Big Trouble in Little China

Jack Burton:
Hey, I'm a reasonable guy. But I've just experienced some very unreasonable things.

Jack Burton:
I feel good, and I'm not scared at all. I just feel kind of... kind of invincible... Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

Jack Burton:
You know what Jack Burton always says... what the hell?

Jack Burton:
Like I told my last wife, I said, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides... it's all in the reflexes."

Jack Burton:
Now I'm not saying that I've been everywhere and I've done everything, but I do know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're alone in THIS universe.

Jack Burton:
Everybody relax, I'm here.

Jack Burton:
Tall guy, weird cloths. First you see him, then you don't.

Jack Burton:
This is going to take crackerjack timing.

Jack Burton:
Would you just stop rubbing your body up against mine, because I can't concentrate when you do that.

Jack Burton:
What is that stuff?

Egg Shen:
It is black blood of earth.

Jack Burton:
You mean oil?

Egg Shen:
No, I mean black blood of earth.

Jack Burton:
Ok, you people! Sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president.

Wang Chi:
Here's to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won; here's to America's colors, the colors that never run.

Jack Burton:
May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.

Gracie:
I'd go with you but...

Jack Burton:
I know, there's a problem with your face.

Jack Burton:
Great. Walls are probably three feet thick, welded shut from the outside, and covered with brick by now!

Wang Chi:
Don't give up, Jack!

Jack Burton:
OK, I won't, Wang! Let's just CHEW our way out of here.

Jack Burton:
Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, "Give me your best shot. I can take it."

Jack Burton:
Ready? I was BORN ready.

Wang Chi:
Nothin' or double, Jack.

Jack Burton:
When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."

Jack Burton:
You know what ol' Jack Burton says at a time like this?

Thunder:
Who?

Jack Burton:
Jack Burton... ME!

Jack Burton:
All I know is that this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds while he just STANDS there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with LIGHT coming out of his mouth!

Jack Burton:
We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, Wang?

Jack Burton:
What's in the flask, Egg? Magic potion?

Egg Shen:
Yeah.

Jack Burton:
Thought so, good. What do we do, drink it?

Egg Shen:
Yeah!

Jack Burton:
Good, thought so.

Egg Shen:
It will come out no more!

Jack Burton:
What? HUH? What will come out no more?

Egg Shen:
...

Jack Burton:
Dammit!

Jack Burton:
and go off and rule the universe from beyond the grave...

Lo Pan:
Indeed

Jack Burton:
or check into a psycho ward, which ever comes first huh.

Jack Burton:
Son of a b*tch must pay!

Wang Chi:
That's why the bottle didn't slice. My mind and my spirit are goin' north and south.

Eddie:
Well sure it was a war. And anybody that showed up was gonna join Lem Lee in the Hell Of Being Cut To Pieces.

Jack Burton:
Hell of being what?

Eddie:
Chinese have a lot of Hells.

Wang Chi:
Jack, listen, I need more of your help. I can't pay you today, OK?

Jack Burton:
Oh sh*t.

Wang Chi:
How can I? I need all my cash for Miao Yin.

Eddie:
And it's gonna cost. She's got green eyes.

Gracie:
Oh no, seriously? Oh, that's an extra to these people. It's like leather bucket seats, it's double the price.

Uncle Chu:
What the hell is Gracie Law doing here?

Jack Burton:
She can't get enough of me.

Gracie:
Hah! He wishes.

Jack Burton:
I don't get this at all. I thought Lo Pan.

Lo Pan:
Shut up Mr Burton! You were not brought upon this world to get it!

Jack Burton:
Hollow?

Wang Chi:
Hollow.

Jack Burton:
F*** it.

Jack Burton:
Okay, I get the picture White Tigers, Lords of Death, guys in funny suits throwing plastic explosives while poison arrows fall from the sky and the pillars of heaven shake, huh? Sure, okay, I see Charlie Chan, Fu Manchu and a hundred howlin' monkey temples, and that's just for starters, right? Fine! I'm back! I'm ready, goddammit let me at 'em!

Jack Burton:
This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I'm talkin' to whoever's out there.

Jack Burton:
Henry Swanson's my name, and excitement's my game.

White Tiger:
Cash or charge?

Jack Burton:
Oh gosh, cash I guess. I mean it's not deductible is it.

Jack Burton:
Oh my god. What is that? Don't tell me!

Egg Shen:
A guardian. Whatever it sees, Lo Pan knows!

Jack Burton:
Hey Wang, these guys, these Sing Dings...

Wang Chi:
The Chang Sings

Jack Burton:
...they have enimies?

Wang Chi:
The Wing Kong

Jack Burton:
Who wear red turbans?

Jack Burton:
I'm gonna tell you about my truck, and I DON'T wanna hear "act of God"!

Jack Burton:
What does that mean? Huh? "China is here." I don't even know what the hell that means.

Margo:
This is just so shocking. I mean I must just be so monumentally naive.

Eddie:
You are.

Lo Pan:
And now, my beloved disciples. The moment of truth... the needle of love.

Lo Pan:
What does it mean? Two girls with green eyes. After all these years.

Gracie:
You bastard, unchain me. You're not gonna get away with this. Where's Lo Pan?

Lo Pan:
This one has fire as well!

Thunder:
Play your cards right... you live to talk about it!

Jack Burton:
Which Lo Pan? The little old basket case on wheels or the ten foot tall roadblock?

Egg Shen:
Can see things no one else can see. Do things no one else can do.

Jack Burton:
Real things?

Egg Shen:
As real as Lo Pan!

Jack Burton:
Hey, what more can a guy ask for?

Egg Shen:
Oh, a six-demon bag!

Jack Burton:
Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?

Egg Shen:
Wind, fire, all that kind of thing!

Pinstripe lawyer:
Okay. But if I'm gonna be your attorney, then there are a few things I need to make clear. Like... you really believe in magic?

Egg Shen:
You mean Chinese black magic?

Pinstripe lawyer:
Yes, I suppose.

Egg Shen:
Oh, absolutely.

Pinstripe lawyer:
And, uh, things like spooks and demons and goblins?

Egg Shen:
Oh, sure. And sorcery.

Pinstripe lawyer:
And I suppose you expect me to believe in sorcery as well?

Egg Shen:
Of course!

Pinstripe lawyer:
Why?

Egg Shen:
Because it's real.

Pinstripe lawyer:
How can I know that, Mr. Shen?

Egg Shen:
How?

Pinstripe lawyer:
Yes, how? Help me out here. Please, how?

Egg Shen:
See? That was nothing. But that's how it always begins. Very small.

Jack Burton:
[pointing to Chinese writing in an elevator] What does that say?

Wang:
Hell of Boiling Oil.

Jack Burton:
You're kidding.

Wang:
Yeah, I am. It says "Keep Out."

Margo:
Oh come on, Jack. (points at the knife he is cleaning) You're not a one man army!

Jack:
I know but still. You're staying top-side with Eddie and Uncle Chu!

Margo:
(points to where Eddie is sitting) Eddie? But he...

Jack:
I know. He has a crush on ya!

Gracie:
(Jack's truck starts) What was that?

Jack:
6.9 on the Richter scale!

David Lo Pan:
Mr. Burton, if you have an influence over your youthful friend, you'd better exert it now! Otherwise, I will have both of you rowed off to the hell where people are skinned alive! It's that simple, understand?

David Lo Pan:
This place is my tomb. I'm buried here. A young man, a king, a warrior, is entombed in this old man's crippled body. And all I need is a woman, Mr. Burton — a special kind of woman with dragon-green eyes — to make me whole and young again, so that I may rule the universe from beyond this grave!

David Lo Pan:
There are always others, are there not? You seem to be one who knows the difficulties between men and women, how seldom it works out. And yet we all keep trying, like fools!

David Lo Pan:
Who are these people? Friends of yours, huh? Now this really pisses me off to no end!

David Lo Pan:
Oh, Miao Yin. I need you Miao Yin — you whose eyes flash like emerald lightning. Ching Dai! Make me flesh again soon.