Top Gear, Series 18

Jeremy:
Has anyone here seen the theory test? Anybody?

Audience:
Yeah.

Jeremy:
You have? Because most people of our age haven't, and none of the questions have got anything to do, as far as I can work out with driving. Now let me - can I give you some examples? [looks briefly at Hammond] You can answer this. "An elderly person... [gestures to himself] An elderly person's ability could be affected because they may be unable to...?"

Richard:
Eat toffees.

Jeremy:
No.

James:
Get an erection. [laughter]

Richard:
[looks at Jeremy's jeans] Wear jeans! [laughter]

Jeremy:
Funny. "Where's the safest place to park your vehicle at night?"

James:
In a police station. [laughter]

Jeremy:
Right, we've got a picture here. We'll bring up this picture. [screen shows school keep clear markings] Right. When - This is a real question, OK? "You must not stop on these road markings because you may obstruct... what?" [laughter]

Richard:
Landing aircraft!

Jeremy:
I mean, seriously, that is a question. He's managed to fail 92 times on that one.

Richard:
Those are not questions to pass your driving. Do any of them say, for instance, can you drive a car?

Jeremy:
No, no. I'm in the book now. This is what you buy your teenage child when they're learning to drive. "At an incident, a small child is not breathing. To restore normal breathing, you should breathe into their mouth, A sharply, B gently, C heavily, D tenderly?" [laughter]

James:
It doesn't say "tenderly"!

Jeremy:
I made "tenderly" up. Nothing to do with driving!