Hec Ramsey

Wes Durham:
This a pretty good job?

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
Spirits, bacon and beans... steak twice a week.

Wes Durham:
Hangman's wages. You ain't gettin' no younger. What happens when the miseries curl up your fingers?

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
I'll steal fewer drinks.

Wes Durham:
What if some young punk calls you out and yer packin' about a pound of slugs in ya?

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
Well, I can always burst into tears.

Wes Durham:
And then give him a mealy mouth grin so's he'll buy you a drink.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
Hey, Wes, maybe they gonna put me out ta stud.

Wes Durham:
Hec... there's five thousand dollards in gold to bust me outta here.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
You offerin' me a livin' legend for five thousand dollars?

Wes Durham:
What are ya askin'?

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
I'm not askin' nothin'.

Wes Durham:
Six thousand.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
No.

Wes Durham:
I won't offer it agin.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
I guess I got this talent for poverty, Wes.

Chief Sheriff Oliver B. Stamp:
[Stamp looks at the body of the dead boy] They scalped him alright. The savages!

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
Hey, you know where Indians picked up that little trick, scalpin'?

Chief Sheriff Oliver B. Stamp:
No.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
From the white man.

Chief Sheriff Oliver B. Stamp:
I don't believe it.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
You don't wanna believe it. You ever hear of the Iroquois tribes back east, New England?

Chief Sheriff Oliver B. Stamp:
Yes.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
Well, the very first settlers - the Puritans themselves - they put a bounty on those Indians. But it would've been a lot of trouble to bring in a whole Indian, so they found an easy way - just cut and jerk on the hair and ya get your bounty money.

Chief Sheriff Oliver B. Stamp:
[In a standoff with Buckley] We gonna wait him out?

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
Back in '78 he held off twenty Comanches for more than a month. If you wanna wait around s'alright with me, but I might miss my pension.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
Rose, what are your plans for that drink?

Savannah:
[Raises glass in a toast] To the man... who never came back.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
[Raises his glass] And to the woman... who made it on her own.

Dixie:
[to Josh Hollister] You sorry, miserable excuse for a human being! You'll never make a man if you live to be a *thousand!

Chief Sheriff Oliver B. Stamp:
[to Ramsey, who is reading a book] Well, Mr. Ramsey, what have you learned from Dr. Freud?

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
The paranoids are out to get me.

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
[In response to Chief Stamp's accusing Ramsey of police brutality] Them that haven't got the guts to resist arrest haven't got the grit to commit a crime.

Chief Sheriff Oliver B. Stamp:
I see. So now you not only arrest the party, you provide the punishment as well?

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
Well, there's extenuating circumstances, like necessary force.

Chief Sheriff Oliver B. Stamp:
And you seem to be evoking it with increasing eventuality. A warning, Mr. Ramsey, on the record: I will no longer tolerate your rampant tendencies toward mayhem!

Hec Ramsey, Deputy Sheriff:
Well, you show me some civilized felons, and then I'm gonna show you some civilized law enforcement.