Little House on the Prairie

Laura:
Why don't you give like the rest of the children?

Nellie Oleson:
My mother say's we're not like the rest of the children!

Laura:
I suppose she's right.

Caroline:
I'll be working for Nellie. It's not the same.

Charles:
Besides a few pounds, there's no difference.

Nellie Oleson:
I'll fix her. You'll see.

Laura:
I wanted to clean the blackboards extra good today, to make up for being late.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
And talking in class?

Laura:
I was NOT talking!

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
You were, too!

Laura:
Was NOT! Nellie was TALKING and I was ANSWERING.

Laura:
I hate that Nellie Oleson!

Caroline:
Laura! Don't say "hate" - don't even think "hate"! I'm sure Nellie has her good qualities somewhere.

Charles:
Your ma's right, half-pint. Now on the way home, we'll try and think of some!

Nellie Oleson:
Half the time, you don't even SMELL like a girl! You're either sweaty, or you stink of fish!

Laura:
Well... I sweat a lot and I fish a lot!

Mrs. Oleson:
[after an argument] Mrs. Ingalls, we will not be requiring any more eggs in the immediate future.

Caroline:
Mrs. Oleson, the hens will be RELIEVED to hear that!

Alice Garvey:
Sometimes I wonder how Harriet Oleson has managed to stay alive for as long as she has!

Laura:
You know something, Mary...?

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
No, what?

Laura:
Life sure is a lot easier when you don't like boys!

Mrs. Oleson:
[to her husband, who holds a shotgun, when they catch daughter Nellie with her new husband] Nels - make her a WIDOW!

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Ma, please don't tell me I'm too young to know how I feel!

Caroline:
I wasn't going to tell you that, and don't ever raise your voice to me while you live in this house.

Mrs. Oleson:
If God wanted me to talk with my hands, he wouldn't have given me a mouth.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[looks toward the camera very seriously] I guess even God can make mistakes!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[to Mrs. Oleson] You should be locked up in a cage and fed with a stick; you have made life miserable for everyone.

Mrs. Oleson:
My back is killing me again...

[in the presence of Mrs. Ingalls]

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[doing inventory on his shoes]... and again, and again...

Mrs. Oleson:
What did you say?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
I'm just counting these shoe sizes dear. And a ten and a ten, four sizes.

Mrs. Oleson:
You disgraced me in front of the town.

Reverend Robert Alden:
[trying to heal their broken marriage] Please - there must be forgiveness!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Don't talk to me about forgiveness 'til you lived with a woman like that!

Mrs. Oleson:
tssskkk

[both of them leave the church]

[repeated line]

Nancy Oleson:
YOU HATE ME!

[repeated line]

Mrs. Oleson:
Oh, for HEAVEN'S sakes!

Mrs. Oleson:
Nels, are you going to miss me?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[mutters] Like a crutch.

Mrs. Oleson:
What did you say?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
I said, "very much."

Willa Sweeney:
This is a waste! We're not going to get enough to make any flour. And then we're all going to go hungry.

Caroline Ingalls:
We certainly will go hungry, Willa. If we all work like you do. You're gonna have to try harder.

Isaiah Edwards:
Doc ain't slept a wink. I never seen a man work so hard. [Harriet scoffs] 'Course some folks don't care if he kills himself trying to save that child.

Mrs. Oleson:
Whatever caused him to do that, Mr. Edwards, will never make up for what he didn't do.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
I'll get your order.

Isaiah Edwards:
[About Harriet] Like talking to a Chinese pack mule.

Mrs. Oleson:
What did you say?

Isaiah Edwards:
You heard me.

Mrs. Oleson:
You're rude.

Isaiah Edwards:
You're ugly.

Isaiah Edwards:
This here calls for a celebration. Everybody into the restaurant! Everything's on Mrs. Oleson!

Mrs. Oleson:
[About the mule Doc Baker treated] And he's got a jackass for a patient.

Isaiah Edwards:
That's right. He's got you, and the mule too.

Mrs. Oleson:
Oh shut up, you old reprobate!

Isaiah Edwards:
[Laughs] And you're still ugly!

Mrs. Oleson:
Shut up!

Almanzo James Wilder:
Well, you never minded being called Beth.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Well, that's different.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Why?

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Well, because only you called me that.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Dear God, he's dead. Our baby is dead!

Almanzo James Wilder:
Now, you listen to me. Rose is my child too, and I'm not taking any chances with her life just because of your hatred for Doc Baker!

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Dr. Baker, I won't have you present at the burial of our child.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Beth, please!

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
No. Not when our baby is dead because of him.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Laura!

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Go away. You're not wanted here.

Charles Ingalls:
Stop your crying, woman!

Caroline Ingalls:
I will! In a minute.

Carrie Ingalls:
[Excitedly] I want, molasses!

Laura Ingalls:
If I had a remembrance book, I'd write about the day we came to Plum Creek and saw the house in the ground. I can still remember Pa and Mr. Hanson and how they walked and looked and talked and how we wondered what they said.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, Ingalls family, as soon as you finish soaking your feet, we've got a wagon to unload.

Caroline Ingalls:
We're home?

Charles Ingalls:
We're home.

Laura Ingalls:
We have our own window and we can see the stars.

Mary Ingalls:
We're supposed to be sleeping when the stars are out. And it'll sure be nice to hear the rain on the roof then to have it get us all wet!

Laura Ingalls:
And I've decided something.

Charles Ingalls:
What's that, Half pint?

Laura Ingalls:
Home is the nicest word there is.

Charles Ingalls:
One of the nicest, that's for sure!

Harriet Oleson:
Mr. Ingalls, do you know how many people move out here and plant their crops and run up more bills then they can hope to pay for, then skip out in the dead of night? Hm? Now, I can show you a hole drawer full...

Charles Ingalls:
Mrs. Olson, I can assure you I have no intention of running out in the middle of the night. Thank you.

Laura Ingalls:
In my remembrance book, I put down how Pa used the daylight and a lot of the dark. He said he was counting the days 'till he could stay home and just work the farm. The rest of us only counted the days 'till Sunday - the Lord's day when Pa took us all to church.

Caroline Ingalls:
If God understands farmers, he understands farmer's wives.

Laura Ingalls:
That was the happiest homecoming ever. Because here, Pa said he'd harvested a crop he didn't know he had planted. A harvest of friends!

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles Ingalls!

Charles Ingalls:
Caroline? Oh, you're back already, huh?

Caroline Ingalls:
Earlier than expected, obviously.

Charles Ingalls:
What are you talking about?

Caroline Ingalls:
You couldn't stay awake to go to church and here you are working.

Charles Ingalls:
Oh now Caroline, I woke up and you were gone. I couldn't just sit around the house doing nothing.

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles, the Lord's day is set aside for worship and for rest.

Charles Ingalls:
Caroline, now I got a field to plow and God ain't gonna plow it for me.

Caroline Ingalls:
That is sacrilegious!

Charles Ingalls:
Well to you, maybe, but not to God. He understands famrers.

Laura Ingalls:
I've never seen Ma so sick before.

Charles Ingalls:
Neither did I, darling, but Dr. Baker's with her. He'll do everything he can.

Mary Ingalls:
She ain't gonna die is... is she, Pa?

Charles Ingalls:
There's no reason to be talking like that. God takes care of those that love Him.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
She's gonna be alright. You know Reverend, a doctor would have had difficulty making the decision Caroline did. How she picked exactly the right moment... only God knows.

Reverend Robert Alden:
I'm sure He does, Doctor. I'm sure He does.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
[to Charles about Caroline] The fever's broken! Courageous woman - if she hadn't opened the infection when she did, she would have lost her leg, and probably her life. But now, with rest, she's going to be just fine.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Tell me what you think is wrong, Caroline?

Caroline Ingalls:
Wrong? Nothing. I'm just not 18 anymore. It's pretty obvious, isn't it? I'm going through the change.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Aren't you rather young for that?

Caroline Ingalls:
Well, it happens.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
So, that's your diagnosis, is it?

Caroline Ingalls:
Yes.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
I've got a lot of patients who think they know more than I do. Now, I guess they could save a lot of money by figuring out their own ailments. But well, there's only one problem, they're never right.

Caroline Ingalls:
Ailments? Then there's something wrong.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Nothing that nine months won't cure.

Laura Ingalls:
What's so great about boys anyway?

Andrew 'Andy' Garvey:
Can you fix a barn roof?

Laura Ingalls:
Can you have a baby?

Charles Ingalls:
Why do you have to keep saying that all the time? "Our Son." I mean, we don't know it's gonna be a boy.

Caroline Ingalls:
Because I want a boy. For you!

Charles Ingalls:
Well I don't - not if it means nine months of misery.

Caroline Ingalls:
You made this cradle for our son!

Charles Ingalls:
Caroline, I made the cradle for our child!

Caroline Ingalls:
Why didn't Isaiah take him to a doctor in Sleepy Eye?

Charles Ingalls:
Because he was drunk. Because he was drunk and he panicked.

Charles Ingalls:
Go away, Isaiah. I don't want you near me or my family again.

Charles Ingalls:
I'd like to ask you to forgive me.

Isaiah Edwards:
Me? Forgive you?

Charles Ingalls:
I love you, friend. I miss you so...

Isaiah Edwards:
I miss you too, Charles.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Well, we'll have to think about it.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Mm hm.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
And then we're gonna have to sit down and go over our finances, and then we're gonna have to discuss the benefits and the drawbacks, and then pack my suitcase so I can go!

Mortimer Carstairs:
Excuse me, I think you made a mistake.

William Woestehoff:
I made a what?

William Woestehoff:
I hope this is going to be a lesson to you, Carstairs, because you're an insufferable, odious lout!

Mortimer Carstairs:
[Punches him and knocks him to the ground] I may be a insufferable, odious lout, but I'm one heck of a boxer!

Almanzo James Wilder:
How much are your rooms?

Hotel Clerk:
For one or for two?

Almanzo James Wilder:
For two.

Hotel Clerk:
A dollar and a half.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Do they have two beds?

Hotel Clerk:
Yep.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Well, we'll take it.

Hotel Clerk:
I can't give it to you.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Why not?

Hotel Clerk:
Well, we're full up. There's a convention in town.

John Carter:
Why didn't you tell us in the first place you were full up?

Hotel Clerk:
Well, you didn't ask.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Hey Laura, I have an extra circus ticket. You want it?

Laura Ingalls:
Why would I want it?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Well, I thought you might want to ask Almanzo.

Laura Ingalls:
Almanzo? Why would I want to ask Almanzo?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Well, I just thought maybe you'd like to.

Laura Ingalls:
Boys... They think they know everything!

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Girls! They don't know nothing!

Laura Ingalls:
Anything.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
That's the truth!

Laura Ingalls:
[Rehearsing to herself before asking Almznzo to the circus] Oh Manley, I love you so much! Please go to the circus with me.

Nels Oleson:
A ring master is supposed to be loud and funny.

Harriet Oleson:
Well, you can be loud. And I heard you be funny once.

Josie:
[Talking to Mrs. Oleson after she is hired as a bar maid] You could use a little makeup on those crows feet.

Harriet Oleson:
I beg your pardon? Those aren't crows feet, they are laugh lines!

Josie:
Oh, Honey! Nothin's that funny!

Harriet Oleson:
Well, if you loved [the children] you would send them to the school!

Nels Oleson:
Well, I've got a life insurance policy. If I kill myself, then we'd have enough money to send them to the private school.

Harriet Oleson:
Nells... would you do that?

Nels Oleson:
Of course not!

Harriet Oleson:
I should have known... for one moment there, I felt so close to you!

Mary Ingalls:
[Charles walks into the room all busted up after a fight] Pa, I was afraid you'd get in a fight with those two men.

Charles Ingalls:
You don't have to worry about me. I'm a farmer, not a fighter.

Jonathan Garvey:
You can say that again.

Laura Ingalls:
Did you ever hear anyone ever make up an excuse like that?

Charles Ingalls:
Mm hm. Yeah. You.

Eva Beadle:
Well, I'd say that settles it, wouldn't you? Unless Willie would like to explain how Mary's nickel fell out of his pocket.

Mary Ingalls:
That's about mining. That's not homework.

Laura Ingalls:
It's history, and it is.

Mary Ingalls:
I thought you hated history.

Laura Ingalls:
I do.

Mary Ingalls:
Then how come you're staying up so late reading it?

Laura Ingalls:
Well, it's a sin to hate and I'm trying to get over it.

Mary Ingalls:
How long are you gonna read?

Laura Ingalls:
Until I'm finished.

Nellie Oleson:
Whispering's rude!

Laura Ingalls:
So is listening in to the people who are doing it.

Laura Ingalls:
Pa, is it wrong if a person is doing something for the good of her family if she doesn't come right out and say what it is?

Charles Ingalls:
You mean like a surprise?

Laura Ingalls:
Yeah.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, you and I wouldn't know who this person is, would we?

Laura Ingalls:
No fair asking.

Laura Ingalls:
You know how dangerous it would be if she found out? You could be murdered.

Jonah:
By Nellie?

Laura Ingalls:
Mm hm.

Adam Kendall:
Uncle Theodore had twins, you know.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
Twins?

Adam Kendall:
Yeah. I even heard of an aunt on my mother's side that had triplets.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
Are you sure?

Adam Kendall:
Nah, I guess she could have miscounted.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
I can't believe they'll be here to see our baby, Adam!

Adam Kendall:
Babies, remember? Many, many babies!

Laura Ingalls:
Many babies?

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
Don't worry. He's just joking... I hope.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
No ma'am, I came back to thank you.

Harriet Oleson:
To thank me? For what?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Well, my Pa's been real busy lately, and he hasn't actually read the book himself. I'm hoping he never finds out what's in it. Bye.

Harriet Oleson:
Wait a minute! What do you mean? What's in it?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Oh, stuff about my Ma. I can't believe that my own grandfather would write such things down for the whole world to see!

Harriet Oleson:
Really? Like what?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
I'm too ashamed to repeat them, ma'am.

Harriet Oleson:
Oh Albert, you can tell me. After all, your mother and I are old friends! There isn't anything that you could tell me that would change my opinion about her.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Well, there was this one part where my Ma was in a public place, and she...

Harriet Oleson:
What? What did she do?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
She didn't DO anything.

Harriet Oleson:
Well...

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
She wasn't wearing anything either.

Harriet Oleson:
You mean she was...

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Naked.

Almanzo James Wilder:
[trying to give Laura a nickname] What's your given name?

Laura:
Laura Elizabeth Ingalls.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Laura Elizabeth...

[pause]

Almanzo James Wilder:
How about Beth?

Charles Ingalls:
What are you dressed for? A wedding or a funeral?

Laura:
[Giggles]

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Ah, I just thought I should look nice for the first day back to school.

Laura:
That's not the reason and you know it!

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
It is too!

Laura:
Mm mm... He's so sure the new teacher's gonna be pretty, he's in love with her already!

Nellie Oleson:
Who's going to do the cooking?

Mrs. Oleson:
What?

Nellie Oleson:
I said, who's going to do the cooking?

Mrs. Oleson:
Well darling, who's name is on the window?

Nels Oleson:
Was on the window.

Mrs. Oleson:
Oh Nels, please!

Nellie Oleson:
Mother, I don't like to cook.

Mrs. Oleson:
I know darling. You don't like to cook at home. But after all, this is your own, very own restaurant!

Nels Oleson:
Mother, I don't like cooking... At home or here!

Mrs. Oleson:
Now, Nellie dear... I want you to understand what it means to have an establishment such as this - what the advantages are in having it. When I first met your father, I had a small mercantile business. Of course, he was quite smitten with me when he first laid eyes on me. But... well, having such a business... Well, it rather helped getting married, shall I say. Of course, I realize that there are many young men around Hero Township that have their cap set for you. But, maybe they're just shy. Or perhaps they're just afraid that they can't support you in the manner in which you're accustomed. Do I make myself clear, Nellie?

Nellie Oleson:
Yes, Mother.

Mrs. Oleson:
Good. Now, do you like y our gift?

Nellie Oleson:
Yes, Mother.

Mrs. Oleson:
Good. Now, are there any more questions?

Nellie Oleson:
Yes.

Mrs. Oleson:
Mm?

Nellie Oleson:
Who's going to do the cooking?

Laura:
You go ahead. I'll catch up.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Why?

Laura:
I uh... I forgot something at school.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
What?

Laura:
I don't know. That's what I forgot.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Pleasure to meet you, Laura. My friends call me Manny.

Laura:
Pleasure to meet you... Manley!

Mrs. Oleson:
Please... God... Send someone to marry her!

Charles Ingalls:
Caroline, doing dishes is not a man's work.

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles, don't be sacrilegious.

Charles Ingalls:
I'm not!

Caroline Ingalls:
Then you do believe in the Bible.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, of course I believe in the Bible! What's that got to do with dishes?

Caroline Ingalls:
2 Kings 21:13: 'And I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it and turning it upside down.' Bible's by the bed. You can look it up.

Laura:
If I had a remembrance book, I'd write down this day as something to remember. Though I didn't know it at the time, I'd met the man I would someday marry. Almonzo Wilder!

Laura Ingalls:
Can I go back to school now?

Caroline Ingalls:
First you have another apology to make... to Almanzo.

Laura Ingalls:
I can't!

Caroline Ingalls:
You can... and you will.

Laura Ingalls:
I won't. I won't!

Nellie Oleson:
Something must be wrong with my eyes. I thought I saw you kiss that little girl.

Almanzo James Wilder:
For luck. She's got a big test today.

Nellie Oleson:
Oh yes. She'll need luck.

Nellie Oleson:
Well Laura Dear, what a surprise! Almanzo and I were just having lunch together. How did you do on the test?

Laura Ingalls:
It was all history.

Nellie Oleson:
You're joking!

Laura Ingalls:
Miss Wilder says they're always all history.

Nellie Oleson:
Well now that I think back, maybe there was more history than I thought. I hope your not angry.

Laura Ingalls:
Why should I be? It wasn't on purpose, was it?

Nellie Oleson:
Of course not.

Laura Ingalls:
Well, neither is this! [Shoves her into the muddy lake]

Harriet Oleson:
Your Laura did this!

Caroline Ingalls:
Laura?

Nellie Oleson:
She attacked me! Tried to kill me!

Caroline Ingalls:
Why?

Nellie Oleson:
Because... I saw her and Almanzo Wilder kissing! And I told her I would tell.

Charles Ingalls:
You... saw them... kissing?

Nellie Oleson:
She's with him now! They rode off in his buckboard!

Charles Ingalls:
They... they rode off in a buckboard, huh?

Nellie Oleson:
Toward his place!

Charles Ingalls:
Jonathan, I need a ride.

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles, don't do anything in haste!

Charles Ingalls:
Haste? Oh no Caroline, I'm not going to do anything in haste! I'm going to take all the time in the world while I beat Almanzo Wilder within an inch of his life!

Almanzo James Wilder:
You don't think that I... Well, Beth's just a little girl.

Charles Ingalls:
Mr. Wilder, I uh... I really owe you an apology. I'm very sorry.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Yeah. So am I.

Charles Ingalls:
My wife told me to not act in haste. I guess I should have listened to her.

Almanzo James Wilder:
I understand. If I had a little girl, I'd have probably done the same.

Laura Ingalls:
Will you both stop it! Stop calling me a little girl! And talking about me like I'm not even here! I'm a woman! A woman! And I hate all of you!

Jud Larrabee:
I don't need no n*gger defending me! I don't need nobody! You understand, I don't need nobody!

Laura Elizabeth Ingalls Wilder:
[having found a baby] Oh my, you need to have your panties changed, don't you, baby? Well, all I've got is a towel, but it's clean. Now don't you cry. Be a good little... [looks discreetly at baby's privates and smiles]... girl.

Laura Elizabeth Ingalls Wilder:
I didn't realize how late it was.

Charles Philip Ingalls:
Alright, upstairs now! GO ON! [Laura goes up to the loft, Charles follows] Alright, young lady, suppose you tell me where you've been!

Laura Elizabeth Ingalls Wilder:
I was walking.

Charles Philip Ingalls:
You were walking? Not towards home, I take it. I can't hear you!

Laura Elizabeth Ingalls Wilder:
No, sir.

Charles Philip Ingalls:
Then where were you walking?

Laura Elizabeth Ingalls Wilder:
By the lake.

Charles Philip Ingalls:
Do you have any idea how upset we get when you just disappear?

Laura Elizabeth Ingalls Wilder:
Yes, sir. I'm sorry.

Charles Philip Ingalls:
Well 'sorry' isn't enough. Now I haven't given you a whippin' in a long time and I think I've been making a mistake.

Harriet Oleson:
It's your responsibility to discipline the boy, now you...

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Alright, alright. Willie, were you or were you not looking at the corsett ads in the catalogue.

Carrie Ingalls:
[after Laura was sent to her room] Laura's gonna get it.

Laura Ingalls:
I knew I'd never see my Grace again, and my life would never be the same. For I had learned what it is to love a baby, all because of a bottle that floated down a creek and into my heart. I pray that one day, I'll have a baby of my own. My very own.

Harriet Oleson:
Oh for Heaven's Sake, don't you know your Bible? It explicitly says: "Look not upon me because I am black."

Nels Oleson:
That's from the Song of Solomon, Harriet. It's supposed to be a love song, not hate propaganda. And the quotation goes on to say "I am black because the sun hath darkened me." And it also says "I am black, but beautiful."

Harriet Oleson:
And that only goes to prove that even the Devil can quote the scriptures.

Nels Oleson:
I know.

Nellie Oleson:
Mother says that colored people are that way because they bare the mark of Cain and so they are never going to get into Heaven. Is that right, Father?

Nels Oleson:
Of course not!

Harriet Oleson:
Hare dare you contradict me?

Nellie Oleson:
She also says that colored people don't have souls because they're not made in the image of God.

Nels Oleson:
Oh! Oh, have you actually seen God, Harriet?

Reverend Robert Alden:
Congratulations, Nels! You'll get your reward in Heaven.

Nels Oleson:
Well I hope your right, Reverend. Because it's gonna be hell on earth when I get home.

Charles Ingalls:
Adam, there's two things the blind should approach with cauthion: buzz saws and buying horses.

Harriet Oleson:
Mr. Kagan, I want you to know that I don't think there is any such thing as a right color or a wrong color for that matter. And I've always been the kind of person who always thought that it's what's inside a person that counts.

Nels Oleson:
[after unloading the ridiculously huge plaque his wife ordered] Oh, I think I hurt myself this time.

Jonathan Garvey:
You want me to get doc Baker?

Nels Oleson:
[holding his side in pain] I wish Harriet was here.

Jonathan Garvey:
You miss her that much?

Nels Oleson:
[Angrily] I'd kill her!

Caroline Ingalls:
Miss Beadle, where are the children?

Eva Beadle:
I sent them home early.

Willie Oleson:
All but Nellie and me. We had to stay and wash the blackboards!

Caroline Ingalls:
When did they leave?

Eva Beadle:
Quite a while ago. They finished their work and they were so excited about Christmas and... they were only flurries when I left. I'm sure they had time to get home...

Grace Snider Edwards:
They've been gone a long time. It's gonna be pitch black before long.

Caroline Ingalls:
They could be on their way back here by now.

Grace Snider Edwards:
I had the strangest feeling when Henry came in. I watched Lottie hold him and I was angry. I was angry because it wasn't me holding my children. I know it was wrong of me to think that, but I couldn't help it.

Lottie McGinnis:
Where's my husband? They said he was with you.

Jim Bowers:
Well, he was, Mrs. McGinnis, but he went on looking for Henry.

Lottie McGinnis:
But Henry's here.

Grace Snider Edwards:
Isaiah and the children will be here any minute. He spent his whole life in the mountains. Why, this is just a little snowfall for him. You wait and see! He'll be here! He will! Just as soon as he can...

Lottie McGinnis:
[Background] Noooooooooo!

[Laura finds out that Nellie has been pretending to be paralyzed. Instead of confronting Nellie for her lies and for forcing Laura to serve her, Laura finds a better way to pay her back. She takes Nellie in her wheelchair to the top of the hill overlooking the town. Laura waits till she sees Mrs. Oleson passing by, driving a cart]

Laura:
[calls loudly, waving her hands] Mrs. Oleson! Mrs. Oleson, I'm here!

[Mrs. Oleson stops the cart, looks upward and sees Laura and Nellie on the hill top]

Mrs. Oleson:
[angrily] And... wa... Laura Ingalls! What have you done with the filthy animal?

[Laura hurries to Nellie]

Laura:
Nellie, your mother wants you!

[Laura gives Nellie a firm shove. Nellie screams in fear as the wheelchair rolls down the hill slope, accelerating rapidly. Mrs. Oleson gapes]

Mrs. Oleson:
[in horror] Nellie!

Laura:
[smiles gloatingly] You're such a good friend, Nellie!

[Nellie's wheelchair rolls down the hill, until it reaches the ground level. It stops abruptly, sending Nellie headfirst into a muddy small pond]

Mrs. Oleson:
Nellie!

[Nellie stands up whimpering, forgetting that she is "paralyzed", completely soaked. Mrs. Oleson is so overjoyed to see her daughter's sudden "recovery", that she forgets to be angry at Laura]

Mrs. Oleson:
[emotionally] Nellie... my baby... it's a miracle!

[Mrs. Olseon faints of joy, falling backward from her cart. Later, Laura goes to see Mr. Oleson. He is not upset at Laura, but quite content that his mean daughter got what she deserved for her lies]

Nellie Oleson:
Serves you right. I told you not to feed my horse.

Laura:
She likes apples.

Nellie Oleson:
I don't care what she likes! She's not your horse anymore. She's mine. And I told you to stay away from her! You only do it because you want her to like you more than she likes me.

Laura:
So that's why you give Miss Beadle apples.

Nels Oleson:
Harriet, it was an accident.

Mrs. Oleson:
Well, it wasn't! That horse deliberately ran right into that tree! It was no accident!

Charles:
Mr. Hanson was feeling poorly was he?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[after drinking the spiked water and obviously drunk] ya, ya He was dizzy, he was very diz he he ha ha ha

Charles:
What's so funny?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
I don't know.

Charles:
Are you sure you're all right?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
FINE AND DANDY! Trouble is I can't seem to get enough of this water.

Charles:
Anyway I'll see you at the meeting.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
What meeting?

Charles:
The meeting at the church. We're going to decide whether to let kezia in the congregation or not.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
O that meeting, I'll be there!

Charles:
See you tonight.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[Loudly] YOU BET YA CHARLES!

[Charles looks confused and then gives a confused smile]

Nellie Oleson:
I don't see any coffee.

Mary Ingalls:
Nellie!

Nellie Oleson:
Well, this is dumb! I don't see any coffee!

Kezia Horn:
Well then, you'll have to leave.

Nellie Oleson:
What?

Kezia Horn:
You can't drink coffee you can't see. You might burn yourself.

Kezia Horn:
My name is Kezeia. Some people call me Kizzy. Some people call me crazy. Some people don't call me at all.

Reverend Robert Alden:
Nels, the meeting's over. Your wife's gone home.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Oh, well that explains why it's so quiet in here.

Charles Ingalls:
There's no doubt that boy needs help.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
His father needs help too.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, maybe you're a better Christian than I am, Doc. I don't care about his father. I just care about the boy.

Caroline Ingalls:
We came here to help the boy. All I hear talk about is punishing the father.

Mr. Kennedy:
He's earned punishment!

Caroline Ingalls:
Hurt the father and you hurt the boy. Because he loves his father. Destroy the father and you destroy the boy.

Graham Stewart:
That big one... he'll probably lay a ton of eggs too.

Mary Ingalls:
That's a rooster. A boy chicken. Boy chickens don't lay eggs.

Graham Stewart:
Then how do you tell which is which?

Mary Ingalls:
Their just... well, they're different. You know... different. Boy chickens are like Pa's and girl chickens are like Ma's and... Well, there's one way to tell. If you lift a girl chicken off the next, there'll be an egg under her.

Graham Stewart:
Boy chicken... no egg.

Charles Ingalls:
I sure miss my wife. When'd you loose yours?

John Stewart:
A long time ago.

Charles Ingalls:
What was her name?

John Stewart:
Lucy.

Charles Ingalls:
How'd she die?

John Stewart:
What's the difference?

Charles Ingalls:
Nothing to me, I just wondered... What'd she die of?

John Stewart:
She died giving birth to the boy.

Charles Ingalls:
I guess that's why you blame him for her death.

John Stewart:
Why I what?

Charles Ingalls:
Why you blame the boy for his mother's death.

John Stewart:
I don't do that.

Charles Ingalls:
Sure you do. You tell him that every time you beat him. You say he is why his mother died.

Laura:
Pa, can I ride Bunny into town instead of riding in the wagon?

Charles:
I guess so, but is that because you feel like riding or because you want to make Nellie jealous?

Laura:
[pause] A little of both, I guess.

Carrie Ingalls:
Happy birthday, Baby Jesus.

Laura:
I hate that Nellie Olsen!

Caroline Ingalls:
Laura! Don't say hate. Don't even think hate! I know you're angry but try and understand. I'm sure Nellie must have some fine qualities in her.

Charles:
You're mother's right. And on the way home, we'll try to think of one.

Charles:
Well, the prices are going up.

Harriet Oleson:
Of course, Mr. Ingalls. It's Christmas.

Charles:
Did the price of eggs go up too?

Harriet Oleson:
Of course not!

Charles:
Now I know what Dickens was talking about when he wrote about Ebenezer Scrooge.

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles Ingalls!

Raven:
Time to go! Time to go!

Charles Ingalls:
I think the bird's right. Time to go to school!

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Hansen, when are you going to come in and let me take care of that headache?

Lars Hanson:
I took the pills and they don't work!

Dr. Hiram Baker:
[to Charles] I want to give him an examination. A thorough examinagion.

Lars Hanson:
Inside my head?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
A pain's not a disease, it's a symptom. Your body's telling me there's something wrong somewhere. I want to find it!

Lars Hanson:
A headache is a headache. Even you can cure it or you can't cure it.

Benjamin Cohen:
Let me put it clearly so you will understand. This baby will be Jewish.

Harriet Oleson:
Mm mm. Half Jew.

Benjamin Cohen:
There is no such thing as half a jew.

Harriet Oleson:
Ah ha! Then he will be a whole Christian!

Harriet Oleson:
Could you imagine my daughter giving birth to a jew? Can you imagine what that child will be like? Nervy and greedy and pushy and always after food and cheap, cheap, cheap!

Nels Oleson:
Harriet, you know you just opened my eyes.

Harriet Oleson:
Oh! Well, it's about time you start listening to me!

Nels Oleson:
Yes. Yes I am. If all that you are saying is true, then you must be Jewish.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
Is this what religion is all about? Anger? Fighting? Hatred? Well, if it is, Nellie and I don't want any part of it.

Carrie Ingalls:
I want a new dress for my dolly.

Charles Philip Ingalls:
[laughs] You'll get one, sweetheart.

Mary Ingalls:
That Nellie Olsen's the meanest girl I ever did see. I could never be that mean!

Laura Ingalls:
I could... meaner! If Ma and Pa'd let me!

[repeated line]

Nellie Oleson:
Country girls.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
That Nellie Oleson is the meanest girl I ever did see! I could never be as mean as that!

Laura:
I could - meaner!

[pause]

Laura:
If Ma and Pa would let me!

Laura Ingalls:
Ma, how long is all this learning going to take?

Caroline Ingalls:
We start learning the minute we're born, Laura. And if we're wise, we don't stop until the Lord calls us home.

Laura Ingalls:
THAT long?

Laura Ingalls:
From the sound of you, you'd think we came up on a flock of prairie chickens!

Laura Ingalls:
Pa, hat, h-a-t, hat.

Charles Philip Ingalls:
B-e-d, bed!

Laura Ingalls:
If I had a remembrance book, there's one thing I'd want to put in it about school. Ma and Pa were right. It is fun, especially when all the different letters started turning into words. But learning to write was one of the hardest things I ever hoped to do.

Harriet Oleson:
I expect you're here to apologize for what happened yesterday at school.

Caroline Ingalls:
I'm here to sell eggs, Mrs. Olsen.

Harriet Oleson:
Hm... Well, I might have expected as much. Let me tell you something, Mrs. Ingalls. Your daughter Laura is a trouble maker and you best take her in hand! Starting fights in the school yard and pushing other children around!

Caroline Ingalls:
Nellie apparently has her own version of the truth. If you will question some of the other children...

Harriet Oleson:
Brown eggs are still four cents less. You didn't bring any brown eggs!

Caroline Ingalls:
Oh, my husband sold them to a man at Hansen's mill for three cents more than you paid me.

Harriet Oleson:
That's gratitude...

Caroline Ingalls:
No, that's good business.

Harriet Oleson:
Maybe they'll buy your white eggs as well.

Caroline Ingalls:
As a matter of fact, my husband said he'd be glad to do so.

Laura Ingalls:
You wanta fight, I'll fight. You wanta play, we're playing Uncle John!

Harriet Oleson:
I swear, I will never understand that woman as long as I live! It's one thing to be poor, but its another thing to admit it.

Nellie Oleson:
Well, the poor are ignorant, Mother. That's why they never amount to anything.

Harriet Oleson:
How true, how true! Thank heavens we're rich!

Nellie Oleson:
Amen.

Harriet Oleson:
Well don't look at me. It's not my fault! I was never married before.

Nels Oleson:
Of course not! What other idiot would have married you?

Harriet Oleson:
Thank God we still have the store.

Nels Oleson:
Not we, Harriet. I still have the store. Remember?

Harriet Oleson:
Nels, you can't mean...

Nels Oleson:
I can. And I certainly do. Well, you're the one that laid down that law.

Harriet Oleson:
[Cries] But how am I going to pay my bills?

Nels Oleson:
You figure it out. That's what comes of buying all this nonsense on credit. Piano, jewelry, crystal... You said you can pay it all yourself. Well, now you can do it.

Harriet Oleson:
But how?

Nels Oleson:
Get a job.

Harriet Oleson:
Get a job? Where?

Nels Oleson:
That's a very good question, Harriet.

Amanda Cooper:
[Toby is singing "Beautiful Dreamer" outside her house. She hurries outside, very upset] Mr. Noe... Mr. Noe! This harassment has got to stop!

Toby Noe:
I'm not harassing you. I'm courting you.

Amanda Cooper:
Well, I have no wish to be courted. Now, will you please get off my veranda?

Toby Noe:
[singing] Beautiful Dreamer...

Amanda Cooper:
Go home, you exasperating man!

Toby Noe:
[singing] Beautiful...

Amanda Cooper:
All Right. You can come to tea tomorrow.

Toby Noe:
[singing quietly] Beautiful Dreamer...

Dr. Caleb Ledoux:
You sent me out to take care of a horse?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Yes.

Dr. Caleb Ledoux:
I didn't study all those years to become a doctor to take care of horses and cows!

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Oh. Well, you told me you knew was all about. Now, obviously you don't. You see, we country doctors, we take care of as many horses and cows and pigs and sheep as people sometimes. Now, if you're to proud to tend to livestock when they need it, just tell me. You can go back to the city. Minneapolis has a lot of fine hospitals that would just love to have someone with your splendid qualifications.

Nathan Sherman:
It really gets under my skin. When I think of how many good men, like my brother, died fighting a war just so the likes of you could go to school...

Jenny Sherman:
Nathan, please...

Nathan Sherman:
I'm just sayin' what folks in town are thinkin'.

Dr. Caleb Ledoux:
Mr. Sherman, I'm very well aware of how many good men died in that war. 646,392 good men to be exact.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
[Nellie is singing badly] Can I get you something for your throat, Nellie?

Nellie Oleson:
[Nellie slams down the cover on the piano and leaves] Huuu!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[Nellie is singing badly] Wouldn't you like a nice hot cup of tea?

Nellie Oleson:
Oh no father, mother says never drink any hot liquids after singing... something about blistering the vocal chords?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Better your chords than my ears.

Nellie Oleson:
What was that father?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
I said you better take care of your chords, my dear.

Nellie Oleson:
Oh, I will father.

Nellie Oleson:
Would you like to hear another song?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
*No*, well I mean...

[knock]

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Sounds like Doc Baker.

Nellie Oleson:
I wonder what he's doing here.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
He probably heard your singing and thought someone was dying!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Oh, come in Doctor.

[Nellie starts singing again]

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
You know how we're having so much trouble agreeing on a name if it's a girl? Well... Cassandra brought me a rose today. And I thought... that's it... Rose Wilder. I love the sound of it. What do you think? Manley [Discovers he's asleep] Rose Wilder it is.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Until the baby comes, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of Almanzo.

Eliza Jane Wilder:
Nonsense, you won't have to!

Almanzo James Wilder:
Nothing's going to do me any good! I'm a cripple, and that's how I'm going to be for the rest of my life!

Almanzo James Wilder:
How many times do I have to tell you guys before you accept the fact that I'm not going to work? Do you think I want to be in this chair?

Charles Ingalls:
I'm beginning to wonder.

Charles Ingalls:
Your never alone, Half Pint. Not ever.

Melinda Foster:
Oh Laura, when are you moving to Minneapolis?

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
When it snows on the Fourth of July!

Almanzo James Wilder:
I know it's small. We'll all be living in one room for awhile.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
I'm used to that.

Almanzo James Wilder:
You'll have to fetch the water from the well because there's no pump in the kitchen like before.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
I'm used to that too.

Almanzo James Wilder:
And we're gonna be down right poor for a time. But the Farmer's Almanac predicts a good year. Cool summer, mild winter.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
If the Almanac says it's so, it's so.

Almanzo James Wilder:
We're right back where we started, you might say. But the land is ours. And nobody can take it away from us.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
I was just checking to see if you'd grown overnight. Apparently from the first line in your letter you are... uh... six feet, one inch tall?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
I can explain.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
And you're the fastest and tallest and most popular boy in Walnut Grove!

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
If you'll just let me explain...

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
And obviously the bravest since only yesterday, you saved your sister's life by leaping onto the back of a runaway horse, and you practically tore his ears off trying to get him to stop?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Now, will you just listen for a minute and stop sounding like a sister?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Can I call you Pa again?

Charles Ingalls:
Yeah. But not in front of the conductor.

Laura:
I should've kicked her in the face! I should've scratched out her eyes!

Mary Ingalls:
Laura, are you asleep? Laura, answer me! Are you asleep?

Laura Ingalls:
Why do you do that?

Mary Ingalls:
Do what?

Laura Ingalls:
Tell me to answer you if I'm asleep. Because if I'm asleep, I would have to wake up to answer you and then I wouldn't be asleep anymore.

Mary Ingalls:
You know your right. For now on, I'll ask you if you're awake. [Later] Laura, are you awake?

Laura Ingalls:
No.

Lars Hanson:
How is it that a beautiful girl like that puts her arms around you the first time she sees you?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Irresistible impulse. Back East, I used to have to fight the women off.

Lars Hanson:
So... tell me, is this a meeting of the liar's club or are we going to play pinakle?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
I play pinnacle. I don't know what it is you play.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
I have an announcement to make and I don't know why I'm being so formal. You're all my friends and I want you to know I am the luckiest man in the world. I have asked this woman... Kate thorton... to be my wife.

Charles Ingalls:
What did she say?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Oh, she said yes!

Ebenezer Sprague:
Young lady, I have been fishing for more years than you have been alive! My lures are perfect for this area, and I've read all the books on the matter!

Laura Ingalls:
Well, maybe the problem is that the fish just haven't read the books.

Harriet Oleson:
Well, it's just that we've become such close business associates and all that I think it would be putting unfair pressure on the man. Don't you see?

Caroline Ingalls:
Who is this man, Mrs. Olsen?

Harriet Oleson:
Mr. Sprague, of course. You can't expect the owner of the town's leading business establishment to ask for charity from the town banker. Can you?

Caroline Ingalls:
Well, I would have thought it would put you in a fine spot for a fine donation.

Harriet Oleson:
Well no. No, I'm sure... Well... No, I don't think it's proper.

Caroline Ingalls:
Well Mrs. Olsen, if you're afraid to ask Mr. Sprague, I'll be glad to ask him for you.

Ebenezer Sprague:
He sent you here to reason with me about his loan?

Caroline Ingalls:
Oh no, I'm not here about my husband's loan.

Ebenezer Sprague:
Mrs. Ingalls, I told your husband that I would have to have some time to think it over. And when I do make my decision, it will be based on sound business reasoning, not on the wiles of a woman.

Laura Ingalls:
Have you ever had a family?

Ebenezer Sprague:
No, I never had time.

Laura Ingalls:
It doesn't take that long. I've been to a wedding in church and it just took a couple minutes.

Charles Ingalls:
I came here to tell you that my little girl is not a liar.

Ebenezer Sprague:
Well, I have nothing to say about that.

Charles Ingalls:
Well I have something to say about it. Now, you broke that little girl's heart. She went down to the pond every day to see her best friend, that's what she called you. Her best friend.

Ebenezer Sprague:
Yes, because she wanted me to lend you money.

Charles Ingalls:
She didn't have the slightest idea who you were. And as for the loan, I wouldn't take it if it meant I'd lose everything. My little girl gave something to you, friendship. You took it and threw it right back in her face.

Ebenezer Sprague:
I don't need any friends.

Charles Ingalls:
Well that good for you, Mr. Sprague, because you don't have any. You know, I feel sorry for you. You can't take anything; and you can't give anything except money. And as far as I'm concerned, that means you don't have anything at all.

Harriet Oleson:
I wanted to meet you before you got the notion that there was absolutely nobody like you in the town.

Ebenezer Sprague:
Like me?

Harriet Oleson:
Mm hm.

Harriet Oleson:
Uh... educated people of quality and uh... [giggles]... substance. I uh... I come from a city also, Mr. Sprague, as I'm sure that you do.

Ebenezer Sprague:
Mrs. Olsen, I quit school when I was in third grade. My father was a farmer. I never saw a city until I was seventeen, and then I didn't like it. Now, if you have some business to transact, I'll be with you in just a moment just as soon as I finish with Mr. Ingalls.

Laura Ingalls:
How does a bank make money if they just give it to other folks?

Mary Ingalls:
Interest.

Laura Ingalls:
Sure I'm interested. That's why I asked.

Mary Ingalls:
No silly. I said interest. You have to pay back more than you borrow.

Laura Ingalls:
Really?

Mary Ingalls:
Yep.

Laura Ingalls:
Mary, do you have any money?

Mary Ingalls:
No. Why?

Laura Ingalls:
I was thinking I might loan you a penny.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
I'll raise you a cow you can be proud of.

Charles Ingalls:
First lesson, Albert. Male calves very rarely grow up to be cows.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Oh yeah. Then I won't expect it to give much milk.

Nellie Oleson:
Oh it's Pa now, is it?

Laura Ingalls:
Leave me alone.

Nellie Oleson:
Well, your father's always wanted a son. Guess he finally got one.

Laura Ingalls:
Shut up, Nellie!

Nellie Oleson:
What's a matter, Nellie? Don't you like your new brother? [Giggles]

Laura Ingalls:
[PUNCH]

Laura Ingalls:
Nobody cares about me! Nellie gets punished, everybody cares. Fagin gets sick, everybody cares.

Caroline Ingalls:
Laura, that's not true!

Laura Ingalls:
Yes it is. I know it's true. And Albert... I thought he liked me... But it wasn't me he wanted. It was Pa - MY Pa! He doesn't want to spend any time with me anymore. He's always with Albert and that stupid calf! And Albert... He calls him 'Pa.' But don't expect me to call him my brother, because he isn't!

Laura Ingalls:
I'd like to accept this award for my brother, Albert.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[to his wife] It would be better off for this whole town if you were locked up in a cage and fed with a stick! You have made life miserable for everyone...

Mrs. Oleson:
You disgraced me before of the whole town, and I want nothing less than a public apology!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
I disgraced YOU? YOU disgraced ME!

[they yell at each other. The reverend tries to make peace]

Reverend Robert Alden:
Please, there must be forgiveness!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Forgiveness? Don't talk to me about forgiveness till you lived with a women like that.

Mrs. Oleson:
Tssskkk...

[both of them leave the church]

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Get out of that candy!

Mrs. Oleson:
How stingy!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
I'm not stingy. Their teeth will fall out. Is that what you want to happen? Their teeth to fall out?

Mrs. Oleson:
You may each have three pieces of candy. Take them nicely and then run off to school.

[Caroline brings basket of eggs to the Olesons' store. Harriet examines the eggs criticizingly and offers to pay Caroline less than the usual price. Nels intervenes]

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
There's nothing wrong with those eggs.

Mrs. Oleson:
I think I'll be the judge of that.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Judge? You're not the judge of anything.

Mrs. Oleson:
Bu...

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
You want to know what you are? I'm gonna tell you what you are...

Mrs. Oleson:
[while Nels is still talking] What do you think you are doing?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
You are a mean, nasty-tempered woman and it would be better off for this whole town...

Mrs. Oleson:
Who do you think you are, calling me mean and nasty-tempered?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
It would be better off for this whole town if you were locked up in a cage and fed with a stick! You have made life miserable for...

Mrs. Oleson:
Why, you ungrateful louse!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Oh, is that right?

Mrs. Oleson:
Yes!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Well, let me tell you something. It's about a put my foot down! It's about time you find out who wears the pants in this family! For now on, I would judge the eggs around here.

[Harriet stares at Nels with mixed expression of anger and surprise]

Mrs. Oleson:
Fine... FINE! You go right ahead and judge them!

[Harriet dumps the basket of eggs on poor Nels' head. The eggs break and run down his face. Harriet leaves. Caroline gapes. Nels turns to Caroline, while the basket is still on his head, his face and shirt are covered with yellow yolk drippings]

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Now Mrs. Ingalls, if you would be kind enough to tell me how much your eggs would have been worth at the regular price...

[later, Carolin tells Charles what happened at the store. Charles bursts out laughing, but Caroline does not think it is funny]

Charles Ingalls:
Are you going to bring eggs to Mrs. Olsen tomorrow?

Caroline Ingalls:
Of course, I always do.

Charles Ingalls:
[laughs] Well, you better hard boil them.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
A man doesn't worry about losing something that nobody else wants.

Lars Hanson:
Why should he worry?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Why indeed? But if a man thinks that another man is about to run off with something that has always belonged to him absolutely, then that man is going to rise up to declare his ownership in no uncertain terms !

Lars Hanson:
Right. But uh... who is gonna run off with Mrs. Olsen?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
You.

Lars Hanson:
Who?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
You.

Caroline Ingalls:
There are times when I think men are the most senseless creatures in the world.

Charles Ingalls:
Thank you.

Caroline Ingalls:
Present company excepted, of course.

Charles Ingalls:
What did the rest of these men do to upset you so much?

Caroline Ingalls:
Someone... I think it was Dr. Baker... talked Mr. Hansen into making an attempt at courting Harriet Olsen.

Charles Ingalls:
What?

Caroline Ingalls:
I suppose to make Mr. Olsen so jealous, he'd come running back and take her in his arms.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, what did Mrs. Olsen think about that?

Caroline Ingalls:
Well, what any decent women would think. She was shocked. She was so shocked she... sh...

Charles Ingalls:
She what?

Caroline Ingalls:
She threw a whole scoop of flour on him.

Charles Ingalls:
Oh, was she out of eggs?

Mary Ingalls:
Come into my parlor said the spider to the fly.

Laura Ingalls:
What?

Mary Ingalls:
Just thinking about widows. Black widows. Pa was wrong. They are alike. They invite their prey into the parlor, and before they know it, they're trapped.

Laura Ingalls:
Just like Pa.

Laura Ingalls:
What's all that talking up there?

Charles Ingalls:
We're just saying goodnight, Pa.

Laura Ingalls:
The next thing I want to hear out of you is good morning!

Caroline Ingalls:
He has a very busy schedule.

Harriet Oleson:
Is that what he told you?

Caroline Ingalls:
What do you mean by that?

Harriet Oleson:
Believe me, Mrs. Ingalls, I don't want to have to be the one to tell you; but since we're such good friends I feel I should be the one to tell you.

Caroline Ingalls:
Please, Mrs. Olsen...

Harriet Oleson:
Mrs. Ingalls, it upsets me so! I don't know why it is the wife is always the last one to know...

Caroline Ingalls:
I know! I know everything!

Harriet Oleson:
Did you know that Mrs. Thurman did not tell you the truth? Nor... nor did your husband.

Caroline Ingalls:
I know already...

Harriet Oleson:
Oh my Dear! You don't know the half of it. Now, I've been asking around, clearly out of concern for you, you understand. And I understand that your husband has been seen coming and going from the Widow Thurman's home every day for a week. Now, if I were you...

Caroline Ingalls:
Well, you're not me, Harriet! In the first place, it's none of your business! And in the second place, I know already! Thirdly, I trust Charles completely!

Isaiah Edwards:
Sure do wish I was a bird. 'Make this trip from Sleepy Eye to Walnut Grove quicker than you can say "apple pandowdies." [horse whinnies] Ha ha, yeah, you're right, Zeke. Ain't got no call to be complainin'. After all, you're pullin' the wagon and I'm just sittin' on it.

Isaiah Edwards:
My name's Edwards, Isaiah.

Buffalo Bill:
Bill, Buffao.

Isaiah Edwards:
Bill Buffalo.

Buffalo Bill:
No, not Bill Buffalo. Your name Edwards Isaiah?

Reverend Robert Alden:
[about Blanche. At the time, Rev. Alden doesn't know she's an orangutan] Who's with her now?

Isaiah Edwards:
Well, nobody's with her right now. She's taking a nap.

Reverend Robert Alden:
Isaiah, you can't leave a 3-year-old alone like that.

Isaiah Edwards:
Well, she's kinda special...

Reverend Robert Alden:
I don't care how special she is. At 3, you gotta watch'em. We'd better get over to your place right now.

Isaiah Edwards:
Good, good.

Reverend Robert Alden:
Poor child. How is she taking her father's death?

Isaiah Edwards:
Well she hasn't said anything, one way or the other.

Reverend Robert Alden:
Keeping it all inside, I'm known them like that. She have any relatives?

Isaiah Edwards:
Yeah, but they don't live in this country.

Reverend Robert Alden:
An immigrant? All alone in this... Isaiah, I'm so glad I could help.

Isaiah Edwards:
Oh yeah, me too.

Nancy Oleson:
It's a gorilla! Miss Plum, kill it!

Isaiah Edwards:
Oh this ain't a monkey, this here's some kinda ape.

Etta Plum:
Class, this is Blanche. She's an orangutan. One of the smartest of the ape families.

Nancy Oleson:
It's a gorilla.

Etta Plum:
No, Nancy. Believe me, I wouldn't have a gorilla in class.

Harriet Oleson:
Nels, do something!

Nels Oleson:
I have done something. I've climbed up here.

Nancy Oleson:
EL-MER!

Mrs. Miles:
What on earth has gotten into that boy?

Mr. Miles:
Sounds like good sense to me.

Caroline Ingalls:
Well, I'm sure that recipe was handed down from generation to generation.

Harriet Oleson:
To generation.

Nellie Oleson:
My Pa's gonna win the tug of war!

Nellie Oleson:
[to Nels] Aren't you gonna be in it?

Nels Oleson:
Oh no. It's not my type of thing.

Willie Oleson:
Mr. Ingalls is gonna be in it.

Nellie Oleson:
It wouldn't hurt you.

Nels Oleson:
Absolutely not!

Harriet Oleson:
Nels, don't you want the children to be proud of you?

Nels Oleson:
Yes, Dear.

Laura Ingalls:
We're gonna win the three legged race!

Harriet Oleson:
Mrs. Ingalls can't... can she?

Nels Oleson:
I don't see why not.

Nellie Oleson:
That's not fair! Mrs. Ingalls is a grown up!

Willie Oleson:
If she can race, you can. And you can win!

Harriet Oleson:
I know... Well, no. I don't think it's proper!

Nels Oleson:
Harriet, don't you want the children to be proud of you?

Harriet Oleson:
I was thinking about uh... your children.

Caroline Ingalls:
You were?

Harriet Oleson:
Mm hm. Mary and Laura... I mean... well, don't feel too badly. Dome children are just better coordinated than others.

Caroline Ingalls:
What?

Harriet Oleson:
Well yes. I suppose I'm just a doting mother, but... well, Nellie and Willie are just very, very good at sports. I guess they take after me. I was very athletic when I was a youngster.

Caroline Ingalls:
Really? Well, I'm sure that had something to do with it. You know, those things are handed down from generation to generation.

Harriet Oleson:
I've heard that.

Laura Ingalls:
My Pa says that grades aren't everything. It's the learning that counts. Even eggs get graded.

Charles Ingalls:
Where's your sister this morning?

Laura Ingalls:
Mary's not speaking to me.

Charles Ingalls:
Got up on the wrong side of the bed, huh?

Laura Ingalls:
No, we switched back to our regular sides.

Mary Ingalls:
You know Pa, I just love my glasses.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, I just love you.

Nellie Oleson:
Well, look at Miss Four Eyes!

Willie Oleson:
Mary has four eyes! Four eyes!

Laura Ingalls:
You be quiet, Willie!

Willie Oleson:
Well, Mary has four eyes. Two real ones and two glass ones. Four eyes!

Laura Ingalls:
And your gonna have two black ones!

Mary Ingalls:
Pa, if I don't find my glasses you don't have to buy me another pair.

Charles Ingalls:
What kind of thing is that to say?

Mary Ingalls:
I don't deserve another pair. I lost them. It was my fault.

Charles Ingalls:
Everybody makes mistakes, Mary.

Mary Ingalls:
You told me not to take them off and I did. I don't think I should be allowed to have another pair.

Laura Ingalls:
[the goat drank all of Mr. Edwards home-made gin] Don't you like Fred?

Isaiah Edwards:
Sure I like him, over biscuits with gravy. And if I see him again that's where he'll be.

Caroline Ingalls:
Oh Charles, I forgot to tell you! There's a goat...

[Charles is butted by goat]

Caroline Ingalls:
...in the barn.

Laura Ingalls:
I guess I just sort of feel sorry for Fred.

Charles Ingalls:
Sorry for Fred? What about me? I didn't butt Fred!

Laura Ingalls:
Well what I mean is... well... maybe Fred thought he was doing a good thing. Maybe he thought you were a robber and he was protecting the barn.

Laura Ingalls:
Pa, do you know that Fred is a very special goat? He's the last of his kind.

Charles Ingalls:
I surely hope so.

Harriet Oleson:
[Harriet is covered in mud from head to toe] Laura Ingalls, look at me! Well, this is all your fault!

Eva Beadle:
Mrs. Ingalls, what happened?

Harriet Oleson:
What happened? Well, I'll tell you what happened! I was viciously attacked by that loathsome monster that this... this... swindling moppet foisted off on my poor Willie!

Laura Ingalls:
I didn't swindle Willie, Mrs. Olsen.

Willie Oleson:
Did so! How'd she do it, Ma?

Harriet Oleson:
A billy goat to make cheese?

Laura Ingalls:
I gotta study my intos.

Caroline Ingalls:
Your what?

Laura Ingalls:
You know, like ten goes into sixty and nine goes into sixty-four. That kind of stuff.

Caroline Ingalls:
That was a fiery sermon the Reverend preached this morning.

Charles Ingalls:
Yes indeed. "The wages of sin." Really got the folks stirred up.

Caroline Ingalls:
Guess he changed his mind. He said he was going to talk about "Love all creatures great and small."

Grace Snider Edwards:
Alright now children, how did that goat get drunk?

Carl Sanderson Edwards:
Pa...

Isaiah Edwards:
Don't you 'Pa' me! Now, you tell your mother!

Carl Sanderson Edwards:
I was up at your thinking place, Pa.

Grace Snider Edwards:
Thinking place?

Carl Sanderson Edwards:
I guess Fred got sort of thirsty. He drank up all of your invention. You know, the new kind of turpentine you're inventing, with raisins and sugar.

Grace Snider Edwards:
Raisins and sugar, hm? A thinking place? Sounds more like a drinking place to me. We'll talk more on this later, MISTER EDWARDS!

Little Crow:
Your government gives the Indians land no one else wants. If it were good land, they would keep it.

Charles Ingalls:
They may be ignorant savages, MacGregor, but they did manage to give you the slip, didn't they?

Laura Ingalls:
When can I play with the little girl, Pa?

Charles Ingalls:
I'm afraid you can't, at least, not outside.

Mary Ingalls:
Who'd want to? I mean they're all nothin' but heathens!

Charles Ingalls:
Mary, they may not read the same Bible we do, or worship God in the same way, but they are His children too.

Mary Ingalls:
But you love Lord Byron!

John Sanderson Edwards:
I like Lord Byron. I love you. [Long silence] I wish you'd say something.

Mary Ingalls:
I don't know what to say.

John Sanderson Edwards:
Well, do you feel anything for me?

Mary Ingalls:
Yes.

Mary Ingalls:
Is it like I said?

John Sanderson Edwards:
I think so. I can't be sure.

John Sanderson Edwards:
They say there's only one way to tell.

Mary Ingalls:
How's that?

John Sanderson Edwards:
Well... It's... to kiss.

Mary Ingalls:
I've never done that.

John Sanderson Edwards:
Me neither. But now you're going away and we'll never know.

Mary Ingalls:
I'm afraid to.

John Sanderson Edwards:
I know. But I think we need to. We have to try.

Mary Ingalls:
When I was with John Junior today, we... we kissed each other.

Laura Ingalls:
What? Kissed each other? On the mouth?

Mary Ingalls:
Of course!

Laura Ingalls:
Yuck!

Mary Ingalls:
It was not. It was... it was... Well, I can't explain it.

Laura Ingalls:
I know how it was. Yuck!

Matthew Simms:
God doesn't mind you're asking. He may not always give it to you, but He doesn't mind you asking. What he doesn't like is your pretending it's for someone else when really it's for you.

John Sanderson Edwards:
Mary, I thought about it a lot. And there's only one thing we can do.

Mary Ingalls:
What's that?

John Sanderson Edwards:
Get married.

Mary Ingalls:
What?

John Sanderson Edwards:
That's right. If your Pa's set on leaving, he'll just have to leave without you.

Charles Ingalls:
I just realized something. I just made the decision to sell this place all by myself. I never even asked you. I made that decision all by myself.

Isaiah Edwards:
Listen here, I got this little bit of money here. I can take it in there and double it up. It wouldn't take me more than ten minutes.

Charles Ingalls:
It wouldn't take you more than ten minutes to loose it.

Isaiah Edwards:
Oh, at least let's go in and take a look around.

Charles Ingalls:
Oh, you go ahead. I'll tell Grace where you are. She'll be happy to hear about it.

Isaiah Edwards:
Oh no. Hold it, hold it... Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all.

Isaiah Edwards:
I said I was sorry. I won't do it again, I promise! Did you hear me? I said I promise.

Grace Snider Edwards:
You've promised before.

Isaiah Edwards:
Well it's different this time. I didn't do this for fun. I did this so we could get some flour and some bacon...

Grace Snider Edwards:
That's just an excuse and you know it! You'll never change.

Isaiah Edwards:
Why'd you marry me in the first place if you wanted me to change? I mean, why didn't you just up and marry somebody who was already the way you want me to be?

Grace Snider Edwards:
'Cause I fell in love with you, that's why. [Smiles at him] Go to sleep.

Isaiah Edwards:
Yes, my Dear.

Charles Ingalls:
Say a little prayer for us.

Reverend Phillips:
I doubt God spends too much time helping us look for gold, but I will say a prayer for your health and happiness.

Laura Ingalls:
What happens if you find gold on Mrs. Edwards' claim?

Isaiah Edwards:
Well, I guess I'll have to fess up that I married her for her money. Oh, she'll love that! I married her for her money.

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles, you're not going to work on the Lord's Day!

Charles Ingalls:
The sooner we get rich, the sooner the Reverend will have the Lord's church. It's almost like doing the Lord's work, isn't it?

Almanzo James Wilder:
I liked her cinnamon chicken better.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Mrs. Olsen, are you sure that one teacher can handle this schedule?

Harriet Oleson:
[laughs] Yes. Yes, of course.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Good. I wish you luck.

Harriet Oleson:
What?

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Because I quit! Ladies and gentlemen, meet your new school teacher.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
You know, I think we should check this type again.

Laura Ingalls:
There's nothing wrong with it. Besides, pa said we can't.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
I know what he said. But I thought we might change it a little bit if you get my meaning.

Laura Ingalls:
I get it. Oh boy, do I get it!

Harriet Oleson:
We have it from a very reliable source that Harrit Olsen's hair is not all her own and neither are her teeth.

Caroline Ingalls:
Well, if the items were wrong; and I don't know that they were...

Harriet Oleson:
Wrong? Well of course they were wrong!

Caroline Ingalls:
Then you can always print a retraction. Put it right on the front page. Don't stick it way in the back. Something to the effect of um..."Contrary to published reports, Harriet Oleson does not have false teeth and does not wear a wig.

Laura Ingalls:
[in Amos Pike's disheveled drawing room] Look at this place. It's a mess!

Amos Pike:
Well, I... I've a... I've been meanin' ta...

Laura Ingalls:
Meanin' won't make it fit for wooly bears. I hafta clean your broom before you can even sweep!

Amos Pike:
You're a regular snippety snap. Ain't ya?

Laura Ingalls:
What's a snippety snap?

Amos Pike:
People like you!

Laura Ingalls:
You're not anything to tell anybody about. You're not even a maniac! Your just a man, selfish old man!

Nellie Oleson:
What did he say?

Laura Ingalls:
He said he wanted to see you , Nellie.

Nellie Oleson:
What?

Laura Ingalls:
He said he wanted to see you. And Willie too.

Nellie Oleson:
Uh, I gotta go home and do some chores now.

Willie Oleson:
Uh... Me too.

Laura Ingalls:
I... I... S... sorry. J... Jack broke your vace.

Amos Pike:
Who are you?

Laura Ingalls:
Laura. Laura Ingalls from over the hill.

Laura Ingalls:
If only he'd turn to God for help, like you said. It's right here in the Bible. "Jesus said unto her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. He that beleveth in me, thou he were dead, yet shall live.'" If only Mr. Pike would believe that, he'd be alright, wouldn't he, Pa?

Almanzo James Wilder:
[discussing Charles' objection to their plans to marry next month] Laura, I'm a man... and no matter what your Pa says, you're a woman... and I want you to be my wife.

Laura:
I want to be, but...

Almanzo James Wilder:
*No*! No buts, no ifs, no waiting. It's your choice - your pa or me.

Laura:
Almanzo, I love you, but I love my pa, too.

Almanzo James Wilder:
I want an answer, Beth.

Laura:
I can't - not now. I just need some time.

Almanzo James Wilder:
[pauses] I guess your pa was right, you're still a little girl! [he drives away with his team]

Caroline Ingalls:
So if he doesn't get his way, his love for you just goes away.

Caroline Ingalls:
You know, your father is paying me a lot of money to teach you. The least you can do is make an attempt.

Caroline Ingalls:
Nellie, what on earth happened?

Nellie Oleson:
Something wonderful. He said I was pretty.

Nellie Oleson:
This hotel, this restaurant... I never asked for It in the first place.

Nels Oleson:
Well, I didn't give it to you, it was your Mother's idea.

Nellie Oleson:
You let her.

Nels Oleson:
How was I supposed to stop her?

Nellie Oleson:
By being a man.

Nels Oleson:
By being a... Now, let me tell you something, young lady. If you would act like a woman, you wouldn't need this hotel to get yourself a man!

Nellie Oleson:
what?

Nels Oleson:
That's why your mother built this in the first place, so somebody would marry you.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Mr. Ingalls... Mrs. Ingalls... I uh... I've been working real hard at the Feed & Seed.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, I work pretty hard at the meal myself, but Caroline doesn't generally make me a special supper and take off work because of it.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Oh not that. That's not a surprise. I uh... I got a raise.

Charles Ingalls:
Oh, congratulations! I'm proud of ya.

Almanzo James Wilder:
I was hoping you would because I want to marry your daughter.

Charles Ingalls:
Well I uh... I have to be honest with you, son. That doesn't come as a big surprise to me.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Next month.

Charles Ingalls:
that does.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
You know, your father is paying me a lot of money to teach you. The least you can do is make an attempt.

Nellie Oleson:
I didn't ask to be taught. I didn't ask for this restaurant. And your short.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
Shall we try again?

Nellie Oleson:
Why don't you make a SHORT cake? How 'bout some SHORT ribs? Do we need any SHORTing? You know, you really oughta write a book "Short cuts to cooking!"

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
Would you like to try again?

Nellie Oleson:
That only took you a short time.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
Would you like to try...

Nellie Oleson:
No I wouldn't! I wouldn't like to try again! I hate this place, and I hate cooking, and I hate short people! My mother gave me this place so I can get a husband, did you know that? Well, I don't want a husband, and I don't want this place, and I don't want to learn how to separate eggs! [picks up eggs and starts throwing them into the bowl of egg mixture] There, Quasimodo, I'm all done!

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
[Looks at Nellie for a few moments, then picks up the bowl of egg yolks and broken eggs and pours them over Nellie's head. Nellie's mouth pops open in absolute shock] . I also have a very short temper. Why your Mother ever built this place for you, I'll never know! You certainly can't cook, and you certainly have no right to be dealing with the public. And as pretty as you are, you don't need a restaurant to catch a husband in the first place.

Charles Ingalls:
Sure wish I knew where he [Almanzo] is, I'd give him a good thrashing.

Caroline Ingalls:
He's in sleepy Eye.

Charles Ingalls:
Hm?

Caroline Ingalls:
He's in Sleepy eye. He wrote to his sister and made her promise not to tell Laura.

Charles Ingalls:
You're sending her to Sleepy Eye when you know he's in Sleepy Eye?

Caroline Ingalls:
Mm hm.

Charles Ingalls:
Caroline, I don't understand you.

Caroline Ingalls:
I know.

Laura Ingalls:
I'll be here for two weeks. I'm going to stay here for awhile.

Almanzo James Wilder:
I'm surprised your Pa would let you out of his sight for that long, seeing as how he loved you so much.

Laura Ingalls:
Well, I've been out of your sight for a lot longer than that and you were supposed to have loved me.

Almanzo James Wilder:
I didn't make that decision, it was yours. You made that choice.

Laura Ingalls:
You didn't give me any choice!

Almanzo James Wilder:
That's great. I'm glad you'll be back for two weeks. It'll give us another chance to argue.

Laura Ingalls:
Don't come around and you won't have to argue.

Nellie Oleson Dalton:
I thought you could use some pie. It's nice and hot.

Charles Ingalls:
No thanks, Nellie.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
Don't be afraid, Mr. Ingalls. You might be surprised.

Charles Ingalls:
I'm sure I will be.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Oh, I thought I could forget you, but I can't. Even if I have to wait two years or twenty years, I'll wait. 'Cause there's nobody else in the world for me but you, Beth. I love you.

Nellie Oleson Dalton:
I love you! I love you!

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
I don't know what to say.

Nellie Oleson Dalton:
Well, do you?

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
Yes. I love you too. But what about uh... I'm not going to get any taller

Nellie Oleson Dalton:
And I'm not going to get any shorter!

Coy:
Do yourself a favor, Danny boy, and remember what I tell you. Women are good for just one thing: childbearing. Best thing that could happen to a woman be if she died in childbearing.

Aggie:
Amen.

Charles Ingalls:
God isn't going to let my son die.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
What happened in Sleepy Eye had nothing to do with God! It was a bank robbery. Your son happened to be there at that moment. There's no one to blame except the man who shot him.

Sherwood Montague:
[after reading Nancy's essay, for which she got a D] Your Miss Plum was very generous in giving you a passing grade.

Nancy Oleson:
You hate me, too!

Sherwood Montague:
Not yet, but if I spent some more time with you, I'm very sure it could develop into that.

Nancy Oleson:
I'm gonna kill myself! [runs upstairs]

Harriet Oleson:
Here you are, Mr. Montague, we had everything that was on your list.

Sherwood Montague:
Thank you. Put it on my bill.

Harriet Oleson:
Yes, certainly. Where's Nancy?

Sherwood Montague:
I believe she said she was going upstairs to commit suicide. Good day.

Almanzo James Wilder:
I've never met such a no-it-all in my whole life! No matter what it is, he does better. I tell you, he acts like he's perfect.

Sherwood Montague:
It is not an act, Almanzo. I AM perfect. It is a cross I must bear.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[talking about Nellie's new boyfriend in bed] He's a bit rough around the edges but I kind of like the boy.

Mrs. Oleson:
You never had any taste.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
You're right.

Mrs. Oleson:
What did you say?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
I said good night!

Justice of the peace:
[arranging people at Miss Beedle's wedding] You stand here and you here.

Mrs. Oleson:
Where do you want me?

Justice of the peace:
I'd rather not say!

Mrs. Oleson:
Nels, make her a widow.

Mary Ingalls:
How old do you have to be to be a poet?

Charles Ingalls:
I don't know, any age.

Mary Ingalls:
Do you have to college to be one?

Charles Ingalls:
No. Emerson what about it in that book your bringing to John. He said there's two classes of poets. Poets by education and practice, those we respect; and poets by nature - those we love.

Mary Ingalls:
The last one. That's John.

Charles Ingalls:
Those we love.

Mary Ingalls:
I gotta go. I'll be late!

Laura Ingalls:
I know why Mary doesn't want to wear her glasses.

Caroline Ingalls:
You do, do you?

Laura Ingalls:
Uh huh. So John can see her beautiful blue eyes.

Caroline Ingalls:
Well, what's wrong with that?

Laura Ingalls:
Nothing. If you got beautiful, blue eyes.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
If it were anyone else, I'd say he doesn't have a chance. But that man [Mr. Edwards] is as strong as they come.

John Sanderson Edwards:
I wrote you a letter yesterday. I'd like to read it to you.

Isaiah Edwards:
There ain't no need for that.

John Sanderson Edwards:
Yes there is. Isn't there?

Isaiah Edwards:
[Cries] Yeah.

John Sanderson Edwards:
Dear Mr. Edwards. It's seems so funny writing that - Mr. Edwards. I want so much to just say Pa or Dad or something, but I can't. Not unless I know that you want me to, and I just don't feel like you do. I guess it's because I'm not the kind of son you want. Maybe I could be someday. I'll try. I'll try as hard as I can to make you proud of me. But I'm afraid. Because I know in my heart that I can't do what you want me to do. Please try to understand. Please love me anyway.

Charles Ingalls:
Albert, what you want and what's going to be are two entirely different things.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
I won't go!

Charles Ingalls:
You'll do what I say!

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
And if I don't?

Charles Ingalls:
If you don't, then I'll ask Mr. Gibson to change his mind and press charges against you.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
You'd do that?

Charles Ingalls:
I'd have to do that. I am not going to sit back and watch you destroy your life and your Mother's and Mine. I'm not going to do that. You're not the only one in this family. You're hurting all of us and I'm not going to let it happen anymore.

Sergeant Bates:
These boys, they don't want to change.

Charles Ingalls:
My boy has already changed.

Sergeant Bates:
What do you mean?

Charles Ingalls:
He changed when he came to the city.

Charles Ingalls:
Of course, there's another big reason why she's happy.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Why's that?

Charles Ingalls:
Because she's married to a very wonderful person. [laughs]

Almanzo James Wilder:
Laura, what are you doing?

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
You're not going to believe it!

Almanzo James Wilder:
What?

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
I'm gonna have a baby!

[Almanzo get's a look of shock on his face while Charles laughs]

Almanzo James Wilder:
A baby?

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
[Nods]

Almanzo James Wilder:
A baby?

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
[Nods]

Almanzo James Wilder:
Woo hoo! [Jumps up and down and falls through the roof]

Peter Ingalls:
You should go apologize to her, that's what. Tell her you're a dummy, a real dummy!

Young Charles Ingalls:
Okay.

[Walks up to Caroline]

Young Charles Ingalls:
I'm sorry.

Young Caroline:
For what?

Young Charles Ingalls:
Because I'm a dummy.

Young Caroline:
What?

Young Charles Ingalls:
A real dummy.

Young Caroline:
What makes you say that?

Young Charles Ingalls:
My brother. Bye.

[Charles walks back over to Peter]

Peter Ingalls:
So what did you say to her?

Young Charles Ingalls:
What you told me to say. I'm sorry. I'm a dummy. A real dummy.

[after hearing Charles Ingalls' naive remark, his older brother, laughs hard before speaking back to Charles]

Peter Ingalls:
Ahhhh... You just graduated from dummy to jackass!

Lansford Ingalls:
Charles never said a word to me, but his brother did. And I'm telling you that if I ever hear from anyone that you've laid a finger on him without justification, I will personally come to your school and thrash you in front of your entire class. Do I make myself clear?

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
[the tragic moment, when Mary Ingalls awakens to discover she has lost her sight] Help me, Pa! HELP ME! Pa, I can't SEE! Hold me! It's dark! I'm scared, Pa! Hold me! It's too dark! I can't breathe!

Seth Barton:
I can't keep calling you Brown Eyes, can I?

Laura Ingalls:
You can if you want to.

Seth Barton:
I really like your family.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
They like you, Seth.

Seth Barton:
I don't think Laura likes me.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
I think she likes you a little too much.

Seth Barton:
Oh.

Charles Ingalls:
I pray and I pray. Why doesn't God listen?

Reverend Robert Alden:
He listens, Charles. And He always answers our prayers. He doesn't always answer in the way that we want, but he always answers in a way that He thinks is best for each of us.

Charles Ingalls:
How can taking the sight from a fifteen year old girl be the best thing?

Reverend Robert Alden:
We're only finite. He's infinite in His wisdom. I can only tell you that there is a reason. Charles, believe me. God must have chosen Mary for some very special purpose.

Charles Ingalls:
Tomorrow I have to tell my daughter that she's going blind. What should I tell her is that special purpose?

Charles Ingalls:
I wanted to talk to you. See, your Mother and I have been hoping and... praying, but it was the scarlet fever and it weakened the nerves in your eyes.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
It'll get better, won't it, Pa? My eyes will be alright again.

Charles Ingalls:
The doctor thinks that it'll get worse

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
Pa?

Charles Ingalls:
He uh... He feels that... your gradually going to lose your sight.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
Blind? I'm gonna be... blind?

Adam Kendall:
I'm looking for a... Mary Ingalls. Got one in here?

Mary Ingalls:
I'm Mary Ingalls.

Adam Kendall:
Uh huh. I thought so. Well, allow me to introduce myself. Adam Kendall, your teacher. Now I'm here, Miss Ingalls, to escort you to your room.

Adam Kendall:
Don't use your fingers.

Mary Ingalls:
If you don't like watching a blind person eat, why don't you just get out?

Adam Kendall:
All you think about is being blind. You happen to be a perfectly normal person who just happens not to be able to see with her eyes. When are you gonna get on with living?

Mary Ingalls:
Get out!

Adam Kendall:
Pitying yourself won't help. Blind people are just as good or as bad as everybody else. You're not special.

Mary Ingalls:
I told you to get out! [throws plate full of food]

Adam Kendall:
The roast beef was good. You'll find the towels on the shelf in the closet. This is your room as long as you're here. You make a mess, you clean it up.

Adam Kendall:
Mary Ingalls, today you learn to read.

John Sanderson Edwards:
I never even asked you.

Mary Ingalls:
Yes you did.

John Sanderson Edwards:
That was yesterday... when I was a boy... I think I better ask you again.

Mary Ingalls:
Go ahead.

John Sanderson Edwards:
Mary Ingalls, I love you very much. More than anything in the world. I want you to be my wife.

Mary Ingalls:
Thank you, John.

Carl Sanderson Edwards:
How do you figure what a poem's worth?

Isaiah Edwards:
Oh, I don't know. I guess the figure it up about the same way they do corn. Except they don't go by the bushel, isn't that right, John?

John Sanderson Edwards:
Yep. They set it up on the scale and weigh it out. 16 poems, 428 lines, three and a quarter pounds... comes to $7.10 exactly!

John Sanderson Edwards:
I love your daughter, Sir.

Charles Ingalls:
So do I.

John Sanderson Edwards:
But I want to marry her!

John Sanderson Edwards:
A soaring hawk...

Isaiah Edwards:
What?

John Sanderson Edwards:
Just studying that hawk up yonder.

Isaiah Edwards:
Oh yeah, a chicken hawk.

John Sanderson Edwards:
What do you suppose is going on in his head?

Isaiah Edwards:
What?

John Sanderson Edwards:
What's he thinkin'? He's got a brain like we have. He's got a heart. What do you think is going on in his head while he's looking down on us pitching hay?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Amy, I've never put a woman, much less an eighty year old woman over my knees; but you're coming close to being the first!

Dr. Hiram Baker:
What do I say you died of?

Amy O'Hara Hearn:
I'm eighty years old on Sunday. Surely you can think of something!

Charles Ingalls:
Was she very disappointed?

Caroline Ingalls:
Nope.

Charles Ingalls:
How'd you manage to do it?

Caroline Ingalls:
I'm baking the cake.

Amy O'Hara Hearn:
The least I can do is lend a hand with the wake. After all, I'm the deceased.

Laura Ingalls:
We oughta have our funeral while we're still alive so we can say goodbye to everybody.

Isaiah Edwards:
There goes a day's wages.

Lars Hanson:
Two days' wages.

Isaiah Edwards:
What do you mean two days' wages?

Lars Hanson:
You told me to put you down for two!

Isaiah Edwards:
Did I say that?

Lars Hanson:
Yes.

Isaiah Edwards:
Now what are you doing listenin' to me?

Lars Hanson:
I won't anymore.

Isaiah Edwards:
Youre gonna break my head with that piece of lumber!

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Well, I sure am unless you get back!

Isaiah Edwards:
Find the ball?

Charles Ingalls:
Yeah.

Isaiah Edwards:
Well good, then all I swallowed is my tobacco.

Charles Ingalls:
Even Reverend Alden came up with a name. The Walnut Grove Heavenly Hosts. Can you imagine sewing all those letters on my shirt?

Caroline Ingalls:
I'm surprised at Reverent Alden coming up with a name like that. Seems sacrilegious.

Charles Ingalls:
Not if we win.

Mary Ingalls:
Well, it's all over now. Mr. Olsen is up.

Charles Ingalls:
He's a boy, Jeremy. You love him, he's going to love you back. You reap what you sow.

Jeremy Stokes:
It wasn't my idea to sow an Indian seed.

Charles Ingalls:
Guess not. That was God's. Looks like you just don't want to agree with what God created.

Omaha Johnson:
He's nothing but an Injun kid. He don't know no better. I'm sure you'll teach him.

Joseph Stokes:
He told me not to show my face in school or in town. I must go to school now, you know that.

Jeremy Stokes:
Now, I'm not gonna say anything to the boys who beat him up. I did a lot worse to him, and probably for the same old reasons. I even denied he was my own grandson, my daughter's boy... But he is. And I'm proud of him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied. There's been some talk here about his not showing his face again. Well, he's here. And he's staying here. Miss Beadle, my grandson's name is Spotted Eagle. And I'd be much obliged if you'd make that change on your ledger.

Laura Ingalls:
I just can't believe it. She doesn't know.

Mary Ingalls:
I guess not.

Laura Ingalls:
Pa surely told him we were going to have the turkey for supper.

Mary Ingalls:
That's it! That's just gotta be it. Pa told her we were going to HAVE him for supper, not have HIM for supper.

Laura Ingalls:
We got a problem, Pa.

Charles Ingalls:
What is it?

Laura Ingalls:
Carrie and the turkey.

Charles Ingalls:
Looks alright to me. He'll look even better in a couple weeks on the dinner table.

Laura Ingalls:
Well, that's the problem. Carrie doesn't know he's gonna be ON the table. She thinks he's gonna be AT the table.

[Nellie has stomach pains]

Mrs. Oleson:
Do you know what I think it is? I think it's that strange food you make for your husband!

Nellie Oleson:
But he likes it, and it doesn't make him sick!

Mrs. Oleson:
Well, of course HE likes it - he's used to it! He's Jewish. A person can get used to ANYTHING! Look at the cannibals... they eat each other, and they think it's just dandy!

Laura Ingalls:
Almanzo, how are you going to work your land, work at the Feed and Seed...

Almanzo James Wilder:
Well, it's OUR land.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Nellie's getting dressed. You can go right in.

Mrs. Oleson:
Dressed? Dressed?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Now please, Mrs. Oleson! I can't exactly examine a patient who is fully clothed.

Mrs. Oleson:
But Dr. Baker, I brought her in here with an upset stomach! I don't understand why she had to take her clothes off!

Dr. Hiram Baker:
I'm sure you don't. Nellie will explain.

Mrs. Oleson:
What do you mean Nellie will explain?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Yes. She wanted to be the one to tell you.

Mrs. Oleson:
Tell me? Oh no... [Cries] Oh Dear no! Oh my...

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Mrs. Oleson...

Mrs. Oleson:
Oh... [cries] My poor baby. Isn't there anything you can do?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
I'm afraid not.

Mrs. Oleson:
Oh... How long?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Six months. At the most.

Nellie Oleson:
Mother!

Mrs. Oleson:
It's alright, doctor. I'll be alright. She'll need me now. I'll be strong.

Nellie Oleson:
Mother...

Mrs. Oleson:
Yes, My Darling?

Nellie Oleson:
I'm going to have a baby! [Clunk is heard]

Charles Ingalls:
Mr. Gray?

Matt Gray:
I thought you were going off to pray.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, I just wanted to apologize for the actions of my future son-in-law. He just doesn't understand you're a business man and these things happen. He's just a boy, you know what I mean?

Matt Gray:
I suppose.

Charles Ingalls:
It's like when you made that offer... it was a very generous offer of a hundred dollars for his crop... that was a hundred dollars, wasn't it?

Matt Gray:
That's right.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, when you made that offer he really got upset. See, he was planning on taking the money from the crop and pay off the note... Buy a house for my daughter and himself and live on the land for the rest of their lives. I mean, you can't blame him for being upset.

Matt Gray:
'Course. But it's business.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, I know that and you know that, but like I said he's just a boy. I mean, he's ornery and he's hot-headed, you know. Hey, you know who he reminds me off? His future father in law. [Punches Graves so hard that he falls to the ground] . You know when he's going to sell you that crop for a hundred dollars? When hell freezes over!

Eliza Jane Wilder:
Laura's one hundred percent right, you know. You're being stubborn and foolish and inconsiderate and you can mend your own shirts.

Almanzo James Wilder:
The only thing I loose with you is my temper every time we talk!

Almanzo James Wilder:
Mr. Ingalls, no disrespect, but do you have any idea what your daughter's like?

Charles Ingalls:
I think so, she's a lot like me.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Well again, no disrespect so, but that must be mighty hard on Mrs. Ingalls.

Charles Ingalls:
Do you know what the word positive means? That means wrong at the top of your voice.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Don't you think we oughta talk about this? We can't just go on not speaking.

Laura Ingalls:
I agree. Go ahead.

Almanzo James Wilder:
No. That's alright. You start.

Laura Ingalls:
I really don't have anything to say.

Almanzo James Wilder:
I thought you just said we ought to talk.

Laura Ingalls:
I've already told you how I feel.

Almanzo James Wilder:
And I told you how I feel.

Laura Ingalls:
When then why did you come driving all the way out here this time of night?

Almanzo James Wilder:
I told you. So we can talk.

Laura Ingalls:
Almanzo, we're not going to get anywhere like this. Now, I've told you how I fell and my mind is made up!

Almanzo James Wilder:
Oh I see. You just want me to apologize and say how wrong I was and how right you are. Well, I'm not going to do it! I'm not going to knuckle under just so you'll be happy. There's going to be more to our marriage than that!

Laura Ingalls:
What marriage? Who says we're getting married?

Almanzo James Wilder:
I do! You're wearing the engagement ring I gave ya, that I made payments on every month.

Laura Ingalls:
Well, just take it back! You shouldn't be buying things on credit anyway!

Laura Ingalls:
[opening narration while the Ingalls family are leaving the big woods of Minnesota] If I had a remembrance book, I would mark down how it was when we left our little house in the big woods to go west to Indian Territory. We had to go, Pa said, because so many people had come to live in the big woods, there wasn't enough game anymore for him to hunt and he feared we might go hungry. Ma said we might never again see Grandma and Grandpa, or Aunt Docia and Aunt Ruby and Uncle George. Though it made me sad, I still thought it a fine thing to go where there had never been a road before. We'd go where the land was more bountiful, he said, and he sold our house and land and cow, and packed whatever would fit in the wagon. I was glad Pa took his fiddle, for it makes a joysome sound. Mary was afraid to go, but I knew nothing bad could happen as long as we had Pa and Jack. Jack is my best and truest friend and Pa says there has never been a better watchdog. I knew there would be rivers to cross and hills to climb, and I was glad, for this is a fair land and I rejoiced that I would see it.

Charles Ingalls:
We thank you Lord for bringing our dear friend back to us.

Charles Ingalls:
Hear that?

Laura Ingalls:
Hear what, Pa?

Charles Ingalls:
Stars... Singing Hallelujah!

Charles Ingalls:
Look at it. Just look at it. Green and rich. There will be waters in those foothills and trees. We're home, Caroline. We're home!

Caroline Ingalls:
My home is where you are. And you are the children are my family.

Charles Ingalls:
Caroline Ingalls, I love you.

Caroline Ingalls:
Laura! Just what do you think you're doing?

Laura Ingalls:
Laura! Just what do you think you're doing?

Caroline Ingalls:
Spit? Do you consider that a worthy accomplishment, Mr. Edwards?

Isaiah Edwards:
Well, I don't know how worth it is, ma'am, but it sure comes in handy in a stiff breeze.

Laura Ingalls:
We each got our own cups now!

Caroline Ingalls:
What is it?

Charles Ingalls:
We have to get out.

Caroline Ingalls:
What?

Charles Ingalls:
Yeah. The Kansas Tribe petitioned Washington. We have to get out.

Caroline Ingalls:
I don't understand.

Charles Ingalls:
The government drew a new line and we're on the wrong side, so we have to go.

Charles Ingalls:
Those blasted politicians in Washington hadn't just said all of Kansas wasn't opened up, we would have never settled here!

Charles Ingalls:
The Bible says 'Thou shalt not argue before breakfast.

Caroline Ingalls:
It's not in the Bible, Charles.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, it oughta be.

Isaiah Edwards:
Well, you may say I made his acquaintance when I came out of the saloon... uh... when I was coming out of the hotel in Independence.

Charles Ingalls:
Independence? You went all the way to Independence in this blizzard? You gotta be mad!

Isaiah Edwards:
Well, that's been said before. Well anyway, there he was. There he was just a standing there with his pack mule.

Laura Ingalls:
Reindeer!

Isaiah Edwards:
Well, he uses a pack mule out here. It's more practical. Well, I recognized him right away. Recognized him by his big, white beard and big, round belly. Although he wasn't jolly enough to be doing any ho ho hoing. Well the ol' gent, you see, he just... he just brightened right up when he seen me. 'Hello Edwards,' he says. He says you remember them pair of red mittens I give you when you was just a sprig in Tennessee? ' 'Ohhhhh... kept me warm many winters!' says I. He says uh... hear you're living down on the Vertical River now. Yeah. He says you don't happen to know them Ingalls girls, do ya?

Laura Ingalls:
And you said yes!

Isaiah Edwards:
Sure did, right away! Well, to make a long story short, Ol' Santa says he's mighty worried about being able to cross the street with the weather being bad and him not being so spry anymore. So he asked me to fetch those presents to you.

Isaiah Edwards:
You're not peakin', are ya? Can't stand for no peaking!

Harriet Oleson:
[laughs] A midget!

Lou Bates:
It appears that way.

Harriet Oleson:
Well, I've never seen one before.

Lou Bates:
It's a small world.

Harriet Oleson:
Surely your not considering hiring that dwarf in there, are you?

Mr. Bill Anderson:
Why... yes I was. I need a teller and he...

Harriet Oleson:
Are you running a bank or are you running a sideshow? I can't believe you'd hire someone like that.

Mr. Bill Anderson:
Mrs. Oleson, I do not judge someone by their size. I judge them by their ability.

Harriet Oleson:
Well, perhaps there are a few other things you should take into consideration.

Mr. Bill Anderson:
Such as?

Harriet Oleson:
Such as... Once you let one undesirable into the community, do you realize how many will follow? Now, I think he should be with his own kind.

Mr. Bill Anderson:
Mrs. Oleson...

Harriet Oleson:
I'm not finished, Mr. Anderson! Now, of course the decision to hire him is yours, but I want you to know that if he does work in that bank, my account will be closed. And I'm quite sure that the Oleson account is by far the largest that is in town.

John Carter:
Mr. Oleson, cancel my account at the store and the restaurant.

Harriet Oleson:
Well, why for Heanve's sake?

John Carter:
Because I can't trust you. Your eyes are too close together.

Harriet Oleson:
I don't know why it is I have such a short temper.

Lou Bates:
What?

Harriet Oleson:
I have such a short temper.

Lou Bates:
If anyone has a short temper, it should be me.

Mrs. Oleson:
[before nellies play] I haven't heard of an actress yet who hasn't experienced some temperment before a performance!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[after she leaves the room] I wonder what her excuse is the rest of the time?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
...You read it.

Willie Oleson:
A whole book? That would take a year!

Mrs. Oleson:
Not if you work at it, Dear. After all, there's no sacrifice too great for one's art. You just have to give to get.

Willie Oleson:
I don't know nothing about sacrifice, but I'm gonna have to give a whole lot of licorice.

Isaiah Edwards:
Well, you know what you oughta do. What you gotta do is... well... you gotta let her know how you feel. You see. Then you tell her how it's gonna be. I mean, there ain't a woman nowhere that don't appreciate a firm hand. Well now, you take Grace. I mean, she'd still be pining her nights alone if I hadn't spoke up. Yes sir! I mean, I told her how it's gonna be, I told her what was going to happen...

Charles Ingalls:
Morning, Grace. Isaiah was just talking about you. We'll leave you two alone.

Eva Beadle:
Willie and Laura, go stand in a corner, NOW!

Willie Oleson:
[Both go to the same corner] That's MY corner!

Eva Beadle:
Laura, go to the OTHER corner.

Laura Ingalls:
You didn't die, did you?

Mary Ingalls:
Of course he didn't die!

Laura Ingalls:
Well, he might have and come back to life again. They do that a lot in the Bible.

Mary Ingalls:
What's that awful smell?

Laura Ingalls:
I think that's our supper.

Laura Ingalls:
[after Mr. Edward's back goes out] What did you do last time this happened?

Isaiah Edwards:
Well as I recall, I cussed a lot.

Mary Ingalls:
We'll go outside.

Mary Ingalls:
I don't think Mr. Edwards can read

Laura Ingalls:
Maybe they didn't have school book back when he was a little boy.

Mary Ingalls:
They must have. George Washington could read.

Willie Oleson:
Mother! I failed the exam on purpose! I'm not going to take it again. I'm gonna stay in Walnut Grove, and I'm gonna run the restaurant, and I'm gonna marry Rachel Brown.

Willie Oleson:
You don't think I'm doing the right thing, do you?

Nels Oleson:
Son, if it feels right to you, then it's right. You've gotta live your own life - not your Mother's or mine.

Willie Oleson:
You mean that?

Nels Oleson:
Of course I mean it.

Willie Oleson:
Mother, I have something to say to you and I'm only gonna say it once, so I want you to pay attention.

Harriet Oleson:
Willie, there's nothing that you have to say...

Willie Oleson:
Mother, I'm talking! You're listening! You've been complaining to me, and to Father, and to everyone else in Walnut Grove that'll listen to you, that Rachel is ruining my life! Now, I've kept quiet about it, because I thought you'd realize how wrong you are. But I'm not gonna keep quiet about it any longer. If anyone is ruining my chances for a happy life around here, you are!

Harriet Oleson:
Me?

Willie Oleson:
Yes you!

Harriet Oleson:
AH!

Willie Oleson:
Rachel is my best chance for a happy life, and I don't ever want to hear you say another unkind word about her. Now, we are going to open up the restaurant. And you can stay here until you accept the fact that Rachel and I are getting married. Because that's exactly what I'm gonna do!

Willie Oleson:
Mr. Edwards is going to be my best man. [Walks out of the store while Harriet stared aghast]

Harriet Oleson:
Now, there you see what that wrench has done to him?

Nels Oleson:
[Proudly] Astonishing!

Mr. Brown:
Sit down, Willie. My daughter says you'd like to speak to me.

Willie Oleson:
Oh. Yes, Sir... That is... Mr. Brown... That is... What I mean to say is... Rachel seems agreeable to the idea that uh... we should uh... that is you...

Mr. Brown:
I understand you're not going to the university now.

Willie Oleson:
Uh... Yes... Sir... That is yes sir, I'm not going. Uh... Mr. Brown... Uh... Rachel seems to be us...

Mr. Brown:
You be working at the restaurant full time, Willie?

Willie Oleson:
Um... Oh... Yes... Sir. Um... Seems like we got more business we can handle but I don't mind. No place I'd rather be than in the kitchen! My Pa says I kinda come by it naturally. I spent most of my time raidin' the cupboards as a kid. I guess I just... uh... feel right at home there.

Mr. Brown:
I see.

Willie Oleson:
Uh... Anyway, I think I can do real well with the restaurant. And I have a lot of new ideas for improvements. Which is why I feel that uh... that Rachel and I... we should be able to...

Mr. Brown:
Willie. I'm sure you you'll provide very well for her.

Willie Oleson:
Oh, yes sir. I uh... You are?

Mr. Brown:
That is if you ever get around to asking me for her hand.

Willie Oleson:
Oh, her hand? Uh... I would very much like to have your permission to marry Rachel Brown... uh... Rachel.

Patrick:
It was all my fault.

Cass McCray:
Your fault?

Patrick:
Yeah. I cut them. I didn't know she was in there.

Cass McCray:
You cut them? What for?

Patrick:
I was mad... jealous... I'm sorry.

Cass McCray:
Sorry wouldn't have patched a hole in that balloon if you had torn it. It's lucky for you it's alright or I would have had your skin for it!

Mary Ingalls:
He risked his life to save it.

Cass McCray:
No. He wasn't trying to save the balloon. He was trying to be a hero.

Mary Ingalls:
And all you care about is your balloon. Well, you just go to your balloon and leave us alone.

Charles Ingalls:
Now come on, clean out the coop.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Do you have to do those kind of things when you come home from a days' work?

Charles Ingalls:
Of course I don't!

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Why?

Charles Ingalls:
Because it's different, that's why!

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
In what way?

Charles Ingalls:
Albert, try to understand. I'm supporting a family! I'm doing a man's work!

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Is chopping firewood a man's work?

Charles Ingalls:
Yeah.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Is clearing a pasture man's work?

Charles Ingalls:
Yeah.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Is plowing a field man's work?

Charles Ingalls:
Of course it is.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Well, that's what I've been doing. So if I can do the work of a man, I should have the right to be treated like one.

Charles Ingalls:
Albert, I... I am the man around here and you do what I say. You want to work, work for me and I'll pay you.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
No. That would wreck everything!

Charles Ingalls:
Why?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Because it's an allowance. And allowances are for kids.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, what are you?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
I'm a man, and you just said so.

Charles Ingalls:
I did not.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
You said a man chops wood, clears and plows...

Charles Ingalls:
Clean the coop, Albert! Just clean the coop!

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Grownups! Whenver they're wrong, they yell at you!

Charles Ingalls:
Just clean the coop!

Laura Ingalls:
Mrs. Coulter's nice.

Mary Ingalls:
Yeah.

Laura Ingalls:
She's pretty too.

Mary Ingalls:
She sure is.

Laura Ingalls:
It would be awful if she wasn't gonna have a baby.

Mary Ingalls:
What are you talking about?

Laura Ingalls:
Well, if she just had a giant stomach forever and ever.

Mary Ingalls:
That's silly. She'll have the baby and it'll go away.

Laura Ingalls:
Mrs. Ledbetter has a big stomach and it doesn't go away.

Mary Ingalls:
Mrs. Ledbetter isn't gonna have a baby. She just eats too much.

Laura Ingalls:
How can you tell the difference? I mean, how do you know if it's a baby or just too much supper?

Mary Ingalls:
Dr. Baker can tell. And Ma says the baby kicks inside.

Laura Ingalls:
Yuck. I know I don't want to have a baby!

Mary Ingalls:
Why not?

Laura Ingalls:
Well, it hurts enough when Willie Olsen kicks me on the outside. It must hurt twice as bad when you get kicked from the inside.

Mary Ingalls:
No it doesn't.

Laura Ingalls:
Why not?

Mary Ingalls:
Because the baby doesn't have shoes on.

Laura Ingalls:
Oh yeah.

Joseph Coulter:
Well go on, kiss me goodbye before you cloud up and rain.

Mary Ingalls:
Look what you did! You oughta be ashamed of yourselves talking to her that way! And she's gonna have a baby! You're awful! God will punish you! You'll see! You deserve it, all of it. God will punish you! I know he will!

Lars Hanson:
Listen, when you get scared, you strike out against your best friend. You call him a thief. You picked on a pregnant woman. And you make her sick so she almost loses her ba-by! Well, tell me what kind of a man does that? No man. Cowards. Cowards without a backbone! You don't deserve good luck!

Harriet Oleson:
I just love you so much, Nels Oleson!

Nels Oleson:
I know that.

Harriet Oleson:
Do you? I don't... Well, I just don't know how you put up with me sometimes.

Nels Oleson:
I don't put up with you, Harriet. I love you...

Dr. Hiram Baker:
I'm not a doctor anymore. I'm a funeral director.

Isaiah Edwards:
I'd just as soon be drunk than drowned!

Charles Ingalls:
Right now, I'd say you're half and half.

Caroline Ingalls:
The Widow Snider.

Caroline Ingalls:
Hm?

Caroline Ingalls:
The Widow Snider.

Caroline Ingalls:
What about her?

Caroline Ingalls:
Perfect for Mr. Edwards. Be a whole new life for both of them.

Caroline Ingalls:
Typical woman. Matchmaking wrong as usual.

Caroline Ingalls:
Why do you say that?

Caroline Ingalls:
I couldn't think of two people more different from each other.

Caroline Ingalls:
Everybody knows opposites attract.

Caroline Ingalls:
I always wondered why you went for a shy, sophisticated, educated man like myself.

Caroline Ingalls:
[LONG PAUSE]... Charles, what did you say?

Caroline Ingalls:
I said Goodnight, Dear."

Charles Ingalls:
What did you girls learn in Sunday School today?

Mary Ingalls:
Susan Zigler passed a note to Freddie Hoffman. And it made Amanda Butterfield jealous.

Charles Ingalls:
I mean about religion.

Mary Ingalls:
Oh.

Isaiah Edwards:
I couldn't live her kind of life. I'd feel like a hypocrite.

Caroline Ingalls:
I don't understand what you mean.

Isaiah Edwards:
She's a God-fearing person. I'm not. It's as simple as that. Oh, I'm not saying there ain't no God. Just saying that he ain't never had any time for me so I ain't got no time for him.

Caroline Ingalls:
Do you believe in anything?

Isaiah Edwards:
Yes ma'am. I believe in me. That's not enough for Widow Snider.

Caroline Ingalls:
Is it enough for you?

Isaiah Edwards:
You tell me something, ma'am. You tell me why God let my wife and daughter die. [Long pause] Well, I'll be gone by the time you get back from church tomorrow. I hate goodbyes. So it's better all the way around if I'm just gone.

Caroline Ingalls:
Mr. Edwards, do you know what you're doing? You're punishing God. And if you go on punishing Him for what happened in the past, you aren't going to have any room for the future. Ii'd be so sorry if you did that.

Isaiah Edwards:
Ol' Dan Tucker was a fine ol' man, washed his face in a fryin' pan. Combed his hair with a wagon wheel, died with a toothache in his heel. Get out of the way for Ol' Dan Tucker. He's too late to get his supper. Supper's over and dinner's cookin'. Ol' Dan Tucker just a standin' there lookin'... OHHHHHHHHHH!

Eloise Taylor:
I asked God for a miracle today. I prayed by my baby's grave. I asked him to make her alive today. He can do that. He's done greater things than that.

Reverend Robert Alden:
Eloise, it's not...

Eloise Taylor:
Don't tell me it's not my place to question God. They're covering my baby out there with dirt. It'll be so dark... My Ellen was always so afraid of the dark. God doesn't care about me and God doesn't care about Ellen. Don't you come around here no more. No more!

Cal Taylor:
Eloise...

Reverend Robert Alden:
It's alright. I'll go.

Eloise Taylor:
[Picks up bible] And take your damn book with you! [throws Bible at him]

Charles Ingalls:
I wouldn't worry, I think the odds favor it [to James when he hopes Gideon is home safe]

Nels Oleson:
Furthermore, since I own everything...

Harriet Oleson:
You own?

Nels Oleson:
I own everything. I expect to be shown a little more respect. I want everything done my way for now on. That is the end of the discussion!

Harriet Oleson:
YOUR way?

Nels Oleson:
End of discussion! Now, if you'll just go fetch my slippers, I'll sit down and relax in my chair in my living room.

Caroline Ingalls:
I just hate to think that at any time my husband can at any time take anything that's mine!

Charles Ingalls:
Well my darling, if that's what's bothering you, we can just take everything we have, split it up, and put our names on it. Caroline gets the brush, Charles gets the suspenders. Caroline gets the Bible... Well, smile a little bit. It's just a joke.

Caroline Ingalls:
I don't think it's funny.

Charles Ingalls:
Alright.

Caroline Ingalls:
While I'm gone, I want you to just be yourself and have a good time.

Carrie Ingalls:
Am I gonna have to do the cooking?

Caroline Ingalls:
Oh, no no no... You're Pa's gonna do that.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Well, who's going to watch Grace?

Caroline Ingalls:
Oh, your Father can attend to that.

Carrie Ingalls:
It doesn't sound like Pa's going to have much fun.

Almanzo James Wilder:
I've been waiting a whole week to find you in this kind of state. I figured that teaching would do it.,

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Manly, what on earth are you talking about?

Almanzo James Wilder:
The answer, that's what. The answer to what you ought to be doing. You see, there's this contest. It was announced last week and I've been waiting until the right time to bring it up.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Well, what kind of contest?

Almanzo James Wilder:
Writing.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Well, what kind of writing?

Almanzo James Wilder:
Short stories, poetry, and novels. Your rememberance books must be crammed with all kinds of stories.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Manly, my rememberance books are just bits and pieces of a farm girl's life. Who would be interested in that?

Almanzo James Wilder:
Well, city folks, for one, who don't know anything about how we live. And who knows how many others?

Laura Ingalls:
Well, Nellie and Willie eat candy all the time - even for lunch sometimes. Their teeth are fine.

Mary Ingalls:
I know Willis' teeth are. He bit me once!

Charles Ingalls:
He bit you?

Mary Ingalls:
Uh huh.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, if he does it again, I want you to cuff him good!

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles.

Charles Ingalls:
I don't like that. I don't want any biting. He needs a lesson.

Caroline Ingalls:
Your father's right. If he bites you again, cuff him good.

Mary Ingalls:
I already did.

Caroline Ingalls:
I didn't want to say anything in front of Carrie.

Charles Ingalls:
What's the matter?

Caroline Ingalls:
Well I was reading her a story last night and uh... it was about a rabbit... and uh... she started to cry and said she loves rabbits and doesn't think we should eat them.

Charles Ingalls:
[laughs] Alright. If that's all I can get, I'll keep it a secret.

Leslie:
I'm not scared. I know I'll go to heaven, especially if you die in church.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
You made me promise not to argue with your mother and I have been trying, have I now?

Nellie Oleson Dalton:
Yes you have.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
I didn't yell when your mother insisted that you have supper lying down on the sofa, did I?

Nellie Oleson Dalton:
No.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
And I didn't yell when your mother started serving breakfast in bed rather I was up or not, now did I?

Nellie Oleson Dalton:
No you didn't.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
No.

Nellie Oleson Dalton:
But now... Just now... Your Mother informed me that I am no longer allowed to sleep in the same bed with my wife! [Turns angrily and gets face-to-face with Caroline] Mrs. Ingalls [Nods acknowledgement]... Nellie, I'm going to ask your permission to allow me to break my promise and yell at your Mother.

Nellie Oleson Dalton:
[Hears her mother calling] You have my permission.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton:
Because I don't want her to lie down. I want her to stand up! AND I want her to sit up when she's having her dinner... AND if she is going to have breakfast in bed, she is going to do so with me... And I'm going to sleep every night with my wife in our room! And, if I want to hold my wife, or kiss my wife, I will do so anytime or anywhere I darn well choose to like right now.

Nellie Oleson:
Little Willie with a shout gouged the baby's eyeballs out. Stomped on them to make them pop, Mother cried, now William stop!

Nellie Oleson:
Little Wilie with a brand new sash fell in the fire, was burned to an ash!

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Spots, but no fever! Not even close to fever! You've got poison ivy, honey!

Alicia Sanderson Edwards:
[Droping a wet cloth on her father's face] You put a wet cloth on my head

Julia Sanderson:
Charles... I'm gonna die.

Charles:
[shocked] What?

Julia Sanderson:
I'm going to die. That's a heck of a thing to tell a neighbor, isn't it?

Reverend Robert Alden:
[at Julia Sanderson's funeral] Julia Sanderson asked me to read this today. She wrote it for all of you, loved ones and friends alike... "Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I'll remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears, then don't remember me at all"... loud and clear.

Charles:
If you want some advice from a friend, I'd say marry that woman.

Isaiah Edwards:
That's the trouble with friends. They're always trying to give you advice!

Julia Sanderson:
Alisha, is something wrong?

Alicia Sanderson:
No Ma.

Julia Sanderson:
Come on now. What is it?

Alicia Sanderson:
It's just that I want something so bad, and if I tell you, you'll say no. And it's making me all sad inside.

Julia Sanderson:
Well now... What makes you think I'll say no?

Alicia Sanderson:
Because John said you would.

Julia Sanderson:
Your brother may be the oldest, but that doesn't mean he's always right.

Alicia Sanderson:
You mean you'll say yes?

Julia Sanderson:
You haven't told me what it is yet.

Alicia Sanderson:
A puppy. Oh ma, I would love him and take care of him and he'd be a good watch dog so you won't be scared at night. Please, Ma?

Julia Sanderson:
Before I say anything, will you answer a question?

Alicia Sanderson:
Yes ma'am.

Julia Sanderson:
The truth.

Alicia Sanderson:
The truth.

Julia Sanderson:
Did your brothers tell you to ask me?

Alicia Sanderson:
Yes 'em.

Julia Sanderson:
Alright, you may have the puppy.

Julia Sanderson:
It's happening faster than you thought, isn't it, Doctor? You tell me you'd be honest with me no matter what.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
I know. It's not the kind of thing I can be sure of.

Julia Sanderson:
Sure of what? It's how long I've got you're not sure of. Can you give me any idea?

Dr. Hiram Baker:
Well, it's localized to one chain of lymph nodes, I've seen patients go on...

Julia Sanderson:
But it's not localized. I don't want to know the longest I've got. I want to know the shortest. I've got children to provide for.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
A month. A year.

Julia Sanderson:
A week... It could happen any time, couldn't it? Well... I'll be darn...

Julia Sanderson:
Some of us are going to see him sooner than others. And the good Lord has decided that I'm going to see him very soon.

John Sanderson:
What are you saying? Oh my God, Ma!

Julia Sanderson:
Just a minute, young man! You be careful about the way you use the Lord's name! And I'll have none of that crying neither. There's no reason for someone to cry who's going to live in Heaven! You're crying for yourself and not for me!

Julia Sanderson:
I don't want anyone offer to take my children cause they feel sorry for them.That's the important thing.Pity wears out pretty quick and is a poor substitute for love.

Carl Sanderson:
I think you better tell him.

John Sanderson:
Uh... Mr. Edwards, I didn't want to say anything because you said you've built lots of tree houses.

Isaiah Edwards:
Oh, hundreds is all.

John Sanderson:
Well, I think you forgot something on this one.

Isaiah Edwards:
What's that?

John Sanderson:
A door, or a hole, or something so we can get in.

Caroline Ingalls:
You said you didn't want to split up the children.

Charles Ingalls:
That's right, I don't.

Caroline Ingalls:
But you're thinking about it now.

Charles Ingalls:
I have to. I don't have a choice anymore.

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles...

Charles Ingalls:
What, you think this is way I want it? I wish to heaven I could take those children, but I can't! I can barely put shoes on my own girls. This is the first time in my life I wished I was rich.

Charles Ingalls:
You think I'm wrong?

Isaiah Edwards:
Yeah, I think you're wrong. You've always had a family. You don't know what it's like to be alone. Well, I do. I lost my wife and daughter... a part of me died too, and that part of me ain't never gonna come to life again. Oh, I know. Happy go lucky Mr. Edwards to all you folks. Just having fun and laughing all the time - just like them young one's laughing now. Let me tell you something. It's different when you're alone. When you lie in bed at night and listen to the silence and you pray to God y ou can hear the sound of your loved one sleeping. Alright... You made your choice. Just don't expect me to tell you it's right.

Charles Ingalls:
And don't expect me to tell you you're right. You made your choice. You want to be alone.

Isaiah Edwards:
No it ain't alright. It ain't alright at all. Look Charles, I got mad at you the other day because... well, I wasn't mad at you. I was made at me. You were right. I was alone because I made that choice. Don't ask me why, I don't know. Guilt... Fear... I don't know. If I knew the reason, I wouldn't be where I am right now... It's just that I think these children oughta stay together. Grace, I know this ain't the time or the place, but if we're gonna have ourselves a family, we oughta get ourselves married. I love you.

Caroline:
[Mrs. Oleson has caused a student to run out of the schoolhouse] Children! Can any of you spell "compassion"? Can any of you spell "understanding"? Will any of you tell us the meaning of these words?

[pause]

Caroline:
Well, don't feel bad children - I don't think Mrs. Oleson knows the meaning to these words, either.

Harriet Oleson:
Uh... before any decision is made, I would like to have an assurance.

Lars Hanson:
Yaw, Mrs. Olsen?

Harriet Oleson:
Well, uh... Mrs. Ingalls has two children of her own. And I would like to be assured that if she takes the position, that she won't show favoritism toward her two children other... uh... other children.

Caroline:
[after long pause while staring at Mrs. Olsen] Mr. Hansen, I've made up my mind. I'll teach the children.

Laura Ingalls:
But Ma, he's just dumb Able!

Caroline:
What did you say?

Laura Ingalls:
I said... he's just... dumb Able.

Caroline:
Laura, I'm ashamed of you!

Mary Ingalls:
It's just a nickname. What all the kids call him.

Caroline:
Well, it's a cruel nick name! And the next one I hear use it, my child or any other's, gonna get her mouth washed out with soap, the strongest soap I can find!

Charles Ingalls:
Caroline, just one more thing. Just remember, the eggs are for selling, not for throwing.

Harriet Oleson:
Didn't you tell the children I was going to teach today?

Nellie Oleson:
We did.

Willie Oleson:
That's the trouble.

Harriet Oleson:
Well he's my son too! More so!

Nels Oleson:
How do you figure that?

Harriet Oleson:
I bore him!

Nels Oleson:
Well, you bore me too but that doesn't make you my Mother!

Charles Ingalls:
I'm in the doghouse. I forgot my anniversary.

Nels Oleson:
I wish I could forget mine.

Harriet Oleson:
Nels, don't forget you have a tongue in the oven.

Nels Oleson:
I got one in the store too.

Mrs. Oleson:
[fighting over Willie] He's my child! I bore him!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Well you bore me all the time! That doesn't make you my mother!

Mrs. Oleson:
Nels! You know what I mean!

Caroline Ingalls:
Land sakes! When I think of Laura in front of that runaway horse...

Laura Ingalls:
Well, what was I supposed to do?

Caroline Ingalls:
I'm just glad I didn't see it.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Why'd I have to have a girl for a sister?

Mrs. Oleson:
If God had wanted me to talk with my hands, He wouldn't have given me a mouth.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
Even God can make a mistake.

Laura Ingalls:
I'm going to stop by the Wilder place and tell Miss Wilder all about it.

Charles Ingalls:
You're gonna tell MISS Wilder.

Laura Ingalls:
Yeah.

Charles Ingalls:
You could do that in school on Monday.

Laura Ingalls:
I know.

Charles Ingalls:
I wonder if almanzo is going to be there.

Laura Ingalls:
I wouldn't know.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, what difference does that make anyway? Why would you want to go all the way over there just to tell Almanzo you're a grown up teacher lady for?

Elliott Reed:
I didn't approve of her marrying you, but she went ahead and married you anyway. I didn't approve of her moving West, but here she is! She has rejected my advice and my help at every turn!

John Carter:
You don't give advice, Elliot. You give orders. She's tired of being pushed around by you, and so am I. Now, you've given her nothing but grief ever since you got here. Now this may be a shack, but it's our shack. And you're not welcome in it.

Charles Ingalls:
What are you studying in history right now?

Laura Ingalls:
Same old thing... dead people!

Harriet Oleson:
As a matter of fact, I have two students for you. My own Nellie and Willie. They are both very musically inclined... I'm afraid you won't find too many people around here who have music appreciation. As a matter of fact, I am the only one who's had any musical training around here. Voice, actually.

Granville Whipple:
Well then uh... I'll have to hear you sing sometime.

Granville Whipple:
I want you to practice an hour every day.

Nellie Oleson:
Yes sir, but I probably won't need an hour every day. My mother said it won't take me nearly as long as most.

Gargan:
I've never met the man but he has a reputation for fair dealing. That's why I don't trust him.

Charles Ingalls:
Why not?

Gargan:
Well, folks with good reputations can cheat from you a lot easier than folks with bad reputations. You understand?

Charles Ingalls:
Sort of, yeah.

Charles Ingalls:
You know, you don't love your wife. Your just afraid of being alone.

Bret Harper:
I'm not afraid of being alone, Ingalls. I've spent the past four years working very hard at being alone.

Bret Harper:
I won't make any promises, and I won't plead. But I will try.

Gargan:
Sandy, get movin'. We've got a lot of work today.

Sandy:
You want it right or you want it quick?

Gargan:
You want to get paid, or you want to get fired?

Almanzo James Wilder:
You know what I really dream about?

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
It used to be me.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Oh Sweetheart, it still is. And the baby, and all the other babies we're going to have and all their babies and everything we're going to leave them.

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
I have enough to worry about than to worry that my father and husband could be massacred at any minute!

Laura Ingalls Wilder:
Ma, I'm no special case.

Caroline Ingalls:
Being pregnant makes you a special case!

Marshal Anders:
If I were you folks, I'd start looking for shelter. There's a blizzard coming.

Charles Ingalls:
A storm, maybe. It's a little late in the year for a blizzard.

Marshal Anders:
Well now, you call it what you want to, Mister. But that's a blizzard wind. Both of my feet have been frostbit twice. They tell me when a bad one's coming. And they're telling me now.

Laura Ingalls:
Besides, you aren't supposed to argue over a game. Right, Ma?

Caroline Ingalls:
You have my permission to argue if it'll help you keep warm.

Caroline Ingalls:
Murder, you keep saying that. Who did he murder?

Marshal Anders:
Who? He was one of the Sioux Chiefs in the '62 uprising, tried and convicted and sentenced to hang!

Charles Ingalls:
Then why didn't he?

Marshal Anders:
Well, Abe Lincoln! He stuck his nose into it. He called them... Sioux Warriors. They believed in what they were fighting for so he pardoned the whole bunch of them!

Charles Ingalls:
No different then the men in Confederate uniforms who fought for what they believe in.

Marshal Anders:
That was different!

Charles Ingalls:
President Lincoln didn't think so.

Charles Ingalls:
People like you have taken almost everything from that man. His freedom. His land. Almost his life. Don't tell me you're sorry. Tell him.

Marshal Anders:
Ingalls, next time I tell you there's gonna be a blizzard, maybe you'll believe me.

Charles Ingalls:
I will. Even if it's the Fourth of July.

Charles Ingalls:
What'd this Lame Horse do?

Marshal Anders:
He got borned.

Charles Ingalls:
He calls the Indian a savage...

Laura Ingalls:
I can't believe it. I'm a teacher. I'm a teacher!

Laura Ingalls:
My Pa doesn't like my new hairstyle. He says it makes me look too mature.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Well, I think it looks real nice.

Laura Ingalls:
Thank you. Do you think it makes me look too mature?

Almanzo James Wilder:
No, I don't think it makes you look mature at all.

Laura Ingalls:
[Disappointed] Thank you.

Laura Ingalls:
What's wrong?

Almanzo James Wilder:
Nothing. Nothing's wrong. It's just...

Laura Ingalls:
Just...?

Almanzo James Wilder:
Nothin'. [Grins, then helps Laura into buggy. Gets in buggy then just stares at Laura]

Laura Ingalls:
Now there is too something wrong. What is it?

Almanzo James Wilder:
You look different. You look older.

Laura Ingalls:
Well... I am... a week older.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Yeah.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Your Pa told me I should ask you if you'd like to come with me to the church social this Friday night.

Laura Ingalls:
He did?

Almanzo James Wilder:
I mean... I... I asked his permission to ask you.

Laura Ingalls:
You did?

Almanzo James Wilder:
How about it?

Laura Ingalls:
Well... I'll have to think about it, Manley.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Oh.

Laura Ingalls:
Can I let you know Friday?

Almanzo James Wilder:
Sure.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, at least my daughter's showing a little good common sense, huh?

Caroline Ingalls:
Your daughter... And I supposed that if she said 'Yes Almanzo, I'd love to go to the church social with you,' she would've been my daughter.

Charles Ingalls:
Right.

Charles Ingalls:
I have a terrible feeling I'm about to lose a daughter.

Caroline Ingalls:
I hope so. Well... I'm dying to call you grandpa.

Charles Ingalls:
Same to you, Grandma!

Laura Ingalls:
It's like I'm wearing your colors.

Almanzo James Wilder:
I hope so. Sweet Sixteen

Nels Oleson:
Harriet, boys will be boys.

Harriet Oleson:
My son will not be a boy!

Harriet Oleson:
How could you? How could you be a peeping Tom?

Willie Oleson:
I couldn't. My name's Willie.

Charles Ingalls:
It's just natural curiosity, Harriet - - boys will be boys, myself included - - all of us boys liked to go to the swimming holes to have a peep at the girls when they were frolicking in the water.

Harriet Oleson:
Oh really? Well, I certainly don't remember any of the boys sneaking around the swimming hole when I was a girl.

Nels Oleson:
[in a sarcastic under-his-breath tone, knowing how spoiled rotten and obnoxious his wife must have been as a child - - just like their daughter Nellie is now - - and so no boys would likely have been romantically interested in her, let alone been curious to see her scantily-clothed] THAT'S the truth!

Harriet Oleson:
[sharply] What was that?

Nels Oleson:
[hastily] I said, Charles is telling the truth. We do indeed need to show some leniency and understanding here.

Caroline Ingalls:
Mrs. Oleson, on Sunday I will go to church. And I will ask God to forgive me for this. [Picks up bread dough and slaps it on Mrs. Olseon's face] But to tell you the truth, I think the Good Lord would have done the same thing!

Stage Coach Driver:
Here, read it for yourself. James and the Younger gang tried to hold up the First National Bank up in Northfield. Got themselves done in for their trouble.

Lewis Ford:
What do you mean done in?

Stage Coach Driver:
Well, read what it says right there. Trail Miller, James Treadwell shot dead in the street.

Lars Hanson:
What happened to the James boys?

Stage Coach Driver:
Well, them two got away. Not too far, I'll wager. Frank James got himself shot. Reckon that'll slow them down a lot.

Caroline Ingalls:
What are you working on?

Laura Ingalls:
Spelling. I have to write down every word I missed twenty-five times.

Caroline Ingalls:
Mm... How many did you miss?

Laura Ingalls:
A few...

Caroline Ingalls:
[after helping Laura spell a word] If Mary wins that dictionary, pretty soon you won't have to ask. You can look the words up.

Laura Ingalls:
How can I look up a word I can't spell?

Caroline Ingalls:
Well young lady, you're gonna remember from this night on! And you can forget that examination. Now, tomorrow morning I want you to go in and tell Miss Beatle that you're not taking it!

Laura Ingalls:
But Ma, she can't.

Caroline Ingalls:
Why not?

Laura Ingalls:
Because tomorrow's Saturday.

Reverend Robert Alden:
Most troubles are not as black as they seem if you pull them into the sunshine and shine the light on them.

Reverend Robert Alden:
If you forget this punishment, all your girls can expect you to forget the next one... and the one after that.

Lars Hanson:
If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is a liar and a thief!

Isaiah Edwards:
Well I can't deny telling a few stories now and then, but I ain't never taken nothing.

Lars Hanson:
No, no, it has nothing to do with you. It is the Galendars, they are both liars and thieves.

Isaiah Edwards:
I don't rightly know what you're talking about.

Lars Hanson:
You know that load of lumber that Charles delivered? You know what they did? They sold it to Henderson three dollars cheaper! And I lose both the lumber and the order.

Isaiah Edwards:
No matter about that, they still gotta pay you for it.

Lars Hanson:
Oh yeah, they pay, they lie, that's what they do! And they are not even ashamed.

Isaiah Edwards:
Well you'll have to have a talk with'em...

Lars Hanson:
No, Nels Oleson already tried. You know what they did? They took almost $20 of his merchandise.

Isaiah Edwards:
Well you don't just take something without paying for it.

Lars Hanson:
They say they pay, that way it is credit. You can't put a man in jail for his bills.

Isaiah Edwards:
Someone oughta take a switch to'em, and a big'un. Back in Duvall County, we had some fellas who wouldn't do nothin' but take them down to the creek and...

Lars Hanson:
No, no, I've seen this sort of thing before. They get tired and then they move on. That is better, that way nobody gets hurt.

Isaiah Edwards:
But... [Hanson walks away] 'Least you coulda done was let me finish my story. It was a pip.

Harriet Oleson:
Well, if that isn't just like the Ingalls. Giving their children an unfair advantage.

Nellie Oleson:
Laura and Mary will find all kinds of leaves that nobody can find around here.

Nels Oleson:
I happen to know that Charles has been planning this fishing trip for weeks.

Harriet Oleson:
Well, you certainly don't think that he's going to spend all his time fishing, do you? I happen to know that he sets great store by his children. So he's gonna help them all he can.

Willie Oleson:
Yeah, it's not fair!

Nels Oleson:
Well, I don't know what you expect me to do about it.

Harriet Oleson:
I expect you to find out where they're going. Then take your son... your daughter to the exact same spot.

Nels Oleson:
I can't do that! A man doesn't just intrude on another man's Holiday.

Harriet Oleson:
The forests and the rivers belong to you as much as they do to him.

Harriet Oleson:
The two of us together under the wilderness sky... Ah... Just think of it!

Nels Oleson:
I am.

Harriet Oleson:
I'll carry the pack with the tea service in it myself.

Charles Ingalls:
Tea service?

Nels Oleson:
That's what I've been trying to tell ya. Harriet decided to come along.

Charles Ingalls:
Caroline, I think we left something in the barn.

Nels Oleson:
The way she's always fussing over the children all the time... She's wants them to have everything she didn't have when she was a child.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, you can't blame her for that.

Nels Oleson:
Oh yes I can. She had everything when she was a child.

Charles Ingalls:
Nels, you're alright!

[Charles just learned from Nels that Harriet decided to tag along for the camping trip and asked Caroline to meet him in the barn]

Charles Ingalls:
All right, now, I won't do it. I will not go on a tip with that woman.

Caroline Ingalls:
But everybody's ready. We can't just go off and leave her standing here.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, then there won't be any trip. Now you go out, tell them I broke my leg, tell them anything. I'm not gonna go.

Caroline Ingalls:
You'll miss your fishing.

Charles Ingalls:
Fishing? With that woman on the trip, there won't be a fish biting for nine miles in any direction.

Harriet Oleson:
I see it as an opportunity to do God's work.

Alice Garvey:
God's work?

Harriet Oleson:
Yes. An opportunity for the more gifted to help the less gifted.

Nellie Oleson:
Do you know how I get good grades?

Andrew 'Andy' Garvey:
I guess so. You study hard and your naturally smart.

Nellie Oleson:
No. I cheat.

Harriet Oleson:
There must have been some terrible mistake! Why, it's impossible that my Nellie didn't win. Obviously you graded the papers incorrectly.

Alice Garvey:
You may be right. You can check the answers if you want. They're right here. Inside Nellie's jacket. The same jacket she's worn for ever test I've given. Except this last test. I've kept it up here on my desk. Have a nice day.

Mary Ingalls:
Pa, can I go to town with Mr. Hodgekiss? I can kinda introduce him to everybody and let him know who's stingy and who's generous.

Reverend Robert Alden:
He's taking from poor people.

Mattie Hodgekiss:
He's taking for the needy. Lord knows we are needy.

Reverend Robert Alden:
I heard what you were saying. There's a few things I'd like to add.

Caleb Hodgekiss:
Reverend, I...

Reverend Robert Alden:
Don't interrupt a minster when he's talking to his congregation. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Brother Hodgekiss for the work he's done here. Thank all of you, you've been very generous. But I've known Brother Hodgekiss for a while. And I can tell you that what I know of the man, that he's given more than any of you realize. I know it's not considered proper, but I think the Lord would forgive us if we all give the Reverend a round of applause.

Mary Ingalls:
...We wondered if you'd be willing to rent part of this room.

Harriet Oleson:
Rent? Did you say rent?

Mary Ingalls:
We'd consider the money you'd charge for rent as part of your contribution to the drive. I mean, if you rent fifty dollars for the room, we could enter that fifty dollars as part of the donation. And people around would be terribly impressed.

Harriet Oleson:
Fifty dollars... my, that sounds like a rather large donation to charity [laughs thoughtfully]

Mary Ingalls:
Probably one of the biggest gift that size in the whole county.

Harriet Oleson:
Ah... lIs that the ledger? May I? Mr. Sprague is only giving thirty dollars?

Mary Ingalls:
He's temporarily strapped for funds.

Harriet Oleson:
I see... Put the rental down for sixty dollars. The least I can do is contribute twice as much as the town banker.

Caleb Hodgekiss:
Well, I never put my stock in the pearly gates. It always sounded like a bunch of froo froo to me.

Laura Ingalls:
I don't see why you have to spend so much time with that old man.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Well, I like him. That's why.

Laura Ingalls:
You seem to be the only one that does. Nobody likes Jews!

Charles Ingalls:
Half-Pint, what kind of talk is that?

Laura Ingalls:
Well, it's true. And I get made fun of too, just because I'm his sister.

Charles Ingalls:
So then rather than being made fun of, you go along the rest of them that dislikes someone just because they're a Jew.

Laura Ingalls:
I don't dislike him...

Charles Ingalls:
Half-pint, if you don't stand up to people... bigots... then you're no better than they are. Worse, in fact, because you know that it's wrong and you allow them to think that you feel the same way they do.

Jud Larrabee:
Ain't nothing wrong with being prejudice against jews. It's kinda like a self-defense!

Jonathan Garvey:
I kind of agree with you, Larrabee. I'm prejudice myself.

Jud Larrabee:
[Smiles] You are? Against who?

Jonathan Garvey:
Against short, rednecked farmers.

Mrs. Oleson:
My problem is I got too soft of a heart for my own good!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[under his breath] It's as hard as a rock.

Mrs. Oleson:
What?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
I said I've got to check the stock!

Reverend Robert Alden:
[enters the church and notices Charles' green hair] Today's text, which I have chosen several days ago, is based on the 23rd Psalm. The Lord is my shepherd, I'll not want. He maketh me lie down in green pastures.

[Reverend Alden starts to laugh and then the whole church breaks out with laughter]

Charles:
I'm going to take the wagon, I'll meet you home!

[Caroline starts to laugh]

Nellie Oleson:
It is my pleasure and honor to stand before you today and candidate to be your president. There are many reasons why you should vote for me. First because my mother is the member of the school board... and finally, you should vote for me because my mother will give a party if I win. Cake and ice cream for everyone, and everyone who votes for me is invited!

Harriet Oleson:
Willie, we know that you're going to vote for your sister.

Willie Oleson:
Not if I don't get any sourballs!

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
What color did you paint it?

Laura Ingalls:
Pink and purple!

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
Pink... and purple?

Laura Ingalls:
Yeah.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
You know Laura, I'm... kinda glad I can't see it.

Harriet Oleson:
Now, I would say that's interesting. Wouldn't you say?

Melinda Foster:
Interesting?

Harriet Oleson:
Mm hm.

Melinda Foster:
I would say that's probably the worst exhibition of bad taste I'll ever see! Oh! How could anyone pick that dreadful color?

Harriet Oleson:
I agree with you completely, of course. But after all, they're just children. Well, I was trying to be kind. You know, they really come from a family that doesn't have very much culture.

Laura Ingalls:
Hi, Mrs. Olseon!

Harriet Oleson:
Oh, hello darling!

Laura Ingalls:
Well, what do you think?

Harriet Oleson:
Oh uh... well, uh... I just think it's lovely.

Laura Ingalls:
Oh good, I think so too. And I don't care what Mr. Oleson says, the colors that you picked are just perfect.

Caroline Ingalls:
You have a very loyal flock here, Reverend Alden.

Reverend Robert Alden:
Not all of them, Mrs. Ingalls. Otherwise, why would Mrs. Olsen have invited Reverend Danforth here in the first place?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
She probably figures she needs more than one church service to get the forgiveness for all the stuff she does.

Harriet Oleson:
If Reverend Danforth is really what they think he is... well, I'm gonna look like an absolute fool!

Nels Oleson:
Harriet, I told a lie out there.

Harriet Oleson:
Oh Nels, what are you talking about?

Nels Oleson:
I am not looking forward to Reverend Danforth coming back

Harriet Oleson:
Why Nels Oleson, what is the matter with you?

Nels Oleson:
It's the way I feel!

Harriet Oleson:
Well, if you feel that way, then why did you vote for him?

Nels Oleson:
Because you wanted him here! Because the town wanted him.

Harriet Oleson:
Well, of course they did! The man is obviously a hand of God! Well, he is! And he's going to make this town famous. And it certainly isn't gonna hurt our business any. People are gonna come from miles around to be healed! And it was my idea to bring him here in the first place, and don't you forget it.

Nels Oleson:
I'm sure I won't forget it.

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
[enters blind school] May I see your water closet?

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
[she and Hester-Sue snicker] You came all the way over here just to use the water closet?

Nelson "Nels" Oleson:
No I want to see how it's installed. Harriet's making me install one.

Hester-Sue Terhune:
Right this way Mr. Oleson

Nellie Oleson:
Hello, Laura.

Laura:
Hi, Nellie.

Nellie Oleson:
Willie told me all about your class project. How's yours coming?

Laura:
I haven't started it yet.

Nellie Oleson:
I see. It must be very hard tracing all your relatives. Names and everything. Have to spend all that time in the forest or wherever it is you're from.

Laura:
It's called the Big Woods and I'll manage thank you.

Nellie Oleson:
You know the Oleson family goes all the way back to royalty. We come from heads of state and titles for most of my relatives.

Laura:
Like Nero and Ivan the Terrible?

Mary Ingalls:
What were you and Nellie fighting about now?

Laura Ingalls:
About fighting.

Mary Ingalls:
What?

Laura Ingalls:
Nevermind.

Jonathan Garvey:
I worked six months to save that five dollars.

Dr. Hiram Baker:
I was planning on taking the day off tomorrow, but it looks like I better stick around. After all, what are friends for? Of course, since it's Saturday I'm going to have to charge you double.

Laura Ingalls:
Why can't you be like the rest of the children and join in?

Nellie Oleson:
Mother says we're not like the rest of the children.

Laura Ingalls:
I suppose she's right.

Mary Ingalls:
Miss Beadle!

Eva Beadle:
Yes Mary?

Mary Ingalls:
Have you been feeling well lately?

Eva Beadle:
Well yes Mary, very well. Thank you.

Mary Ingalls:
Miss Beadle!

Eva Beadle:
Yes?

Mary Ingalls:
You haven't felt weak, or tired recently? Or lost your appetite? Or maybe you don't sleep very good.

Eva Beadle:
No really, Mary. I'm fine.

Mary Ingalls:
Miss Beadle...

Eva Beadle:
Yes Mary?

Mary Ingalls:
Is your stomach weak? Are you getting thin? How's your circulation?

Eva Beadle:
Mary, I assure you I feel wonderful. And I'm enjoying the best of health.

Mary Ingalls:
Miss Beadle...

Eva Beadle:
Yes Mary?

Mary Ingalls:
If you do get to feeling poorly, would you tell me please?

Eva Beadle:
Certainly Mary.

Laura Ingalls:
Ma'am, I'm a poor child, and I need your help. My mother died. My Pa's real, real sick.

Mrs. Hobson:
Well, that's terrible!

Laura Ingalls:
Yes ma'am. And my two baby sisters are starving from hunger.

Mrs. Hobson:
I've never heard of such a thing!

Laura Ingalls:
It's really sad, ma'am. And that's why I'm doing all I can to help. That's why I'm selling Dr. Briskin's Homeopathic Remedies.

Mrs. Hobson:
Selling? You?

Laura Ingalls:
Yes ma'am. This one sells colic quick as a scat. And this one is for diseases of the heart. And this one is for stomach troubles. Any disease that you have I've got the cure for.

Mrs. Hobson:
If that's true, why is it your mother's dead and your father's sick?

Laura Ingalls:
Well... You see...

Mrs. Hobson:
Aren't you one of the Ingalls' girls?

Laura Ingalls:
Yes ma'am.

Mrs. Hobson:
I saw your mother this morning and she looked in very good health.

Mary Ingalls:
We just can't go to church today, Pa.

Laura Ingalls:
We have Laran-gitis.

Charles Ingalls:
You have what?

Mary Ingalls:
Laran-gatas

Charles Ingalls:
How long do you thing this... laran-gatas is gonna last?

Laura Ingalls:
We need a few more hours to get over it, Pa.

Charles Ingalls:
How about by the time your ma and me and Carrie get back from church. Will you feel better by then?

Mary Ingalls:
I'm sure we will, Pa. We just have to get our strength back.

Charles Ingalls:
Yeah. First of all, it's pronounced laryngitis. It means you can't talk...

Carrie Ingalls:
[after eating, a piece of berry] Mmm! That's good!

Alyssa:
[Delighted] Told ya so! [giggles]

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
What do you think, Ma? Do I look like a chief?

Caroline Ingalls:
Well, you either look like a very small chief or a very large chicken.

Charles Ingalls:
Well you either look like a small chief...

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
Or a big chicken, Ma already said that.

Charles Ingalls:
[carving a jack-o-lantern] We already got 2 candles in there, let's see if we can make it 3.

Carrie Ingalls:
[in a dream, on horses, see other Indians riding towards them] Well at least you're the only one who looks like a chief.

Mrs. Oleson:
[after seeing Chris go to church with the Ingalls] I wouldn't feel safe with a stranger living in the house like that.

Kezia Horn:
Well, if it's any comfort to you at all Mrs.O, I can guarantee that YOU'D BE SAFE!

[Mr. Oleson smiles at that]

Nellie Oleson:
When the cat's away, the mice do play. Isn't that what Mother said?

Willie Oleson:
I wonder what it means.

Nellie Oleson:
I don't know. Do you know what it means, Mary?

Mary Ingalls:
What?

Nellie Oleson:
Oh no you wouldn't. You're too young.

Willie Oleson:
Well, what's it mean?

Nellie Oleson:
Shut up! I bet your mother knows.

Laura Ingalls:
What's she talking about?

Mary Ingalls:
Nothing. Just eat your lunch.

Nellie Oleson:
Some folks call it Monkey business.

Willie Oleson:
I know what that is. It's when a monkey goes...

Nellie Oleson:
Shut up! I bet even Mary knows what monkey business is. Don't you, Mary. Thank hard. Monkey business... monkey business... monkey business...

[Mary slaps Nellie]

Laura Ingalls:
Then why'd you hit her?

Mary Ingalls:
Because I felt like it.

Laura Ingalls:
Oh.

Mary Ingalls:
And I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Charles Ingalls:
You'll never guess who told me you had somebody helping you out here.

Caroline Ingalls:
Mrs. Olsen.

Charles Ingalls:
Right. She came running out of the store when I got there. She told me he was about my age, a good looking guy and you were treating him just like one of the family.

Caroline Ingalls:
What did you say?

Charles Ingalls:
Well, I told her thank you very much for easing my mind. The old biddy, she thought she was going to make me jealous!

Mary Ingalls:
I want you to go.

Chris Nelson:
What?

Mary Ingalls:
I want you to leave here and never come back.

Chris Nelson:
I don't understand.

Mary Ingalls:
Yes you do.

Chris Nelson:
No Mary, I don't.

Mary Ingalls:
You love my mother, don't you?

Chris Nelson:
Mary, I uh...

Mary Ingalls:
Just answer my question. You love my mother.

Chris Nelson:
Mary, your Mother is a fine woman.

Mary Ingalls:
You don't have to tell me about my Mother. Just answer my question.

Chris Nelson:
[Long pause] I'll be gone by morning.

Caroline Ingalls:
Are you alright?

Chris Nelson:
Yeah, I'm alright. I just knocked the wind out of myself.

Caroline Ingalls:
No, you're hurt.

Chris Nelson:
It's just a scratch, don't bother with it.

Caroline Ingalls:
That's no scratch. [Looks at the injury and gasps] Now you come inside and take your shirt off!

Caroline Ingalls:
Men will never learn how to shop. Charles went to the Mercentile yesterday and bought so much stuff that I'll never be able to use it...

Alice Garvey:
Caroline, close friends should never try to lie to one another. I can use. Thank you.

Alice Garvey:
How did you get the money?

Jonathan Garvey:
I sold the team.

Alice Garvey:
You what?

Jonathan Garvey:
It was worth it just to see the look on Mrs. Olsen's face when I paid the entire bill and I bought all this besides.

Alice Garvey:
You sold the team? How could you? How could you do such a foolish thing? Those horses were the only sure thing we had of getting back on your feet again. Jonathan, what's on your mind?

Jonathan Garvey:
Providing. Providing for the needs of my family. What else is ever on my mind?

Laura Ingalls:
Why do people get divorced?

Charles Ingalls:
I don't know, lots of reasons I guess. I don't think we even know anybody that's been divorced.

Laura Ingalls:
I wish we still didn't.

Caroline Ingalls:
When you love somebody, it's worth putting your pride behind you.

Caroline Ingalls:
I hope that being right is enough for you, because you sure are paying a high price for it... so is Andrew,

Jonathan Garvey:
You don't have to worry about us. We aren't unreasonable people.

Judge Picker:
You must be if you're getting a divorce.

Charles Ingalls:
[Charles burst out laughing in the middle of the Garvey's argument during divorce court]

Jonathan Garvey:
You better tell me why you're laughing!

Charles Ingalls:
He says that she says that he said she said... You didn't... She didn't say you were crazy, you said you were crazy.

Jonathan Garvey:
Well, what did she say?

Charles Ingalls:
[Still laughing uncontrollably] I don't know what she said.

Jonathan Garvey:
[Charles' laughter is catching. Soon, they are all laughing about it. Suddenly, the Garvey's are in each other's arms, still laughing]

Judge Picker:
[bangs his gavel] I want everyone to remain very calm. [laughter continues] I only want to know... are we... or are we not getting a divorce?

Jonathan Garvey:
Well... I don't know? Are you?

Jonathan Garvey:
[Increased laughter]

Judge Picker:
Mr. Garvey, I'm going to concur with the general census. Your wife did not tell you your crazy... But I am! I'm telling all of ya... Your crazy!

Kavendish:
Listen, if there was a shorter way to Sleepy Eye, why ain't there no road?

Charles Ingalls:
You sound like my wife.

Kavendish:
I'm surprised a man fellow like you could be married... to anybody with sense...

Charles Ingalls:
Hey, you're ripping my face off!

Kavendish:
By noon? Is that what he's been telling you? [laughs]

Almanzo James Wilder:
What's funny?

Kavendish:
By noon, your father-in-law had us stuck in a bog in the middle of a prairie. And by 1:30, he had driven us on to a dead end! Some shortcut. He had to drive at least five miles back to the road!

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
I don't understand any o f this.

Almanzo James Wilder:
Well, I sure do. It means your Pa's treatin' us to supper instead of me. I think that I'm gonna have a nice big steak. The biggest one you got. Then I think I'm gonna have two eggs over easy. Then I'm gonna have a nice big side of mushrooms, and a nice green salad. And for dessert, a nice big piece of your peach pie.

Caroline Ingalls:
If you must know, it's for your birthday.

Charles Ingalls:
My birth... It's three weeks away!

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles, you're worse than the girls.

Charles Ingalls:
Alright. It doesn't matter to me. [Picks up the present he got for Caroline] Of course, I bought a few groceries myself. [Caroline gasps] For your birthday. I only have to work three weeks, you have to wait three months.

Caroline Ingalls:
Charles, that's not fair!

Charles Ingalls:
What's fair for me is fair for you...

Charles Ingalls:
You want them to pity us and then feel happy for us.

Harvey Woods:
Exactly. And look at you. Look at this farm. You're prosperous!

Charles Ingalls:
Well I'm sorry that we're not as poor as you'd hoped!

Lars Hanson:
Charles, where are you going?

Charles Ingalls:
I'm going home. I don't have to work anymore. Haven't you heard, I'm rich!

Jonathan Garvey:
I bought your farm.

Charles Ingalls:
I would have felt a lot better if a stranger had bought it, Jonathan.

Jonathan Garvey:
I couldn't turn it down, Charles. I only had to pay two cents for it.

Harriet Oleson:
Caroline, I want to hear all about your husband's dear ol' Uncle Rich!

Charles Ingalls:
Uh, his name was Ned.

Harriet Oleson:
Oh, well whatever.

Charles Ingalls:
You ladies have a good chat. I gotta get to work, Caroline. Bye.

Harriet Oleson:
Now Caroline, I want to know all about your husband's dear ol' Uncle Rich.

Charles Ingalls:
Ned.

Harriet Oleson:
Oh yes...

Kezia Horne:
[Kezia is separating peas from their pods] With that bathing suit on she looks like a hot air balloon!

Mrs. Oleson:
What did you say?

Kezia Horne:
I said I ought to have all these peas cracked by noon.

Mrs. Oleson:
Well you better!

Jonathan Garvey:
I'm really proud of that moose head.

Alice Garvey:
So was he.

Jonathan Garvey:
I didn't hear you complaining when you ate his meat.

Alice Garvey:
He wasn't staring at me then.

Nellie Oleson:
[Screaming] Kill it!

Mrs. Oleson:
[Screaming] Yes! Shot it! Kill it!

Nellie Oleson:
[Screaming] You've got the gun!

Nels Oleson:
[Groaning, walks into Kezia's house with moss all over his head. He pushes moss back from his eyes and the others start laughing] I came out to see what all the fuss was about, and I got to laughing so hard, I fell in the lake!

Laura Ingalls:
You won't tell on us, will you?

Nels Oleson:
Never! Ne-ver!

Jack:
Did you ever want to do something different, just for the sake of doing it?

Charles Ingalls:
Well, like what?

Jack:
Just... Different... Something like... Well... Important-like. Leaving your stamp so's the world know you'd been there.

Charles Ingalls:
You wanta be famous, Jack?

Jack:
Nothing like that. Well, maybe just a little bit. I mean... You get born... You grow up... You get married, you build a house or two, you have children. And you work at whatever you can to pay for it all... and the kids grow up. They move away. Suddenly, there you are. You're facing the idea that never once did you do something... special... just for you to be remembered by...

Caroline Ingalls:
If it's a legacy you're after, Charles, you can't do better than our children.

Harriet Oleson:
Nels... Kidnapped... A HUNDRED DOLLARS RANSOM? [Faints]

Reverend Robert Alden:
I'm not used to handling guns. The Bible is my weapon.

Charles Ingalls:
Thought you could use some firewood for the stove to keep you and the other passengers warm.

Conductor:
Well now, ain't that nice. That's real nice. But you're still gonna have to ride on the flatcar with the rest of the hired help.

Isaiah Edwards:
I guess you better write something for me. Let's see now... uh... Feel funny saying it to you.

Charles Ingalls:
Come on. Dear Grace, that's an easy way to start.

Isaiah Edwards:
Alright, dear grace. Uh... Tell her everything's fun and give the young one's a kiss and uh...

Charles Ingalls:
And?

Isaiah Edwards:
And I love her. Don't sit there grinning like a cat in a birdhouse. Write it down.

Isaiah Edwards:
Better get a good night's sleep. I have a feeling the next ten days will feel like an eternity.

Charles Ingalls:
Just might be.

Isaiah Edwards:
Huh...

[discussing the birth of Caroline Ingalls' fourth child]

Mrs. Oleson:
Well, in my case, Nellie and Willie were MORE than enough.

Caroline:
In the case of Nellie and Willie, Mrs. Oleson, I'd have to agree with you.

Charles:
He's in Heaven, child. It's God's will.

Charles:
Aren't you going to eat something?

Caroline:
Carrie already had hers and... I'm not hungry.

Charles:
You hardly eat enough to keep a bird alive.

Caroline:
I'll gain weight soon enough. All women do.

Charles:
Don't tell me you're worried about gaining weight. You take after your mother. There's no way your going to gain any.

Caroline:
There's one way.

Charles:
Where if there is, i'd sure like to know...

Charles:
I just feel funny calling the baby an 'it.' I mean, don't you think you'd feel a little put out if somebody kept calling you 'it?'

Caroline:
I'd feel worse, Charles, if I were a girl and somebody kept calling me a boy.

Charles:
That's my son, Charles Ingalls, Jr.

Caroline:
I never noticed before what a hurry everyone's always in. Oh, those people... in such a hurry... I wonder what could be so important.

Charles:
But you know, the odds are we'll have a boy. We've had three girls.

Caroline:
Remember the Stevenson's in Wisconsin?

Charles:
Mm hm.

Caroline:
Eleven girls.

Charles:
Ah...

Caroline:
I'll do my best.

Caroline:
[after a insulting remark by Mrs. Olsen] That woman is...

Charles:
[interrupting] Uh uh Caroline, it's Sunday

Caroline:
She makes it very hard to have a Christian feeling.

Charles:
[laughing] Well if you can't pray for her at least pray for her husband.

Laura Ingalls:
Dear Pa, I can't write what's in my heart because I can't get the words to come out at the end of my pencil. I did a bad thing by having mean thoughts, but I know how I can make it right again. I can't tell you the rest because it's just between me and God. I will always remember today. I love you all. Laura.

Laura Ingalls:
I don't want Pa to find me until God answers!

Jonathan:
He has answered.

Laura Ingalls:
No he hasn't!

Jonathan:
He has answered. And He's made his decision. That's why He sent your Pa. He wants you to be with your Pa and your brother to be with Him.

Laura Ingalls:
That isn't what I wanted! Pa wants a son!

Jonathan:
No, child. That's what you thought he wanted. Only God knows best about these things. That's why He sent your Pa here. Because He knows that your Pa loves you and needs you. How else could your father have found you?

Laura Ingalls:
How can you be sure?

Jonathan:
He told me, child.

Laura Ingalls:
It sure is a long ways up here, God. But I wanted to get as close to you as I could. So as you can hear me for sure. You see, the Reverent Alden... you know him... well he told me that you could help me. You see God, I was supposed to pray for my brother so he would be alright again, but I didn't do it and I had mean thoughts. I told you later that I didn't mean it and I wanted him to be alright again, but I guess you didn't hear me. You see God, my Pa already had three girls: me and Mary and Carrie. But what he really needs is a boy like you had, God. So what I was wondering is since you have a son, maybe you'd like a little girl with you and you can send my brother back to Pa. Where, that's about it. I'll just wait right here. Amen.

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
The worst is the fighting.

Charles Ingalls:
What fighting?

Albert Quinn Ingalls:
The big over the little. It never seems to let up unless you can beat everybody else. I couldn't beat everybody else 'cause I was too little. I tried. By the time I ran away, I didn't trust anybody or anything. I don't have to tell you how I was. Anyway, that's what's gonna happen to them. Leastwise James.

Charles Ingalls:
I'm gonna try to stop that train!

Cassandra Cooper:
I want homework.

Caroline Ingalls:
What?

Cassandra Cooper:
I want homework!

Caroline Ingalls:
Well, if you want homework, you're gonna have to go to school.

Charles Ingalls:
Caroline, what do you expect me to do? We can hardly make ends meet now. I can't afford to take care of two more young 'uns!

Laura:
[referring to Johnny Johnson] I think he's the best looking boy in the whole school.

Mary Ingalls Kendall:
That's not saying much!

Johnny Johnson:
Boy Laura, you know, you ain't nothing like the other girls.

Laura:
I'm not?

Johnny Johnson:
No. You're... You're different.

Laura:
You really think so, Johnny?

Johnny Johnson:
Sure I do. You know, I don't know another girl in the whole school who can put a wiggly worm on a hook the way you do.

Caroline Ingalls:
Well Charles, I can remember chasing somebody when I was younger than Laura is.

Charles Ingalls:
I even remember slowing down so you can catch me.

Charles Ingalls:
Well, I don't like him.

Caroline Ingalls:
Why Charles Ingalls, you said yourself what a nice boy he is!

Charles Ingalls:
Well, that's when I thought he was a boy! He's fifteen years old, Caroline. He's not a boy anymore. That's a man! Do you know what a fellow's like when he's fifteen years old?

Caroline Ingalls:
No Charles, you tell me. What were you like when you were fifteen?

Charles Ingalls:
I'll go see to the stock.

Caroline Ingalls:
The point isn't rather you knew or not, is it? The point is that we should never make unkind remarks about anyone.

Laura Ingalls:
It wasn't just me.

Caroline Ingalls:
Oh , you know better than to make up an excuse like that.

Laura Ingalls:
Yes ma'am, I know.

Caroline Ingalls:
I'm sure that when you seem Amelia tomorrow you'll apologize.

Laura Ingalls:
What will I say?

Caroline Ingalls:
You thought up the jokes, I'm sure you can think up the apology.

Adam Kendall:
You know what I like about this school?

Mary Ingalls:
No, what?

Adam Kendall:
I can kiss you in front of the entire class and no one would ever know.

Carrie Ingalls:
[Awakens frightened] It's too dark, I'm scared!

Caroline Ingalls:
I knew it, those ghost stories. [Walked into Carrie's room] What's wrong, Carrie?

Carrie Ingalls:
I saw something.

Caroline Ingalls:
What was it?

Carrie Ingalls:
I don't know, it moved.

Caroline Ingalls:
Where?

Carrie Ingalls:
Down there, under my cover.

Caroline Ingalls:
Here?

Carrie Ingalls:
Yes, ma'am.

Caroline Ingalls:
Carrie, [uncovers Carrie's feet] those are your feet.

Carrie Ingalls:
I'm afraid of feet.

Caroline Ingalls:
Now, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Carrie Ingalls:
[Looking more frightened, and a tear begins to drop]

Caroline Ingalls:
Come on. [Tucks Carrie in] There, is nothing to be afraid of. [Kisses Carrie] Now, go back to sleep.

Carrie Ingalls:
[Something moving, under Carrie's covers and, it appears to be her dog Jack, and screamed] MA!

Mary Ingalls:
When we get to town, why don't you stop by the Olsen's and see Mrs. Olsen for yourself.

Laura Ingalls:
I don't want to see her!

Mary Ingalls:
Why not?

Laura Ingalls:
Because she doesn't have a head.

Laura Ingalls:
Your father cut off your mother's head.

Nellie Oleson:
He what?

Laura Ingalls:
He cut off your mother's head.

Nellie Oleson:
Tell my mother that when she comes back from grandma's.

Nellie Oleson:
Pa, I'll tell you something if you promise not to laugh.

Nels Oleson:
I'll try not to.

Nellie Oleson:
Well Laura Ingalls... Silly Laura... She...

Willie Oleson:
She said that you cut off Ma's head!

Laura Ingalls:
Mary, if I was to tell you something bad, would you tell Pa?

Mary Ingalls:
Yes.

Laura Ingalls:
Oh. Good night, then.

Willie Oleson:
I didn't do anything!

Nels Oleson:
Well then do something!

Mary Ingalls:
Good-night, Laura!

Laura Ingalls:
Good-bye, Mary.

Royal Wilder #1:
Now who would be dumb enough to stay with Myron and Rupert? [Next screen shot goes to Almanzo]

Millie Wilder:
Do you remember our first honeymoon?