Regular Show

Pops:
Good show! Jolly good show!

Mordecai:
I knew you cheated, dude. I was just waiting for you to come clean to teach you a lesson.

Rigby:
Oh, so these blondes are all just wearing wigs to teach me a lesson, too?

Mordecai:
Uh, no. They're actually an evil secret club. We should probably run for our lives now.

Mordecai:
Stop playing for a second! When I went upstairs, Pops was getting out of the shower.

Rigby:
Yeah, so?

Mordecai:
And he didn't have a towel.

Rigby:
Ewww!

Mordecai:
I tried not to look and just give him the magazine but I saw his...

Rigby:
His junk mail? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Mordecai:
No, dude, I'm mentally scarred. It's like the image is glued in the inside of my eyelids. Every saggy, wrinkled, shriveled, pasty...

Rigby:
Rigby: Whoa, whoa! Don't put it in my head!

Rigby:
Aw, how do you watch that? It's like barfing rainbows in my eyes!

Rigby:
Mordecai! Do you remember seeing Pops naked? Pops naked? Nude? In the buff? Naked Pops, naked Pops, naked Pops!

Mordecai:
Why do you want to go so bad?

Rigby:
Going to this concert could be the biggest moment of my life.

Mordecai:
Wow, sounds like your life sucks.

Rigby:
Shut up!

Benson:
The park is being audited today. Pops tried to pay the taxes with lollipops. [all groan]

Pops:
But I gave them more than enough.

Benson:
Pops, we've been through this. You pay taxes with money, not lollipops.

Pops:
Oh!

Benson:
We have until three to stop the audit, so if anyone knows someone who can help, tell me. Anyone at all. Anyone.

Muscle Man:
I know who can help.

Benson:
Muscle Man, if you say your mom, you're fired.

Muscle Man:
My mom!

Benson:
Get out!

Muscle Man:
It was worth it!

Don:
Give me some sugar.

Pops:
Oh, I adore Rock Paper Scissors! Except where I come from, it's called "Quartz Parchment Shears!"

Mordecai:
Dude, you've gotta stop pulling stuff out of the trash. It's unnatural!

Rigby:
You're unnatural!

Benson:
If you morons are lying to me, you'll be on dish duty for the next month!

[stomach growls]

Mordecai:
Don't touch that cake.

Rigby:
It's a medical emergency!

Mordecai:
You just ate a sandwich.

Rigby:
Are you a doctor now? Did you go to medical school in the last five seconds?

Benson:
Do you see them?

Pops:
Not yet.

Benson:
Hit the lights! It's almost 8 PM!

[lights turn off, unzipping is heard]

Muscle Man:
Whoo! Skips is gonna be so surprised when he comes in and sees us totally naked!

Benson:
It's not that type of party, Muscle Man.

Muscle Man:
Aaaaw... Don't turn on the lights!

Pops:
Let the merry-making commence!

Rigby:
Yeah, we have this lame boss Benson who tells us to...

No Rules Guy:
Boss? What's that?

Mordecai:
It's a...

No Rules Guy:
I know what a boss is, I was just making a point.

Rigby:
Benson's gonna drop his balls when he sees how good we set up these chairs. He's gonna be all like 'Oh no, my gumballs!'

Mordecai:
You might be me but you're not the me I wanna be.

Russian Video Host:
Feeling weak? Looking pathetic? If you're watching television, you probably are.

Muscle Man:
[appearing as Rigby attempts to visualize a pull-up] Wump, wump...

[Rigby punches him with an unnaturally long arm]

Muscle Man:
Not cool, bro.

Pops:
What is this place, this magical field? It's wide and it's open, nothing's concealed. It's scenic and peaceful for us to enjoy, why this is the park, good show old boy. A place of great beauty for plenty to use, it inspires us all so go spread the news, to man, woman, child or begging cowboy, this is the park, good show old boy. The key to this place puts a smile on your face, it is the people that it does employ, why this is the park, good show old boy.

Big Trouble:
Hit it! Y'all better watch out 'cause Big Trouble's on the mic now. I knock all of your lights out with my verse y'all be cursed, exploding like some fireworks, bow!

Demel-ishun:
Why you talkin' 'bout beauty man don't understand what that got to do with you fool, you guys are like spoiled hams in a can, superbland, expiration date's overdue.

Mordecai:
Dude, Benson would've snapped his crank if we'd just upped and left work. You gotta be responsible sometimes.

Rigby:
And that's why we don't have tickets for wrestling, because all you can think about is Benson's crank.

Doom-Ma-Geddon:
Prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is dumb.

Desdemona:
Don't be silly! Some of the greatest adventures can be had on the dance floor.

Skips:
Walks never walks away from a bully.

Muscle Man:
[holding a chainsaw] Skips, we ruptured another gas line.

Doug:
[after Rigby tells him he's fired] Fired? You can fire me. This is the best job I ever have. I'm finally becoming somebody. Besides...

[in Rigby's voice]

Doug:
...I'm more Rigby than you ever were - or WILL be!

[last lines]

Rigby:
[after Doug gets arrested] Wow, what a windbag! I thought he'd never shut up. I can't believe you all thought Doug was me. You must feel like idiots. Am I right?

[Benson and everyone else glare at him]

Rigby:
[nervously] Uh, right?

Benson:
[lividly] I'm the only one around here who hires and fires! So if you really don't want to do your own job, I'd be glad to accommodate you! Otherwise, you're on toilet duty for the next... THREE MONTHS! Unbelievable!

[Benson and the others leave]

Rigby:
Hey, Mordecai, wanna make an easy ten bucks?

Rigby:
How in the H are we gonna fix this S?

Skips:
Muscle Man blows a mean piece of brass.

Muscle Man:
You know who else blows a mean piece of brass?

Rigby:
[cuts him off] Here they come!

Mordecai:
You can't touch music, but music can touch you.

Eileen:
[Atop a mountain] Woah, you guys were right! What an impressive vista.

C.J.:
Yeah. Good call, guys!

Rigby:
Good call is what I'm all about

Mordecai:
Like that good call you made when you ate that sandwich off a sidewalk?

Rigby:
Hey, the sidewalk adds flavor!

C.J.:
So do portable toilets! [laughs]

Rigby:
Ohhh... Burn!

Mordecai:
[after knocking Benson out] We only have one chance at not getting fired.

Rigby:
Okay. I'll go get the shovel.