Being Human

Sally Malik:
Look, I'm gonna have to go out eventually, right? I'll just wear a burqa or something.

Josh:
A burqa.

Sally Malik:
Speaking of which, can I borrow another outfit? Not that you have burqa clothes.

Nora:
Yes. Come on. I'll show you something from my slutty punk phase.

Sally Malik:
That's what I'm talking about.

Josh:
I've never seen anything from the slutty punk phase.

Emma:
I can't believe this is your Dad.

Henry:
He's got like, 200 years on me. Look closely. You can see it.

Josh:
Are you okay?

Sally Malik:
Clearly not okay. He looks like a serial killer from the 70's.

Sally Malik:
Oh, I can see your face and you're no longer terrifying!

Aidan:
You didn't like the Ulysses S. Grant look? My bad.

Josh:
No, man. I liked it. You looked like a young Moses. It was nice.

Sally Malik:
Okay, when do we get to meet her or when does Josh get to meet her and I get to stand there and judge her silently?

Aidan:
Okay, I don't know if we're at that point yet.

Josh:
Ah, so what point are you at? You're at a point.

Aidan:
We hang out, we enjoy each others company and then we go back to our lives. It's easy, it's casual, and above all else, it's normal, and that is exactly what I need right now.

Sally Malik:
When you say "enjoying each others company," is that code for "tapping that ass," yes, to be clear?

Aidan:
You are a classy lady.

Nora:
Whoa! I can hear somebody having sex. And they are really going to town!

Josh:
Yeah, well, you don't need super hearing for that one.

Nora:
Oh, my! Is that Aidan?

Josh:
Yeah.

Sally Malik:
Hey, what was with the bang-off I had to listen to last night? I'm the ghost, people. I'm the one who's suppose to make creepy noises in the middle of the night.

Sally Malik:
Nurse ghost? How cute. Your shift's over, sweetie.

Zoe Gonzales:
I'm not dead yet. Now go. No unauthorized ghosts in the nursery.

Sally Malik:
You're not dead and you're talking to me? You can see me? How can you see me?

Zoe Gonzales:
Second sight, 6th sense. It's a gift. It's a curse. It's crazy stuff.

Josh:
[Changing in the house] Remove anything breakable! Save the TV!

Sally Malik:
Did you double-down on antiperspirant. You sweat a lot when you're nervous.

Josh:
I went through half a Speed Stick.

Sally Malik:
How's your breath?

[Josh exhales in her face]

Sally Malik:
I don't have a sense of smell anymore.

[Josh exhales at Aidan]

Aidan:
I got to be honest, it smells like dog to me. But I'm sure, it's minty fresh.

Nora:
I had no idea you were so beautiful.

Sally Malik:
You can see me? Oh my, God, Nora! I've been wanting to talk to you for so long. How can you see me? You're not dead, are you?

Nora:
I'm a wolf.

Aidan:
Why are there ghosts in there punching each other in the balls?

Dylan:
That's why his name is Boner. It requires heavy maintenance.

Sally Malik:
He's a ghost. He can't...

Stevie Atkins:
Yeah, it's like a phantom limb. He can mind-whack it.

Suren:
[to Aidan] I'm just a bit overwhelmed. Mother will be here tomorrow and instead of making preparations, I'm sitting down at a table with a ghost and a dog.

Sally Malik:
This is painful! Somebody talk before start I watching loud TV!

Suren:
And you keep such a clean home, Josh. I'm impressed. You're a credit to your kind.

Julia:
What's his kind? Jewish?

Aidan:
Dude-ish! Right? 'Cause he's a dude and he's- He's a clean dude and dudes are messy. It's just a fact.

Sally Malik:
This conversation is not better.

Suren:
Mother, why are you doing this? Are you unhappy with me?

Mother:
I am quite satisfied. But a few months of "quite satisfy" don't make up for 8 centuries of "utterly disappointed." And Aidan, you were to Suren with Boston and I would grant you freedom from our world. I believe you've kept up your end. For now, I'm going to grant you freedom... in the truest sense of the word. You can enjoy your mortals and their society holds for you, because this world is now sealed off to you... all places and all people.

Suren:
Mother, you can't mean this.

Mother:
No one in our world is to have anything to do with Aidan Waite. Any vampire found in contact with this man will be put to death.

Aidan:
How could you do this to me, after everything I've done for this family, after everything that I've sacrificed for her?

Mother:
Come now, every move you've made you've made for your own benefit. And now, you can leave.

Aidan:
[laughs] Yeah, and you can go to hell.

[Aidan rushes back at Mother, she grabs him by his throat]

Mother:
You dare to speak this way to me?

Aidan:
This is what freedom sounds like.

Mother:
I should turn you to dust right here. But we know now how fragile this one can be. So enjoy the mercy I'm showing you now.

Janet Hines:
[doesn't believe Nora's story that Sally is really a ghost] Wait. You're a patient here too.

Nora, Sally Malik:
What?

Janet Hines:
A schizophrenic or a compulsive liar. You heard me babbling to the doctors and made up your own in your head.

Nora:
No. Sally, I need a little help here.

Sally Malik:
What do you want me to do?

Janet Hines:
Please stop talking like that!

Nora:
I don't know. Something "ghosty."

Sally Malik:
Something "ghosty"? Do I look like Patrick Swayze to you?

Josh:
I need to take this thing to the next stage with her.

Aidan:
What next stage? You already slept with her.

Josh:
That wasn't me. Stu stole my penis.

Josh:
I'm just extra testy right now.

Aidan:
It's the full moon tonight.

Josh:
Yeah. That's not the only reason I'm pissed off!

Josh:
I'm a werewolf and he's a vampire and that's how we can see ghosts.

Aidan:
It's like we're different countries on the same continent.

Josh:
And - and if I'm not far away from here in an hour or so, you will be in mortal danger.

Zoe Gonzales:
Mortal danger. Right.

Josh:
Yeah, this isn't a joke.

Zoe Gonzales:
So - so you're going to turn into a wolf and have me for dinner.

Aidan:
Okay, listen very carefully. He's telling the truth.

Zoe Gonzales:
Oh, of course. Of course it's the truth. You got to be the cool vampire. Everybody wants to be the cool vampire.

Aidan:
You got it!

Josh:
We're not making this up! I'm not making this up!

[Aidan shows Zoe his fangs]

Zoe Gonzales:
[gasps] Holy crap! You're monsters.

Josh:
Thank you.

Josh:
It smells like a slaughterhouse up in your room, Aidan! None of those doors are gonna last more than five seconds. The wolf's gonna smell the blood and go nuts and then he's gonna smell Zoe and go even more nuts! He's gonna run through this place like it was made of cardboard!

Josh:
Really? You're just gonna leave Zoe there with Miss Dead by Dawn Swallow Your Soul? Go sit with her!

Aidan:
If you ever get in my face again, I...

Josh:
What? You'll kill me, huh? You'll kill Zoe? You're gone, man. You started feeding live! You murdered those two girls, those two human beings under our roof! This sacred place! Does it stop, Aidan? When does it stop? I feel like I'm the only one trying anymore, like I'm dangling off the cliff by my fingertips and you're up there stomping on them!

Aidan:
Vampires don't drink werewolves.

Josh:
Why?

Aidan:
I don't know! Because of the smell!

Josh:
Oh, come on!

Aidan:
I always took the smell as a warning. Either way, it's just something we don't do, we don't ever do, ever!

Josh:
Okay, you know what? If this is one of those vampire Jim Crow laws, you need to get over it. Okay? I have blood, you need blood, and Zoe's not an option.

Aidan:
Like, it just... It tastes different.

Josh:
Diff - different, how? Oh, you know what? I just ate a bunch of asparagus.

[Aidan bites Josh's arm again]

Aidan:
Aaah!

Sally Malik:
I want you gone. I thought I made that clear.

Reaper:
It's not that simple.

Sally Malik:
But this is all in my head.

Reaper:
And I can't leave. I'm a part of you. So now, we wait.

Sally Malik:
For what?

Reaper:
For you to slip. And when you fall... the only one left to catch you will be me.

Josh Levison:
Damn.

Pete:
It's good man. You were in for over 10 minutes. How'd it go?

Josh Levison:
[frustrated] It was a complete and abject failure. I'm - I'm naked wandering around the forest in my brain, the stupid wolf hates me, and I pop out of it to find Obi-Wan the Werewolf offering me hot beverage and baked goods.

Pete:
[hands Josh a mug] Do you want a cookie?

Josh Levison:
Yes I do.

Robbie Malik:
I died last night, and ever since then, you've just been running around this house like a freak show, casually dropping things like vampire and werewolves and, apparently, popping in and out of dimensions! Like, what the hell?

Sally Malik:
Yeah, it's been a day.

Robbie Malik:
Do you ever stop and think that this might be a little much for me to deal with? I mean it took Mom 10 years to convince me that hamburgers came from cows.

Sally Malik:
Bye, Donna! You were one badass b*tch.

Kenny:
[to Aidan] Wait a sec. Did you call her "baby"? Ah, we have something in common. We both love dead girls.

Reaper:
How did it feel shredding me?

Sally Malik:
Like a rush! Thrilling, like a rollercoaster ripping you apart.

Reaper:
And that's what it feels like to reap, like cutting out some putrefying wound from the world, saving other ghosts.

Sally Malik:
So, what? It's good what I felt? It's a good thing that I tried to kill you and I liked it?

Reaper:
Being a Reaper is not like being a murderer, Sally. A reaper is a force of nature, a hurricane, a forest fire. Just think how crowded and stinking the Earth would be if nobody died. Afterlife's the same way.

Sally Malik:
But it's gotta take its toll.

Reaper:
Everyday, I knew exactly what to do, why I was doing it, and I knew it was necessary. I kept the balance and I never felt so powerful or fulfilled, even when I was alive. Have you?

Sally Malik:
I-I didn't even get a chance to try. Who feels powerful and fulfilled at 23?

Reaper:
Well, here's your chance. I can take you or you can take over.

Sally Malik:
This whole I've been dead... I've been desperate for a purpose. I've tried possessing, haunting... a boyfriend. Maybe I can do this... be a Reaper.

Reaper:
Let's get your training wheels on.

Aidan Waite:
Why don't you throw your stuff downstairs in the basement in my room.

Kenny:
Wait a second, you don't want me to call you a lord of the night, but you live in the basement?

Josh Levison:
You know, it's true when they say. The bachelor party isn't for the groom. It's for the groom's gay sister.

Emily Levison:
Aidan called you a werewolf.

Josh Levison:
I used to be one, and then I wasn't. And now I'm gonna be one again.

Sally Malik:
[to Aidan and Josh] You two are totally about to go on two separate killing sprees for women. That is so hot.

Josh:
Did she just say Stevie Nicks is here?

Josh Levison:
She's moving out, Sally.

Sally Malik:
Well, don't let her, Josh!

Josh Levison:
Listen, I would have done anything to make this work. I'm late. I'm gotta go meet up with Andrew and Caroline.

Sally Malik:
Okay, don't go start a new pack. Just start fresh with Nora.

Josh Levison:
Sally, listen, I know you spent years in, like, Back to the Future, bizarro version of us, but in this world, right now... my wife is terrified of me. That's my reality.

Sally Malik:
Well, it was real to me.

Sally Malik:
You're not the alpha. You think you're alpha? You're not. You are a beta. You are a nice, solid beta. And that's okay! Because everyone loves a beta! Nora loves her some beta...

Josh Levison:
Nora, who moved out... who slept with a knife under her bed because she was afraid of me.

Nora Levison:
Some people go to Italy for their honeymoon. I bait my husband with a goat.

Aidan Waite:
You're gonna have to explain this one to me again.

Sally Malik:
Aidan, seriously, I don't know how I can logically explain to you that I dove through a funneling pool of blood, I popped up through a witch's death spot, and I was birthed into a Shopmart. You are, like, 1,001 years old and guzzle blood.

Sally Malik:
I came to stop you from drinking Rebecca. Yeah, don't pretend you were staring at her carotid artery like you were just staring at mine. Aidan, I know how hard you've worked to stay on bagged blood. Rebecca was too much temptation. If I hadn't shown up, she would've been a crumpled Capri Sun, and you'd be calling Bishop for a cleanup.

Josh Levison:
Hydrogen peroxide, is that for like cuts and scrapes? 'Cause any cuts and scrapes I endure as a wolf just disappear after I change back.

Sally Malik:
No, it's for the morning. For your breath. Your wolf definitely eats poop.

Josh Levison:
That's insane! That's in... My wolf doesn't eat poop, okay? I wouldn't do that. Okay? He wouldn't do it.

Aidan Waite:
I'm- I'm glad that you brought that up.

Sally Malik:
Defensive!

Sally Malik:
Marcus... How much longer do you think it's gonna be till Bishop finds out that you're balls-deep with the Amish?

Marcus:
Who are you?

Sally Malik:
I'm the Ghost of Christmas-suck-it!

Josh Levison:
Hey. You okay?

Aidan Waite:
Oh, yeah! I am great! Just great. Yeah. I was gonna go out and get us a keg.

Josh Levison:
Ah! Perfect.

Aidan Waite:
No, no, no. Listen, I gotta go find Kat. She said she was gonna call the cops and the body count is mounting.

Sally Malik:
One of those bodies is a purebred werewolf corpse... if we're splitting hairs, uh, you know...

Josh Levison:
Hey, you know what. Screw the keg. Pick us up some crack.

Blake:
Aidan. I expected you might be irked about the wolves we drank.

Aidan Waite:
Irked? No, not irked. I'm disappointed. That's worse. So you're lucky that I need your help.

Blake:
My help?

Aidan Waite:
Yeah, you heard me. A friend of mine, she witnessed an event. She saw some things that she shouldn't have seen. And I'm not very good at compelling, but I get the feeling that manipulation's your forte.

Blake:
Is this your idea of sweet-talking me?

Aidan Waite:
You know what the great things about vampires is you can just make them disappear. And I could erase your friends too. Or you could recognize the fact that I'm giving you the opportunity to do me a favor. Let's be clear. I would owe you.

Blake:
Do you remember saying you owe me?

Aidan Waite:
I think I just owe everyone at this point.

Reverend Herring:
You can't hurt me. You can't hurt me! Oh, please. Dear God! God!

Aidan Waite:
This is for my wife.

[snaps the Reverend's neck]

Donna Gilchrist:
The one that got away.

Sally Malik:
How is this happening?

Donna Gilchrist:
Your presence is very strong in this house. I can feel it, now that we're connected. You feel the connection, don't you?

Sally Malik:
The fire.

Donna Gilchrist:
I haven't met the likes of you and your friends for in a long, long time. I respect your chutzpah, I really do.

[Sally swings through Donna's spirit with a fire poker]

Donna Gilchrist:
Honey, stop. So, obviously, we can't stay here.

Sally Malik:
I'm not leaving.

Donna Gilchrist:
You know how this works, better than most. You don't belong in this plane.

Sally Malik:
I'm not going back to limbo.

Donna Gilchrist:
No, you're not. You know what happens when a death spot is destroyed?

Sally Malik:
You say we're linked? I'll take you with me. I'll leave you there. I'll shred you. You don't know what I can do.

Donna Gilchrist:
Oh, no. I do. Why do you think I like you so much?

[pushes Sally down the stairway and drags her into Hell]

Kat Neely:
Trying to get an answer out of you about your past is like playing whack-a-mole.

Aidan Waite:
Look, it was a long time ago. I'm sorry. I forget.

Kat Neely:
But no, that's the thing, because anything that has to do with, 200 years ago, you are a Wikipedia entry. But then, I ask about you last summer, and you're Memento. I mean, look, you're lucky I trust you, otherwise I might think you're a sociopath.

Aidan Waite:
Then there are places like the Bahamas that I just can't go.

Nora Levison:
Too much sunlight?

Aidan Waite:
I murdered their prime minister once. Bahamians have really long memories.

Caroline:
I spent so much time worrying in the last 5 years about infertility, Down syndrome, pooping myself during delivery. Wolf baby didn't exactly make the list!

Nora Levison:
Who knows if the kid stays human? One night, you've got a baby girl, the next night, Cujo.

Josh Levison:
You know, when she gets older, you can teach her how to ride a bike. And I'd teach her not to chase cars.

Nora Levison:
Breastfeeding that thing... Nice knowing ya, nipples!

Aidan Waite:
I have been alive for over 200 years... because I... am a vampire.

[Kat laughs out loud]

Josh:
Why is the bathroom mirror calling me a whore?

Sally Malik:
I have no idea.

Aidan:
Okay, so there's this extremely lame Poltergeist homage going on in the kitchen right now. So, Sally?

Sally Malik:
What?

Josh:
Okay, with the lights, can we just... I'm gonna have a seizure. I'm literally...

Sally Malik:
Guys, this isn't me. I swear. Why does everyone just assume it's my fault? How do we know it's a ghost? I think we've all collectively pissed off enough people to wage a short but consequential war.

Aidan:
Oh, come on! Don't look at me. My people can't enter without an invitation.

Josh:
Also, neither of us have recently played Maria von Trapp to a group of ghostly teenage wasteland.

Sally Malik:
Poor thing. You died in neon.

Danny:
Nice to see you too.

Aidan:
[narrating] We're all hiding something, aren't we? From the moment we wake, look in that mirror, all we do is spin our little lies. Suck in that gut, colour that hair, twist off that wedding ring. Any why not? What's the penalty? What are the consequences, really? "I'm only human," you say, and all is forgiven. But what if some cruel twist of fate makes you something else, something other? Who forgives you then? Every human spends a night or two on the dark side and regrets it. But what if you only exist on the dark side? We just want the same things that you do: a chance at life, at love. We're not so different in that way. And so we try and sometimes fail. But when you're something other, a monster, the consequences are worse. Much worse. You wake up from your nightmares. We don't.

Marcus:
Are you back in? Because I don't mind cleaning up your occasional mess. That's what we do. We're family. But if you are back, you and I are gonna have to set a few ground rules. There's an order now. There's Bishop, and then there's me. You will respect that.

Aidan:
Don't worry. I know how many years it took you to get your nose firmly inserted up Bishop's ass.

Josh:
I used to think this curse was what happened to me once a month. And I realize this - this - this is the curse: every day sitting on a bench watching people walk by, eating sandwiches, making plans, being what I used to be.

Aidan:
People die.

Josh:
Yeah. In old age homes, in car accidents. Not with their heads lodged in my future oven.

Sally:
Oh, ladies and gentleman, the Bobsey twins! I am God, I am everywhere, I drive all night just to get back home.

Aidan:
Are you trying to scare us with Bon Jovi?

Sally:
You can hear me?

Aidan:
Yeah.

Josh:
You went searching for drug change in the wrong couch cushions lady, I'm calling the cops.

Aidan:
Josh?

Josh:
What?

Aidan:
She's a ghost.

Josh:
Shut up. You're a ghost?

Sally:
So how can you see me, anyway?

Aidan:
Well, think of us as sort of different countries on the same continent.

Josh:
Oh, my god. That's beautiful, really. We're Africa.

Sally:
[to Josh] At least I don't masturbate to Nova!

Josh:
Someone's in the house.

Aidan:
Where?

Josh:
Upstairs. Aidan, Aidan. Wait, wait, wait! Shouldn't, shouldn't we call 911?

Aidan:
You're a werewolf.

Josh:
Yeah, occasionally.

Aidan:
Useless condition.

Aidan:
Hey, you know, there's a better way to do this?

Josh:
Do what? Be a better monster? No, thank you.

Aidan:
Or dignified monster.

Josh:
You're joking, right?

Aidan:
You shouldn't have to run into the woods every time that you turn.

Josh:
Pretty sure the gang down at the Econolodge wouldn't take too kindly to me doing it there. So...

Aidan:
So what about what I said? What about the apartment?

Josh:
We'll, we'll, uh, we'll have full moon parties. We'll invite the neighbors over and eat them.

Sally:
Danny's pretty open. He voted for Hillary.

Sally:
[voiceover] Life is a series of choices. As it turns out, death is the same. Not for the ones who are ready. They embrace their fate, move on. For the rest of us, we linger. After our survivors pray and throw dirt on our coffins, we're still waiting. Because for some of us, there's a bigger question. What am I now? Where do I go from here? We find ourselves in an eternal nowhere, between human and thing. Monsters. Some of these monsters choose to simply accept what they've become. Some don't. Which leaves us with the most important choice. Do you accept what you are or do you refuse? And which is the true curse?

Bishop:
Should've turned her, sweet girl like that. And a nurse, no less. That would've been convenient.

Aidan Waite:
I'm not interested in making things convenient for you.

Bishop:
You and I aren't gonna have a problem, are we, Aiden?

Aidan Waite:
Not by me.

Bishop:
I'm afraid I'm gonna need a little bit more reassurance than that. What's it gonna be? Us... or them?

Aidan Waite:
It was never a question. Not really. Maybe I am sentenced to a life in hell with you. But here and now... I choose them.

Josh Levison:
[watching Aiden sitting on the front steps] I never really thought about it before... how hard he must work every single second of his life not to be one of them. I guess I just take it for granted he's as good as he is.

Sally:
Do you think he should have saved her?

Josh Levison:
I think he did.

Josh Levison:
Rebecca?

Rebecca Flynt:
Did you just wet your pants? A little bit?

Josh Levison:
People are worried you're dead. There's a search.

Rebecca Flynt:
Not a very good one. I'm here, geniuses.

Josh Levison:
We should call someone.

Rebecca Flynt:
Sure, in a minute. We'll call everybody.

[Rebecca exposes Josh's neck and vamps out to bite him, then recoils]

Rebecca Flynt:
Ugh! I can't believe I didn't smell that stink a mile away! Are you a werewolf? Ugh, gross! It's in my hair!

Josh Levison:
All the times we... found her, all the times she crawled her way back from whatever was happening...

Aidan Waite:
No, not this time. I felt her go.

Nora Levison:
Although, it would just be just like Sally to do something epic right now and rip her way out of your chest.

Aidan Waite:
Oh God, that would be awesome!

Josh Levison:
I'd love that so much.

Aidan Waite:
Look, I spent 200 years drinking nothing but blood, so, I don't know, half-cooked beef, seems like a good segue to me. Mmm!

Josh Levison:
We should get you chili fries.

Nora Levison:
Oh my, God, he just became human. He's already trying to kill you.

Aidan Waite:
Did we really know that I would just come back and be human with no consequences? What has ever led us to believe that life is that simple?

Josh Levison:
Is it something in Sally's spell?

Aidan Waite:
No, it's the years that I cheated. They're all catching up with me.

Nora Levison:
Are you okay? I know that it's crazy.

Josh Levison:
Yeah... We should be institutionalized!

Aidan Waite:
Everything's gonna be fine.

Josh Levison:
It's not gonna be fine! It's not gonna be fine! You have a week left to live! You have the insides of a geriatric. You can't just go spilling your blood like it's 1955 and you're king of the world! You fought for this! You fought for this, and Sally gave it to you, you selfish son of a b*tch!

Aidan Waite:
I'm afraid to die, Josh! I'm afraid to die. I have one week, Josh. One week, if that. And do you want to know after that, Josh? Nothing! Nothing happens! Because vampires don't get doors. No happy endings for us! I am afraid to die!

Josh Levison:
You're not a vampire anymore.

Aidan Waite:
Are you kidding me?

Josh Levison:
You're not a vampire. You're not a vampire!

Aidan Waite:
Are you kidding me? Listen to what you're saying! You really think a blip of humanity is gonna wipe the slate clean after centuries of monstrosity? No! No! So I saw my chance and I took it. It turns out I'm a coward.

Josh Levison:
No, you're not. You're a human.

Aidan Waite:
Now, where is that neighborhood section? I'm looking for something like: "Top 10 Historical Gems of Boston". That would be fun, right?

Josh Levison:
I don't know. Would it?

Aidan Waite:
Come on!

Josh Levison:
I would think most people, if they're told they have a week left to live, they might wanna, you know, travel the world, get laid.

Aidan Waite:
I'm a mortal. I'm just an old man with a few days to live. And let me tell you something, little girl. I ain't gonna be draining anyone's blood anytime soon.

Ramona Benson:
You did a pretty good job while you had the chance.

Aidan Waite:
I want you to know that Josh and Nora and their baby are going to be moving far away from here. They're going to live a life. And Sally, Sally is gone. And you, well, this whole house, your hold over it, well, it certainly can't last forever, can it?

Ramona Benson:
Someone else will move in, and as you can see, accidents happen.

Aidan Waite:
Hmm, maybe. Or maybe the four of us, supernaturally cursed as we were, moved under this roof for one soul reason: to bring you down.

Ramona Benson:
And you think it's gonna be you? You like to think of yourself as some kind of hero, but really, you're the worst of them all. All this tragedy, it's on you. Sally was the one who brought me back. But you're the one who fed me, with all the blood you shed. You're the real monster here.

Aidan Waite:
I've lived with my regret.

Ramona Benson:
And so that's enough? I'm not Catholic, Aidan. A few Hail Mary's won't get you out of this.

Ramona Benson:
You really think you'll be saved just because you'll die a mortal death?

Aidan Waite:
I assume nothing at this point.

Ramona Benson:
But you're hoping. Maybe you're just a man now, but you were a serial killer for centuries. You think there's a door leading to some kind of heaven after the blood you shed.

Aidan Waite:
I've lived my life. And this is my death. I died for my family before. I'm ready to do it again.

Aidan Waite:
[narrating] When the end comes rushing up at you, and everything you thought was real starts to fall away, you consider the meaning of the life that you lived, and you realize that the only thing that means a damn thing at the end is what you loved. And you think who you've love, and you let it take you home.

Aidan Waite:
Let's just hope the two of you don't screw it up.

Nora Levison:
Oh, Aidan!

Aidan Waite:
You know, historically speaking...

Josh Levison:
Oh my, God!

Aidan Waite:
...the of children of psychiatrists put a lot issues on their kids.

Nora Levison:
How did you do this? How was this possible?

Aidan Waite:
I don't know. Um... It's such a weird... thing. But you know what? It's okay. It's worth it, because we won.

Josh Levison:
So, this is what that looks like, huh? Winning?

Aidan Waite:
Yeah! This is us winning.

Josh Levison:
This is it?

Aidan Waite:
No, but it is. Because look at you two. I mean, this is what we talked about, right?

Josh Levison:
So, then, what now? You gonna come and and haunt us at our house or what?

Aidan Waite:
Uh, no, because that's weird.

Josh Levison:
Oh, that's weird?

Aidan Waite:
I'm not doing it!

Josh Levison:
Now that you're dead, it's weird now?

Aidan Waite:
Yes, it is because, look, at the place you're living in is kinda small, Josh, and I need space. I need to, like, spread out. I need to move around. And come on, I can't go soft, because I'm dead.

[Aidan's door appears behind him]

Nora Levison:
I don't think you can come anyway.

Aidan Waite:
Well, hey, this can't be for me.

Josh Levison:
It's for you, man! And don't think for a second you don't deserve it.

Aidan Waite:
Okay, listen to me. Um, all of the years I've been alive, these last few, have been the best.

Josh Levison:
I don't know. There was some rough stuff in there.

Aidan Waite:
No, no, no. They were the best.

Josh Levison:
We love you. We will live a ridiculous life in your honor.

Aidan Waite:
"We lost Nora! Oh! We lost Nora!" The one woman you two were meant to be with, and you couldn't land it. Why? Because of what you are. Oh, you know what else? Look! I took your one chance to cure yourself, to lift the curse. But you know what? You have a nice life. Okay?

Josh Levison:
Hey, this whole thing was your idea. Living together, trying to be human was your idea!

Aidan Waite:
Mmm, hot damn! That's fresh! Still feel quite of a quiver in it.

Sally Malik:
[to Aidan] This is who we came back to save? You were better off dead.

Bishop:
I know you killed me, Aidan. Half of Boston knows. You think Marcus is gonna come busting through that door? Nobody, not even Marcus, is gonna stand up for a dying king and piss on the new one.

Aidan Waite:
Oh my God! Bishop, are you afraid of what's on the other side? I don't know. Maybe we got it wrong. Maybe there's something waiting for us. Maybe...

Bishop:
I am the other side. When you died, I was waiting for you on that battlefield. I was. I hope you're lucky when it's your turn. You don't get taken out by some stray stake but by someone who fed from your blood, who you nourished for centuries. A father never kills his son but always wants his son to surpass him.

Aidan Waite:
I'm sorry I didn't arrange it sooner.

Bishop:
I know you wanted to take credit. You know, a year ago, you were laying with wolves and blubbering about ghosts. And now, look at you. You've killed your maker. You've banished your lover and your friends. And now, you're going to be Adam. After his plague, rebuild our race with your blood. My blood. I said you couldn't stand where I stand. You can. You... are my perfect son.

Josh Levison:
Sally... Where did you go?

Sally Malik:
Oh my... I went to the past a couple years ago, and then the future.

Josh Levison:
Wow. Like, next year the future or, like, 2085 the future?

Sally Malik:
No, it felt really close.

Aidan:
Come, now. You said that you wanted to know what it was like. You went to sleep weak and you woke up strong. Now, it's gonna take some time getting used to.

Henry:
What do you want me to do?

Aidan:
Henry... He's wounded and he's suffering and he's going to die anyway. Just this once.

Henry:
I told you I can't kill men.

Aidan:
I know. But that was before you met me.

Josh:
Quick, what's the world's most rapidly evaporating resource? Oil? Fresh air? Not even close. When's the last time you were truly alone? When you didn't think to yourself "somebody's watching me." A Man can wander for eternity these days before he can find a place to be himself, let go, howl at the moon. How'd we let this happen to us? Why do we insist on looking when every impulse tells us to look away? Maybe its because we all have something to hide- that thing we buried down deep, deep back in the darkness with everything we have. We're secretly hoping to see that the monster inside each of us is inside us all. There it is, look hard enough, you'll see. We will be seen.

Josh:
Hey Josh - how about a cup of coffee? And a 10 mile hike in the woods!

Josh:
She looks like The Grudge.

Aidan:
She looks a little rough.

Josh:
Rough? If we videotape Sally right now and showed somebody, they'd be dead in 3 days.

Aidan:
She was almost exorcised. She's weak.

Josh:
She looks like she's gonna eat our entrails.

Sally Malik:
[narrating] When you know you're gonna die a violent death, when that's the only way you can die, it's all about the waiting for that final storm if the waiting doesn't kill you first.

Josh Levison:
I thought you'd secretly moved out.

Aidan Waite:
No! Out of the dank basement wonderland? No, never. The pipes alone are like a gurgling, rusty lullaby.

Josh Levison:
We are a household. I hate tension at home. I feel like I'm 10, trapped in my parents' silent fighting.

Aidan Waite:
Did you just equate me and Nora with your parents?

Josh Levison:
Now, do you know where my Dr. Zaius action figure is? Because I haven't seen him since, like, 1998.

Nora Sergeant:
I don't know. Maybe we should ask the 2 bloody ghosts in their underwear. Who the hell are you?

Josh Levison:
They're here?

Beth:
Oh, we're Aidan's guests.

Holly:
For dinner. Two courses, one very hungry diner.

Josh Levison:
What - what are they saying?

Nora Sergeant:
You know them?

Josh Levison:
Aidan... Aidan killed them when he was trying to save Henry.

Beth:
AKA: He fed us to his skinless offspring like hamsters.

Holly:
You left out the part where he made us make out with Henry first. Hence the eternal skivvies.

Aidan Waite:
Do you think you would've heard if I had killed 2 purebreds?

Liam McLean:
It's all right. I'll be here when the sores crack open on your skin and the fever burns your bones to ash.

Aidan Waite:
Wait, wait, Please, wait. I'll tell you the truth. I'll tell you what happened to your daughter. I killed your daughter. And she screamed like a b*tch, just like your son!

Nick Fenn:
I'm eating cats. I have a Ph.D. and I'm eating cats. I should put that on my r?sum?.

Sally Malik:
Listen, just please do not disperse the underwear b*tches when I am in my room, okay? That's where they reset. They died there.

Nora Sergeant:
Aidan killed them in the house? So that makes 3 dead girls. Basically, our home is drenched in blood.

Sally Malik:
Four. Well, if you count the original header I took down the stairs.

Josh Levison:
Thank you for reminding us we're living in a funhouse of horrors.

Aidan Waite:
For Josh's sake, do you think we could try and get along?

Nora Sergeant:
I want to believe the best of you. I do. Because Josh does. But Erin is dead. And there are 2 more girls upstairs with your initials on them.

Aidan Waite:
You saw them?

Nora Sergeant:
Yeah. They were hovering over Josh while he was grilling paninis.