Degrassi: The Next Generation

Paige:
I saw better dancing at Heather Sinclair's grade three sock hop.

Liberty:
Some advice: Find a dictionary and look up "pathetic".

Ellie:
Guys suck, Ashley. They enjoy messing with our feelings - and then sticking us with the rent.

Ashley:
It's just been one disaster after another after another. That school is cursed.

Spinner:
Being an idiot is OK sometimes.

Manny:
Liberty sees an opportunity. She goes for it. She's like a rabid wolverine.

JT:
Teachers aren't people; they're... teachers.

Paige:
Even I'm amazed at my brilliance.

Alex:
I don't play well with others.

Spinner:
Man, any more bitter and she'd be a lemon.

Marco:
Come on, man. A little romance is not gonna kill ya.

Manny:
Liberty's losing her math. It must be love.

Craig:
Why are they teaching us about soil erosion? I'm not a farmer, I'm never gonna be a farmer.

Toby:
Just what the country needs - more J.T.

Liberty:
Emma lives for stabbing you in the back, ripping out your heart and then stomping it bloodless with her pointy ballerina feet.

Ashley:
I broke all my fingers. In a freak... a freak cupboard-closing incident.

Paige:
A big romantic with a disposable income. The best kind.

Liberty:
You never stop surprising me, J.T. You're normally such - how do I put this nicely? - a slob.

Ashley:
This is gonna be the best year ever!

Emma:
Let's declare the revolution begun. To heck with guys!

Craig:
No lip, or I'll smother you in sweat.

Marco:
Spin, stop being a drama queen, OK?

Liberty:
Jealousy's really ugly, Emma.

Alex:
It's OK to be single for twenty minutes.

Paige:
Four years of high school. Will you spend them cool with us? Or as a social loser outcast with her? You decide.

Dean:
Come on, Spirit. We had fun.

Paige:
Fun? You call what you did to me FUN?

Paige:
This is my school, and I don't want to see you or talk to you again.

Mohammed:
Hey it's the More of Everything Girl! I think you should join the sumo team. Seriously.

Terri:
Hey! Most girls on the planet look like this, so get used to it!

Paige:
No kidding.

Terri:
I made 500 bucks today as a plus-sized model! Yeah, plus-sized! What do you make, ice cream boy?

Ashley:
Yolanda stared into the soul of the eclipse, and saw the world for what it was: a shadow of black, empty, dissapearing, nothingness.

Alex:
We'll ask the crowd at the assembly tomorrow... who would they rather vote for? The freak... or the queer. By the way, I'm the freak.

Joey:
I don't want her to go.

Kevin Smith:
Even in my own films I don't get the girl. I get Jay, and sometimes a monkey.

Kevin Smith:
Spinner, the only thing I know is that making a movie with a bunch of high school kids is worse than making a movie with Ben Affleck... way worse.

Kevin Smith:
Wow... I must be the worst kisser in the world.

Caitlin:
Kevin, no...

Kevin Smith:
I've got to set up the next shot.

Kevin Smith:
[hurrying away] Hey, uh... Mewes!

Jay:
You are the ones who are the filthy potty mouths!

Craig:
[manic, seeing Kevin Smith and Joey on TV] I know that guy, eh! Kevin. Kevin Smith, I'm writing a song for his movie.

Kevin Smith:
[dismissing J.T] Go. Adults are talking.

Kevin Smith:
I'm trying to get the Canadian flag into every shot because I'm a really big fan of the Canadian flag. So was Mewes until he figured out it was a maple leaf... instead of the wacky.

Terri:
Why do you have to be so mean?

Paige:
I'm not mean, I'm right.

Manny:
Why are you trying to hurt me?

Toby:
I got those condoms because if I ever did want to do that with Kendra... which I'm not saying I do... I'd wanna take care of her.

Spinner:
So you live another day.

Emma:
I think I've sustained enough head injuries for one day.

Craig:
I'm fine.

Joey:
No one is fine after losing someone. I wasn't there with your mom. I just think the pain's gonna catch up to you.

Marco:
Even strangers know, Spin. And last night wasn't about my shoes. Those guys, they knew... and they bashed me because they hated it, just like you do.

Spinner:
Dude, that's brutal, but you can't compare me to those guys.

Marco:
Really? Why not?

Marco:
OK, what did you write on the card?

Craig:
Okkkk, you ARE a girl.

Ashley:
Craig, I asked you here because I need to talk to you.

Craig:
Great, every guy's favorite words

Manny:
One last thing. Do not talk about the environment. The environment is not sexy. Do NOT talk about it.

Paige:
Hello oldest friend and fabulous boyfriend? What on earth are you talking about?

Marco:
You know, Alex, I can pick my Vice President...

Alex:
And I can pick my nose.

Craig:
For once I wanna do the right thing... you know

Spinner:
But you don't have to keep the kid... there are other things you can do

Craig:
This is what I want to do Spin... you don't get it

Spinner:
No I don't... at all

Craig:
You got a family... I just stay at some guys house... but manny and the baby... their mine... their for me

Craig:
And who says money can't buy you happiness

Paige:
[referring to Hazel celebrating Ramadan] Christmas could learn a thing or two from Ramadan. After all that food, I could use a fast!

Hazel:
Paige, I just saw Spinner. He was completely out of line.

Paige:
[crying] It wasn't what I thought, you know? First time, I thought it would be beautiful or something. It's so stupid.

Hazel:
It's not stupid

Paige:
Those shoes, I wanted it to work. I wanted him to want to be with me.

Hazel:
He did want to be with you.

Paige:
Yea, sure.

Hazel:
He'll call you. You don't have to worry.

Paige:
I didn't even want to do it Hazel. I said No, over and over and over.

Hazel:
You said no? and he didn't listen?

Paige:
He just pushed me down, harder, and he wouldn't stop. He just wouldn't stop.

Hazel:
Paige, Honey. If you said no, that's rape.

Dean's Friend:
He's a little old for you.

Paige:
And you're a little jealous.

Paige:
What are you looking at?

Dean:
Your eyes. Are they green or blue?

Paige:
It depends on the light.

Dean:
They are the most amazing colored eyes I've ever seen. You're very beautiful.

Spinner:
Paige.

Paige:
Hey spin.

Spinner:
How's your Grandma?

Paige:
What?

Spinner:
You know, you're grandma. The one who was sick on saterday night.

Paige:
Oh, she's ok, thanks.

Spinner:
And Dean, How's he doing? I know what happened, ok?

Paige:
Yea, were you in th room with me? because I don't think you were.

[Paige walks away, Spinner grabs her arm to turn her around]

Spinner:
You lied to me.

Paige:
Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me.

Spinner:
Why not? Everyone else does.

[Paige slaps spinner in the face and goes into the girl's bathroom]

Spinner:
Paige, what's going on?

Paige:
Nothing.

Spinner:
J.T in a mascot outfit attacking Dean. That's not nothing Paige.

[Paige turns around to walk away and Spinner grabs her arm to turn her around]

Paige:
[crying] Spin, can you please?

Spinner:
He took it too far, like Hazel said, right? Didn't he?

JT:
Paige. Help. I'm stuck in a box.

Paige:
Does it say, "Caution: Freak inside?"

Hazel:
We should go see that movie again, even though I don't really like subtitles.

Paige:
Yeah, they involve reading.

Craig:
Somethin' 'bout the way you shine / When the lights go out / I wanna make you mine / Somethin' 'bout the way it seems / You're always here in my dreams / When there's no one there / No, I'm not scared / But I'm in love / With you

Spinner:
Then stop being gay.

Marco:
Oh right Spin I'm just gonna go do that.

Marco:
Ellie, I'm gay. And you and me...

Ellie:
Will always just be friends.

Dylan:
What is this, hug the homo day?

Joey:
I know that you thought The Zits were a joke...

Caitlin:
I did not!

Joey:
But if we had some guidance back then, maybe things would have been different.

Caitlin:
And maybe if you'd written more than one song.

Paige:
So, what, you're just forgiving creep boy for beating you up?

Terri:
He apologized.

Paige:
Of course... his kind always does, so they can get another shot in at you.

Rick Murray:
One, you have no right to dictate who Terri's friends are, and, two, you're a vicious backstabber.

Paige:
Oh I'm vicious.

Rick Murray:
Everything you say is a judgment... you think you're so perfect.

Paige:
What?... well I'd rather be that than a psycho...

Jimmy:
You don't know what you're saying... it's not you, it's the drugs.

Ashley:
Oh, yeah, keep going, dad... keep telling me who I am.

Jimmy:
Ash... look.

Ashley:
No, no... this is why me and Sean... he gets me.

Ashley:
Jimmy, you just don't have what Sean has, and you never will... you're just not enough for me...

Spinner:
What are you doing? Terri's in the hospital and you're just sitting here.

Rick Murray:
Spinner, stop, please.

Spinner:
Oh, did Terri tell you stop? Did you listen?

Ashley:
You know, you guys should try going a little more post-Emo. Still punk, but less mopey.

Craig:
I don't think the other guys even know what regular Emo is. Spinner probably thinks it's a muppet.

Ashley:
Listen, I didn't mean to be all weird yesterday.

Craig:
You weren't weird. You just ignored me... which I guess is sort of weird. Sorry, now I'm being weird.

Craig:
Well, my freak of a dad left me this check for 10 grand in his will.

Ashley:
Are you serious?

Craig:
Yeah, the guy is half eaten by worms and he's still trying to buy me. Pathetic.

Paige:
What you did to me changed my life. I still can't sleep without my light on. Sometimes I even look under the bed to make sure you're not there. Dean, I made a mistake going upstairs with you, but you made more than a mistake. You made a choice.

Kevin Smith:
[talking to Craig about girl trouble] I'm a fat guy from New Jersey, I've had girl trouble.

Danny Van Zandt:
[when Manny finds out Danny is her computerized match for the date] Oh, Manuela.

Manny:
I used to babysit you.

Danny Van Zandt:
So let's take it to the next level.

Jay:
Oh, Snap, Silent Bob! Canadian Ninja's. Hip Hip *doogin*! [pulls samurai sword out]

Paige:
New year, new look, new Paige.

Clare Edwards:
What are you doing here?

Eli Goldsworthy:
Hi Eli, how are you? Fine Clare thanks for asking.

Clare Edwards:
Hi!

Bianca DeSousa:
Highschool sucks. Spend time with people here who don't.

Jimmy:
Our homie is a player, and that is all. So why'd you have to go and kick his

Spinner:
Ball and chain, ain't that ya name? Cause you a playa hater, and that's a shame.

Jimmy:
And chicks like you ain't worth too much, so shut up girl

Spinner, Jimmy:
And make my lunch! Yeeeeaaaah!

Ellie:
I was thinking, we need a pet. A dog or a ferret.

Sean Cameron:
I thought you stopped cutting.

Ellie:
I did. I just didn't want to leave it there. [pauses] I wouldn't lie to you about this.

Sean Cameron:
You don't seem scared of me.

Ellie:
Nope. You don't seem freaked by me.

Sean Cameron:
Nope.

Ashley:
Hey Jimmy!

Jimmy:
Don't talk to me, you slut.

Ashley:
What did you say?

Jimmy:
That's the word for girls who cheat on their boyfriends.

Ashley:
You're not my boyfriend.

Jimmy:
Well I was last year when you messed around with Sean, and now you want to go and do it all over again?

Spinner:
I can't, man. My bat... it's wooden.

Jimmy:
Sorry, my ears were plugged this morning. Sorry?

Spinner:
I have a boner.

Jimmy:
Oh.

Spinner:
And it's been like this all week. A girl walks by and just, bam! It's all because of Emma's stupid science fair project.

Jimmy:
What does the project have to do with it?

Spinner:
She made me eat granola and fruit.

Jimmy:
Bananas don't give you boners. Hormones do.

Spinner:
All I know is that I ate some healthy food and now I'm like, a sex Superman.

JT:
Hey Liberty, girlfriend!

Craig:
[to Marco] So when it doubt you kiss Craig?

Manny:
I'm going to be an actress. Like, Academy Award winning. And you can sell this for a million dollars 'cause I'm going to be famous!

Spinner:
In the bathroom after we dumped that stuff on Rick, me and Jay... told him you were behind it.

Jimmy:
And then he shot me.

Sean Cameron:
Poetry is crime. No idea how to rhyme. Stupid waste of time.

Ms. Laura Kwan:
A poem about hating poetry?

Paige:
Ask questions first. Get naked later.

Craig:
[Craig tries to give Manny a hug] There she is!

Manny:
Don't, Craig.

Craig:
What's the matter?

Manny:
I can't do this... I thought I could, but having a baby now...

Craig:
You're not making any sense.

Manny:
Someday, you're gonna be a great dad. And someday, I hope I'll be a mom, but now... now isn't someday yet.

[she starts walking away]

Craig:
[Craig runs after her] "No! No, you're not. Manny,

[shouts]

Craig:
stop! No I won't let you!"

[he grabs her arm]

Manny:
No!

Emma:
[Emma comes] Craig!

Craig:
Emma! You butt out! What she's doing is wrong!

Emma:
I agree with you, okay? If she was just some stranger I'd be *furious* with her but, she's my friend and it's her choice.

Craig:
But it's my baby!

Emma:
And it's Manny's body! What about her?

Manny:
I just... I can't.

Craig:
[through the baby monitor] Ew! I'm not touching that!

Manny:
You have to wipe it!

Craig:
But... it's green!

Manny:
You shouldn't hold him like that until his diaper is...

Craig:
Oh, no! Oh, nooooo! Oh, no-no-no-no-no! Ohhhhhhh! Crap!

Craig:
Have you seen Manny?

Spinner:
No, uh, seat's open though. Can I ask you a question, dude?

Craig:
Sure.

Spinner:
[smacks Craig] Are you on crack?

Craig:
Ow! What was that for?

Spinner:
Dude, you got a girl pregnant and you're just walking around like lalala gonna be a dad no shlabooggle.

Craig:
No, I'm not.

Spinner:
Where's your future, dude? I mean no keg parties, no Spring Break in Florida...

Craig:
For once I want to do the right thing, ya know?

Craig:
But you don't have to keep the kid. There are other things you can do.

Craig:
This is what I want to do Spin. You don't get it.

Spinner:
No, I don't. At all.

Craig:
You got a family, alright? I just stay at some guy's house. But Manny and the baby... they're mine. They're for me.

Liberty:
[in her '50s outfit] Hey Sean, what do you say we ditch school and go chill in the ravine?

Sean Cameron:
Liberty...

Liberty:
I can get us a five-finger discount on a pack of smokes.

Jay Hogart:
[laughs] A five-finger discount?

Liberty:
Oh I'm edgy, I'm on fire.

Sean Cameron:
Liberty, you're about as edgy as a butter knife.

[walks up to Manny and Craig]

Ashley:
What you reading guys?

[grabs baby name book from Craig]

Ashley:
So you need a name...

Ashley:
Hey everybody these two have an announcement to make guys! Guys aww... they're too modest. So I'll help spread the joy. These two idiots are pregnant. That's right 'cause it's way too difficult to use a condom! I can't believe you slept with her.

Jimmy:
Your friend's gay, stop hating and just deal.

Emma:
I have NO chance with Chris! It's like he's on a different planet or something. A COOL planet. I'm on planet White Dork.

Marco:
No. Seeing naked ladies doesn't burn my eyes out. Besides, I wasn't looking at them.

Spinner:
Then what were you looking at?

Marco:
The drapes, Spin, the drapes.

[Spinner still doesn't get it]

Jimmy:
...He was looking at the DUDES.

Marco:
Just because you're a guy, doesn't mean I'm automatically attracted to you. Are you attracted to every girl?

Spinner:
If they're hot.

Marco:
Well... you're not.

Spinner:
See that's where you're off-base. I mean, let's agree to disagree.

Marco:
Your hair? It's so last year, buddy. Your shoes? They never match... to tell you the truth, you're not even cute.

Manny:
One more thing: no talking about the environment, the environment is not sexy, do not talk about it.

Emma:
You don't wanna be friends...

Manny:
Not with a stuck-up prude princess.

Emma:
Good, 'cause... I don't want to be friends with the school slut.

Spinner:
I need to sleep in your bed

Jimmy:
Spin, I like you, but not like that.

Danny Van Zandt:
[when Manny finds out Danny is her computerized match for the dance] Oh, Manuela...

Manny:
I used to babysit you.

Danny Van Zandt:
So let's take it to the next level.

Craig:
So, a lot has been going on in my head lately, including thinking about last year.

Manny:
Craig, it's okay.

Craig:
No, it's not okay. I've made a lot of mistakes since coming here, but you were probably the biggest.

Sean Cameron:
Why spend more time at school than you already have to?

Toby Isaacs:
You're going out for basketball.

Sean Cameron:
My social worker says it's beneficial. Personally, I couldn't give a rat's ...

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
[running into the room] Class!

Manny Santos:
I used to be crazy for Craig but he's just so yesterday.

Paige:
Ter, we should totally hook up for the cabaret.

Terri:
I'm already doing a duo with Ash. Two Girls and a Keyboard.

Paige:
Hun, that sounds lamer than Heather Sinclair's highland sword dance.

Jimmy:
We are guys. Ergo we don't talk about our sex lives.

Spinner:
Well, hair grow, at least you have something to not talk about.

Ellie Nash:
Are we just... friends?

Marco Del Rossi:
Ellie, I like you... a lot. And I mean, you like me too, right?

[Ellie nods]

Marco Del Rossi:
So let's go out. On a real date.

Ellie Nash:
You're serious?

Marco Del Rossi:
Yeah, totally.

[Ellie hugs a worried looking Marco]

[Ellie kisses Marco]

Ellie Nash:
Sorry.

Marco Del Rossi:
No, that was great.

[Ellie kisses him again]

Ellie Nash:
You're shaking. Should we go downstairs?

Marco Del Rossi:
No, I want to be here.

[They kiss again but Marco pulls away]

Ellie Nash:
Could've fooled me.

Marco Del Rossi:
Ellie, I like you and I want to kiss you.

Ellie Nash:
Then kiss me. Am I doing something wrong?

Marco Del Rossi:
No, Ellie. You're perfect.

Ellie Nash:
But you don't think that I'm attractive.

Marco Del Rossi:
You're beautiful.

Ellie Nash:
That's not what I mean. Do you think I'm... hot? [Long pause] It's a simple question. Do you like girls... at all?

Marco Del Rossi:
Ellie, I want to.

Ellie Nash:
And I want you to so much, but if you can't it's not fair to leave me hanging. Please. Please would you tell me?

Marco Del Rossi:
[sounding upset] Ellie, I don't know! Ellie... I'm just, I'm trying. I am, but I'm just so confused.

JT:
Aww... Did Emma pee her pants?

Emma:
No. I just started my period. Something that happens to... oh... 50% of the population.

[Derek sees Mr Perino standing at the bus stop]

Derek Haig:
Hey Mr Perino.

Mr. Dom Perino:
Derek.

Derek Haig:
Something wrong with your car?

Mr. Dom Perino:
Why? Did you do something to it?

Derek Haig:
No. I just thought... bus stop.

Mr. Dom Perino:
What, no funny jokes? You're not much of a comedian outside of class, are you?

Derek Haig:
I'm sorry.

Mr. Dom Perino:
Don't pull that innocent act with me.

Derek Haig:
Uh, I think I'm gonna walk home.

[Derek starts to leave but Mr Perino stands in front of him]

Mr. Dom Perino:
Let me make myself clear. Show me some respect or we've got a serious problem, understood?

[Derek walks away looking shaken]

Liberty:
JT, you never stop surprising me. I mean normally, you're such a... slob.

JT:
Great. First you blackmail me into making you a skirt and then you insult me.

Rick Murray:
She called me a psycho.

Terri:
That's just Paige being Paige.

Rick Murray:
And that makes it okay? My feelings mean nothing to you?

Terri:
Woah. Rick....

Rick Murray:
Don't you dare choose Paige over me again! Don't you DARE.

[about Taming of the Shrew]

Ashley:
It's about breaking a person. Their spirit. Taming them. Making them into someone they aren't. Making them into a lesser version of themselves.

Spinner:
[trying to get tickets to a concert] What about you, Marco? Your mom's in the music biz.

Marco:
She teaches piano, Spinner,

[Spinner farts]

Marco:
Awwww! Aww man you're sick!

Craig:
Spinner! Not in the car!

Spinner:
Sorry, excitement makes me fart.

Spinner:
Because we are going to party!

Craig:
No party, Spin.

Spinner:
Girls?

Craig:
No girls.

Spinner:
Booze?

Craig:
No booze.

Spinner:
Donuts?

Craig:
That we can do!

Sean Cameron:
Shut up.

Spinner:
No, you shut up.

Sean Cameron:
You shut up.

Spinner:
Shut up.

Sean Cameron:
Shut up.

Spinner:
You shut up.

Craig:
Why don't you both shut up?

Emma:
So what did you guys do last night?

JT:
Just imagine the worst night ever and then multiply it by eternity

Liberty:
Emma, are you really gonna let a couple of prepubescebt boys dictate your amusement?

Spinner:
Hey. Um, listen man, about the hospital...

Jimmy:
Wheels. Chair. It's a wheelchair. Gawk all you want, it's not going away.

Spinner:
Dude, I would have come, but things got crazy around here and you know how it is.

Jimmy:
I understand. I probably should have been there with you instead of at the hospital getting a bullet removed from my spine. My bad.

Paige:
New year, new look, new Paige!

Toby:
So, ready for Day 1 of the rest of our junior high lives?

Emma:
Craig! What are you doing right now?

Craig:
I'm going to art class.

Emma:
Do you really wanna go?

Craig:
Instead of...?

Emma:
Finding my father. I've got his address.

[Craig looks uncertain]

Emma:
Sean won't go. Manny's mom would kill her if she skipped.

Craig:
Oh, yeah, and what do you think Joey's gonna do to me?

Emma:
I can't go alone.

Craig:
But... why me? I mean, you could ask JT... or Toby.

Emma:
Because I thought you'd understand. With your dad and all.

[Craig smiles]

Craig:
So, what are we waiting for?

[looking at Degrassi High yearbook]

Craig:
Oh My God. It's Joey! With hair!

Spinner:
C'mon JT, you'll love a locker in the main hallway. Do you like tough girls?

JT:
Mehh...

Spinner:
I said... Do you like tough girls?

JT:
Do I!

Shane:
This is my daughter, Emma. But, she doesn't love me.

Emma:
Why do you say that?

Shane:
She never visits me.

Emma:
Maybe because she couldn't find you, until now... I'm Emma!

Christine 'Spike' Nelson:
Where were you?

Emma:
Why didn't you tell me my dad was...

Christine 'Spike' Nelson:
His parents wouldn't let me!

Emma:
Then, why didn't you do something?

Christine 'Spike' Nelson:
I was 16!

JT:
Actually, I gave Liberty a really good driving lesson. She's uh, she's pretty handy with the ole' stick shift.

Principal Daniel Raditch:
Open your textbooks and your malleable little minds.

[JT has just had a wet dream]

Toby:
Who was it about?

JT:
Your mom.

Toby:
[JT, sleeping in the top bunk, has a wet dream about Liberty] You had a wet dream, three feet above my head?

Lawyer:
How many men have you had sex with, Ms. Michealchuk?

Prosecutor:
Objection!

Paige:
[defiantly] Actually, I'd like to answer that. That was my only time. And I wouldn't choose to lose my virginity upstairs, at a house party, with a guy I'd known for an hour.

[Paige is taking Spinner's shirt off]

Spinner:
What are you doing?

Paige:
What do you mean?

Spinner:
Paige!

Paige:
What? I'm easy! Everyone knows it. The judge, my mother, now you! Like Dean... just get me alone, do whatever you want. No one will stop you. What? You don't want me?

Spinner:
Not right now, no.

Paige:
Cause Dean got there first?

Spinner:
You have to let that go!

Paige:
You want me to just let it go? Like someone was rude or stole my seat at lunch.

Spinner:
No, that's not what I... I just, I want my girlfriend back. I want Paige back.

Paige:
You don't even know her.

Spinner:
That's stupid.

Paige:
The truth? Paige went upstairs that night. She never came back.

Spinner:
I get it. Polar bears are white; I'm white; and you're a racist.

[after watching Spinner practice dance moves]

Paige:
I've seen better dancing at Heather Sinclair's grade 3 sock hop.

Jimmy:
Okay, I'm not saying you can't dance 'cause you're white. I'm saying you can't dance 'cause you *suck*.

Spinner:
So I get it. I can't dance 'cause I'm white.

Jimmy:
No, you can't dance 'cause you suck.

Alanis Morisette/Principal:
[to Jay and Silent Bob] You boys are too bloody stupid to make the grade down in the States and your last hope is the school system of the great white north, eh? You want to get oot of grade 12?

[Silent Bob nods vigorously]

Alanis Morisette/Principal:
You better start learning what the metric system is all aboot!

Jay:
I've got three words for you. Go... to...

Alanis Morisette/Principal:
[smacks him across the jaw with a hockey stick] There'll be no more cuss words out of you, you potty-mouthed mallrats. You're gonna learn the dual languages of my home and native land, or you're gonna savor my poutine. 'Cuz you're in Canada now, eh?

Craig:
I'll be in the boiler room, I have some work to do.

Joey:
Now he and Ashley broke up, and you know what, he's been living in the Degrassi boiler room.

Manny:
Jay, if you really love me, you'll wait until I'm 18.

Jay:
What grade are you in?

Manny:
I'm a freshman

Jay:
Freshman? Are there *any* seniors here?

Kevin Smith:
In my movie, Kevin Smith gets to dance with Caitlin Ryan.

[Canadian ninjas appear and he and "Jay" must defend themselves]

Kevin Smith:
Degrassi, that's a wrap!

[last lines]

Kevin Smith:
Folks, I would like to raise a simple toast... to Degrassi!

Sean Cameron:
It's just a little fun. What'chu got against that?

Emma Nelson:
Nothing! I'm all about fun! I love fun! In fact, if fun were people, I would be China.

Mr. Del Rossi:
My back! It's thrown! Just leave me Marco, pretend I'm not here.

Marco Del Rossi:
Pretend there's not a 200-pound Italian man lying on my floor?

Marco:
Woah, Spin. You look like you lived through a country song.

Spinner:
My dog is fine. The truck runs too.

Emma:
Manny, that was awesome. Don't forget us when you're on Broadway! [hugs Manny]

Peter:
[hands Manny a tape] Show your agent. Maybe it'll help you get there.

Manny:
You taped it?

Peter:
Yeah. I used my powers for good this time!

Manny:
Thank you! [hugs Emma again]

Emma:
Manny, that was awesome. Don't forget us when you're on Broadway!

Peter:
[hands Manny a tape] Show your agent. Maybe it'll help you get there.

Manny:
You taped it?

Peter:
Yeah. I used my powers for good this time!

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
[morning after Paige has slept with Spinner, she is peppy] Wow, Paige, I hope we each get some of what's gotten into you!

Paige:
I'm not sure that's advisable, Mr. Simpson...

Craig:
You're every present I never got/

Ashley:
You're every wish that never came true/

Craig, Ashley:
You're every prayer that went unanswered/ So baby I'll spend Christmas

Craig:
With you

Ashley:
With you

Craig, Ashley:
So baby I'll spend Christmas with you.

Spinner:
What's it like being a stud?

Craig:
Nerve-wracking.

Spinner:
You have Ashley: gorgeous, smart, like a fine wine. Then you have Manny: cute, adorable, hot, like ice cream. But hot. Very hot.

Spinner:
Not to mention you're a big stud.

Craig:
Well, I get around.

Manny:
You're late, and I'm freezing. So you need to warm me up!

Craig:
I can do that.

Manny:
I want you to dump Ashley. It's time, and I've been patient. I can't...

Craig:
I can't make that choice.

Manny:
I think you just did.

Craig:
Manny, stop, come on...

Manny:
It's just, I love you Craig, and I thought you felt the same way.

Craig:
I do, it's just...

Manny:
Ashley, I know. And she might love you... But not as much as I do.

Craig:
Manny! I made a huge mistake. You're the one for me. Look, not Ash, and I'm gonna tell her that. OK, it's you. It's always been you.

Joey:
Caitlin. All those years ago, when I broke your heart, I thought I'd lost you forever.

Caitlin:
And, yet-here you are, standing in an airport with me on Christmas...

Joey:
When I broke your heart those years ago, I thought I lost you forever, and I moved on.

Caitlin:
Yet you're here with me in an airport on Christmas.

Joey:
Yes, I am. I moved on, but I never left

Caitlin:
I guess I better get my stuff of the plane then.

Joey:
Merry Christmas

[they kiss]

Ashley:
...Is it Craig?

Manny:
I'm so sorry. He didn't want me to say anything because he didn't want you knowing that he moved on so quickly

Ashley:
Moved on? We're still together.

Craig:
Spinner, Shut up.

Spinner:
Yes, Lord Stud.

Craig:
You told her.

Manny:
No, no, I didn't.

Craig:
Then how does she know?

Manny:
Because you're stupid, Craig. You didn't think she'd find out about me. And you didn't think I'd find out about your lies.

Sidney:
[to Caitlin] Joe and this family need me. Not some charming, klutzy blast from the past. ME.

Angela:
Maybe Santa will have presents for Daddy

Craig:
It looks like he's getting his gift early

Joey:
It's not about Sidney. It's over. It's about you and me.

Spinner:
You're a bum and you hang out at my house too much.

Jimmy:
That's because you pee on the toilet seat- my mom doesn't want you over!

Ellie:
[to Spinner] Rule No. 1 of puberty: shower every day.

Paige:
Dean, I have one thing to say to you. I am coming after you, not like tha mascot or Spinner. For real.

Spinner:
Hey. Hey. You're not going anywhere.

Dean:
Your mascot came at me.

Spinner:
Is that what you think this is?

[Pushes Dean]

Paige:
Spin.

Spinner:
He deserves it.

Paige:
Spinner. Please.

Dean:
Waterboy your boyfriend?

Paige:
I have one thing to say to you Dean. Get ready because I'm coming after you this time, not like Spinner or the Mascot. For real.

Paige:
Hey. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in a hair net?

Spinner:
I traded my shift so I could spend lunch with you.

Paige:
Wow, lucky me.

Spinner:
Um, we're not all like Dean. Some of us are good guys.

Paige:
I know. That's why I wanted to ask. Year end dance. Are you going with anyone?

Spinner:
[Shakes head] No.

Paige:
Well, go with me. I owe you a date anyway, right?

Spinner:
Yea, you do.

[Marco and Ellie are filming their commercial]

Marco Del Rossi:
Duet. We are as one. We absorb...

[Marco begins to laugh]

Ellie Nash:
[a little annoyed] Marco, that's the seventh take.

Marco Del Rossi:
I'm sorry. It's just that when I say, "absorb each other" it sounds like we're selling tampons or something.

Ellie Nash:
Are you making fun of my writing?

Marco Del Rossi:
But it doesn't even go with our whole concept. A duet with one person? I can go find someone right now, and we can do the dance like before.

Ellie Nash:
No, you can't.

Marco Del Rossi:
I said "yes" to this whole weird concept. But ever since then you've been treating my like your slave.

Ellie Nash:
Funny, 'cause that's how I always feel around you. You may not like what you're doing here, but it's way better than some flaming...

Marco Del Rossi:
[hurt] So that's what this is about. I can't be who you want.

Ellie Nash:
Can't or won't?

[Marco shakes his head and leaves]

Marco Del Rossi:
So much for us being as one, huh?

Ellie Nash:
I'm sorry.

Marco Del Rossi:
El, you're my best friend. But if that's not enough...

Ellie Nash:
It's really hard, Marco. Pretending to be something...

Marco Del Rossi:
...You're not, I know.

Ellie Nash:
But did you ever think about how hard it would be for me? Are you still confused?

Marco Del Rossi:
No... Ellie, I'm gay. And you and me...

Ellie Nash:
[sadly]... Will always just be friends.

[Marco nods and Ellie does likewise]

Spinner:
Girls, could I interest you in this interesting pamphlet about Jesus?

Paige:
Spin, may I suggest methadone to uh, kick the Christian habit?

Spinner:
It's not a habit, Paige. It's for life and beyond.

Ellie:
Okay, I cannot believe Friendship Club brainwashed Spinner!

Jimmy:
There's not much brain to wash.

Emma:
Today, I need all the help I can get. It was supposed to be Mom's third wedding anniversary, but I've got a surprise later that's really gonna make her happy.

Manny:
Male strippers dropping it like it's hot? Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Emma:
Okay Manny, I think removing you from public is a good idea for us all.

Alex:
If my boyfriend showed up and treated me that way, I'd be shopping for a new boyfriend.

Dylan:
[Spinner hugs him] What is this, hug the homo day?

JT:
I'd really like it if you came.

Manny:
Me too. But I can't.

JT:
Why? Just tell me.

Manny:
At school, when people talk about me... I walk. At a party, I'm stuck.

JT:
Well, what if I told you that I wouldn't let anyone say anything about you?

Dylan:
I just wanted to tell you that there's someone I like.

Marco:
I understand, I'm too young, too short, too girly...

Dylan:
And way too hard on yourself.

Marco:
Are you messing with me?

Dylan:
Guilty as charged.

Marco:
Spin, I hate bees. They're like flying death monkeys.

Spinner:
Ok I guess it's straight eye for the gay guy. Ok... this... Enrique called. He wants his shirt back.

[throws shirt on floor]

Spinner:
This, what is this? this is like the whole Oliver Twist thing.

[in old English accent]

Spinner:
Please sir, do not wear this. You'll look like an idiot.

[throws shirt on the floor]

Spinner:
This... what are you doing? Wrestling cattle?

[goes to throw it, but Marco catches it]

Marco:
Do not throw that.

Spinner:
Yeah, um, listen... I need to talk to you about your little friend Tommy boy... okay on the down low... the dude's got scabies.

Dylan:
What?

Spinner:
I saw him in the shower... it's sick... disgusting.

Jay Hogart:
[after seeing JT's commercial] Where's your dog, dog?

Sean Cameron:
Has he been getting up in your fries?

Ashley:
[gasps] Oh my god, Liberty! I didn't invite you! How did you know? Was I sending out second vibrations?

Emma:
Um, no. Toby and JT called.

Toby:
Ash...

Ashley:
Okay, I know mom and Jeff said only one friend each, but...

JT:
But nothing, Ashley. Its a pleasure to spend this fine evening with such lovely young ladies. [winks at Paige]

Paige:
Did that *thing* just wink at me?

Hazel:
[shrieks] AH!

Terri:
God, I can't handle this.

Paige:
Do you really think the star is gonna die?

Ashley:
Paige, don't ruin the movie.

Ashley:
Hi, Sean. Having fun upstairs?

Sean Cameron:
A little too much fun.

Ashley:
Is that... Sean, you brought drugs?

Sean Cameron:
Not me. JT. [takes a vitamin pill from cabinet]

Ashley:
A vitamin pill? What are you doing?

Sean Cameron:
Wash it down the sink. They'll never know the difference.

Sean Cameron:
I just thought Emma was different.

Ashley:
Why? Shes exactly like Jimmy, they only see...

Sean Cameron:
What they want to see.

Ashley:
When did that break?

Toby:
Last night. When you were dancing with Liberty. When you were strung out on E. What were you thinking, Ash?

Ashley:
What was I thinking? What were you and JT doing with E in the first place?

Toby:
I know, I know, it was dangerous!

Ashley:
Not to mention totally illegal!

Paige:
Sorry Ash, but this get together is getting seriously lame.

Ashley:
Well then, what do you want to do?

Paige:
Invite Jimmy over! Just stop being boring and break a rule for once.

Ashley:
I already did.

Paige:
Then invite him again. Hon, you need to live a little, cause you're pretty cool once you do. Honest.

Ashley:
[comes outside and sees Emma, Manny & Liberty] Hey, you're not Jimmy and Spinner! Unless they had a sex change!

Manny:
Guys, this is gonna be great! A real party! But if my dad finds out I'm here, I'm gonna be grounded til my wedding day.

Terri:
Ashley, okay, stop it.

Ashley:
Ter, I love your shirt! Its shiny like stars!

Toby:
Last day of school, here I come.

Paige:
Ashley, would you stop being such a hag?

Ashley:
No Paige, you're the hag, on two fronts: your looks... AND your personality.

JT:
[after taking the vitamin pill that Sean exchanged for the Ecstasy pill] No, Tobes, this is ecstasy.

Jimmy:
I'm outta here.

Ashley:
What I shoulda done is broken up with you, on your birthday like I was going to.

K.C. Guthrie:
[to Jenna] You're way too wound up right now. You're gonna have a heart attack before the fourth trimester.

Paige:
Pencil it in, boys. Retro roller skating party.

Ashley:
A retro roller skating party? That sounds cool.

Paige:
Hm. Funny how something is so cool one year, and then so uncool the next. Kind of like people.

Ashley:
I get it, Paige, you don't have to invite me to your dumb party.

Paige:
Oh, but I was hoping you could take drugs, act like a freak and destroy everything. Oh wait. You did that last year.

Ashley:
Paige, we've been friends since grade two, which is seven years. That's half our lives.

Paige:
Is this an apology or a math lesson?

Toby:
I'm gonna be the first Jewish monk.

Emma:
You like her, she likes you...

Toby:
Her brother likes to maim and kill.

JT:
With his teeth.

Holly J. Sinclair:
Anya, Anya, Anya... you still raised tons of money, I heard Craig say you did a good job, and the Horribles still sang songs about you.

Anya MacPherson:
[Crying] This isn't a joke! All I did was try and I wanted to accomplish something and to feel good for a change!

Holly J. Sinclair:
I didn't know you felt bad.

Anya MacPherson:
Well I do, all the time, and it's because of you. You can't stand to see me happy. Why do you hate me so much?

Holly J. Sinclair:
I don't! You're my best friend!

Anya MacPherson:
Then why do you treat me like dirt?

Holly J. Sinclair:
Because you let me. [Walks off]

Manny:
Every girl is entitled to a secret...two...or three

Terri:
I made $500 today being a plus-size model. Yeah, plus-size. How much did you make today, ice cream boy?

JT:
Listen, Tobes, you can cry if you want. But I'm not going to give you a hug.

JT:
Oh, hey, Ashley, I wondered when you'd tune into my love vibe.

Hazel:
You're doing the nod of sleep. It's not attractive.

Paige:
You do know you can be secrecy-challenged sometimes, right?

Chester Hosoda:
Ho, ho, ho.

Emma:
You can't label people.

Chester Hosoda:
Hey! I thought it was Christmas!

Alex:
[helping Paige pour nacho cheese into vat at movie theater concession stand] You know, fake cheese is one ingredient away from being plastic.

Paige:
Hmm. Just like Manny Santos.

Alex:
It's Mr. O you should be mad at. You know, that wasn't exactly a Prince Charming thing to do.

Paige:
But what if I, sorta, miss him already. Is that bad?

[Alex sighs and gives Paige a look]

Paige:
Shoot me. Drown me in fake cheese!

Paige:
Marco's not scary. Marco's afraid of bees and Heather Sinclair, not scary. Unless maybe you see her in her granny panties after gym.

Hazel:
[to Manny] Just so you know, I am not cool with you taking over.

Manny Santos:
Relax, Paige won't care, she's too wrapped up in Matt to even notice.

Hazel:
It's a crush. No big thing.

Manny Santos:
You don't have to lie, Paige told me about her hot after-school affair. [Hazel looks confused] Oops... I did it again.

Darcy Edwards:
Sheila told me if you put lots of ketchup on your fries, the tomato acid burns the carbs right away.

Chantay Black:
She's a cafeteria lady. Ever think she's trying to get you to buy more fries?

Manny Santos:
[to Paige] Happy weekend Paige! [Paige ignores her] Why, thanks Manny and thanks for taking my practice this morning.

Paige:
You want me to thank you? For what? Dropping a dirty bomb on my life?

Manny Santos:
Practice went awesome without you and if you ask some of us, that wasn't a coincidence.

Paige:
You told Hazel when you swore that you wouldn't.

Manny Santos:
I thought she knew, okay? Chill.

Paige:
Don't use your outdated slang on me. I doubt that your mouth is even connected to your tiny, shriveled boy-obsessed brain.

Manny Santos:
I'm the dumb one. Who still hasn't figured out no to chase older guys? Guys so out of her league it's not funny.

Paige:
Big words for someone who picks up my leftovers. [People start looking at the two. Paige walks away and Manny pulls her arm back]

Manny Santos:
Could you be more self-obsessed? All you think about is your own butt which would require a lot of though given that it's huge! [Manny kicks Paige's butt as Paige walks away. Paige turns around and slaps Manny in the face. Manny drops her books and starts pulling on Paige's hair. People crowd and watch the fight until Principal Hatzilakos and Mr. Oleander break up the fight. Mr. Oleander grabs Manny and Mrs. Hatzilakos grabs Paige]

Matt Oleander:
MANNY! Calm down!

Manny Santos:
Hey Mr. Pedophile-I MEAN, Mr. Oleander. Don't make your girlfriend Paige even more jealous of me!

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
Manny. My office - Monday. Paige, Mr. Oleander, now!

Manny Santos:
[to Emma] Em, what's wrong with your eyes?

Emma:
I'm trying to kill Chris with my mind.

Manny Santos:
Oh, goody. Then you can get Spinner, Jay, Craig, JT, Nate and Sean.

Chantay Black:
Here's me wishing I let my dad talk me into and all-girl school.

Paige:
Whole world is gonna hate me if I get him fired.

Marco Del Rossi:
You're in love. What were you supposed to do?

Paige:
Abstain from contact with male humans, seeing as how I'm Paige, the Bermuda triangle of love.

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
[in her office with Paige] Well, this was a rather upsetting day.

Paige:
Manny Santos is a liar okay? She lies.

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
Nothing ever happened between you and Mr. Oleander?

Paige:
That would be wrong. He was tutoring me and that's all.

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
Mr. Simpson has already left for the day, as has Mr. Oleander's advisor and frankly I'm less than comfortable discussing this without one of your parents being here.

Paige:
Is that totally needed?

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
We're all gonna meet Monday at 8:00, but I think I should warn you there's a pretty big discrepancy in your reports.

Paige:
Reports?

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
Takes on the situation. Mr. Oleander has a very different one. He told me that you were obsessed with him, that you followed him, you wouldn't leave him alone. You stalked him.

Chantay Black:
[to Manny] So Paige basically fights you because of a guy?

Manny Santos:
Paige basically fights me because she's a psycho wench.

Emma:
She fought you because guys are always turning women against each other.

Matt Oleander:
[to Paige when she comes over to his apartment] Hi.

Paige:
Hi. You're just gonna say hi?

Matt Oleander:
Look, I tried calling. You weren't picking up your phone. I'm glad you came over.

Paige:
Gee, why didn't I put a microphone in my bra? That's such a novice psycho stalker mistake.

Matt Oleander:
I know you're upset. Me too.

Paige:
No, I'm not. I'm livid, boiling, pissed beyond all recognition.

Matt Oleander:
Can we talk about this?

Paige:
You have three minutes.

Matt Oleander:
Paige, you know what this job means to me. You know what school means to me.

Paige:
I'm waiting for the us part.

Matt Oleander:
Us? I, I figured we'd leave time to let it blow over and when it's summer we're home free.

Paige:
And in the meantime I get what, expelled? Referred to as that sad, desperate loony who stalks TA's?

Matt Oleander:
I didn't know what else to say!

Paige:
Please, you wanted to look like the good guy. Don't kid yourself!

Matt Oleander:
Okay, Paige, you had a public fight with Manny Santos after promising me nothing else would be said!

Paige:
She was really mean. Why am I doing this?

Matt Oleander:
My entire future is on the line.

Paige:
Monday. Um. I'll go along with it. With your story. I lost my temper with Manny. Michalchuks: we have temper.

Paige:
[in Ms. Hatzilakos' office] I don't need my parents to protect me. I'm only telling the truth. I was inappropriate with Mr. Oleander and I'd like to transfer out of his class, immediately.

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
It's the only media immersion class offered in grade 11. You will fail the course.

Paige:
So I'll repeat it next year.

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
Every grade 12 credit is taken, Paige, for university applications.

Paige:
Well, then maybe I should just transfer schools entirely, now.

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
It's May! Transferring so late, chances are you can't complete the academic year. You will fail entirely.

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
[to Paige] Have you really thought this through? You should be getting set for university, not acting like you're in kindergarten.

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
Mr. Simpson!

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
I'm sorry, but I'm not buying what she's selling. Anything I saw didn't look too one sided.

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
You saw something?

Paige:
Leave it, sir. Please leave it.

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
No, I can't. [to Matt] I trusted you with my kids. My kids trusted you, including her.

Paige:
Please stop it. Can we just stop?

Matt's Advisor:
Students often have feelings for their teachers. You just took your feelings too far. We can help.

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
Okay, I'm not going to sit here and watch this.

Paige:
I don't care if I fail! Can we just finish this now, please?

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
Daphne, whose side are we on, huh? The students or the teachers?

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
I need to know what you saw Archie. How can I make a decision if I don't know what you saw!

Matt Oleander:
We had...

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
There's a lot at stake here.

Matt Oleander:
We had a relationship.

Paige:
What are you doing?

Matt Oleander:
We were seeing each other outside of school. It shouldn't have happened. I take full responsibility.

Craig:
You know you are a great guy. The most honest, down-to-earth, nicest person that I know. You're a little short, but that just adds to the cuteness. That I would find you to be. If you were a girl or I was not a guy. [points to himself] Is not gay. Just tell me this is helping.

Marco:
You're telling me what I really want to hear. I appreciate it, thanks. If you want to help tell me I'm an idiot.

Craig:
You're an idiot?

Marco:
I can't go downstairs. I can't stay here. I can't talk to Dylan. What do I do?

Dylan:
[Comes up behind them] Marco?

[Marco kisses Craig so that Dylan can see, then pulls back quickly]

Dylan:
I, um-wow.

Craig:
So when in doubt you kiss Craig?

Marco:
I gotta settle this with Dylan.

Craig:
Yeah you do. You really, really do!

Alex:
Four more years! Four more years!

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
I'm willing to offer summer school.

Spinner:
But that only gives me two credits, that's not enough to graduate. I mean, that's a whole year of my life I have to do over. That's not fair!

Principal Daphne Hatzilakos:
What's not fair is that Rick Murray is dead as an indirect result of your bullying.

Spinner:
If I'm still serving you ten years from now, kill me.

Jay Hogart:
Well, study hard and stay in school. Oh, right. You got us expelled.

Jay Hogart:
Look, I know math wasn't your strongest subject, but yearbooks plus fire equals the whole school up in flames. Oh yeah, and us in jail.

Spinner:
[smirks, lights a lighter]

Jay Hogart:
Put the toy away, fliphead.

Spinner:
You're stopping me?

Jay Hogart:
Shocking, but true.

Spinner:
You're a freak... in the same way that I am!

Jay Hogart:
Yeah, well at least I'm not torching the school! Do you want your former friends to suffer? Huh, do you?

Spinner:
I want them back!

Jay Hogart:
Listen! As your friend substitute, I'm telling you. This isn't the way! It's not.

Jay Hogart:
The last thing I want to see is me smiling goofily and hanging off my bestest friends.

Ellie:
Monogamy. Wow. What a difficult concept.

Emma:
I was so scared.

Christine 'Spike' Nelson:
Oh, I know you were baby.

Paige:
Do not let the cult of yoga suck you in. You'll end up wearing batik and eating speight.

Hazel:
I hope they have yoga in jail.

Manny:
My thighs are an epidemic and they're taking over the WORLD!

Hazel:
Paige isn't talking to me.

Alex:
Me neither.

Hazel:
Well, I happen to be upset about it.

Alex:
So do. I have feelings, you know.

Hazel:
And when Paige gets upset...

Alex:
Tell me about it! Shes the most stubbornest person I ever knew.

Hazel:
Oh, me too! And if you really want to know how bad a freeze out can get, phone Ashley Kerwin up!

Christine 'Spike' Nelson:
You're not going anywhere.

Emma:
But it was just a panic attack.

Christine 'Spike' Nelson:
Brought on by starvation. A psychiatrist is coming to talk to you and she might diagnose you as anorexic.

Emma:
I want to go home.

Christine 'Spike' Nelson:
Honey, you can't. You just can't.

Manny:
Em, you have to stop. You have to stop or you're gonna die. You can't do that to me.

Emma:
No one's gonna die, okay? I'm gonna try to beat this, Manny. I am. I'm gonna try to beat this.

Hazel:
I shouldn't have dived over the counter for that whipped cream canister.

Alex:
If only those German tourists hadn't gotten in the way!

Paige Michalchuk:
It behooves me as you and Eleanor's closest friend...

Ellie Nash:
Oh, actually, I don't really like you.

Paige:
Ellie, hon, I thought vampires couldn't go out in the sun.

Christine 'Spike' Nelson:
If you are sick you cannot stay here. Jack just got over a cold.

Emma:
Mom, Jack's not in a bubble.

Christine 'Spike' Nelson:
Really. Do you want to breast feed him while he's running a fever?

Spinner:
I didn't mean 'homo' as in 'gay', I mean 'homo' as in...

Dylan:
...Milk?

Marco:
Spin, even strangers know, and last night, it wasn't about my shoes. Those guys... they knew . . and they bashed me because they hated. Just like you do!

Spinner:
Dude, that's brutal. But you can't compare me with those guys.

Marco:
Really? Why not?

Jimmy:
What's your problem with Marco?

[points to bathroom wall with "Marco is a fag" that he'd written on it]

Spinner:
That's my problem.

Jimmy:
So Marco's a fag? What's your next one gonna say? Something about me being black?

Craig:
Marco, with your hair all big like that, you kinda look like Ashley.

Jimmy:
Alex, a heart. Try to find one.

Darcy:
Jay? They let you out on parole?

Jay Hogart:
I'm off on good behavior. Oh hey, Nuns-R-Us is having a black and white sale, you should really check that out.

Spinner:
Funny. You guys always have to do this?

Spinner:
It's about time buddy, let's go.

Jay Hogart:
looking at the girls in bathing suits a a campout "Sweet mother Mary, who knew Christian girls could be so hot?"

Spinner:
Yeah, but trust me, this place is no party.

Jay Hogart:
Not yet.

Spinner:
No, no, no, what are you doing?

Jay Hogart:
I just drove two hours for you. At least let me join your Christian friends for a tasty hotdog or a cool, refreshing beverage.

Spinner:
One hotdog, the beer stays in the car, your mouth stays shut and something else stays in your pants. Clear?

Jay Hogart:
I don't know. Let me pray on it.

Jay Hogart:
Spinner, slow down. I was just about to redefine bible pumping.

Spinner:
Nah man, you were just about to take a hike.

Jay Hogart:
Praise the lord. Those freaks have really got to you.

Spinner:
Have you always been this stupid or am I just noticing it now?

Jay Hogart:
Ever since you met miss WWJD, I don't even know who you are anymore. What kind of hold does she have on you, anyways? Is she that good in bed?

Spinner:
It's not like that, man. We don't even have sex.

Jay Hogart:
No sex. Nothing. Are you kidding me? What's her problem?

Spinner:
She believes in something. Is that impossible to get into your twisted little brain?

Jay Hogart:
No. Whatever, I just want you to be happy.

JT:
[his last words] You guys slay me with your humor.

Manny:
Does Mexico know you've taken all their Tequila?

Ashley:
[performing with Hell Hath No Fury at the Battle of the Bands competition] This song is the prize for breaking my heart / Should of written these words to you right from the start / You say it doesn't matter, how it's all in the past / My pain doesn't show, it's disguised by this mask / I can't pretend to forgive and forget / Gonna make the day you met me, a day you'll regret / 'Cause you're the dust in my eye / You're the rock in my shoe / Yeah, you lie, lie, lie / Better watch what you say, 'cause I'm on to you / Mr. Nice Guy, whoa, Mr. Nice Guy / You're so nice.

Craig:
Ash, I swear, if you play that song in the competition, I'll...

Ashley:
Have sex with MORE grade 9's?

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
Guys, settle down, please?

Craig:
If you weren't such a prude, I'd NEVER have been with Manny

Ashley:
[mocking him] Oh, but, I thought you loved her.

Craig:
Oh, you know what? Go...

Archie 'Snake' Simpson:
One more word, double homework!

Jimmy:
[rapping] Our homey is a player / That is all / So why'd you have to go and kick his

Spinner:
[rapping] Ball and chain / Ain't that your name / 'Cause you're a playa hater and that's a shame

Jimmy:
And chicks like you ain't worth too much

Spinner:
So shut up girl and

Jimmy, Spinner:
Make my lunch / Yeah!

Craig:
[after hearing Spinner and Jimmy's rap] That rap will never leave the garage.

Craig:
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY! How many times do I have to say it?

Ashley:
Until you mean it.

Craig:
[performing with Downtown Sasquatch at the Battle of the Bands] I don't know if you'll forgive me / For being so blind / To how you felt / Don't ask me why I couldn't see it / That'd take me years to figure out / And that's not something I know much about / But there's only one way to find out / Yeah, yeah, yeah / What I know is that I've hurt you, oh / What I know is that I suck / And what I know is that I'm sorry / What I know is that I'm a loser, yeah / What I know is I screwed up / And then I never earned your trust / And what I know is that everything I touch just turns to dust

Ashley:
[after hearing Craig's song] Nice lyrics. They were just right.

Manny:
What do you get out of it?

Emma:
That's a really stupid question.

Manny:
No what you're doing is stupid, you're letting a disgusting bottom-feeder use you to serial cheat on his girlfriend.

Emma:
Should you really be preaching to anyone about that. We're not having real sex.

Manny:
It's pretty close.

Emma:
But Im not getting pregnant.

Ashley:
Not only did my dad tell me he's gay, but he left us for his boyfriend. I've come to a decision, my dad is cut out of my life.

Terri:
C'mon Ash, you're overreacting.

Ashley:
No, I'm not, I have my mom and Jeff and I even have Toby.

Terri:
I don't have a mom. Do you know how that feels?

Ashley:
That's different.

Terri:
Yeah, it is, because you have a choice. My mom is dead. She's never coming back.

JT:
Liberty, I'm not gay, okay?

Liberty:
You lied?

JT:
Yes, 'cause you just wouldn't take a hint.

Liberty:
Am I really that horrible?

Manny:
J.T.'s a boy. Who knows what's going on in his head?

JT:
You wanna know something, Liberty? You're boring. B-O-R-I-N-G!

Liberty:
Oh, I'm stunned. JT spelled a word.

JT:
You want another one? Fun. F-U-N. Something you wouldn't know if it came up and bit you in the butt!

Ashley:
I'm allowed to imagine.

Paige:
No. No, you're not.

Paige:
It happens to other people. You say "how sad." You say "poor thing."

[sings]

Paige:
When it's you, it's something else / It's everything / You'll never believe the nightmares / You'll never know the pain you caused / You'll never see the scars you left / The things you stole, everything lost / You took my body / Tore it in half / You took my childhood / My heart and my laugh / You took everything I kept for myself / Then you're gone / I'm not your poor thing

Jay Hogart:
Yo gangstas! What's the haps?

Gavin 'Spinner' Mason:
Just celebrating Marco's big online poker score.

Jay Hogart:
You must be quite the shark, Del Rossi.

Marco Del Rossi:
Well, I used to play with my boyfriend.

Jay Hogart:
Yes. You're gay. Super.

Holly J. Sinclair:
Newsflash, Mamma Mia. Choosey went out the window when your water broke.

Craig:
It's not my locker I don't like... it's you.

Craig:
[singing] Would you be my Cinderella / Could I kiss you, Manuella?

Manny:
You can see me however / You must love me...

Craig, Manny:
[together] Forever...

Manny:
[singing] Forever.

Manny:
The only way to describe our date is... magical!

Craig:
I'd say the only way to describe our date is... bizarre.

Marco Del Rossi:
[sounding surprised] Hey. What are you doing?

Ellie Nash:
[avoiding eye contact] Nothing.

Marco Del Rossi:
Because I was supposed to meet Hazel...

Ellie Nash:
I know.

Marco Del Rossi:
Yeah?

Ellie Nash:
I kinda know firsthand, actually...

Marco Del Rossi:
Ellie, have you been the one writing me?

[Ellie walks away]

Marco Del Rossi:
Ellie...

[Ellie is waiting at the bus stop when her phone rings. She answers it]

Ellie Nash:
Hello?

Marco Del Rossi:
[on the phone] Ellie?

Ellie Nash:
I hope you're calling to tell me about your sudden case of amnesia.

Marco Del Rossi:
No.

Ellie Nash:
I wish I had amnesia. I don't take rejection well.

Marco Del Rossi:
Ellie, turn around.

[Ellie turns around and sees Marco walking towards her]

Marco Del Rossi:
I didn't reject you.

Ellie Nash:
Felt like it.

Marco Del Rossi:
Of course it did. You didn't let me finish.

Ellie Nash:
But you were...

Marco Del Rossi:
I was gonna meet Hazel to tell her that, well, to tell her that she's not my type. I mean, I go for cool, alternative. [He hangs up his phone as he is close enough for Ellie to hear him] Girls like Ellie Nash.

Ellie Nash:
Oh. I'm such an idiot.

Marco Del Rossi:
No. If you were, would I still ask you out? [He takes Ellie's phone and hangs it up] For C, as in coffee?

Toby:
He scores... scores again that is... wait until I tell JT - he'll be so jealous.

Hazel:
No, because you're not telling him.

Sean Cameron:
Why? It's just some stupid dare.

Jimmy:
Because she's too embarrassed to tell anyone she macked a total geek... even as a dare.

Sean Cameron:
That's great, Hazel... very evolved.

Hazel:
Hey, I don't make the rules.

Sean Cameron:
No, you just follow them.

Jimmy:
Hey Sean, do that impression of Raditch again.

Sean Cameron:
It's a swiss ball!

Ellie:
I didn't know the school had an elevator!

Jimmy:
I didn't know we even had a basement!

Jimmy:
I dare you to kiss Toby.

Toby, Hazel:
Jimmy!

Sean Cameron:
On the lips! Like you mean it!

Principal Daniel Raditch:
[after being caught working out] It's a Swiss ball... from Switzerland!

Hazel:
Why do you think I'm here?

Toby:
Because your shoes didn't match your purse?

Jimmy:
I think it's these flowers. I'm allergic to them.

Paige:
At least you don't have radioactive skin. Or a pumpkin for a date.

Jimmy:
Pumpkin in a dress.

Marco:
So we're not gonna talk about this?

Mr. Del Rossi:
I'm too tired for talking.

Marco:
No Pa, no, stop. Did you ever know? Huh? All these years-Pa, did you ever know that I was gay?

Mr. Del Rossi:
Stop saying that.

Marco:
I can't. Pa it's taken me seventeen years to say it. I'm gay. Gay. I'm totally gay.

Mr. Del Rossi:
This is funny to you?

Marco:
No Pa no, this is not funny at all! I just came out to you in front of the entire school, does that sound like a joke to you?

Mr. Del Rossi:
Look, you're my boy and I love you. You're the best son a father could ever want. But this part of you I don't want to know, I can't know about!

Marco:
Then you don't want know me.

[Mr. Del Rossi walks away. Marco sighs.]

Mrs. Del Rossi:
He will Marco. One day.

Marco:
Yeah. One day.

Emma:
You're having a party.

Peter:
You're busy with the drama festival, remember?

Emma:
Which I can't believe you're bailing on.

Peter:
I have more than enough drama in my life these days.

Emma:
Its a camera phone.

Manny:
So?

Emma:
So Peter needs to learn that paybacks are hell and I happen to think he needs to learn it from us.

Manny:
And thats why you're my bestest friend in the whole wide world!

Emma:
Time for a picture. Cheese!

Marco:
Tim stayed over last night.

Paige:
I hope you were safe.

Marco:
What?!? No! Totally missing the point. Look, he came out to his dad, who then promptly kicked him out.

Paige:
Wow. I just went from excitement to horror in five seconds. Acting has put me in touch with my emotions.

Ashley:
Jimmy, I'm sorry. But I'm just not ready for this. Paige might be but...

Jimmy:
Wait! What about Paige?

Ashley:
She's ready for this. She's done this.

Jimmy:
You think I'm gonna leave you for Paige?

Ashley:
I'm sorry I'm not ready.

Jimmy:
Good. Because to tell you the truth, neither am I.

Hazel:
Brooks, what's the problem?

Jimmy:
Let's see. I'm wearing a Sari, our limo driver just got arrested, and the school almost burned down.

Alex:
And upon hearing the word boring, Hazel magically appears...

Paige:
Just wait til university. According to Dylan, it only gets harder.

Marco:
Dylan? How is the satan child anyway?

Ellie:
Question- who's still bitter over last year? Answer- Marco Del Rossi.

Marco:
Stop. I am so over that guy. I've already forgotten who we're talking about.

Alex:
Good. So then lets talk about stalker boy, Tim. Your lovesick shadow.

Manny:
Are you coo coo bananas?

Manny:
Whatever happened to the "Zero Tolerance O' Sean' policy?

Emma:
You were worried about him too.

Manny:
Still am but I'm also worried about my best friend who's being an emotional ping-pong ball. Sean, Peter, Peter, Sean -

Emma:
I'M NOT!

Emma:
[speaking to Manny] Where's my lucky bra?! The one that gives me 'Manny' b*obs!

JT:
I lost my girl, I lost my best friend, I lost my job, and my... my family. Now I'm probably going to jail.

Eli Goldsworthy:
[Paraphrasing Churchill's quote] Clare Edwards is a riddle wrapped up inside a mystery and stuffed in an enigma.

Imogen Moreno:
She sounds like a burrito... and now I'm hungry.

Emma:
If your parents insist on buying tropical hardwood, tell them that by buying the toilet seat they're destroying the rainforest.

Manny:
I don't want to be adorable. Bunnies and puppies are adorable.

Paige:
If you don't want to be cute, don't be. Just change your image, simple as that.

Manny:
Do you see any underwear?

Emma:
No, but...

Manny:
That's right. Because I'm not wearing any.

Ellie Nash:
Time to open presents?

Craig Manning:
It's time to tell the truth. What is going on with Ashley?... If you told Spinner, you can tell me.

Ellie Nash:
She wanted to tell you herself. She wanted to wait till the time was right.

Craig Manning:
Whatever. Just tell me.

Ellie Nash:
She met someone.

Craig Manning:
Wait. You knew and you didn't tell me?

Marco Del Rossi:
Don't shoot the messenger, Craig. We...

Craig Manning:
You knew? Did everyone know?

[Paige, Jimmy and Hazel all avoid making eye contact with him as they all knew]

Craig Manning:
[to Ellie] Screw you.

Peter:
You know what I think? I think you're so desperate for attention that you'll do anything... you're a big fat attention whore!

[Manny throws his lunch on him]

Peter:
An attention whore with a bad temper!

Craig Manning:
Stop staring.

Ellie Nash:
Stop being an ass.

Craig Manning:
Do you know how humiliating it was to find out, in public, that my girlfriend dumped me by e-mail?

Ellie Nash:
Oh. Oh, you're forgetting on your birthday. It's a pretty good detail too. Ashley wanted to tell you herself. She wanted to wait until the time was right. She was... concerned.

Ellie Nash:
That I'd go off my meds and go all crazy. I'm fine. You know I'm fine. We hung out all summer and I don't need you protecting me.

Ellie Nash:
All this anger is for Ashley. Buy a ticket, go to London, and freak on her there.

[Ellie walks into Craig's garage where he is playing his guitar]

Craig Manning:
[annoyed] You here to see Marco? He's not here yet.

Ellie Nash:
I'm here to see you.

[Craig resumes playing his guitar]

Ellie Nash:
Craig! Craig! We hung out all summer and I know you're okay now and it was so, so stupid of me to try and protect you. I should have just told you. Sorry.

Craig Manning:
Cool.

Ellie Nash:
[annoyed] That's it?

Craig Manning:
That's it.

[Craig walks away and turns around]

Craig Manning:
Oy. I can feel them, you know. Your eyes burning a hole in my back.

[He turns back around]

Craig Manning:
I'm sorry, too. I overreacted, okay? So there. Better?

Ellie Nash:
Not really.

Craig Manning:
So, what do we do?

Ellie Nash:
Well, I heard you're in between drummers.

Craig Manning:
You heard right. Know any?

Ellie Nash:
I happen to be in between bands. Maybe I should sit in?

Craig Manning:
I got to warn you, El. We suck, huge.

Ellie Nash:
Oldest rule of music, Craig. Band's only as good as its drummer.

[She plays the drums very impressively]

Craig Manning:
Okay, you'll fit in fine.

JT:
You can't just leave! United we stand. Divided we suck.

Manny:
Did you just throw a drumstick at my head?

Ellie:
You could feel it through all that hairspray? Amazing.

JT:
If there's anything I could do for you, anything at all, I'll do it.

Liberty:
You could mangle your male parts in a tragic industrial accident.

Craig Manning:
Ellie, wait! What the hell is going on?

Ellie:
You tell me! You're the one who called her. You're the one who sat there drooling over her all night like some perv!

[She begins to walk away but turns around again]

Ellie:
And this, this isn't me. okay? I don't dress up.

Craig Manning:
[uncertainly] I'm... flattered?

Ellie:
Don't be! This is for the gig. This doesn't mean anything.

Craig Manning:
Ellie. We do group together. You've seen me down in the gutter. Lower than low. Lower than I want anyone else to see me. That's why you're my friend. My really good friend.

Ellie:
[sarcastically] So glad I can be there for you.

[She begins to walk away again]

Craig Manning:
Ellie!

Ellie:
Bye. See you in group.

Dr. Jim:
So Craig, tell us what's been going on with you.

Craig Manning:
Well, Ellie and I have an audition tonight for, uh, a wedding gig.

[Everyone claps]

Craig Manning:
Thanks. So I'm good. I'm feeling good. I'm happy. You guys have seen me down in the depths so it's, so it's good to be coming out the other side feeling strong, but I gotta say I'd be nowhere without that girl over there. Ellie's been incredible. Thanks. Thank you.

[Ellie is delighted. She smiles shyly at Craig. Everyone, including Craig, applauds her]

Craig Manning:
So, the other night... you and Ellie?

Craig Manning:
What? We rehearsed some more. We did some hardcore funking.

Marco Del Rossi:
You hear the words coming out of your mouth?

Craig Manning:
Whatever. We hung out, we watched a DVD.

Marco Del Rossi:
Okay. Which one? "Craig Intentions"? "How Craig Got His Groove Back"?

Craig Manning:
90% of my issues in life... girls, girls, girls.

Marco Del Rossi:
True.

Marco Del Rossi:
So this year I'm a monk. Just school and the band. No distractions. No drama.

Marco Del Rossi:
Good. Well then good thing you put the cutest girl in school on drums.

Craig Manning:
Maybe you didn't hear me.

[a girl walks by and touches Craig's shoulder]

Random Girl:
Hi.

Craig Manning:
[grinning] Hey.

[Craig walks into a door]

Marco Del Rossi:
[laughs] No distractions, eh bud?

Marco Del Rossi:
So, Craigs! Anything you want to share with your best friend in the whole world?

Craig Manning:
I thought Ellie was your best friend.

Marco Del Rossi:
Ellie, Ellie, who's Ellie...? Oh yeah! She's that cute, smart, funny girl. The one you had a date with last night.

Craig Manning:
It wasn't a date. Monks don't date. It was friends hanging out. Matter of fact, my other friend Manny joined us.

Marco Del Rossi:
Cue the romantic train wreck.

Craig Manning:
[referring to Ellie and Manny] Why? Why must they be so hot?

Marco Del Rossi:
Uh, you're not supposed to find your friends hot.

Craig Manning:
It's not my fault! I'm not the one who showed up looking like that.

Marco Del Rossi:
What? You said you were going to be a monk.

Craig Manning:
The monk is tired of the monastery, okay? The monastic life just wasn't for him, and now I have no idea what to do.

Manny:
I know it's not good for me. But it tastes like... happy!

Jimmy:
C'mon, let's go.

Spinner:
Can't. My bat... it's wooden.

Jimmy:
Sorry, I couldn't hear you. Sorry?

Spinner:
...I have a boner...

Jimmy:
Oh... I don't know what I'm doing...

[hands Spinner his binder]

Jimmy:
Here.

Spinner:
Great.

[puts binder over his crotch]

Spinner:
A binder boner shield.

Manny:
You made me be the mascot.

Paige:
You made me look stupid.

Manny:
You took credit for my work!

Paige:
You got Matt fired!

Manny:
YOU... I don't remember, but you started it!

Paige:
I'll keep going! You stress me at Spirit Squad! You make me look like full fat spaz!

Manny:
You know what? Shut up! You're just jealous.

Paige:
Ninth grade, my date is orange and I'm sporting a screaming sunburn. Tenth grade, our limo driver, Jim Boy Jed the criminal, delievers us in a cop cruiser. Eleventh grade, it gets worse. Happed up on painkillers, I arrive with a date who doesn't like girls on the special bus! Hello everyone! Happy prom! This is so perfectly festive!

Jimmy:
Are you finished?

Paige:
No. My armpits hurt!

Hazel:
More than your armpits will hurt if you don't shut your pie hole! I wanted this to be special for him and all you can do is whine!

Marco:
Uh, if the tantrums been thrown...

Hazel:
One more thing. Manny stepped up and ran the Spirit Squad for you while you were too self-involved! All she wanted was a thank you, but could you give her that? Oh no!

Paige:
She was horrible to me!

Hazel:
But can you tell me why you had to be more horrible back? Why you always have to be more horrible?

Hazel:
More than your armpits will hurt if you don't shut your pie-hole.

JT:
You guys [Paige and Manny] could be the first matching prom queen set! You know, like socks... or *mittens*!

[Craig kisses Ellie]

Craig Manning:
I love you, Ellie.

Ellie Nash:
[delighted] I love you too.

Craig Manning:
So don't make me stop. Please. I need it. Don't call Joey.

[Ellie pushes Craig away]

Ellie Nash:
[furious] You bastard. How could, how could you play with me like that?

Craig Manning:
Ellie, I'm, I'm sorry. What do you want me to say?

Ellie Nash:
Nothing. It's all gonna be lies. You'll say whatever it takes to get your hands on this, won't you? God!

[Ellie leaves. Craig prepares another line of cocaine]

Ellie Nash:
You're on the 11am to Calgary. Joey's waiting for you at the airport.

Craig Manning:
I guess you're here to make sure I get on the plane, right?

Ellie Nash:
No, um, Mr. Simpson is. I'm leaving.

[Ellie starts to leave but Craig stops her. She begins to cry]

Craig Manning:
[guiltily] Ellie, I know I messed up, badly, but I am glad for one thing. I was finally able to be honest with you. I meant what I said and I felt that way for a long time.

Ellie Nash:
[upset] No, just don't. Don't, just... it's beside the point. You need help.

Craig Manning:
I know. I know. I'm going to the rehab or whatever, but when I get out maybe we could...

Ellie Nash:
Goodbye, Craig.

[a heartbroken Ellie walks away from Craig]

Manny:
[to Emma after seeing Craig walk by] Is that the sound of you heart pounding? No wait... it's mine.

Craig:
Me... in an infinite universe... on an insignificant planet... one of six-billion inhabitants, big deal. I mean honestly, if I were to say that if I were to disappear, who'd care? What would it matter? Uh... a subatomic blip in the temporal fabric of creation. So there you have it, Craig Manning.

Craig:
How was the rest of the party?

Emma:
Fine, until all the supposed adults started singing 80's hits.

Ellie:
There is nothing wrong with me.

Paige:
Then show me your arm. Please, Ellie, show me your arm.

[shows cut up arm]

Paige:
Oh, Ellie.

[Ellie starts crying]

Paige:
It's ok, it's ok.

Ellie's Mom:
Don't cause a scene, Eleanor! Just shut up, smile, and wave.

Ellie:
Who? Me?

Paige:
I don't care if you get mad, what you're doing is dangerous, ok? It's scary.

Ellie:
You can't handle it. You have to take away the one thing that matters.

Paige:
What are you talking about?

Ellie:
You want my co-op job.

Paige:
I'm not talking about the stupid job! You're hurting yourself- Ellie shakes her head -look, this is beyond me. I don't know how to help you but Suave will.

Ellie:
I don't need help!

Paige:
Then show me your arm.

Ellie:
There's nothing wrong with me!

Paige:
Then show me your arm! Ellie, Ellie please, show me your arm .

Ellie:
rolls up her sleeves showing her cuts

Paige:
Oh, Ellie

Ellie:
Starts crying

Paige:
touching Ellie's arm

Paige:
It's ok, It's ok

Ms. Chantel Sauv?:
Well, time's up. The session is over.

Ellie:
whispers I'm sorry. I've wasted your time...

Ms. Chantel Sauv?:
No, that's okay. You'll talk when you're ready. But, you've got to remember to talk, and not cut. Well, bye. See you tomorrow?

Ellie:
Tomorrow...

JT:
I've been thinking, there are some upsides to love: Emma got the day off, Simpson cancelled homework and strippers.

Toby:
Because when I think of love I always think of strippers.

JT:
We'll still be closer than either of us have come to seeing a real live naked woman.

Toby:
Except for the time you walked in on your grandma in the shower.

JT:
We both agreed that never happened.

Sean Cameron:
It's a slow song and you're not dancing.

Emma:
No one really caught my interest...

Sean Cameron:
How about now?

Emma:
I'd love to.

Sav Bhandari:
This is not the pill I had in mind in the limo.

Anya MacPherson:
I know... maybe we don't need it. It was the worst time in my cycle...

Sav Bhandari:
Cycle, shmycyle this pill only works for up to 72-hours after sex.

Anya MacPherson:
It can make me barf for days...

Sav Bhandari:
You know what barfs for months? A baby.