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Robert Benchley

United States humorist (1889-1945)

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I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

– Robert Benchley

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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

– Robert Benchley

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It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous.

– Robert Benchley

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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

– Robert Benchley

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Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

– Robert Benchley

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It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

– Robert Benchley

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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

– Robert Benchley

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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.

– Robert Benchley

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A boy can learn a lot from a dog obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

– Robert Benchley

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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

– Robert Benchley

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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

– Robert Benchley

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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.

– Robert Benchley

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As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.

– Robert Benchley

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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

– Robert Benchley

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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

– Robert Benchley

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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

– Robert Benchley

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For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.

– Robert Benchley

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I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.

– Robert Benchley

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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about

– Robert Benchley

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