Are You There, Chelsea?, Season 1

Chelsea:
[voice-over] The best thing about December 17th was that I finally power-slurped the worm out of a high-end bottle of tequila. The worst thing: I got a DUI and ended up in Essex County Jail. Since it was my first time in lockdown, I didn't know what to expect. My new roommates were mostly inked-up tweakers. Except for one. I don't know what her crime was, but it was obviously fashion-related.

Patty:
What are you looking at, Barbie? Think you're better than me?

Chelsea:
No. I was just thinking you would benefit from a really good bra.

Patty:
Is that your idea of some kind of joke? [gets up and starts walking toward Chelsea]

Chelsea:
[voice-over] It was quickly becoming apparent to me that this situation was much more serious than I had realized. Then it hit me... I had to make friends with this woman, really quickly. [kisses Patty]

Patty:
I'll be in your bunk an hour after lights out. Mmm. [slaps Chelsea's butt] Wow!

Chelsea:
[voice-over] Perhaps I thought too fast. My friendly overture had made the situation even worse. So I did what I do whenever I really screw up... I prayed. [out loud] Are you there, vodka? It's me, Chelsea. I know I messed up, but if you let me out of this cell, I swear I'll turn my life around.

Guard:
[shows up and opens the cell door] Hey, blondie. Time to go home.

Chelsea:
[looking up] Damn, you're good.