SCTV Network 90

Uposcrabblenyk Host:
Be healthy, and welcome to Russia's favorite television game, Uposcrabblenyk. I am your host, Niklaus Harmolav, welcome. Today is the second day of our struggle between... Champion Viktor Kametsky, worker at Hydroelectric Plant Number Five; and our lovely challenger, Anna Petrovich, a designer at Mikuoyan Aerospace. Anna, tell us all about your job.

Anna Petrovich:
Sorry, Niklaus, it's classified.

Uposcrabblenyk Host:
Oh-ho! Good answer! Viktor, tell about, er, perhaps your hobbies... something.

Viktor Kametsky:
Enough talk, get to game!

Uposcrabblenyk Host:
Oh! Watch out, Anna, Viktor is ready to go over the fence to play the game.

Uposcrabblenyk Host:
Anna, you have twenty-eight letters to make a word on Uposcrabblenyk. Can you do it now?

Anna Petrovich:
Could I have concentration music, Niklaus?

Uposcrabblenyk Host:
Okay, can we have music, please?

[ The sound of a European-style police siren is played in the studio. Anna presses her buzzer. ]

Uposcrabblenyk Host:
All right, Anna, what is your word?

Anna Petrovich:
Starting on left, ending with letter P, twenty-eight letter word giving me victory: Prienellskofvischnyetpropopp.

Uposcrabblenyk Host:
Prienellskofvischnyetpropopp, it fits! The high Russian word for, "dog," I believe?

Anna Petrovich:
Yes.

Uposcrabblenyk Host:
Okay, Viktor, do you challenge?

Viktor Kametsky:
[pressing his buzzer] Yes, I do!

Uposcrabblenyk Host:
Okay, ruling committee... Ruling committee... [a bell rings] Viktor, you are right! Anna, your word is a slang word, an abbreviation unacceptable on Uposcrabblenyk. I am sorry, I hope the shame is not too much to bear.

[in the style of a public service announcement:
]

Narrator:
If there was someone in your family who was no good...

Chorus:
Uzbeks.

Narrator:
Someone who embarrassed you...

Chorus:
Uzbeks.

Narrator:
Someone who constantly took but never gave...

Chorus:
Uzbeks.

Narrator:
If there was someone like that in your family...

Chorus:
Uzbeks.

Narrator:
You would do something, wouldn't you? Mother Russia has someone like that in her family.

Chorus:
Uzbeks.

Narrator:
But she can't do something about it without your help. Experience has taught us not to make martyrs of our enemies, so: Leave them alone.

Chorus:
Uzbeks.

Narrator:
Don't give them money or matches.

Chorus:
Uzbeks.

Title Card:
Mother Russia Cares

Narrator:
And don't encourage them to gamble and drink. Uzbeks. They are the weak link in the great chain of Socialism.

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