Jack & Jill

Jack:
You don't keep it fully charged, do you?

Jill:
No, I keep it minimally charged so if I'm ever locked in a laundry room with you I can fully annoy ya'. Who keeps their cell phone fully charged?

Jack:
I do!

Jill:
Well where is it?

Jack:
In the charger.

Jack:
What's the worst that could happen?! In a freak coincidence, everyone already has enough clean clothes for the week. We could starve, or dehydrate, or freeze to death!

Jill:
Or we could skip all that and just kill ourselves. You first.

Elisa:
Is that his new girlfriend?

Mikey:
No. Don't say that. It's not his new girlfriend, okay? She's more of a casual, let's-hope-she-goes-away-soon type o' gal.

Jack:
I can't sleep.

Jill:
Want me to tell you a bedtime story?

Jack:
Sure, why not?

Jill:
Okay. Once I was sleeping with this girl. . .

Jack:
Not that kind.

Jack:
You just don't understand me.

Jill:
It would be really boring if I ever did.

Barto:
I was planning on taking off my clothes and singing "My Heart Will Go On" in the middle of Times Square. You know, something a little less embarrassing.

Audrey:
Well, you can do that on the way home.

Mrs. Zane:
I'm sure you realize the chances of sustaining oneself as a dancer long-term are so slim. Have you thought about what you'll do in the event that things don't work out in the long run?

Audrey:
Well, actually I thought I'd snag a young medical student and get him to marry me before he realizes what a lowbrow loser I am.

Jack:
Look, this is my decision! This is my life! You have to stop.

Jill:
I can't stop! I can't risk not doing the one thing that is gonna keep you here, and I don't know what the one thing is, so I gotta keep doing everything until I hit it.

Jack:
Did I do something wrong?

Jill:
You've done so many things wrong, it feels unfair to pick just one.

Mikey:
How about - "We did it on the floor, we did it by the door, so if you don't mind tonight, let's do it some more?"

Barto:
He's like an X-rated Dr. Seuss.

Jill:
I gotta give you credit. You lived on the edge for once in your life. You didn't even ask what was in the cake. But now you gotta wake up. You gotta wake up, be that same girl I fell in love with. A girl who puts post-its up to remind herself to buy more post-its. A girl who takes ten minutes to custom order a cappuccino. The only person that I know who actually waits until the strike of midnight to set the clocks back. A girl that just...a girl that...just drives me crazy. And it is the best feeling that I've ever had. And I don't ever wanna live without it.

Jack:
I just don't think you should kick yourself just because you don't know what comes next. Maybe this is what comes next, what you're doing right now.

Jill:
I'm not doing anything. There's nothing I can do right now. [pause] What?

Jack:
It's just funny, 'cause when I look at you, all I see is, there's nothing you can't do.