Buzz Lightyear of Star Command

Buzz:
There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere...

Buzz:
To infinity and beyond!

Buzz:
I hereby commandeer this vehicle in the name of Star Command. I guess you could say I'm Star Command-eering.

Mira Nova:
Buzz, the three of us know you're innocent, so there is no...

XR:
[hysterical] Why'd you do it, Buzz? Just tell me why! Money? Power? Revenge?

XR:
Unless the clouds are just gonna open up and drop Buzz Lightyear into our laps- [Buzz falls down from and lands on the windshield of 42, stares in at his shocked teammates, then hops off]

Mira Nova:
Please tell me I'm not the only one who just saw that.

XR:
Why didn't I ask for money?

NOS-4-A2:
Face it, Lightyear, your plant pants are no match for my power!

Cosmo:
My affordable and friendly eatery has been taken over by the dark forces of the evil!

Buzz:
Excuse me, professor, I work for Star Command, not Star Suggestion.

XR:
Oh, nice job, people. My head made it on board, but my torso didn't make the connecting flight!

Professor Triffid:
A house that's tightly sealed doesn't survive the tornado.

Buzz:
Now don't you worry, Professor Triffid, we don't get twisters on Star Command, that's why we put it in space.

XR:
Oh, someone's about to get a swift kick in the pansy.

NOS-4-A2:
Hear me, little one, NOS-4-A2 calls to you.

XR:
My Dark Master...

[stops]

XR:
I thought I deleted that file.

Booster:
We're gonna crash!

Buzz:
Ranger, change that attitude right now. Buzz Lightyear does not crash. It's just an unscheduled landing.

XR:
Yeah, but, it's dangerous out there. One false move and someone could be blown to bits - maybe me!

Buzz:
That's why it up to you.

[Buzz's team sets out to rescue him from a radioactive environment]

XR:
[shouts quickly] To the surface of a deadly poisonous planet, and beyond!

[Buzz is trying to rescue a young woman from a very stormy planet]

Buzz:
We're out of here!

Young woman:
Wait! I can't leave without my cat! She's back at the laboratory!

Buzz:
A cat?

[He flies back to the planet, and we cut to XR and Booster in the team's rocket]

XR:
Awww, noooo! Never go back for the cat!

Booster:
You gotta go back for the cat! It's like a rule.

Buzz:
Guess you need to recalibrate your calculator.

XR:
Yes, but first I have to recalculate my calibrator.

XR:
Here's the thing, Buzz, not that I would ever question your navigational skills, you're Buzz! Haha, but maybe you should slow down.

Buzz:
Slow down?

XR:
Yeah! You know, brake, decelerate, whatever. Don't go so fast, avoid crashing.

Buzz:
This isn't crashing. This is surprising.

Gravitina, Sally:
Why must the cute ones be such bimbos?

XR:
I write a romantic love letter and he follows up with clams? I throw up my hands!

Buzz Lightyear:
[at the spaceship consol following the comet, with the frozen Cooley] Now, we'll just move that just the littlest bit to the right.

[hand grabs him]

Buzz Lightyear:
Ahhhh!... You're not dead! OK, all right. Just hold on there buddy.

[activates heat beam on Cooley]

Wild Bill Cooley:
[thaws out] Ow! Ow! Stop it! Stop it! Melt the ice genious, not me.

Buzz Lightyear:
[very confused] Who are you?

Wild Bill Cooley:
Cooley. Friends call me Wild Bill.

Buzz:
That was close. Lucky for us XR's a sucker for hair care products.

XR:
Cream rinse, double cool!

Buzz:
I hate it when a promising rookie turns out to be five tiny terrorists in a promising rookie suit.

Buzz:
Although legal on this planet, I find it unseemly for a Space Ranger to participate in a game of chance.

XR:
Oh, chance doesn't enter into it - I'm cheating!

[Buzz is admiring an animatronic Buzz]

Buzz:
Wow, they really nailed the details.

Animatronic Buzz Lightyear:
To infinity, and back again!

Buzz:
Most of the details.

[Buzz has just been brushed off by a snooty king]

Buzz:
Something just isn't right.

Booster:
Rudeness is never right.

Buzz:
I'm talking Ranger instinct!

[He lowers his voice]

Buzz:
That thing that makes my eyes go squinty, makes my voice go soft and hush with understated intensity...

XR:
Ranger log, operation check on the mystery cargo. Mystery cargo status: still here, still mysterious, still... well, that about does it.

NOS-4-A2:
I am NOS-4-A2, I cannot be defeated! It's not in my programming!

Warp Darkmatter:
In case you didn't notice, that box does some amazing stuff. Maybe I could use a box like that?

Zurg:
Darkmatter, it's a box of doom, it's not for you.

XR:
None dare defy my dark master!

Buzz Lightyear:
Ranger, you are not helping your service record.

Emperor Zurg:
Lightyear's losing? He's doing this on purpose just to annoy me! Go back and fight, you ninny! What kind of space hero are you?

Buzz:
We ditched 'em. So far, so good.

XR:
Beg to differ, but I really think "so far, so bad" is much more accurate here.

Mira:
Um, was that the top of Zurg's palace?

XR:
They're firing buildings at us?

Buzz:
Your days of terror are over, XL.

XL:
I guess that's OK, as long I still have my evenings and weekends of terror.

Buzz:
[into his communication watch] Lightyear here.

XR:
M-Momma bird, do you copy?

Buzz:
XR, is that you?

XR:
Eek! Ix-nay on the X-R-ay, Uzz-bay. We're in enemy erritory-tay.

Buzz:
This is a restricted alliance comm channel, XR. You don't need code.

XR:
Yeah, but it's un-fay.

Buzz:
XR, I've got a plan, but it requires you to be very annoying.

Mira:
Yeah, I think he can handle that.

Buzz:
[invisible] Follow me, princess

Mira:
Yeah, I can't see you.

Buzz:
Here, grab my hand. [pause] That's my nose, princess.

XR:
We could really use a plan here.

Booster:
Come on, guys, let's put our heads together!

Mira Nova:
Yeah, it was only a matter of time before someone said that.

Mira Nova:
Buzz, you are never gonna guess what happened.

Buzz Lightyear:
Does it involve a matter transport device and three overly competitive rookies?

Booster:
At least I have a last name, XR!

XR:
What's wrong with R? Short, but sweet, like me.

XR:
Here's a tip for a young fella like you: ease up on the scallions at lunch.

[Evil Emperor Zurg has just taken over the planet Roswell. He plants a flag]

Evil Emperor Zurg:
I hereby declare this, Planet Z East! [to his robots] You may enslave the population! Women and children first! I'm an equal opportunity enslaver!

Evil Emperor Zurg:
Lower it!

Grub:
Er, lower what, sir?

Evil Emperor Zurg:
It! It! Oh, you know! The crystalic self-perpetuating breeder construction core!

Grub:
[nods] Oh, yes! Excellent, my evil emperor!

Evil Emperor Zurg:
And can't you come up with a shorter name for it? Like "Evil takeover thingie?"

Grub:
In test markets, four out of five victims surveyed were more frightened by big words!

Evil Emperor Zurg:
Fine, fine, fine! Let the suits have their way.

Evil Emperor Zurg:
[looking over his building plans] Oh, for goodness sake! *Don't* put a trash compactor in it! When the heroes get trapped inside a trash compactor, they always have time to find a way out. Make it an incinerator instead!

Buzz Lightyear:
[observing Zurg's mega-weapon through his binoculars] The Crystallic Self-Perpetuating Breeder Construction Core!

General:
Those are big words! I'm frightened!

Buzz Lightyear:
Don't be, it's just evil marketing.

General:
Is there anyway to stop it?

Buzz Lightyear:
No, General. Marketing is the one force in the universe that is stronger than...

General:
No, no! I meant the big evil takeover thingie!

Buzz Lightyear:
Oh... There we might have a chance if we can breach the core and pull out the crystallic fusion rods.

General:
[cringes] More big frightening words!

Commander Nebula:
Then what are we gonna do?

LGM:
Uh, hyper die?

XR:
I'm not certified on a laser drill.

Booster:
You took the certification test last month!

XR:
And I failed. Did you know that spelling actually counts? Spelling! And neatness.

Buzz:
You know me, Mira, I always have a plan.

Mira:
Okay, Buzz, I'm inside your head, and you've got zip!

Buzz:
She's there. And worse, they know she's there.

XR:
But do they know that we know that they know that she's there. What? It's a legitimate question.

XR:
Buzz, I'm taking tombstone requests, can I put you down for a simple "Rest in peace" or would you prefer "No biggy"?

Zurg:
Ah! Ah! The blobs are coming! The Blobs are coming!

XR:
Yeah, but don't forget, there's a bright spot to all this!

Booster:
Really? What?

XR:
How should I know, I count you for the bright spot, that's your thing.

XR:
[crying hysterically] Oh! We're Lost! Lost without Buzz!

[His helmet is filling up with tears]

XR:
Adrift in the vast void of defeat and despair!

Commander Nebula:
At ease there, rookie, you'll short out your electrodes.

XR:
[after his arm gets blasted off] Oh, that's the third arm this month!

XR:
As you know, normally I'm not one to panic, primarily because Buzz always comes to the rescue. But we're currently fighting Buzz, so who's coming to the rescue? [panicking]

XR:
One thing I can't stand is gambling! I'll lay you seven to one odds there's no more poker after tonight.

Buzz Lightyear:
NOS-4-A2 is back. Mira, XR, check for points of entry. Booster, search for the other victims. I'll go save Ty. [laughs] I'll go tell Ty, woops.

XR:
Boy, are my batteries packed with energy. Yes, why, I can't remember when I have ever felt so energized! I could just keep going and going and going and going! Oh, boy. Do I have energy here!

Buzz Lightyear:
Try to sound a little less like bait.

XR:
I can't believe it, my own flesh and blood!

Commander Nebula:
What flesh? What blood? You're a machine!

Buzz:
Gravitina, you're a very, very, ...er... evil lady, but somewhere there's a fella who thinks evil and a great big head are just about the best things a girl could have.

Gravitina:
Really?

Buzz:
Well sure. Someday Gravitina when they finally let him out of that little room that they've got him locked up in, he'll move the heavens to find ya . That's how love is.

(Gently puts his hand under her chin)

In the meantime keep that pretty little nose of yours clean.