The Good Wife

Veronica Loy:
I always liked Jewish men. I always thought a penis never looked quite right unless it was circumcised.

Louis Canning:
I may be a scumbag, but I'm your scumbag.

Receptionist:
[answers telephone] Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Chicago, how may I connect you?

Eli Gold:
Hello, this is Stacy Hall's assistant. I'm having trouble texting her. Could you get her an immediate message? I know she's in a meeting with Spencer Roth.

Receptionist:
Sure, what is it?

Eli Gold:
Could you tell her that her eleven o'clock meeting with Rush moved to noon?

Receptionist:
Rush?

Eli Gold:
Yes, Limbaugh. Do you want me to spell that for you?

Receptionist:
No, I think I got it.

[Alicia and Will have just lost a motion to a clearly inexperienced Ms. Crozier]

Will Gardner:
What happened?

Alicia Florrick:
Cute, perky, 26 just happened.

Dylan Stack:
Here's your cashier's check. It only took 20 minutes standing in line in the bank to change dollar bills to another piece of paper.

Alicia Florrick:
Thank you. I went online and I bought 1 Bitcoin last night.

Dylan Stack:
Really? It's the future.

Alicia Florrick:
I don't know. It didn't feel real.

Dylan Stack:
Real's gonna change. Just watch!

Kalinda Sharma:
You know what I like about you? You're three months into a ten-year sentence, and you're plotting your political comeback.

Peter Florrick:
Politics is just a game of Chutes and Ladders. Right now, I'm at square one.

Alicia Florrick:
Mrs. Nyholm, I know how this works. We're going to try and get into each other's heads, try and unnerve each other. Can I give you a little bit of advice? After the last seven months, I'm vaccinated.

Kalinda Sharma:
Do you know how much you pay your jury consultants?

Diane Lockhart:
No.

Kalinda Sharma:
One hundred thousand dollars for three months' work.

Diane Lockhart:
That sounds about right.

Kalinda Sharma:
Do you know how much I make?

Diane Lockhart:
I have a feeling I'm finding out.

Kalinda Sharma:
A fourth of that.

Diane Lockhart:
That sounds outrageous.

Kalinda Sharma:
Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Eli Gold:
Not everything is about you.

Alicia Florrick:
Do you believe in God?

Dean Levine-Wilkins:
You?

Alicia Florrick:
No, I don't think that I'm genetically built to believe in God.

Dean Levine-Wilkins:
I don't think I was either, 'til I was.

Diane Lockhart:
We brought our suspicions to the judge, and he overruled us.

Alicia Florrick:
Yes, but now we know.

Diane Lockhart:
We have fulfilled our obligation under the law.

Alicia Florrick:
It's wrong.

Diane Lockhart:
No. We follow the law, Alicia. Sometimes it's wrong, sometimes it's right. But we always follow the law.

Becca:
Oh no! Have I been a bad girl?

Eli Gold:
No, dear Becca, because that would only make you want to do it again. You know what you have been? Gum on the bottom of my shoe. Spoiled little brat who will get pregnant at 17 have an abortion at 18 and meet some sweaty frat boy over Spring Break and work as a dental hygienist until the day you die.

Will Gardner:
That my friend was a Chicago defense. Get used to it.

David Lee:
We're like homeless lawyers.

Will Gardner:
So the vote is this Friday. Bond is up by three votes, one of them is supposedly me. So he's really only up by one.

David Lee:
By two.

Will Gardner:
No, by one

David Lee:
He loses one vote so he's up by two.

Will Gardner:
No, I move to Diane's side so she gains one and he loses one.

David Lee:
What are you talking about?

Will Gardner, David Lee, Diane Lockhart:
inseparable arguing

Diane Lockhart:
Can we agree we need more votes? We need more votes and we are running out of time

Alicia Florrick:
What's this?

Kalinda Sharma:
Change of address.

Alicia Florrick:
For who?

Kalinda Sharma:
Me.

Alicia Florrick:
Oh, I, I don't think I even have your old address.

Kalinda Sharma:
Well, now you have my new one.

Alicia Florrick:
I feel like we've grown closer together.

Kalinda Sharma:
Okay, give it back.

Alicia Florrick:
Oh, no, no, no, this is going in my copy of Eat, Pray, Love.

[Kalinda reaches for the paper and Alicia slaps her hand away from it]

Kalinda Sharma:
Ow!

Will Gardner:
This isn't really your baby, is it? What's her name?

Patti Nyholm:
Bite me.

Will Gardner:
Is that Dutch?

[to Alicia]

Will Gardner:
We've always had bad timing.

Judge Hester James:
Miss Raines! I strongly suggest you find a way to work with the defense council to find a more equitable solution. There's a place around the corner that serves deep dish by the slice. I'm going to get some! By my count you've got about twenty minutes.

Lauren Chatham:
Now that this is over we should... I don't know, maybe have lunch? Pretend none of this ever happened. I'll call you, okay?

Alicia Florrick:
You're not going to call. And we're not going to have lunch. And that's okay. It really is.

Alicia Florrick:
We can take a break, Your Honor.

[Abernathy is crying]

Judge Charles Abernathy:
No, no, no, no. No, it's nothing. Over lunch, I went to offer moral support to Occupy Wall Street. And it's because of the pepper spray.

Kalinda Sharma:
[Kalinda is meeting with Lana at a hotel over wine] Do you have a home?

Lana Delaney:
I do. Lake Forest. When I work past eleven, the government is required to provide in-town accomodations.

Kalinda Sharma:
How nice... my tax dollars at work.

Lana Delaney:
So... Blake Kalomar, huh? That's a new name to us.

Kalinda Sharma:
Really? I'm surprised.

Lana Delaney:
[smiles] I'm juggling a lot of balls at the FBI. But I guess you have, too.

Lana Delaney:
[Kalinda smiles shyly... Lana reaches down for her shoe] I'm taking off my shoe. [holds it up seductively] See it?

Kalinda Sharma:
[nods] I can see. [Lana drops her shoe to the floor]

Lana Delaney:
I'm... stretching out my foot. [does so, as Kalinda winces] Are you all right?

Kalinda Sharma:
[sighs] If you have to stretch.

Lana Delaney:
I have an offer for you... come work for me. It's not good at Lockhart-Gardner. And it won't be good for quite some time.

Kalinda Sharma:
[looking down] And why is that?

Lana Delaney:
Your firm is representing Bishop... the drug dealer.

Kalinda Sharma:
[defensively] Yeah, he has legitimate interests.

Lana Delaney:
[laughs, shaking her head] He has no legitimate interests.

Lana Delaney:
[moves her stockinged foot up Kalinda's thigh as she's talking] The firm is in danger... come work for me.

Kalinda Sharma:
We had this conversation.

Lana Delaney:
[Lana has her shoe off and is teasing Kalinda with her stockinged foot under the table... her cell phone rings] I have to get that.

Kalinda Sharma:
Then you're gonna need your foot back.

Peter Florrick:
The laywers think the appellate court is going to hear my case. If they overturn it, everything goes back to normal.

Alicia Florrick:
Peter, it's never going back to normal.

Diane Lockhart:
I want you to think of me as a mentor, Alicia. It's the closest thing we have to an old boys' network in this town: Women helping women, okay?

Jennifer Lewis:
Does it ever get easier?

Alicia Florrick:
No. But you do get better at it.

[first lines]

Peter Florrick:
Good morning. An hour ago I resigned as State's Attorney of Cook County. I did this with a heavy heart and a deep commitment to fight these scurrilous charges. I will be clear: I have never abused my office. I have never traded lighter sentences for financial or sexual favours. At the same time, I need to atone for my personal failings with my wife, Alicia, and our two children.

Tommy Segara:
You want to say that again so I can get it on tape?

Diane Lockhart:
No, I want to say it again so you understand my words.

Glenn Childs:
I understand the need to blame someone for your husband's downfall, but I wouldn't release that sex tape to hurt you or your family. I have kids too. You should know, I was holding back. I had more to release about your husband. A lot more. Disturbing things. But out of compassion, I held back.

Judge Charles Abernathy:
Well, see you all back here... Let's see... My docket is clear. Five days? How's that for expedited? And as a side note, I would like to ask for a moment of silence for the recent mass killings in Darfur.

Eli Gold:
...Of course you're going to make your own decision; of course you're not going to do what Redmayne asks, but you don't tell him that. You don't tell him the truth.

[Alicia tries to speak]

Eli Gold:
No, shut up. Listen to me. You know the truth, here, in your heart. Good, be a Disney Princess, but don't tell money men like Redmayne anything but what they want to hear.

Alicia Florrick:
Even if it's a lie?

Eli Gold:
Yes, because it won't be a lie when you tell it. Absence of 'Yes' times 'Time' equals 'No.' That's the law. If you're in doubt you don't say no, you say "Thank you for your advice, all options are open to me, I plan to decide in the next 48 hours."

Alicia Florrick:
But what happens in 48 hours?

Eli Gold:
You do whatever you like, or you delay again. But you never, ever, say "no," because anything could happen.