Burn Notice

Michael Westen:
You say tomato, I say pimp.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy. Until...

voice on phone:
[phone rings] We got a burn notice on you. You're blacklisted.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] When you're burned, you've got nothing: no cash, no credit, no job history. You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in.

Michael Westen:
Where am I?

Fiona Glenanne:
Miami.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] You do whatever work comes your way. You rely on anyone who's still talking to you. A trigger-happy ex-girlfriend...

Fiona Glenanne:
Shall we shoot them?

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] An old friend who used to inform on you to the FBI...

Sam Axe:
You know spies... bunch of bitchy little girls.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Family too...

Sam Axe:
[phone rings] Hey, is that your Mom again?

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... if you're desperate.

Madeline Westen:
Someone needs your help, Michael!

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Bottom line? Until you figure out who burned you... you're not going anywhere.

[season 1 opening except pilot]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy, until...

voice on phone:
[phone rings] We got a burn notice on you. You're blacklisted.

Michael Westen:
[whistles]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] When you're burned, you've got nothing: no cash, no credit, no job history. You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in.

Michael Westen:
[groggily] Where am I?

Fiona Glenanne:
Miami.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] You do whatever work comes your way. You rely on anyone who's still talking to you:

Michael Westen:
[laughs tightly]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... a trigger-happy ex-girlfriend...

Fiona Glenanne:
Should we shoot them?

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... an old friend who's informing on you to the FBI...

Sam Axe:
You know spies: bunch of bitchy little girls.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... family, too...

Sam Axe:
[phone rings] Hey, is that your mom again?

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... if you're desperate.

Madeline Westen:
Someone needs your help, Michael.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Bottom line: until you figure out who burned you, you're not going anywhere.

[seasons 6 and 7 opening]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy, until...

voice on phone:
[phone rings] We got a burn notice on you. You're blacklisted.

Michael Westen:
[whistles]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] When you're burned, you've got nothing: no cash, no credit, no job history. You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in.

Michael Westen:
[groggily] Where am I?

Fiona Glenanne:
Miami.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] You do whatever work comes your way.

Michael Westen:
[snaps fingers, car explodes]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] You rely on anyone who's still talking to you:

Michael Westen:
[laughs]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... a trigger-happy girlfriend...

Fiona Glenanne:
Should we shoot them?

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... and old friend who used to inform on you to the FBI...

Sam Axe:
You know spies: bunch of bitchy little girls.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... family, too...

Sam Axe:
[phone rings] Hey, is that your mom again?

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... if you're desperate...

Madeline Westen:
Someone needs your help, Michael.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... and a down-and-out spy you met along the way.

Jesse Porter:
That's how we do it, people.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Bottom line: as long as you're burned, you're not going anywhere.

[first lines]

Fiona Glenanne:
OWWW!

Michael Westen:
Hold still. I'm almost done.

[close on bullet wound being restitched]

Fiona Glenanne:
You're doing this on purpose!

Michael Westen:
I'm not the one who tore your stitches out second week in a row. Now *stop moving* or you're going to do some serious damage.

Fiona Glenanne:
I will "do some serious damage" to you when this is over, I promise you that, Michael Westen. You have the sewing skills of an orangutan!

Michael Westen:
[finished] There. Now you can kill me if you want to.

Fiona Glenanne:
[softly] God, I want to.

[Fiona tries to punch Michael with her good arm, but he catches it]

Michael Westen:
Oh, oh, yes, you should rest. There you go.

Fiona Glenanne:
Ugh. You're lucky that. these sedatives...

Fiona Glenanne:
[while yawning] are kicking in 'cause...

Fiona Glenanne:
...I will kill you.

Michael Westen:
I'll be here.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Doing your own field medicine has its advantages: no conversations with the police, the food's better, and relationship between patient and caregiver is very close.

[Fiona winces as Michael fixes her bandage, so she punches again, and connects]

Fiona Glenanne:
Ooh.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Of course, that last one can be a disadvantage as well.

Fiona Glenanne:
Gotcha.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Getting information out of hotels requires a delicate touch. One whiff that you're snooping and you'll just hear a lot of, "We can't give out that information." You need to get them on your side, convince them that you're someone who needs customer service.

Michael Westen:
[to desk clerk] Excuse me. I'm wondering if you could help me. A... friend of mine was staying at the hotel and, uh, we were supposed to hook up.

Hotel Desk Clerk:
Mr. Westen? We've been expecting you.

[Hotel Desk Clerk, nametagged Janet, hands Michael a hotel envelope with his name written on it]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Of course, when the hotel clerk turns out to be expecting you, that makes things a little easier.

Michael Westen:
Left it... for me? You sure?

Hotel Desk Clerk:
Yes. He had the bellman drop it off. He said you would be 6'1", exquisitely dressed, with impeccable posture.

[Michael opens the envelope, which was not sealed, and pulls out a hotel memo pad page with "Room 302" written on it]

Michael Westen:
Huh.

[Fade to third floor hallway, Michael approaching room 302]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In the world of espionage, there are a lot of ways to introduce yourself: you can use official channels; you can use a cover I.D.; you can use encrypted communication. Whatever the method, that first contact tells you a lot about a person.

[as Michael reaches the open door to Room 302, flames suddenly burst up throughout the room]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Especially when someone introduces himself by firebombing a hotel room.

[title card, "Metal Gear" alert sting]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The day that the cell phone call log was invented should be celebrated as a national holiday for spies. Even a cautious cell phone user who uses dial-back systems or switches phones often leaves behind a lot of information you can use.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Human intelligence can often be collected with a cover identity. There are times, though, when a cover ID has more to do with who you *are* than how you *act*.

Madeline Westen:
I've been through our records dozens of times. We lost a lot of that stuff in a hurricane a few years ago, and I've got files that, um, are nothing but mildew.

Tina:
Isn't that the worst? I lost a couch that way.

Madeline Westen:
I swear, sometimes I think we should all move to Phoenix.

[Tina lets out a loud laugh, catches herself. Madeline chuckles back]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Working an intelligence asset is part acting, part strategy. Some people don't have the talent... and some people do.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Precision driving is part of the standard training for an operative. It's mainly used when pursuing or being pursued. But, on occasion, it's a great way to make an impression.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Criminals deal with a shortage of skilled labor just like all businesses do. They can't give too much information to new hires, of course, but they also can't pass up real talent.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Family businesses are tough, and they're even tougher for criminals. Mix normal family issues with cash, violence, and the danger of getting arrested, and things get tense.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Anybody who works around acetylene knows to be extra careful. It's one of the hottest burning, most explosive gasses in existence.

Michael Westen:
[in character] They ain't gonna shoot, not while we're near these tanks, because if they do, there'll be little pieces of biker rainin' all around here! Ten grand now!

Michael Westen:
[narrative] For a covert operative, there's often a fine line between hunter and hunted. Letting someone hunt you is just another way of finding out more about them.

Sam Axe:
The cell phone signal's coming from out here.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Of course, there's also a fine line between following up intelligence and walking into a trap.

Sam Axe:
Doesn't get more exposed than this, does it. Sure you want to do this?

Michael Westen:
Yeah, I'm sure. Stay here. Cover me as... best as you can.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The best place for a bug is on something people keep with them. Many car remotes these days have enough space inside to hide a small bug, not to mention a battery to power the transmitter.

Fiona Glenanne:
[after installing the bug, tests it] Sam, can you hear me?

[Sam, across the street, gives a thumbs up]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] It's a quick, efficient, low-risk operation that costs as much as you care to tip the valet.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you work under a cover, whether you're a cop, a DEA agent, or a spy, you're getting into business with the bad guys. Your job is to stay in control of that business. The problem is, criminals are unpredictable. Sometimes they take your ideas and resources, and hurt innocent people. It's every undercover agent's worst nightmare, which is why you do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Boxing in a large vehicle and forcing it into crash takes a coordinated group effort. It's a little like flying planes in formation if one of the planes is trying to get away: very difficult and very, very dangerous. The good news is, when a plan requires clockwork timing and precise movement, it doesn't take much to ruin that precision. Do it right, and you can avoid sending anybody to the morgue. You may bruise a few egos, though.

Madeline Westen:
You can't be serious.

Michael Westen:
Mom, I wish there was some other way.

Madeline Westen:
She's my friend, Michael! You're asking me to go back to my friend, a woman I tried on *bathing suits* with for God's sake, a- an- and *blackmail* her into giving you documents?

Michael Westen:
I told you there was a reason not to get too close.

Madeline Westen:
Why? So I wouldn't feel bad when I destroy a life?

Michael Westen:
Mom, these are bad guys! They're using desperate people!

Madeline Westen:
Don't you talk to me about *using* people! You're asking me to force Tina in- to sneak into the records office; she's gonna lose her job!

Michael Westen:
And if she doesn't people will lose their lives!

[Madeline tries to light a cigarette]

Michael Westen:
It's one job. I know it's not easy, but if you do the math, Mom...

Madeline Westen:
That's what this is? "The math"?

Michael Westen:
Sometimes, yeah.

Madeline Westen:
Is this what you do, Michael? You destroy good people?

Michael Westen:
My job is to help people. And that can mean doing things that I wish I didn't have to do. And sometimes there's no other way. Now, you lived in the same house I did. You made hard choices, so you know this as well as I do.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you're blackmailing someone, you have to be cruel to be kind. Show any sympathy for your target and you only make it worse. You have to be the bad guy, let them feel like they have no choice. It's easier that way... Easier for them, anyway.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] A push bar is a hardened steel frame attached to the front of a car. It's usually used by cops, but it's useful for anyone who's planning on being in a high-speed collision.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There's a tunnel vision that people develop in a fight. They focus on their enemy, oblivious to everything else. The angrier they get, the more intense their focus. There comes a point where the adrenaline is so intense, you could land a jet behind them and they wouldn't notice.

[last lines]

[Michael parks the Charger inside the gates at his place. Sam Axe is sitting on the steps. Michael gets out, read's Sam's face]

Michael Westen:
What's wrong, Sam?

Sam Axe:
Well, I've been doin' some research, tryin' ta connect the dots to find our killer, you know? So, there was the hotel thing, right? Then I followed up your hunch about that stadium shooting in South America. Six police officials shot in a soccer stadium, six shots at the marine stadium.

Michael Westen:
No one claimed credit for either incident, though.

Sam Axe:
Right. Thing is, you were off in Bosnia when they did the follow-up, and both times there was a lot of talk about the same guy: Mason Gilroy.

Michael Westen:
[nods] I've heard the name. Are you sure?

Sam Axe:
Yep. There was some cologne on that note you got at the hotel. Stuff was called Monaco Silver. Last sighting of Gilroy...?

Michael Westen:
Monaco.

Sam Axe:
What a coincidence! So I came here to tell ya...

Sam Axe:
[takes out a cell phone]... and I found this by the gate. He knows where you live, Mike.

Michael Westen:
[takes phone] And he didn't kill me yet.

[Michael redials the last number called. It rings once, then picks up]

Michael Westen:
[into phone] Gilroy.

Mason Gilroy:
[over phone] You've figured out my name. Good for you. I knew you were a clever boy.

Michael Westen:
Are we *done* *playing*.

Sam Axe:
That is the question, isn't it. I noticed you didn't sound the alarm with the authorities, which I think is a promising sign. I think... perhaps we should meet.

Michael Westen:
Just give me a time and a place.

Michael Westen:
You read the files. What is Anson planning? Is he trying to disappear? What is his play here?

Vaughn Anderson:
Look, those numbers- they're not just bank accounts and blind trusts. They're linked to real things.

Michael Westen:
What things?

Vaughn Anderson:
Look, our organization- it wasn't just run on burned spies. We had an infrastructure. We had transport companies, supply depots, weapons manufacturers- legit businesses, all set up to serve our purposes. Without them in place, we would not exist!

Michael Westen:
What does this have to do with Anson?

Vaughn Anderson:
Michael, you really don't see it, do you? Anson isn't retiring. He's rebuilding. That organization that burned you- he's bringing that back online.

Michael Westen:
No...

Vaughn Anderson:
You can try and stop it. But if I know Anson, it may already be too late.

Dixon:
I said I don't want to talk to you. Go away!

Sam Axe:
Dixon, I just need a small favor, okay?

Dixon:
Favors are for friends, and friends don't tase one another and put them in the trunks of cars!

[ "Dixon" / 'Sam's "Friend"' ]

Sam Axe:
First of all, that was years ago. Second, I said I was sorry. And you know, third, if you'd agreed to help, I wouldn't have had to do it.

Dixon:
You guys suck!

Fiona Glenanne:
Hey, I've ridden in there. As trunks go, it's not so bad. Uh, Sam, I think I know how the cops found us. Dixon here likes to accessorize.

Sam Axe:
You're under house arrest? Why didn't you say something?

Dixon:
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention that when I was unconscious? I'm unconscious because *you* tased me!

Sam Axe:
[indicating Fi] Uh, technically, she tased you.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In any search and capture operation, you have to balance speed against planning. Once you locate your target, you have a hard choice to make. Take too much time planning and your target gets away. Take too little time planning and you get yourself killed.

Michael Westen:
Next. Come on.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The ironic thing about infiltrating a group of criminals is that the only way to successfully be accepted...

Michael Westen:
Next.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] is to actually be helpful.

Stan:
Stan Werner.

Michael Westen:
Have a seat. Next. Next.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] If you're useless or lazy, you'll probably wind up getting shot.

Michael Westen:
Good. Sit down. Next.

Judy:
J-J-Judy - J-Judy - Judy...

Michael Westen:
Come on. Spit your name out! Come on!

Judy:
[handing over I.D] Judy Eppleb-b-bee.

Michael Westen:
[enters "Epplebee, Judy" and checks it off below "Werner, Stan" and "Hogan, Ryan"] Okay. Thanks.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] You have to be the best little worker you can be...

Michael Westen:
Sit d- Get her to sit down.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] all to give yourself room to look for the best opportunity to destroy the people you're working for.

Michael Westen:
[to Madeline] Hey! Blondie! Yeah. With the spiked hair. Come here! Yeah, you! See anybody else spiky and blonde? Show me some I.D.

Madeline Westen:
[sotto voce] What the hell is going on, Michael? Tell me you have a plan.

Michael Westen:
[sotto voce] I do, but I'm gonna need your help.

Madeline Westen:
[scoffs] What a surprise.

Michael Westen:
[loudly] Okay, smart lady, you're going to have a job. You're gonna keep everyone in that room calm. You think you can do that?

Madeline Westen:
[with insulted defiance] I think I can do that.

Michael Westen:
Good. Go sit down. Get her to go sit down. Come on. Move it along.

Michael Westen:
[with Landes distracted, Michael types in "Marsden, Jack"] Next. Wait. Hold on. Where are the guys? I need a guy. I need a "Jack Marsden".

Landes:
Jack Marsden? There's no other guys in here.

Michael Westen:
Damn it. Gentlemen, we've got a problem.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] To improvise a weapon, you have to understand the basic principle behind whatever you're making. A gun, for example, is just a barrel and a firing pin, while a time-delay bomb can be as simple as a corrosive chemical, an oxidizing agent, and something to keep them from mixing together long enough so you don't blow your hands off.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Most commercial security systems use magnetic sensors. When a door opens, it breaks an electrical circuit and triggers the alarm. Which means defeating the system is just a matter of keeping a magnet in contact with the sensor. Unfortunately, very security-conscious people often customize systems with less-visible sensors... like a pressure plate in the floor that silently announces your presence and gives whoever's inside a chance to do something about it.

Jesse Porter:
Look, Mike, I appreciate you filling in for Sam on this job. I really do. I just got to ask you, are you sure this is a good time for you to be taking freelance work?

Michael Westen:
Well, the way I see it, Sam's got his hands full, and you need the help.

Jesse Porter:
Yeah, and your CIA contact is like this close to discovering you've been lying to her.

Michael Westen:
All the more reason for me to stay busy and out of her way. Just tell me what the job is.

Jesse Porter:
It's a- it's a corporate-security gig. Client's name is Richard Gronbach, billionaire. He owns fast-food joints and big-box stores. Some industrial-espionage types have been targeting him.

Michael Westen:
Do we know what they're after?

Jesse Porter:
No. No. That's what we have to find out. I got in with them posing as a middleman for stolen financial data. The other day, they asked me if I know a decryption guy who could do a quick job. Enter Michael Westen, a.k.a. Matt Graham. They're meeting at a private airport that Gronbach uses up north. They want to hack some airport computers.

Michael Westen:
I think I can handle that.

Jesse Porter:
[nervously] There's one more little- little thing. Uh, I needed someone to take some surveillance photos in the parking lot. Only problem is, all my guys look like FBI agents. So, I figured no one would notice, like, a...

Jesse Porter:
[clears throat] you know, like a 60ish-year-old woman sitting in a car.

Michael Westen:
You called my mom.

Jesse Porter:
I'll call her and tell her it's a no-go. It's - I...

Michael Westen:
Just tell me it's safe.

Jesse Porter:
They're white-collar guys, Mike. It's a cakewalk. It's just somethin' to keep your mind off things while Sam and Fi deal with your CIA problem.

Madeline Westen:
Well, it's nice to be dealing with people who carry BlackBerrys instead of guns for a change.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Businesses often use independent contractors on jobs to contain costs and limit liability. Criminals do the same thing for similar reasons. Someone who just joined the team won't expect an equal cut of whatever you're stealing, and if they don't know your plans, they can't go to the cops.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There's nothing quite like the feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach when you begin to suspect your intelligence on an operation may have been wrong. Once you're in, though, there's not much you can do but keep your eyes open and figure out just how bad the situation is.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There's a cold-math to hostage taking. Once someone dies, things get worse quickly. Because the penalty for killing one hostage is pretty much the same as the penalty for killing all of them, the key is keeping that first person alive, even if you have to bruise a few ribs to do it.

[during this narrative, Ward takes Madeline hostage outside and Michael disarms a second, elderly guard]

Sam Axe:
Not to pry, but is there something between you and Mike? I mean, ever since you guys moved in together, seems like things have been a little tense.

Fiona Glenanne:
I'd be happy with "tense". Michael can find room for my snow globes in his apartment but he can't figure out how I fit into his life.

Sam Axe:
Well, you know how Mikey is with commitment.

Fiona Glenanne:
Look, I really don't want to talk about his issues right now. I have issues of my own. I am driving around with an unconscious man in my trunk.

[police siren]

Fiona Glenanne:
Correction: I am driving around with an unconscious man in my trunk and a cop trying to pull me over.

Sam Axe:
Aw, crap. Do you think someone spotted us nabbing Dixon?

Fiona Glenanne:
We're not going to stick around to find out.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] If you need to redirect a airplane mid-flight and you can't get to the airport, your best bet is probably the local TRACON relay station. Responsible for guiding aircraft until airport traffic control takes over, their job is to keep anything bad from happening mid-flight. Fortunately, their job is also to be nervous, so it doesn't take much to spook them.

Holcomb:
[to hostages] All right, everyone! May I have your attention? We're not here to hurt you. In fact, you are gonna be our new partners in a little business venture. Your job here today is easy: stay calm and do as you're told. And in exchange for a job well done, you will receive two things: a gift certificate for a steak dinner and your lives. Now, I-I know some of you must be concerned that you've seen our faces. Don't be, because in a few hours, my team and I are gonna be sitting on a beach in a country that does not cooperate with U.S. law enforcement. So, you see, you have nothing to fear as long as things go well today. But if things don't go well, if you resist or try to call the police, then I'm gonna be forced to use this, and kill every... single... one of you. Steak dinner, or a grenade: the choice is yours.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Anyone who's used a cellphone near an alarm clock knows even minor interference disrupts radio signals. So if radio silence is your goal, you can create an electromagnet by running the current from your car's electrical system through a tire iron wrapped with copper speaker wiring. It's hard on your car's audio system, but it's a small price to pay for staying out of prison.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Wool or silk ties are considered higher quality than the polyester variety. Polyester ties do have certain advantages, however: they're less expensive and considerably more flammable than natural fibers, making them the tie of choice to ignite a gas tank.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In any kind of sabotage operation, the most important thing is keeping your enemy thinking you're on his side. That means selling your story by any means necessary. While it may be painful and unpleasant, nothing sells loyalty like shedding a little blood for the cause.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you need to get into a facility guarded by police, you have three options: you can go through them - not an option if you don't want a body count; you can go around them, which is is tough if there's a full surveillance team; or you can give them a reason to leave.

Madeline Westen:
Okay, anyone who wants to die can stay here. If you don't, follow me.

Ward:
Unh-unh-unh-unh. I'm done playing games. Tell me where Marsden is.

[Ward is struck from behind by a monkey wrench]

Madeline Westen:
Here's Marsden, you son of a b*tch.

Madeline Westen:
Michael, what are you doin'?

Michael Westen:
Putting blood on my shirt.

Madeline Westen:
Well, that can't be very sanitary.

Michael Westen:
Ma, I need to look like I've been fatally wounded. I'd rather not do it with a real bullet.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In trench warfare, a common practice is to dig a hole called a grenade sump. It works on a simple principle: when a grenade falls into your trench, you kick it into a deeper hole, which directs the force of the grenade upward. The same idea can work aboveground with large pieces of furniture.

Jesse Porter:
I know. I know. I owe you and your mom more than a thank-you on this one.

Michael Westen:
A new tie would be nice.

[last lines]

Michael Westen:
Any progress?

Agent Pearce:
Haven't found anything yet.

Agent Pearce:
[sighs] But now that we're chasing down this Romanian lead, I think it's just a matter of time before we find Max's killer. You know the first thing I do when I start an investigation? Put the victim's next of kin's number at the top of my speed dial. I- it's...

Agent Pearce:
[shows Michael phone] That's Max's wife's. I look at it every day, and I think about the day I'll be able to call and say, "We got the bastard." That day is close, Michael. And you will have been a part of that.

Michael Westen:
[flashback] We have to get rid of the gun.

Fiona Glenanne:
[flashback] You are taking big risks.

Michael Westen:
[flashback] I covered my tracks, so I covered the tracks of the killer.

Michael Westen:
I can always do more.

Michael Westen:
[picking up his box of files] Are you sure you don't want me to take another look at this stuff? Now you have two crime scenes to process and a whole network of Romanians to run down.

Agent Pearce:
Thanks, but I've got three times the manpower working the case now. I just need that one last piece, Michael.

Agent Pearce:
[takes the box] And maybe it's in this box.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Criminals often keep safehouses to fall back to in case things go wrong with everything they need to get to safety. They know that once they get there, they can relax and let their guard down a little, which makes it a perfect place to send the cops after them.

Michael Westen:
I hope Sam wasn't too much trouble, Mom.

Madeline Westen:
We had a lovely time. But the next time, Michael, that you want someone to babysit me, just tell me.

Michael Westen:
Mom, I...

Madeline Westen:
What? You didn't think I was gonna figure it out? I mean, he insisted on coming to aquarobics with me.

Michael Westen:
I'm sorry you had to see that.

Eddie Ash:
Hey man, it's me, man, it's me. Let's talk.

Valentine:
Go ahead. Talk.

Eddie Ash:
It's not like it looks, man.

Valentine:
Yeah, I see that.

Michael Westen:
How much?

Barry:
You get someone to vouch you, put you in the room with the guy, then I would say five grand. Promise nothing will happen to him, maybe I can do three.

Michael Westen:
Five it is.

Fiona Glenanne:
Of course, the tactical support I'm giving you, will cost you. I need new shoes.

Michael Westen:
You've got plenty of shoes.

Fiona Glenanne:
Well, now that I'm on the open market, I need more.

Madeline Westen:
Uh, Sam, didn't you forget something? [hands him some bullets] Oh! Looks like bullets. I found them in your pants. I heard them rattling around in the washing machine when I was doing your laundry.

Sam Axe:
Yeah, 9 mm. Uh, hey, err, I don't know what to say.

Michael Westen:
I'd say nothing. Nothing's good. Go with nothing.

Michael Westen:
I just want an introduction, Barry. Chances are good that this guy, Eddie, is talking to friends of yours. I just want to make my pitch.

Barry:
The next day you do the Michael Weston thing, stuff starts exploding, and everybody's saying, "Hey, Barry, wasn't that guy a friend of yours?". Sorry, no can do.

Michael Westen:
Sam's working up a cover ID for me. I'm just a guy from out of town. A friend of a friend. The blow won't get back on you. I give you my word.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Air ducts in a modern office are 18 inches wide. So if you need to make a quick escape, and you're older than four, you won't fit.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Knowing what someone wants can tell you a lot about who they are. So if what they want comes in a wooden crate, that you're not going to be allowed to open, you might have to turn your trunk into a makeshift x-ray machine. The tube from an old TV set is a good place to start. As part of the projection process, they emit x-rays. They are meant to handle around 30.000 volts. Any more than that, and they'll cook your eyes with radiation. So pump 100,000 volts into one from a taser, and you won't be able to diagnose a hairline fracture, but you'll get the basic idea.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] If you want to empty a building, pulling a fire alarm is useless; no-one pays attention unless they're actually on fire. A bomb scare next door to your target strikes the right balance, everyone clears out and then pays attention to the other building.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] The interior locks in an office suite are usually low end; just there to keep white collar workers from stealing coffee cups. File cabinet locking bars on the other hand are a more serious security measure. Their main vulnerability is that they depend on people's faith in padlocks. People have too much faith in padlocks.

Michael Westen:
Sam, did you, uh, get a chance to do that cover ID for me?

Sam Axe:
You're Jimmy Glinn. Flashy real estate developer slash cash churner. I threw in some vague Boston mob connections just for good measure.

Victor the Wrangler:
I don't like your field tactics.

Michael Westen:
I don't like your whining. Are you gonna pout all night?

Sam Axe:
I think know you. Aren't you that singer/rapper, Valentio... Valentine?

Valentine:
Yeah.

Sam Axe:
I just got one thing to say to you, you're what's wrong with our country, pal. Yeah, you call that music? Ug-uh, Ug-uh. What-what's going on there?

Valentine:
Wait a minute. First of all, what do you listen to, old timer?

Sam Axe:
Barbara Mandrell. Nothing wrong with that. Kenny G. Captain and Tenille.

Valentine:
Woah! That's like too gangster for me.

Michael Westen:
A little harmless gunfire attracts less attention than a double homicide.

Victor the Wrangler:
I warned you what would happen if you pulled another stunt, Michael.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] Criminals are, as a rule, paranoid and self-serving.

Fiona Glenanne:
[incredulous] Michael called you to tell you to blow a hole in the wall of a bank, and you didn't think to ask when?

Sam Axe:
Look, it was a brief conversation. We didn't talk about shoes or movies either. Would you just place the explosives already?

Michael Westen:
[narration] Elevators have so many safety devices that they're easy to sabotage. Disable any part...

[jams a shim into the door]

Michael Westen:
...and the entire system shuts down.

Fiona Glenanne:
[frustrated] I still think we should set off the charges, blow a hole in the wall, rush in... Beats waiting out here.

Sam Axe:
Yeah, that's good, let's get Mike and the hostages killed because you have the attention span of a 3 year old.

Madeline Westen:
Michael, what are you doing?

Michael Westen:
I left something in here.

Madeline Westen:
You just assumed I was never gonna broil anything?

Michael Westen:
Well, so far, I've been right.

Jason Bly:
[to Michael] I must say, for a tough guy you sure dress like an Easter egg.

[first lines]

[Sam and Fi on surveillance of Michael's impersonator as time passes rapidly]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In any surveillance operation, you have to resist the impulse to grab your target and interrogate him immediately. It may be tempting, particularly when your target was, say, involved in framing you fo a murder.

[subject peeks out from blinds:
"Jacob" / "The man who posed as Michael", "Person of interest"]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Of course, just because it's the right way to do things doesn't make it fun.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] As a spy, a lot of missions depend on the world not knowing you're there. When an op involves saving someone's life and keeping your presence unknown... you have to make their escape look credible. So if the person you're saving is an untrained civilian, you need to make it look like they escaped like an untrained civilian.

Michael Westen:
I got your message. This is my "I'm concerned we just kidnapped our only lead back to Max's killer"-face.

Fiona Glenanne:
Well, be thankful it's not your "Our only lead got murdered by a Latino gang"-face.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies deal with foreign agencies, dirty corporations, and criminal syndicates all the time, but none of that compares to dealing with families. Asking a man to take apart his business or turn on his country is easy compared with going into a man's home and telling him how to deal with the people he loves. That's why, when confronted with a family situation, it's usually a good idea... to tell the truth.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There are dozens of ways to disarm a man with a gun, but unfortunately, they all come with a risk that the gun will go off. No matter how good you are, it's not something you want to try with a child present... Unless you want to tell a bereaved mom that you gambled with her kid's life because you felt lucky.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] You can tell a lot about a group from looking at their base. Their fortifications can tell you whether they're focused on offense or defense, and their vehicle type and number can tell you how mobile they are. The most important thing to check: their weapons. If they're carrying M16s on full auto, you're probably not dealing with amateurs camping in the woods.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Sneaking past trained operatives waiting in ambush is usually next to impossible. They can stay alert through the long, boring hours of waiting, ready for action at any second. Amateurs, on the other hand, tend to relax, which can give you the opening you need.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Coordinated covert offenses involving two teams are a lot like ballroom dancing: you have to synchronize your steps, time your moves, and always put your partner first. But unlike the tango or the two-step, it's good form to hog the limelight during covert ops. If all eyes are on you, your partner can work undetected on the sidelines.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Using an untrained asset to make contact with a target is not ideal; meeting in person would be an outright failure, so it helps to do it over the phone. That way you can write the script for the asset, and all they have to do is read... most of the time.

Jacob Starky:
[reading to voicemail in a stilted voice] Dude, it's me. I don't know what's going on, but some gang guys are trying to kill me. I think it's 'cause of some of the stuff you had me do. I really need your help, man. Call me.

Michael Westen:
Fi, you don't have to do this. I could...

Fiona Glenanne:
Oh, please. You'll stick out like Sam's chin.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Tricking an enemy into letting you inside their stronghold is a strategy as oold as the ancient Greeks. But you don't always need to build a large wooden horse. With a modified special-purpose insertion/extraction harness, you can hitch a ride under a vehicle and go right through the front door.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] For as long as armies have built fortifications, others have tried to get past them. Siege warfare can involve tunneling under, scaling over, or smashing through walls. Once you're inside, though, you're dealing with an entrenched enemy defending his home. That's why the most successful sieges often don't involve attacking at all, but tricking your enemy into coming out.

Madeline Westen:
I never got away from *my* husband. Hm. I always regretted that.

[last lines]

[after tying off the steering and jumping overboard on a boat rigged with a bomb set to go off at a predetermined sea depth, a wet Michael dressed as Jacob approaches Sam on shore]

Sam Axe:
[referencing the photo of the bomb on his phone] Well, this puppy wasn't made by an amateur. Look at that trigger.

Michael Westen:
Yeah. Definitely a pro.

[Michael gives Sam a piece of the C-4 he cut from the bomb]

Sam Axe:
[takes the piece] Well, that's the good news. We can run a chemical trace on this C-4, figure out where it's from.

Michael Westen:
That, plus the components, should be enough to find out whoever built this.

Sam Axe:
I'll show this to Fi. She'll know where to start. Don't worry, Mike. We're gonna get this guy.

Michael Westen:
I know, Sam. We just need to do it before the CIA comes after me for Max's murder. Time's running out. And when it does...

[the boat explodes]

Olivia Riley:
Do you know what the bit for an obstruction of justice charge is?

[Madeline shakes her head "no"]

Olivia Riley:
At your age, you'll die in prison.

Madeline Westen:
Beats ending up in a nursing home.

Olivia Riley:
I wouldn't be too sure about that. You're helping an enemy of the state. You're not gonna get sent to some medium-security playground. You'll do hard time the whole time. But tell us where your son is, doesn't have to be that way.

Madeline Westen:
Last I checked, the CIA is not allowed to spy on an American citizen, so I don't think I'd be the only one in trouble here. You let me out now, or I'm calling my lawyer. And if you think I would *ever* let you know where my son's gonna go, you're out of your god damn mind.

Michael Westen:
Hey.

Sam Axe:
Hey, yourself. Where is everybody?

Michael Westen:
Fi and Jesse are doing a perimeter check, and Schmidt's making our travel arrangements.

Calvin Schmidt:
[arguing with a contact on the phone] I'm... I'm actually trying to... I'm helping you by calling you a douchebag! Yes, I am! Yes, I am.

Michael Westen:
Least he's trying to. I didn't think you'd be back.

Sam Axe:
Well, I wasn't sure myself. So I went to see Elsa. Don't give me any crap about breaking protocol.

Michael Westen:
No, Sam, I'm glad that you did.

Sam Axe:
You should be, 'cause she's the one who convinced me to stick by you. She said if I abandoned my best friend, then I'm not the guy she fell in love with.

Michael Westen:
I don't know what to say. Thanks.

Sam Axe:
Don't thank me. 'Cause I told her we're not just running. As soon as we get someplace safe, we're gonna sit down and figure out a way to fix all of this. So please, Mike, don't make me a liar.

Michael Westen:
I promise you I'll make this right. I don't know how, but I will make this right, Sam.

Emily:
[about their game plan] Do you guys have like a manual where you get this stuff or something?

Sam Axe:
We just make it up as we go.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Whenever possible, it's best to avoid charging into a building filled with angry men with guns. If going in is your only option, you choose the best place to stage an ambush, lock and load, and get your enemies to come to you.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Forging an intelligence file is always tricky. Spies are trained to catch even tiny inconsistencies from outdated typeface to the wrong kind of thermal-chromatic ink. Even the folder needs to be picture perfect, because the fact is, spies do judge books by their covers.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] An effective booby trap not only needs to look like a good hiding spot, it also needs to leave your enemy incapacitated. A well-placed 50-gallon oil drum should pique your target's curiosity. And a portable defibrillator packs enough punch to make their heart skip a beat without stopping it entirely. Wire the defibrillator to a convincing decoy and whoever comes looking will be in for a shock. Connect the camera wirelessly through an Internet phone provider and you'll be able to keep an eye on your trap from anywhere in the world without having to pay long distance.

Sam Axe:
Chuck Finley is forever.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies spend plenty of time with sociopaths and criminals, but sometimes it's even more dangerous to hang out with their victims. Letting your emotions get the best of you can threaten the entire operation.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] To create a blank spot in someone's memory, you need to be equal parts drinking buddy and amateur chemist. First, you need the target to party enough to make your story believable the next day. At the same time, you need to gauge their tolerance so you can combine just the right amount of alcohol with just the right amount of pharmaceutical assistance.

Colonel Russell:
You have no idea who you're messin' with.

Michael Westen:
Well, whose fault is that? You haven't told us your name yet!

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When your surveillance is about to be blown, you have two choices: you can run, or you can stay put and make it look like you have a reason to be there.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There's an art to building a listening device that's meant to be discovered. It's not enough for it to look like a bug; it needs to have a fatal flaw to make sure someone finds it, like a high-frequency transmitter that causes ear-splitting feedback when placed near other electronics.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Police breaching techniques generally involve removing a door by its hinges or knocking it open with a battering ram. Military breaching techniques are more aggressive: they don't just try to get by the door, they use it as a weapon.

Charles Archer:
The one on top: widow in Coral Gables. She should be worth two and a half. She's won a lawsuit against some chemical company that killed her kid.

Sam Axe:
[insincere smile and chuckle] Charles, you're a real peach.

Charles Archer:
A million dollars?

Michael Westen:
That's my Sunday special! Cops are picking apart the crime scene! DNA is on its way to the lab! You're covered in blood! You wanna guess how many palms I gotta grease?

Charles Archer:
Look, I can get you half a million.

Michael Westen:
Half a million. Are you negotiating with me? Are you negotiating with me!

Charles Archer:
A million's too much! I'd rather run for it!

Michael Westen:
Great idea! Fugitives escape all the time!

Michael Westen:
[to Sam] Ladykiller here is going to prison! I'd distance myself!

[last lines]

[Fiona calls Michael on the phone]

Michael Westen:
[answers] Yeah, Fi.

Fiona Glenanne:
Jesse found out! About everything. He had a gun!

Michael Westen:
Wait-wait-wait. Are you okay?

Fiona Glenanne:
We ruined his *life*, Michael!

Michael Westen:
Where is he?

Fiona Glenanne:
I don't know. But I think he's going to make us pay.

Carson Huxley:
Marriage is like a loaf of bread. It tastes great at the start, but it goes stale very fast.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Using civilians in undercover operations is all about emotional manipulation, so it's your job to help them be who they need to be, feel what they need to feel, by any means necessary.

Madeline Westen:
[takes a couple bills and hands the rest to Michael] Here. Use that to fix up your dad's Charger.

Michael Westen:
Maybe it's time to just leave the past in the past.

Madeline Westen:
Maybe it's time to stare the past down and deal with it, Michael. It happened, for better or for worse. It made us who we are. All you can do now is look towards the future.

[first lines]

[ "Somewhere in the Costa Rican jungle", a pair of dirtbikes race through]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you're pursuing someone, it's tempting to focus exclusively on overtaking the other person. It's often better to force the person you're chasing to go faster than the terrain allows and wait for them to make a mistake. But even when a chase ends, you can never assume the other person will give up without a fight.

Michael Westen:
It's over.

[other biker removes helmet revealing... ]

Fiona Glenanne:
It's not over, Michael. One more time.

Michael Westen:
No. That was our tie-breaker, Fi.

Fiona Glenanne:
Best out of five, then.

Michael Westen:
Hate to see you lose again.

[Michael reaches down to help her up. Fi takes his hand, but kicks his feet out from under him, then straddles him]

Michael Westen:
Ohh! Fi!

Fiona Glenanne:
Yes, you would. I can be a very sore loser.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Intelligence agencies spend more money *protecting* secrets than stealing them, but no digital encryption or biometrically locked vaults can keep sensitive information from spilling out of an indiscreet asset's mouth, which is why one of the most common duties for a spy is babysitting.

Fiona Glenanne:
[sighs] Well, the balcony's big enough to lay prone with a sniper rifle, but there's really no obvious place for my snow globes. What do you think, Michael?

[Michael stares out at the surf]

Fiona Glenanne:
Michael?

Michael Westen:
Huh? Yeah, I think so.

[Clearly he's wasn't listening]

Fiona Glenanne:
You think what?

[Michael's cellphone rings]

Michael Westen:
I think... I got to take this. Yeah, Jesse?... I'll meet you there in 15 minutes.

Fiona Glenanne:
You think what?

Michael Westen:
I think... we gotta go. Jesse wants to meet.

[Realtor's footsteps approach]

Michael Westen:
I'll wait outside.

Realtor:
Where did your friend go?

Fiona Glenanne:
Oh, I'm afraid we haven't quite captured his attention today. But this isn't for him. It's for me. So maybe you and I can meet up again Monday?

Realtor:
Oh, no problem. You know, and don't worry. Lots of men don't really focus until it's time to negotiate.

Fiona Glenanne:
Yeah, well, that man doesn't focus unless an international conspiracy is threatening to ruin his life.

Realtor:
[chuckles nervously] Hmm.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Covert security is all about making friends. You have to give yourself a plausible reason to be near your target. Some of the most important secrets in the world have been protected by a guy with a few stories and a drink in his hand.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Controlling an unruly asset is tough, especially when women and alcohol are combined, which is why, as a general rule, you don't even try to control the hunter - you just scare off the prey.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Interrogating a captive isn't just about what you know about *them*, it's what they know about *you*: if they think you're cops, they'll behave one way; if they think you're rivials, they'll behave another. It's a choice you only get to make once, so you have to do your homework and get it right the first time.

Sam Axe:
[of their Yakuza prisoner] He's got a busted hip and one of his arms is broken. I mean, the guy's a lunatic: tried to play a game of human Frogger and it didn't quite work out for him.

[Michael gives Sam a quizzical look]

Sam Axe:
Frogger. It's a video game from the '80s? Nevermind.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you can't keep an asset away from his favorite vice, it's often better to supply him with a safe target, which is one reason why female operatives are trained in how to keep men interested while fending them off like Aikido masters.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] A necessary evil that goes along with being a spy is maintaining frendships with all sorts of unsavory people, like drug dealers, for example.

Sugar:
[knocking on door] Yo, Mikey! Mikeeey!

Michael Westen:
"Mikey"? Really, Sugar? Try it again.

Sugar:
[as door closes] Uh...

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Of course, some friendships are friendlier than others.

[Sugar knocks again. Michael opens the door]

Sugar:
Michael, hey. I got over here as quick as I could. Hospital-grade amphetamines and phenobarbital. What kind of party you got going on in here, huh?

Michael Westen:
Time to go, Sugar. Consider us *almost* even.

Sugar:
Hold it. Hold on. I feel it'd be irresponsible of me to hand that over to you without a consult.

[pause]

Sugar:
[laughing] It's gonna knock ya flat! But in a good way.

[Michael closes door]

Sugar:
[happy] Yeah. Okay.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The work of a spy doesn't always involve undermining people. Oftentimes, the solution to a problem is simply convincing someone to behave like a better human being, but it may take more than a stern lecture.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The most advanced directional microphones can capture human speech at distances of 200 meters. So long as you have a clear line of sight on your target, there's nothing better for eavesdropping on a private conversation.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When tailing someone dangerous, it's a good idea to give yourself an innocent-sounding reason to be following your target. Most of the time, you won't need it, but if it turns out your target is on to you...

Hiroshi:
Why are you following us?

Michael Westen:
[narrative] you'll *really* need it.

Sam Axe:
[pulling out the watch he'd slipped off his wrist] Whoa, whoa. Hey, guys, I think one of you left this on the table in there. I mean, she's a beaut. I would hate to lose a watch like this, you know, if she were mine.

Hiroshi:
[takes watch with his right hand, which is also conspicuously wearing a gold watch] Yes. That is mine. Thank you.

[they walk off with the watch, both chuckling]

Sam Axe:
Okay, they just stole my watch.

Michael Westen:
Are you out of your mind, Ma? You *can't* go in there...

Madeline Westen:
I can.

Michael Westen:
[shaking her, screaming into her face] You do as I tell you!

Madeline Westen:
[pulling free, angry] Damn it! Don't tell me what I can't do! You can play your father in there, but not out here.

[last lines]

Michael Westen:
I got you something.

[Michael walks over to a horizontal plank of wood]

Fiona Glenanne:
Lumber?

Michael Westen:
It's a shelf. I mean, it's going to be a shelf. I was hoping...

Michael Westen:
[reaches into a bag] you could...

Michael Westen:
[pulls out something and shakes it] put your snow globes on it.

[He *was* listening!]

Michael Westen:
It is a new job, Fi, but it's not a new life. I like my life, and I want to live it with you... here. That's what I was trying to say. I want you to move in. What do you think?

[they kiss]

Michael Westen:
"Who am I?" doesn't matter. All you need to know is that your good friend Takada, has been captured?

Hiroshi:
How you know this?

Michael Westen:
Because I'm the one who captured him. [Sam, Fiona, and Jesse enter behind Hiroshi]

Sam Axe:
What's Japanese for "drop your weapons?"

Jesse Porter:
Well, maybe something like this. [Jesse cambers his weapon]

Fiona Glenanne:
No. I think it's this. [Fiona hits Hiroshi with her shotgun]

Lieutenant Seth Casey:
Westen. I guess I should be thanking you. According to Patty, if you and your buddy Sam hadn't been around, things could've been a lot worse.

Michael Westen:
I was just helping out a friend.

Lieutenant Seth Casey:
Got the department's file on you. Says you have a fondness for explosives. Just so happens I got a safe blown out of the floor in there.

Michael Westen:
That was like that when we got here.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies spend a lot of time traveling, but they don't usually end up in the most desirable destinations.

["The Bahamas" / "A Desirable Destination"]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] You're much more likely to find yourself visiting a rebel camp in the Philippine jungle or a hidden bunker in the mountains of Pakistan than lounging beachside in the Bahamas. But even when you do find yourself in a vacation paradise, it's still all about business.

Fiona Glenanne:
[cell phone rings, Fi answers] Michael, I can't believe I waited this long to come to the Bahamas. I'm at this lovely little beach bar.

Michael Westen:
[in his place in Miami] You're at a *bar*? What happened to identifying a dead body at the morgue?

Fiona Glenanne:
Relax! Jesse and I are hard at work.

[Jesse is on his back on bar with a slice of lime in his mouth and being danced around by pretty girls]

Ty:
[bringing Fiona a drink incorporating a flowering pineapple and two straws] We call this a Love Boat.

["Ty" / "Coroner's Assistant"]

Ty:
You can't leave the island without tryin' one of these.

Fiona Glenanne:
No, you can't.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Like magicians, pickpockets rely on misdirection.

Ty:
Do you like it?

Fiona Glenanne:
I like it!

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Whether you're pulling keys out of a pocket or a rabbit out of a hat, it's all about big distraction.

Fiona Glenanne:
I can't stop.

Fiona Glenanne:
[laughs]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies don't always have a choice of hiding spaces. Sometimes it comes down to taking what's available. But if you have to hide in something that is designed to be airtight, you better hope the danger passes before you run out of oxygen.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In the field, you can never count on your first approach being successful. You have to be ready to change tactics on the fly. Spies learn to make lightning-fast observations and connects the dots just as quickly. Little things like a family photo with no father and a missing wedding ring can tall you all you need to know about a target's soft spot... or better yet, their sore spot.

Josh Wagner:
[threatening with a gun] Just get me the money back!

Nick Madison:
I don't have it! I swear to God, I did *not* steal from you.

Josh Wagner:
Liar!

Patty:
He's not l-lying! Please don't s-shoot us, Mr. Wagner! Please!

Sam Axe:
[runs in with Michael] Josh! You don't want to do this.

Josh Wagner:
Sam? What the hell are you doing here?

Sam Axe:
I'm here to help. Just put that down.

Josh Wagner:
[pointing gun at Michael] Who are *you*?

Michael Westen:
My name's Michael. I'm a friend of Sam's. Listen. Let's talk about this.

Nick Madison:
No!

Michael Westen:
There's a better way to handle this, Josh.

Nick Madison:
No, no, *no*! I *tried* better ways, Sam. I-I-I went to the police. I asked nicely. Nothing happened. Nothing worked. I am out of options!

[ "Josh" / "Out of Options" ]

Michael Westen:
We don't want anybody to get hurt, Josh. We don't want you to go to jail.

Josh Wagner:
I *deserve* to go to jail for trusting the charity's money to this *thieving* *bastard*!

[ "Nick Madison" / "Thieving Bastard" ]

Josh Wagner:
I'm not going anywhere. Understand me? Not until I get every penny of that money back.

Nick Madison:
Josh, buddy. I know that you're upset, but...

[Josh huts him in the face with the butt of his gun]

Nick Madison:
Aah!

Patty:
Oh! Oh, my God.

Josh Wagner:
I'm not your damn buddy.

[sirens wail]

Josh Wagner:
Who called the cops?

Lieutenant Seth Casey:
This is Lieutenant Seth Casey, Miami Metro Police.

[ "Lt. Casey" / "Tough S.O.B." ]

Lieutenant Seth Casey:
Whoever you are, if you want this to work out, you will pick up the phone. Right now. We need to talk.

Josh Wagner:
W-what do I do? What do I say?

Sam Axe:
Mike, this train's about to start moving real fast. It's not too late for you to hop off, but I'm staying.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In a hostage crisis, first contact with the police is critical. One wrong word from a hostage taker can be the difference between the start of negotiations or the start of an armed assault.

Lieutenant Seth Casey:
Pick up the phone!

Michael Westen:
[as Josh goes to answer the phone] Stop!

Josh Wagner:
He said I should...

Michael Westen:
Leave it. You sound like you're gonna jump off a bridge. You answer a phone like that, and you'll have a SWAT team banging through the door before you hang up. I'll get it.

Michael Westen:
[to Sam] I leave when you leave.

Michael Westen:
[timidly into the phone] Hello? Hello?

Lieutenant Seth Casey:
Who am I speaking with?

Michael Westen:
He says I can't answer any of your questions. He says that... no one will get hurt as long as... you don't... come any closer.

Lieutenant Seth Casey:
O-Okay, but tell him I can't help him... u-unless I can talk to him.

Michael Westen:
He-he says I got to go.

Lieutenant Seth Casey:
Wait, wait, wait. Don't hang up. Tell him the line's open. Anytime he wants to talk, all he has to do is...

[Michael hangs up]

Michael Westen:
You hung up on him?

Josh Wagner:
This is more of a "less is more" situation. I'm just buying time.

Sam Axe:
Okay, Josh, we're gonna help you get your money back, but only if you let us call the shots.

Josh Wagner:
Are you sure about this? You could go to jail.

Sam Axe:
Right now we're just two friends trying to end this peacefully. As long as it stays that way, Mike and I can get your money back and stay out of jail. Deal?

Josh Wagner:
[sighs, shakes hands] Deal.

Michael Westen:
Josh. [Josh is distracted for a moment, long enough for Sam to get the gun from him]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When interrogators hear a story without any holes, they know someone's lying. Only people who are afraid of getting caught take the time to rehearse every detail and anticipate every question... The same holds true for accounting. Perfect books are like perfect alibis: it confirms you're dealing with a liar. But there's no way to prove it.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In a hostage situation, it's standard procedure for police to run cellphone jammers and commandeer all the phone lines in your location. To make a call without a police operator, you need to access a line they're not listening on. It's a lot like stealing cable from your neighbor. If you can access a common wall and stretch the conduit, you can connect your phone to the unmonitored line next door.

Sam Axe:
[counting on his fingers] Armed kidnapping... unlawful confinement... Madison's right: we're looking at some considerable jail time, Mike.

Michael Westen:
You're not helping the mood, Sam.

Sam Axe:
'M sorry I got you into this, brother.

Michael Westen:
[checks watch] I'm the one who decided to stay.

Sam Axe:
[chuckles] Funny. When I was 10 years old, I wanted an air rifle more than anything in the whole world, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I used my five-finger discount.

Michael Westen:
You got caught stealing a BB gun?

Sam Axe:
Mike, it was a Red Ryder, okay? My dad told the cops to lock me up for a couple hours - you know, just to freak me out. I haven't seen the inside of a jail cell since.

Michael Westen:
It's a little early to call it a day, Sam.

Michael Westen:
[gets up] We still got some cards to play.

[ "Tom Norris" / "Scam Artist" ]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Making a cold approach to a scam artist is never ideal. They tend to assume that a stranger showing up out of the blue is either a cop or someone they've ripped off.

Jesse Porter:
My man, Tommy! How you been, dude? Listen, we need to...

[Tom runs]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Either way, you have to be ready for them to run. Fortunately, tactical support can make foot chase much more civilized. Instead of relying on speed and endurance...

[Jesse picks up a bottle and throws it... ]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] all you need is a distraction...

[near Tommy's feet, making him look back... ]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] and good timing.

[as Fi blocks his path with the car, causing him to roll over the hood]

Michael Westen:
Fi, if there ever was a time to pull out all the stops, this is it.

Fiona Glenanne:
[sweetly] Michael... I never thought I'd hear you say those words.

[Fi hangs up and pops the trunk. Tom Norris is tied up inside]

Fiona Glenanne:
Move over. You're lying on my C-4.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Floor safes are virtually impenetrable as long as they're in the floor. If you don't have a jackhammer to pry one out, you need to get creative. Homemade shape charges will do the trick, but if you want to avoid turning a standoff into a full-scale breach, you'd better have a way to muffle the blast... Once a floor safe is out of the floor, it offers about as much protection as a piggy bank.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies are trained to follow certain procedures when holding someone at gunpoint: stand out of arm's reach... keep your weight on your back foot... never take your eye off the target. Unless you *want* your weapon taken. Then you do exactly the opposite.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies don't always make decisions based on training, experience, or potential success of a mission. Sometimes, it's just a matter of doing what you think is right, even if it means putting your fate in the hands of a stranger.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Fresh-painted walls and steam-cleaned carpets are great if you're a realtor showing a vacant apartment. If you're a spy hoping to find a clue, there's nothing worse than a sparkling-clean home.

Jesse Porter:
Maybe Kassar's a neat freak.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] If you can't even find spare change in the sofa, chances are you won't find anything at all.

Michael Westen:
You're wasting your time.

Jesse Porter:
Hey, you wanna go wait in the car, be my guest, all right? I didn't jump through all those hoops trackin' this guy down just to... give up 'cause you say it's a dead end.

Michael Westen:
It might not be a dead end. Spring cleaning like this takes time. Chances are somebody was seen.

Jesse Porter:
You want to go talk to the neighborhood watchdog?

[Michael nods]

Jesse Porter:
All right. I'm letting you know right now, that chick is a stickler for IDs.

[Michael pulls out an FBI badge and credentials]

Jesse Porter:
You just happened to bring that.

Michael Westen:
I had a feeling we might need it.

[last lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Every precaution you take to make something more secure also makes it less accessible. Concealing a high-density tape cartridge behind drywall is a great way to keep it from being found...

Jesse Porter:
She got away, man. We just blew a chance to end this thing.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] but if you ever have to leave in a hurry, you can't expect to take it with you.

Michael Westen:
I don't know, Jesse. I think we're just getting started.

Fiona Glenanne:
[to someone who is tied up inside her trunk] Move over. You're lying on my C4.

Nick Madison:
[Sam has picked up Nick's toaster] I don't care if you burn me, electrocute me or whatever it is you're thinking...

Sam Axe:
Relax, Nick. I just want to borrow your toaster.

[rolls out from under truck that is driving away; avoiding being run over]

Fiona Glenanne:
Don't try this at home.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] It takes a good marksman to shoot you at 50 feet from a moving car, but it takes a great marksman to miss... while making it look like they are trying to hit you... or markswoman as the case may be.

Jimmy:
Ow - I think I sprained my body!

Michael Westen:
Hey, Fi.

Fiona Glenanne:
I can't believe you, Michael. Forty-eight hours ago we said "good-bye", possibly forever. And then I get a message from you on my cell that I should come right over because you got a job.

Michael Westen:
Fi, there's a lot going on, so...

Fiona Glenanne:
You couldn't start with "I'm alive"?

Michael Westen:
I thought the fact that I was calling covered that.

Fiona Glenanne:
[setting up C4 in a boat] You want this big, right?

Michael Westen:
Just enough for the boat, Fi. Try not to break all the windows in South Beach.

Michael Westen:
Seems the people who burned me want me for a job. For now, that's all I got.

Sam Axe:
A job? Does it pay?

Michael Westen:
More of a "we'll kill you if you don't do it" type of thing.

Sam Axe:
Ah. Never liked those.

Michael Westen:
Making yourself comfortable I see.

Sam Axe:
Err, comfortable? I wouldn't go that far. Mike, how do you fit into these little shirts? They're like doll clothes.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] When you work as a spy, it's easy to think of people as assets. Resources to accomplish a goal. Because you don't have a personal relationship with an asset. You don't care about an asset. You don't miss the scent of an asset when she leaves the room.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Airbags are great for surviving crashes but they make some evasive maneuvers tough. Gone are the days when you could run through a stand of trees without a face full of nylon. Of course anything you used to do head-on you can still do... but it's a little hard on anyone who's stuffed in your trunk.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] When you're claiming to be someone you're not, the key is commitment. You've got to sell it like your life depends on it. Because sometimes it does. One reason to work with the same people is you know each other's moves; so if you shoot at your team in the middle of an operation, they know to go with it.

Sam Axe:
[Michael shoots the rear view mirror off Sam's car] What the hell is he doing?

Fiona Glenanne:
I think we just got recruited into Michael's cover identity.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Private military companies are best known for their bodyguard work. It's a big part of their business but it's not the only part. For a big enough check they'll rain hot lead down wherever you want. It's not work that attracts service-with-a-smile types.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] As a spy, you get to spend a lot of time alone... Whether you're in an Indonesian prison, a cave in the Afghan mountains, or the back of a cargo truck, it comes with the job. You're trained to make the most of it, plan your next move, go over your intel, review your training, but, when you've cleaned your gun thirty times, and reviewed the past tense of every verb in five languages, you start itching to make a move.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Security measures can sometimes seem a little cruel. Just like parents sometimes twist their kid's arm, yanking them out of a busy street. Sometimes the safest thing, isn't the most comfortable.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Every thief knows that the best way to scout a place you want to rob is as a customer. Who gets to see the vault at the local bank? The rich guy with something to protect. Who gets to see the security at a private military company? A guy who wants to start his own little war.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] A great way to get people talking about their security, is to put them on the defensive. Accuse a guy of having bad locks, and before you know it, he's telling you where his motion detectors are.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] It takes some practice, but counting your steps can be extremely useful if you need to reproduce a floor plan from memory... Once you're memorized a floor plan, you want to get it down on paper a quickly as you can. Combine that with the technical specs of the security devices in the room, and you'll know where the holes in the security are. Then it's just a matter of slipping through one of those holes.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Getting into a secure facility is as simple as giving yourself a good reason to be there.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] The typical floor is concrete slab over 20-guage steel pan with the steel trusses spaces thirty inches for support. When you cut through a floor, the thing you have to worry about is wiring. Cut into the wrong wire, and you'll set off the building alarms, electrocute yourself, of both. If you don't want a chunk of concrete crashing through to the floor below, you need to drill a hole, and anchor the slab. A concrete saw cuts it like butter. If you've done your planning right, you'll be dropping in to a blind spot in the security system, usually behind an interior wall.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Motion detectors bounce sound off objects, and analyze the reflection. If something changes, the alarm goes off. Move slow enough, and a wool comforter absorbs enough sound to keep it from triggering. A thermal blanket, meanwhile, shields your body from heat sensors.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Quadrangle buckshot is a specialized round designed to destroy the inside of any delicate. A computer for example. For hardened security glass I prefer Frag-12, a military round with an explosive projectile.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Once the cops pick up a call on a flagged cell, they triangulate it's location. From there, they organize and deploy units - a process that can take ten minutes, give or take. Bad guys don't have that chain of command, they can be anywhere as fast as their wheels can take them.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] In intelligence gathering, too little information is obviously a problem, but too much information is just as bad in some ways.

Michael Westen:
You said we'd meet. You promised, I believe.

Carla:
But we did meet, Michael. Tell Sam thanks for the help with the crossword.

Michael Westen:
[realizing] Oh, sh-!

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Security measures can sometimes seem a little cruel. Just like parents sometimes twist their kid's arm yanking them out of a busy street sometimes the safest thing isn't the most comfortable.

Michael Westen:
[to Jimmy, in the trunk, zip tied, mouth duct-taped] Sorry about the trunk, but I had to keep you out of sight for a few counties until we got clear of the police. [trying to hit Michael with a crowbar] Jimmy, what are you doing? We don't have time for this. I'm here to help you. Now the people who did this are putting the screws to me too. I don't wanna be here any more than you do. Now, do you want your family back? [Jimmy nods] I'm gonna work on that. Can you be good? We have a long drive back to Miami. If you can be good, you get to ride up front.

Michael Westen:
[Explosion] [Cell Phone Rings] Hello?

Carla:
Hello, Michael.

Michael Westen:
Sounds like you're having quite a party out there.

Carla:
Indeed we are, and you're the guest of honor. [Michael pointing his gun] No need for that, Michael. The shooting's all over. I hope you're not too disappointed.

Michael Westen:
You can see me? Oh, I wish I could see you. I thought we were gonna meet.

Carla:
We will. First some business.

Michael Westen:
Yeah, sweetie. I thought we were gonna discuss why you burned me.

Carla:
We've had our eye on you for a while, Michael.

Michael Westen:
I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name.

Carla:
No. You didn't. Why don't you call me Carla. Go over to the car. We have something we want you to take care of for us.

Michael Westen:
A job?

Carla:
Don't call it a job. Call it a favor.

Michael Westen:
[Muffled Screaming] I assume it has to do with the guy you've got gift-wrapped and duct-taped.

Carla:
His name is Jimmy. He's someone else we asked for a favor. You see, he decided to skip town instead.

Michael Westen:
Oh. So this is your employee retention program.

Carla:
You could call it that. He needs to go back to Miami and do as he's told. You need to help him.

Michael Westen:
I do? And why's that?

Carla:
We have his wife and daughter. If you don't help, what happens to them? [Sirens Wailing] Oh, and one more thing. Jimmy called 911 when he saw our team. [Sirens Wailing] You probably wanna move along.

Michael Westen:
I do this, and then we meet.

Carla:
I keep my promises.

Michael Westen:
I'll see what I can do. [Michael kicks Jimmy. Jimmy sobs] Don't move.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Being a spy, you have to get comfortable with the idea of people doing bad things for good reasons; doing good things for bad reasons. You do the best you can.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Any employer is looking for the same things. Are you willing to go the extra mile? Can you take the initiative, impress them?

Jason Bly:
[gloating about his rental car upgrade] Man, I have to say, Miami's treated me pretty well.

Michael Westen:
That makes one of us.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] For anyone who works in covert ops, names have a special power. Knowing someone's real name, who they work for, you've got something on them. 'Out' a spy in the field, and you could get him killed. 'Out' a bureaucrat in a restaurant... and you'll just piss him off.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] The longer you run from the police, the more certain you are to get caught. There's a small window of time after a chase begins, before backup arrives, before helicopters are deployed. If you want any chance of getting away, you'd best use this time to find some place secluded... and bail out.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] In intelligence work, surveillance is called coverage. It's like basketball: you can run zone defense, or man to man. Man to man's risky. Follow someone too long, they're going to get suspicious. Zone is usually the way to go. Stay put, and let targets come to you; less obvious, easier on the feet, and you can catch up on your celebrity gossip.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Explaining the rules of covert ops is always a challenge. It's a world where good guys look like bad guys, and two wrongs do, in fact, make a right.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] As cover ID's go, I prefer rich businessman, or international playboy to crazy thief. But if the situation calls for it, you do what you have to do.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] The term "shock and awe" gets misused a lot these days. It's a popular name for a military tactic known as "rapid dominance". Whether you do it with a thousand pound bomb, or with a can of turpentine and a power drill, it's all about being spectacular. Kill the electronic brain of any late model car, and it's dead; won't start, windows won't open. Then, you can pretty much do whatever you want.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Piss off a criminal organization and you could end up dead... But, if they don't kill you, they've got plans for you.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] There's no substitute for improvisation. Even the best plans can't anticipate everything. You'd better be able to roll with the punches.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] They say you only get one chance to make a first impression with an employer. Doesn't matter if you're a store manager, or a strong-arm guy, you've got to put your best foot forward.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] In any new job there's always friction with your co-workers. They're wondering if the boss likes the new guy better, if he's going to make them look bad. In some jobs, that could get you a dark look in the break room; in other jobs, that could get you a bullet, in the back of the head.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Military fire bombs are typically white phosphorous or chlorine tri-fluoride. These are remarkable effective, but they're also unstable, lethally toxic, and hard to find at the grocery store. The main ingredient in a homemade firebomb, on the other hand, is Styrofoam. A military demolitions expert can put something together in a few hours; an IRA-trained guerilla can do it in twenty minutes, give or take.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] In any kind of covert, intelligence operation, it's important to be careful of what you wish for. The information that you fight so hard to get, may be everything you wished for, or it may just make your life more complicated.

Sam Axe:
Honey, just take it easy...

Veronica:
A C.I.A. agent came into my home!

Sam Axe:
Actually, he's C.S.S., it's a division of the National Security Agency...

Veronica:
He told me you were seeing that whore up in Bal Harbor!

Sam Axe:
I just went to get my clothes! It's over, Pumpkin. [He ducks as she throws a vase at his head]

[watching the gang in Little Havana]

Fiona Glenanne:
When are you going to get a real car? This thing's like a toy.

Sam Axe:
I am. Veronica was supposed to get me a Cadillac this weekend, until Mike's surveillance guy screwed everything up.

Fiona Glenanne:
[incredulous] A Cadillac? What could you possibly be doing to these women?

Sam Axe:
[smirking] Wouldn't you like to know?

[Sam keeps checking his cell phone]

Fiona Glenanne:
Did you send flowers?

Sam Axe:
Yes, I sent flowers! Why do you think I'm checking my phone?

Fiona Glenanne:
Well, what did the card say?

Sam Axe:
It said, "I'm sorry, please call me."

Fiona Glenanne:
She doesn't need to hear you're sorry! She needs to know who you are! She needs to know where she stands...!

[awkward silence]

Fiona Glenanne:
...I would imagine.

Sam Axe:
Jesse, hey. Could I get an invite?

Jesse Porter:
To what?

Sam Axe:
To the party in your head.

Michael Westen:
[to Jeff Taylor] I know you want to help. I know you love your brother. But if it's your word against Caleb, you will lose. And so will Billy.

Fiona Glenanne:
We're gonna have to set up an ambush.

Nate Westen:
Can't you pick the lock?

Fiona Glenanne:
Well, yeah, of course I can. But Rivera and his guys are gonna be here any minute. We'll never get the car out in time.

Nate Westen:
Fi, there's not a lot of things I can do better than my brother, but hot-wiring a car is one of them.

Hector Rivera:
For your sake, I hope you came here in a 1969 GTO.

Michael Westen:
I prefer Chargers, but I did find your car.

Hector Rivera:
I heard that once already today.

Michael Westen:
Not from me. When I open my mouth, I'm right.

[Michael hands Rivera a slip of paper]

Hector Rivera:
This is Caleb's address. You think this is funny?

Michael Westen:
Do I look like I'm laughing? Caleb stole your car and your heroin. Tried to pin it on the Taylors.

Hector Rivera:
You come here without my car, without my product, and you expect me to believe this story?

Michael Westen:
Yes, yes, and no.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There's nothing more frustrating for a spy than being on the sidelines for an important operation. When you've spent your career in the middle of the action, it's tough to take on a supporting role, particularly when you're stuck helping people pack.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] For a spy, it's often better to steal secrets than pay for them. It saves money and time and doesn't leave a messy paper trail. Of course, anyone who's in the business of selling secrets is also in the business of protecting them, which can make extracting information nearly impossible. Just because your target is willing to share a meal with you doesn't mean he won't put a bullet in the back of your head.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies don't do well with downtime. Their idea of R&R is "recon and rendition," so they don't exactly cherish days off... especially when it means playing chaperone to your kid brother.

Michael Westen:
Fi, I'm thinking I should talk to Tony Soto.

Nate Westen:
W-wait, what?

Michael Westen:
I did some business a while back with a guy who ran Miami's biggest auto-theft ring. He...

Nate Westen:
No, I know who Tony Soto is. I just- I didn't know that he was friends with my brother.

Michael Westen:
We're not exactly "friends".

Fiona Glenanne:
And Soto doesn't exactly know him as "Michael".

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Re-establishing an old cover I.D. isn't just a matter of changing your name. If you want access to the contacts that go with that cover, you have to re-create the past. The way you walk, talk, and look has to be consistent with what people remember down to the smallest detail: the direction you part your air, what gun you carry, your brand of sunglasses, even the pinky ring you wear.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] You don't always have to rely on trained operatives to gather intelligence. A problem that seems impossible - like finding a single motorcycle circling in a crowded city - becomes much easier if you can hire a hundred people to sit on street corners and record every motorcycle they see for a few dollars a day. Whether it's shop owners, cab drivers, or kids playing in the street, every city in the world has a network of potential spies just waiting to be recruited.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Sometimes the best way to get past security is to make it seem riskier to keep you out than it is to let you in.

Burly Goon:
Hey, what do you think you're doin', lady?

Fiona Glenanne:
I nicked this baby off Biscayne. Buckwild said to drop it here. I need to get it off the street before it turns into a pumpkin.

Burly Goon:
All right. Give me- give me a minute, all right?

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The average security guard won't risk angering someone important. At an illegal chop shop, the lady in the $90,000 stolen car is a V.I.P.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Intelligence gathering tends to involve a lot of number crunching. Analysts have computers specially programmed to turn raw data into useful information. But as with repairing a radio or dressing a wound, in the field, it's important to be able to do the same work with what you can find in a third-rate hotel room.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Any security-conscious person knows to protect their computer and shred their documents. They tend to forget, though, about the step between computer and hard copy. Most printers store documents in their memory. IIt's a convenient way for users to print another copy and a convenient way for spies to steal information.

Madeline Westen:
[narrative] Any run-of-the-mill car thief can hot-wire a standard vehicle, but dealing with a custom hot rod equipped with a kill switch requires special skills. Splicing the right wires together to create an electrical bypass takes a seasoned pro.

Madeline Westen:
Do you mind telling me why there's a gun in his pocket when you promised me...

Michael Westen:
Mom, I really don't have time for this. This job? His idea, not mine. And, by the way, you have two sons. I don't know why you're only worried about him.

Madeline Westen:
Stop whining. I worry about you both, Michael. But only one of you is about to be a father.

Michael Westen:
[startled, clangs tanks together] Nate and Ruth are having a baby?

Madeline Westen:
Why do you think he was so hot to fly across the country for a job finding stolen cars?

Michael Westen:
He should have told me. *You* should have told me!

Madeline Westen:
I promised him I wouldn't say anything. But now with... Look, Michael, I-I know you're never gonna go for the wife and kids and the house with a picket fence. But I think Nate wants a shot at normal. I'm not sure there even is such a thing, but if he's got a chance, I *don't* want him running around with a *gun*, chasing after *bad guys*!

Michael Westen:
[softly] I get it, Mom. I get it. If I could do this job without him, I would, but I can't.

Madeline Westen:
Could you at lest make sure nothing bad happens to him?

[Michael nods]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] If you're planning on doing heavy mechanic work in hostile territory, it's not enough to make sure you can't be seen; you also have to make sure you can't be heard, which means silencing your tools. It's hard to concentrate on getting the engine timing right if you're worried about getting shot. In the field, skill with a wrench is often just as important as skill with a gun. When time isn't on your side, you can't worry about passing a government inspection, but you have to do enough to make sure your point gets across.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Special-forces squads are built around the skills of the individual members. But no matter how good each member of the squad is, every mission comes down to one thing: how well they work together, because in the end, you don't need a hero to succeed in the field, you need a team.

Jesse Porter:
[in muted tones, while scrolling through the list] This thing has aliases, department designations, security clearances. Good Lord. Put this through the right system, you'd have the real name of every single person on that list in like 60 seconds.

Sam Axe:
You're whispering. You know that, right?

Jesse Porter:
[normal volume] I'm just saying, this is, without a doubt, *the* hottest potato I've ever seen with my own two eyes. People are gonna die if that thing gets out. Lives are gonna be ruined.

Sam Axe:
Which is why we need to make sure we hand this to the right people. You know what I'm thinking: Uncle Sam, Michael.

Jesse Porter:
Yeah, but who's the right people? I wouldn't know who the hell to trust with that thing.

Sam Axe:
Well, then that's our job: we find someone that we can trust, we give them this list, and we let them dismantle the whole damn network.

Fiona Glenanne:
Or we do the dismantling ourselves.

[Sam and Jesse look at each other]

Fiona Glenanne:
[to Michael] These people took away everything you ever wanted. We need to track them down one by one.

Sam Axe:
And do... what?

Fiona Glenanne:
You name it, they deserve it.

Sam Axe:
Mike, you want to weigh in? The people on that list burned you, so this is your call.

[Michael picks up the thumbdrive containing the list and turns it in his hand]

Sam Axe:
Mikey?

[pause]

Jesse Porter:
Mike, you with us, man?

[pause]

Fiona Glenanne:
Michael... what do you want to do?

Sam Axe:
Okay. Well, you're probably not going to love this: I'm trying to get a face-to-face with Simon. I've asked Vaughn to come to town to talk about it.

Michael Westen:
You know, I thought the weird feeling in the air was just the calm before the storm? No! It's a disturbance in the Force!

Michael Westen:
Listen, if I was looking to buy a modified Saiga-12K, who would I talk to?

Fiona Glenanne:
Oh, Michael, that's so thoughtful of you! And it's not my birthday for months...

Michael Westen:
[narrative] A trained operative can tell a lot about a bomb maker by the way they construct their device. A directional explosive wired to a pressure-senstitive trigger that's easy to activate, difficult to disarm, and only deadly to the person standing in front of it means you're probably dealing with an expert.

[while Michael has been advancing, carefully taking up slack keeping the trigger wire steady, the other door opens and in walks... ]

Michael Westen:
This is awkward.

Cole:
You recognize a claymore when you see one.

[... "Cole" / "Expert Killer" ]

Cole:
[smugly] I'd appreciate it if you'd toss me your gun. If you don't concentrate, holding that line just so, I won't get my security deposit back.

Jesse Porter:
Just-just go check the closets, drawers, you know? Under the bed?

Madeline Westen:
I raised two boys, Jesse. I *know* how to search a house.

[first lines]

Bus boy:
[moving table inside] Let's go, man. You got it?

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Classified data has been digitally encoded since before computers were invented. Spies have used book cyphers for centuries to send numeric correspondence that can only be read when paired with a proper text. Bibles make good code books because of the variance between printed editions and the numbering of chapter and verse.

Michael Westen:
You said that this was my investigation.

Vaughn Anderson:
It is, but I'm sorry. I'm not gonna put our biggest enemy in the same room as our most valued asset.

Michael Westen:
So you're going back on your word. But, but, but it's because you're looking out for me.

Vaughn Anderson:
Simon is dangerous.

Michael Westen:
[shouting] I risked my life! I got a man burned! And I've caught an *endless* *wave* of *grief* about it!

Michael Westen:
[normal tone] Now I'm losing my patience. I'm asking a simple favor, and before you say "No," you need to remember that I'm pretty dangerous, too.

Vaughn Anderson:
[gets up] This is me... saying "No."

Michael Westen:
Time to go.

[Michael walks to the door]

Vaughn Anderson:
You're taking this personally, Michael! You're not *thinking* straight!

[Michael unlatches and holds open the door]

Vaughn Anderson:
You're putting me out?

[Michael says nothing. Vaughn walks over, puts on his overcoat]

Vaughn Anderson:
A bigger storm's coming, Michael, and I'm gonna remember this.

[Vaughn steps out into the storm. Michael slams the door behind him]

Michael Westen:
In my experience, the types of people who hide in woodwork usually carry automatic weapons. Let's leave them there.

Madeline Westen:
Are you home, Michael? There are two FBI agents here to see you. They say they're your friends.

Michael Westen:
[walks into the house] Hi, "friends."

[ "Lane and Harris" / "Not Michael's Friends" ]

Agent Lane:
Hey, Westen, uh, sorry to drop in like this but...

Agent Harris:
We, uh, need your help with something, off the books?

Michael Westen:
Last time I asked for *your* help, you both laughed in my face.

Agent Harris:
Hey, hear us out, will you? A guy like you might need a favor from the FBI someday.

Michael Westen:
[pause] I'm listening.

Agent Lane:
[opens a file] You're looking at James Bailey. He rus a non-profit for marine preservation and he's a blood donor, supports public radio...

Michael Westen:
I get it. He's a good guy.

Agent Harris:
A really good guy. And he's wanted dead by a Turkish syndicate. He witnessed a murder they pulled and he's taking the stand next week.

Agent Lane:
Harris and I were prepping his testimony with him.

Michael Westen:
I'm guessing we're coming up to the part where you got shot in the arm?

Agent Lane:
Hitter for the Turks found the safehouse we were working in right before the storm hit, opened up on us with a modified Seiga-12K. Bailey took off like a bat out of hell. We don't know where he is.

Michael Westen:
Let's back up. You got ambushed by someone carrying a fully automatic shotgun and all you ended up with is a scratch on your arm?

Agent Lane:
Maybe the guys thought dropping two Feds was a dumb thing to do. Maybe he's a hitman with a heart of gold. You're missing the point.

Michael Westen:
Then stop bleeding all over my Mom's table and get to it.

Agent Harris:
Look, these Turks, they're into drugs, human smuggling, murder, you name it.

Agent Lane:
Bailey's testimony can cut the head off their organization and they know it. They want him dead.

Agent Harris:
The guy's spooked. He's in the wind and he's gonna try to stay that way. Now, we'd find him ourselves, but we're due back at HQ. We're looking at suspension, or worse.

Michael Westen:
How would you find him if you weren't busy getting suspended?

Agent Lane:
Lady pulling her patio furniture in saw Bailey steal a black Toyota pickup a few miles from the safehouse. That's the license plate number. Only lead we've got.

Michael Westen:
What about the gun? A black pickup isn't as rare as a modified Saiga-12K. You wanna find Bailey, you find the guy trying to kill him. Tracking the gun might put us on his trail...

Agent Harris:
Did... you say "us"?

Michael Westen:
I'll look into the gun, see if I can point you towards the hitter. And you *will* owe me. [ "Lane and Harris" / "The Clients" ]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Hitmen, like most career criminals, know the advantages of renting a cheap, furnished apartment: you can pay in cash, remain completely anonymous, and you can usually get free cable. The downside is, it doesn't include top-notch security, which can be a problem unless you make your own line of defense.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In the field, circumstances can change as fast as the weather. Salvaging a mission depends on your ability to change tactics and communicate Plan B to your own team... If you need your team to stand by a radio rather than come charging in, you'd better send a clear message.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Taking control of a situation isn't always about having the tactical advantage... If you can convince your enemy to want the very thing you need, it's as good as calling the shots yourself. And if what you need is a two-way radio, you'd better steer the conversation in that direction.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] If slipping your restraints is impossible, removing what you're tied to is the next best thing. Airbags deploy with enough force to shatter windshields, break your nose, or loosen the center bolt of a steering column. After that, removing the steering wheel just takes a little leverage.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] If you need to convince an enemy to work with you, it's a good idea to offer a token of friendship. But make sure they know it comes with a price.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Anyone who ever passed a note in class knows there can be serious consequences to sending messages in front of your enemies... When communication lines aren't secure and you don't want to tip that you're relaying sensitive information, you'd better disguise your message.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Parking garages are designed with tight corners to prevent traveling at high speeds, which is why if you're making an escape in a parking garage, you're better off on foot than in a heavy vehicle.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In the heat of battle, making your alliances known... can be a challenge... You have to make sure your actions speak louder than words.

Michael Westen:
Get in the kitchen, now!

Joanne:
Why?

Michael Westen:
Don't worry! I'm a friend!

[ "James and Joanne" / "In need of a friend" ]

Michael Westen:
[blocks the kitchen entrance with a refrigerator] Good.

Joanne:
What do you want?

James Bailey:
Who the hell are you?

[Cole kicks in the door]

Michael Westen:
I'm Michael Westen. I'm here to save you people.

Cole:
[fires three shots, all hitting the refrigerator, yells] Who the hell are you?

Michael Westen:
[rolls eyes] I'm Michael Weston! I'm here to *save* these people!

Michael Westen:
[narrative] You can't have an explosion without plenty of heat and pressure. Ruining an air conditioner by removing the safety sensor and pinching the cooling coil is a good way to generate both. Add some flammable household cleaner to the condensation pan and your AC unit will pump out fire instead of cold air.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] SWAT teams call hallways and alleys "fatal funnels". Anyplace that's narrow and offers no cover is the last place you wanna be when the bullets start flying.

[last lines]

Agent Harris:
Little early for a cocktail. Vaughn, right?

Vaughn Anderson:
Who's askin'?

Agent Lane:
Federal Bureau of Investigation. This is Agent Harris, I'm Agent Lane, and this...

[Agent Lane puts down an FBI Most Wanted poster with a blank spot, top center]

Agent Lane:
...could be you. Public Enemy Number One.

[Vaughn looks over his left shoulder. Michael Westen, sitting at another table, looks back. The Agents leave Vaughn and approach Michael]

Agent Harris:
We're even, Westen.

Michael Westen:
Not quite, but it's a start.

[the Agents leave. Vaughn approaches]

Michael Westen:
[to Vaughn] My very own guys in black suits. Pretty scary, huh?

Vaughn Anderson:
I could have them killed. You, too.

Michael Westen:
You pay Fiona another visit, you'll need to. So when do I get to talk to Simon?

Vaughn Anderson:
You want him, you got him. I'll set up a meetin' for ya. But know this: I was tryin' to protect you.

Michael Westen:
Right, because you're my "buddy".

Vaughn Anderson:
Understand somethin', Michael: you can't dig inside Simon's head without letting him into yours, and I'm not sure you're ready for that.

Michael Westen:
I guess we'll find out.

Max:
Glad you made it. I was beginning to wish I'd brought a magazine.

Michael Westen:
There was a guard change at the front entrance. Isn't knowing that supposed to be *your* job as senior field officer?

[ "Max" / "CIA officer" ]

Max:
Handling that, kind of your job as operative extraordinaire?

Michael Westen:
Oh, but that's not my title. Until my burn notice is officially lifted, I'm just a "civilian intelligence asset."

[ "Michael" / "CIA asset" ]

Max:
Just sayin', the way the boss talks about ya, I'd think handling a few government security guards would be a piece of cake. I think he's got a crush on you.

Raines:
[over comms] I can hear you guys, you know. Your mics are live.

[ "Raines" / "The boss" ]

Max:
Just bustin' your chops, boss: I'm here with your favorite toy; I get jealous sometimes.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] One of the things you give up in intelligence is control over your own schedule. It's a little like being a doctor on call, only your emergencies tend to be thousands of miles away.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In the world of intelligence, taking down an entire covert network is the ultimate challenge. It's not something you can do alone.

Michael Westen:
[black-and-white flashback] You.

Raines:
[black-and-white flashback] Welcome back.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] You need the resources of an entire intelligence agency behind you. You need solid intelligence that can point you in the right direction

Michael Westen:
[v.o. flashback] That list is the key to destroying the people who burned me.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] But that's just the starting point. You're not after an individual person; you're after dozens of people, all of them hiding, all of them with resources and skills, all of them fighting you by any means necessary. It's a gigantic jigsaw puzzle of information that requires months of research and analysis where one target leads to the next: a courier picked off the suburban street leads to a spy hiding out as a diplomat in a foreign embassy leads to a hardened group of armed assassins in another place entirely. Sometimes it's a surgical operation done with discrete teams that no one ever hears about; other times, it's all-out war; but one thing is always the same: with each piece of the puzzle, you find you understand your enemy more clearly, you penetrate the secrecy that shields people behind the scenes, working your way to the top of the network to the people pulling the strings. You keep fighting, trying to put that last piece of the puzzle in place, trying to find that last person who will give you the answers you're looking for.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] R.F.I.D. security is easy to get around with a device known in the trade as a "gecko" - complicated electronics, but a simple principle: any key can be copied, even a digital one.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] One of the most dangerous times for a spy is right after a job: your guard is down, which makes it a good time for attack by your enemies. Or, in some cases... your friends.

Michael Westen:
Fiona. Uh, Fiona. Fiona, don't you think we'd be more comfortable on the bed?

Fiona Glenanne:
[between kissing and stripping Michael] What makes you think... that I care... if you're comfortable?

Fiona Glenanne:
My point is, we fought the people who burned you for a long time, Michael. Now they're on the run, the CIA, hunting the bastards down, and we're just out.

Michael Westen:
[softly] I wish I could tell you, Fi. I really do.

Fiona Glenanne:
It's been six months now. Mysterious trips around the world... with Max. It just doesn't seem fair that he should get to have all the fun.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The biggest obstacle you can face in an interrogation is yourself: when your own feelings, your own anger, your own desire for revenge are all that stand between you and the information you want. The stronger your feelings are, the hotter your hate burns, the more important it is to set it aside.

Michael Westen:
You know why they sent me in here?

Hector Oaks:
Yeah. Got a pretty good idea.

Michael Westen:
They dismantled the main camera, but... they usually have an extra one around here. Let's have a look.

[Michael taps around the wall, opens the A.C. control panel, pulls out a fiber-optic camera and snaps it off]

Michael Westen:
There we go. Now we can have some real privacy.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Intelligence agencies choose their foreign command centers with a few things in mind: you want a place that's near main roads, but not on them; it's best if the owner is on the payroll or is controllable in some other way; you want power for the computers, air conditioning for the meetings, and a generous late-checkout policy in case an operation goes wrong.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you're working under a cover I.D. overseas, it's all about the little things. The farther you are from home, the higher the stakes. That's why you study. You have to know every visa on your passport, every detail on every document, the entire history of the person you're claiming to be. It's true whether you're pretending to be a Russian spy on a foreign recruitment mission or a clueless American tourist with a bad rental car.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you're recruiting an asset from a hostile country, you pose as a citizen of one of your target's allies... Someone who would never help the United States, for example... might be perfectly happy to help a Russian.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] It's always a tense time right after you've made a pitch to recruit an asset on foreign soil: if they accept, you're in business; if they decline, you're in jail, which is why it's a good idea to have backup.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Magicians and mind readers often use a technique known as "shotgunning"... in which you determine what your target is thinking by throwing a bunch of information at them and reading their reactions... It's effective for spies as well, but it's considerably harder to do with a gun pointed at you.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The challenge of a good, large-scale field operation is to keep all parts coordinated while keeping them as separate as possible: field units are separate from transportation units, with the command unit separate from both. When things go right, they all work together as one big team... The problem with remote command centers is what happens when things go wrong:... anyone stuck in the command center is too far away to do anything about it.

[in an improvised firefight in an enemy compound]

Max:
Is this seriously how you do things?

Michael Westen:
When I have to!

Max:
How are you still alive?

Michael Westen:
That's a good question! I eat a lot of yogurt!

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The most vulnerable system in any reinforced structure is typically ventilation. Holes that let in air can also let in other things, like the explosive cores of concussion grenades for example. They're a high-quality explosive and quite effective. Of course, you have to get them in place without blowing your hands off.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] As a spy, your job is intelligence... Whether you're after national-security secrets or operational information about the people who destroyed your life, the job is the same... There's no greater satisfaction than that moment when you finally get the answers you're looking for... and nothing is harder to take than having those answers forever taken away.

Michael Westen:
[shaking Kessler's suicided body] That's it? All this way? After all these years? That's it? *That's it*?

Michael Westen:
[narrative] A well-trained police force knows that first priority when arriving at a scene is to establish a perimeter and lock down the area. You let them do that and, chances are, you're not getting out... That's why it's important to make sure that they have a higher priority, like dealing with a more urgent threat. If you've got enough ammunition and a good oscillating fan, you can keep them busy dealing with your gun while you're busy getting away.

Michael Westen:
So this is how it ends: a body on the ground.

Max:
Yeah, but he put a bullet in his own head and not yours.

Sam Axe:
Hey, I'll drink to that! Mike, you won! The people that burned you - the whole damn network - it's done! To new beginnings!

[Sam, Max, and Fi cross beer-bottle necks together. Fi and Sam looks over to Michael]

Sam Axe:
Mike, uh, you're... kinda leaving us hanging here.

[Michael snaps out of his trance and crosses his bottle with the rest and they drink]

[last lines]

Michael Westen:
I had a chance to finally get some answers, make sense out of the last four years, and that chance ended up in a body bag.

Madeline Westen:
You know, all those years I lived with your father, I used to think through millions of ways that I could confront him; everything that I wanted to say. And all of a sudden, he drops dead. That's it. You know, people talk about "closure", but I don't buy it. Somebody blasts a hole in your life, it tends to stay open.

Michael Westen:
It does, doesn't it.

Madeline Westen:
[chuckles] So, what do you do now?

Michael Westen:
Now? Things go back to normal, I guess.

Madeline Westen:
"Normal"?

Madeline Westen:
[laughing] What exactly is "normal"?

Michael Westen:
[smiles] I have no idea.

Madeline Westen:
Here's an idea: why don't you fix the Charger?

Michael Westen:
This? Oh no. No, no. This is *beyond* saving.

Madeline Westen:
*Nothing* is beyond saving if you work at it. Nothing. Besides, then I could have my garage back. Want anything?

[Michael shakes his head no. Madeline leaves. Michael lifts a corner of the tarp covering the Charger, then whips it off quickly like an adhesive bandage]

Sam Axe:
Hey, come on back. I've got a surprise for ya.

[Michael follows Sam out of the house. Michael's face is the edge of a beautifully executed cross-wipe transition from the kitchen to the garage]

Sam Axe:
Okay, Mikey, three guesses what it is.

Michael Westen:
Is it- is it my car?

Sam Axe:
Ah. Give the man a prize. Now, the, uh, roof looks kind of like a tin can mauled by a grizzly bear, but the power train and the engine are still ticking, so I think it's salvageable.

Michael Westen:
Sam...

Jesse Porter:
[walks in] Mikey.

Michael Westen:
Jesse?

Jesse Porter:
Nothing says "Welcome home" like 4,000 pounds of mangled steel, right? I wanted to take the tarp off. Sam wanted to let you do it yourself. You know, more of a dramatic unveiling.

Michael Westen:
What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in CIFA in D.C.?

Jesse Porter:
[to Sam] I thought you told him. You didn't tell him? I thought you told him.

Sam Axe:
I didn't have time! I just saw him!

Michael Westen:
I was, but now I'm, um... now I'm not. I quit.

Michael Westen:
[incredulous] You quit?

Jesse Porter:
I quit. You know what it is? After everything I went through with you guys, helpin' all those people, I just- I can't do the government thing anymore, man. It's too much red tape. I just- it's harder than you think, going back. You'll see.

Sam Axe:
He's got a fancy job with a private security firm down here. Big money.

Jesse Porter:
Well, the money's all right. It's not bad. Actually helped me get this bad boy out of impound, so...

Michael Westen:
Uh... thanks.

Jesse Porter:
[pause] Sam said the car had some sentimental value, said it belonged to your dad.

[Mike and Sam exchange looks of "You shared that?" and "What?"]

Jesse Porter:
Um, please tell me that you *want* the car, 'cause it was actually a huge pain in my ass to get it here.

Michael Westen:
This... is great.

Jesse Porter:
Things are heating up at work, so don't expect any more favors. Enjoy this one.

Sam Axe:
Well, aren't you gonna unwrap it?

[Mike's cellphone rings]

Madeline Westen:
[about Nate] Do you know what his first word was? It was "Michael."

Michael Westen:
It was "juice." I was there. His first word was "juice."

Madeline Westen:
Well he was looking right at you when he said it. You know what he meant.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Stun guns are a great way to bring down a larger opponent. The only problem is, if you use one on someone who is touching you, you'll zap yourself too.

Sam Axe:
[after she shocks herself with a stun gun] Feeling better, Fi?

Fiona Glenanne:
Everyone could use a few thousand volts from time to time. It clears the mind.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Jobs in agriculture are a convenient cover; makes it easy to explain your presence in the field and the boardroom; the only downside is, you might have to become an expert on chickpeas.

Sam Axe:
What can I say, Mike? The guy ate like it was his last meal. And the liquor, I mean I've had gun shot wounds hurt less than this hangover.

Michael Westen:
Nate, you told her about Romanov's? It's called "need to know" for a reason.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] It's unfortunate, but true, that no makeup can simulate blood and bruises well enough to stand up to close observation. So if your cover requires looking like you've been beaten...

[Fionna punches Michael]

Michael Westen:
...you have to get beaten.

[Michael groans in pain]

Michael Westen:
Yeah. Yeah.

[Fionna punches Michael again]

Michael Westen:
Ow!

[Michael groans in pain again, and then gets punched by Nate]

Michael Westen:
Nate!

Nate Westen:
What? Just trying to be a team player.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] Get your hands on any classified document worth having, chances are it's going to be redacted, which makes reading it a lot like watching a movie on an airplane. All the juicy parts are missing, but you still get the basic idea.

Jesse Porter:
[Fiona puts her purse over abductee's head] What the hell is that?

Fiona Glenanne:
What? My good head bag is at the cleaners.

Sam Axe:
Mike, try and stay in my line of sight, will ya? Every time we do this, you act like I can shoot around corners.

Marv:
I checked out as much of your story as I could without raising any flags. Most of it's legit. Well, given the questionable nature of your activities, I don't know whether *that's* the right word. The thing is...

Michael Westen:
What's the thing, Marv? I've told you everything I know about the people who burned me.

Marv:
The thing is, there are other issues, other people. Sam Axe, for instance.

Michael Westen:
He's a friend. Former Navy SEAL.

Marv:
A washout. Don't even get me started on Fiona Glenanne. What do they know? Huh? Who have they told? How far does this thing go?

Michael Westen:
It goes no further than us. Sam, Fi, Jesse, and me. That's it.

Marv:
Are you willing to bet your life on that? Because if you're wrong...

Michael Westen:
Nobody else knows. Marv, if you're going to help me and Jesse, help us. If you're not going to, then don't. But I can't sit on this list forever.

Marv:
All right, I'll let you know the time and the place. You and Jesse bring the list. I'll do what I can.

Michael Westen:
[sighs] Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more "questionable activities" to attend to.

Madeline Westen:
I know Michael's leaving. Jesse told me.

Fiona Glenanne:
Madeline...

Madeline Westen:
If he wants to go back to his old job, I don't have a problem with that. But goodbyes are not Michael's strong suit. Remember his last little trip away? Poof! Gone. Ten years. Just a hole in my life. And the first three months, I didn't know if he was dead or alive. Three months! That's how Michael says goodbye.

Fiona Glenanne:
His ticket back in isn't a sure thing. That's probably why he didn't say anything.

Madeline Westen:
You're defending him? He's done the same thing to you, sweetheart.

Fiona Glenanne:
Oh, he's done much worse. Believe me. And if he leaves like that again, you won't have to be wondering whether he's dead or alive because I will kill him.

Fiona Glenanne:
[closed caption: "But that's a problem for another day. For now, we've got a dirty cop to catch."] We can do it together. Now, we gotta help with Sam's dirty cop.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Anyone who has battled big-city traffic knows a traffic jam is just about the easiest thing in the world to create. Any number of fluids poured on a hot engine can create enough smoke to turn a major freeway into a parking lot. If you're looking to grab someone stuck in that traffic jam, you need a choke point - a place where road conditions restrict visibility.

Pete Jackman:
[yelling at traffic] Come on! Move it up there!

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Your target is likely to be distracted, unarmed, and sitting in your potential getaway vehicle.

Pete Jackman:
You- you're...

Michael Westen:
Not dead. We're goin' for a little ride. Pull a U-ey and gun it, or I will.

[last lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] It's standard protocol for a Homeland Security officer escorting classified materials to be armed. Less standard for their arms to have silencers.

Michael Westen:
Marv, who are these guys?

Marv:
Jesse, I'm sorry. They threatened me. The - they said theat they would kill my wife.

Jesse Porter:
Marv, what the hell are you talking about? What's going on?

[security agent pulls gun, shoots Marv through the back twice]

Security agent:
Back off! Hands in the air!

Michael Westen:
[arms apart, shielding Michael] No! No!

[holding their guns on Michael and Jesse, the security guys get back into their vehicle]

Jesse Porter:
I'm not letting them get away.

Michael Westen:
[as Jesse runs for their car] Jesse, wait!

[a man shoots two silenced rounds into Jesse's car's tire, flattening it. At it passes, Michael sees into the back of the other vehicle and recognizes:
"Tyler Brennen" / "Part-time spy" - "Full-time sociopath" ]

Michael Westen:
Brennen.

Jesse Porter:
Wait you know this guy? Who the hell is he?

Michael Westen:
Our worst nightmare.

[ "To be continued" ]

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Covert intelligence, at the most basic level, is a type of weapon. Like any weapon, it can be used for good or evil, to make war or peace, to serve justice or power. It comes down to one thing: what you decide to do with it.

Marv:
Since I've known you, you've lured me to Miami, you blackmailed me, forced me to lie to the U.S. government. Not exactly a foundation of trust.

["Marv" / "Jesse's old handler"]

Michael Westen:
Maybe it's time to build one.

Marv:
Oh, please. I've seen your file. When there's that much smoke, there's usually a flame or two.

Michael Westen:
That file is a lie. I didn't do those things.

Marv:
Ah, maybe you did, maybe you didn't. But we both know that you're never gonna get back in unless you've got a heaping pile of new evidence. And here you are with a shovel.

Michael Westen:
You think I'm lying about this list?

Marv:
I think I can't take the chance. Look, I'll vouch for you on this thing, OK? I'll hand you off to my superiors. You're gonna have to go on the record about the people who burned you, and I'm talking about every contact you've made with them.

Michael Westen:
That would be very dangerous, Marv - for me, for you. If the people who burned me found out we're talking...

Marv:
This isn't negotiable. I'm not gonna be your errand boy unless I can strap you to a polygraph, get all my questions answered.

Michael Westen:
You want to put *me* on the box?

Marv:
Twenty-seven years in counterintelligence, you think that I can't spot somebody's who's trying to beat a polygraph? Look, I'll verify and source all you got - the whole nine yards. But if you're not willing to do this...

Michael Westen:
You want to do this now? Or you want to finish your mojito?

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In the world of deception spies inhabit, the truth takes on a peculiar power. The truth - the verifiable, unvarnished truth - becomes the ultimate barganing chip

Marv:
[to Michael strapped to a polygraph] State your name and occupation for the record.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The irony is that the only time you can afford to play that chip is when everything is on the line. And you only get to play it once.

Michael Westen:
My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy.

[Sam sets a big file on Michael's table]

Michael Westen:
Sam, this isn't a case, is it?

Sam Axe:
Ah, no, this is just some stuff Jesse had and my logs from when I used to watch you for the feds. Figured it might jog your memory about your first contact with your burn pals.

Michael Westen:
You had a daily yogurt tally?

Sam Axe:
Ah, what can I say? I'm thorough.

Sam Axe:
[about Marv] Yeah, well, tell him to pick up the pace a little, okay? 'Cause that NOC list is like a hot potato, Mike. And you know the rules about the hot potato. You pass it along to the next guy without delay - quickly, pronto, chop-chop.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies use different interrogation techniques than police. Cops tend to do their questioning in bright, fluorescent-lit rooms and they're legally required to let the bad guys know who they are before they start asking questions. Spies, on the other hand, often start interrogations in darkness in completely unfamiliar locations. And the less the bad guy knows, the better.

Ted Seyers:
Yeah, well, you don't scare me.

Sam Axe:
Well, we don't have to. But, now, the weather in Miami? Hoo, that's scary. 'Cause, you know, about the middle of the afternoon, it's gonna be about 140 degrees in here, and I'm no doctor, but without water, boy...

[Sam drinks deeply from a water bottle]

Sam Axe:
...you're not gonna last long. So you either tell me where my friend is, or find out what it's like to be a casserole.

Michael Westen:
Sam, you really wanna go down that road?

Sam Axe:
Damn right, I do.

Michael Westen:
We'd be pitting ourselves against a police officer, and it won't bring your friend back.

Sam Axe:
No. But it will clear Kevin's name. And that's all his family has, Mike, is his name.

Michael Westen:
Go tell Kevin's wife. Let's see what we can do.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] You can work in the field your entire life, but telling people their loved ones are dead never gets easier. There's no training that makes it better, no technique that makes it smoother. You just get through it however you can. In the end, all you can really do with that kind of pain is decide what you're going to do to make it right.

Bar waitress:
Mojito?

Sam Axe:
Oh, no thanks. I'm good with water.

Ted Seyers:
Well, what's in it for me?

Jesse Porter:
Wow. What's in it for you? You get to spend a little time in prison.

Sam Axe:
Instead of spending the rest of your life right here. You know, for whatever it's worth...

[Sam opens a knife]

Sam Axe:
...it would be a shorter sentence.

Michael Westen:
You want me to have the choice, but you want me to *choose* to turn it down? Either way, don't we end up at the same place?

Fiona Glenanne:
Michael, I hope you're never in a situation where your survival depends on your ability to understand relationships. You'll be dead in seconds.

Sam Axe:
You in the mood for cookin', Mike? 'Cause we're gonna make some napalm.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Napalm, or gelled fuel, is best known for its use in bombs, but it's essentially just gasoline that has been chemically altered to make it sticky and easier to control. It can be used in explosive devices, but it can also be used in any situation where you need to control the shape and size of a flame, which makes it very useful in forest-fire work, building demolition, and any situation where you want to scare the hell out of someone.

Sam Axe:
[over phone] Well, looks like he bought it. You guys ready to bring the heat?

Fiona Glenanne:
Yeah, I'm just picking up some cop shoes. I figured Madeline would have something suitable.

Fiona Glenanne:
She's good. How she holds it together talking to that bastard... I have no idea.

Jesse Porter:
Well, she wants justice. It's a powerful motivator.

Fiona Glenanne:
You think that's what it is? Or revenge?

Jesse Porter:
Hey, justice and revenge: that's... chocolate and peanut butter as far as I'm concerned.

Fiona Glenanne:
You're making me hungry. Let's do this.

Michael Westen:
How do you want it? Head or chest?

Pete Jackman:
No, no, no, no.

Michael Westen:
Ooh, nice upholstery. How about the dumpster, huh?

Pete Jackman:
No, please, wait-wait!

Michael Westen:
Is the dumpster okay?

Pete Jackman:
Don't kill me, please!

Michael Westen:
Final resting place? Is that okay?

Pete Jackman:
I can explain!

Michael Westen:
Explain? Explain?

Pete Jackman:
I can explain.

Michael Westen:
[shoves Pete against dumpster] I'm not sure there's much to explain! We had a deal and instead of honoring that deal, you tried to blow me up on a boat! I think the circle of trust is broken, Pete.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] A career in law enforcement tends to make for a cynical outlook on life. Where spies spend their careers telling lies, cops spend their careers listening to them.

Lieutenant Briggs:
So let me get this straight: you want me to reopen the case of a dirty officer so you can clear his name by implicating his partner...

Sam Axe:
Look, if you just follow me to Kevin's house right now, II can prove it. You got to believe me.

Lieutenant Briggs:
No I don't. You have no idea what you're accusing this department of.

Sam Axe:
You listen, Briggs...

Lieutenant Briggs:
It's "Lieutenenant Briggs." You're addressing a commanding officer.

Sam Axe:
Fine. You want ot earn your stripes? Help me take Jackman down.

Lieutenant Briggs:
This is insane. Get the hell out of my way.

[Sam shoves Briggs against his car and grabs his gun from his holster]

Lieutenant Briggs:
This is assault!

Sam Axe:
[holding Lt. Briggs's gun on him] It's about to be a lot worse than that. Now you listen to me, Lieutenant. For the sake of a man who was my friend and your brother on the force, do not make me ask you again.

Lieutenant Briggs:
I'll have you crucified for this.

Sam Axe:
When this is done, you feel the need to crucify me, I will climb up on that cross myself.

Sam Axe:
Sort it out in prison, you son of a b*tch!

[Sam punches out Ted Sayers, then turns around with his hands behind his back to Lieutenant Briggs]

Sam Axe:
You want to cuff me, go ahead.

Lieutenant Briggs:
[sighs] Maybe later. Now, how about you help me drag his sorry ass out to the car?

Michael Westen:
I owe you a drink, Sam.

Sam Axe:
Yeah, I could sure use it, brother.

Larry Sizemore:
Do you have any idea what they serve you in an Albanian prison?

Michael Westen:
I don't know... yogurt?

Sam Axe:
[someone is trying to kill Sam's friend Beatriz] Mike, uh, this may sound crazy, but we know a shrink whose job it is to profile and identity agents like this.

Michael Westen:
You want to bring *Anson* in on this?

Sam Axe:
We got to find this guy before he takes another shot. Anson's our best bet at IDing him.

Michael Westen:
Anson's killed at least four people since we met him. Are you sure you want to ask *him* for help?

Sam Axe:
Mike, I don't like this either, but the kid means a lot to me, okay? She saved my life more than once when I was down in Colombia. So if she comes to me for help, I'm damn well gonna do it.

Anson Fullerton:
You want me to help you find a Russian spy? Michael, I think you're confused about the nature of our relationship. You work for me.

Michael Westen:
And I've done what you've asked. Now I'm asking for something in return.

Anson Fullerton:
What you get in return is your girlfriend's freedom. Now don't call me again until you have my money.

Michael Westen:
Before you go, I want you to think about something. You've seen my psych profile.

Anson Fullerton:
I helped write your psych profile.

Michael Westen:
Good. Then you know that if my friends are in danger - real danger - I will help them, whatever the risks.

Anson Fullerton:
What's the point?

Michael Westen:
My point is I'm no good to you dead or in jail. So you help me, and it's a lot more likely I will stay healthy, free, and useful to you.

FBI Agent Callahan:
So, were you, um, were you planning a trip?

Madeline Westen:
Oh, no, no, I'm just... going out of town for awhile, you know.

FBI Agent Callahan:
No. No, I-I don't know. Is the answer, no, you weren't planning a trip; or yes, you're getting out of town?

Madeline Westen:
I'm going on a *day* trip.

FBI Agent Callahan:
And do you usually bring a pump-action shotgun with you on a "day trip"?

Madeline Westen:
Can't be too careful these days.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] Work in intelligence long enough and you hang on to phone numbers. No matter who your enemy is, there's a chance you'll need him tomorrow. Churchill and Stalin weren't chummy in 1941. But once the Nazis marched on Moscow, they got past their differences.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] Spies are in the lawbreaking business. Call it espionage, covert ops, whatever you like. When you get right down to it, you're a criminal working for a good cause. When your job involves daily lawbreaking, chances are you're going to find yourself on the wrong end of a manhunt at some point.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] Commuter parking lots are great for fugitives. You can get some sleep while your pursuers lose momentum to exhaustion and shift changes. It's also one-stop shopping for a new phone or dry clothes.

[first lines]

[Gilroy has just died by explosion in his SUV. Michael wakes up nearby to the vehicle mostly burned out but still on fire and calls Sam]

Sam Axe:
[answers with] Mike, what the hell is going on over there?

Michael Westen:
[hoarse] Sam, Gilroy's dead. You know that prisoner he was helping escape?

Sam Axe:
Don't tell me.

Michael Westen:
He's out, Sam. He's free.

Sam Axe:
The whole reason we were getting involved here, Mike, was so he *didn't*.

Michael Westen:
[loudly] No need to remind me!

[pause]

Michael Westen:
His name's Simon. That's all I know.

[sirens]

Michael Westen:
Right now I just need to get clear of the cops.

Sam Axe:
Mike, it's not just the cops. The FBI is involved now. Homeland Security's on alert. Pretty soon its gonna be the IRS, the Forest Service, and the Food and Drug Administration are gonna be lookin' for ya!

Michael Westen:
I'm heading through to Canal Street. I'll do my best to stay clear. See if you can do a little recon for me.

Sam Axe:
You got it, brother.

Sam Axe:
[to himself] Holy crap holy.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] It's hard to get used to the idea that doing the right thing can mean being public enemy number one.

FBI Agent Callahan:
Stop right now! Put your hands on your head! Now!

[Agent opens fire as Michael hotwires a jet ski]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The good news is, you're usually too busy trying to survive to get upset.

[Michael adjusts his aim to return fire on Agent's vehicle and rides off]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The best thing is to get away, deal with the situation, and hope people are in a forgiving mood.

[Agent fires again, but Michael swerves, gets out of range and away]

Michael Westen:
[calls on a stolen phone] Sam, it's me.

Sam Axe:
You've reached Sam Axe's Fugitive Assistance Service, Sam speaking. How was your night?

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies love places people tend to avoid: sewage plants, toxic dumps, condemned motels. All places you can put emergency supplies and not worry about whether they'll be there when you need them.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] A good operative doesn't believe in coincidences. It's true, of course, that food stands catch fire from time to time. It's even possible that one might catch fire at the same time you happen to be looking for a violent fugitive... but it's sure not likely.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] As a spy, you want to work with people with clear alliances. The biggest monster in the world becomes quite predictable on a government payroll. Your worst nightmare is a lone crazy person.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When entering a possible combat situation, you want the element of surprise on your side. It's why Special Forces like to rappel down from helicopters. Of course, if you don't have a helicopter, you may have to improvise.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When a trained team is advancing on your position, sneaking away is usually impossible. Your best bet is to give them something else to worry about.

[Michael triggers a small C4 bomb by remote]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Liquid nitrogen isn't available at the corner store, but it is a standard part of a bomb maker's workshop. It's also useful for defusing explosives. On a well-made bomb, you can forget about cutting wires: any decent bomb maker will make sure the important wires are impossible to reach... Freeze the detonator though, and you can usually remove it safely. Of course, "usually" is not a word you want to hear when you're working with explosives.

FBI Agent Callahan:
We just got some more news. There was an explosion in a hotel in Miami Beach.

Madeline Westen:
[incredulously as if to a fool] And you think Michael did that?

FBI Agent Callahan:
You're damn right I think it was Michael.

Madeline Westen:
*Why* would he want to do that?

FBI Agent Callahan:
You tell *me* why your son would want to blow up a hotel.

Madeline Westen:
He would never *do* that!

FBI Agent Callahan:
What, "He would never do that?" He did! Look at the file! You saw it already! Everything's there! It's documented!

Madeline Westen:
And these are all *lies*!

FBI Agent Callahan:
I saw it with my own eyes! I saw your son attack a police officer, Mrs. Westen! He nearly killed the man! You son shot at me! He tried to kill *me*! You live in fantasy world, lady! You have *no idea* who your son really *is*!

Madeline Westen:
[calmly] I know this: if Michael wanted to kill you, you'd be dead.

Madeline Westen:
[shouting] I know *exactly* who my son is! Now *back off*!

FBI Agent Callahan:
Last chance, Mrs. Westen. Do you really want to pay for your son's mistakes?

Madeline Westen:
[softly] He paid for mine.

FBI Agent Callahan:
You are under arrest. All right? Get up, put your hands behind your back. Up! Now!

Michael Westen:
[narrative] To be a spy, you need physical fitness, a facility with languages, a tolerance for exotic foods and the bugs that come with them, but ultimately, there's no greater qualification than the ability to look someone who ruined your life in the eye and say, "Let's work together."

Michael Westen:
Right on time.

Management:
When it comes to Simon, I don't take chances. Where is he?

Michael Westen:
I assume he's planning on grabbing you down on the street.

Management:
About that, let's be clear about one thing before this begins: I might look like a nice old man but I assure you, Michael, I'm not.

Michael Westen:
I'll remember that. Do you have your guys in place?

Management:
Down on the street by the office. They've identified Simon's team.

[Michael reacts and steps in front of Management]

Management:
They'll grab Simon as soon as he shows his face.

Michael Westen:
"Simon's team"? Already?

Management:
Locals, apparently. They'll be eliminated as soon as the extraction starts.

Michael Westen:
[this isn't right] Simon paid ten million dollars to break out of prison; he hired an amateur team.

Management:
Whatever tricks Simon has planned down there, we have more than enough firepower to take care of it.

Michael Westen:
[Down there? He looks up] How many helipads in the area?

Management:
[glancing back] Helipads? Just the one.

Michael Westen:
[alarmed] Just the one? He knew where you were going to land!

[Management looks up again. The helicopter explodes]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There's no trick to getting down off a building quickly; gravity will take care of that for you. The challenge is getting down without breaking your neck.

[last lines]

[Madeline is sitting in an FBI interrogation room. Callahan enters]

Madeline Westen:
I've been sitting here for hours.

FBI Agent Callahan:
Yes, you have.

Madeline Westen:
Are you going to charge me with something?

FBI Agent Callahan:
Me? No. I'm off the case.

Madeline Westen:
What are you talking about?

FBI Agent Callahan:
I'm off the case.

Madeline Westen:
Where's my son?

FBI Agent Callahan:
Honestly, I've no idea. Know, we had him in custody for about 20 minutes, and then he was taken away.

Madeline Westen:
[gets up] He was here? You had him here?

FBI Agent Callahan:
That's right. And God only knows what hole he's in now.

[Fade to black, to a man in shackles and a black hood taken in the rain into a quadruple security-gated facility under armed guard, then fade back to the FBI]

Madeline Westen:
What's that supposed to mean? He just disappeared?

FBI Agent Callahan:
Pretty much. I mean, before, I could have gone through official channels, but once someone is removed from our custody, there is nothing I can do. And that is *your* choice.

Madeline Westen:
You had him and you let somebody *take him*!

Madeline Westen:
[slaps him, twice, and grabs him by the tie] You did! You let somebody take him!

FBI Agent Callahan:
[gets her against a wall] You hit me all you want, it won't change a thing! He is gone!

[Fade out and back to the unknown facility. The hooded man, shackled and chained, is marched down a hall and around a corner by two guards. Fade out and back to FBI as Callahan opens door]

FBI Agent Callahan:
[holding door open, gestures] You can go.

Madeline Westen:
[softly] How do I find my son?

FBI Agent Callahan:
I've no idea.

[Callahan exits. Fade back to prisoner who is stopped, uncuffed, and unshackled. Finally, his hood is removed. It's Michael Westen. The guards exit. After a moment, he opens his eyes and, moving only his eyes, takes in his surroundings. He's seated in a comfortably furnished drawing room]

Michael Westen:
[narration] When you're being hunted, paranoia is inevitable. if you don't know what to do with it, it turns into cold, directionless fear. With the right training, it turns into hyper-awareness of your surroundings. Not always pleasant, but a lot more useful.

Michael Westen:
[narration] Securing a room isn't about walls. A determined captive can kick through plasterboard, but he can't bite through steel bars, or pry out screws with his fingers. Though it might be fun to watch him try...

[Sam questions an imprisoned enforcer in a medical scam]

Michael Westen:
[narration] There's a saying in interrogation: "Violence perceived is violence achieved." You don't want someone screaming, you want him asking questions - asking, "What is he doing with that knife?"

Sam Axe:
[cuts his own thumb] Oh, wow!

Michael Westen:
[narration] Asking, "If he'll do that to himself, what will he do to me?"

[Sam Axe drips blood from his thumb onto the man's face as he squirms in terror]

Michael Westen:
[narration] Mostly you want him asking, "How do I make this stop?"

Michael Westen:
[narration] Nearly getting killed shakes you up, no matter how much experience you have. Brushes with death are like snowflakes. Each one is unique, and icy cold.

Michael Westen:
[narration] The "Who talks first?" interrogation technique originally involved taking two blindfolded prisoners up in a helicopter and tossing one out to get the other to talk.

[Sam shoots holes in the windows in front of two blindfolded men tied to chairs]

Michael Westen:
[narration] When a helicopter's not available, any tall building will do.

Fiona Glenanne:
[playing with plastic army men with wide-eyed boy] Hmm, my guy has an M2 Browning 50 caliber. It's a belt-fed weapon, so it's big and hard to hide, but it's got good range though. So I think he would shoot from up here.

Fiona Glenanne:
Let me see your guy. Okay, your guy has a Mark 2 Pineapple Fragmentation grenade. Short range. So he needs a really, really good hiding place. [looking all around]

Fiona Glenanne:
In the flower pot. Let's see if we can get you some more tactical support. [dumps rest of toys on floor]

Michael Westen:
[narration] When you're a spy, you learn to live with the idea of people wanting you dead - an old enemy, a dissatisfied employer, a disgruntled asset. Work long enough, and the line to kill you gets pretty long. Still, getting blown up isn't really something you get used to.

[Sam finds Michael unconscious on the ground after he's narrowly avoided a bomb planted on his front door]

Sam Axe:
Mike? Mike! Mike!

Michael Westen:
[weakly] What - ?

Sam Axe:
[stops Michael from moving] Don't try it. Don't try that. You just took a pretty bad fall.

Sam Axe:
[looking up at the landing and blown-out entrance to Michael's loft] Uh, make that a *very* bad fall.

[Sam helps Michael get to his feet outside his loft, and they look at the dented roof of Michael's car, which broke Michael's fall]

Sam Axe:
I think your car saved your life, Mike.

Michael Westen:
Not the first time.

[On the run from Carla's goons, Michael stops Sam as he observes a man about to cross the street]

Michael Westen:
[narration] Distinguishing between different kinds of suspicious behavior is crucial for an operative.

Sam Axe:
Surveillance?

Michael Westen:
Not surveillance, Sam.

[Michael runs to the man, and pulls him out of the path of an oncoming truck]

Michael Westen:
[narrating] Someone doing surveillance, for example, looks different than someone who's trying to commit suicide.

[Michael has reluctantly been contracted to kill Jeannie; he confronts her to try to save her life]

Jeannie Anderson:
Who are you?

Michael Westen:
I'm Michael. I'm here because someone was hired to kill you.

Jeannie Anderson:
Who?

Michael Westen:
...me.

Michael Westen:
That's Bill Johnson's house.

Sam Axe:
[Sarcastically] Yeah, that gets funnier every time.

Sam Axe:
So, Mike, this is, what, the tenth Bill we've looked at. I need a break, man.

Michael Westen:
You made me buy you a beer after Bill #8.

Sam Axe:
Yeah?

Michael Westen:
So, I'll buy you another beer if you do the honors.

Sam Axe:
[sighs] OK, deal. [Sam picks up a garbage bag, which bursts, spattering him with foulness] Oh! Oh, come on! OK, that's two rounds, Mike!

Larry Sizemore:
Hey, back of the line, pal!

Michael Westen:
I... Larry...? Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but you're dead.

Larry Sizemore:
[Chuckles] OK, you're wrong. Just don't tell my ex-wife. [the picture freezes, and a caption identifies him as "Larry: Undead Spy"]

Michael Westen:
You want me for a job?

Larry Sizemore:
[laughing] Yes! I wanna pay you a lot of money... to kill a lady.

Michael Westen:
Murder for hire. Civilians.

Larry Sizemore:
Don't pretend you're some kind of Boy Scout, Michael. I know better.

Michael Westen:
I don't know about this thing. It's a slippery slope.

Larry Sizemore:
Well, slippery slopes can be kinda fun... like water slides!

Larry Sizemore:
[produces a photograph] Jeannie Anderson: she is our next "dead-ee"! That's my term; it's trademarked.

Larry Sizemore:
Oh, and, Michael, I just wanna tell you what I tell all my clients: Keep your nose clean. If a cop comes within a mile of this, I kill everybody. And you know me: I mean... everybody.

Campbell:
Fiona tells me you're a soil scientist.

Michael Westen:
Yes, yes, I love my dirt.

Michael Westen:
I've been hired to kill a woman.

Fiona Glenanne:
You're changing the subject.

Michael Westen:
Yes, but I'm serious.

Fiona Glenanne:
How do you know this guy who hired you?

Michael Westen:
We worked together in the Balkans - '91, '92. It was a crazy time. He seemed relatively sane in comparison.

Fiona Glenanne:
And now he kills for a living.

Michael Westen:
Yeah, he made some poor choices before his death. [Fiona looks at him quizzically] 15 people watched Larry walk into an oil refinery right before it blew up. Apparently, it was his way of taking early retirement.

Sam Axe:
That's the military jacket on our favorite Bill Johnson. Buddy of mine pulled it in exchange for some "Sam time." [Michael stares at Sam; Sam laughs] Not all my buddies are guys!

Michael Westen:
Your methods, your business, Sam.

Sam Axe:
Mike, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but it sounds like you aren't the only person Drew hired to kille Jeannie.

Larry Sizemore:
Wow. Been a while, been a while. And you look... great.

Sam Axe:
You, too, Larry. Very youthful. Still drinking the blood of children?

Larry Sizemore:
I feel a cleansing rash of heart attacks coming on!

Therapist:
...And that's why I like to say that trust is a bridge, and it needs a strong foundation. And you can't build a bridge out of pain and fear, can you? [Nudges Michael, who has zoned out] Can you, Michael?

Michael Westen:
Uh, no... because that would make it... um... structurally unsound.

Larry Sizemore:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just listen. I wanna repitch my idea, and in case you don't remember, the outline is, "Let's kill everyone."

Sam Axe:
[Referring to Larry] He's got a weird thing for you.

Michael Westen:
That's 'cause he doesn't have any friends.

Sam Axe:
That's because he's killed most of 'em, Mike.

Larry Sizemore:
You know, the last guy who cost me a bunch of money didn't tell me about it with a smile on his face.

Michael Westen:
Larry, you're looking at it all wrong. I didn't cost you a bunch of money, I saved you a lot of hassle. This way, you're not going to have to kill four or five people.

Larry Sizemore:
Four or five people. What is that?

Michael Westen:
Well, that is something.

Larry Sizemore:
If you say so, Michael.

Fiona Glenanne:
He just sprayed Jeannie's fork with something.

Sam Axe:
That's probably Atropine. You might want to tell Jeannie she's about to have a heart attack.

Larry Sizemore:
[to Drew, whom he is using as a human shield] Do you think he'll shoot you? Because I would shoot you.

[repeated line]

Larry Sizemore:
Some people live, some people die.

Michael Westen:
I have to go meet with Larry.

Sam Axe:
Larry? Dead Larry? Oh man, I hated that guy!

Michael Westen:
He's alive.

Sam Axe:
Okay, I hate him, present tense. Mike, you're not really working with him, are you?

Michael Westen:
I'm not working with him, I'm working against him.

Sam Axe:
Well, in that case, can I help?

Michael Westen:
[narrating] Spend a career in covert ops and you're going to know some bad people. You'll work with them, you'll live with them, you might even trust your life with them. But none of that makes them your friend. It can't. Because one day, you might have to end them.

Michael Westen:
Are you going to invite us in or do I have to start shooting?

Michael Westen:
How long you been in town?

Nate Westen:
About six hours, five of which were spent listening to your girlfriend over there tell me I'd fled to Vegas to avoid some unpaid parking tickets.

Michael Westen:
She was just trying to soften you up, try to get you to roll on me.

Nate Westen:
Yeah, I figured that out after she said it would go easier if I rolled on my brother.

Fiona Glenanne:
How long before Paxson finds someone she can flip, like a gunrunner named Seymour?

Sam Axe:
Or a money launderer named Barry?

Fiona Glenanne:
Or a washed-up Navy SEAL named Sam?

Sam Axe:
Or, how 'bout an unstable, jealous...

Michael Westen:
Guys!

Brennen:
[shoots Michael's car three times] That's my way of saying thank you for the last time I saw you.

Michael Westen:
Well, nice to see you, too! Although I thought you'd still be running from those angry South Americans.

Brennen:
You know, I would be, but it seems that a rival cartel got an anonymous shipment of AK-47s and rocket launchers, so those angry South Americans were a little busy, what with all the killin' and dyin'.

Michael Westen:
You're Nate's investor.

Brennen:
Not just me. I have a partner. Nate's with him now. [Brennen shows Michael a cell phone picture] Doesn't Nate look happy, doing his little deal? Of course, he doesn't realize that his investor is actually an enforcer from Sicily called "The Butcher." Brought him in special just for this.

Brennen:
Whether Nate's meeting ends in a handshake or a bullet is entirely up to you. See, you're going to be running some errands for me today. Just think of me as, uh... your new boss. [the picture freezes on his smirk; a caption reads, "Brennen: Michael's New Boss"]

Brennen:
[to Nate] I've got a few errands to run, but you can work out the broad strokes with my partner. Be careful, though, buddy. He can be ruthless once he starts to work you over.

Barry:
[scribbling a note] Here's what you're gonna do: go here and tell Fabian I'm giving you "the portable skimmer."

Fiona Glenanne:
Fabian?

Barry:
I hired an intern.

Michael Westen:
I hope you know more about the building than my jacket size.

Brennen:
Superspy, you got bigger things to worry about than how pretty you look in your coat.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] Spies are trained to use whatever resources are available. In the hills of Afghanistan, the best you can hope for are rocks and some scrub brush. In an office building, you might have a few more options.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] Nothing sells innocence like an injury. People naturally sympathize with someone who's bleeding. If you're in a situation where you really need the benefit of the doubt, it's worth a flesh wound.

Michael Westen:
Thanks for making it easy on me.

Brennen:
Actually, I understand he's a bit of a gun nut. Which means that he's less likely to call the cops and more likely to just... shoot you. So, good luck with that.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] One of the great things about stealing information is that nobody knows it's gone. Steal someone's purse, and you're probably in for a lot of screaming. But steal someones credit card number, and half the time, they thank you.

The Butcher:
[picking up the phone] Yeah. So, what do you want me to do?

Brennen:
Stay on the line. We're deciding whether baby brother lives through the phone call.

Brennen:
Don't flatter yourself, Westen. It's not a nuke. It's a biometric lock for advanced infantry weapons. People will go on killing each other in little wars all over the globe whether or not you steal it. The only difference is how much money I make while they do it.

Michael Westen:
I do this, and Nate is released unhurt and I never see you again.

Brennen:
Done. An hour from now, I'm just a guy who sends you mean-spirited Christmas cards.

Michael Westen:
Looks like I'm gonna need that tire iron again.

Brennen:
I like where your head's at, Westen.

Michael Westen:
[to a guard, as he futily struggles in Michael's grip] Yeah, that move only works before you're in a chokehold.

Brennen:
Nate, you're here to discourage stupid decisions and show that I don't make idle threats. [Brennan takes out a gun and shoots Nate]

Michael Westen:
Does Fi have any C-4?

Sam Axe:
Well, it's Fi, Mike. You gotta ask?

Michael Westen:
You didn't need to do that.

Brennen:
Actually, I did. It's called a countermove. You just had to know what was in the box, so I just had to show you who was in charge.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] In the adrenaline rush of a high-stress situation, you tend to miss details. But it's the little things that make all the difference.

Brennen:
You keep lookin' at me that way, you're gonna have to buy me dinner.

Michael Westen:
JLA Industries? You're forcing me to break into a weapons manufacturer?

Brennen:
Forcing. Such an ugly word. Encouraging? Incentivizing? No, you're right. Let's go with forcing.

Michael Westen:
He needs to get to a hospital. You nicked an artery.

Brennen:
His needs will be met as soon as mine are.

Michael Westen:
[narration] A tire iron is great if you need a new tire. It's also great if you need a car, because a tire iron can be used to break a window and pry open the steering column to expose the ignition leads. It's the ultimate all-purpose tool.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] It's dangerous to say "no" to a spy. In a business where motives are questionable and loyalty is skin-deep, declining the wrong request can earn you a trip to the morgue. So if you're asked to soak in a jacuzzi by a black ops sociopath who's paranoid about listening devices, you pick out your favorite trunks and wade in.

Michael Westen:
Am I being punished?

Mason Gilroy:
Not at all. I just thought we could use a spot where we could talk freely about our future together.

Michael Westen:
[easing slowly away] I like you, you know, like a friend, but...

Mason Gilroy:
You're cute, but don't interrupt.

Michael Westen:
As long as your don't partner me up again, you'll get your file soon enough.

Mason Gilroy:
I won't. I've learned the file's been destroyed. And I confess my first thought was to kill you and take my leave. But no, we must keep calm and carry on.

Michael Westen:
...Thanks?

Sam Axe:
All right, brother, I'll do it, but I'm getting an itchy feeling.

Michael Westen:
You sure that's from a moral dilemma?

Sam Axe:
Oh, that's not nice.

Larry Sizemore:
Hey, pal. Sorry about the mess.

[Larry chuckles]

Michael Westen:
Larry, what the hell are you doing here?

Larry Sizemore:
Well, it's nice to see you, too, Michael. And Sam. I also see you.

Larry Sizemore:
[indicating Michael's drawn gun] Seriously, pal, we do 20 missions on three continents and this is how you greet me?

Michael Westen:
Well, that was before you faked your own death and came back without a soul.

Larry Sizemore:
Ouch. A little harsh, huh?

[the picture freezes, and a caption identifies him as "Larry" / "Undead Spy" ]

Larry Sizemore:
I'll explain everything after we get rid of this body. Now, I've been looking around this place, trying to find something to stuff him in, so we can carry him out without spooking your neighbors. How attached are you to that couch?

Larry Sizemore:
[chuckling] Would you look at that? Three to the chest. He didn't even get a shot off. I just get better with age.

Sam Axe:
Uh, Mikey, that's a Santa Muerte tattoo. Six tears: the guy's a pro with a half a dozen kills.

Larry Sizemore:
"Pro"? That's kind of generous. Six is a promising start, I guess.

Sam Axe:
Mike, I'm just going to say it: there's room for two in that couch.

Michael Westen:
[thinking about it, then lowering his gun] It's heavy as it is.

Michael Westen:
You're Larry Garber now?

Larry Sizemore:
[chuckling] Yeah. With the kind of money I make, you can't just leave it laying around the house. You want to invest, you need an identity. There was this shoe salesman up in Buffalo. He was kind enough to fall on a knife and give me his. Think about it. Call me. [he leaves]

Sam Axe:
[deadpan] That guy sucks.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Preserving a corpse is not a frequent job requirement for a spy. But if you must, stashing a body is a lot like storing high explosives. Air, water, and heat are the enemy.

Michael Westen:
I have a problem.

Nate Westen:
Yeah? Well, there's a shocker.

Michael Westen:
I need you to stay here and watch mom.

Nate Westen:
Are you kidding me? No. No! Dude, this is, like, my honeymoon, bro. You want me to subject Ruth to that right away?

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Sometimes, the least secure parts of a security system are the security cameras themselves. If leaves obstruct the lens because the landscaping hasn't been maintained, you can approach from a blind spot. And if you get close enough, borrowing the video feed is as easy as stealing pay-per-view.

Sam Axe:
[watching surveillance footage] This week on "Casa de Sicario," the killers sleep late and eat cereal for lunch! Hey, you OK with the first shift here? I have to go exploit a friend in the name of an unsanctioned national security operation, and I don't want to be late.

Michael Westen:
Looks like boss man's texting the dead guy.

Fiona Glenanne:
Is it coded?

Michael Westen:
Kinda. It's in Spanish. [Fiona stares at him] Look, if it was in Russian or Farsi...

Fiona Glenanne:
[translating a text message] Ooh, he's calling him a "pendejo." It's like "idiot," but ruder.

Larry Sizemore:
You look upset.

Michael Westen:
[glaring at him] So, who's Carlos gunning for here?

Larry Sizemore:
My front man. I hired a guy to drop your name. You'd have done the same thing. He's a disposable part-time hustler.

Michael Westen:
You're working with an amateur?

Larry Sizemore:
Amateur criminal. Professionally, he's a magician. You know, like for kids' parties? Great card tricks, great smile.

Michael Westen:
[referring to Larry's accomplice] I'm surprised he's still breathing.

Larry Sizemore:
Well, I was gonna take care of him later.

Michael Westen:
[trying to translate a text message] Tu aires? Tu airs? Eries?

Larry Sizemore:
[snatching the phone from him] Oh, you have lived in Miami for how long? He's calling him a pen... It's sort of like an idiot, but ruder. And he's saying he is, uh, sending some more guys over to clean things up.

[they watch an SUV full of gunmen pull up]

Larry Sizemore:
Well, look: nature's taking its course. We can just relax.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] The key to surviving a fall into shallow water is safely displacing your body's mass. A flat surface floating on top can help absorb and distribute your weight evenly. Miss the target, and you may as well be jumping right on the concrete.

[Michael and Larry hit the mattress on the water. Jack Yablonski misses, breaks his ankle on the bottom of the pool]

Jack Yablonski:
Ow! I think I broke my foot!

Fiona Glenanne:
[referring to Larry] Why would you bring him here? I want that nutjob out of my house!

Michael Westen:
It's not like he didn't already know your address.

Fiona Glenanne:
Why would that make me feel better?

Michael Westen:
If I let him out of my sight, that's when he starts killing everyone.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Orchestrating a fake sighting isn't a job that calls for subtlety. It's not enough to dress an imposter in the right clothes.

Fake Justino:
Am I doing all right?

[the picture freezes, and a caption identifies him as "Fake Justino" / "The Imposter" ]

Fiona Glenanne:
Oh, you are doing just fine, Justino.

Fake Justino:
You're kinky, and I like it.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] You need to make grand gestures and attract attention to colorful details.

Fiona Glenanne:
[to the bartender] Justino here thinks his tattoo is sexy. I think it's scary. Who's right?

Fake Justino:
It's a Santa Muerte.

[he shows off the tattoo; the bartender looks frightened]

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Do it right, and eyewitnesses will be lining up to swear they saw a dead man buying drinks.

Fiona Glenanne:
Drinks are on you, my friend. This round is on Justino! He just inherited a fortune!

[everyone in the bar cheers]

Fiona Glenanne:
[slips some money into his shirt, talks urgently] You need to get out of town. Go vacation in the Keys. Go now. And burn the clothes.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Every class of criminal has their own set of fears. Usually, the boogeyman lives in the mirror. Thieves triple-lock their doors, embezzlers check their bank accounts obsessively, and cartel soldiers get the hell out of any car that won't start right away.

Ruth Westen:
Vegas is amazing! The weather's amazing! Someday you're gonna have grandkids there. Don't you think living near them would just be...

Madeline Westen:
[sarcastically] Amazing?

Larry Sizemore:
[pointing to the surveillance feed] Hasn't been anything this good on at 10 o'clock in a long time.

Sam Axe:
Wow, look at him trashing the place. Justino's not in that couch, my friend!

Sam Axe:
Look, there's not gonna be any more blood... as soon as your hand stops dripping.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] The key to fake surveillance is delivering real boredom. If someone suffers for the information you're feeding them, they're much more likely to believe it.

Carlos:
Can I get one of them chips, man?

Michael Westen:
What's "no" in Spanish? It's still "no," right?

Fiona Glenanne:
What the hell are you doing here?

Larry Sizemore:
Just gonna go out on a limb and guess you've never dressed a corpse before, so I'm here to help.

Fiona Glenanne:
I'm not interested in...

Larry Sizemore:
Oh, come on. Let me put it another way: if this job goes south because *you* screwed up, everybody is going to end up... very sad.

[Fiona lowers her gun]

Larry Sizemore:
Here, hand me that shirt. It's a hell of a lot easier when you stitch 'em in.

Fiona Glenanne:
Your mother must be so proud.

Larry Sizemore:
Sorry. Couldn't walk away from two million bucks. Not gonna happen.

Michael Westen:
I need that money.

Larry Sizemore:
I'll give you half of it if you do this my way: kill Carlos.

Michael Westen:
My head is on the chopping block, Larry. You don't think I'll end you to save myself?

Larry Sizemore:
Oh, I know you would. And that's what I love about you, kid. But I'm not the guy who sent people to end your life. All you have to do is kill him. You're at a fork in the road, and I know you. This is not a tough call.

Michael Westen:
[hits the metal wall with his knife hand, yelling] Killing Carlos does *not* solve my problem! My name? It's in the air!

Larry Sizemore:
[backing up] I'll give you a new one. I'll protect you.

Michael Westen:
[shoves him] You're a shoe salesman from Buffalo!

Larry Sizemore:
I have connections, I have guns, and I also have what you need most: the will. The will to act on our instincts, to get what we want. And what I want is to work with you again. I'll cut the head off the whole cartel, if that's what it takes. But you know what's sad? I don't see anyone else steppin' up to bail you out. It's do or die time, kid. What's it gonna be?

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] After a career spent doing bad things for good reasons, it's hard to say exactly where you draw the line. You might not know, exactly... until someone asks.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Turning an asset is a multi-step process. You back them into a corner, you pile on stress, you create tension with the people they trust. If you can cut them off from good influences, so you're the only voice in their ear...

Michael Westen:
Damn it.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over]... They're much more likely to listen.

Nate Westen:
Did Larry...?

Michael Westen:
He knows I check for bugs. He switched my SIM card, used call forwarding, isolated me...

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] It's a formula that works so well, it even works on spies who oughtta know better.

Nate Westen:
You really thought no one was answering your calls? Jesus, bro. Dad's dead. You're not in Afghanistan anymore. I mean, when you going to learn there are people you can trust?

Michael Westen:
You know, I've been thinking, if we're going to do this, I want to be thorough: leave no trace, leave no teeth.

Larry Sizemore:
Oh, that's good. That's a bumper sticker. I love that.

Michael Westen:
Jack, remember: you're no longer Jack Fleetwood. You're Jack Yablonski again. Forever.

Jack Yablonski:
[not thrilled] Yeah. Psyched about that. Be safe, man.

Michael Westen:
And Jack, seriously: if I you ever come back to Miami, or if I ever hear the name Fleetwood again, I will kill you myself! OK? Have a safe trip.

Sam Axe:
There's not gonna be anymore blood! Just as soon as your hand stops dripping.

[last lines]

Sam Axe:
So, learn anything?

Michael Westen:
Only that he's a *damn* good liar. Tried to sell me some line about a bioweapon, but it took him a little too long to come up with it?

Sam Axe:
Back to square one, then. Guess you're gonna have to keep doing some diggin'.

Michael Westen:
I'm gonna need some help, Sam.

Sam Axe:
[chuckles] Imagine that.

Carlos:
[checking the money in the trunk] It's all here. But I guess I gotta let you off the hook, huh?

Michael Westen:
So we're good.

Carlos:
We're great.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Large amounts of cash present a huge temptation:

Carlos:
[holding up a twenty to the sun] Oy?.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] to steal, to kill for, to counterfeit.

Carlos:
There's no security strip. No thread. Are youse tryin' to pull something? Huh? Were you in on this?

Michael Westen:
That doesn't make any sense! You run a cash processing center; why would I shove Monopoly money in your face?

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Weighing operational risk is tricky when your life is on one side of the scale. Withholding flight plan data may put your life in danger, but you try to remember that, if you jeopardize thousands of innocent lives to save your own, you wouldn't want to live with yourself anyway.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There's a long tradition of using doubles in espionage. They're mostly used by dictators who want to confuse would-be assassins, but they have other less-common uses, like framing someone for a crime they didn't commit.

Sam Axe:
[pauses tape] Okay, I know this video is grainy, but from that angle, it sure looks like you.

Michael Westen:
It's not me, Sam.

Fiona Glenanne:
I assume the burner cellphone he's buying made a call from the scene of Max's murder.

Madeline Westen:
Well somebody went to a lot of trouble to do this. Huh. They didn't find this guy sitting at a bus stop.

Sam Axe:
She's right, Mike. This is starting to feel personal.

Michael Westen:
It's been personal since Max bled out in my arms. Since he told me to say goodbye to his wife.

Madeline Westen:
So, what's the plan to keep my son out of prison?

Sam Axe:
We got to track down the fella on this tape. I mean, that's step one in finding Max's killer.

Fiona Glenanne:
Actually, step one is deciding what to do with the bloodhound the CIA sent to replace Max. Pearce knows we have the security footage.

Michael Westen:
I can buy us some time. I'll tell her it's taking a little longer to analyze the footage.

[cellphone buzzes]

Michael Westen:
Speak of the devil.

[Michael answers his phone]

Michael Westen:
Agent Pearce, right on time. I-... Got it.

[Michael hangs up]

Sam Axe:
What's up? She got something new about the murder?

Michael Westen:
No, it wasn't about that. She wants to meet tomorrow morning, 0700. She's got another job for me, high priority at the CIA. Wish me luck.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When confronting an armed enemy, the big question is what weapons they're bringing to the fight. Trick your enemy into bringing the *wrong* weapon, and you've got the advantage.

Michael Westen:
[places a small electronic device on the window] Time to say hello.

[Michael pushes a button and the device shatters the window]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] If someone thinks they're taking fire from a sniper, for example, they'll choose something long range with a long barrel, which won't do you much good in close combat.

[ "Serbian arms traders" / "Nasty", second line uncharacteristically appearing above the first ]

Sam Axe:
Look, I sure as hell don't want guys like that hanging onto a Predator drone, but, Mike, it's gonna take an army to get it back.

Michael Westen:
I agree. That's why we need help from someone who *has* an army. We're gonna trick our old friend Carmelo into going after the Serbs.

Fiona Glenanne:
[hushed tones] Carmelo? As in the second biggest heroin dealer in Miami?

Michael Westen:
He's helped us track down mercenaries before. He's perfect for this.

Sam Axe:
Yeah, but isn't the last thing he said to you, "If I ever see you again, you're dead"?

Michael Westen:
That's why I was hoping *you* could handle the Carmelo thing.

Fiona Glenanne:
Oh, how generous. What is your plan, exactly?

Michael Westen:
We rip off Carmelo and leave Sam behind as a witness to the heist. He questions you. You steer him towards the Serbs. We play it right, he hunts for his heroin and finds our drone instead.

Fiona Glenanne:
And if we don't play it right, we find out if Sam is bulletproof.

Michael Westen:
I know it's dangerous, but if we don't do something, the CIA's source is dead, and some very bad people end up with a really dangerous weapon.

[Sam lets out a silent sigh]

Michael Westen:
Sam, I'll understand if you...

Sam Axe:
[gets up] No. You're right. That's the play.

[Michael nods]

Fiona Glenanne:
All right. I'll go find us a heroin shipment.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] For a spy, one of the most useful contacts in the criminal underworld is the small-time drug dealer. Their work demands that they stay informed about their rivals, their suppliers, the police, and any other bad guys who might be operating in their area.

[Fiona taps on the back of... ]

Sugar:
[turns, smiles] Fiona!

[ "Sugar" / "Drug dealer" ]

Sugar:
[with a friendly "Get lost!" expression] Now is not a good time.

Fiona Glenanne:
Oh, now's good.

Sugar:
Ladies, this is Fiona.

Sugar's Girl:
Hi.

Fiona Glenanne:
She's a very dear firend who would never dream of interrupting this magical time we're all having together.

Fiona Glenanne:
Oh, of course not. If you have found some friends that are okay with your medical condition, I wouldn't dream of imposing.

[Sugar chuckles nervously]

Sugar's Girl:
Um... "medical condition"?

Fiona Glenanne:
It's not a big deal, really. There are plenty of ways to manage the symptoms: there's, uh, ointments, gels, creams, suppositories...

Sugar:
She's joking. She actually has a very dark, twisted sense of humor.

Sugar's Girl:
Um, yeah, I think we're actually gonna leave.

Michael Westen:
So you're saying the Agency never tricks third parties into attacking our enemies? Huh. Times *have* changed.

Agent Pearce:
Of course we do, but a "Yojimbo" play is a Hail Mary to pull off, not to mention reckless.

Sam Axe:
Yeah, well, as the guy who's about to put his head in the lion's mouth, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop reminding me.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The key to robbing an armed transport is to stop the vehicle without putting the guards on the defensive... Shooting a tire can cause a blowout without arousing suspicion, but it takes a gifted sniper to hit a target moving 40 miles per hour.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Staging a scene is one the most important deception techniques in espionage. You're telling a story, arranging evidence for someone to discover so they'll believe what you want them to believe. If it works, there's nothing like it. If it *doesn't* work, well, it's good to be nearby with a sniper rifle.

[ "Carmelo" / "2nd biggest heroin dealer in Miami" ]

Carmelo Dante:
[asking his thugs] So, where were they hiding? The gunmen: the ones that sent you running off like little b*tches? This badass crew that separated you from my dope? Now, you: you said there was a dozen, right? Where... did a dozen guys park their cars? Tell me. Because *I* *don't* *see it*!

Michael Westen:
[narrative] For a spy, there's no greater victory than successfully inserting an asset into a hostile organization. Of course, it's a little hard to celebrate that victory when the hostile organization is a bunch of trigger-happy drug dealers and the asset is your best friend.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The first moments of an infiltration are crucially important. That's when you're establishing yourself: what you know about them, what they know about you, and, most importantly, how useful you're going to be... If the target decides you're useful, you're in. If they decide you're not useful, you're usually dead.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Establishing a cover as a drug addict isn't glamorous, but it has its advantages. People don't expect addicts to be rational... so they don't question their motives. Nothing explains an unwanted intrusion quite like the impression that you're high as a kite.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Not all of the intelligence spies use is stolen or even secret. When the information you need involves a lot of data - like searching for a single face in the population of Miami - what you really need is access to the right database, which is usually behind the counter at the closest government agency.

Fiona Glenanne:
[sighs] I can't believe the boys get to go up against heroin pushers and arms traffickers and I'm here stuck in the County Clerk's office... in these earrings.

Madeline Westen:
Hey, I love those earrings. And we're here to keep your boyfriend out of jail.

Fiona Glenanne:
He's not going to find that drone staring at those pasty bastards until they're tan.

Michael Westen:
No, but he'll start looking right after the bullets stop flying.

Fiona Glenanne:
[referring to earlier] Hmm. Allow me. We've already established I'm the better shot...

[Michael fires a suppressed round hitting his target perfectly. Fiona looks at him]

Michael Westen:
Cellphone: slightly smaller target than a car tire.

Gabriel Manaro:
[instantly abrasive] You Westen?

Matt Bailey:
[instantly abrasive] Do you want to tell us why the name Sam Axe is appearing on equipment-requisition forms?

Gabriel Manaro:
You really put a $40,000 bug on that man's face?

Michael Westen:
[pause, then to Agent Pearce] Which one should I answer?

[Bailey scoffs]

Agent Pearce:
Michael, this is Gabrial Manaro and Matt Bailey. Guys, this is...

Gabriel Manaro:
Oh, we know who he is! He's the genius who involved a heroin dealer in a classified CIA field operation, not to mention Sam Axe!

Michael Westen:
[walking past, pronouncing Manaro's name with contempt] Sam mentioned there was a dustup with whichever one of you is Manaro?

Gabriel Manaro:
A-a dustup? You could say that. We're not fans.

[ "Gabrial Manaro & Matt Bailey" / "Not fans of Sam Axe" ]

Michael Westen:
[pouring wine] So, when did you work with Sam?

Matt Bailey:
Five years ago, he compromised a CIA facility in Colombia. He endangered a mission *and* its personnel.

Gabriel Manaro:
Specifically us.

Matt Bailey:
Yeah.

Michael Westen:
I'm sure he had his reasons.

Agent Pearce:
Okay. Focus. Mr. Axe's position with Carmelo Dante is... precarious. His story's being checked against a captured Serb. Michael thinks we need the cavalry on call.

Matt Bailey:
[laughing] What cavalry? What's with this guy?

Gabriel Manaro:
You put an asset in the field...

Michael Westen:
[angry] I put my *friend* in the field! Now, I haven't asked for anything yet, but if I do, you better be ready!

Matt Bailey:
I wouldn't hold my breath. This mission comes first.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The most advanced computer is worse at identifying faces than a newborn baby. Unless a photo is taken straight on under direct lighting, facial-recogntiion software is nearly worthless. Fortunately, driver's license photos are taken straight on under direct lighting for exactly that reason.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Navigation systems combine data from traffic helicopters, police scanners, and road sensors to estimate the driving time along your route. But compiling all that data creates a time lag... There's still no quicker way to get across town than being guided by somebody who has access to real-time satellite imagery.

Michael Westen:
[narrative continued in closed captions, camera focusing on the Hyundai branding] and driving a very, very fast car.

[watching Carmelo's crew attack the Serbs]

Jesse Porter:
Damn, it's like one of those nature documentaries where a snake eats the other snake. I can never watch those.

Fiona Glenanne:
Really? I love those.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] For a spy, sneaking into the middle of a gun battle to pull someone out is one of the less popular assignments. It's mostly about timing: go in too early, and you have both sides shooting at you; go in too late, and, well, you're too late.

Carmelo Dante:
Seriously, I will kill you if I ever see you again.

Michael Westen:
Yeah, I've heard that before.

Gabriel Manaro:
You look pretty pleased with yourselves for a couple of guys who just cut a deal with a drug kingpin.

Matt Bailey:
What the hell were you thinking? You know, we told you...

Michael Westen:
You said the *Serbs* couldn't find out the CIA was involved. But Carmelo finding out - that wasn't "mission critical," was it?

Matt Bailey:
Do you really expect us to make good on immunity for that bastard?

Michael Westen:
Actually, I do, because if you let him go to jail, that *bastard* has no incentive to keep his mouth shut.

Gabriel Manaro:
We keep him out on the street, you really think...

Sam Axe:
Maybe Pearce can explain it to you. Ask her to talk real slow, and you might get it.

Agent Pearce:
As long as Carmelo's got a reputation to protect...

Gabriel Manaro:
Well, that's just beautiful, but have you heard the story he told the cops?

Matt Bailey:
The guy said he went to the marina with his buddies for a picnic!

Gabriel Manaro:
Then Serbs attacked, out of nowhere!

Matt Bailey:
Oh, but luckily, Carmelo had the sense to bring all these automatic weapons with him to the picnic, you know, instead of food!

Gabriel Manaro:
This is the official story we get to sell to the Miami police.

Matt Bailey:
[talking over] Yeah, this is what we get to do with this Carmelo guy.

Gabriel Manaro:
[talking over] This is the mess you are leaving us with!

Matt Bailey:
[talking over] Immunity. Fantastic.

Sam Axe:
Yeah, well, sucks being you. But I guess that's nothing new, right?

Matt Bailey:
Woah! Ho, ho! Ho!

Gabriel Manaro:
Ho! Woah! Mr. Axe! Not so fast. We need our glasses back.

Sam Axe:
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I... lost them.

[Sam and Michael get into the Charger. Sam chuckles to Michael as he pulls the glasses from his pocket]

Michael Westen:
Sam, I just wanna say...

Sam Axe:
You don't have to, Mike.

Michael Westen:
I was *gonna* say, you owe *me* one.

Michael Westen:
[as Sam laughs] And I owe you fifty.

[last lines]

Sam Axe:
[joins Michael in the Charger] So, you found the fake Michael Westen, huh? That's great, buddy.

Michael Westen:
Yeah, Fi and my mom tracked him down, and I tailed him here. Name's Jacob Starky.

[ "Jacob Starky" / "Fake Michael Westen" ]

Michael Westen:
I told Pearce the tapes were a dead end. We got a little breathing room for the moment.

Sam Axe:
Good-looking fella. Doesn't quite have your chin, though.

Michael Westen:
That means a lot coming from you. Wait. Here we go.

[a car pulls up to Starky. He goes over to it and gives some money]

Sam Axe:
That looks shady.

[Sam looks through binoculars and sees the driver hand over a gun to Starky]

Sam Axe:
Okay. That looks *very* shady. So, our new pal, Jacob, is buying a Glock, Mike. What do you think he needs a gun for?

Michael Westen:
I don't know, but it looks like things are about to get interesting.

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Interrogating a hostile prisoner is a little like proposing marriage - you want to get it right on the first try - so you don't settle until you find the perfect spot, you take special care to create the right ambience and set the mood, and then you wait for the best moment to pop the question.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The threat of rendition is usually more persuasive than the fear of immediate torture. For prisoners who want to believe that they've hit rock bottom, the idea that their circumstances could get even worse is a powerful motivator. It's kinda like "The Grass Always Being Greener," only in reverse.

[Michael pulls Jesse out of interviewing Kendra]

Jesse Porter:
[in an angry whisper] What the hell was that! One of us had to stop her from scrambling her brains!

Michael Westen:
[normal tone] I know. You did the right thing.

Jesse Porter:
Wh... What? No, yeah, I know! I know! I know I did. So what- why...

Michael Westen:
Rendition only works when the Bad Cop isn't in the room. She invited him in and kicked him in the teeth. Our play was dead, we needed a new one, now we've got it.

Jesse Porter:
We don't have a damn thing!

Michael Westen:
[pointing to monitor] That woman is a predator. She's overconfident around people she thinks of as prey.

[pause]

Michael Westen:
You're the prey, Jesse.

[a moment is taken as it sinks in]

Jesse Porter:
So I'm the, I'm the weak link. I'm the guy with the bosses breathin' down his neck.

Michael Westen:
That's what I was tryin' to tee up.

Jesse Porter:
Okay. All right, but look: if we make the soft play, it is just me in that room from now on, okay? I gotta be out on a island by myself. That's the only way that this can possibly work.

Michael Westen:
I know. And this better work.

Michael Westen:
I'm gonna call 9-1-1.

Fiona Glenanne:
Oh! How very civic minded of you, Michael.

Michael Westen:
[getting up and walking away] You don't guard a room full of belt grinders and bandsaws with a bomb! Something in there is worth finding and it won't be around much longer if that fire doesn't get put out.

Fiona Glenanne:
Well, Fire & Rescue's not gonna let you just waltz right in there, Michael.

Michael Westen:
One thing at a time, Fi!

[secondary explosion]

Michael Westen:
[picking up the pace] Okay, let's go.

Sam Axe:
[shouted playacting at Jesse for Kendra to overhear] Were my instructions too complicated for you to understand? Do I need to speak in single-syllable words maybe? Draw you a picture? Now quit playing nice, get in there *and get me some* DAMN *ANSWERS*!

Sam Axe:
[quietly, cleaning some spittle off Jesse's face] Sorry man, got a little something, there.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Every interrogation is a struggle between two parties for control. When forward progress depends on you giving up this control, you have to be careful. An overt show of weakness is transparent; bluffing strength and allowing that bluff to be called creates a believeable fiction that lets the person across the table think they actually have something on you.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Bureaucracy is a spy's best friend. The overlap between city, county, and state emergency response creates confusion that can be exploited at a crime scene. If you wander in off the street and claim jurisdiction, you buy time by wrapping yourself in red tape.

Fiona Glenanne:
[commenting on Michael's lockpicking] 23 seconds. Not exactly a record.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] For a spy in a rush to steal large computer files quickly, file sharing sites are a dream come true. File sharing has none of the drawbacks of e-mail: there are no size limitations on uploads, no waiting for files to bounce through multiple servers, and no electronic trail leading back to the account on the receiving end. The only drawback is whatever you post can be seen by anyone in the world, but since nearly every visitor to these sites is busy trolling for illegal music and movie downloads, chances are good no one will think twice about whatever boring intelligence you left there.

Fiona Glenanne:
[picking a lock] Oh, damn it. Open.

Michael Westen:
[it opens] Ugh. Finally.

Michael Westen:
Minute, 53. Not bad considering the guy clearly doesn't skimp on security, the lock was professional grade...

Fiona Glenanne:
Just, don't.

Buddy:
Somebody's shooting!

Michael Westen:
[inspects Buddy's arm, clean through] Nice shot, Fi!

Buddy:
You shot- *You* shot-?

Fiona Glenanne:
Well it was either shoot you or bring flowers to your funeral, Buddy.

Michael Westen:
[they start to leave, then Michael stops] Hey, Fi, we can't leave a bomb here.

Michael Westen:
[to Buddy] Give me your shoe.

Buddy:
What, you want one of my Brunos?

Michael Westen:
Give me your shoe!

[He removes a shoe and gives it to Michael. Michael throws it at the shed]

Buddy:
Why are you doing that?

[the shoe impacts the shed's door, swinging it open slightly. The shed explodes]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There's a reason why most thieves work at night: darkness makes it easier to commit crimes. But darkness also makes it harder to see where you're going when you're trying to escape. Infrared paint is invisible in daylight but can be seen under a blacklight or with the help of IR goggles. Useful if you need to find an exit in the pitch black.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] There's an art to letting someone think they're corrupting you: you can't be too eager or too reluctant; you can't be too quick or too slow; most of all, you have to sell the guilt in the eyes that comes with betrayal. Once they think they own you, then you make your move,

Jesse Porter:
Hey, let me ask you somethin'. Is it weird that I kinda miss you?

Sam Axe:
[chuckles] Well, you have been hanging out with a homicidal psychopath, but uh... yeah, it's a little weird.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Hydraulic arms are safety features that slow the speed a door can close to minimize injury, but wrap a belt around them and they can be turned into an improvised lock.

Michael Westen:
All right, we're getting out of here.

Buddy:
How? It's the second floor.

[Michael chambers a round]

Buddy:
What are you doing?

Michael Westen:
[aims] Making an exit.

[Michael shoots out a window]

Buddy:
Are you serious? How are we gonna...?

Michael Westen:
Keep your arms in. Land on your feet. Tuck and roll.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] It doesn't matter if you're a spy or a civilian, falling isn't fun. You can minimize injury by absorbing shock with your knees and rolling as you hit the ground, but the most important thing you need to do is remain calm and accept that it's going to hurt.

[Michael gives Buddy an encouraging push out the window, cringes at his landing, then follows]

Michael Westen:
Buddy, reach into the duffel bag at your feet, give me that rope.

Buddy:
What are you going to do?

Michael Westen:
I'm goin' fishing.

[Michael unbundles the rope, pulls out a small, radio-triggered explosive device, and puts the device into a clutch purse]

Fiona Glenanne:
No, Michael, I love that bag!

Michael Westen:
Sorry, Fi, I never did.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] To stop a moving car, you can kill the engine, kill the driver, or kill the tires. If you only have a small amount of explosives, the tires are your target. The trick is getting the charge in the right place.

[Fi passes the target car. Michael drags the explosive behind them in the purse, letting out the rope to get it under the target car and, once in position, triggers the explosive, taking out the right rear tire. Meh, dragging on the pavement likely ruined it anyway]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you're interrogating someone with nothing to lose, you have to give them another reason to talk. If you're looking to motivate someone who's cut off, alone, and convinced they're going to die, you can't beat revenge.

[last lines]

Sam Axe:
[toasting] To the new guy! For putting that hot slice of crazy in the rearview.

[they tap beer bottles and drink]

Jesse Porter:
Mmm. Ohh, man!

Jesse Porter:
[looks at Kendra on monitor] It's gonna be weird not hanging out with her tomorrow, you know?

[Michael regards angry Kendra on the monitor]

Michael Westen:
You could really use some more friends. I'd work on that.

Michael Westen:
You mentioned that when he called he had a voice scrambler. Did you get a number?

Buddy:
Uh, I did better than that. I, uh, greased a woman at the phone company with some Jimmy Chu knockoffs and she, um, what are ya gonna call it, uh, triangulated? where the calls came from? And, I went and bought *this*

Buddy:
[pulls out a small handgun] little honey, ha ha, so I thought we could go and catch the guy together.

Buddy:
[puts gun back into his shirt, missing the pocket, and it falls straight to the floor]

[ "Buddy" / "The Client" ]

Michael Westen:
Why don't you just give us the address and we'll take it from there?

Fiona Glenanne:
Michael? The antenna. That shed is wired to blow.

[Fiona pulls out her gun and aims]

Michael Westen:
Fi!

Fiona Glenanne:
You have a better idea? Now's the time.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When an operative hears a gunshot, his first instinct is to identify where the shot came from.

[Fiona fires, hitting the ground behind Buddy]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When a civilian hears a gunshot, he might turn to locate the source of the shot, or he might run straight for the nearest building, which is a problem if that building's been rigged to explode.

[Fiona aims again... ]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] At that point, you may have to choose the small injury over the big one.

[... and fires, hitting Buddy in the upper left arm, causing him to fall into the water short of the shed]

[first lines]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] In any investigation, leads go cold fast - it's true for ops and even truer for spies, who tend to be after a more sophisticated class of bad guy - so if you get intelligence that the person you're chasing hired a bomb maker who lives a few hours up the highway, you can't afford to sit on the information. You have to move immediately.

Michael Westen:
[carrying a heavy bag of weapons] Sam, are you gonna help?

Sam Axe:
Yeah, it's just that, I mean, you really think this old guy built that bomb? I mean, he's owned a clock shop for like 20 years.

Fiona Glenanne:
Under a different last name. He's a war criminal, and he's hiding.

Michael Westen:
Fiona went to a lot of trouble to get that file. If it says the bomb maker's hiding out in Tallahassee, that's where we're going.

Sam Axe:
Well, I just want to be sure we're making the right move.

Michael Westen:
It's the *only* move, Sam.

Michael Westen:
Fi, Sam and I won't be able to get back until late tomorrow night.

Fiona Glenanne:
Which means we're not having that dinner at the Forge.

Michael Westen:
Sorry.

Fiona Glenanne:
[sighs] All right, this is important. You want me to cancel the reservation?

[Michael hesitates]

Fiona Glenanne:
[under breath] There *is* no reservation.

Michael Westen:
I'm sorry. It was- This guy...

Fiona Glenanne:
Could help you find out who killed Max, I know. Take these.

[Fi gives Michael two more weapons]

Fiona Glenanne:
Be safe.

Michael Westen:
[southern accent] Are you the fella that fixes the clocks?

Lucien Balan:
Yes, I buy, sell, and repair. Like the sign says: I'm a clockmaker.

[ "Lucien" / "Bomb maker" ]

Michael Westen:
A football buddy of ours, well, his father passed away, left us this collection of, uh, antique clocks.

Sam Axe:
Yes, sir, and we were told that, uh, Lucien Balan's the fella we should talk to about selling them. They're outside in the car if you want to come out and take a quick look.

Lucien Balan:
Spare me the trip. Please. Come in back. I'll show you my catalogs, you show me what you have. Uh, who told you about me? I like to know who gives referrals.

Michael Westen:
Martin McCauley up in Greenville; he sung your praises.

Lucien Balan:
[chuckles] And this Martin: did he tell you how he knows me? I don't hear the name Lucien much. These days, they call me Luka.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Only the smartest, nastiest war criminals make it to old age. If you have to capture one of them, you can assume they'll have a trick up their sleeve, like a concealed weapon, a covert escape route, or a metal floor grate rigged to electrocute any unwated visitors.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The real experts in resisting interrogation aren't the ones who stonewall in silence.They're the ones who have mastered the art of talking about nothing, pretending to cooperate, throwing out endless leads... They use youre need for information against you... giving you things you want to believe... All they're doing is running out the clock. You're not oging to break them with more conversation; you need an edge.

Fiona Glenanne:
[sighs] You know what kind of girlfriend drives all the way to Tallahassee to search a crust old man's equally crusty apartment?

Michael Westen:
A *good* girlfriend.

Fiona Glenanne:
A *great* girlfriend. The kind of girlfriend who deserves dinner at the Forge.

Michael Westen:
Point taken. How about *two* dinners?

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you're looking for an angle in an interrogation, it often helps to let a subject watch you go through the details of his life right in front of him... Keeping one eye on your research and one eye on his reactions can often tell you what he wants you to see... and what he doesn't.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Like Aikido masters, interrogators know that breaking their adversary isn't just about leverage; it's about knowing how and when to apply it. The moment your opponent feels most confident... is also the moment he's most susceptible to a game-changing reversal.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] A good way to sell your expertise in protecting people is to point out holes in security that most people wouldn't notice... Pointing out holes in security is also a great way to create new holes in security.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] People tend to implement security based on anticipated threats: they install firewalls and encryption if they're afraid of being hacked; they use vaults and armed guards if they're worried about being robbed;... and if you need to get them to keep their personal security with them at all times, you have to make them afraid to ever be alone.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When you're being smuggled into a secure area, the best hiding spot is somewhere that people are confident they've checked thoroughly. By attaching reflective window tint to multiple sheets of glass, you can create what's known as the infinity illusion. And just like any magician won't tell you, as long as the light outside the space remains brighter than the inside, you'll be as good as invisible.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When a plan goes wrong, it's crucial to stay cool. You may have to bail out, but how you bail out is everything. Do you run and leave behind evidence that gives away your plan to your enemies? Or do you keep the mission alive by covering your tracks?

Michael Westen:
[on security camera and over radio] Hey, Mr. Forte. I just want to take this opportunity to share something else I learned when I was reading at my mother's deathbed. You know why Hell is scary? It's not the pain, it's not the torture, it's not burning in a lake of fire; it's that it lasts forever - just like me. So let me be the first to tell you: welcome to Hell, Mr. Forte. Welcome to Hell.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The morning after a failed operation, you have two choices: you can admit defeat and lick your wounds, or you can re-engage immediately, sticking by your enemy so you'll be in position when you find another opening.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Even a fender-bender can stop traffic for a few minutes, but creating a longer-lasting roadblock is about provoking an emergency response. Cops and firefighters won't go anywhere near a burning chemical truck billowing smoke that looks toxic. Which means you can get four hours of roadblock with a smoke canister and a little gasoline.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Sleight-of-hand tricks aren't just for kiddie parties. The same misdirection and quick moves that a magician uses to find a quarter behind a 5-year-old's ear can also help an operative plant a listening device in someone's car.

James Forte:
[to Jesse] You have worked for me for five days. I cannot believe that I am seriously considering this.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Work long enough as a spy and you learn that distress calls don't always work exactly as planned. Just because someone calls for help doesn't mean they're going to get it. A surprisingly high percentage of the time, friends turn out to be less concerned with rescue... and more concerned with making sure no one talks.

[last lines]

Sam Axe:
[on Lucien] He's gone, Mike. We lost our only lead.

Michael Westen:
[on Max's killer] Not quite. Lucien told me where to find him.

Sam Axe:
Well, then, I think we owe that son of a b*tch a visit.

[first lines]

Live TV News Reporter:
[on television]... That's correct, Senator. We now have reason to believe that all the incidents you just listed can be linked to Drake Corporation's subsidiaries.

Senator Gordon, R-Minnesota:
All of you believe then the CEO of a major telecommunications company stood at the center of some sort of cabal - a conspiracy to profit for war, civil unrest, terror abroad - and the United States intelligence community knew nothing about it?

Live TV News Reporter:
Yes. Additionally there was the attack on the...

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies live in the shadows, but they dream of the light. When you're working covert ops for low pay and life-threatening conditions, the idea that your work won't remain secret forever keeps you going. One day the world will learn what you've done, even if your name is never known. Some of the sweetest moments come when the job ends and the bullets stop flying. That is, unless one of those bullets rips through your chest.

[walking hospital hallways]

Michael Westen:
Why can't I just stay in my loft?

Madeline Westen:
Those stairs? *I* could beat *you* in a 40-yard dash right now.

[recap]

Michael Westen:
Previously on "Burn Notice"...

Adam Scott:
They took Becky right out of the backyard. I know exactly who did it.

[ "Adam Scott" / "The Client" ]

Dale Lawson:
Tell him if he wants his girl, get my brother out of jail.

[ "Dale Lawson" / "Kidnapper" ]

Dale Lawson:
[of his freed "brother"] Son of a b*tch! That's not him! You think you can do this to me?

Michael Westen:
[to Adam Scott] He's a little angry.

Adam Scott:
I'm angry, too.

Fiona Glenanne:
So what now?

Michael Westen:
The situation hasn't changed. Everything leads back to John Barrett. We found Barrett, he's in Miami, we grab him, and we ask him some questions.

Fiona Glenanne:
Jesse vowed to put a bullet in you. That should put him at the top of your to-do list.

Michael Westen:
There's not a whole lot I can do about that right now.

John Barrett:
[over radio] Let's talk about my Bible.

Michael Westen:
[over radio] You want the Bible, Mr. Barrett, you'll meet me at Dinner Key, noon, Tuesday.

John Barrett:
[over radio] That can be arranged.

Michael Westen:
So that list is the key to destroying the people who burned me.

[Vaughn and his men show up and open fire]

John Barrett:
Take him!

[a shot goes through Michael's left shoulder and through the guy holding him]

Fiona Glenanne:
He shot Michael! What is Jesse doing?

Sam Axe:
No, he shot the guy *behind* him. He's savin' Mike's butt is what he's doing.

John Barrett:
Who do you work for?

Michael Westen:
I'm self-employed.

[Michael grabs the wheel, flips the SUV. survives, sees the case taken away before passing out]

[Michael is in a hospital bed, Fiona sitting at his side]

Fiona Glenanne:
[lightly slaps back of Michael's hand 5 times] It's been three... days.

[Fiona inhales sharply, slaps Michael's hand once more, then sits back]

Fiona Glenanne:
Enough... already.

Fiona Glenanne:
[kicks Michael] GET UP!

[Michael awakens with a painful grunt as Fiona feigns surprise]

Michael Westen:
[raspy voice] W-where am I?

Fiona Glenanne:
Miami. Mount Sinai Hospital.

Sam Axe:
Oh, excuse me, Miss?

Alicia Renson:
Alicia Renson. I'm here for my brother, Walt.

Sam Axe:
Oh, I'm sorry, I don't work here, uh, but we just saw- I mean, were you there? Are you all right?

Alicia Renson:
Yeah, yeah, but my brother might have lost his hearing.

Michael Westen:
What happened?

Alicia Renson:
I don't know. I... Walt was, uh, having lunch with his- with his boss and... I-I went to get his... signature on this field-trip form. I watch...

Alicia Renson:
[sniffles] the kids since Gina left. And, um... and, uh, W-Walt was coming out. And I looked over and-and I saw this-this young couple. And then it went off.

Sam Axe:
And they weren't there anymore.

Alicia Renson:
[sniffs] I don't think this was an accident. I told Walt not to work for a slimebag like Dale. It was a matter of time before something like this.

Michael Westen:
[Sam and Mike exchange looks] "Dale"?

Alicia Renson:
Dale Lawson. This guy my brother works for. He's dead. Walt's no angel, but he didn't deserve this. Cops better find out who did this. Someone's gotta bring them to justice.

Michael Westen:
Someone will.

Nurse:
Excuse me? Your brother's asking for you.

[Alicia goes with the Nurse to her brother. "Alicia" / "The client" ]

Sam Axe:
Adam Scott. You're thinkin' it too, right?

Michael Westen:
Dale kidnapped his daughter. Would be one hell of a coincidence.

Sam Axe:
You told him to get out of town. He promised that he would drop it.

Michael Westen:
Yeah, he's a lawyer, I guess I should have got it in writing.

Sam Axe:
Wait, didn't Scott say that he wanted Lawson's whole crew to pay? This could just be the beginning, Mike, like a declaration of war- okay, what are you doin'? The doctor said two weeks.

Michael Westen:
[pulling out his IV] I'm fine! Time to get back to work.

Adam Scott:
Mr. Westen.

[ "Scott" / "Vengeful former client" ]

Adam Scott:
Miss... Glenanne. I-I wasn't expecting... What happened to you?

Michael Westen:
[indicating his immobilized arm] Oh, this? Oh, this is nothing. It's not like I almost got blown up on South Beach.

Adam Scott:
Are you referring to that explosion?

Michael Westen:
Three days after you told me Dale Lawson is a dead men, Dale Lawson *is* a dead man.

Adam Scott:
Well, I was at a full bar at the Delano with... 200 people when that happened?

Michael Westen:
23 hours a day you're holed up *here*, and just then you happened to be grabbing a beer? Is that a joke?

Adam Scott:
Well, it's called an alibi?

Fiona Glenanne:
Innocent people are dead because you had to have your revenge. Don't smile at us.

Adam Scott:
The man kidnapped my little girl. You know, I wish - I wish I *had* killed him. I wish I had been there to watch him burn. But I didn't do it.

Fiona Glenanne:
Of course not. A man with your clientele, I'm sure you could shake a bomber out of your sleeve.

Adam Scott:
Well, whoever it was, I'm hoping they're just getting started. I mean, Lawson's got a big crew.

Fiona Glenanne:
He doesn't seem to be getting it. If another innocent pers-!

Adam Scott:
If you're all out of baseless accusations, I'd like to kindly ask you to get the hell out of my house.

[a security guard grabs Michael by his injured arm]

Michael Westen:
Aah!

Fiona Glenanne:
[pulls a gun on guard] Hands to yourself. We're leaving.

[the guard backs off]

Michael Westen:
Go be with your daughter. Enjoy the time. Prison visits are hard on kids.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] The site of a break-in is like a broken bone: years later, the spot will either have been made stronger or weaker by the ordeal. A replacement window pane installed with putty and weather stripping costs about 10 cents to remove.

Sam Axe:
Uh, hope you're done in there, bud, 'cause you are done in there.

Michael Westen:
Dennis is coming?

Sam Axe:
Yeah, I think we should call him "Dennis Wayne Barfield," you know, just to give him that, uh, serial-killer flavor.

Michael Westen:
I'll meet you 'round back in 5 minutes, Sam.

Sam Axe:
Yeah.

[ "Dennis Wayne Barfield" / "Serial killer" ]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] You need confidence and a can-do attitude to make it in the field. But if you don't have the physical strength to match your attitude, that confidence can just as easily get you killed.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
Excuse me, scumbag. You just picked the wrong guy to rob.

Michael Westen:
I wanted a closer look. I'm your biggest fan.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
A f- a fan?

Michael Westen:
My name is Gordon Letts and I've been following your work since the trial.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
[gesturing around] I'm a photography student.

Michael Westen:
No. Your work. I read the papers. After this last thing on South Beach I just had to meet you. That's all. Please. Please put the gun down.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
I was acquitted at my trial. *I* did not do anything wrong.

Michael Westen:
Of course you didn't! You took out those degenerates. You are an inspiration. I could learn so much from you.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
I'm sure you could, Gordon.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
[raises the gun again] But that's not gonna happen.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
[Dennis grabs Michael by his good arm to the door] Now, *if* you come back, I *will* put another hole in you. But keep reading the papers, Gordon. There's more to love coming soon.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Bribery's a delicate art. Success often depends less on how much cash you offer and more on how you offer it... Pretending there's a standard fee for what you're asking for means you're less likely to report the bribe... And if you come across as unlikeable, even a normally ethical person might not pass up the chance to make a buck off your stupidity.

Michael Westen:
May I ask you something? Why do you do what you do?

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
It's in the genes, Gordon. It's a gift. Vision. When I see scum, I *have* to end them.

Michael Westen:
[slipping out of character] I know the feeling.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
Take the other day, South Beach. I get a tip that a drug dealer, a gang leader, is going to be at a family restaurant. Well, who am I if I don't end him?

Michael Westen:
How do you feel about the people who... get in the way? The couple who died.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
Casualties of war. It-it wasn't exactly what I'd intended, but radio detonators can be touchy: certain electronic devices get too close, and boom. Qu? ser?.

Michael Westen:
After it's over, don't even think you're getting out of this without confessing.

Adam Scott:
Why would anyone ever confess to anything when there's a Fifth Amendment? I'll trade what I know and I'll have a pledge of immunity by the end of the day.

Michael Westen:
Not from me you won't.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Despite the expression, very few people actually shoot the messenger. Making a fake delivery is a great way to get close to a well-defended position. Carry a large-enough bouquet and you can very close without being IDed.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Foot chases rarely last long. During the initial burst of adrenaline, it's important to keep your target in view; if you can, you'll probably catch up. Few people have anything left in the tank after a quarter of a mile at top speed.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Triangulating someone's position from a radio or cellular signal works exactly the way it sounds: by recording the time and intensity of the signal from three separate positions, it's fairly easy to calculate the position of origin, and a computer program can do the work a lot faster if your trigonometry is rusty.

Dennis Wayne Barfield:
You think these idiots realize how much water I carried for them, scraping all the filth off this planet? I guess no good deed goes unpunished.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] More than anything, zealots crave an audience. Fanatics, at their core, believe they have something to teach the world. Dealing with a fanatic, then, is often just a matter of being a very good student.

Michael Westen:
When I see the world, what's wrong with it, twisted - there are demons among us - when I see something wrong, I have to act. I can't help myself.

Jesse Porter:
This isn't exactly over, Sam. You said it yourself: these cops don't know what they're up against. What if they breach and Dennis decides to end it when they get close?

Cop #1:
[to Michael] On your feet! Let's go!

Jesse Porter:
[takes out his radio] Someone could die.

Sam Axe:
Fi, how do you want to play it?

[Jesse activates his radio, blowing up the bomb in Fi's new house]

Sam Axe:
Jesse, you just...

Jesse Porter:
Yeah. Sometimes you got to put the rabid dog down.

Madeline Westen:
You look worse than you did when you got out of the hospital.

Michael Westen:
Yeah, well, I've had a long week.

Madeline Westen:
You never answered my question, by the way, about why you do what you do. Do you even think about it?

Michael Westen:
Since the day I was burned, every day.

Madeline Westen:
And?

Michael Westen:
And I don't know. I don't know if my reasons are that different than anybody else who likes the feel of a trigger on their finger. I wish I understood. I just don't.

Madeline Westen:
[pause] Whatever.

Michael Westen:
"Whatever"?

Madeline Westen:
Yeah. I mean, maybe you've got some repressed crap, you know? Rage... about how it was for you as a kid, or the things you've seen, or... I don't know, maybe this is just how you fit into the world. Whatever.

Michael Westen:
Thanks, Mom.

Madeline Westen:
What I'm saying is, in the end, it doesn't matter. You're one of the good guys, Michael. I'm proud of you. I bought you a present.

[Madeline gives Michael a small bag. Michael takes it and pulls out a small case. He pops open the snap and pulls out a pair of sunglasses]

Madeline Westen:
Hm!

Michael Westen:
These are *exactly* like the pair I lost. How- how did you...?

Madeline Westen:
It's called shopping.

Madeline Westen:
[chuckles] We all have our strengths. Now go do what you do.

[last lines]

Jesse Porter:
No briefcase, no NOC list.

Michael Westen:
No trace of where Justin Walsh went after he killed Sweeney for it.

Jesse Porter:
I did find Walsh's e-mail address. I know it's not much to go on.

Michael Westen:
Whoever this guy is, he's got the name and position of every one of the people who burned me, he knows how dangerous and valuable that information is, and he has a three-day head start.

Sam Axe:
You see the steel doors? That place is pretty well defended.

Fiona Glenanne:
Yeah, well, it's worth the risk. It's not just me. Michael's on the edge of something very, very bad. You know it.

Sam Axe:
All right, fine. We'll sneak in there, have a little chat. But no explosives, okay? 'Cause if that place is storing RDX, forget it.

Fiona Glenanne:
I don't just blow things up. I do have other skills. We're gonna need a truck. A big rig.

Sam Axe:
A truck? How am I supposed to find a big rig in Tampa?

Fiona Glenanne:
I don't know. Call one of your many friends. Steal it. I can't do everything, Sam.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] The key to breaching a building is getting inside quickly and dealing with the occupants before they have time to respond. When you can't use explosives, sometimes you have to get creative.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Shoot a propane tank and you'll just get a big cloud of cold gas. You need an open flame, and real good aim.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Remove the trigger bar spring from a SIG-Sauer P228, and you've got a 9mm semi-automatic door stop.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Corporations need spies just like governments do. Of course they're not called spies, they're called security consultants. They are basically mercenaries with nice suits.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] In some situations, a tactical retreat is your best option... A guy with a gun, is a guy with a gun. You can fight him and risk someone getting shot, or wait for back-up.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] One of the things you learn in training is to avoid situations that cut too close. If you had a rough childhood, a situation with an abusive father and a vulnerable kid is gonna make you angry. That could be motivating. But it can also be dangerous.

Michael Westen:
How's my Mom?

Sam Axe:
Locked up cozy and tight with a cigarette and a shotgun. Ready to kill anything that comes through the door.

Fiona Glenanne:
Doug is sleeping peacefully.

Michael Westen:
You gave him something?

Fiona Glenanne:
Maybe. Well half of something.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Just because there are no windows or doors doesn't mean there are no exits. The thing to look for is an air conditioner unit, that's where the wall is weakest. Also people watch doors, they don't watch air conditioners.

Michael Westen:
I can't talk about this now.

Fiona Glenanne:
Why not?

Michael Westen:
Because I have a hard time focusing when I'm in handcuffs!

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] It's impossible to stop a a good assassin from finding an opening, and taking the shot. The best you can do is to control where the best opening is, and sometimes, that's enough.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Assassination is one percent shooting, ninty-nine percent preparation: anticipating moves, devising approaches, recruiting sources, finding the perfect opportunity so the bullet's almost an after-thought. Usually that's when a target's on the move, when there are too many variables to control them all... There are ways to lessen the risk: an armed escort, taking an unpredictable route to your destination, having back-up in a trail car. But ultimately, as long as the assasin knows where you're going, they have the upper hand.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] A basic rule of covert ops, is let someone else do your dirty work. Let someone else find the guy you want to kill. It's a great technique... as long as you're not the someone else.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Facts are the hallmark of a good false identity. It's harder to create history, than it is to alter it. Plus, the more truth to your lie, the easier it is to remember.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] A fake identity is known in the spy trade as a "false flag". Used to be you could make your own documents with a printer and a laminater. These days though, ID's have magnetic strips, holigrams, and infrared water marks. You need a pro.

Doug Baker:
[ducking gunfire] Shouldn't we call the park rangers?

Michael Westen:
Unless the park rangers have been issued body armor and high-caliber weapons, we're on our own here.

Fiona Glenanne:
I say we hunt her down. Ammunition's cheap.

Jumbo:
I don't get much call for the good stuff anymore. Most of my business is just, you know, teenagers trying to get past a bouncer at a titty bar.

Michael Westen:
[as Jumbo swings his gun toward Fiona] She's pregnant! [Jumbo swivels back toward Michael, Fiona knocks the gun out of his hand, and the two run for it]

Fiona Glenanne:
Pregnant?

Michael Westen:
It worked...

Michael Westen:
Where is that box you used to keep all my stuff in?

Madeline Westen:
The memory box?

Michael Westen:
Sounds about right.

Madeline Westen:
I don't remember.

Evelyn:
I can't believe you found them so quickly. That's amazing.

Michael Westen:
My friend Sam may have bruised a couple of federal statutes along the way, but nothin' a gift-wrapped bottle of tequila can't smooth over.

Evelyn:
Know what I love about Miami? Besides you, of course. The cheap labor. You know, I can get a kid off the street to do a hit for about, hmmm, a grand. Well, if I flirt with him a little. Say, isn't that Lucy...?

Sam Axe:
[holding up a kevlar vest] Here you go, Doug: my lucky vest.

Michael Westen:
It'll look great over my shirt.

Doug Baker:
Thanks.

Sam Axe:
It's a little worn, but it'll do the trick.

Doug Baker:
Are these... bulletholes?

Sam Axe:
Yeah, I broke it in for you.

Sam Axe:
[on the kevlar vest] Just think of it as a precaution. It's like a seatbelt.

Fiona Glenanne:
Yeah, a seatbelt that smells like Old Spice and bourbon.

Evelyn:
Now, be honest with me: if circumstances were different... do you think we could...?

Michael Westen:
Not in this lifetime.

Evelyn:
Perhaps the next one. [she throws herself off the roof]

[repeated line]

Michael Westen:
Doug, I need you to stay away from the windows.

Michael Westen:
Did you ever think about leaving, mom?

Madeline Westen:
What?

Michael Westen:
Did it ever get bad enough with dad that you thought about leaving?

Madeline Westen:
[pause] Of course I did. I wanted to keep the family together, Michael. Through the good and the bad.

[Jumbo points a gun at Michael]

Jumbo:
The F.B.I. comes around every now and then, asking about you.

[He holds up a flyer with Michael's name and mug shot on it]

Jumbo:
This, uh, this is you, isn't it?

Michael Westen:
[leans close to the flyer and squints] Uh... kind of hard to tell from here.

[Jumbo holds a gun on Michael while calling the F.B.I]

Jumbo:
Look, pal, I'm as sorry about this as I can be, but a fellow like me doesn't stay in business long if he doesn't throw the F.B.I. a bone or two now and then. And let's face it, you're just a big old soup bone, aren't you?

Michael Westen:
I'm flattered.

Jumbo:
Yeah, you're gonna be my "no hassles for a year" ticket. [into phone] Yes, Agent Alleron, please. Just tell him it's Jumbo. [pause, then irritated] Well, how many Jumbos you think he knows?

Doug Baker:
[about being marked for death] I can't believe this. I'm a C.P.A., for Christ's sake!

Sam Axe:
A C.P.A. brought down Al Capone. There's a reason the Feds want you to testify.

Michael Westen:
How's it coming, Fi?

Fiona Glenanne:
[Making homemade explosives] Dangerous, unstable. Remind you of anyone?

Michael Westen:
[after intense Mexican standoff] Oh and Khan, tell your side-kick his safety's on.

Mr. Lee:
[surprised quickly checks his gun]

[Michael hands over two heavy bags of armaments, but henchman Mr. Lee drops them]

Michael Westen:
[wryly] Lift with the knees.

[first lines]

Sam Axe:
[close on Sam] Mike, I'm tellin' ya, don't do it.

Michael Westen:
[across the room] What, you don't like the belt buckle?

Sam Axe:
I'm not kidding around here. You gotta put a kibosh on this.

Michael Westen:
Sam, we talked about this.

Sam Axe:
[getting up] Well, maybe we didn't talk about it enough! You're workin' for the same sons of b*tches that burned you, Mike, and you're gonna meet with this... Vince guy?

Michael Westen:
Vaughn?

Sam Axe:
Vaughn. Good name for a vampire. I'm just sayin', I don't think you thought this through.

Michael Westen:
I don't love working with him, but what we're doing is important.

Sam Axe:
Why? Because Simon got out? OK, he was a bad guy.

[Michael shoots Sam a look like, "Remember the hotel bomb you and Fi had to defuse?"]

Sam Axe:
OK, a very bad guy! But he's stuck in a dungeon somewhere! Problem solved.

Michael Westen:
If it was just about Simon, maybe, but the guy who helped him escape has bigger plans.

Sam Axe:
I know you feel this is on your shoulders, but it's not your job to solve everything. Just walk away.

Michael Westen:
[softly] I got an innocent man burned for looking into this. If I stop now, I'll have ruined Jesse Porter's life for nothing.

Sam Axe:
[reluctantly] OK, fine.

[Michael moves to leave]

Sam Axe:
But I still think Vaughn is a vampire name!

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Housed in office utility rooms, a PBX is the phone switchboard for a whole company. Using a router with upgraded firmware, pros can hack them to make untraceable calls from the comfort of their own home. It's how spies get free long distance. Identifying the right line to bug on a PBX is as simple as matching call times from your records to those on the computer. Of course, if you have to comb through thousands of phone calls, it's easier said than done.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Everyone knows spies are good with languages and firearms, but they need to be great storytellers, too. If you can't keep a break-in secret, you have to get creative to cover your tracks. If a company's just laid off half its staff, no one asks many questions when it looks like an ex-employee broke in to make a mess.

Sam Axe:
You know, I'm a little hurt, Maddie. You never spruced the place up when I was here.

Madeline Westen:
That's because he's a *paying* renter, Sam, not someone who's going to detonate explosives in my solarium.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Wrap a metal chain around two powerlines and you complete a very powerful electrical circuit. It can get you arrested, but it's a good way to make a ruckus in a pinch.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Like engineers and wedding planners, spies obsess over details. If you always keep a lock with a logo facing *in* and suddenly you find it turned *out*, you've got a problem. When you know someone's about to get the drop on you, you can play it safe and walk away, or pretend nothing's wrong, go about your business, and get the drop on them.

Fiona Glenanne:
Not to be crass, but... have you considered shooting him?

Michael Westen:
Hey there, uh, can I talk to your boss?

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Quick and excruciating, few holds are more effective than a simple thumb lock. A little pressure on the right spot and your target will be learning how to hold a fork with a new hand.

Michael Westen:
He might want to ice that.

Sam Axe:
Did I mention I'm not a fan of running a mission with a kid we barely know?

Michael Westen:
Ten times.

Sam Axe:
I'm just sayin', these counterintel types, Mike, they're lone wolves, they're not team players.

Michael Westen:
This is Jesse's best shot at getting Khan off his back. He'll behave. Here we go, Sam.

Sam Axe:
OK, that's where Jesse's supposed to set up shop.

[Jesse shakes his head, thinking, "To hell with this," and goes over the wall and fence]

Michael Westen:
And yet he's still moving.

Sam Axe:
What the hell's he doin'?

Michael Westen:
[disappointed and annoyed] His version of the plan. Watch my back.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Like pro athletes, spies know that no amount of practice or planning simulates the adrenaline rush of real action. That's why you always have to be ready to adjust tactics on the fly. If a teammate suddenly decides to shoot at you to convince the bad guys you're enemies...

[Michael ducks aside as Jesse shoots once, the bullet going through his windshield, the driver's seatback, and out the back window]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] You go with the flow...

[Michael gets out and... ]

Michael Westen:
[narrative] And shoot back.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Whether it's in the field or a showroom, the most powerful move at the end of a sales pitch is just to walk away. It's an effective technique to close a deal, but it can also get you shot in the back.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] When using a street vehicle to haul serious weapons, some modifications are in order. Heavy-duty coil springs are used by dune buggies to race across the desert. Add them to your suspension system and you can hit a few potholes without snapping an axle. A strut brace over your engine stabilizes your center of gravity. And nothing helps with a fast getaway like a nitrous oxide tank connected to your fuel injector.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Spies know the most distrusting people are often the easiest to manipulate. If you want someone to drive around with a trunk full of illegal weapons, just insist on doing it yourself.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] If you find yourself in a high speed pursuit while driving in a caravan, you don't always have to be faster than the cops; you just have to be faster than the guy next to you. Of course, it helps if you *are* faster than the cops.

Michael Westen:
[narrative] Few things are more dangerous than passing a message in plain view of hostiles. To do it, you need a reason to get close to someone, you don't get to be choosy about how.

[last lines]

[Michael has just offered to help Jesse with his burned status]

Jesse Porter:
But before I let you in on this, I need to tell you somethin': I'm seein' this through. One day, the old bosses are gonna welcome me back and they're gonna give me a commendation. I'll smile for the camera... but then I'm gonna find the person that ruined my life... and I'm gonna kill 'im. Are you good with that?

Michael Westen:
Yeah, I'm good with that.

Michael Westen:
[first lines - narration] In any operation, whether going into an embassy, or collecting debts for a bookie, it's important to layout a plan before you go into action. If you're going to disagree, it's best to get it out of the way before any shots are fired.

Madeline Westen:
You know Michael, I'd appreciate it if when you stopped by, it wasn't only to lose your police tail.

Michael Westen:
[noticing police car outside] Uh Oh, I gotta to take the over-the-roof and down-the-rain-gutter exit...

Sam Axe:
[recognizing Stacey] I remember you! You're the little boy with the girl name!

Stacey Conolly:
[auditor] The IRS does not allow classified deductions, Mr Axe. I'm disallowing this until the operation is made public. And then there's this...

[dangles pistol using his pencil]

Sam Axe:
Well, you wanted documentation of my trip to the Middle East. That's it, the gun. I got it off this guy that was... in this group we were targeting.

Stacey Conolly:
Ah, so you stole it.

Sam Axe:
Oh I didn't steal it - he was... done with it.

Stacey Conolly:
So it was a gift.

Sam Axe:
It's not a gift! There was this thing, and then... the gun didn't have an owner anymore.

Stacey Conolly:
[dawning realization] I'm just gonna mark that down as a windfall...

Michael Westen:
[to Fiona after she tosses Molotov cocktails] Fi, it looks like Fallujah down there!

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] But in the end, sometimes making an escape is just about being willing to do what the guy chasing you won't. Like jump off a building.

Michael Westen:
What're you doin', Mom?

Madeline Westen:
[smoking] Makin' a salad. I'm gettin' healthy.

Michael Westen:
Does the recipe call for cigarette ash?

Madeline Westen:
One mountain a day, Michael. That's what my yoga instructor says.

Michael Westen:
You never leave the house. Where are you meeting yogis?

Michael Westen:
Sam, I need you to come to the safe house.

Sam Axe:
Yeah, let me just put on some pants.

Michael Westen:
Come naked, just come now!

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] A drug cartel is a business. If killing a witness to protect a valued employee from jail time is the best way to keep making money, they'll do that. If it looks like that employee is testifying to the FBI though, they're just as happy to leave the witness alone and take care of their problem another way.

Bruce Gellman:
You have no idea who you're dealing with.

Michael Westen:
No, I read the article. Most of it anyway. Scary guys, drugs, guns. Did I miss something?

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] I love commuters. Anybody who drives the same route to work everyday, it's like they're doing all the work for you... and a punctual commuter, a guy who's in the same place every morning at the eight thirty-six am, it's almost too easy.

Michael Westen:
If they had any brains at all, they would put the word out there. You show up and someone makes a phone call.

Sophie Stagner:
You really think they would use kids at my school? Are you serious?

Michael Westen:
Yeah, that's what I would do.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Threaten any serious criminal organization and they're going to do one of two things: they'll send someone to make a deal... or they'll send someone to make a corpse. Either way you've got something to work with.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] When faced with a superior force, you can do two things: you can retreat quietly or you can attack with as much fanfare as possible.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Convincing a bully to back down is usually a matter of showing them you're not afraid of them. Of course, some bullies have guys with three fifty-seven magnums. Then you change tactics.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Approaching a spy in the middle of a job gives you a lot of leverage. They're playing a delicate game and the last thing they want is someone coming in and smashing their delicate game with a brick.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] When you go on the run, the first thing you do is lay down tracks in the opposite direction, but that only works if the bad guys find the trail and believe it's for real. Which means selling it. You need to put on a little show, make them feel clever. When you make somebody work to get a piece of information they'll believe it that much more because it's hard to get.

Sophie Stagner:
What are we supposed to do in Buffalo?

Michael Westen:
Same thing you do here, there are malls... and clothing stores.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Faking a surveillance video has come a long way, it use to be slaving over a VHS tape with a razor blade. Now it's a few hours and a computer.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Asking my mom for anything is a lot like getting a favour from a Russian mob boss. He'll give you what you want with a smile, but believe me, you'll pay for it.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] Basic rule of bodyguarding, never fight with the protectee around, mostly because if they happen to catch a stray bullet, you just lost your job.

Sam Axe:
Check this out, Mike. Guns of steel!

Michael Westen:
Well, I'll tell you what, if there's a situation that requires showing off your upper body and boozy flirting, you're my guy.

Sophie Stagner:
It's a freaking garage. I'd rather be killed than live here.

Michael Westen:
Well, those are your two options.

Sophie Stagner:
[about the boy she likes] So you're saying that if we're meant to be together that we'll find each other?

Michael Westen:
Sure.

Sophie Stagner:
You're really bad at this.

Michael Westen:
Yeah.

Michael Westen:
[voice-over] International conferences attract spies for the same reason hotel bars attract hookers. You can do business and drink for free.

Fiona Glenanne:
Michael would change his identity and disappear to get out of a parking ticket.

Michael Westen:
[voiceover] My father's approach to machinery was similar to his approach to his family: If you don't like how something works, keep banging on it till it does what you want. If something doesn't fit, force it. And above all, make sure it looks good on the outside.

Cara Stagner:
Michael, can't we just tell them I won't testify? I don't care...

Michael Westen:
No. Once they send guys to your house to kill you, you're past the "I promise not to tell" stage.

Sophie Stagner:
So we're supposed to stay in here... in the garage and do nothing?