Billable Hours

Clark Claxton III:
[handing her a stack of files] I want all of this photocopied, reverse collated and filed according to the Arameic alphabet.

Millie Larkin:
Syriac or Palmyrenian?

Clark Claxton III:
F*** off.

Millie Larkin:
By the way, I cleared up your issue with Telemetrics, I set up a lunch with them on Friday.

Clark Claxton III:
I said f*** off!

Millie Larkin:
And here's a non-fat latte and a boysenberry muffin.

Robin Howland:
Those are his favourite. You're good.

Clark Claxton III:
[throws muffin] F*** OFF!

Clark Claxton III:
[on the phone] Two squirrels are in bed.

Jenny/Johnny:
Clarky!

Robin Howland:
What?

Robin Howland:
I'm working on this cartoon caption contest to win a subscription to The New Yorker, so, what's something funny a husband squirrel would say to his wife?

Jenny/Johnny:
Uh... Oh! Oh, but you'll put *those* nuts in your mouth.

Robin Howland:
Okay, quit whining. I just had Murray drooling on me for two hours. And then I then chipped a nail punching him in the throat.

Maxine Bingly:
When the policeman returned to the phone, he had chilling news. He told the woman the calls were coming from... INSIDE THE HOUSE! OOOH HOO HOO!

Clark Claxton III:
What the f*** are you talkin' about?

Maxine Bingly:
The *calls* were coming from *inside!*

Clark Claxton III:
There were two phone lines in her house?

Maxine Bingly:
I don't know! All I know was that he was in there and he was gonna kill her!

Clark Claxton III:
If he was gonna kill her, why didn't he just do it in the first place? You know [stabbing motion] wham wham wham! Why stall with a stupid phone call?

Maxine Bingly:
[sarcastically] Well maybe he wanted to terrorize her.

Clark Claxton III:
She's not even gonna remember being terrorized, her life's about to be over!

Maxine Bingly:
Oh, will you leave me alone! I never even saw the f***ing movie, my sister told me the story!

Clark Claxton III:
Ah, it's a shitty story! [throws canteen in fire]

Maxine Bingly:
What the hell, was there booze in there? You ass.

Maxine Bingly:
Okay, here's the thing about Clark Claxton: When I had my mastectomy, all I got were sympathy cards, tearful smiles and people afraid to look me in the tits. Clark walked right up to me, gave 'em a squeeze and guessed left. He was wrong. I felt great!

Sam Caponelli:
What's goin' on, ladies?

Maxine Bingly:
Rumour has it that you bought off every last box of chocolate almonds. Why would you do a thing like that?

Sam Caponelli:
To... help raise money for the Humane Society?

Maxine Bingly:
You son of a whore. I WANT MY F***ING CHOCOLATES!