How I Met Your Mother, Season 1

How I Met Your Mother (2005-2014) is an American sitcom, which aired Mondays at 8:00 pm on CBS. The series is narrated through flashbacks from the future, in which an older version of the main character, Ted Mosby, tells his two children the story o… more »

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[Lily takes Barney aside at MacLaren's after she sees him trying to seduce Claudia, who just called off the wedding with Stuart]

Lily:
Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes!

Barney:
Wait, my eyes or my testicles?

Lily:
[thinks about it] One of each!

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