Space Patrol

[repeated line]

Cadet Happy:
Smokin' rockets!

Cadet Happy:
Look, let me give you a word of advice. If you're going to be a cadet in the Space Patrol, you better get out of the habit of refering to the Commander as "Corry".

Ferris Macklin:
That's his *name*, isn't it?

Cadet Happy:
His *title* is "Commander Corry".

[Ferris finds Happy talking to pretty Jo Vance]

Ferris Macklin:
Well, *hello*. Aren't you going to introduce me?

Cadet Happy:
You're doing all right on your own.

Ferris Macklin:
Come along, Junior. Let's all go for a ride in Corry's garbage scow.

[last lines]

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Well, we didn't get much work accomplished on that flight did we, Happy?... I said, we...

[Happy is absent-mindedly plucking at a palm frond]

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Why the long face?

Cadet Happy:
Huh? Oh, it's nothin'... nothin'.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Oh, Hap, tell your old Uncle Buzz all about it.

Cadet Happy:
No, Commander, there's really nothing wrong. Really.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Well, look who's here! Hello, Jo.

Jo Vance:
I hope I'm not disturbing you, Commander. I wanted to thank you for being so nice for me today. Aside from the crash, I enjoyed the trip very much. I wanted to tell you before I went out tonight.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Oh? You're going out tonight?

Cadet Happy:
Yeah. Have a nice time with... Ferris.

Jo Vance:
Ferris? Oh, no, I broke that date. I've seen enough of him to know he's not the type I want to go out with. You're my date. You promised to show me Terra and I'm going to hold you to your promise!

Cadet Happy:
Well, well then, well - smokin' rockets, what are we waiting for! Let's go! Come on!

[Happy and Jo race from the room, but Happy quickly returns]

Cadet Happy:
Oh, Commander, there really isn't anything wrong now!

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
That's my cadet!

[first lines]

Narrator:
This is a town in one of the original 13 colonies. It is the year 1692. These are dangerous days, for the people of this timeline have given way to mob hysteria as they seek out victims to persecute for the charge of witchcraft.

Ezekial Martin:
Even yet it has not turned to butter.

Goodwife Martin:
Mayhap the cream was not right.

Ezekial Martin:
Mayhap the cream is bewitched - bewitched, even like your own self!

Ezekial Martin:
[to Corry] You've all had your say, wizard, now I'll have mine! I vowed as town magistrate to rid this town of all witchery. You shall pay for your witchcraft - at the stake!

Cadet Happy:
Now, Josiah, just as the Commander said, you're going for a nice little ride in a spaceship.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
No matter where you go back in time, Baccarrati, I'm coming after you. Remember that.

Prince Baccarratti:
Oh, don't make me laugh, Corry. How are you going to get off Earth? How are you going to get out of this timeline? How are you going to get back to the Thirtieth Century? Or are you forgetting there are no spaceships in the year 1692!

[Goodwife Martin prevents her husband from striking Corry with a tree limb]

Goodwife Martin:
No, my husband, he is your friend!

Ezekial Martin:
Woman, how dare you!

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
She dares because she knows more about truth than you or your son.

Josiah:
I for one do not believe in all this. Truly our belief in witchcraft was manifested today beyond all doubt!

Ezekial Martin:
It was a trick to make us think we were flying through the air - to the moon. Ha-ha! We're well rid of the demons now... except for one.

[Ezekial steps menacingly towards his wife... ]

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Mr. Groata, considering the fact that our prisoner, Baccarratti, was the most traitorous crimnal ever at large in our system, I am curious why you want to see him.

Groata:
Well, that's only natural, Commander. The reason is very simple - I've come to kill him.

Cadet Happy:
Well, now that we know why you... Kill him?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
That's a very bad joke, Mr. Groata.

Groata:
Now, what makes you think I'm joking?

Zacca:
What is this?

Groata:
Part of your inheritance, excellency - the Z ray. It's secret was your father's most effective weapon. I have that secret - we can make as many of these as we need. Held before the eyes, the Z ray renders its victims powerless. He becomes your servant, your slave. He'll obey every wish at your command!

[discussing the wounded Prince Baccarratti]

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
What did the doctor say?

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
They're pretty sure he'll live.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
I could have told them that. This guy's too mean to die.

Cadet Happy:
Smokin' rockets! A trip back into time.

[last lines]

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
I don't think we should invite trouble, Hap. Something tells me that down there in that 20th century city is all the trouble we can handle without asking for more.

Cadet Happy:
Yeah, I guess you're right, sir. Two aliens from another planet looking for two other aliens in a civilization where we don't even exist... ah, yet. Or...

[Corry and Happy tied to stake and about to be burned alive]

Cadet Happy:
How are you coming?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
I'm getting it.

Cadet Happy:
Hurry, Commander! I don't like outdoor barbeques.

Yellow Feather:
The evil spirits get away

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Yes, Yellow Feather. The evil spirits did get away.

Cadet Happy:
Yeah, but don't worry - the good spirits are going to go after them.

[last lines]

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
The great chief is very pleased with you.

Cadet Happy:
I'll say. You saved our lives - I mean, you saved the good spirits. Now we're in very good spirits! Ha ha ha!

Yellow Feather:
Him good spirit, but make bad joke.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
You know, he's right.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
This is the gun he tried to use on you, Carol. He dropped it in the corridor after Tonga hit him. It has been very cleverly adapted to fire this missile.

Tonga:
Missile!

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Yes, a deadly missile, Tonga. Found this on our suspect, too.

Carol Carlisle:
I would never believe a ray gun could have done all this.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Because deadly weapons are outlawed, these weapons are being smuggled into Terra. I've been on the case secretly, but, well, I guess the news got out.

[Happy and Corry grapple with their assailant in a dark room]

Cadet Happy:
I got him, sir! I got him! Come on, you.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Happy!

Cadet Happy:
Commander...

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Well, at least you didn't let me get away.

[Tonga and Carol are following a suspicious dock worker]

Carol Carlisle:
Tonga, I'm going to stay here and keep an eye on things. You'd better call some security guards.

Tonga:
Be careful - he's not your type.

[Commander Corry has escaped from freezing to death in a refrigeration compartment]

Max:
But how did you get out? How did you and the girls get out?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Girls? What girls?

Max:
In another crate, Corry - a couple of your lady friends. Yeah, they needed some cooling off, too.

Narrator:
Ahead lies planet Earth - Earth of the 20th Century - Earth, the end of our journey. Here is the hiding place of the twin brother of Prince Baccarrati... for he was hidden in *time*, concealed in the past.

Cadet Happy:
I wouldn't want anything to happen to our scout car. Wow, I hate to think of hitchhiking back to our ship in one of those old 20th Century airplanes.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Oh, I don't think these people have any ships that will as high as our spaceship's orbit with any degree of control - just experimental missiles.

Cadet Happy:
Smokin' rockets! If anything happens to our scout car, we'll be stranded in this timeline for the rest of our lives!

Groata:
I don't like it, your excellency! What if Commander Corry should walk in here? You don't even know what he looks like.

Zarro:
Now, don't worry, Grota. I have a perfect plan for Corry's destruction. First the Z-ray; after that it's very simple.

Groata:
Simple? To what?

Zarro:
To maroon Corry here in the 20th Century for the rest of his life.

The Girl:
Isn't it exciting! About the rocketship, I mean.

Cadet Happy:
Rocketship? What rocketship, ma'am?

The Girl:
Oh? Haven't you heard? Well, everyone is talking about it. Just imagine - it's the first time they've ever taken one up with a man in it. I think it's perfectly wonderful. The others have been only guided missiles, you know - nobody in them.

Cadet Happy:
You mean they have a rocketship here in the 20th Century?

The Girl:
Of course here in the 20th Century. When else would in be?

Cadet Happy:
Gee, Mr. Marshall, you've got to believe us.

Nick:
Oh, I believe you, all right.

Cadet Happy:
You do?

Nick:
Sure! I used to be an airlines pilot. One of those flying saucers played tag with me for ten minutes one night when I was on my run. I don't think anyone believed my report on it, but I knew it was real.

[last lines]

Cadet Happy:
Gee, you know, that Nick Marshall sure was a nice guy.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Yes - lucky for us.

Cadet Happy:
But say, Commander, what were those flying saucers he was talking about?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Well, Happy, once upon a time, a long time ago...

Cadet Happy:
I've got it plotted, sir. You want to check my figures?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Your astragation has been on the mark lately, Happy. I'll take your word for it.

Cadet Happy:
Well, thank you, sir. We're at 10,000 BEUs from Major Robertson's position right now, sir, and if we correct three degrees starboard and maintain our present speed, we'll intersect Major Robertson's vector on a line of relative motion in 34 minutes.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Got it... Are you sure that's right?

Cadet Happy:
Oh, yes sir. Absolutely, sir. I'd stake my reputation on it... I think.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Seems that Redrow is self-conscious. He doesn't want me looking over his shoulder. He's changing vector.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Where's he headed now?

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
For Mars. If he keeps on this vector it looks like he'll wind up on the top side of the Red Planet.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
In the ice cap?

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Yeah. Fine thing, too - me without my red flannels.

Ed Redrow:
That's the secret of my success, Billy boy, to always cover up my tracks... and then I stick around to see that nobody *uncovers* 'em.

Cadet Happy:
Smokin' rockets! We're 50 miles from Colfax, no ship, no communication and we're stranded right in the middle of the ice desert.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
And Robbie's still missing.

Ed Redrow:
No, Billy boy, no guns. Just let nature do our work for us - and it will. Just give it time.

Ed Redrow:
Now you're going to get your target practice - at close range!

[last lines]

Cadet Happy:
Well, Major Robertson seems to be resting easily.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Oh, he's all right. We'll have him in a hospital bed in a few minutes.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Hospital bed? Oh no, not me!

Cadet Happy:
Commander, did you hear what I heard?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Now, I know he's going to be all right. He's feeling well enough already to argue.

Cadet Happy:
Smokin' rockets, what a constitution!

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
It's not my constitution, Hap. Confidentially, I did have on my red flannels.

Cadet Happy:
How are you coming with Yula, sir.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Aw, she refuses to talk. She acts as though her capture doesn't bother her at all. She just stands there expressionless... exactly like her own android we encountered before we returned to Terra.

Cadet Happy:
Yeah, come to think of it, she does. Smokin' rockets, man! You don't think this is another android of Yula? And that the real Yula got away with Raymo?

[Yula emerges from behind a door with ray gun in hand]

Yula:
Not with Raymo, gentlemen, without him.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
We've got to get back to the Secretary General's office before Yula gets away!

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Yula? Who's Yula?

Cadet Happy:
Well, she's an alien from Algol. She makes androids.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Aliens? Algol? Androids? What...?

[Robbie fears that Corry and Happy are androids]

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Convince yourself, Robbie. I've done all I can. But be careful. If you lower your guard for a second, Yula will make an android of you and she'll control the Security Department the same way she controls the Space Patrol and the Secretary General.

Cadet Happy:
Hey, Commander, what are we going to do with all these androids? We can't just let them run around loose.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
I'm sure the duplicating machine is capable of returning them to their normal form - a shapeless mass of protoplasm.

Cadet Happy:
Smokin' rockets, Commander, what's that?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
That's Manza.

Cadet Happy:
Manza? But that's just a bunch of crystals.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
A colony of crystals, Happy.

Cadet Happy:
But Commander, I don't see how a bunch of rocks could have intelligence, let alone life.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Why not, Happy? In our solar system, carbon and its compounds are the basis for protoplasm, the essential substance of our bodies. Why not a silicon-based life form in this system?

Cadet Happy:
Well, I can't argue with that, sir. I'm looking at it!

[last lines]

Cadet Happy:
Say, you know Commander, that Manza never did really worry me.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Oh he didn't, Hap? Why not?

Cadet Happy:
Well, he didn't bother me because I could see right through Manza from the very beginning!

[Happy holds up the large crystal and laughs]

Cadet Happy:
Look, see. You see, I can see - I can...

[Corry rolls his eyes as Happy lifts the crystal in front of his face]

Hefler:
And now, Major Robertson, you will learn the secrets of eternal youth!

[a gravity beam forces Corry's spaceship is forced to land on a tiny asteroid]

Cadet Happy:
Say, Major, what do you make of it?

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
I don't think it was an accident and what's worse - it happened to Tonga.

Hefler:
You don't seem to understand, Tonga, that it's you and those like you who have gone before that makes it possible for me to remain young.

Tonga:
What are you doing!

Hefler:
Don't shout so, Tonga. I'm merely going to transfer molecular cohesive energy from your body to mine. That prevents the cellular structure of my body from disintegrating with age. And now you know the secret of internal youth.

[last lines]

Cadet Happy:
I can write down any number you can say.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Is that a promise?

Cadet Happy:
Sure! Try me.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
All right - one million.

Cadet Happy:
Simple. That's one with one, two, three, four, five, six zeros after it.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
One billion.

Cadet Happy:
You just add three more zeros.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
One google.

Cadet Happy:
That's easy, you just add... One what sir?

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
A google. That's a one with a million zeros after it.

Cadet Happy:
Oh yeah, yeah... But Major!

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
You promised.

Cadet Happy:
Oh yeah, but that'll take me a week, sir!

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Oh, not quite, Happy. At two zeros a second, 24 hours a day, it'll take you six days.

Cadet Happy:
Six days? Major... Oh, well.

[Happy begins writing zeros on the blackboard]

Cadet Happy:
"The guardian points the way / His eyes will never stray / His ears hear more than his eyes can see / Of the treasure to which he holds the key / Yet the Guardian will never betray." Hey, Commander, how did the Carnigans ever figure anyone would find the treasure with nothing to go on but that silly poem?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
They didn't.

Axel:
Take it easy; take it easy! They can't get out of that chamber. They're trapped! We got them right where we want them.

Sollum:
Through no fault of yours.

Sollum:
I ought to kill you right now!

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
But you won't, because we're the only ones who can find that treasure.

Sollum:
That was your last try, Corry! If you think that piece of paper is worth more than your cadet's life... well, that's up to you.

[referring to Sollum, the leader of Axel's gang]

Cadet Happy:
Don't get mad, Axel. It's not our fault if you let him push you around.

Queen Riva:
Enough! We will go on. The little one is of no use to us a man-slave. Leave him here.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Leave him in the jungle? Over my dead body!

Queen Riva:
As you wish. Zamba! Calva!

[the two amazon guards press their spears against Corry's throat]

Johnson:
It's your move, Corry.

Queen Riva:
You're a fool, Commander, but a brave fool. Follow me!

Johnson:
Queen Riva, if you still need a slavemaster, I'd like to apply.

Queen Riva:
You?

Johnson:
I'm the guy for the job.

Johnson:
The Commander in Chief of the Space Patrol - a slave.

[Johnson laughs uproariously]

[last lines]

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
By the way, did you get Dr. Tuttle's microtape?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
I sure did. I had to take it from Johnson, though... Microtape? I completely forgot it!

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Where is it?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
That's just it, Robbie - I don't know. I sent it to Happy in a minature space jet homing device, but I don't know where he had it. Johnson hid Happy in the jungle and tried to force me to tell him where it was.

[Happy arises from his bed and hands the microtape to Corry]

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
The tape! Happy, you had it all the time.

Cadet Happy:
Yeah, sure. If Johnson had taken the trouble to search me, he would have saved himself a lot of trouble.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
That's my cadet!

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
I can't make out anything on the viewscreen, Robbie. Did you see anything?

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Yes. We're flying through a solid body of water.

Cadet Happy:
Hey! Somebody's stealing all the water from Earth!

John:
I tell you, Vera, you should have seen the Commander's face when I told him how I was robbed. He believed every word of it.

Vera:
Are you sure you did the right thing talking to Commander Corry yourself?

John:
Well, of course I did, Vera. I threw suspicion away from me. Why I even told him that I thought there was somebody right there in the Space Patrol giving out inside information on patrol unit movements.

Vera:
You told him that?

John:
Why sure. Why not?

Vera:
Because it's true, that's why!

John:
Aw, don't worry Vera. There's nothing to it. Tony will never get caught. He's too smart.

Vera:
I'm beginning to think he's a lot smarter than you are.

Cadet Happy:
Smokin' rockets, Commander, this Manza - whoever he is or whatever it is - well, he's so scientifically advanced, I don't see how a periscope is going to help us.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
That's just the point, Happy. Manza's whole existence is geared to a high scientific level. He'd be prepared to defeat any electronic device we might use. A periscope is not an electronic device. I'm counting on this fact to help defeat Manza. This is why I'm glad I had the security lab develop it.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
What kind of man are you?

Manza:
I am not a man. I told you that. I am a being that grew from the soil of this planet.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Look, you can manipulate this control. Why are you trying to make me do it?

Manza:
Because I am your master!

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Sounds like you are just trying to prove that to yourself.

Cadet Happy:
We've made it, Commander. Manza didn't fire a shot.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
That's what I don't understand, Hap. It's too easy. He's equipped to detect our presence.

Cadet Happy:
Maybe he's saving us for something better... What am I saying?

Cadet Happy:
Shall we go over the wall?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
We might as well... No, wait!

Cadet Happy:
Commander...?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
I saw a guard of some kind.

Cadet Happy:
What do you mean - "of some kind"?

Cadet Happy:
Commander, I just happened to think - what if there's a robot on the other side of the next wall?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
We'll never find out if we don't get over this one.

Cadet Happy:
What are we going to do?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
We've come this far. There's no point in turning back now.

Cadet Happy:
Yeah, but how are we going to get around that robot?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
We'll make a run for it.

Cadet Happy:
A run, sir?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Yeah. I just thought of something - that first robot took a couple of seconds to sight in on us. Now if we're fast enough, maybe we can take advantage of those few seconds and get past that robot and in that door before he has a chance to shoot at us.

Cadet Happy:
Well... Just "maybe", sir?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Just maybe, Hap. Maybe we'll find Robbie in there.

Cadet Happy:
That's good enough for me, sir.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Commander, you're still alive!

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Aren't we supposed to be?

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Not according to Manza.

[the Icardians are preparing to bombard Manza's fortress with deadly heat rays not realizing the complex is full of helpless captives]

Cadet Happy:
What are we going to do? In a minute, they'll turn on those heat rays. You heard what the General said - he'll melt the whole fortress to the ground. I'm too young to be melted!

Captain Dagger:
You're a hearty lad, matey! It was a lucky day for Captain Dagger when you joined my crew.

Doctor Maddox:
Captain Dagger, please try to remember that my name is Doctor Maddox and that I am a scientist.

Captain Dagger:
A renegade scientist, matey, else you wouldn't be sailin' under the skull and crossbones and Captain Dagger.

Doctor Maddox:
I am well aware of the effect my phobia ray has on its victims.

Captain Dagger:
Of course you are, matey.

Doctor Maddox:
And don't call me "matey"!

Captain Dagger:
Bite you tongue, bucko! You're talking to your skipper.

Doctor Maddox:
You're not my skipper and I'm not a member of your crew as you would like to think.

Captain Dagger:
Stow it, matey! You're talkin' mutiny!

Doctor Maddox:
Mutiny? You needn't try to impress me with your affected manner of speaking and that fancy sea pirate get-up. Why you look like a comic valentine.

Captain Dagger:
Comic valentine, eh?

[Captain Dagger raises his sword]

Doctor Maddox:
No! No!

[after hiding a minature microphone in Carol's medallion, Captain Dagger prepares to listen in on secret Space Patrol plans]

Captain Dagger:
That was the voice of the enemy - Commander Corry.

Doctor Maddox:
Yes, but what if they don't discuss their blast-off time in front of the girl? What good would it do to conceal a microtransmitter on her person?

Captain Dagger:
Captain Dagger himself is going to start the conversation.

Doctor Maddox:
You? But I don't undestand...

Captain Dagger:
Keep your eyes and ears open, matey, and you'll learn your skipper is a sly one.

Carol Carlisle:
I don't like it. I've got a strange feeling about that station.

Cadet Happy:
Woman's intuition?

Carol Carlisle:
I just don't like it.

Cadet Happy:
See, I told you, Carol. The place has probably been...

[an explosion rocks Corry's spaceship]

Cadet Happy:
Smokin' rockets! What hit us?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
The station - it blew up!

Cadet Happy:
There's nobody alive in it now!

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
There never was. It was a booby trap set off by a proximity fuse.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
Probably something left over by the war!

Narrator:
Below the Terra 5, awaiting the visitors from the United Planets, is the charred, blackened surface of the ravaged planet - the bared skeleton of a once prosperous civilization.

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
The 110 degree temperatures are going to make us thirsty.

Cadet Happy:
Sure, Commander, but we got plenty of water... haven't we, sir?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
The water tanks are located right below that split seam. They were ripped open.

Maj. Robbie Robertson:
You mean our water's gone, sir?

Cmdr. Buzz Corry:
Except that one canteen.