Major Crimes

Louie Provenza:
This bum was a child star?

Buzz Watson:
Before he got mixed up in drugs, J-ME had his own television series, records, concerts.

Amy Sykes:
He was incredibly hot.

Louie Provenza:
Yeah, well, now he's barely room temperature.

Nicole:
I would invite everyone, but we only have so many tickets.

Louie Provenza:
Oh, no problem. After five marriages, I know "The Nutcracker" by heart.

Louie Provenza:
Flynn and I will get a warrant, go to the studio where J-ME was filming, check out his dressing room.

Mike Tao:
Trailer.

Andy Flynn:
Trailer. Heh. Oh, my God. Mr. Show business speaks.

Pete Sims:
Wait, wait!... Look, I'm not gonna say anything else, until you people tell me that you understand that I never wanted to kill J-ME in the first place.

Sharon Raydor:
Okay, understood.

Pete Sims:
I was just trying to hold my life together the best way I knew how.

Sharon Raydor:
I think J-ME may have told you the same thing.

Andy Flynn:
Um, listen, Nicole, uh, before we leave, I think I need to clear something up, because you've... Well, you got the wrong idea about what's going on between Sharon and me.

Nicole:
What do you mean, "the wrong idea"?

Andy Flynn:
Uh, well, we're not really... Okay, the truth is that we're...

Sharon Raydor:
Andy and I are friends. We're very good friends, but that... that's all.

Nicole:
Really? No. Oh, come on. Dad, is that true?

Andy Flynn:
Yeah... kind of.

Nicole:
Oh, my God. How could... How could you completely mislead me like that?

Andy Flynn:
Occupational hazard? All right, look, it's simple. You like Sharon so much that you seemed to respect me a little bit more, but like, back when you were a kid. You know? So... all right. Did I act like mine and Sharon's relationship was a little bit more serious than it is? Possibly. Did I exaggerate the dating part?... A bit. When I said that Sharon and I were a couple, was that a distortion of the facts?

Sharon Raydor:
Andy, excuse me. Nicole, the bottom line is your father is just trying to be the kind of dad you can truly be proud of. That's all.

Nicole:
By pretending to be something that he's not?

[last lines]

Andy Flynn:
Uh, Nicole? Nicole? So, uh, you're not mad about this?

Nicole:
About what?

Sharon Raydor:
We're not dating.

Rusty Beck:
Several times a month.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
I'm not talking about this murder. I am talking about the trial of Phillip Stroh, and how you sent my material witness for a Psych evaluation without my permission. Do you not realize this is all discoverable, that the defense will now be able to accuse Rusty of mental instability?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Hey, hey. What the hell is up with you?

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Nothing. A-all right, look. I'm seeing, um, a counselor because I'm trying to make things up with my family. And while I was doing that, I sort of lied to my ex-wife.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Why would you lie to your ex?

Lt. Andy Flynn:
I don't know. Force of habit? All right. After I brought Sharon to Nicole's wedding, everybody started asking about her. So, maybe I let my ex think, like, I was a little closer to Sharon than I really am. And now my whole family wants to bring Sharon...

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Stop calling her that.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
What? That's her name. What?

Jason Dietz:
You mean... we're rich again?

Lt. Andy Flynn:
You were always rich. Don't you get it? You had a father who cared so much for his family that he did every crazy thing he could do by trying to make up for all of his failings. Having a dad like that means you were rich from the day you were born. And you, Mrs. Dietz, you were rich, too. But you didn't want to be, did you? You wanted to have lots of money. Well, now you got it! And how is that working out, huh?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Flynn, that's enough.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Excuse me. Do you have a minute? Because I want to apologize. I'm... very sorry about trying to stop you from seeing a doctor, but my concern for your safety is real. I don't believe the state should expose minors to the kind of danger you're facing.

Rusty Beck:
Anything else?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Just doing my job. Sorry.

Rusty Beck:
Your job sucks. But that's an apology I can accept. Good night, Emma.

Judge Grove:
This is textbook murder-for-hire. The defendant shows zero remorse, which is worse considering the girl's age, and now you're asking...

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Your Honor, the defendant...

Judge Grove:
Don't interrupt me, Rios! You come in here asking for manslaughter and 11 years, reducible to seven? With good behavior? What the hell? What the hell?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Your Honor, we believe that Jason Goss is part of a larger criminal enterprise and we may...

Judge Grove:
You believe. And do you have evidence to support that belief?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
We aren't taking him at his word, Your Honor.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
If he doesn't provide us with the promised information, of course his deal goes away.

Judge Grove:
And then does that 19-year-old girl return to life? Why isn't Goss facing the death penalty?

Lt. Mike Tao:
Despite having DNA that links the defendant to the crime, we may not have the material evidence to secure a murder conviction with special circumstances...

Judge Grove:
So, I'm supposed to accept this plea because you guys haven't done your job? No way. You want manslaughter, you come back with answers to all my questions. And don't even think about shopping for another judge, or you'll find out what I'm like when I'm really mad.

Assistant Chief Taylor:
Look, why don't we turn our limited resources back to where they belong. The victim, Briana Mathis. You already know who's responsible. He's seated right there, in the next room, hoping for a deal. Get him to cooperate with you.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Maybe you haven't noticed, but Goss's lawyer won't even let Goss talk to us.

Assistant Chief Taylor:
Chief Johnson could have found a way around this.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
She would have. But then we would be back defending ourselves in court.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
We don't have to convince Jason Goss to confess. He's already done that. Now, we have to convince Jason Goss to confess again under less favorable circumstances.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
And I am sure that Chief Johnson could have done that too. On the other hand, she never would've reported to you, and as it so happens, I intend to begin our second investigation by following through on this 911 call.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Okay, so tell me. If your tracking device was so damn fantastic, how did you not know what was happening to this girl, huh?

Scott Shaw:
I think Briana was drugged before she got into the car. Her heart rate and respiration slowed. We thought she had just fallen asleep on the way to an appointment. She did that sometimes. Then, abruptly, there was a spike in her pulse and blood pressure, probably as she struggled. And...

Detective Julio Sanchez:
And what?

Scott Shaw:
Her vital signs went off-line. Look, give me Jason Goss and I promise you, I'll make sure he pays for what he did here. I promise.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Just like you promised Briana?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Actually, we could give him to you now as part of a plea agreement to Murder Two. The judge would accept that, as would Goss, if we had just a little more proof that he killed Briana.

Assistant Chief Taylor:
Good point, Captain. Does the FBI have anything on Goss they could afford to give up?

Scott Shaw:
Okay, look... that scumbag she thought was her boyfriend...

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Hm, Cory? Cory something?

Scott Shaw:
Mm, hm.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
He drove a Mercedes-S, I think?

Scott Shaw:
I can tell you, on the record, that was the car Briana was pushed from. Cory was behind the wheel of it when she left the club. Let me see if we can bring the kid in without harming our case.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Excuse me, uh, I have a call.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
[phone rings] Joe's Pizza.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Lieutenant, I've got it. We've got information from the FBI that gives us probable cause and a straight and narrow path to the Mercedes outside Goss's Statement of Facts.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
So we can arrest Cory Stark and apply for a search warrant based on FBI information?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Yes. But in order to use him against Mr. Goss, I need Cory Stark alive and talking.

Rusty Beck:
Uh, that girl, Briana? You said you were looking for her boyfriend. Did you find him yet?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Um, yeah. But unfortunately, he was already murdered.

Rusty Beck:
Why?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Well, because, if you hang out with criminals, you eventually are going to become a witness, a suspect, or a victim.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Now that Cory won't ever be able to testify, maybe we should just hand Goss over to the FBI.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
No, no, no. Cory may not be able to testify, but he still has plenty to say.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
What are you gonna do? Conduct a s?ance with his phone?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
More or less.

Judge Grove:
The deal which Mr. Goss agreed to, includes revealing those targeted for murder, along with the workings of the larger criminal enterprise?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Yes, it does.

Judge Grove:
Mr. Goss, given the issue of public safety, I will accept this plea. You are hereby remanded into state custody. Uh, now, DDA Rios, will I be seeing the driver of the car, this Cory Stark, in my courtroom as well?

Lt. Mike Tao:
No, Your Honor, we regret to inform the court that Cory Stark was shot to death before we could take him into custody.

Jason Goss:
Wait, what?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Mr. Stark was murdered yesterday afternoon. The FBI is holding several suspects. As part of their ongoing investigation, we've agreed to let them sort it out.

Jason Goss:
You people lied to me.

Peter Page:
All right. Take it easy.

Jason Goss:
What do you mean take it easy? You lied to me!

Judge Grove:
It's nice to confirm that I was right and manslaughter was not the proper plea.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
I disagree, Your Honor. Because you held up our original deal, a man lost his life.

Judge Grove:
You're referring to this Cory Stark guy, who drove the car from which his own girlfriend was pushed? Hold on, I'll get you a hanky.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Your Honor, may I speak frankly? Off the record?

Judge Grove:
Knock yourself out.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
As far as I'm concerned, the failure to give Mr. Goss a deal led directly to the execution of another person. And that is not how the justice system is supposed to work.

Judge Grove:
It is in my courtroom. And anyway, we're adjourned.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
[DDA Rios sighs] Let's go. I'll buy you a cup of coffee.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Oh, does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
No. Means gonna buy you coffee. Come on.

Scott Shaw:
I guess you're right. I guess I forgot she was a witness and not a professional and that...

Captain Sharon Raydor:
She wasn't on your side.

Scott Shaw:
No. Briana was on her own side. She was fighting for what she wanted. Guess I was so focused on guarding her from the bad guys that it just never even occurred to me she would need protection from herself.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
And remember, Briana didn't become an informant by hanging out with all the right people. Her judgement, it was off from the beginning.

Scott Shaw:
Oh, well, we live and learn, right? [pause] Thank you, Captain.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
And the dirt on these shoes of yours? It also matches the dirt from your daughter's grave.

Anne Brand:
That's probably because the house that I told you about? It backs right up to the park. And I'm not a geologist or whatever, but I bet that's why the dirt is the same.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
You know, that's a really good explanation, Mrs. Brand. Now could you also explain how you know that your daughter was buried in the park? Because we never told you that.

Anne Brand:
You... you said... You...

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Mrs. Brand, we have arrived at that point in our relationship that the lying has to end.

Anne Brand:
I am a good mother... I am a good mother... I am a good mother... And I want a lawyer.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
You'll need one.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Because as of this moment, you are under arrest for murder in the first degree.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
I promise you, Mr. Brand, we can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that your wife buried your daughter.

John Brand:
I don't believe it. My wife could never, ever murder her own child. It's impossible.

Matt Brand:
Yeah. Mom didn't kill Michelle. We all loved Michelle.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Is that why you keep calling her cell phone, Matt? Even though you know she's dead?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
But you didn't call her, not a single time the entire month before she died.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
You texted each other a lot, but you never called.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Until the night before last. When you dialed your sister's number over 100 times in a row before you supposedly knew she was missing. Why?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
I think I know why. Your mother was in the park looking for Michelle's body. Hunting for where you left it by following the ring tone. Is that how it happened?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Just one more thing to do.

Lewis Gates:
I didn't murder her.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
No, you murdered her family. You made it your mission to make this kid feel like a monster. But you're the monster. Do you know what we do to monsters, Lewis?

Lewis Gates:
Kill 'em with a pitchfork?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
That would be great. But, as it is, we can only lock 'em up in jail, which is where you're going until you turn 18.

Lewis Gates:
What the hell are you talking about? I didn't do anything to this freak.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Not true. These pictures prove that you committed sexual battery, which is good enough to put you away in juvie.

Lewis Gates:
What? You can't... you can't... You can't do that.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
I can. And hey, have a miserable life.

Jackson Raydor:
Oh, oh, oh. I just had another flash of what I modestly call genius.

Rusty Beck:
He has.

Jackson Raydor:
What better, what safer, what more trustworthy cop to accompany our young students of Romeo and Juliet to the movies than you?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Tonight?

Jackson Raydor:
Mm, hm.

Kris Slater:
They're showing Shakespeare in Love at Hollywood Forever.

Jackson Raydor:
Blankets. A picnic. Mistaken identities. Romance. Role reversals. Outrageous fortune. Kids really wanna go, but they can't without you. What say you, madam?

Buzz Watson:
You don't consider the murder of Santa Claus to be a major crime? Because in my reserve training class...

Louie Provenza:
Buzz, the first thing you have to learn as a backup police officer is how not to get emotionally caught up in the crime which, in this case, is over. The circle is closed.

Sharon Raydor:
Lieutenant Provenza?

Andy Flynn:
The circle reopens.

Louie Provenza:
Captain... oh, and your whole family. What a wonderful surprise.

Sharon Raydor:
Is it? I've been calling you.

Rusty Beck:
Emily, Ricky, let's get out of here before we become witnesses to something.

Sharon Raydor:
Uh, lieutenant, as you all know, I'm having a Christmas party tomorrow night and... Are you, are you coming, by the way?

Louie Provenza:
No, no, I'll be out of town. I'm going down to Laguna Beach with a... uh, a friend, and it's a spur-of-the-moment-thing.

Sharon Raydor:
Well, then, time is of the essence for all of us, so why don't we divide and conquer?

Andy Flynn:
So, who is this friend you're spending Christmas with?

Louie Provenza:
At this rate?... You.

Ricky Raydor:
Mom, where's the Christmas Village?

Rusty Beck:
The what?

Emily Raydor:
Ignore him, Rusty. He's obsessed with child hood junk.

Ricky Raydor:
Whoa, "Junk"? No, no. Christmas Village is very valuable. It's filled with collectives. Rusty, it's a special diorama made with these model buildings from Dickens' novels and they all light up. It's awesome.

Sharon Raydor:
I am so sorry, honey. I left the Christmas Village in storage.

Ricky Raydor:
Why would it be in storage? We put it up every year and... and... Mom, where are the pinecone elves? What is this? That looks like a guilt cookie.

Sharon Raydor:
They were falling apart.

Ricky Raydor:
You didn't throw them away.

Sharon Raydor:
I'm afraid I did.

Ricky Raydor:
You dumped Harry, Sam, Franklin, Scotty, and Twinkle in the trash?

Emily Raydor:
Ha-ha-ha.

Rusty Beck:
You named them?

Ricky Raydor:
These are not just pinecones with hats. These are part of my childhood. They're a Christmas tradition.

Sharon Raydor:
Well, this Christmas we can make some new traditions. The four of us, a new family.

Rusty Beck:
Did those wine bottles come out of Jack's garbage?

Ricky Raydor:
Yeah, just don't say anything about that to Mom.

Rusty Beck:
Bu... but what if she finds out we knew and didn't say anything?

Emily Raydor:
Here's another Christmas tradition you need to learn...

Ricky Raydor:
Right. So, after a certain age, the holidays are for our parents, not for us. So, it's our job, our responsibility, really to make them feel like we're having as great time as we did when we were seven.

Emily Raydor:
I'm just a... I'm worried that Dad's gonna say he's drinking because, you know, he feels like he tried to change and we still cut him out of Christmas.

Rusty Beck:
Yeah. And he probably will say that because users find a reason why it's someone else's fault they're drinking. And Sharon knows that.

Emily Raydor:
You just don't understand the whole history. Mom promised Dad that he would never see his kids again unless he stayed sober. And, you know, you may not know this, but she keeps her promises.

Rusty Beck:
Right... Well, you may have to pretend like you're seven at Christmas but you and Ricky are still adults. Does Sharon still tell you who you can and can't see? She doesn't do that to me. Don't you think this might be what Jack wants? For you to not trust Sharon?

Sharon Raydor:
So until we get word from Border Patrol or Amtrak on Lydia's whereabouts, we are... stuck. [seeing Kevin, Ms. Jordan's son] Before we throw in the towel though, we're gonna have a little chat with Kevin.

Roland Jennings:
If the police have just accurately described what happened, you have two choices: One of them is death row and the other isn't.

Melanie Jordan:
And you're on my side?

Roland Jennings:
I'm trying to think of alternative explanation for a dead woman under your bed in a cello case, but it's not coming. And this deal will go away.

Louie Provenza:
Tick-tock, Ms. Jordan. Tick-tock.

Melanie Jordan:
Oh, God. How many times did we go over the plan? There was never supposed to be a gun. That was completely unnecessary. If they had just done what I told them...

Sharon Raydor:
That why you strangled Lydia, because she disobeyed you?

Melanie Jordan:
Lydia had a complete meltdown. She wanted to turn us both in. She fought with me. And I fought her back. But not just for me, you understand this. What I did to Lydia, I did that for my son. And what I did for my son... I did that for the world.

Roland Jennings:
[pause] You said life.

Louie Provenza:
Life. It's good for the world too.

Andy Flynn:
Um, you know, if you can't make it home for the holidays, maybe home can come to you.

Mike Tao:
Lieutenant, nice hat.

Louie Provenza:
Well, I... was gonna wear the whole suit, but Patrice wouldn't let me.

Patrice Perry:
I was afraid he might get shot.

Buzz Watson:
You can't think of anything that'll remove this color?

Dr. Morales:
I'm sorry. It'll wear off in a few days.

Buzz Watson:
A few...

Dr. Morales:
Hey, at least the green is seasonal.

[last lines]

Ricky Raydor:
It's okay, little brother.

Louie Provenza:
Happy holidays!

Ricky Raydor:
What Mom doesn't know won't hurt her.

Rusty Beck:
I hope you're right.

Louie Provenza:
Heh, nothing says Christmas in LA like a string bikini.

Andy Flynn:
Why did I let you talk me into Christmas shopping on Venice Beach? There's nothing for my daughter's two new stepkids here, nothing.

Louie Provenza:
Except the best kite shop in Los Angeles. Roxie's High Life, huh?

Andy Flynn:
Are you kidding me? You said it was a kite shop.

Louie Provenza:
That also sells bongs. Come on. Hey, Flynn, come on. When have I ever steered you wrong?

Buzz Watson:
So, if those boys didn't do it, does that mean this is an open investigation? I'm only asking because my sister and I are supposed to go Christmas shopping today.

Amy Sykes:
And my family just arrived two hours ago because...

Louie Provenza:
Look, I know that we were scheduled to take this week off for the holidays. Now, don't blame me because we have a victim. Blame Flynn.

Buzz Watson:
At least, someone's getting their holiday shopping done.

Louie Provenza:
Hey, Sanchez, what did this guy buy at Target?

Julio Sanchez:
An electric train set, sir.

Alex Bennett:
[on the monitor screen] And we've got two little boys. I only used that credit card to buy them one thing, so they have something to open from Santa.

Buzz Watson:
Oh, my God, I didn't think it was possible, but Christmas just got more depressing.

Louie Provenza:
Mike, the dumpster driver was trying to buy a train set for his kids with the victim's stolen credit card that he found. Charge another one to my card, if you would, and make sure he gets it before we send him on his way.

Hunt Massey:
I just went through a divorce myself. My ex has our son till January. Guess you could say, now I know how the shoe feels on the other foot. Thought I'd spend the holidays with my dad since we're both a little on our own now.

Buzz Watson:
It's one horrible Christmas story after another.

Rusty Beck:
God, you got a lot of angel ornaments.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, you can never have too many angels.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Do you have a picture of this kid as a child?

Sharon Raydor:
Mm, hmm.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Show that to him. Call him by his real name and ask about his mother. You'd be surprised how effective that can be.

Mr. Downy:
Look, after what I did to his father, I had two choices, kill Reed or take him with me. I chose to take him with me... I chose to take him.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
One last question. Walk me out.

Rusty Beck:
The last question?

Dr. Joe Bowman:
If your mom came back today, would you get in a car and drive off with her? [pause] Or would you stay where you are with Sharon?

Rusty Beck:
I don't know anymore. I... I don't know.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Interesting... Okay. Well, that's good, I think. That's good.

Katherine 'Kiki' Weinberger:
You travel with bolt cutters?

Mike Tao:
Never know when you might need them.

Louie Provenza:
And as I like to say, it's always the husband. It's always...

Sharon Raydor:
The husband, I know.

Louie Provenza:
I sent Sykes and Sanchez to go notify.

Sharon Raydor:
Julio's back? [Provenza nods] And you sent him out?

Louie Provenza:
Why not? He's had a whole week off.

Sharon Raydor:
He was wounded. We should've done something to celebrate his return. Oh, I am just surrounded by people with no sense of occasion.

Louie Provenza:
We sent him flowers. Look, Julio is going to get a medal and time with a psychiatrist. Both of which he deserves. If it'll make you feel any better, when he gets back, give him a hug.

Sharon Raydor:
[gives Sanchez a hug] Welcome back, Julio.

Julio Sanchez:
Uh... [looks puzzled]

Louie Provenza:
Just say thank you.

Jon 'Jonny' Worth:
My problem is... I try to be nice to everybody. Especially in hot tubs.

Julio Sanchez:
Did you see their car?

Hillary:
Yeah, it was a cute old red convertible.

Julio Sanchez:
Do you remember the make and the model of the car?

Hillary:
Well, it was cute... and old and red... and a convertible. That's pretty much it. Sorry, I don't know more.

Sharon Raydor:
Let me guess. The title transfer was denied.

Mike Tao:
Because there was no bill of sale and the owner, Zelda Lembeck, was not present.

Andy Flynn:
Probably because she was dead.

Louie Provenza:
But her husband couldn't prove that... Oh! It was the husband who was trying to sell the car, wasn't it?

Mike Tao:
So it would seem.

Louie Provenza:
Ba-dum!

Sharon Raydor:
If you say "It's always the husband," at every murder, you're bound to get it right now and then.

Carl Lembeck:
What are you talking about? Intimate?

Jon 'Jonny' Worth:
I'm talking about me and Zelda. In 1990? Oh, she was smoking hot back then. Long story short, we spent a night in the hot tub and a morning in bed. And unfortunately, that made her mine for life.

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs:
[in the monitor room] He's doing really, really well, isn't he?

Louie Provenza:
Good Lord.

Rusty Beck:
Don't you get tired of being right all the time?

Sharon Raydor:
It is exhausting. But no, not really. Not really, no. Ha, ha.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Hello.

Watch Commander:
Captain, as I explained to your lieutenant, I can't approve the cost of keeping 32 officers on the scene.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Okay, listen to me. You will hold the perimeter as long as Lieutenant Provenza wants you to. Or tomorrow, you will be working traffic in Northridge. Do you understand me?

Watch Commander:
Yes, ma'am.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Listen, doc, do you know anything about blood pressure meds? I mean, you know, how safe they are, stuff like that?

Dr. Jason Field:
Well, no medication is completely safe. For high blood pressure, I usually recommend diet, exercise and...

Lt. Louie Provenza:
It's done all that crap.

Jackson Raydor:
So he says to me, "How'd you like to get into thoroughbred business?" He couldn't tell a good bet from his ass.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Is this the one about the horse who had a heart attack at the starting gate and died?

Jackson Raydor:
[laughs] Yes. Except usually I get a laugh when I get to that part.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Oh, I'm sorry.

Jackson Raydor:
Apologies for interfering. I just feel kind of sorry for the kid. Can I get you a blanket? You look cold.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Maybe it's because you've spent more time with Rusty in the past two days than you've spent with our children in five years.

Jackson Raydor:
Don't start, Sharon. I can't change the past. I can only try to do better.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Well, maybe part of doing better would be finding an apartment.

Jackson Raydor:
Aye, Captain... Mm... Excuse me.

[first lines]

Rusty Beck:
This is new... , and also kind of creepy. Why do the dolls look dead?

Dr. Joe Bowman:
I asked my younger patient what it was like at home. She didn't want to say, so she demonstrated by shaking the dollhouse really hard and screaming, "Earthquake!"

Rusty Beck:
I suppose you read some sort of deep meaning into that?

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Well, it does indicate a fear of earthquakes, don't you think? Or maybe it does something to do with how her parents are getting along. Kids sometimes don't know how to say bad things about moms and dads. We give up our secrets in different ways.

Louie Provenza:
The thing you need to understand about kissing a diplomat's ass is that it doesn't kiss back.

Andy Flynn:
So, what did Malibu Barbie have to say for herself?

Buzz Watson:
So far, it's classic teenager.

Louie Provenza:
She was only trying to help. "I never told Lina anything." "I don't know how she found out about what was going on."

Sharon Raydor:
As far as classic teenage behavior goes, I'm feeling a little overexposed. It's time to cut through all this crap. [walks out from the room]

Louie Provenza:
Did she just say "crap"? [Flynn nods] My, oh, my.

Rusty Beck:
Can I ask you a question?

Sharon Raydor:
About?

Rusty Beck:
That girl who was here a few days ago. Lina. What happened to her? Now that her family disowned her.

Sharon Raydor:
Well, it's a federal case, but Lina has agreed to be a witness against Josh Allen in his murder trial, in return for asylum and tuition to a state university.

Rusty Beck:
Oh. So, better than it was.

Sharon Raydor:
But worse than it had to be. You can draw a direct line from what Lina was hiding from her family, to the murder of Mehar Sethi. And Lina's father found about it anyway... in the most tragic way possible.

Julio Sanchez:
Oh, hey, Sykes, I forgot. Cooper stopped by earlier and said he was going to be late to dinner.

Amy Sykes:
I'm not going to dinner with Cooper.

Andy Flynn:
I'm surprised you guys ever came back from surveillance.

Buzz Watson:
You're dating Cooper?

Rusty Beck:
People don't know that yet?

Amy Sykes:
There is nothing to know.

Mike Tao:
Oh, let the girl be happy.

Louie Provenza:
Or, as happy as anyone can be in a relationship. Good night, everybody. I hope to see none of you before morning.

Rusty Beck:
Oh, actually, could you wait just a second? I wanted to ask all of you a question... Would it bother any of you, or... Would any of you think differently about me if I... If I said... If I said I was gay?

Mike Tao:
Oh, you're gay?

Buzz Watson:
We did not know that.

Andy Flynn:
I think after we get past the initial shock...

Julio Sanchez:
Ha.

Louie Provenza:
Julio, this is serious. The answer is, if you told us you were gay, we'd think that you trusted us more. And then we would trust you more. Did you hear that, Sykes?

Amy Sykes:
Oh, my God. I'm dating Lieutenant Cooper. There, are you happy?

Andy Flynn:
I knew it!

Mike Tao:
Ha-ha-ha. Pay up, Buzz.

Buzz Watson:
Give me a second.

Louie Provenza:
Sykes, you do know that you have to inform the captain?

Amy Sykes:
I did. Which is how you knew.

Rusty Beck:
No, no, no. I knew because I saw the two of you outside of SOB. I was heading in for therapy with Dr. Joe, and you were dropping Lieutenant Cooper off... out front.

Amy Sykes:
You didn't say anything.

Rusty Beck:
Well, you guys were making out. What was I supposed to say? [all laughing]

[last lines]

Rusty Beck:
So, nothing changes?

Louie Provenza:
Oh, well, we'll kid her for a while and eventually they'll break up, and who will care?

Rusty Beck:
No, I, I mean... between you and me.

Louie Provenza:
Oh. Well, uh... As long as you don't come dressed like the Village People and singing show tunes, we'll be fine.

Rusty Beck:
Wait. Who are the Village People?

Louie Provenza:
Look, there are some things that I don't mind teaching you. But I'm afraid you're gonna have to figure out being gay... all on your own.

Rusty Beck:
[browsing the web] The Village People... Hmm.

Andy Flynn:
Los Angeles finally gets the rain it needs, so naturally, we end up down the drain.

Louie Provenza:
Doesn't bother me. I'm down here all the time.

Andy Flynn:
You are?

Louie Provenza:
After four wives and five divorces, down the drain is where I come to visit my money. And more than a few of my dreams.

Andy Flynn:
Your dreams?

Buzz Watson:
Well, that explains the darkness.

Andy Flynn:
Sounds exciting.

Sharon Raydor:
It is. Um, since my divorce became final last week, now Judge Richwood is ready to settle the adoption. I just have to find out when Rusty can make it because he's working such long hours on Mike's show.

Andy Flynn:
Oh, my God. It's not Mike's show. Tao is just a consultant. And have you ever watched "Badge of Justice"?

Dr. Morales:
Yeah, It's horrible. But good for the kid, he's working.

Sharon Raydor:
That's a lot of mothers to check.

Louie Provenza:
Yeah, and considering our victim's race, height, blood type, and the fact that she had an episio...

Sharon Raydor, Mike Tao:
Episiotomy.

Mike Tao:
It's a surgical incision to enlarge the opening...

Louie Provenza:
I know what it is, thank you very much. I just can't say it. So, we'll ask about women who had an unpronounceable procedure during childbirth.

Amy Sykes:
I bet you could say it if it was vasectomy.

Rusty Beck:
Morning.

Sharon Raydor:
Morning. You headed to work?

Rusty Beck:
Well, if getting a lot of people coffee and telling other people to be quiet when the camera is running is an actual job, then, yes, I am going to work. Part of the Hollywood glamour machine.

Ronald Glover:
Look, you need to understand how important this child to Sarah. I mean, for me too, but the baby was everything. Have you... Do you know where he is? Our baby?

Sharon Raydor:
No, I'm sorry. But, um you've been very helpful to us. And as soon as we know something we'll be in contact.

Ronald Glover:
Oh, um, [sighs] May we stay? Don't make us go home without our son... Please. Not without our son.

Buzz Watson:
Except the baby might not belong to the Glovers after all. They weren't the only couple Heather was writing to about him.

Louie Provenza:
What are you talking about, Buzz?

Buzz Watson:
She was sending two other couples updates.

Sharon Raydor:
The Hunts and the Maguires.

Sharon Beck:
Whose idea was it? Was this your idea, or Captain Raydor's?... Since you're so interested in explaining yourself and telling me the truth.

Rusty Beck:
It was Sharon's idea. But I agree with it, a hundred percent. Look, I made my decision. So don't make me feel bad about it because it won't work.

Sharon Beck:
And this is how you sound when you're happy? Really?

Rusty Beck:
I am just trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

Sharon Beck:
Okay, you know, I'll do that too, but I want you to think of something, while you're sitting there and you're judging me... All mothers make mistakes.

Rusty Beck:
I know. But your mistakes were against the law... I'll see you when I can. You take care... And thank you for not trying to manipulate me, Mom. I appreciate that.

Sharon Beck:
Whatever happens, whatever you sign, I will always be your mother.

Andy Flynn:
Okay, it's room temperature. Here you go. Ain't that much better than those jingling keys?

Sharon Raydor:
Andy, I had no idea you were so good with babies.

Andy Flynn:
Yeah, well, I'm full of surprises.

Louie Provenza:
Well, you're full of something.

Rusty Beck:
Sharon, one day, I promise you... one day, I will give you a reason to be proud of me... I promise.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, my God, Rusty. I am already so proud of you.

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs:
Here's what the suspect's attorney will say: Heather gave Mr. Barnes the money, headed back to the hotel for her car. Got caught in rain storms, slipped, hit her head. And ended up being swept into the drainage system where her body was battered to death. Dr. Morales won't be able to disagree. And you have a lot other suspects who are part of a huge financial scam.

Sharon Raydor:
No one is disagreeing with you, Andrea. Our evidence is purely circumstantial. But Thomas Barnes doesn't know that.

Louie Provenza:
It doesn't matter what we say to him, only what he says to us.

Russell Taylor:
Giving the baby a shot at a permanent home is better than dumping him in the system, I agree. But what if all three of these couples want him? The L.A.P.D. can't be dragged into a lawsuit over this.

Sharon Raydor:
It won't, chief, trust me. The perfect couple for this child is waiting in our conference room.

Craig Richwood:
Russell Thomas Beck. You are here today by your own free will with the understanding that Sharon O'Dwyer Raydor will, at the end of these proceedings, legally be your parent through adoption. Is that correct?

Rusty Beck:
Yes, sir.

Craig Richwood:
Sharon O'Dwyer Raydor. You are here with the understanding that at the end of these proceedings, you will legally be the parent of Russell Thomas Beck through adoption. Is that correct?

Sharon Raydor:
Yes, sir. Yes, Your Honor.

[last lines]

Craig Richwood:
Sharon, Rusty, the adoption process is now complete. As of this moment, you are officially and legally a family. Congratulations and thanks for asking me to de the honors. [all crap their hands, chatter and laugh]

Buzz Watson:
Congratulations.

Rusty Beck:
Thanks. Thanks, Buzz. Thank you. Thank you.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Lieutenant Provenza?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Yes.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Good morning, lieutenant.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Yeah.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Is it bad?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Well, I've seen worse. Anyway, I was just going upstairs with the suicide. You're welcome to join me.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Well, well, maybe I should look. [gasps] Her face is missing, lieutenant! You said...

Lt. Louie Provenza:
I said that I had seen worse. And I have.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
He has.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Emma, if you're going to continue to come to the morgue and to the crime scenes, you have got to get used to it.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Uh, here, let me help you.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Oh, thanks.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
This way. Here, I got you a coffee.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Seriously? Thank you. Mm... I didn't have time to stop on my way in. How did you know?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
I'm a detective.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Excuse me, detective.

Stewart Ness:
After he left, I called my assistant for help and, well, I deleted the app, and just tried my best to forget the whole thing. [pause] Except I may have saved a copy of the chest photo. I'll show you if you give me my phone back.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Why would you save his picture?

Stewart Ness:
I told you. He was kind of hot. Oh! See?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Well, it's just while we wait until the lab results from the letter come back. If you don't mind.

Rusty Beck:
Well, you're asking me? So it sounds like I have a choice?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
That would be misleading.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
This document confirms your agreement to serve a total of four years for all these robberies. I've included the names and addresses...

Assistant Chief Taylor:
[in the monitor room] So I assume one of those robberies includes the house where he stole the murder weapon.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
It does.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
If you would put your signature at the bottom, we'll set a court date for next week and we'll get this in front of a judge.

Roland Jennings:
Is that it?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
There is one more thing.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
You just confessed to robbing Stewart Ness.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
And in the stolen property report that he filled out, it lists this gun.

Roland Jennings:
What the hell is this? You can't add gun charges to these robberies.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
We found this weapon that your client stole at the scene of an attempted robbery, matching his M.O. in Venice where we also found a double homicide.

Roland Jennings:
What?

Tyler Allen:
Wait, I... No, I read about that in the paper. They said it was a murder suicide.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Oh, well, sometimes the press gets it wrong.

Lt. Mike Tao:
Hey, Andy, about this cleanse... I think I figured out where all your energy is coming from.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Yeah, I told you, it's the Gingko Balboa.

Buzz Watson:
And the caffeine.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
No way. Give me that.

Lt. Mike Tao:
It's right there. Fourth ingredient.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
What? The cute girl in the health food store... She said that the... [Tao and Buzz laugh] Oh, I'm glad my trying to improve my health amuses you guys so much... Cynical jerks.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
If he was such a famous film director, how come I've never heard of him?

Buzz Watson:
He makes talkies, sir.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Never-ending budget crisis. Morgue can't get anybody out here until 5:00 A.M.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
It's okay. She has no place else to be.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Mr. Elliot, we think that the person that murdered your wife might have actually been trying to kill you.

Martin Elliot:
Oh, my God.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Mm, hmm.

Martin Elliot:
Oh, my God. You mean...

Detective Amy Sykes:
You may have been the intended victim, sir, yes. And our... Celebrity Threat Division is working on that. So from here on out, how we talk to the media is very important.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Flynn's on his way up with Elliot's ex-wife. Now, if my experience means anything, then she won't even remember his good side. And if Elliot was cheating on his current wife...

Lt. Mike Tao:
Just know, the second you call an attorney, and invoke your rights...

Lt. Louie Provenza:
I'll be arresting you for multiple murders in the first degree with special circumstances.

Detective Amy Sykes:
And the video of your trip to the county jail will go straight to YouTube, where it will live until the day you die. So be sure and smile at the camera.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Or you can help us use this search warrant.

Martin Elliot:
Is this what you meant by Celebrity Threat Division? 'Cause I'm feeling pretty threatened right now.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Let me explain to you just how important you are to this process. A man who raped, and killed five young girls could end up going free, unless you speak up. Is that what you want to happen?

Rusty Beck:
No. No, Sharon. Obviously, I don't want that to happen. But even... even if I... I plead the Fifth or whatever, people will find out about me. They will.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
And they will also find out... that under... very difficult circumstances and against your own best interests that Rusty Beck was the kind of person who was brave enough to do the right thing.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
One of the nice things about me, D.D.A. Rios, is that when I'm really unhappy about something, people never have to ask.

Rusty Beck:
And, uh, can you... make Sharon think that it was, like, all your idea?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Well... I have no problem taking credit for other people's ideas. How do you think I became a lieutenant?

Ashley Elliot:
What happened to Brittany? [grins evilly] I guess you'll just have to wonder about that. Which is more than Martin ever did.

Louie Provenza:
What's going on in here, Tao?

Mike Tao:
Every once in a while, when I'm working at night, I like to stop and smell the chlorine, especially when there's no sign of an indoor pool. Someone has cleaned this room with a lot of bleach, recently.

Sharon Raydor:
She's lying about how solid her marriage is.

Andy Flynn:
Hmm.

Louie Provenza:
Yeah, and how often have we run into that before?

Rusty Beck:
A sad break?

Sharon Raydor:
Two little children found dead in their family's suitcases.

Rusty Beck:
Oh, my God... how did that happen?

Sharon Raydor:
I'm not sure. Drug running can often end badly, marriages too. Uh, love is tricky. You think you know someone, and then, very suddenly, you don't.

Rusty Beck:
But love can go back and forth, right?... And, from what I've seen, being a mom can be pretty tricky too.

Sharon Raydor:
It has its challenges, yeah.

Sharon Raydor:
[in an irritated tone] Mrs. Logan, I have tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but your family has been missing for too long while you sit here, and you continue to withhold critical facts from the police. And I am beginning to feel that I have no other choice but to arrest you...

Rusty Beck:
And, um, that... that other thing... that you think you know... I am not ready to talk about that at all.

Louie Provenza:
My God.

Rusty Beck:
Hey, if my mom drinks, or uses again, do they kick her out of AA?

Andy Flynn:
If they kicked everybody out who fell off the wagon, trust me, those meetings would get really small. Look, kid, seeing how your mom is coming up on two months and hearing how she wants to stay in recovery, I think she said a lot of the right things.

Louie Provenza:
My philosophy in life: Stay positive.

Rusty Beck:
Okay, then, thinking positive, I, I should get a job.

Andy Flynn:
How does that relate?

Louie Provenza:
What's the matter? Jobs build character. Did I ever tell you about my first job?

Andy Flynn:
Cabin boy on the Mayflower? Oh, no, dishwasher at the Last Supper.

Louie Provenza:
Laugh it up, laugh it up. But I grew up in the '60s. Those were the days, my friends.

Mr. Baird:
Okay, here's what I think happened. By the end, Marcella was so sick, she'd only eat eggs and imported crab cakes, dozens of which are left over in the freezer. Now, when we ran out of fresh venison last night, I served Falcon a thawed-out crab cake. He ate half of it, okay, and then he went out through this doggie door to do his business, and he never came back.

Louie Provenza:
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Are you suggesting that whoever killed this dog also murdered Marcella Brewster?

Mr. Baird:
No, no, no. I killed the dog.

Andy Flynn:
Okay, that's it. Turn around, hands behind your back.

Mr. Baird:
What?

Andy Flynn:
Shut up, just...

Mr. Baird:
What are you doing? I called you guy. You wouldn't know anything about this except for me. Wait, wait, wait, let me explain. Yes, I killed the dog, yes. But the murderer is whoever poisoned the crab cakes. What am I under arrest for anyway?

Sharon Raydor:
So, far, impersonating a police officer, animal cruelty, and we haven't even...

Russell Taylor:
Hold on. Hold on a minute. Let's all take a giant step back. Flynn, Provenza, is it true you guys dragged this security guard off Marcella Brewster's estate, and left her dead dog behind the bushes?

Mr. Baird:
Yes.

Andy Flynn:
No. Brought the little fella back with us.

Amy Sykes:
In an actual doggie bag. We also have one half-eaten crab cake, a freezer full of frozen ones and more than a little canine vomit.

Mike Tao:
While we can't confirm Marcella was poisoned without a tissue sample, this is interesting. Marcella's medical records show she'd been suffered from an acute promyelocytic leukemia, a cancer of the white blood cells.

Louie Provenza:
God, can we audit this course?

Mike Tao:
One of the treatments for API is arsenic trioxide, which she'd taken intravenously.

Andy Flynn:
You know, if the killer knew that Marcella was on an arsenic-based drug, maybe he or she thought that by adding more poison to her diet it wouldn't show up at the autopsy.

Angela Soames:
If you breach that door, we will demand justice for the woman that you are robbing of immortality.

Andy Flynn:
I think her murderer had something to do with that too.

Carter Bradford:
Oh, Falcon, huh? Who'd he bite now?

Amy Sykes:
Actually, sir, Falcon's dead.

Julio Sanchez:
Poisoned with arsenic.

Carter Bradford:
Whoa. Do you know who Falcon left the house to?

Andy Flynn:
[in the monitor room] God, I hope he isn't the brains of the family.

Mr. Baird:
Let me explain how wrong you are. Number one: I called you. Which is why we're here discussing murder in the first place, mi compadre. Number two: Security codes. Not only did I violate my confidentiality agreement, but I gave you guys the numbers protecting the most valuable frozen asset in the world. Number three: Employment. Dead dog, job gone. Poof. Good thing there's a million positions waiting for someone with my Psychiatric record. Of, wait. There's not. Number...

Andy Flynn:
Four.

Mr. Baird:
Yeah, number four: No pesos, my little Latino friend. Have you established a path by which money from the Marcella Brewster estate travels into my pocket? No, you have not. And fifth, and most importantly, I lost the one thing that mattered. My best friend, Falcon. And the great big house in which we lived together. So, what is my motive... you big meanies? Why would I purposely kill Marcella and Falcon and lose my chance at living a life in uniform?

Louie Provenza:
Maybe you don't need a motive.

Andy Flynn:
Maybe you're just the craziest person on the face of the Earth.

Mr. Baird:
[sighs] Well, I did skip my medication today.

Sharon Raydor:
If only we knew someone who Kleiner would never suspect of being part of a police operation. Someone who had every right to be at Ms. Brewster's house. Someone who could inform Kleiner about a bargain about to drop into his lap.

Mr. Kleiner:
If someone doesn't shut him up...

Mr. Baird:
What, Mr. Moneybags? Are you gonna take away my polo privileges? Are you gonna hide your Grey Poupon?

Mr. Kleiner:
I should've poisoned you instead of Marcella.

Mr. Baird:
Buzz?

Buzz Watson:
I got it. I got it.

Sharon Raydor:
I think we can classify that as a spontaneous utterance.

Mr. Baird:
Could someone please explain how a killer confesses to a murder and then gets a deal for 25 years?

Mike Tao:
If we'd gone to trial, our star witness would've been you.

Julio Sanchez:
Juries don't like nutjobs.

Mr. Baird:
Two hours ago, I felt like I was on top of the world. Right now, I feel very underappreciated.

Andy Flynn:
Underappreciated, it's a way of life for us.

Amy Sykes:
What do you know? Maybe you're a real detective after all.

Mr. Baird:
Wow. I'm in the club, huh? Ha-ha-ha. Well, awesome.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
I've got 15 minutes to get to court and persuade the judge that Lloyd Gibbs is a credible witness being unfairly detained. Anybody care to come back me up?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
I will. This evidence is total bullshit.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Thank you. It's nice to know I have at least one friend here, Detective Lopez.

Lloyd Gibbs:
A friend was with me last night.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
[shouts] I told you not to call anybody!

Lloyd Gibbs:
It wasn't just anybody! This is the most amazing woman in the world. I've known her since we were kids. We've dated off and on since high school. And, you can believe her when she says I didn't kill anyone, because she is honest, dependable, and absolutely not a prostitute.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
"Not a prostitute"?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
What is her name?

Lloyd Gibbs:
Her name is Shampagne. With an S. And she has a website.

Shampagne:
Oh, no. Is he okay?

Lt. Andy Flynn:
He's about 30 seconds from being charged with murder. But other than that, yeah, he's great.

Shampagne:
Will you give him my best? Oh, and tell him that I've got the "free moustache rides" sweatshirt that he left in my car.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
You know what? I've got a better idea. Why don't you come with us and you can tell him yourself?

Lt. Mike Tao:
Meanwhile, if there are some phone calls you'd like to make?

Shampagne:
My phone, finally. Maybe I can cancel some of these people before they think I stood them up. [phone vibrates] What did you do? It isn't working. It won't take my password. You people broke my phone!

Lt. Mike Tao:
Let me see if I can fix it. It's made in China.

Scott Perry:
I should've known all along that Shampagne would talk.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Well, it is what she's paid to do.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Flynn. Be careful. Your blood pressure!

Lt. Andy Flynn:
What? You just told the entire world that I have high blood pressure. Now everyone knows.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
They didn't hear me. Nobody heard me, did they?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
I heard you. You said "high blood pressure."

Detective Amy Sykes:
Explains a lot. I mean, not everything, but a lot.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
You see? What did I ask you?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Just take it easy. Yank on your ear lobe or something.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Don't tell me to take it easy, okay? I asked you to do one simple thing. Not tell anybody about my blood pressure! What do you do? You tell the world.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
It just slipped out!

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Really?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Really!

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Really?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Really!

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Really? [falls down]

Sharon Raydor:
Sergeant Staples, good to see you.

Sgt. Staples:
Captain.

Sharon Raydor:
Although I wish it were under different circumstances.

Sgt. Staples:
Thank you for turning over the crime scene.

Louie Provenza:
Well, there's never been a rule she didn't follow.

Julio Sanchez:
Wow... After everything... that I've done here... you two treat me the same way... that you would... a dirtbag suspect off the street... Am I under arrest, ma'am?

Sharon Raydor:
No. Julio, everything we've done is to...

Julio Sanchez:
My mom needs my help. Excuse me.

Louie Provenza:
Julio.

Sharon Raydor:
Of course.

Louie Provenza:
Julio, we're doing this for your own good.

Mike Tao:
[Sanchez walks to the elevator] Julio.

Julio Sanchez:
Why didn't you tell me what was going on?

Mike Tao:
There's an open I.A. investigation. If they knew we told you Tino was murdered before they questioned you, it's not good.

Julio Sanchez:
Did you see the guy?

Mike Tao:
I did.

Julio Sanchez:
I messed him up. It's not like he was unconscious or anything. I mean, he ran away, Tao.

Mike Tao:
I know you didn't do it. Meanwhile, you gotta follow procedure right now. Procedure is your friend, okay? Let us find the suspect.

Rusty Beck:
You're a good lawyer, right?

Jackson Raydor:
I'm a great lawyer, yeah.

Rusty Beck:
Okay, great. You are a great lawyer. And you had a fantastic wife and two amazing kids. You know, lots of people might say you already won the jackpot. [pause] And you just didn't realize it.

Jackson Raydor:
Yeah, I do know when I've lost.

Sgt. Staples:
We've uncovered an unacceptable pattern of behavior that absolutely has to change. Although we've cleared your criminal charges, during the course of our investigation, we found several interactions with suspects, in which you displayed an unwarranted amount of physical contact.

Louie Provenza:
And as I've pointed out, in each instance, Detective Sanchez was severely reprimanded.

Sgt. Staples:
And those reprimands are not having the desired effect, it seems, are they?

Sharon Raydor:
In consultation with Professional Standards, I've come up with a compromise that will allow you to remain on active duty.

Sgt. Staples:
L.A.P.D. requires you attend two anger management sessions a week over the next 12 months. Detective, I urge you to follow this solution in the hope that it can resolve this ongoing issue you have at work, and it seems, in your life. I will forward the paperwork over. Okay?

Julio Sanchez:
Yes, okay.

Sgt. Staples:
Very good.

Sharon Raydor:
Thank you, sergeant.

Sgt. Staples:
Captain.

Sharon Raydor:
Mm-hm.

Louie Provenza:
Julio, this anger management is a "get out of jail free" card. And the compromise the captain has worked out...

Julio Sanchez:
I appreciate it, captain. I do.

Sharon Raydor:
I know, Julio. But you have to follow through with it. Otherwise this deal falls completely apart.

Julio Sanchez:
Don't worry, ma'am. I'm ready. In fact, I'm gonna need all the anger management help I can find. [sighs] Excuse me.

[last lines]

Julio Sanchez:
Mom, I'm home. [sees Mrs. Sanchez] You look so pretty.

Ramona Sanchez:
Well, if you're going to move home, the least I can do is dress my best. [chuckles] I can't believe that you're gonna be living in your old room again. It'll be different now. You'll have your own bed. And maybe when I get better, you stay. Don't unpack now. Come into the den. My show is about to go on. And maybe you can make us some sandwiches. And, Julio, get me some socks. My feet are freezing. Oh, and I can't find the remote control anywhere. [keeps talking]

Julio Sanchez:
Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Ramona Sanchez:
Julio? Julio? Where are you going?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Eighty-five degrees in December. Sykes, why am I not sitting in front of my air conditioner?

Dr. Morales:
Before I get into how I know your victim didn't have sex, there's something I need to tell you. When you guys can't wait for a prelim, I'm happy to oblige. But you texted me during the LA County Morgue's annual Christmas party, which we have to hold early because it's suicide season coming up. And so I'm a little tipsy.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Doctor, are we putting you in a bad position?

Dr. Morales:
No, I'll just repeat these tests I'm doing now tomorrow. We'll be good. Just, don't expect my usual genius. Uh...

Captain Sharon Raydor:
You were saying that the victim did not have sex.

Dr. Morales:
Right. No spermicide from a condom. No blood, no fluid of any kind on your victim's body.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
All the searches on Eric Riley were run by the same sheriff's deputy, Manuel Diaz. Hey, Sanchez, do you know this guy?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Oh, right, because all us LA Latinos we know each other, right, Flynn?... Oh, I do know him

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Did you ever contact him personally or drive by his house?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Manny, maybe you did the wrong thing for the right reason.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Let me reassure you, Deputy Diaz, I'm not the kind of person that likes to get bogged down in all the rules.

Mrs. Riley:
What happened? What did you do?

Dr. Carl Riley:
It was all starting again! There was going to be more girls, more accusations and more victims! I found him on our computer, talking to that girl! I confronted him! You know what Eric told me? To mind my own business!

Mrs. Riley:
No! That is not my boy!

Dr. Carl Riley:
Your boy was a monster, and he was on the verge of ruining all of us! How could you let him out of jail? How could you? You knew what he was! How could you?

Deputy Manuel Diaz:
Let people judge whether Eric Riley was a victim or not.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
That's crazy. He's dead. It's over.

Deputy Manuel Diaz:
When you allow your daughter to date a monster, and she kills herself, it's never over. Never.

Rusty Beck:
I don't see how feeling sorry for myself will change anything. It won't my mom back, it won't change what happened to me.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Pity is one thing. Sympathy is another. Forget about yourself for a second. Picture another 15-year old boy, walking through the zoo at Griffith Park, expecting to be picked up by his mom. Picture him waiting. Picture his panic as he begins to understand his mother's not showing up. Picture him with no resources, and no clothes and no food, and nothing but the knapsack that he was carrying with him, walking three miles back to the apartment where he'd been living, only to find one small suitcase, packed, and left behind. And himself alone. Can you picture that, Rusty?

Rusty Beck:
Yeah. I can picture that, yeah.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Anything you'd like to say to that boy?

Rusty Beck:
I... I'd tell him that it wasn't his fault. And that even though he might have to do some bad things... though some bad things might happen to him... that he'd end up with people who cared about him.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
So, you do have some sympathy for that boy?

Rusty Beck:
Yeah, sure.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Okay... Okay. I was supposed to do a straight two days with you, but we had a little trouble getting started, so... fill out this paperwork, and, I'll make some time for you right before Christmas, and we'll see if we can finish up.

Jackson Raydor:
Hello, Sharon.

Sharon Raydor:
Jack, would you mind waiting in my office? I'll be with you in a moment.

Jackson Raydor:
What? No hello?

Sharon Raydor:
Hello, Jack. Would you mind waiting in my office? I'll be with you in a moment.

Sharon Raydor:
I'm very busy, Jack, so let me get right to the point. I'm thinking about adoption. And since we're married, that decision involves you.

Jackson Raydor:
Adoption?

Sharon Raydor:
Mm-hmm.

Jackson Raydor:
Of Rusty? I thought he turned 18.

Sharon Raydor:
Well, he's getting older, yes. And he's planning on going to collage, looking for a job...

Jackson Raydor:
Congratulations, that is great, and eventually, he'll be moving out, huh?

Sharon Raydor:
But he needs a family legally. I want him to have backup that he can count on.

Jackson Raydor:
You don't have to do that exactly by the book. Look, Sharon, I like Rusty, I do but... we already have a family.

Sharon Raydor:
We share children, Jack. It's not the same thing.

Jackson Raydor:
Well, this impacts me too. I'm not made of money, you know? So if you wanna adopt a kid... I should be compensated for all the bullshit I will have to go through.

Sharon Raydor:
I knew that you would say something like that... so I talked to my lawyer, and I'm giving you two options.

Jackson Raydor:
Well, these are divorce papers.

Sharon Raydor:
And these would formalize an adoption. [pause] I'm not paying you a single dime, Jack. Just sign one document or the other.

Jackson Raydor:
Ahem. Have you talked to our real children about this?

Sharon Raydor:
No. And I haven't asked Rusty yet either. I'm doing things in a particular way, and you are first on my list.

Jackson Raydor:
You know, if you were gonna divorce me, you would have done this years ago.

Sharon Raydor:
Jack, the era during which it was professionally useful for me to have a wedding ring on my finger is long gone.

Jackson Raydor:
Hmm. In a divorce, I would be entitled to half your savings and half your pension. Given any thought to that?

Sharon Raydor:
So you're ready to pay all the back child support you owe me for the family you deserted?

Jackson Raydor:
We were never divorced. Why do you think that I owe you?

Sharon Raydor:
Would you like to experience firsthand what the court thinks of child abandonment? Go for it.

Jackson Raydor:
Thanks for the heads-up, Sharon. I'll be in touch.

Sharon Raydor:
I certainly hope so. Otherwise you'll be hearing it from my lawyer.

Rusty Beck:
And then, he started asking me a lot of questions about you.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, heh. How so?

Rusty Beck:
Well, he seemed to think you might be dating someone. Which would be news to me.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, me too. What else?

Rusty Beck:
Um. Well, you know, it's probably just Jack being Jack. And you say not to believe anything he says. But he made it seem like you might want to... adopt me.

Sharon Raydor:
He told you that?

Rusty Beck:
Yeah, and that it might mean that the two of you would divorce.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, well, I am absolutely divorcing him now, no matter what.

Rusty Beck:
Don't do that because of me, though, Sharon.

Sharon Raydor:
It's not about you, Rusty. Jack has just proven, and for the very last time... that he is the most unreliable person on the earth.

Sharon Raydor:
Did Alice ever mention where she was from or her last name?

Slider:
No. Look, Alice wasn't nothing to me, all right? I wish I never met the b*tch, obvious. She thought she was better than everyone. Now, she's just stuff you throw out with the trash. That's what happens to people who mess with me. That's just what happens.

Mike Tao:
[in the monitor room, talking with a public defender on the phone] Yes, Lieutenant Michael Tao, Major Crimes. We're about to file second degree murder charges against...

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs:
[holds Tao's phone conversation] Throw in the shooting of Bug. And the robbery. And his public defender can choose between life without parole or the death penalty. This kid needs to be put away.

Mike Tao:
Did you hear that? We're talking about murder in the first of a 15-year-old girl. Oh. Uh... The victim. Her name? She's a Jane Doe.

Sharon Raydor:
Amy, I'd rather not put that away till after the service. And let's leave up the ID board for a while too. All these lost girls.

Andy Flynn:
Hey, look. Everyone doesn't have to go. I only thought... just hate the idea of wrapping her up in the burrito room, and leaving her there.

Louie Provenza:
We all hate it, Flynn. Even me.

Minister:
A person is more than their name. More than the blood in their body. We gather here as proof of that. Alice left this world a stranger but she is still our family. We embrace and encircle her spirit with the expectation that we will see her again in a world far better than this one.

Louie Provenza:
Oh, well, Miss Kemp might have loved the guy, but she was definitely getting a pig in a poke, as we used to say. You know, it's interesting how Bill George could turn his life around, enough so that he could have an adult relationship to begin with.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
I don't know. He's older. People's attractions change with negative reinforcement. Though that's hard to do.

Louie Provenza:
Tell me about it. I myself... um-hm, I myself find I'm seeing... and I'm definitely having second thoughts about it all... seeing someone who is so very much different from anyone I've ever dated in my adult life.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Oh, how different?

Louie Provenza:
Huge.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
In what way?

Louie Provenza:
Well, um, she's... she's very close to my own age. I mean, I don't go out with woman over 40.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Well... why don't you just drop her?

Louie Provenza:
What?

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Stop seeing her, if she's not what you want. [walks away]

Louie Provenza:
[following Dr. Bowman] Who said she's not what I want?

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Oh, I thought you did.

Louie Provenza:
I most certainly did not. And here's something else I'll tell you. In a relationship, doctor, it's not always about what you want. Sometimes it's about what the other person wants.

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Well, if you say so, lieutenant. Excuse me, would you see this report gets filled with your captain? Thank you. [walks away]

Louie Provenza:
Psychologists. [Dr. Bowman smiles]

Bill George:
There's a receipt in my kitchen. I save everything. A guy in prison told me that. Keep records, receipts, check stubs, tickets, whatever, just in case. I even saved the rocks. You want them too?

Sharon Raydor:
A very smart person could have watched how the window repairman entered Mr. George's house while he was away.

Julio Sanchez:
Taking this key from above the front door and that's what our witness says he saw happen.

Sharon Raydor:
He also says that he can identify the person who did it.

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs:
[in the monitor room] I wish we actually had an eyewitness.

Louie Provenza:
We do, if they think we do.

Louie Provenza:
Talk to her father, her brothers, any other angry guy in her life.

Andy Flynn:
Yeah, well, if my daughter was raped and the guy got away with it... I don't know what I would do.

Julio Sanchez:
Make sure we'd never find the body.

Andy Flynn:
You wouldn't find blood in the drain like I just did.

Russell Taylor:
Okay, Tao, press is waiting for a briefing from detectives. Come on.

Mike Tao:
Me?

Russell Taylor:
These reporters deserve the most thorough briefing I can give, and that's you. Let's go.

Russell Taylor:
Mr. Cross walked.

DDA Jeff Lee:
Oh, no. No, no, no. He didn't walk. He danced.

Sharon Raydor:
What do you mean?

DDA Jeff Lee:
When the judge dismissed the charges against him... with prejudice, by the way, Lucas Cross jumped up and he danced around the courtroom. And then, that son of a b*tch sent roses to my victim, like he's her freaking valentine.

Sharon Beck:
I guess the one good thing is I don't have much to put in it... Oh, oh, do you have my prescription? I'll just... toss it here with my clothes.

Rusty Beck:
I couldn't fill your prescription.

Sharon Beck:
What? [pause] Why?

Rusty Beck:
Because it's a forgery, Mom. It wasn't given to you here.

Sharon Beck:
A forgery? It's not a forgery. Look...

Rusty Beck:
No one at this rehab would give you this drug. And you involved me in a crime trying to get me to fill it.

Sharon Beck:
A crime? Oh, my God. I don't know what you're talking about. Do I seem high to you right now, Rusty?... Listen. I apologized to you, okay? And I meant every word of it. And I've tried very hard to keep from making things worse of you. But as you said the other day, you were not the easiest kid. And knowing what you were... Hm? Even when you were little, I knew what you were and that has never been easy for me... facing that...

Rusty Beck:
Facing what?

Sharon Beck:
Oh, are you pretending that you're not gay? Because I know that you are. And, pssh, I can overlook it, you know. But can't you just overlook some of my problems? At least I'm trying to be normal. I don't get that hit off of you.

Rusty Beck:
Are you saying that you let your boyfriend beat me up, and you dumped me off at the zoo and drove away and got high for three years because you knew I was gay?

Sharon Beck:
Gary wouldn't let me come back and get you. They put you in a foster home.

Rusty Beck:
Where I was knocked around, Mom.

Sharon Beck:
You chose to go on the street, do those things... for money, with guys.

Rusty Beck:
And where do you think I learned how to do that, Mom?

Sharon Beck:
Oh. [sighs] I'm not blaming you, Rusty, okay? And I'm assuming you did the best you could. And that you can't help yourself.

Rusty Beck:
I think I should go.

Sharon Beck:
What? No! Come on! Can you just show me some of the forgiveness that I am showing you?

DDA Jeff Lee:
You already have one woman confessing this murder.

Amy Sykes:
Corporal Day was lying.

DDA Jeff Lee:
That's gonna be very hard to explain.

Louie Provenza:
Luckily, we're in the explanation business. What business are you in?

[last lines]

Rusty Beck:
You got out of rehab last night and you are already drinking?

Sharon Beck:
[on the phone] Three beers is not drinking. And you know what, I needed that much to get over our little fight.

Rusty Beck:
It was not a little fight. It was, it was a big, terrible bunch of lies that you told me. I am not responsible for your drinking and I am not driving you to the halfway house. Go back to rehab and start over. Goodbye. [hangs up]

Sharon Raydor:
I'm so sorry.

Rusty Beck:
That this happened, or that she'll only call back?

Sharon Raydor:
It sounds like her on the phone, I know, but it's her addiction talking, not your mom.

Rusty Beck:
Why do I even care anymore?

Sharon Raydor:
Because you love her. [Rusty's cell phone starts vibrating] And because you don't want to give up hope that someday she'll be well.

Rusty Beck:
But not tonight. [puts his cell phone's power off]

Sharon Raydor:
Are you at least having a good time?

Rusty Beck:
Yeah. It's... I mean, it's crazy, but the people are nice. And, you know, the second AD, Jeff, he said that I am the best set PA that he has ever met. He's a really great guy, Jeff. You'd like him a lot. He's smart, and he's very funny. And he's actually only 25, which is really, really young for an AD. And he also says our hours aren't bad for TV at all.

Rusty Beck:
Uh, hey, I was wondering. What would you think if I waited to summer to start college instead of January? Just because "Badge of Justice" shoots till May, and they, like, really, really depend on me over there.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, I'm sure that they do, but I can't imagine anyone on that set would want you to put off college just to lend them a hand.

Rusty Beck:
No, no, actually, Jeff says that, sometimes, uh, work experience is better than college because it helps you, like, figure out what you wanna do with your life.

Sharon Raydor:
Ah, well, I think that it is possible to appreciate Jeff's perspective without giving up on your own.

Sharon Raydor:
Mike, can I ask you a question?

Mike Tao:
Sure.

Sharon Raydor:
Do you know an AD on "Badge of Justice" named Jeff? Rusty was...

Mike Tao:
Jeff Barrier. Sure, he's a great guy. And you'd be happy to know, he really likes Rusty.

Sharon Raydor:
And how much?

Mike Tao:
Hmm?

Sharon Raydor:
How much does he really like Rusty?

Mike Tao:
Oh. Um, I don't know. Why?

Sharon Raydor:
Well, because Rusty is suddenly thinking about postponing college because of something that Jeff said.

Mike Tao:
I see.

Sharon Raydor:
I mean, I'm sure there's an easy fix to it without interfering in the friendship, if you could help me.

Mike Tao:
How?

Julio Sanchez:
Well, come on, "No Romeo", time to take it all off.

Wesley Grant:
You don't even understand what "No Romeo" means, do you? Romeo starts off loving this girl named Rosaline. Talking about how no one else could ever matter him. And then the moment he sees Juliet, Rosaline ceases to exist. Well, I'm "NO Romeo". Nothing will ever make me stop loving Keisha. That's what "No Romeo" means.

Louie Provenza:
We'll never get there without Patrice's help.

Sharon Raydor:
Patrice.

Louie Provenza:
Or Keisha's grandmother.

Sharon Raydor:
And is she a decent person?

Louie Provenza:
I think so. Yes. Yes, but she's not just going to roll over to help us put Keisha away forever because she has a good heart. Captain, I know this woman. I've just spent 24 hours with her, building a trusting relationship.

Sharon Raydor:
And who's been using that trusting relationship, lieutenant? You or her?

Louie Provenza:
So, um, right up the street, there is a pretty good steakhouse with a fully stocked bar. I think a decent meal and a good, stiff drink would do us both some good.

Patrice Perry:
Damn it, lieutenant, I, I have never met anyone in my life who ended up bringing me so much grief, and now you're gonna ask me out to dinner?

Louie Provenza:
Unless you have a better offer. You'd be miserable here, alone... or miserable with me.

Patrice Perry:
I am gonna look for the most expensive item on the menu, and I'm ordering two of them.

Louie Provenza:
Then I'll have half of yours.

Rusty Beck:
Uh, but we went to Delancy's afterwards, and I'm not sure how the subject came up exactly, but it turns out that Jeff thought I would be nuts to skip college this semester.

Sharon Raydor:
Did he?

Rusty Beck:
Yeah. And he brought up another point that was... kind of obvious, which is, if you really like people... you don't have to stop being friends just because you're going to college.

Sharon Raydor:
You know, I think you're right about this Jeff. He does seem insightful.

Sharon Raydor:
You made a plan to go to college, and you're sticking to that plan. And it's the bigger plan, really. And keeping the bigger plan in mind when things don't go exactly the way you want... that's what real stability means, Rusty.

Rusty Beck:
You're just glad you got your way again, and that somehow or other, I always end up doing exactly what you want.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, well, yes. Ha, ha. That too.

Julio Sanchez:
Let's start when Dante came over to your house yesterday.

Manuel Escobedo:
Who told you about that?

Julio Sanchez:
You just did.

Rusty Beck:
It's bad, isn't it? That she... she didn't check into rehab on her own?

Sharon Raydor:
Rusty, how she got there is not as important as what she does with it.

Cesar Padilla:
I don't need an attorney. I need a new identity. You have to put me in the witness protection program or something right now.

Sharon Raydor:
You already admitted to lying to Detective Sanchez about what you saw the night Ana was murdered.

Julio Sanchez:
Now you have to tell us why, or we will charge you with covering up a murder.

Cesar Padilla:
What?

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs:
[in the monitor room] He never testified under oath. So he can't be held liable for making a false statement.

Louie Provenza:
Don't fixate on the details, Hobbs.

Sharon Raydor:
Mr. Padilla, we already have two witnesses, Manuel and Carlos Escobedo.

Julio Sanchez:
They saw you go into Dante's garage. They know that you killed him. And they were fine with that, until they found out you were the one who killed their sister.

Cesar Padilla:
No.

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs:
[in the monitor room] Come on.

Andy Flynn:
Hey, this dirtbag lied to us about being a witness for 17 years. We can lie to him about witnesses for a few minutes.

Cesar Padilla:
But you'd protect me again if I do what's right? [pause] I'm not the same person, you know? I've changed over the years.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, write that down too. Write down how you've changed. I'm sure it'll make a big difference when we start the deal-making process.

Cesar Padilla:
Do you think so?

Julio Sanchez:
A big difference. [pause] Yeah.

Julio Sanchez:
I reopened the investigations into the murders of your two sons. I need to ask you some questions.

Regina Gomez:
Really?

Julio Sanchez:
Yes, ma'am.

Regina Gomez:
Where are all the other police?

Julio Sanchez:
This is... something that I'm doing on my own time. Let's start with your oldest son, Marco. He was Dante's dad, wasn't he?

Regina Gomez:
Yes, and the worst father in the world, and a terrible son. But I loved him all the same. [pause] How do you explain this to people? No one understands.

Julio Sanchez:
I don't need to understand, Ms. Gomez. I just need to arrest the person who killed him. [pause] Can you fill out a little paper work for me?

Regina Gomez:
Okay. Sure. [holds Sanchez's hands] You know... you remind me of Marco a little. I bet you're stubborn, aren't you? [a tear drops from Sanchez]

Dr. Morales:
[Sykes, Rios and Raydor, folding their arms, turn to him at a time] What is this? Charlie's Angels?

Detective Amy Sykes:
I suggest we get in touch with their high school's buy-guy.

Dr. Morales:
Bi-guy?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Buy, spelled

D.D.A. Emma Rios, Captain Sharon Raydor:
B, U, Y.

Detective Amy Sykes:
An undercover officer who poses as a student and makes drug buys.

Dr. Morales:
Oh, you mean a narc.

Rusty Beck:
I feel like my life is like... I just, I feel like my life is being sacrificed so that you all can have a trial.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
It's tough. We know that. That's why we wanna talk to you about all three ways to deal with these threats.

Assistant Chief Taylor:
Not three ways. Two ways.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Three.

Assistant Chief Taylor:
No. No, no.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
His teacher was in his bedroom?

Lt. Mike Tao:
Not only his bedroom but in his bed. We have pristine thumb prints on the headboard and finger and palm wrapped around the top and the back as if she was gripping on...

Captain Sharon Raydor:
No, I get the picture, Lieutenant.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
I am not surprised. And considering the fingerprint report and the vast amount of evidence that you have uncovered at her residence, I think it's fortunate that her husband's brother is an attorney. Could you put him on the phone? Our schoolteacher's going to need someone to talk to in confidence and right away.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Wait a minute. You're helping our murder suspect layer up?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Yes.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Are you sure she's in the right place to deal?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
She is in the perfect place, Emma. And, if I'm right, we're getting the perfect lawyer to help her tell us the truth. Trust me. She'll make a deal.

Michael Harris:
Anyway, I'm giving you fair warning. I am representing Robyn. You need to get some serious help. Not just a lawyer but a psychiatrist. And I would get that all in order before Robyn's arraignment.

Chris Harris:
You're choosing her over me? I'm your brother. I'm your brother.

Michael Harris:
That's something I can't fix. Goodbye, Chris.

Detective Amy Sykes:
When the victim, Joe Fox, missed a Skype conference with the East Coast this morning, his business partner came over and found the body tortured with bleach, mutilate, and shut up in the bathroom down the hall.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Really? Because it smells like it's here in the room.

Detective Amy Sykes:
Air conditioning was left on. It circulates the odor. Is that gonna be a problem for you?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
No. Just observing how horrible it smells in here. That's all.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
[clears throat] Rios, just sit here on the couch.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
[walking to the living room] Sykes. Tao. Sanchez. [all look down the couch where Rios is sitting on]

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
What? What happened?

Detective Amy Sykes:
Better stand up.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Why?

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Ah, sofa folds out.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Ooh...

Detective Amy Sykes:
It explains the smell. [to Rios] Do not scream. [Rios whimpers]

Brandon North:
Can I just sleep here for one night?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Why do you wanna do that, Brandon?

Brandon North:
I'm so tired. I'm, I'm tired. You know, Carlo and me were gonna be friends. That was a big goal of mine. Especially after I got cut from the show.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Brandon, Carlo is right here. And he would really love to meet you. And he's standing by. Look.

Brandon North:
Hi, Carlo.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
If you wanna come out and meet him in person, all you have to do, Brandon, all you have to do is put your gun down and come slowly out onto the porch with your arms raised.

Brandon North:
Oh, I don't have a gun. I don't even like guns.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Oh, well that's, that's good. Brandon, what's going on? Hello? Brandon?

Brandon North:
Tell Carlo I'm sorry I broke his chair, okay? I have a funny temper sometimes. I'm just passionate about what I want, I guess. [starts laughing] But you know what? You have to be passionate to be famous in Hollywood, right?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Yes, that is right. And if you really wanna meet Carlo, Brandon, all you gotta do... is come on out.

Brandon North:
Tell Carlo... I expect we'll end up in the same place. Goodbye.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
No, Brandon, don't hang up! No! No! [gunshot]

Captain Sharon Raydor:
[Rusty finds Raydor holding bunch of blackmail letters] Whatever happens next... know I love you.

Rusty Beck:
Don't think I'm gonna be all, like, thankful for you taking me in.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Oh, trust me. You're not the first adolescent to my home with your presence. Having raised two teenagers of my own, I have tremendous capacity for ingratitude. [pauses] Rusty, it's so funny. Just when you get good at being a mother, you're fired.

Rusty Beck:
Or you quit.

Rusty Beck:
So, what are we supposed to call each other, anyway?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Oh. I think you should call me Captain Raydor.

Rusty Beck:
Okay. And you can call me Mr. Beck.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
*You* are the child in this relationship.

Rusty Beck:
No, I am the witness. If you are the police officer, then I am the witness.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
There are not a lot of people around here who call me by my first name.

Rusty Beck:
Oh, well, maybe that's why you live alone with a spare bedroom.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
I live alone because my children are grown. The spare bedroom is for when they visit. But you may call me Sharon. How's that?

Rusty Beck:
*Sharon*? What, is that like your bad idea of a joke of something?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Why do you say that?

Rusty Beck:
Sharon is my mother's name.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
[sighs] Oh.

Rusty Beck:
God, you haven't been looking for her at all, have you?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Rusty, I just got this job yesterday. Give me a chance to catch up. I am making a good-faith effort. I am. Rusty, if it is possible to find your mother, I will do it. I promise you.

Rusty Beck:
Sure you will, Captain. Sure you will.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Greg Miller is going to jail for the people we killed and getting off scot-free for the murders he committed himself. But I guess that's all right because you saved the city a lot of money. I bet you're really happy about that, huh?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
I put a murderer away for life in less than 48 hours, which is not the usual routine around here. So, yes, I feel excellent. Thank you for asking.

Jesus Chavez:
You got my money? The guy told me...

Billy:
Yes, I know. $2,000. First 1,000 up front. Second 1,000 after the message. Have a seat on the couch, please.

Jesus Chavez:
[sees plastic cover on the couch] This your gram's house, Homes?

Billy:
The first $1,000. Count it if you want. [Jesus counts the money] Put the cash back in the plastic baggie, please.

Jesus Chavez:
What's the matter? You afraid of germs?

Billy:
I don't like mess. What's Mr. Stroh want now?

Jesus Chavez:
Says you haven't scared the boy off with the letters. Says you got one week to figure out how to get rid of either him or the woman. But they're both being watched all the time.

Billy:
Yes, I know they're being watched. Did Mr. Stroh tell you where I should acknowledge receipt of this message?

Jesus Chavez:
What?

Billy:
Where do I put my answer to Mr. Stroh? Do you know?

Jesus Chavez:
Place called Edendale Park, in the creek by the busted fountain.

Billy:
All right. Let me get you the rest of your money.

Jesus Chavez:
Yo, what up? This gonna take long?

Billy:
You'll be on your way in just a few. Tell me, did Phillip Stroh give you that message personally?

Jesus Chavez:
No, I ain't never met him myself.

Billy:
Huh. Well, then... [stabs Jesus in the chest] Lucky you. Sorry, it's you instead of Stroh. Kind of sorry.

Mike Tao:
Jesus Chavez was released from County two days ago after a month inside on a drug bust. Previously arrested for attempted murder, assault, gun charges. Did nine years for armed robbery.

Louie Provenza:
Oh, so this Jesus was not the son of God.

Mike Tao:
Hm, unlikely.

Billy:
Hey. Anyone in front of me?

Rusty Beck:
No. Have a seat. I'm Rusty.

Billy:
Bill. Nice to meet you. [clears throat] You mind if we have a little music? It helps me focus. Especially when I'm playing in the top tier over here.

Andy Flynn:
Remember, Stroh isn't just a serial killer. He's a great attorney, and he's leveraged other criminals to help him out before.

Russell Taylor:
Well, the good news is, if you're right, we're getting closer to finding this guy.

Sharon Raydor:
Or he's getting closer to us.

Sharon Raydor:
This is not a negotiation, Lieutenant Cooper. I want to hear what's going on. Otherwise, this undercover operation will be suspended, and we will go back to a much more visible security detail.

Lt. Chuck Cooper:
You do that, and the killer will definitely notice. We're real close to catching him.

Sharon Raydor:
We're too close, Lieutenant, too close. This young man is not just bait. He is... He is my responsibility.

Mike Tao:
It's called an authorship attribution program. You can download it for free on the internet. But before I explain what it is, [to Provenza] let me assure you that this is the short version.

Louie Provenza:
Oh, boy.

Mike Tao:
Basically, the program compares texts. It ranks words by their usage, particularly articles like "the" and prepositions like "or" and "to." Words that might seem inconsequential, but in fact, leave an authorial fingerprint on most any work. So by taking a sampling of legal motions written by Stroh and comparing them to motions authored by Reyes...

Sharon Raydor:
You can prove Stroh wrote them.

Mike Tao:
According to the program, it's a 96% probability.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Unfortunately, this will not be considered evidence in court.

Sharon Raydor:
We don't need it to be.

Rusty Beck:
[sees plastic cover on the couch] What's with the plastic? Is it to, like, keep stuff off the couch or something?

Billy:
No, no. The plastic is to minimize my contact with blood.

Rusty Beck:
Your what? [alarm blares]

Julio Sanchez:
It's all right. I wake up screaming too. [pause] This place is pretty scary, huh? You'll feel better after you say your piece in court today.

Rusty Beck:
Has there been an arrest yet?

Julio Sanchez:
Don't worry about that guy. I'm gonna kill that guy.

Amy Sykes:
God, this place! Ever thought about cleaning after yourself, Lieutenant?

Louie Provenza:
Yeah, the last person that said that to me, Sykes, I divorced... Twice.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
That's the call the people's witness described making to the authorities. The call that helped the LAPD find and unearth four murdered girls buried in Griffith Park. The call that led this young man to be detained by the police to be attacked by Phillip Stroh, to be threatened at the defendants instigation, from giving his testimony here...

Linda Rothman:
Objection! Your Honor, the prosecution can present no evidence that my client attempted to intimidate Russell in any way.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Your Honor, we have almost 30 threatening letters sent to...

Linda Rothman:
The authenticity of those letters is doubtful at best.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Doubtful? Doubtful? That's not what you were saying three hours ago!

Judge Grove:
Hold on, ladies! Hold on. I don't allow cross-talk in this courtroom. You'll address me, not each other. First... what are these threatening letters?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Your Honor, both this boy and his guardian Captain Raydor, received menacing letters suggesting terrible things would happen... if they continued to assist the prosecution. The people intend to link those letters...

Judge Grove:
What you intend to do and what you can prove today are two different things. Neither the prosecution, nor the witness may enter these letters into the record during the hearing if Ms. Rothman objects.

Tyler Lang:
Hey, dude, this game is sick. I didn't know you play.

Wade Weller aka Ryan Mills:
Yeah, I'm a regular killing machine.

Tyler Lang:
I bet. What's in the basement? Is that where you keep your victims?

Wade Weller aka Ryan Mills:
No. No, I wrap my victims up in plastic couch covers, like the one you're sitting on, and then I bury them in the backyard. Or dump them somewhere. [both laugh]

Linda Rothman:
How are you holding up?

Rusty Beck:
Fantastic. Thanks for asking.

Linda Rothman:
Fantastic? Is that why your guardian asked the psychologist Dr. Joseph Bowman to perform an evaluation of your mental status because you're fantastic?

Rusty Beck:
No. That was... um... that was for another reason.

Linda Rothman:
What reason?

Rusty Beck:
It was related to a lie that I told Captain Raydor.

Linda Rothman:
So you're still lying to the police? Surprised. About what this time? About what did you lie to the police?

Rusty Beck:
I don't think I can say.

Linda Rothman:
Your Honor?

Rusty Beck:
I, I, I can't... I can't answer that. I really can't...

Linda Rothman:
Your Honor?

Judge Grove:
Rusty, you will answer truthfully, as you have been sworn to do. About what did you lie to the police?

Rusty Beck:
I lied about all of the threatening letters I had received about my testimony against Phillip Stroh.

Linda Rothman:
Your Honor, I object!

Judge Grove:
To your own question? Too late. You asked and demanded an answer. And now these letters are on the record. I'd like to read them, DDA Rios, if you could hand them over after we're done here today.

Louie Provenza:
Last time I qualified with my weapon, I scored a perfect target. Have your friends at FID come down and take my after-action report. I'll check in with my union rep.

Rusty Beck:
Thank you for everything that you've done for me, but I don't think I should live with you anymore.

Sharon Raydor:
Why?

Rusty Beck:
Because I don't think you'll want me there.

Sharon Raydor:
Rusty, why on earth would you say that?

Rusty Beck:
Because I... I played chess with that Wade guy. And... and in some ways, not... not... not... not the illegal ways, not... not the violent ways, but in other ways that I can't fix, I'm just like him.

Sharon Raydor:
No, no, no, no. You are not like Wade Weller.

Rusty Beck:
Yes, I am, I am just like him. I'm exactly like him, and I'm... I'm... I'm just like Dr. Morales and... and maybe Dr. Joe and all of those guys who picked me up on the street. And I can't fix it, Sharon. I can't... I can't fix it. I am just like them, Sharon. I am just like them.

Sharon Raydor:
Rusty, what you are... is who I love. And all of you is coming home.

Louie Provenza:
And the only reason that you are riding along with us is to see if you can be a team player and follow directions. And so far, Mr. Beck, you are doing a crappy job.

Rusty Beck:
Let's have it.

Louie Provenza:
Stay in the hall.

Rusty Beck:
Geez. Why is he being so rude?

Buzz Watson:
Not following orders is worse than being rude. If you want the captain to sign papers approving your participation in an SIS operation, you better do what the lieutenant says.

Rusty Beck:
Bu... but just standing here is boring.

Buzz Watson:
You expect us all to be fascinated with your life, but you never take the smallest interest in other people.

Rusty Beck:
I do so take an interest in other people. I do that all the time.

Buzz Watson:
All the time? Really?

Rusty Beck:
Yeah.

Buzz Watson:
So tell me, why did Lieutenant Provenza become a detective? What was Mike Tao going to do before he started working Homicides? The reason you can't answer those questions is because you never ask people about themselves, ever. Not even how they're doing in the morning.

Rusty Beck:
Well, I don't have to ask how you're doing, because you're, like, obviously in a really bad mood.

Buzz Watson:
No. I'm disappointed... again.

Rusty Beck:
So I've been thinking over being a team player, and if this really is a team, then shouldn't I know more about the people playing on it?

Andy Flynn:
You asking a question about us?

Rusty Beck:
Yes. Why is that such a huge surprise? It's not like I'm an egomaniac. I am interested in other people.

Louie Provenza:
Okay. All right. What are you interested in?

Rusty Beck:
Well, you know, like, why did you become a police officer?

Louie Provenza:
'Cause I'm scared of fire. I'd rather be shot at than stand on the roof of a burning building surrounded by flames. Plus, I enjoy telling people what to do. It's fulfilling.

Rusty Beck:
And uh, what about you, Lieutenant Flynn?

Louie Provenza:
Oh, God. The short version, please.

Andy Flynn:
When I was a kid, my older brother and I, we "borrowed" a motorcycle that belonged to my cousin and took it for a joyride. And this cop, Officer Nichols, he caught us and brought us downtown, showed us the jail, and said, "This is where you're headed." Now my brother, he didn't think too much of Officer Nichols, but me, I decided, better putting people in jail than going there myself. Right?

Rusty Beck:
So, you were almost a criminal.

Louie Provenza:
Ah, here we are.

Andy Flynn:
Mike, you have an apartment number for our victim?

Rusty Beck:
I think it's that one.

Louie Provenza:
And how do you know that, Detective Beck?

Rusty Beck:
Because that's where Brenda's husband is standing.

Rusty Beck:
So, uh, Julio? May I ask you a personal question? How did you decide to join the police?

Julio Sanchez:
Uh, when I was 13, a couple of gangsters murdered my cat Osa. I decided to keep track of her killers, so one day I could arrest them.

Rusty Beck:
For killing your cat?

Julio Sanchez:
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Um, eventually, I got them for attempted murder and rape. You know, by then, they were third strikers, so I put them away for the rest of their lives. It felt good.

Congressman Steven Keller:
Her son's killers? What about my son's killers?

Fritz Howard:
Sir, this was a courtesy briefing, arranged to demonstrate that we are making progress here.

Congressman Steven Keller:
In the murder of another person's child. I am not interested in hearing some ghetto woman justify her silence. Make her cooperate! Look, just because my son lived like those people doesn't mean he had to die like those people!

Russell Taylor:
Those people?

Congressman Steven Keller:
Oh, come on. You know what I mean. Look, I am sorry if I was misunderstood, but I expect progress, and apparently it's gonna be up to me to get it.

Rusty Beck:
So, a day like today must be, like, why you became a police officer in the first place, right?

Sharon Raydor:
Well, I had no intention of being a police officer. I only took this job so that I could help pay Jack's way through law school, and then Jack was gonna help pay my way through law school. Hmm, hmm.

Rusty Beck:
And then?

Sharon Raydor:
And then I got pregnant, then I got pregnant again, and then, and then Jack left. And to be entirely honest with you, by then, I liked the law a lot better than I liked the lawyers. And then there's the idea of saving people from bad things. I liked that, too.

Rusty Beck:
Yeah, I know.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Is there a reason why 200 members of the 12th street Rounders were arrested and no one thought to call me?

Louie Provenza:
Yes, because that's not our concern. We're only trying to find a suspect in the murders of Robert Keller and Tyler Rhodes.

Sharon Raydor:
Lieutenant, let's get T-Ray an attorney, and you can jump in with Agent Howard.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Don't you think we're moving a little fast on this deal? These guys may have lots more to tell us.

Sharon Raydor:
We're hearing it, Emma. Just listen.

Buzz Watson:
These guys really killed that 15 year old kid Tyler, just to make an example out of him?

Amy Sykes:
Sounds horrible, I've seen worse.

Rusty Beck:
Where did you see worse?

Amy Sykes:
Kabul. While I was an MP, stands for Military Police. We had interpreters, locals, and they were murdered sometimes for helping us, just to show what would happen to Afghans who supported our troops.

Rusty Beck:
Military Police? Is that how you became a cop?

Amy Sykes:
Police officer, you mean? No, I went ahead and got my undergrad in political science. Turns out chasing bad guys is a lot more fun than arguing about government. Working Homicide, it's clearer who the bad guys are. Couldn't always stop them in Kabul. Here I can. Best job in the world.

Congressman Steven Keller:
Are you threatening me again? Agent Howard, I asked you a question.

Russell Taylor:
He's not threatening you, sir. Agent Howard and I are merely documenting the systematic way you have used your status as a congressman to interfere with an ongoing criminal investigation by the Department of Justice, the FBI, and the LAPD, and it is that information that we are handing over to the House Ethics Committee, sir.

Congressman Steven Keller:
You're documenting my status as a congressman?

Russell Taylor:
Yes.

Congressman Steven Keller:
How about documenting my status as the father of a murder victim, whose son was gunned down in his own living room? How about documenting the way that law enforcement officers left innocent people in danger while refusing to arrest known criminals? And my rage, are you documenting that? Because every second that goes by without an arrest, I am only getting angrier and angrier.

Mike Tao:
And you should know by now, how seriously we look after our witnesses.

Rusty Beck:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's kind of weird how much trouble you guys go to, to protect people you don't even know. What made you want to do that?

Mike Tao:
Me, personally?

Rusty Beck:
Yeah.

Mike Tao:
I started out in med school. You know, make my folks happy. I thought I'd work in an ER, but the more I learned about being a doctor, the more it seemed about paperwork and liability insurance. Physicians spend a lot of time covering their butts. We spend a lot of time covering each other, and I like it better that way.

Rusty Beck:
The... The approval papers. Sharon just signed them.

Buzz Watson:
Well, congratulations. You didn't screw it up.

Rusty Beck:
Well, maybe this is how I get my start. Although I can't imagine ever working here for a living. [pause] Hey, you know, I talked to everyone else about it, but I never got to you. I mean, you're a part of the squad, right?

Buzz Watson:
Uh, yeah.

Rusty Beck:
Well, so, what made you decide to work here?

Buzz Watson:
When I was 11 years old, my father and uncle were leaving a Kings game, stopped at an ATM on the way home, and were both robbed and shot to death.

Rusty Beck:
Oh, my God. Buzz, I... I am so sorry.

Buzz Watson:
Yeah. So I thought, like Julio, I'd join the academy, became a detective one day, track down the killers myself. But my mother was terrified something would happen to me and then there'd be no one left to take care of her. So I got my film degree instead. Now here I am, directing an important movie every day of the week, helping rescue those we can. Maybe rescuing ourselves a little, if we're totally honest about it.

Rusty Beck:
Yeah, I might be doing that. Huh. Rescuing myself.

Buzz Watson:
Well, that's what we're all hoping.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Javier's attorney says, he was having breakfast with you this morning and to keep things professional. I hate to ask this, but are you sleeping with this man?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Of course not. He's my husband. I mean, uh, well, he's not living with me right now. Well, he's staying with me on the couch 'till he finds to live. Why?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
The defendant's lawyer is your husband. The material witness in another murder is your so-called son. Is the judge gonna be your brother?

Jackson Raydor:
So what you're telling me is, he needs a court-appointed attorney.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Yes. And the earliest I can get one is tomorrow unless I take you by a judge this morning...

Jackson Raydor:
I'm in. I'm in.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
You don't even know the details yet.

Jackson Raydor:
Yeah, but from the sounds of things, you don't either. Uh, I can get all the essential information from my client. I need to change now. And I need to grab my suit that's hanging up in Rusty's closet. I got to go. Got to select a tie. Oh. And thanks, Sharon, I appreciate it. I really do.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Mm, normally I'd throw him back in prison. But old Speedy might have seen something useful last night.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Oh, God. Don't you just love gang cases?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
I don't think this is gangs.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Why? The vehicle was found in gang territory with a gang weapon in the back seat.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Nobody would have left the car on the street like that...

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
I'm not finished. Speedy and his Third Streeters, they think it was gangs. It was a drive-by. Plus, I...

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Plus, you need to watch your mouth.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Excuse me?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Did you grow up sleeping on the floor every night so you wouldn't get hit by gunfire? Anyone in your family shot dead on the street? You spend 15 years of your career hunting these guys? It's not gangs! All right? And stop talking to me like I'm your waiter. [gets out of the room]

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Wow. Does he always get that... that hostile?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Mm, hmm. Actually, Emma, I think what he was trying to say, in his own way, was don't be so damn rude. Excuse me. [gets out of the room]

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
I wasn't rude. I was...

Buzz Watson:
Obnoxious? Dismissive?

Lt. Mike Tao:
So, what's your theory of the crime?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
If you're so much closer in your walk with God, why did you tell the detectives who arrested you this morning that you were on Orchard Street looking for doughnuts?

Jackson Raydor:
Uh, uh, don't answer that question. That question is not on the list you gave me.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
You're telling us that we can't ask a question about doughnuts.

Jackson Raydor:
Yes, I'm telling you that.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Oh, all right, Jack. But Javier, can't use his faith to avoid answering our questions.

Jackson Raydor:
Ah, ah. There are no questions about faith on the list you gave me. Let's, um, try to keep it professional here, okay?

Jackson Raydor:
You don't even have this missing girl's body yet. [others look each other] What?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
How do you know we don't have her body yet? Did Javier tell you that, Jack?

Jackson Raydor:
I know it because you haven't arrested Javier for murder. And that would be pretty hard to do, seeing as how you would have to provide the victim's body and the cause of death.

Jackson Raydor:
Where are you going, Sharon? Why is everyone leaving? Hey! Hey! Sharon! You cannot question my client without my permission. If you think I'm gonna let you run roughshod over the law because of our relationship, you're in for a big surprise.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
You are the one who takes this relationship for granted, Jack. As you're about to see.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Excuse me, Javier. Sorry to keep you waiting.

Jackson Raydor:
Javier, don't answer her questions. You cannot interrogate my client without violating his Miranda rights!

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Detective? If Jack interrupts me again, would you please have him removed?

Jackson Raydor:
What?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Javier, you cannot say anything because the charges against you have changed. We're no longer holding you for parole violations. We're arresting you as a suspect in the murder of Melissa Orr.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
To avoid ethical conflicts, you need to know that I'm the officer in charge of this investigation. And your attorney is my husband. And I would think very seriously about having an attorney who's related by marriage...

Jackson Raydor:
What? Sharon.

Javier 'Speedy' Reyes:
You're fired! I mean it ! You're fired! Get out!

Jackson Raydor:
Javier, you are making a big mistake.

Javier 'Speedy' Reyes:
I trusted you.

Jackson Raydor:
I... You can trust me. I have your best interest at heart!

Javier 'Speedy' Reyes:
Just leave! Get out, man, you're fired! Leave!

Jackson Raydor:
Please.

Javier 'Speedy' Reyes:
Leave me alone.

Jackson Raydor:
You...

Javier 'Speedy' Reyes:
Get out!

Jackson Raydor:
Please.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Now he has no attorney at all. How do we talk to him?

Lt. Mike Tao:
Give us a moment. There's a ritual involved with suspects like this. And we need to follow it.

Jackson Raydor:
I want to see that video of Javier's interrogation before I leave here. I won't let you trample that man's civil rights in order for you to get what you need.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Sit. Wait. We'll get back to you after we've burned the Constitution. Like you really care.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
No questions.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Right. Javier, we're not allowed to interview you, but there're two things that you should know. First, we're about to search your neighborhood for all the places that you could have buried Melissa Orr, paying special attention to your former addresses and the homes of family members. And secondly, whatever your relationship with Browning used to be, he doesn't like you anymore. It's gonna take days for the courts to find someone to defend you, since this is a death penalty case.

Javier 'Speedy' Reyes:
Death? But can you help me?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Not if you invoke your rights.

Javier 'Speedy' Reyes:
But what if I gave up my rights?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Well, if you cooperate now, the DA has already agreed to give you a deal for second-degree murder. 17-to-life. So you have a parole date.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Of course, if you didn't kill Melissa, then, you're okay.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
And maybe you don't care about doing what's right. Well, maybe your relationship with Christ was like a joke that you played to get out of prison.

Javier 'Speedy' Reyes:
It's not a joke. Christ is the only thing that matters in my life. The Bible says it. Look it up.

Fritz Howard:
This is the 16th time Stroh's been transported from county to Judge Schaeffer's chambers. And you're risking something terrible. Each time.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
I can't help it. He fired his attorney and he's representing himself. And the deal my boss offered forces me to give him unlimited access to files from his former legal practice to review with the special master.

Fritz Howard:
The special master. To see where he can violate privilege and where he can't I know that. But how long is this gonna go on? Is he just trying to play out the clock... or are you actually getting information that could solve open cases?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
There was one thing about a possible child molester, but it didn't pan out.

Fritz Howard:
But Stroh's ready to confess and make his statement of facts.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
In exchange for information leading to the arrest and conviction of rapists and murderers, which he has failed to provide.

Fritz Howard:
But if you wanted, you could determine his communications valuable enough to give him life today... and end this whole process.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
In this whole process... Phillip Stroh raped and murdered at least five women, and I can prove it. My opinion... he is too dangerous to be anywhere but on death row inside a maximum-security prison. And that is where I intend to put him unless he gives up something actionable. Excuse me, Chief Howard.

Phillip Stroh:
Which letter is stuck today?

Judge Stephen Schaeffer:
The S and the D, both.

Phillip Stroh:
I'll need the compressed air, please. [Judge Schaeffer gives a compressed air duster to Stroh]

Judge Stephen Schaeffer:
I know DDA Rios is pretty, but you don't have to creep her out.

Phillip Stroh:
[cleaning behind Mac's keyboard with compressed air] Why should I be any nicer to her than she is to me?... Here you go.

Judge Stephen Schaeffer:
[tries the keys] Oh, great, thanks.

Phillip Stroh:
[drops the pen] Sorry.

Judge Stephen Schaeffer:
Every time. I think you drop that pen just to make me pick it up for you.

Phillip Stroh:
It's the most fun I have all day.

Louie Provenza:
As a general rule, Emma, when a psychopath tells you that someone is going to die, pick up a phone.

Louie Provenza:
Why are we waiting out here? The clock is ticking, people. [whirring saw sounds from the autopsy room] Oh, well, um, anything else?

Dr. Morales:
All right, the room is now safe for the faint of heart.

Amy Sykes:
Okay.

Louie Provenza:
Oh, God... It takes a special kind of a**hole to do this. [picks up the cover] Oh, God. Morales, where are her hands?

Dr. Morales:
I cut them off and put them in the rehydrating solution. I've had some success identifying burn victims this way before, but it takes time and... usually a little bit more skin.

Andy Flynn:
We'll cross our fingers.

Phillip Stroh:
Give me what I want, in writing. In return, you'll receive a chance to arrest a murderer. An opportunity that... won't come around again for a while.

Sharon Raydor:
"Won't come around again"? What's that supposed to mean? How did you know what would happen to our victim?

Phillip Stroh:
The question is, how could you not?... Oh... Perhaps I've said too much. That should give you something to think about, anyway.

Amy Sykes:
My God. He's already got his second victim.

Louie Provenza:
Yes. And our pimp is already screaming "lawyer," several times. Damn it. How many deals are we gonna have to make before this is done?

Sharon Raydor:
Do not try and do our job for us. Don't ask questions. Don't try and engage in dialogue about this case. If you feel concerned for your safety, you walk out the room. Stroh is really smart. He will try to manipulate you. He will try to make you feel small and unimportant. Do not let him talk you into crossing over to his side of the room. We will all be watching you from Electronics. [Stroh comes into the interview room] Look at me. When you are ready.

Phillip Stroh:
Rusty Beck. Please take a seat.

Rusty Beck:
I'm fine here, thanks. What do you wanna know?

Phillip Stroh:
Just the basics. For example, if we end up in court... do you intend to repeat your pretrial testimony against me?

Rusty Beck:
Yeah. Every word.

Phillip Stroh:
Even knowing your statement could help the state execute me?

Rusty Beck:
No one gets executed in California anymore. Actually, in the last 10 years, you've killed more people than the state has. And you tried to kill me.

Phillip Stroh:
Well, it was never personal, Rusty. I mean, who wants to leave witnesses behind? You're living proof of how dangerous that can be, right? [Rusty steps back as Stroh moves his body forward] Relax, okay? I am incapable of reaching you from here. So, moving on, I understand Emma Rios has asked you for an Impact Statement.

Rusty Beck:
Yeah, what about it?

Phillip Stroh:
I was just wondering if in addition to the dustups we've had, you might wanna include some of the positive effects I've had on your life.

Rusty Beck:
Positive effects?

Phillip Stroh:
By becoming a material witness for the state, you were taken off the streets, and out of a life of prostitution, an incredibly unsafe profession. You gained a mother, got a high school degree. You think anybody here would have given a sh*t about you if not for me?

Rusty Beck:
Okay, and what about the interest Wade Weller took in me?

Phillip Stroh:
Who?

Rusty Beck:
Oh, don't act like you don't know his name. Wade Weller. The freak who you had write me threatening letters and who you ordered to kill me, okay? That Wade Weller. You think I should change my Impact Statement because you changed my life? Well, get this from me, okay? If anyone in this room changed someone's else life, I changed yours, okay? I changed yours.

Phillip Stroh:
Oh, and I never forget it, Rusty. But to be completely fair, to be completely honest, we changed each other's lives. As we were fated to do. And we will have the power to change each other again.

Rusty Beck:
Change each other how?

Phillip Stroh:
I don't know. I can't see that far ahead. But our lives have been intertwined. Yours and mine. A pattern has begun to emerge, wouldn't you say? And that pattern is destiny. And when you finally see destiny, Rusty, in all her glory, destiny is like an arrow... pointing toward the end.

Rusty Beck:
What end? The end of what?

Phillip Stroh:
Heaven knows... I'm satisfied with the witness.

Rusty Beck:
Wait, wait, wait. What end? What are you talking about?

Phillip Stroh:
I'm satisfied with the witness. Get me the written parts of my deal to Judge Schaeffer, I'll give you the name of the killer. [Rusty rushes out]

[last lines]

Louie Provenza:
Well, we're getting warmer.

Sharon Raydor:
Lieutenant, you don't really believe that Phillip Stroh predicted three murders.

Louie Provenza:
Well, of course not. He was in communication with someone, somehow.

Sharon Raydor:
But he wasn't. All he had were the books he was reading.

Louie Provenza:
You don't think Phillip Stroh has found God?

Sharon Raydor:
No, Lieutenant. I think he's found Mars.

Rusty Beck:
I just thought maybe that joining SWAT would make it harder for Stroh to get at me.

Louie Provenza:
Son, son, listen. No, no, no. If you join SWAT because of Stroh, you are giving him a say in your destiny. Look, if you wanna spend your days looking over your shoulder, afraid wondering when the blow will fall, you can just wait till you get married.

Phillip Stroh:
[drops the pen] Oh, I'm sorry.

Judge Stephen Schaeffer:
Every damn time.

Phillip Stroh:
It won't happen again.

Ann McGinnis:
But look how well Stroh planed this. You think we're gonna catch him on a plane or the subway?

Sharon Raydor:
Stroh is a manhunt, chief. Burning Man is a rescue. We still have a young woman's life to save.

Gloria Lim:
Captain Raydor is right.

Ann McGinnis:
You all remember my shadow. Deputy City Attorney Lim, here to sort out our response. Am I wrong, or did you agree with the captain?

Gloria Lim:
I did. The L.A.P.D. is not responsible for the judge's murder or for Stroh's escape, which happened when he was in custody at the county. Stroh is a problem for the Sheriff's office, not us. And every resource that we shift from Burning Man to Stroh increases the city's liability...

Fritz Howard:
Next person Stroh kills isn't gonna care about liability.

Gloria Lim:
I'm just trying to help you prioritize your investigation.

Russell Taylor:
But how do we pursue Burning Man? We don't even know who he is?

Sharon Raydor:
But we do have a clue. [points the Stroh's message]

Russell Taylor:
"Find Jesus of Nazareth." You can't think that means anything.

Amy Sykes:
It has to, chief. Why else stop to write something on the wall?

Russell Taylor:
And Stroh is really helping us because...?

Amy Sykes:
The second we find out he's not, all our focus goes back to him.

Sharon Raydor:
And that is the deal Stroh really wanted to make. His chance to escape in exchange for Burning Man. And that is the deal we have gotta take here.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Captain, 18 years ago, Stroh represented a juvenile sex-crime suspect, which is why he didn't show up on the LexisNexis search. He was under 18, and his records were sealed. The kid refused to give the arresting officer his legal name and said name was:

Sharon Raydor:
Jesus of Nazareth.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
In keeping with L.A.P.D. policy, he's still listed under the same name he gave during his arrest. Maybe interested to know there are 35 other Jesus of Nazareths in your records as well as 130 Jesus Christs and 400 Elvis Presleys.

Fritz Howard:
If it is Stroh and he is armed, we shoot to kill. Agreed?

Rusty Beck:
Yes, yes. Agree.

Russell Taylor:
Well, he can't get away with a rifle. Surround the mall. And do not let this a**hole escape from us again.

Gloria Lim:
Shooting only if necessary.

Ann McGinnis:
That's up to Stroh, not me.

Julio Sanchez:
You like shooting at cops, huh? Is that it? You like to shoot at cops and kill girls?

Markos Christakis aka Burning Man:
Stop. Stop.

Sharon Raydor:
Lieutenant? What happened to our suspect?

Louie Provenza:
Guy jumped off his roof into an angry Julio. I'll fill you in later.

Louie Provenza:
Okay, Markos. We have a lot of questions for you down the road, but right now, we are interested in one thing and one thing only.

Markos Christakis aka Burning Man:
How many women I killed?

Andy Flynn:
Okay. How many women did you kill?

Markos Christakis aka Burning Man:
Not enough.

Andy Flynn:
Where is Phillip Stroh?

Markos Christakis aka Burning Man:
Phillip? He's not in jail?

Louie Provenza:
At the moment, no.

Markos Christakis aka Burning Man:
I haven't seen Phillip since I was 20. Of course, he would call from time to time to congratulate me and encourage my great work, the work of gods. I am a god. You know that, right? I am Mars come to life.

Louie Provenza:
Obviously. But even gods can be betrayed. Stroh betrayed you. He helped us. Stroh is how we caught you.

Andy Flynn:
And if you could tell us where Stroh is right now, and if you have any idea what he's up to, we could make things easier for you.

Markos Christakis aka Burning Man:
I'm sorry. Phillip was nothing more than an advisor, really. I can only assume he did what he told me to do.

Andy Flynn:
And what was that?

Markos Christakis aka Burning Man:
To prepare for my escape long before I needed one. [voiceover] To have plenty of cash hidden somewhere safe, another identity, weapons. Oh, and most important... never leave a witness. Never, ever leave a witness.

[last lines]

Driver:
Dr. Tom?

Phillip Stroh:
Yes, that's me.

Driver:
And you want to go to the Salton Sea?

Phillip Stroh:
As a first step, yes. But if you can wait, take me to my next stop, that would be lovely. Good?

Driver:
So where else will you be going?

Phillip Stroh:
Oh, not far. Maybe just Palm Springs. Desert is perfect for me this time of year.

Driver:
Well, I will get you there, doctor. I will get you there.

Phillip Stroh:
That's what I love about Uber. You guys are always so reliable.

Rusty Beck:
I'll just stay out of your way.

Ricky Raydor:
Thanks. Sorry to invade your space. Turnabout is fair play, right?

Sharon Raydor:
May I ask, have you, by any chance, been talking with your father about this?

Ricky Raydor:
Yeah, we talked a few times. I mean, he's worried about you. Mom, I'm worried about you, I am. Look, helping the kid a little bit, that's great, but to make him legally your son... I just... I think we need to take a giant step back here and just reeva...

Sharon Raydor:
Hold on, hold on. Before we go back, I should clear up a big misunderstanding that you have.

Ricky Raydor:
Okay.

Sharon Raydor:
I'm not asking your permission to adopt Rusty. Or Emily's permission. I see great things in this boy and I mean that from the bottom of my ever-so-lonely heart.

Ricky Raydor:
Come on, Mom, you know that I did not mean loneliness as a criticism. I was only pointing out the fact...

Sharon Raydor:
It's clear what you're pointing out. Now I'm pointing out to you... if you don't develop a little human compassion for this young man who grew up with none of the advantages you took for granted every day of your life, then I'm gonna leave here wondering where I went wrong... as a mother.

Ricky Raydor:
Mom. Mom, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on. Look, I'm... I'm gonna have children one day. So is Emily. Do you really want your grandkids calling that boy Uncle Rusty?

Sharon Raydor:
That is a whole lot better than what I'm thinking of calling you now.

Ricky Raydor:
Mom.

Sharon Raydor:
Richard William Raydor, you listen to me and you listen to me good. You've got one chance to get this right. You need to turn your attitude around... right this minute. Because if you make Rusty feel unwelcome in this family after all of his and my hard work, I will be just so... disappointed. Oh, my God. I am so disappointed in you right now, I don't even know what to say. [leaves the room]

Keith Price:
I looked away from my laptop for one minute.

Andy Flynn:
Yeah? Well, you looked away from your son too. It's getting to be a bad habit for you.

Buzz Watson:
What will happen to the boy?

Louie Provenza:
He can't just walk away. He endangered lives.

Fritz Howard:
He shouldn't spend the next 10 years in prison just for trying to protect a parent.

Sharon Raydor:
His impulse was right. It's the way he acted on it that requires the response.

Louie Provenza:
Bad impulse control. That's what keeps us all in business. Welcome to the L.A.P.D., soon-to-be Deputy Chief Howard. Welcome to the L.A.P.D.

Ricky Raydor:
Okay... funny guy... I have one question for you... before you officially become the little brother I never wanted. I'm interested in what your idea of family is. And what the word means to you. "Family."

Rusty Beck:
Well... I guess... it means the people in your life who you've decided... to love no matter what. And... the people who are going to love you back... no matter what.

Sharon Raydor:
Sounds pretty good to me, loving each other no matter what.

Ricky Raydor:
Not bad.

Julio Sanchez:
[passing a paper] Last one. And thanks for your help. Maybe an ex-FBI guy can work out over here after all.

Fritz Howard:
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Julio... I'm gonna say goodnight to Mike.

[last lines]

Mike Tao:
Per your instructions, I've done a complete data dump.

Fritz Howard:
Hey, Mike? Could you do me favor?... And keep what I'm about to tell you in complete confidence?

Mike Tao:
Sure.

Fritz Howard:
Even Brenda can't know this, all right?... No kidding around. I gotta know I can trust you.

Mike Tao:
Of course you can.

Fritz Howard:
I'm taking the back exit. I need you to... meet me downstairs with two aspirin and a bottle of water. And then I need to drive me to the hospital.

Mike Tao:
Wait, can you tell me what's going on.

Fritz Howard:
I'm having a heart attack. Meet me out front and take me to the ER at St. Luke's.

Mike Tao:
Holy crap... Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy...

Lt. Louie Provenza:
And we are hearing the D.A.'s version of events already because?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Does the name Trayvon Martin mean anything to you? I'm sorry Lieutenant. If the LAPD isn't gonna get ahead of the race issue, then the D.A.'s office will.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Ah, well, thanks for bringing politics into the situation. We police officers sometimes get confused by trying to solve the murder.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Lieutenant Provenza, it might be wise for you to talk to the press and straighten things out.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
I'm working a murder, not a political sideshow.

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
If you're busy, what about Detective Sanchez, then?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Good luck.

Rebecca Slater:
Um... and my husband and I both appreciate the personal sacrifice that you've made to give Rusty a home. It's quite , quite admirable... Excuse me.

Detective Amy Sykes:
Thank you.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Oh, I'm sure she means well.

Assistant Chief Taylor:
Unbelievable! There's no crime we can charge this guy with.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
So we're just gonna let him walk?

Assistant Chief Taylor:
Well, we can't go around asking people if Frey did horrible things to their kids. We come up short with that, Frey could sue us for destroying his reputation.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
So, let's protect him. Let's put out a press release saying the rumors of molestation are groundless.

Assistant Chief Taylor:
Wait, wait, hold on. What rumors? There are no rumors.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
You want our media friends to have an alternative to the story about race, right?

Assistant Chief Taylor:
Would telling reporters that we are trying to head off rumors of child molestation protect us from liability issues?

D.D.A. Emma Rios:
Yes, but I don't see how that would help us with this case.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Not only will it help, but if Frey is the man we think he is, a story saying we've cleared him of sexually assaulting a minor might be our only chance of putting him away.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Hey, Captain. Sorry to bother you. I was just wondering my daughter's wedding is... well, it's in three hours, actually, and, uh...

Captain Sharon Raydor:
You decided to go.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Yeah. Even though most of the people there hate me. Yeah, I, uh... I think it's... I think it's the right decision.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Could you use a buffer? Lieutenant Provenza has volunteered to take Rusty out for burgers, and um, I like weddings.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Really? You're sure? Oh, uh, well... Well, how would I introduce you?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
How about as your friend Sharon?

Lt. Andy Flynn:
So... so it's not like a date or anything?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Of course not, Lieutenant. I'm a married woman.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Oh, well, thank you, Captain, I mean, Sharon. Uh, I owe you one.

Albert Torres:
Do you see that? Do you see that? That's accountability. I held him accountable.

Lt. Mike Tao:
Mr. Torres, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say...

Albert Torres:
For you, Matty.

Lt. Mike Tao:
...will be used against you in a court of law.

Albert Torres:
I did this for you!

Lt. Mike Tao:
You have the right to an attorney.

Albert Torres:
For you, Matty!

Lt. Mike Tao:
If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you by the state.

Rusty Beck:
I shouldn't be going to this school. I'm not even Catholic.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Just walk around with a guilty expression on your face, you'll fit right in.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Fine. Just... just tell me how I did.

Rangemaster R. Morton:
It's DNQ.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Did not qualify? No, no, no, no! Just hold on one second. I've been shooting here every week for almost the last three months. If I don't qualify by next Friday, I'll be at a desk job for the rest of my career.

Rangemaster R. Morton:
And?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
And look at that one there... right there. I mean, that bullet hole is on the line. [chuckles] It's on the line.

Rangemaster R. Morton:
[stamps "DNQ"] If you end up in a dangerous situation where you're required to be proficient with your firearm, other people could die. You still have four days to get this right. Come back tomorrow.

Detective Amy Sykes:
Welcome to Lost Horizon, also known as the land that time forgot.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Hope we get in and out before the place falls down.

Buzz Watson:
If I close my eyes, I can hear the bulldozers.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Hey, just because something's old doesn't mean it's not serving a good purpose.

Howard Gray:
Well, I'm guessing you want to get into Ed's apartment.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Yes. Yes, we do. Uh, is the manager of Lost Horizon around?

Clayton Carter:
We call it Shangri-La.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Mm, hm.

Clayton Carter:
"La Shangri-La" if we're feeling festive.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Where were you the night Ed Dagby supposedly committed suicide?

Agent Mark Evans:
Out with friends. It was a special night... Wait. Wait a minute. You really think I had something to do... "Supposedly committed suicide?" What does that... what's that mean?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
We're thinking that Dagby's death was more of a murder.

Agent Mark Evans:
Oh... All right, okay, look, um... Ed needs to have committed suicide.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Oh, boy.

Agent Mark Evans:
He was found in his apartment with the gas turned on, right? I mean, how is that not a suicide?

Detective Julio Sanchez:
He was dead before the oven was turned on.

Agent Mark Evans:
Uh... oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You see, uh... I'm gonna be totally honest here. If you'd known Ed Dagby, you would realize that killing himself was the only decent thing he had done in his whole life. I mean, the coroner said he thought it was a suicide. Can't we just stick with that?

Detective Amy Sykes:
Is he kidding?

Lt. Louie Provenza:
No, he's hiding something. And we probably need to find out what it is.

Lt. Mike Tao:
Okay, on "Action," Scarface will come out onto the balcony. Ready... Set... and action!

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Well, Vera, who do see?

Vera Walker:
Oh, it's that little Mexican fella.

Pauline Allen:
Vera, you said the wrong thing.

Vera Walker:
Oh...

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Yes, you did, Vera. It's not "Mexican." It's "Latino."... Latino... My God, these glasses.

Lt. Mike Tao:
Cut!... Check the gate!

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Ladies and gentlemen, you are all under arrest for murder one.

Judge Craig Richwood:
Mr. Gray, what do you and your clients have to say?

Larry Murdock:
...Oh. Larry Murdoch. Excuse me, your honor. I'm a retired teamster, and I, uh, I cut the brake lines on the bastard's car. Just a little backup plan. No harm done.

Pauline Allen:
I'm Pauline Allen, and I would like to confess that I greased the very top step on which Ed untimely slipped. And I helped with the brownies.

Clayton Carter:
Me, too. Clayton Carter. I shopped for the almond milk and the peanut oil. And putting the Frangelica in the icing was entirely my idea. A flourish.

Vera Walker:
Vera Walker. I made the brownies, and I put them out by the nachos for our weekly taco night. And no one else was hurt by them at all. And I have two more batches in the freezer. So, if you'd like to try one yourself... No?... Okay.

Howard Gray:
I'm Howard Gray, and, uh... [clears throat] Ed helped himself to our buffet without asking and walked off with two brownies. We waited while he went upstairs to eat, and then after he choked to death on his own rudeness and his cries for help kind of petered out, I propped him up in one of those kitchen chairs and turned on the gas and called 911. And we're very sorry, your honor, and we promise never to let someone kill themselves again.

Judge Craig Richwood:
I see. Well, taking into account the 378 collective years the five of you have spent on the planet with no priors and the fact that not a single one of you can actually be charged with murder, I accept the plea of manslaughter and agree in principle to two years of house arrest for each of the five defendants, followed by nine years of probation.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Read it and weep.

Rangemaster R. Morton:
Don't see many of these. Perfect target, Lieutenant. [stamps "QUALIFY"]

Captain Sharon Raydor:
The law is not about right or wrong. It's about resolving conflicts in a civilized manner. If we want the justice system to work we have to stand beside it when it doesn't go our way.

Jeff Berrier:
Hey, Lieutenant Mike!

Mike Tao:
Hey, Jeff. Welcome to the real L.A.P.D.

Jeff Berrier:
Ah, thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, Beckin's described this place to me so well, I could probably move around it with my eyes closed. Uh, oh, I got my camera. Is it okay if I take photographs?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Yeah, if you let me review them before you leave. Right, Beckin?

Rusty Beck:
Oh, oh, that's my nickname at work.

Jeff Berrier:
Well, it's "Beck and call" because he's there when we need him. He's got a great work ethic, he, uh, never complains, he's always upbeat. Positive, positive, positive. We love it.

Jackson Raydor:
Ah, Rusty Beck. The L.A.P.D.'s very own Oliver Twist.

Rusty Beck:
And a "Merry Christmas" to you too, Mr. Scrooge.

Jeff Berrier:
Who was that?

Rusty Beck:
Oh, uh, that's my mom's ex-husband.

Jeff Berrier:
Oh, she was married to someone else before she met your father?

Rusty Beck:
The short answer to that is yes.

Jackson Raydor:
Thank you. Uh, Sharon, um... since I am cooperating and the kids are coming home for the holidays next week, I thought it might be nice if you ask Emily to bunk with me.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
If you would like to speak with Emily, call her yourself.

Louie Provenza:
You understand that it's days like this that make detectives wanna just give up, right? Eventually, it becomes clear: You're just pushing the rock up the hill so it can roll back down over your heart and crush your life's work.

Louie Provenza:
You know that this is going to make your ex-husband... mad as hell?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
I hope so, lieutenant. That's when he makes his worst mistakes.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Thank you for coming in. We appreciate your time.

Ed Winslow:
Oh, it's the least I could do. I mean, seriously.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Mr. Winslow, did you just say "I mean, seriously"?

Ed Winslow:
How many lives were you prepared to let Luis Navarro ruin before you finally put him where he belonged?

Andy Flynn:
[sees "Application for Retirement" form on his desk] What is this? Some kind of a joke?

Louie Provenza:
Heh, you... you didn't print up a retirement application?

Mike Tao:
Oh, that's mine. Forgot all about it. And it's not about retiring, it's about the deferred pension program. My business manager wants to check it out. [chuckles]

Julio Sanchez:
Deferred pension?

Buzz Watson:
What is that?

Mike Tao:
Ideally, you put away more money from your paycheck, so you can save it tax-free until you retire.

Amy Sykes:
You have a business manager?

Mike Tao:
He deals mainly with my consulting fees from "Badge of Justice".

Andy Flynn:
Oh, my God, how much do you make on the show anyway?

Mike Tao:
Well, my business manager said I shouldn't talk about it.

Louie Provenza:
Wait, wait, wait, so you're not thinking about calling it quits?

Andy Flynn:
Of course I think about it. Every day. But the truth is... I've given up so much of my life for this job including a decent relationship with my children and most of my faith in the human race that there's... no place else on earth that I fit in.

Louie Provenza:
Now, that's the right attitude.

Gloria Lim:
Hello, Chief Taylor and... everyone. Deputy City Attorney Gloria Lim here. Um, the L.A.P.D. is tracking a violent offender and Detective Julio Sanchez fired his weapon last week. Lieutenant Provenza killed a suspect during this calendar year. If they shoot anyone else, it could be problematic. My boss was wondering, since SWAT was first on the scene, if this investigation could be handled by them.

Sharon Raydor:
Miss Lim, SWAT is a tactical element. Doesn't investigate kidnappings or homicides. Major Crimes does that, and right now we are looking for two children under the age of 10, abducted by a murderer and I suggest that you come back once we've found them.

Gloria Lim:
Doesn't Linda Lanier have a cell phone? Why don't we just call her and ask her where she is and the name of her fianc?.

Mike Tao:
Her phone is off the grid.

Gloria Lim:
Are you treating the mother as a suspect? Because we were told you were checking out sex offenders...

Sharon Raydor:
I take exception to the way we're being interrupted here.

Russell Taylor:
Gloria...

Ann McGinnis:
Allow me, Captain, Chief. I deal with all the city-attorney bullshit on a daily basis now. Gloria, is it? Listen. There was no forced entry at our victims' house. Both were shot in the head at close range. And though we can't rule out sex offenders, it sill means the Laniers were likely murdered by someone they knew. And if it was not an execution, it was probably a domestic dispute, making the mother and her fianc? suspects. And when children get abducted the L.A.P.D. is not legally required to notify parents.

Gloria Lim:
The law may not demand it, but it's still actionable. And mothers do not need to abduct their own kids which, if you had children yourself, you'd understand.

Ann McGinnis:
I'm sorry, what did you just say?

Gloria Lim:
That the reason you're against contacting Linda Lanier is that you don't have children yourself.

Sharon Raydor:
Anymore.

Gloria Lim:
What?

Sharon Raydor:
Commander McGinnis doesn't have children anymore.

Gloria Lim:
Um, I don't understand.

Russell Taylor:
The commander's daughter and husband were killed in a car accident four years ago.

Gloria Lim:
I, um, I thought, I was told [pause] I'm so sorry.

Russell Taylor:
Captain, are you sure we shouldn't inform the media about these kids?

Sharon Raydor:
Chief, if I didn't have to, I wouldn't tell you.

Sharon Raydor:
Here's a job. Take down all the comparison photos from our last homicide. Grab the ones from those boxes there. Alphabetize them by last name. And on the back, write the case number for which they were requested so that we can add all those girls to our database.

Rusty Beck:
There are over a thousand pictures here.

Sharon Raydor:
Yes, I think you're right.

Jamey Perez:
Because only two things that can be done in a situation like this.

Sharon Raydor:
A hostage negotiation or a rescue.

Gloria Lim:
Hostage negotiation, with SWAT.

Ann McGinnis:
Is that based on your vast professional experience? Because I think this is definitely a rescue operation.

Russell Taylor:
While we're evacuating building, why don't we run those options by a behavioral science professional?

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Oh. [pause] I, I came to help the children afterward. If you're gonna profile an adult, maybe someone else...

Jamey Perez:
That's okay, Dr. Joe. Just listen to the two options and then give Miss Lim here your best bet as to which one we should pursue. Commander?

Ann McGinnis:
Do we try and negotiate with this murderer or do we rescue the hostages by taking him by surprise?

Dr. Joe Bowman:
Well, clinically, that's an impossible question to answer. But the suspect had several years in prison to plan what he'd do after release, so we have to believe that murdering his parents and kidnapping children are like parts of that plan. Also, he found someone willing to help him which suggests he's persuasive, organized and determined. And so far, he seems to have done everything he wanted to do... so I'm worried by the absence of an exit strategy.

Ann McGinnis:
That's okay, doctor. As it turns out, I am a specialist in exit strategies.

Louie Provenza:
I say get your snipers ready, commander.

Gloria Lim:
Snipers? Snipers endanger the children's lives.

Sharon Raydor:
We will only be firing non-lethal Arwen rounds through the window to distract him.

Gloria Lim:
Firing them from where? The top floor of your suspect's building is the highest point available.

Ann McGinnis:
No, it isn't.

Russell Taylor:
Hey, how do I look?

Ann McGinnis:
With your mouth open or closed?

Russell Taylor:
Glad to see you're in a better mood, McGinnis.

Louie Provenza:
Uh, Captain, we waited at the hospital till Julio's mother got there, then we left.

Sharon Raydor:
I'm still going. How is he?

Mike Tao:
He's upset.

Sharon Raydor:
From the pain?

Louie Provenza:
No. His mother. She drives him crazy. And he just bought that suit.

Andy Flynn:
Spent a lot of money on it, for him.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
So, uh, Andrews? This TV show that you and Lieutenant Mike write for...

Lt. Mike Tao:
I'm not the writer, I'm the technical advisor.

Jason Andrews:
Right. Uh, Lieutenant Mike is just making sure that we follow rules and regulations and we use police jargon.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
Okay. So what's this show about?

Jason Andrews:
Uh, it's called "Badge of Justice." And it's about a small team of detectives fighting crime and corruption inside the LAPD.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
[pause] What corruption?

Jason Andrews:
Oh, you know, the usual, beating up suspects, planting evidence, taking bribes, racial profiling.

Detective Julio Sanchez:
You have a wife? Huh? I'm going to arrest her. You have a dog? I'm gonna kill it.

Lt. Mike Tao:
[to Jason] He probably doesn't even have a dog.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Hey, hey. Don't bring that.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
This new cleanse can't get too hot.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
It's in an insulated thermos. You can't undo 50 years of treating your body like a science experiment with a cleanse. Do us as a favor. Eat a hot dog.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
Yeah, well, I'm not a quitter.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
"Write about the person in your life who has influenced you the most."

Buzz Watson:
I proofed it. Just read the first line.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Okay. "From the day I finally learned to tie my shoes, the person who has exercised the most influence in my life is me." [pause] Oh.

Rusty Beck:
What? It's true.

Lt. Louie Provenza:
Mrs. Vega, I don't think you understand what we're saying here.

Lt. Andy Flynn:
If your boy goes back to Mexico...

Rosa Vega:
Yes, it's a little sad. But Manuel has made mistakes that he's gonna have to pay for. Look, the answer to your problems is staring you in the face, and we all know it. Hand my son over to the Federales. And let justice be done.

David Ahmed:
You can't do this.

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs:
Can't do what, Ahmed?

David Ahmed:
Send my client back to Mexico. This is the imposition of the death penalty by other means. It is a crime against everything we stand for, and our legal system.

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs:
Let me help you with this. I'm prepared to make a deal. Three counts murder one, life without parole. In exchange, Manuel tells me everything I want to know about his mother's drug operation, or we can give your client a little going-away fiesta. I'll even bring the pi?ata.

David Ahmed:
He'll never talk about his mother.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Oh, yes, he will.

David Ahmed:
Or what?

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs:
Or what's about to happen to Mrs. Vega will happen to him.

Captain Sharon Raydor:
We ran her prints. Your client's mother is wanted by Mexico as well. But before she goes, perhaps she'll provide her son with a good example for once.

Rosa Vega:
[screams] No! No! You can't do this!

Rusty Beck:
"As my mother drifted further and further away under the influence of crack and finally disappeared, in a curious contradiction of our circumstances, her affect on the choices I make has only increased. I sometimes wonder why she cannot choose me over using drugs, but I will never wonder if I will do that to other people. And I won't run away from problems again, no matter how threatening they may seem. These are the lessons my mother taught me, even as she failed to learn them herself."

Captain Sharon Raydor:
That was very good. Very you.

Rusty Beck:
For better or for worse?

Captain Sharon Raydor:
Oh, for better. Very, very much better.

Ted King Sr.:
[first lines, on video ad] At Ted King Auto Sales, we want you to command your price!

Ted King Jr.:
Don't miss our Year End Blowout Sale where we will put you in a new used car! And remember, at Ted King Auto Sales, our family gives yours...

Ted King Sr., Ted King Jr.:
the Royal treatment! [fanfare]

Ted King Jr.:
People don't want the royal treatment anymore, Dad. Selling cars is not the relationship-based business it used to be. Half of our customers don't even live in LA County.

Ray Winters:
I think what Little Ted is trying to say is that the industry is changing.

Lt. Reed:
Here's what we know. A vehicle exploded at 11:34 hours. The blast pattern indicates an inciting reaction with extremely high deflagration. [Provenza shows puzzled look]

Mike Tao:
He means it was definitely a bomb.

Lt. Reed:
And in mapping the geography of the debris field back to the blast point, the device was likely anterior to the fuel tank, piggybacked on to the solenoid.

Mike Tao:
The bomb had a trigger.

Louie Provenza:
Well, where is the trigger?

Lt. Reed:
We haven't been able to fully access the evidence.

Mike Tao:
They haven't found the trigger.

Rusty Beck:
And I've already spent a lot of time, like, blending in with crowds and staying alert. Isn't that what undercover is all about?

Amy Sykes:
You're not going undercover. You're gonna be in plain sight all the time. [Rusty gets into the car] But that's only if you can demonstrate your training, and you're not doing that.

Rusty Beck:
[laughs] What? You're criticizing me already. Amy, I just got in the car.

Amy Sykes:
Without checking the backseat of your vehicle for an assailant, which you've been told a thousand times to do.

Rusty Beck:
Oh, my God. I have been in the car for like two seconds.

Amy Sykes:
If you screw up the drive tomorrow, and not checking the backseat first is screwing up the drive, this whole operation to draw out the person writing you threatening letters will be called off. And if you don't want that to happen, you need to spend the rest of the day doing exactly what I tell you.

Lt. Chuck Cooper:
So this is our Number One for tomorrow, right?

Rusty Beck:
What?

Amy Sykes:
During the operation, your radio call name will be Number One.

Rusty Beck:
Oh. Beats being called number two.

Lt. Chuck Cooper:
Oh, you're very funny, Mr. Jump Street.

Rusty Beck:
Yeah, all I meant was that...

Lt. Chuck Cooper:
Oh, very funny. Now, sit down. Impress me. I want to be impressed because there's no way I'm putting some kid on the street unless I know he's going to cooperate with me 1,000 percent. You got that, Jump Street? I want to be impressed.

Lt. Reed:
Rather than drive through the streets, towing an incendiary device on the back of our vehicle, we'll perform a forced detonation in the containment truck.

Mike Tao:
He means we're blowing up the bomb.

Louie Provenza:
All right, Flynn. When is a bomb not just a bomb?

Andy Flynn:
When it's a smoking gun.

Sharon Beck:
Do you think there's any way you could come up with $500 somehow?

Rusty Beck:
Where do you think I'm supposed to get $500, Mom?

Sharon Beck:
I'm... Do you... Well, do you still do that work you did on the side... when I was away? I wouldn't judge you if you did.

Fritz Howard:
I make one call to immigration about arresting Mr. Tariiji for felony sex crimes and you're in detention until your trial. Your little club for teenage girls closes. We freeze all your assets. Now, I'm wondering how your overseas bosses will react to all of that.

Sharon Raydor:
What did this man look like?

Mr. Tariiji:
White. Thirty, 35.

Louie Provenza:
Thirty, 35? That could be anyone.

Buzz Watson:
Not you.

Dr. Morales:
May I weigh in? Because there are odd things to discuss that might help you.

Sharon Raydor:
For example?

Dr. Morales:
For example, there's no sign of sexual abuse, which is unexpected considering the girl wasn't held for ransom. And then there's dog hair all over her clothes from several different breeds. That's weird. And she appears to have been on some strange liquid diet for several days. And her stomach contents had dissolved bicarbonate of soda creatine and a specific formula of electrolytes. And when I put all that into our search engine, it came back as a recipe for "milk shaking" a horse.

Louie Provenza:
You're sure you want to see this?

Rusty Beck:
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I have to see it.

Louie Provenza:
Well, it wasn't just vitamins and energy bars. In her purse, your mother also had two dresses and a pair of shoes she had liberated from a department store. Plus a little meth.

Rusty Beck:
I don't get it. Why does she keep using drugs?

Louie Provenza:
We can't know the answer to that. But you listen to me, son. Her drug use has nothing to do with you.

Mike Tao:
Our lab found A-C-E-P-R-O-M-A-Z-I-N-E, Acepromazine, also called ACE or ACP, is used to sedate horses before surgery.

Mike Tao:
Wait, one second! The girl on the gurney, she was at the club the same night Kate Sherman was abducted.

Louie Provenza:
What?

Ann McGinnis:
You know, she doesn't look much like the other girls who went missing.

Mike Tao:
Or like she was on a liquid diet.

[last lines]

Sharon Raydor:
I talked with the district attorney involved, and I've arranged a plea agreement for you.

Sharon Beck:
Thank God. Am I going back to rehab?

Sharon Raydor:
No, no. I'm afraid that ship has sailed. However, in exchange for overlooking your probation violation, we have arranged for you to serve the full year of your shoplifting charge here at county. Or more precisely, 364 days, every one of which you will have to be sober.

Sharon Beck:
That's not a deal.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, it is... If you don't remain sober, or if you violate the statutes of prisoner conduct, I'll personally see to it that the six-year tail on your sentence is carried out to the letter in an upstate prison.

Sharon Beck:
Are you kidding me? Because I don't deserve this kind of treatment at all.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, I agree. Unfortunately, anything more I could do to you would require a trial. But I will make sure that you are drug tested on a random basis. I will have your cell searched regularly.

Sharon Beck:
Anything else?

Sharon Raydor:
I will have confidential informants report to me on your behavior. And this I promise you, one slip, one tiny step off the straight and narrow, to the left or the right, and you will automatically add six years to your sentence.

Sharon Beck:
Wha...? Why are...? You are mad at me for some reason. I get it. I don't know why.

Sharon Raydor:
That's the problem.

Sharon Beck:
[pause] What about for Rusty's sake? You know, what about for the sake of my little boy?

Sharon Raydor:
This is for Rusty's sake, it is.

Sharon Beck:
You think you know me? Is that it? And you think you know my son? And you think you can just have me boxed up and out of the way? Lady, let me tell you something. You just made a really big mistake.

Sharon Raydor:
I made a mistake?

Sharon Beck:
Yes, you did.

Sharon Raydor:
Oh, dear. Allow me to point out you're the one wearing the blue jumpsuit surrounded by guards. And I'm getting up to go home.

Sharon Beck:
Okay. No. But... [yells]