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"A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname 'Fly Head'. Normally, you would think that 'Fly Head' would mean a person who had beautiful swept-back features, as if flying though the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean 'having a head like a fly' I'm afraid some people might actually think that." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it it his head that splits." »G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy
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"When you see a snake, never mind where he came from." »W. G. Benham
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"I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to." »Yakov Smirnoff
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"A snake lurks in the grass." »Virgil
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"A snake deserves no pity." »Yiddish Proverb
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"Use your enemy's hand to catch a snake." »Persian Proverb
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"He who has been bitten by a snake fears a piece of string." »Persian Proverb
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"If you see a snake, just kill it. Don't appoint a committee on snakes." »H. Ross Perot
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"No owl is afraid of the night, no snake of the swamp and no traitor of the treason!" »Mehmet Murat ildan
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"Latet anguis in herba. (There's a snake hidden in the grass)" »Virgil
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"Propaganda is a soft weapon hold it in your hands too long, and it will move about like a snake, and strike the other way." »Jean Anouilh
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"Stuart Would ya look at the size of that kid's head It's the size of a planetoid and it has it's own weather system Looks like an orange on a toothpick I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik spherical but quite pointy at parts He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow." »So I Married an Axe Murderer
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"While technically I did not commit a crime, an impeachable offense... these are legalisms, as far as the handling of this matter is concerned it was so botched up, I made so many bad judgments. The worst ones, mistakes of the heart, rather than the head. But let me say, a man in that top job - he's got to have a heart, but his head must always rule his heart." »Richard Milhous Nixon
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"I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy." »W.C. Fields
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"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy." »W. C. Fields
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"Nicky I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning ill get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and... walk in and see and uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll... crack your f***in' head wide-open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what I'll split your f***in' head open again. 'Cause I'm f***in' stupid. I don't give a f*** about jail. That's my business. That's what I do." »Casino
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"I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe." »Richard Gere
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"If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun." »Benjamin Franklin
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"A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them." »Elbert Hubbard
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"What a splendid head, yet no brain." »Aesop
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"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." »Samuel Goldwyn
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"I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away." »Oscar Levant
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"The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head." »Terry Pratchett, A Discworld Novel
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"A hair on the head is worth two on the brush." »Irish Proverb
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"Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing." »Georges Jacques Danton, to his executioner
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"The blind man is laughing at the bald head." »Persian Proverb
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"A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart." »Jonathan Swift
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""Alas! I have more hair on my shoulders then on my head."" »Paul. F. Meekin
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