Hetty Wainthropp Investigates

Geraldine:
[to Hetty] I don't think people should be born again more than once.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[as her legs are hurting her] So much of this job is leg work. You have to keep in trim.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to her podiatrist] My legs haven't had this much attention since they were on the stage at the Floral Hall in nineteen hundred and... never mind.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Geoffrey as they're walking] Here, slow down. I'm not sure of me colors at this point, so it's all on you at this stage.

Lester Rose:
[to Hetty] You have to tell me now, old dear. Will you be my guest tomorrow or the spectre at my feast?

Lester Rose:
[to Gillian] The face of a mature woman is infinitely more beguiling to me tha a young slip of a girl.

Hetty Wainthropp:
I hope Geoffrey's eatin' properly. I miss his helping hand, Robert. There's a wise old head on those young shoulders.

Robert Wainthropp:
Hmmm, I wouldn't mind a younger head for these old shoulders.

Lester Rose:
[to Hetty] So, Mrs. Winthropp, are you going to shop me, or is the joke on me?

Hetty Wainthropp:
He must have defective eyesight. I wouldn't buy a lamb chop from him... might get a sheep's brain.

Janet Frazer:
[Suspiciously] Who are you?

Carl P. Unsworth:
[With great self-confidence] Your neighbour.

Carl P. Unsworth:
[Indicates the letters on his shirt] C - P - U. Carl P. Unsworth.

Janet Frazer:
What's the P for?

Carl P. Unsworth:
[Arrogantly making a fist] Power!

Dave Skerry:
[after Hetty and Geoffrey walk away] Problems?

Barnaby Shadwell:
[Dismissively] Those two?

Dave Skerry:
[Sarcastically] She might pistol whip us with her pension book.

Hetty Wainthropp:
I'll have his guts for garters.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Geoffrey] Are you all right, Geoffrey? You look like a wet weekend.

Hetty Wainthropp:
Tell me, does this school have a big problem with bullying?

Mr. Watts:
No more than anywhere else. Bullyism is a fact of life - always has been.

Hetty Wainthropp:
So's murder, Mr. Watts. That doesn't mean we have to put up with it.

Geoffrey Shawcross:
[Looking at his plate on the cafeteria line] Is that all I get?

Hetty Wainthropp:
Very bad for yuh... too many chips.

Geoffrey Shawcross:
Well, I'll risk it if you will, grandma.

Hetty Wainthropp:
And less of your lip, young man. Hop it!

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Arkwright] You know what I mean. In my experience when a person's intent on vengeance, everybody ends up getting hurt... including the avenger.

Robert Wainthropp:
She's right about that, of course.

Hetty Wainthropp:
Who is?

Robert Wainthropp:
Mrs. Langley - when she said the two events could be entirely unconnected.

Hetty Wainthropp:
Well, of course, she's right, but then again, Robert, it seems to me that it's too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence.

Janet Frazer:
[Defensively, about the time she spent with Adrian] We went for a pizza!

Robert Wainthropp:
For two hours? It's supposed to be fast food!

Brian Weston:
[to Hetty] If a week's a long time in politics, what's a quarter century?

Hetty Wainthropp:
We're talkin' over twenty-five years, Mrs. Weston. If there was any wrongdoin', don't you think people would have covered their tracks by now.

Enid Weston:
[Angrily] Are you a detective or not?

Hetty Wainthropp:
Yes.

Enid Weston:
Then get a scent and go after it!

Hetty Wainthropp:
The smell of corruption is very pungent, Geoffrey. Make sure it never sticks to yuh.

Hetty Wainthropp:
I knew the back of that man's head like the back of my hand.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Robert about family finances] You're not living in the real wotld, Robert. Money melts!

Hetty Wainthropp:
There may be times to have negative thinking, Geoffrey, but this isn't one of them.

Hetty Wainthropp:
The condemned woman et a hearty picnic it has been known.

Geoffrey Shawcross:
[Driving Hetty in the Rolls] I could get used to this, Mrs. Wainthropp.

Hetty Wainthropp:
What! At ten miles to the gallon!

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Gianetta] This is a real puzzle. Something's gone arsy-darsy somewhere.

Robert Wainthropp:
[With ennui] You've seen one leaning tower, you've seen 'em all.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[Reprovingly] Robert!

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Robert] If you can eat tripe, you can eat octopus. It's two sides of the same coin.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Geoffrey] This box of nougats is for you. Robert and I don't eat nougats. It's death for teeth!

Hetty Wainthropp:
[trying to get Geoffry to think more logically] Use your loaf Geoffrey!

Geoffrey Shawcross:
I'm sorry for my behavior, Mrs. Wainthropp.

Hetty Wainthropp:
It's quite out of character.

Hetty Wainthropp:
What did you gather from the neighbors?

Robert Wainthropp:
[Referring to Marianne] She's like Greta Garbo, love. Nobody ever sees her.

Geoffrey:
[Exasperated to Janet] Look, you want security, marry a hairdresser!

Hetty Wainthropp:
[Referring to Marianne] She's out there somewhere, Geoffrey... hiding or being hidden. Let's hope it's no worse.

Hansi Bauer:
Hetty, all I remember of being ten is the hunger and an empty belly. Such times!

Hetty Wainthropp:
May they never come again.

Hetty Wainthropp:
There are other small boats in the bay in need of a paddle.

Montague 'Monty' Francis:
My dear lady, I shall put out the word to all owners of small bobbing craft recommending the Wainthropp lifeboat.

Geoffrey Shawcross:
[about the victim's loss of voice] I suppose they'd have been practicing - rehearsal kind of thing. They'd all be anxious. They all could of overstrained, you know.

Oliver Hardiman:
I like a lad if he keeps his mouth shut and doesn't interrupt his betters.

Robert Wainthropp:
I brought some lettuce if you want salad.

Oliver Hardiman:
Men don't eat salad. Only women and poofs eat salad.

D.C.I. Adams:
[to Hetty] Dean Scholes? Just enough brains to be bothersome!

Hetty Wainthropp:
When in doubt, Geoffrey, head to the sound of the gunfire.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Dawn] We share the same philosophy, you and I - the triumph of luck over experience.

D.C.I. Adams:
[Telling Hetty his priorities regarding the poison pen letters] Anyway, it isn't a case for forensics. It's not logical - it's psychological. Twisted motives. Think laterally. Don't get me wrong, Mrs. Wainthropp, I'm delighted you're taking it on, but, to tell you frankly, you're on a highway to nothing.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[Speaking about the disgraced schoolteacher] You seem to know a lot about him.

Helga Allowby:
Knowing about people is my hobby.

Geoffrey Shawcross:
What now?

Hetty Wainthropp:
We need to know what sort of animal we're dealing with, Geoffrey.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[Frustrated after she tries to make a call and gets an answering macine] Nobody will talk with anyone these days!

Hetty Wainthropp:
[Seeing Bernard snuggling into Susan to keep warm] If he so much as loosens a button, I'll have his guts for garters.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Robert] You're too logical sometimes. It'll make you enemies.

Hetty Wainthropp:
One of the few advantages of reaching my age is the bus pass.

D.C.I. Adams:
The first principle of police detective work is once you've settled on a suspect , don't waste time and money looking for reasons why that suspect should not have committed the crime. All suspects ar guilty until proved innocent... usually some years after they've been sent to prison or in earlier times hanged.

Hetty Wainthropp:
I never know when you're serious.

D.C.I. Adams:
I don't always know myself, to tell the trurh.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[Shocked at Geoffrey's bleached hair] You look like a film star!

Geoffrey Shawcross:
Who?

Hetty Wainthropp:
Jean Harlow.

Geoffrey Shawcross:
Do you know how many lakes there are in the lake District, Mrs. Wainthropp?

Hetty Wainthropp:
Good mornin'.

Jack Duchett:
Mornin'. Who yuh lookin' for?

Hetty Wainthropp:
Information. I'm a writer researchin' the lives of women married to miners.

Jack Duchett:
Why do that?

Hetty Wainthropp:
Because their true voice has seldom been heard.

Jack Duchett:
I heard too much of my wife's mind when I were married. [He laughs]

Hetty Wainthropp:
Women have a right to be heard. Don't forget that.

Hetty Wainthropp:
Said my husband had recently passed away, and I wanted to make contact.

D.C.I. Adams:
Robert? Has he...?

Hetty Wainthropp:
No, he'll outlive us all if he's not prevented.

Hetty Wainthropp:
God, give me patience!

Robert Wainthropp:
Oh, I do so hope he will.

Geoffrey Shawcross:
[regarding her mother's patronage of the phony psychic] Well, she must be gettin' some satisfaction or she wouldn't go back.

Amy Bartlett:
We're not meant to get satisfaction in this world. We're meant to get through it as best we can and hope for better in the next.

Hetty Wainthropp:
To know that others do not know, Geoffrey, is already to know more than they do.

Hetty Wainthropp:
I'm a natural detective, Robert... meant to be... just as you said.

Robert Wainthropp:
I did not. I did not.

Hetty Wainthropp:
You must do what you're called to in this life. If you don't follow your star, you'll never hit the jackpot. Post office work does not extend me.

Robert Wainthropp:
You're a vital member of staff. They rely oon you.

Hetty Wainthropp:
I was meant for better. I found my calling - Hetty Wainthropp: Detective.

Geoffrey Shawcross:
[Hetty is stuck between floors in a hole in the floor] Why don't you just drop?

Hetty Wainthropp:
If I drop, you're fired!

Hetty Wainthropp:
There's more to life than money, Geoffrey - like staying alive.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[to Geoffrey] But as my Aunt Bea used to say, " If you don't know, there's others do."

Lottie:
[Repeatedly] Who's the Queen of England?

Robert Wainthropp:
[about his dead uncle] He was my childhood hero... my role model long before they ever thought of the term.

Lottie:
[Referring to Hetty's food bag] Do you got biscuits in there?

Hetty Wainthropp:
[Clearly annoyed] That's for me to know and you to wait till you're offered. Who are you?

Constable Pearce:
Ready when you are, Mr. De Mille.

Robert Wainthropp:
[Excited by finding a soccer biography in his uncle's library] It's a first edition!

Hetty Wainthropp:
Was there a second?

Hetty Wainthropp:
Why did you give him a book about witches?

Hannah:
Well, we were talkin' about it, and he was interested. It's the old religion, isn't it? Never died out... better than ours in some ways.

Hetty Wainthropp:
What ways?

Hannah:
[Knowingly] Women in control.

Hetty Wainthropp:
There's a smell of death in this village.

Robert Wainthropp:
[Unaffected by what she has just said he continues reading] All right.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[She repeats with great emphasis and deliberstion] A smell of death, Robert.

Hetty Wainthropp:
[as she dressed up for her "Woman of the Year" award] Now, tell me how nice I look. There was a time when praise wasn't altogether foreign to your nature.

Robert Wainthropp:
[With sincerity] You'll do us credit. You look wonderful. You always do - in my eyes.

Robert Wainthropp:
[to Goffrey] I never raised a finger to her though God knows she can be irritating at times.

Geoffrey Shawcross:
[to Robert] I'm a professional. Got to take the rough with the smooth.

D.C.I. Adams:
[as Robert enters his office] Oh, Robert! I hope I can call you Robert. I always think of you as Robert.

Robert Wainthropp:
I always think of you as Detective Chief Inspector.

Unnamed battered wife:
You're a spy, aren't you? You're not one of us!

Hetty Wainthropp:
Every woman is one of you or could be. I've been here long enough to learn this.

Robert Wainthropp:
[advising Geoffrey] When you're lyin', it's best to stick as close to the truth as you can.

She came down those stairs like a sack of coals