King & Maxwell

Sean King:
I can barely move my hand!

Michelle Maxwell:
You should have read the file

Sean King:
If I could make a fist, I would punch you!

Michelle Maxwell:
What is he doing?

Sean King:
He is talking to the landlady. Now he is motioning for her to follow

Michelle Maxwell:
You realize I can see everything you're seeing, right?

Edgar Roy:
It's burglary!

Sean King:
It's not burglary, we didn't take anything

Edgar Roy:
Took pictures

Sean King:
We took pictures of pictures. It's a gray area

Michelle Maxwell:
When were you talking with dad about high school?

JT Maxwell:
I talked to him last week, on his birthday. Mick, you said you would call him!

Michelle Maxwell:
I was going to. And I didn't

[Benny puts her hand on Edgar's shoulder, Edgar sighs and moves shoulder away]

Benny:
I am sorry, did I do something wrong?

Edgar Roy:
Don't like being touched

Benny:
How come?

Edgar Roy:
I don't remember

Benny:
You know everything in the world but you can't remember why you don't like to be touched?

Edgar Roy:
No! Not everything in the world. Numbers, data, dates, spoken data, printed data, patterns, sounds, smells

Sean King:
Hey, so what's the story behind "Little Mick"?

JT Maxwell:
[giggles] Well, after 4 boys our parents were convinced that they were gonna have another one. So, they want to name her Mick after my grandfather

Sean King:
Michelle was the closest variation?

JT Maxwell:
My dad didn't care she was a girl; he wrote "Mick" right down on the birth certificate. My mom changed the "k" to an "h", but it stuck

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
[Rigby showing out Sean, Michelle and J.T. out the building]

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
I don't want you in my office! I don't want you in the building! J.T., it was a pleasure to meet you J.T. You're welcome anytime. You two: please leave me alone!

JT Maxwell:
Rigby doesn't like you!

Michelle Maxwell:
You're welcome, Rigby

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
You did good. All of you.

Sean King:
All of us?

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
Yeah, you, J.T., Michelle. These are incomplete [hands back paperwork while walking onto elevator] You should think about changing the name of your firm to Maxwell, Maxwell & King

[Elevator with Rigby closes, Michelle and Sean walk back to chairs]

Sean King:
Don't even think about it, Little Mick!

Michelle Maxwell:
Relax, Baby Spinz

Sean King:
Where did you hear that?

Michelle Maxwell:
Your year book. By the way you look good in a mallet, business up front, party in the back. Hey, Sean I didn't know you were captain of your break dancing squad

Sean King:
That must have been a different Sean King

Michelle Maxwell:
I don't think so

Sean King:
And it is "Spin", the "z" is silent

Edgar Roy:
Take it easy!

Sean King:
Where're you going Edgar?

Edgar Roy:
I have a date

Sean King:
A date? With who?

Edgar Roy:
Benny is buying. Wow, late for lunch

Sean King:
You look nice!

Edgar Roy:
I know.

Michelle Maxwell:
Let's watch the security footage. Crappy video quality

Edgar Roy:
Digitalized analog one-to-one conversion, CIF 352x240

Sean King:
What does that mean?

Edgar Roy:
Crappy video quality

Sean King:
Can you clean it up?

Edgar Roy:
Yes

Sean King:
Will you clean it up?

Edgar Roy:
Yes. That will take 3 hours 22 minutes.

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
Well, well, well, look who it is?

Sean King:
Agent Rigby

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
I was beginning to believe I was gonna get through a week without running into you!

Sean King:
Sorry to disappoint you.

Edgar Roy:
You can't trade people! It's illegal

Sean King:
It's a trick Edgar.

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
See? I can be reasonable. Just make me a right offer if you want my help

Michelle Maxwell:
He is not coming.

Sean King:
Yes he is

Michelle Maxwell:
He lives in Alaska

Sean King:
What is your point?

Michelle Maxwell:
You're telling me he woke up this morning, got on a plane and flew 4000 miles to meet up two strangers in the park?

Sean King:
I wouldn't say strangers. I spoke with him on the phone once.

Michelle Maxwell:
Once? You talked to him once?

Sean King:
Yeah!

Hunter Glen:
Excuse me, are you Sean King and Michelle Maxwell!

Michelle Maxwell:
Yes we are!

Hunter Glen:
I am Hunter Glen. I am here for the Katherine Heigl movie

FBI Agent Darius Carter:
[Edgar waiting for Carter to move away from the computer] This better be good!

Edgar Roy:
There are thirty digital video files uploaded that are traceable at the Montrose Park this Friday between 14.30 and 19.30 EST which is what we all know as UTC minus 5

Michelle Maxwell:
[to the parents] In other words the window in which we believe Noah was abducted

Edgar Roy:
Do you work for the FBI also?

Josh Allen:
No, I live here! Noah is my brother. Noah can be a real jerk sometimes, but I really wish he was here

Edgar Roy:
May 24, 1982 my sister took one of my pencils, I bit her on the buttocks.

Michelle Maxwell:
First date: ice skating and hot chocolate at caf? The Apartment

Sean King:
How did my relationship with Joan become a guessing game?

Michelle Maxwell:
Oh? You characterize it as a relationship?

Sean King:
Let's just say I have knack for getting involved with complicated women

Michelle Maxwell:
Ha ha, you want to bait me, you got to do better than that!

Michelle Maxwell:
What's her number?

Sean King:
I think you confuse me with Edgar!

Edgar Roy:
Liz Allen, 202-555-0164

Sean King:
You know what this means, don't you?

Michelle Maxwell:
Yeah, ten years if we get caught!

Sean King:
Ladies first

Michelle Maxwell:
Nice try! I am on top!

Sean King:
That's fun too

Michelle Maxwell:
You were together for three months; you were separated from Dana, but not divorced

Sean King:
Okay, you have my attention

Michelle Maxwell:
You kept your relationship a secret and neither of you are willing to make a real commitment

Sean King:
You just described two third of the man on this planet

Michelle Maxwell:
End of the day: sex with a coworker is like skydiving without a parachute!

Sean King:
We brought Ritter in through the kitchen. The sun came through that window. Then I missed my sunglasses.

Edgar Roy:
What was the time, Sean?

Sean King:
3.14

Edgar Roy:
8 years ago, September 25th. That was a Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, 3.14 post meridian. The solars'azimuth was 237.22, solar elevation was 34.85, declination negative 1.54 degrees

Sean King:
I'll take your word it

Sean King:
I am looking for evidence, stolen auto part

Edgar Roy:
Right place for everything

Sean King:
It's a steering wheel; I want to take it to Rigby, so he can run it for fingerprints

Edgar Roy:
Everything in its right place

Sean King:
What are you not telling me, Edgar?

Edgar Roy:
So many things

Sean King:
Where is the steering wheel, Edgar? [Edgar drinks on] Edgar?

Edgar Roy:
Kitchen cabinet with the other round things

Sean King:
Of course it is

Michael Wallace:
King and Maxwell! The infamous disgraced secret service agents turned private detectives! Why are they here?

Sean King:
We're just here to see our friend Rigby, sir

Michael Wallace:
They are your friends, agent Rigby!

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
Friends is a strong word

Michelle Maxwell:
Hey, thanks for leaving me partner!

Sean King:
Oh, paperwork is no good for my sciatic back

Michelle Maxwell:
You're not sciatic

Sean King:
No, but it is a good word, isn't it?

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
Well, I reached my daily limit of King and Maxwell about an hour ago!

Sean King:
We've only been here for 10 minutes

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
You two, let's go!

Sean King:
You're holding us?

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
I don't have much choice, but now you actually say it, it sounds like a great idea

Michelle Maxwell:
Well, if you can't let us leave, than at least let us help you

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
No!

Michelle Maxwell:
Rigby!

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
Nooo!

Sean King:
We're your friends!

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
No, you're not!

Sean King:
All your colleges are suspects. Right now we are the only ones you can trust!

Michelle Maxwell:
Rigby, this may come as a shock to you, but we're on the same team

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
[Thinks this over] Just don't stand too close to me!

Benny:
Glasses! Her glasses! I've helped a lot of people disappear, changed their identities. People can change a lot, but what is the one thing they can't change?

Edgar Roy:
Deoxyribonucleic acid

Benny:
Yes, their DNA, and their medications!

[Rigby was shot by a sniper]

Michelle Maxwell:
Rigby? Rigby? [Listens to his breath] He's not breathing! [Starts investing Rigby for CPR] A vest? Rigby, you're wearing a vest? Are you even hurt?

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
Yeah, I got the wind knocked out of me

Michelle Maxwell:
Were going to tell before or after the mouth to mouth? Oh my god, you totally tried to pull a Sandlot on me!

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
What?

Michelle Maxwell:
The movie? Squints? Wendy Pfeffercorn? Fake drowning? Never mind! Where was my vest?

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
Standard procedure? Priority targets only

Sean King:
I think I have whiplash

Michelle Maxwell:
He barely tapped us.

Sean King:
You call that a tap?

Michelle Maxwell:
If I had been driving, we wouldn't have got an accident

Sean King:
Whatever helps you sleep at night!

Michelle Maxwell:
Don't start that again

Sean King:
That was Rigby

Michelle Maxwell:
What did he say?

Sean King:
He just wants to thank us for giving Wallace the perfect excuse not to fire him

Michelle Maxwell:
Rigby said that?

Sean King:
That's what he meant. Sounded more like: "I have seen more enough of you two to last me for the rest of my natural born life"

Edgar Roy:
The mail was delivered.

Sean King:
Thank you Edgar!

Edgar Roy:
It wasn't me who delivered it!

Sean King:
Edgar? Who is your friend?

Edgar Roy:
You're my friend Sean, this is a test dummy.

Sean King:
I see.

Michelle Maxwell:
Oh, and by the way: the National Zoo.

Sean King:
What? Where?

Michelle Maxwell:
Panda house.

Sean King:
You did it in front of the pandas?

Michelle Maxwell:
Somebody had to. It is harder when they are endangered!

Edgar Roy:
How does it work, Sean?

Sean King:
How do what work?

Edgar Roy:
Protecting people, Ritter!

Sean King:
It is all about the security matrix, Edgar. The security matrix at an event like Ritter's is like a ballet. Every agent plays their part. The room is broken up into a grid. Each agent is assigned a position. That position is their world. There exists no outside that room

Edgar Roy:
That one! [... ] His eyes are wrong, Sean!

Michelle Maxwell:
You ruined my cousin's quincea?era!

Sean King:
I don't even know what that is!

Michelle Maxwell:
You need aromatherapy!

Sean King:
I don't know what THAT is!

Michelle Maxwell:
You don't know what anything is!

Edgar Roy:
The mail... has arrived!

Michelle Maxwell:
Who's it from?

Edgar Roy:
Doesn't say

Sean King:
But it's addressed to me

Michelle Maxwell:
Uh oh! Does the name Ted Kaczynski mean anything to you?

Edgar Roy:
Unabomber

Sean King:
Relax, guys, it's not ticking

Edgar Roy:
Doesn't need to tick to be a bomb

Sean King:
You're a long way from the beltway

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
You know I get a call whenever you almost get blown up?

Sean King:
Edgar! What'd you got?

Edgar Roy:
I got lots of things. I keep them in this bag. Yesterday I got a state spoon from Delaware

Sean King:
Edgar, Edgar! I am talking about the eyewitness videos

Edgar Roy:
There are 19 data cards collected from the video cameras at the Ritter assassination

Sean King:
Can you stitch them together?

Edgar Roy:
What I am looking for?

Sean King:
Anything that makes you say: "Hot damn!"

Edgar Roy:
Okay

Michelle Maxwell:
[On cell phone waiting in line to get in] Edgar? I am on the list? Edgar...?

Benny:
[Picks up the phone] Michelle? It's Benny. Edgar can't talk now, he's busy forking process daemons so he can malform a dot-host registry

Michelle Maxwell:
Oh? So that's good? I mean is that progress?

Edgar Roy:
Oh Arnold Palmer!

Michelle Maxwell:
Yes! Does that mean I am in?

Benny:
I think he's thirsty

Eddie Finch:
Can you just read me my rights, please?

Sean King:
You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to speak to an attorney.

Michelle Maxwell:
No, no. You missed a bit.

Sean King:
Y...

Michelle Maxwell:
"Anything that you say" being used against you.

Sean King:
I was coming to that.

Michelle Maxwell:
That bit comes before the attorney.

Sean King:
I think it comes after.

Michelle Maxwell:
No, before.

Sean King:
So you've got the whole "right to remain silent" bit, and then...

Michelle Maxwell:
Then "anything you say can be used against you."

Sean King:
"Anything you say or do can be used against you in a court of law."

Michelle Maxwell:
"In a court of law."

Sean King:
And then you've got the whole attorney bit, and then the bit about...

Michelle Maxwell:
Court-appointed attorney.

Sean King:
They appoint you one if you're broke.

Michelle Maxwell:
If you can't afford one. Right. That sounds good.

Sean King:
That sound good to you?

Eddie Finch:
What kind of cops are you?

Michelle Maxwell:
Hold it right there!

Edgar Roy:
Where do you keep your pencils?

Sean King:
Edgar!

Edgar Roy:
I prefer pencils

Michelle Maxwell:
Be careful with that. Edgar, how did you get in?

Edgar Roy:
You need a new security system. And pencils

Sean King:
Good to see you Edgar. How have you been?

Edgar Roy:
I came to do the books... You forgot!

Sean King:
Edgar, can you hack into this site?

Edgar Roy:
Yes

Sean King:
Fantastic!

[Edgar doesn't do anything]

Sean King:
Will you?

Edgar Roy:
No! US DOJ ccip section 31-20. It's against the law, Sean!

Sean King:
Well then, I guess we'll have to do this the old fashion way

Michelle Maxwell:
What you're working on Edgar?

Edgar Roy:
Eh, numbers. Sean wanted bad numbers for Brady Ritter tax return. Filing false tax returns is a felony!

Michelle Maxwell:
Hey Sean, you hear that? Edgar doesn't want you to go to jail!

Sean King:
Eh, well, he may change that tune quick! Not only did I use Angela's email to set up our meeting at Lucy's, I figured out her password. I turned around and hacked it!

Michelle Maxwell:
You hacked it?

Sean King:
Well, Edgar isn't the only computer genius out here

Michelle Maxwell:
Well, pretty sure he is!

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
I love seeing your name on my caller id! That's how I know I am going to have a great day!

[Maxwell talks about a computer hack Edgar and she made]

Sean King:
Define "we"

Michelle Maxwell:
Edgar

Sean King:
Not surprising, not everybody can be a computer genius, isn't that right Edgar?

[Edgar groans]

Michelle Maxwell:
Go ahead, tell him Edgar!

Sean King:
Tell me what?

Edgar Roy:
I hacked Madame Beltways email. You just found her username and password in the browser, Sean!

Sean King:
Well, that isn't hacking?

Michelle Maxwell:
You pressed "Enter"

Sean King:
Edgar? We are going to DC Central, to flush out our hit man

Edgar Roy:
127 arrivals, 104 departures, 4th busiest train station in the United States, Sean!

Sean King:
That's great, Edgar.

Michelle Maxwell:
I consider myself a pretty sexual adventurous person, but feet? Argh!

Sean King:
Yeah. What do you mean: adventurous?

Michelle Maxwell:
Nothing weird! Outdoors, national landmarks and monuments. You know, all those stuff.

Sean King:
You had sex in national landmarks and monuments? Here in DC? How many?

Michelle Maxwell:
Six! Oh, Rixby is here

Sean King:
Six?

Sean King:
So not the Lincoln Memorial! So, the Washington Monument?

Michelle Maxwell:
Do I look like a walking clich??

Sean King:
Well, you said six, but six?

Michelle Maxwell:
Remind me never to share anything with you

Edgar Roy:
Why don't people pay you?

Sean King:
What are you talking about? Of course people will pay us!

Edgar Roy:
These people don't! Why don't people pay you?

Michelle Maxwell:
Betty Camden never paid us? We found her twin sister!

Sean King:
We are private investigators, Edgar, that means people hire us to find the truth. Unfortunately the truth isn't always what the people want to hear, so sometimes they blame us. It's part of the job.

Michelle Maxwell:
See to me, Edgar, that's just a bunch of words. Sean is a lawyer. A man of words. I on the other hand am a woman of action. Take action Edgar! Make these debt pay, just like you did on the IRS.

[Edgar knocks on the dooor about 25 times]

Edgar Roy:
Betty Camden?

Betty Camden:
Yes?

Edgar Roy:
I work for King & Maxwell. You owe them 1786 dollar and 55 cents!

Betty Camden:
Could you wait one moment please?

[Closes door and starts dialing the phone with a 9]

Sean King:
Edgar, where are you going? Edgar, talk to me!

Edgar Roy:
I am talking to you

Sean King:
Tell me what happened?

Edgar Roy:
She asked me to go to clients to get the money to pay

Michelle Maxwell:
Sorry, yes, I meant sent them a bill

Edgar Roy:
"Get those people to pay, just like you did as the IRS", that's what you said, that's what I did

Sean King:
Hey, Edgar, you're hungry, get yourself a hotdog. We'll catch up with you

Edgar Roy:
Just one?

Sean King:
Here, go to town! Eh, no, get two hotdogs!

[Later Edgar returns with at least 4 hotdogs]

Michelle Maxwell:
Divide and conquer! In every partnership you have a alpha-dog and a beta-dog. Just like us

Sean King:
Capital steps? Did any of the six places have a gift shop?

Michelle Maxwell:
Bye

Patty Russo:
Doyle and I met in an abandoned warehouse. I was soloing and we went for the same shotgun. It was online, in Flesh Eaters 2.

Michelle Maxwell:
I hope that's not a dating site

Patty Russo:
Might as well be. We were the last two survivors of the zombie apocalypse; you really get to know someone.

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
How do you keep getting in here?

Sean King:
Special agent Kelso's birthday

Michelle Maxwell:
We brought cake

FBI Agent Frank Rigby:
Out!

Michelle Maxwell:
The Smithsonian! That was a freebee, the next five you've to pay attention!

Edgar Roy:
That's you Sean!

Edgar Roy:
Yeah, that's me. The night presidential candidate Clyde Ritter was assassinated. And I was supposed to protect.

Edgar Roy:
Why did you let him die?

Sean King:
In taught law, in which I got an A in by the way, we had to figure out who is at fault, you work backwards. The explosion was caused by the fire that was caused by the man that tossed the cigarette. The roots of the tragedy lie in the smallest acts. Clyde Ritter died because of sunglasses. My sunglasses. I didn't realized I lost them until I was on stage with Ritter

Sean King:
You wear your sunglasses inside?

Sean King:
You have to be ready. There are flashbulbs, news lights or what happened next. Someone opened up the blinds, sunlight hits me in the eye. It was literally a blink of the eye. I spotted the gun, killed him, but it was too late. Ritter was dead before he hit the floor.

Edgar Roy:
It's your fault he is dead because you lost your sunglasses?

Sean King:
That's right!

Edgar Roy:
You said: to find out who is at fault, work backwards? Blame the sun, Sean!

Sean King:
I wish I could, Edgar. That was good work today. Go home, get some sleep.

[Sean King walks out the room, Edgar reruns the video on Sean's laptop a couple of times]

Edgar Roy:
Hot Damn!