Party Down

Henry Pollard:
Are we having fun yet?

Ron Donald:
[as he is burning the American flag in order to make it look like it's been through battle] You can be two things in life: You can be an achiever or a f***-up.

Henry Pollard:
And which one are you being right now?

Ron Donald:
I'm an achiever!

Henry Pollard:
Well, then, I'm definitely a f***-up. I gotta say, standing here watching you light a flag on fire in a parking lot... I feel kinda okay about it.

Howard Greengold:
And this must be Casey Kleinberg.

Casey Klein:
Klein.

Howard Greengold:
[to his fiancee Constance] Boy, you weren't kiddin' about those cans!

Jackal Onassis:
I want to be called Dennis.

[in regards to a white mistress at a black man's funeral]

Black man:
I saw her come in and I was like 'Who here came down with a case of jungle fever?'

Mary:
Right, like any of these guys...

Roman DeBeers:
Actually, you have it reversed. Her lusting after him, thats jungle fever.

Black man:
I think it applies generally.

Roman DeBeers:
No, technically its white on black.

Mary:
Because black people live in the jungle?

Roman DeBeers:
Not all, obviously. Just no white people do.

Black man:
Well what term would you use to refer to a black person lusting after a white person?

Roman DeBeers:
Temperate deciduous fever? Fjord fever? These are all just facts of semantics, I'm not being racist. I'm post-racial. People are people. If you're cool, you're cool.

Mary:
If you're an ass, you're an ass.

Roman DeBeers:
Exactly.

Blues Singer:
I don't know if I can really explain it in words. It's more like something you live.

Kyle Bradway:
Like the black experience.

Blues Singer:
And having stuff to be blue about.

Kyle Bradway:
Yeah, okay! Like... I did this movie, right? It was supposed to bump me up to the B-list. Well, it goes straight to video. And this yoga model I was hooking up with? Stops calling. AND my Xbox is all weird. It's like nothing's going right!

Bobbie St. Brown:
Did you listen to the dolphins yet?

Henry Pollard:
I... I haven't

Bobbie St. Brown:
Come on let's do it right now then

Henry Pollard:
I don't think I can

Bobbie St. Brown:
They are such smart animals. Did you know a dolphin can change a baby's diapers under water?

Bobbie St. Brown:
You know what Henry? Nice guys finish last. Grab your destiny by the balls and squeeze hard. I bet you have never done that in your career.

Henry Pollard:
No. I wouldn't even know where destiny's balls are.

Ron Donald:
I was going to collect more frogs in the world than anyone else...

Lydia Dunfree:
Revenge? Don't do it. That's in the bible. Although, we're only human. I know I am, right? One time I got revenge on someone by putting tuna fish in the AC vents of her car. But then we ended up carpooling - what! So you better be careful because sometimes revenge backfires and you end up with a fish smell. My mouth is dry. Oh, I think my contacts just popped out. Where did you go Mr. Contacts?

Ron Donald:
Can you look me in the eye and can you promise me that it all means something and that my whole bulls**t life is just a bad start to a really incredible Cinderella story?

Bobbie St. Brown:
This is a wedding under the sun and Elton John might be here. This is going to be absolutely magical.

Roman DeBeers:
I believe you mean "absolutely gay".

Bobbie St. Brown:
Don't be such a homophobe. Nothing gay about a gay wedding.

Roman DeBeers:
Do you listen to yourself?

[Uda explains that Valhalla Catering has taken over the reception]

Uda Bengt:
Imagine you were successful and wealthy and it was your wedding day. And you spared no expense to create an environment of beauty and elegance and then *you* showed up? [gags in disgust]

Roman DeBeers:
This is unfair.

Uda Bengt:
Take it up with the God that made you that way.

[Casey whispers to Henry in the middle of Uda's speech]

Uda Bengt:
Ron, seriously, your team are like animals.

[Ron frustratedly snaps his fingers to shut up his team members]

Uda Bengt:
That's going to be strike one. One more and I'm gonna report you to Alan Duk.

Roman DeBeers:
You know there are three strikes in baseball.

Uda Bengt:
Well this isn't f***ing baseball, weasel-face! It's catering.

Roman DeBeers:
Bobbie, what the f*** is that?

[Bobbie's appetizer tray is arranged into a swastika]

Bobbie St. Brown:
Why?

Kyle Bradway:
That's not right.

Bobbie St. Brown:
Oh, I made it into that Nazi thing!

Roman DeBeers:
Yeah.

Bobbie St. Brown:
I didn't know, I... I thought I... I w -... I started out as a snowflake.

[Roman and Kyle learn that Bobbie is high on mushrooms]

Bobbie St. Brown:
When I'm in nature I usually drop a cap. That's why I'm so centered. You know, nature is so large that, if you can see it really clearly, you can expand your unconsciousness to... uh... nearly to infinity.

[Uda asks Roman to direct guests to the restrooms when there is already a sign pointing the way]

Roman DeBeers:
You want me to stand here all night like a douchebag next to a sign?

Uda Bengt:
Do it in whatever style you like, but yes.

[Uda walks away, leaving Roman at his post]

Roman DeBeers:
You know, I went to college.

Uda Bengt:
I didn't. But I still get the irony.

Henry Pollard:
Ron, you can't give up.

Ron Donald:
You gave up, Henry.

Henry Pollard:
Yeah, and that's exactly why you shouldn't.

Ron Donald:
Why? People like you, Henry. You've got Casey and you goof around, you don't give a sh*t about sh*t.

Henry Pollard:
Yeah? But I have no life and I'm earning minimum wage in the food service industry.

[Bobbie is high as a kite]

Bobbie St. Brown:
I see lemons.

Kyle Bradway:
Oh, no, it's okay because... they're right here.

[Kyle shows Bobbie the bowl of lemons]

Bobbie St. Brown:
No, these are sun eggs.

[Kyle is trying to handle Bobbie's drug-induced condition]

Kyle Bradway:
So, where are you now?

Bobbie St. Brown:
I'm in a purple tube of consciousness.

[repeated line]

Henry Pollard:
Are we having fun yet?

Ron Donald:
Roman, what am I not hearing?

Roman DeBeers:
I dunno... a squid? There are other options, I suppose.