Hogan's Heroes

Hogan's Heroes

Hogan's Heroes is an American television sitcom set in a German prisoner of war (POW) camp during World War II. It ran for 168 episodes from September 17, 1965, to April 4, 1971, on the CBS network. Bob Crane starred as Colonel Robert E. Hogan, coordinating an international crew of Allied prisoners running a Special Operations group from the camp. Werner Klemperer played Colonel Wilhelm Klink, the incompetent commandant of the camp, and John Banner played the bungling sergeant-of-the-guard, Sergeant Hans Schultz.

Year:
1965
16,246 Views

Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz:
Achtung! [no response] Achtung!

Cpl. Peter Newkirk:
What did you say, Schultz?

Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz:
I said 'Achtung!'

Cpl. Peter Newkirk:
Oh. Your bid, Kinch.

Kinch:
Two of clubs.

Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz:
When I say 'Achtung' that means that you all are to SNAP to attention.

Cpl. Peter Newkirk:
Oh, is that what it means? Huh! I always thought it meant 'Good morning' or 'Greetings, Mate.' Something like that.

Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz:
No, no. 'Achtung' is a command. When I say 'Achtung' I want you all to come to attention at once.

Cpl. Louis LeBeau:
I wasn't sure what that one meant myself. It always sounded like Schultz was just clearing his throat. So that's a command for attention, huh?

Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz:
That's right! Now that you all know it...

[Schultz leaves and then re-enters the room]

Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz:
Achtung!

Sgt. Andrew Carter:
And a 'Good morning' to you, too, Schultz.

Kinch:
Didn't you hear what Schultz said?

Sgt. Andrew Carter:
Sure. He said 'Achtung' so I said 'Good morning' right back to him.

Kinch:
Achtung doesn't mean 'Good morning.'

Sgt. Andrew Carter:
Well, that's what Newkirk says it means. And who are we gonna believe? One of us or one of them?

Kinch:
He's got a point there.

Cpl. Louis LeBeau:
Yes he does! You'd better brush up on your German, Schultz.

Cpl. Peter Newkirk:
Yeah, don't use words you're not sure of. In future, to avoid confusion, why don't you just say 'Good Morning' in English?

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
Hi Schultz! Just let us all know when it's time for Roll Call, will you?

Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz:
Jawohl, Colonel Hogan... But it IS time for Roll Call. That's why I came here in the first place! It's almost PAST time for Roll Call!

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
Well, you'd never make sergeant in OUR Air Force.

Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz:
Roll Call! Everybody out, out, out, out, out, out, out! Roll Call! Raus!

Sgt. Andrew Carter:
Hey Thank you! And a 'Good day' to you, too, Schultz.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
[hangs up] We've got him. We've got him.

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
We've got who?

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Nimrod.

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
Nimrod? That British agent?

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Yeah, that's right. The most wanted man in Germany and we've got him. No, we don't got him. They got him. But we can still get him.

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
What are you babbling about?

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
That phone call. It was a message. - Oh, excuse me a moment, general. [reads the lines he worte down] "Mairzy Doats, Little Boy Blue" [eats the paper] I realise this is hard to believe, general, but Klink-...

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
HOCHSTETTER! Take that paper out of your mouth.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
[does so] Sorry, general. I got so excited. This news has me so excited. Here, read this.

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
You read it to me, please, major.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Well, it's in code. It's some kind of instructions fro Nimrod. I'll call headquarters and have them send over a cryptologist. No, wait a minute. I'm a cryptologist. I was the top man in my unit. This is no trick at all. [slide, Klink's desk is full of curdled-up papers] I got it. I told you. Didn't I tell you I could break this code.

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
For two hours you have been telling me that.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
What they're using here i a variation on the old Fessenhoffer Cipher. Basic vowel substitutes. A becomes E if followed by P. When preceded by U, then E becomes B and U becomes P and sometimes Y except afert C. However, what they've done here-...

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
Just read the message.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
The message is: "I am foul. Lurch let in cragnik."

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
This is the message? Obviously, it's not the code.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Yeah, that's not the code... Oh, it's the old double-look method. I will crack this in not time at all.

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
Why don't you call headquarters and let them send over an expert. This whole thing doesn't makes sense. The idea of Klink being a British agent is ridiculous.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Yeah, I could not believe it myself. But you were here. You heard the phone ring. You saw me write down the message. So you know I'm not crazy.

General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter:
Yes, I heard the phone ring, I heard you say Mairzy Doats, and I watched you eat a wad of paper.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
You will all stay away from that rocket. Did you hear me? What is going on there? Back, back, all of you. Back

General von Rauscher:
Who are you?

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket.

General von Rauscher, Col. Wilhelm Klink:
My dear major, there is no danger of it firing-...

General von Rauscher:
Firing? Who's worried about firing? I'm worried about spying.

General von Rauscher:
Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor?

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
[Zagoskin hands him his notebook] Until I clear you, you will please stop inventing.

[points at Marya]

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Who is that woman?

General von Rauscher:
She is my interpreter, Hochstetter.

Col. Wilhelm Klink:
Yes, Major Hochstetter. And I believe a full corporal.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
What is this bungler doing here?

General von Rauscher:
Responsible for the security of our witness.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR SECURITY HERE. What witness?

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
Hi there.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
What is this man doing here?

General von Rauscher:
Hochstetter, I am in charge of this project. And I am operating UNDER DIRECT AUTHORITY OF THE GERMAN GENERAL STAFF.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Traitors, all of them. What is this man doing here?

General von Rauscher:
I AM IN CHARGE OF SECURITY-...

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE?

General von Rauscher:
He is our witness.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Witness? You have chosen the most dangerous man in all of Germany as a witness. The Gestapo is taking over. I will surround this camp with a ring of steel. Anyone within a hundred yards of this rocket will be shot und reshot.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Berlin is calling every minute. "What happend to the Duke of York?" NOTHING IS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DUKE OF YORK!

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
Bad scene, major.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Hogan, I will not go down alone. If my head is to roll, all heads will roll.

Col. Wilhelm Klink:
Except, major, I quite clearly had no part in this whole affair. Therefore...

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
ALL HEADS WILL ROLL.

Col. Wilhelm Klink:
All heads will roll, that's quite democratic.

Marya:
Poor Putzie. So handsome and so unlucky.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Traitors, all of you. I fully intend - - Hogan, why are you so composed?

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
Well, it's obvious, major. You've already figured how to turn this to your advantage.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
I have?

Col. Wilhelm Klink:
He has?

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
Of course. The ultimate weapon didn't quite work out. But the major has a plan to cripple the entire Russian rocket program.

Col. Wilhelm Klink:
He has?

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Go on, Hogan.

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
You're pulling my leg. You're not arranging right now for Zagoskin to escape to Russia? Of course you are. He'll do for them what he's done for you. That's worthy of Himmler himself, major.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Hogan, I...

Marya:
Major Hochstetter is a genius, Putzie. He has saved us all.

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Ja, I believe I have.

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
You're still going to send me home, aren't you?

Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter:
Of course not. Take him away, Klink. Back to Stalag 13.

Col. Wilhelm Klink:
Schultz, take him away.

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
Cruel, sir, cruel.


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