Hikônin Sentai Akibarenjâ

Nobuo Akagi:
You don't see cool guys like that too often anymore.

Yumeria Moegi:
He's showa-style cool!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
What do you want? Are you a sub-section chief from the Guerrilla Marketers?

Delu-Knight:
Wrong! I'm Delu-Knight!

[tosses business card to them]

Nobuo Akagi:
[reads card] Executive board director?

Yumeria Moegi:
They sent a real fancy pants this time!

Nobuo Akagi:
He's definitely way too cool to be a Guerrilla Marketer. He's like Silva from Bioman!

Delu-Knight:
It's my duty to eliminate you delusional fools.

Nobuo Akagi:
Then why don't you eliminate your stupid boss first?

Delu-Knight:
The president isn't delusional. He's a visionary!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Wait, you're just a delusion character, too?

Delu-Knight:
What?

Delu-Knight:
I waited through your whole thing, but what does "Commander Arashiyama has the best hair" mean? Who is that, anyway?

Delu-Knight:
The more you use those Moe Moe Z-Cunes, the more Hakase Hiroyo suffers. And in the end, she'll fall prey to their curse!

Nobuo Akagi:
He was really strong. But the more evil they are, the angrier I get! The stronger they are, the more intense the fight! Next time I'm gonna take him down.

Hiroyo Hakase:
[referring to the scorpion tattoo] Do you know what it is?

Takuma Tsuzuki:
With the help of the CIA, I got my hands on Tsuzuki Takehiro's secret research notes. They contained frightening information.

Hiroyo Hakase:
What is it?

Takuma Tsuzuki:
The MMZ-01 has a special trap built into its systems. To put it simply... a curse. When you first received the Moe Moe Z-Cunes, you were placed under that curse. Every time the Moe Moe Z-Cunes are used and release their energy, the scorpion will travel further. Once it reached your throat, you will lose your voice permanently.

Nobuo Akagi:
Dr. Z. set a trap like that?

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
He'd do that, to his own daughter? Doesn't he realize that a voice actress's life depends on her voice? It's too terrible!

Yumeria Moegi:
Kozkoz, what about GekiBlue?

[Kozkoz points at a picture of Retsu/GekiBlue in a magazine and then at Takuma]

Nobuo Akagi:
You think he looks like Retsu? They look absolutely nothing alike. What's wrong with you, Kozkoz?

Takuma Tsuzuki:
[to Hiroyo] I've dreamed of this day for a long time! It's nice to meet you, sis!

Hiroyo Hakase:
What is it now?

Kozukozu Mita:
Um... it's the Pentagon.

Hiroyo Hakase:
Pentagon?

Kozukozu Mita:
[points at Nobuo] The American Department of Defense. They want to hire Akagi!

Nobuo Akagi:
EEEEH?

Kozukozu Mita:
Are you sure, Pentagon?

Kozukozu Mita:
[to Nobuo] They saw you on the news, and launched an independent investigation. They are amazed with Akagi's leadership and decisive action.

Hiroyo Hakase:
They want to welcome you as a part of their staff?

Kozukozu Mita:
Incredible!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Akagi-san, Aoyagi-san, Moegi-san, will you take out your Moe Moe Z-Cunes?

Nobuo Akagi:
Here. Are you adjusting them or something?

Hiroyo Hakase:
No. I'm taking them back. From this point forward, the AkibaRangers are disbanded.

Nobuo Akagi:
What is going on? We lost the ability to be an unofficial Sentai just as we're about to become official?

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
I thought she was hiding something, but this is too sudden.

Nobuo Akagi:
Just what should I refer to in this kind of situation? "The Kyuukyuu Sentai is suspended"? Or "We Really are Disbanding"?

Yumeria Moegi:
But we were suddenly scouted and we were disbanded just as suddenly. Oh well. Bzz.

Nobuo Akagi:
What's that supposed to mean? Isn't it our dream to become an official Sentai?

Yumeria Moegi:
It was fun being an AkibaRanger. But there are other things. Let's cosplay or soujin. There's so many things I want to do. Right?

Nobuo Akagi:
Mitsuki, are you okay with this? You said you wanted to become an official Sentai member to learn techniques from Niibori-san, right?

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Yeah. Maybe I should just directly apply to be his student.

Nobuo Akagi:
I stayed up all night and it's still no good! I can't meet Tsuka P like this. And I can't steal if I'm a hero. Just what should I do?

Hiroyo Hakase:
You were only able to transform in delusions. Moe Moe Z-Cune aren't tools for transforming in reality.

Nobuo Akagi:
I am... a man who's so painful that I can break the barrier between delusion and reality! I don't care if it's reality or not! I will transform and fight! GRAND DELUSION!

[transforms into AkibaRed]

Doctor Z:
I am Doctor Z.

Nobuo Akagi:
A Showa era-looking last boss is here.

Hiroyo Hakase:
Dad? What are you...?

Nobuo Akagi, Yumeria Moegi, Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Dad?

Doctor Z:
No! You are no longer my daughter! That stopped the moment you became Z-Cune Aoi's voice actress!

Yumeria Moegi:
Eh?

Nobuo Akagi:
Eh? What? Just now, I heard some unexpected new info. Did I imagine it?

Malshina:
You didn't imagine it. Z-Cune Aoi's star, Aoi's voice actress, Toyozuki Shuri is actually that woman! Hakase Hiroyo.

Nobuo Akagi:
WHAAAT? Why didn't you tell us?

Yumeria Moegi:
I call myself a fan, but I didn't realize. This is the biggest blunder of my life.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Ummm, can you do Aoi-chan's voice?

Hiroyo Hakase:
Quiet! This is no time for that!

Doctor Z:
Rejoice while you can. When our invasion starts, all laughter will disappear! Here comes the real show. Look forward to it!

Asakusa Alpaca:
[to Mitsuki] Got a nice ass on you, huh?

[spanks her]

Hiroyo Hakase:
Have you been drinking?

Nobuo Akagi:
Yeah. We went to karaoke after work.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Eeeh? If you want to be a Sentai hero, should you be drinking? Aren't you worried about being a bad influence on kids?

Hiroyo Hakase:
Don't be ridiculous! There's Black Condor, Yuuki Gai. He's an official member who is cool, manly, and loves sake. Drinking a beer or two is no big deal!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Akibaranger's get their power from the Delusion Power. If we weaken one's reasoning, it should unleash the Delusion Power.

Nobuo Akagi:
I see!

Yumeria Moegi:
So if we use sake, we can be even stronger!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Ummm, excuse me. This has been kinda been bothering me for a while. What are you dressed as today? It's different from your previous character.

Yumeria Moegi:
This week... I'm an elementary school boy.

Nobuo Akagi:
A role-playing cosplayer? This is coming from me, it hurts me to look at you.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
This is special traning? It's just a drinking party! There's no point in me being here since I'm underage!

Nobuo Akagi:
It's not pointless! Hearing us talk about Sentai is a good lesson for you!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Lesson?

Hiroyo Hakase:
No, don't brush him off. Up till now, Akagi-san's love and knowledge of Sentai.

Yumeria Moegi:
Yeah, like being able to summon a DekaRanger.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Right, or like yesterday with the BoukenRanger.

Nobuo Akagi:
Stop! Stop right there! It's not BoukenRanger! It's Boukenger! GoGo Sentai Boukenger!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Eh? Bouken and Ranger doesn't make a BoukenRanger? What's "Bouken" and "ger"? What's "ger"?

Nobuo Akagi:
This is why you're a noob! We already covered this with Hurricanegers!

Nobuo Akagi, Yumeria Moegi:
Right?

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
It's just because you're an otaku! I can fight without knowing that!

Nobuo Akagi:
What? You running away? Hey!

Akiba Blue:
Hey, I was wondering this last night too. Why did night turn into day?

Akiba Red:
You fool! We're not in the mountains in the day. This is a mysterious subspace! Night filming is a lot of work!

Akiba Blue:
No... this isn't being filmed.

Nobuo Akagi:
This is Red. Has the enemy appeared?

Hiroyo Hakase:
No, that's not it. I wanted to talk with you about the future.

Nobuo Akagi:
Perhaps you want me to search for Green or Black?

Hiroyo Hakase:
No.

Yumeria Moegi:
W-w-w-what have you done?

Nobuo Akagi:
This was our chance to become official heroes!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Well, the heroes need a secret identity, right?

Nobuo Akagi:
Dekaranger and Gingaman didn't have secret identities!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
I thought we were trying to become an official Sentai!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Anyway, given that something as unpredictable as Malshina appearing has happened, there's not time to worry about anything else until we've cleaned up that mess.

Tsukishima Alpaca:
The Akibarangers?

Nobuo Akagi:
See! He's going to turn Akihabara into a town famous for monja!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Seriously, that's our premise this time?

Tsukishima Alpaca:
My dream is turn Akihabara into Monja Town, Japan! Anyone who gets in the way is gonna get chopped up and fried!

Nobuo Akagi:
Can it, sub-section chief! We'll be the ones using you to reach our dream!

Yumeria Moegi:
Now, en garde!

Hiroyo Hakase:
So, how do you like the Akibaranger powers?

Akiba Blue:
It's incredible! I feel amazing!

Akiba Red:
We can do it! We're the 37th Super Sentai!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Well, no.

Akiba Red:
Why not?

Hiroyo Hakase:
Unless you get official recognition, complete with a TV adaption of your adventures that airs specifically on Sunday morning, you're not part of the Super Sentai series. In other words... you're merely an Unofficial Sentai.

Akiba Red:
We're... the Unofficial Sentai, Akibaranger? Our mission is to become super heroes that defend the Earth. Get your own TV show... and become an official Super Sentai!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Eh, whatever works.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Starting tomorrow, I won't be transforming. I'll be counting on you.

Yumeria Moegi:
Mitsuki-neechan, do you hate us?

Nobuo Akagi:
What is that? You even studied up on Boukenger! I thought you were finally getting into it!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Aoyagi-san, what is the meaning of this?

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Starting tomorrow, I'll be at a martial arts training camp. I'll be at Izu for three days and two nights. I want to focus, so I don't plan on transforming during that time.

Yumeria Moegi:
So you're not quitting the Akibarangers then.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
So for the next three days, I'd like you guys to show some restraint when it comes to fighting.

Nobuo Akagi:
Alright! Leave it to me! Eh?

Yumeria Moegi:
In other words, you're telling us, "Don't have delusions."

Nobuo Akagi:
You're banning one of the few joys of being an otaku. All the while, you'll be enjoying real-life satisfaction at your camp! You oni! you devil!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
You consider camp "real-life satisfaction"? Just how pathetic was your high school life?

Hiroyo Hakase:
Aoyagi-san, don't worry if you think their delusion will interfere with your camp. The delusion amplification beam waves won't go that far.

Nobuo Akagi, Yumeria Moegi:
Eh?

Hiroyo Hakase:
Oh! Did I forget to mention that? The system only allows you to enter the world of delusions in Akihabara. Thus, you can only transform when here.

Nobuo Akagi:
I had no idea we were such local heroes. The road to becoming official is a long one.

Yumeria Moegi:
But that's good. That means we can have our free delusions.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
No! No... well... you know. I'd be worried about you two fighting alone.

Hiroyo Hakase:
That's true. Both your big delusions were pretty dangerous.

Nobuo Akagi:
[points at Hiroyo] It's 'cause you made us drink!

Nobuo Akagi:
It's no use! Being told I can't have delusions is making me have them even more! Damn it, Mitsuki! Telling an otaku to not have delusions. She can take her real-life satisfaction and shove it!

[notices the Akibaranger logo behind them after completing the roll call]

Akiba Red:
One of these this time? It's not always explosions, y'know.

Hiroyo Hakase:
What? Malshina was in the real world?

Yumeria Moegi:
By all rights it should be impossible... but the truth cannot be denied.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
It felt pretty realistic. But it could be something like mass hysteria?

Nobuo Akagi:
That's right! I mean, Malshina's just what I think the ideal female villain would be like! Something I dreamed up in a delusion can't just pop into reality!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Malshina... What's she like, anyway?

Nobuo Akagi:
You don't know?

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Weren't you watching our fights on the monitor?

Hiroyo Hakase:
The Moe Moe Z-Cune isn't *that* sophisticated! I can listen in on a fight with the microphones, but... I don't even know what the Akibarangers look like.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
What happened to us?

Hiroyo Hakase:
After being confronted with reality, you snapped out of the delusion.

Yumeria Moegi:
Then is this the delusion? Or the real world?

Hiroyo Hakase:
This is definitely real. You were Akibarangers for real this time.

Nobuo Akagi:
For real?

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Then we're actually superheroes now?

Hiroyo Hakase:
I guess that's the case.

Yumeria Moegi:
Hakase, the phone call is for thee.

Hiroyo Hakase:
Who is it? Is it Malshina?

Yumeria Moegi:
Someone far more imposing.

Nobuo Akagi:
It's the final boss, right?

Yumeria Moegi:
Nay... 'Tis Lord Tsukada, the Toei producer.

Nobuo Akagi:
I've got it! All we need to do is convince Luna that being an AkibaRanger would be a major plus for her idol career!

Kozukozu Mita:
Isn't that worse than paying her?

Nobuo Akagi:
[clears throat] Kozukozu, the things happening in the delusion world are starting to affect reality! We might really save the Earth. Heroes in reality aren't like the ones from TV. We can't be overly idealistic.

TyrannoRanger:
What fools are you?

DragonRanger:
Those funny faces suit you!

Akiba Red:
What?

Akiba Blue:
These guys are the Powerful Rangers, which Sentai is based off of! Hello! Please to meet you!

TyrannoRanger:
Hi! But it's too late for greetings!

DragonRanger:
Japan's ripped off America's Powerful Rangers with their Sentai series! You guys suck!

Akiba Red:
What are you saying? It's the other way around!

TyrannoRanger:
Shut up!

Kunimasmaphogany:
I'm not gonna lose to you guys with your weird roll call!

Kozukozu Mita:
I-it's terrible! The Super Sentai Series now starts with Gaorangers! It was a big problem because Gaoranger used the America's 8th Powerful Rangers series, Wild Force, without permission!

Nobuo Akagi:
Hey, what is that?

Hiroyo Hakase:
An American company has the rights to Power Ran, so they are considering suing.

Nobuo Akagi:
Sentai is Japan's property!

Yumeria Moegi:
This is an international incident de arimasu!

Nobuo Akagi:
It's you! Your misunderstanding is affecting the delusion world!

Luna Iwashimizu:
Me?

Yumeria Moegi:
Listen de arimasu, Member Luna! Sentai's true roots is in Japan's Toei company. It was after Zyuranger that America did their remakes de arimasu.

Luna Iwashimizu:
But... look at what the Net says.

Nobuo Akagi:
Umm, excuse me. Why is AkibaRanger a Super Sentai? This a joke, right?

Toy Store Manager:
Eh? I suppose you're not very familiar with Sentai.

Nobuo Akagi:
I hate to brag, But I'm in the top three in Japan for the Sentai expert rankings!

Toy Store Manager:
Then how can you not know the 17th Super Sentai, AkibaRangers? You're unqualified. Unqualified. Unqualified.

Nobuo Akagi:
17th?

Nobuo Akagi, Toy Store Manager:
GoRan. JAKQ. Fever. Denji. Sun Vul. Goggle. Dyna. Bio. Change. Flash. Mask. Live! Turbo! Five! Jet! ZyuRan! DaiRan!

Nobuo Akagi:
Akiba!

Toy Store Manager:
It should be DaiRanger!

Nobuo Akagi:
What's with the knock-off sounding name?

Toy Store Manager:
Knock-off?

[sees an AkibaRed action figure]

Nobuo Akagi:
Hey, this actually doesn't say Hikounin Sentai! Gosei Sentai AkibaRanger? Just what is going on? AkibaRangers have become official members... as well as a legendary masterpiece?

Delu-Knight:
[grabs gun from Malshina] You're out of luck. In a crisis, my response time is one hundred times faster than the Japanese government. You two are the ones this world doesn't need!

Malshina:
You two? You wouldn't... Father, too?

[shoots Malshina]

Delu-Knight:
Now, I will take control of the Delusion Empire! The world will be mine!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Let's just give up on saving the show. We're fighting our own creator... there's nothing we can do in a situation like that.

Yumeria Moegi:
That's... true, maybe, but...

Hiroyo Hakase:
Now that we've defied Hatte Saburo, we can never become official. If we keep resisting, "he" could wipe out every tract of our existence!

Hiroyo Hakase:
That's fine by me. Hatte Saburo is the greatest enemy, greater than the last boss of any official show. "He" might even be omnipotent. But if this world is a TV show, then someone has to be watching it, right? If a nerdy Otaku like me saw a show like that, no cover up would ever make him forget it. So, I'm not afraid. Let's keep fighting, until the bitter end!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Akagi-san!

Yumeria Moegi:
If we're unofficial, then let's act unofficial!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Being remembered by an Otaku, huh? I'm fine with that. I won't give up, not until the very end!

Hiroyo Hakase:
[starts to cry] Guys...

Nobuo Akagi:
Quit crying, Hakase! Commanders are only allowed to cry in the final episode! And we're not gonna let this be the final episode!

[a giant "The End" sign appears]

Akiba Red:
Oh, no! It's "the end"!

Malshina:
[to the Shatieeks] Change of plans! Attack that insolent sign!

Akiba Red:
[to Akiba Blue and Yellow] We need to attack that sign, too!

[last lines]

Akiba Red:
It's not over yet!

Takuma Tsuzuki:
Sis, I've read everything about the enemy. I can't forgive Father for abandoning us for his evil ambitions. Let's fight together!

Hiroyo Hakase:
Takuma, thank you. Papa... No... Dr. Z's schemes must be stopped. Till that day comes, I am not your sister.

Nobuo Akagi:
I knew it! That's why an impossible thing like this can happen.

Malshina:
Just what are you talking about?

Nobuo Akagi:
This world... if it's a show... And... and if we're the show's characters...

Malshina:
What?

Nobuo Akagi:
If so, them I'm a character that leaves part of the way through. Like the first VulEagle, Miss America, Battle Cossack, or YellowFour.

Nobuo Akagi:
That's it. I'm not wrong about this. The battles no longer take place in Delusion World. Hakase and the enemy boss are revealed to be father and daughter. And to top it off, the invitation for me to join the Pentagon. With this shakeup story development, the flag for swapping the star out is standing straight up!

Malshina:
Swapping the star?

Nobuo Akagi:
First of all, isn't it unnatural for an ordinary Japanese citizen to be invited to join the American military? Why didn't I see this sooner? Malshina, you might be replaced by the new commander!

Malshina:
What are you babbling about? I don't get it at all! Give a proper explanation!

[sees Takuma ride off on his motorcycle]

Yumeria Moegi:
When did he get his bike?

Nobuo Akagi:
Who cares about that detail! The guy who called off the shakeup...

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Guy? You mean Dr. Z nya?

Nobuo Akagi:
No. Even Z is in the palm of his hands.

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
What? Just who is it, then?

Nobuo Akagi:
Listen. Apparently this world is the show "Hikounin Sentai AkibaRanger".

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
Eh? What are you saying, old man? I've always thought you were strange, but now you've completely lost it.

Nobuo Akagi:
What's that supposed to mean? Listen up, I'll show you right now.

Yumeria Moegi:
That this world is a show? But how?

Nobuo Akagi:
Everyone, be quiet! If you do that, you'll probably see.

[Nobuo looks around]

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
There's nothing...

Nobuo Akagi:
Shh!

[sees the advertisement banner]

Nobuo Akagi:
There it is! A telop!

Mitsuki Aoyagi, Yumeria Moegi:
Eh?

Nobuo Akagi:
I told you guys before. When the video becomes quiet, it become a telop chance. And a telop rolls by!

[he stops the advertisement banner]

Nobuo Akagi:
Someone... read this! Do you see it? What it say?

Mitsuki Aoyagi, Yumeria Moegi:
For details, go to the Hikounin Sentai AkibaRanger show's home page...

Takuma Tsuzuki:
I don't see anything.

Nobuo Akagi:
[let's go] You see now? The world we're in is inside a show! Your clothes and way of speaking are proof!

Mitsuki Aoyagi:
[takes off blue jacket] Now that you mention it, I usually hate these.

Yumeria Moegi:
That's right nya! This isn't like me at all nya!

Nobuo Akagi:
Someone is trying to change AkibaRanger from a painful show about otakus to a proper, official-seeming show! Put simply, we're changing tracks! It's a shakeup! After the shakeup, the story went from delusion battles to fighting in the real world. A serious story about father versus daughter appeared. New rivals appeared. And the star... the new Sentai Red... is a refreshing guy to replace me!

[points at Takuma]

Nobuo Akagi:
If it's all just a delusion, then what's the point of fighting enemies?