Eerie, Indiana

[first lines]

Marshall Teller:
To whom it may concern, if you're reading this document it means I'm either dead or have disappeared under mysterious circumstances.

Marshall Teller:
My name is Marshall Teller. Not long ago, I was living in New Jersey, just across the river from New York City. It was crowded, polluted, and full of crime. I loved it. But my parents wanted a better life for my sister and me. So we moved to a place so wholesome, so squeaky clean, you could only find it on TV. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, my new hometown looks normal enough, but look again. What's wrong with this picture? The American Dream come true, right? Wrong. Nobody believes me, but this is the center of weirdness for the entire planet: Eerie, Indiana. My home, sweet home. Still don't believe me? You will.

Devon Wilde:
Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse.

Marshall Teller:
Does the word mega-eerie-voodoo-weirdness mean anything to you?

Dash X:
What is this, some kind of intergalactic video zapping portal kind of thing?

Marshall Teller:
Yeah, but to where?

Sgt. Knight:
Observe and control, that's our motto, that's what we do.

Marshall Teller:
Wow spelled backwards is wow!