| "I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was the meanest man in town. But I said I thought he was nice, that he just didn't know how to show it. The meanest man in town, I said, was the mean old guy who lived in the big white house. 'THAT'S MISTER SWENSON,' they said. Oh, my mistake." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months." »Bill Tammeus |
| "No steam or gas drives anything until it is confined. No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined." »Harry Emerson Fosdick |
| "Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money." »Joey Bishop |
| "On being an actor .nothing more than a worker in a service occupation . It's like being a waiter or a gas station attendant, but I'm waiting on 6 million people in a week if I'm lucky." »Harrison Ford |
| "The rest of the world is sweeping past us. The oil and gas of the Texas future is the well-educated mind. But we are still worried about whether Midland can beat Odessa at football." »Mark White |
| "Don't live in a town where there are no doctors." »Jewish Proverb |
| "The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O." »Martin Mull |
| "No horse gets anywhere until he is harnessed. No stream or gas drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled. No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined." »Harry Emerson Fosdick |
| "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." »Will Rogers |
| "To say the least, a town life makes one more tolerant and liberal in one's judgement of others." »Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
| "I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip." »Will Rogers |
| "Lloyd There's really nothing to worry about Mary. Statistically they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport. You know, like on a head on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck That's the worst I have this cousin, well y'know, I had this cousin..." »Dumb & Dumber |
| "I would not vote for the mayor. It's not just because he didn't invite me to dinner, but because on my way into town from the airport there were such enormous potholes." »Fidel Castro |
| "I just don't think it's good for us to be run out of town. (Refusing to cancel Secretary of State visit to Moscow)" »Ronald Reagan |
| "The Joker What kind of a world is this where a man dressed as a bat gets ALL MY PRESS This town needs an enema" »Batman |
| "An association of men who will not quarrel with one another is a thing which has never yet existed, from the greatest confederacy of nations down to a town meeting or a vestry." »Thomas Jefferson |
| "Nothing ever gets settled in this town. ... a seething debating society in which the debate never stops, in which people never give up, including me. And so that's the atmosphere in which you administer." »George Pratt Shultz |
| "We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "I just owe almost everything to my father and it's passionately interesting for me that the things that I learned in a small town, in a very modest home, are just the things that I believe have won the election." »Margaret Hilda Thatcher |
| "That's the whole thing with the hog. It's you and 80 wild horses under your butt, just sitting on 10 square inches where the rubber meets the road. That hurricane gale wind whipping you in the face, leaning into a curve you can feel that gravity wanting to suck you down into it and what do you do Give it a little more gas. Pure centrifugal force. You can see yourself hurtling ass end over teakettle into oblivion." »Robin Green |
| "Trent You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think" »Swingers |
| "One person can have a profound effect on another. And two people...well, two people can work miracles. They can change a whole town. They can change the world." »Andrew Schneider |
| "A small town is a place where there is no place to go where you shouldn't." »Burt Bacharach |
| "From this day forward, the millions of our schoolchildren will daily proclaim in every city and town, every village and rural schoolhouse, the dedication of our nation and our people to the Almighty. (On signing law for inclusion of the words 'under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance, 14 Jun 54)" »Dwight D Eisenhower |
| "A student is not a professional athlete. ... He is not a little politician or junior senator looking for angles ... an amateur promoter, a glad-hander, embryo Rotarian, caf-society leader, quiz kid or man about town. A student is a person who is learning to fulfill his powers and to find ways of using them in the service of mankind." »Harold Taylor |
| "One mind awake can awaken another, The second awake can awaken their next door brother. Three awake can awaken the town By turning the whole place upside down. Many awake can make such a fuss That they finally awaken the rest of us." »Helen Kromer |
| "Ace The town will never be the same. After the Tangiers, the big corporations took it all over. Today it looks like Disneyland. And while the kids play cardboard pirates, Mommy and Daddy drop the house payments and Junior's college money on the poker slots. In the old days, dealers knew your name, what you drank, what you played. Today, it's like checkin' into an airport. And if you order room service, you're lucky if you get it by Thursday. Today, it's all gone. You get a whale show up with four million in a suitcase, and some twenty-five-year-old hotel school kid is gonna want his Social Security Number. After the Teamsters got knocked out of the box, the corporations tore down practically every one of the old casinos. And where did the money come from to rebuild the pyramids Junk bonds. But in the end, I wound up right back where I started. I could still pick winners, and I could still make money for all kinds of people back home. And why mess up a good thing" »Casino |
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