The Magic School Bus

Arnold:
I *knew* I should've stayed home today!

Phoebe Terese:
I might have made a mistake about that lizard. And I might have made a mistake about that jackrabbit. And I might have even made a mistake about that tortoise, but there's one thing I know I'm not wrong about.

Arnold:
How much you wish you'd stayed home today?

Phoebe Terese:
I know Arnold likes rocks, but do you really think he'd swallow one?

Miss Frizzle:
[theme song opening] Seatbelts, everyone!

Arnold:
*Please* let this be a normal field trip.

All:
With the Frizz? No way!

[repeated line]

Miss Frizzle:
Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!

[repeated line, after Carlos makes a joke]

Arnold:
Carlos!

[repeated line]

Miss Frizzle:
Okay, bus, do your stuff!

[repeated line]

Dorothy Ann:
According to my research...

[repeated line]

Miss Frizzle:
To the bus!

Arnold:
It's too cold.

Dorothy Ann:
I guess there's no heater in a bus-igator because it's a reptile.

Arnold:
Then move the bus-igator to where it's warmer.

Dorothy Ann:
[Engine won't turn over] I can't do that either. The bus-igator isn't working.

Arnold:
It's probably too cold, that's why.

Wanda Li:
[on their way to the sound museum] So what if the sound of Carlos's instrument stays...

[instrument sounds of rattles, grinds, and groans]

Wanda Li:
...just like that?

Dorothy Ann:
Ooh, our concerto will be ruined. All the other schools will laugh at us, and it'll be the end of the world as we know it. Other than that, nothing.

Phoebe Terese:
C'mon, Arnold, let him go. It's just an egg.

Arnold:
But it's Dr. Skeledon's egg. And it's up to me to get it back to her!

Phoebe Terese:
Gee, what a guy!

Arnold:
Ms. Frizzle could be on Saturn, couldn't she?

Wanda Li:
Okay, Arnold, but it's YOUR job to keep your crazy cousin under control!

Wanda Li:
Cheer up, Arnold. A famous poet once said, "All the world's a field trip, and all the kids in our class are merely guinea pigs"... or did Ms. Frizzle say that?

Wanda Li:
[of the robot] He doesn't move or bend!

Phoebe Terese:
He doesn't do anything!

Keesha Franklin:
Haha! Just like Ralphie!

Keesha Franklin:
That's not blood, that's tomato juice! Like Ms. Frizzle served at the class picnic!

Ralphie Tennelli:
[about an asteroid] Look! A flying potato!

[repeated line]

Wanda Li:
What are we gonna do, what are we gonna do, what are we gonna do?

Phoebe Terese:
[reading the feeding chart at a reptile health spa] Feed the lizards only once a week? And the alligators only once a month! How inhumane!

Janet:
Arnold told me all about your field trips, Dorothy Ann.

Dorothy Ann:
[alarmed] What did he say!

Janet:
That they were, and I quote, "highly unusual".

Tim:
Anybody have a good Plan B?

Wanda Li:
There aren't any good Plan Bs, Tim! If they were good, they'd be Plan As!

Phoebe Terese:
There, you don't look nearly so orange now. [giggles]

Arnold:
[looks at reflection] Phoebe! I can't go out there covered in flour! I look like a pumpkin pie!

Phoebe Terese:
[after Arnold has just saved the class from a T-Rex] It's a good thing you didn't stay home today, Arnold!

Keesha Franklin:
It must be cold down there because Saturn's pretty far away from the sun.

Tim:
But Ms. Frizzle said "cold and dark".

Janet:
It could be very, very dark on Saturn!

Carlos Ramon:
Oh, no you don't! You just want to grab more stuff!

Janet:
Hey, I'm just trying to help! If you want to play "Let's Find Ms. Frizzle Without A Map" for the rest of your life, that's *fine* with me!

Phoebe Terese:
[on doing a slam dunk] If only I could just do it once, just to see what it feels like!

Tim:
Patience, Wanda, fishing is an art.

Dorothy Ann:
So is tightrope walking, but we don't have time to learn it.

Wanda Li:
What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?

Phoebe Terese:
Wanda, what're we gonna do?

Phoebe Terese:
At my old school, we never rode on bees.

Keesha Franklin:
We *are* at your old school, Pheobe.

Phoebe Terese:
Oh, right.

[repeated line]

Phoebe Terese:
At my old school...

Phoebe Terese:
At my old school, we'd use a bulldozer to move heavy things.

Janet:
That's *great*, Phoebe. And where're we supposed to get a bulldozer?

Radius Ulna Humerus:
[to Ms. Frizzle] Well, no one's more important than you, my little togglebolt.

Wanda Li:
My little togglebolt?

Phoebe Terese:
Something tells me we shouldn't be here.

Arnold:
Like what?

[they wake up a Tyrannosaurus Rex]

Phoebe Terese:
Like that!

Janet:
We know the real reason why you make a complete wimp like a butterfly as a mascot.

Phoebe Terese:
You do?

Ralphie Tennelli:
We do?

Janet:
Isn't today's soccer game against... your old school?

Mr. Ramon - Carlos' Dad:
Well, you know what they say - bat breath is better than no breath at all! [laughs]

All:
Mr. Ramon!

Mr. Terese:
At Phoebe's old school, we never took field trips.

[Ms. Frizzle is taking the parents through a bat-filled castle]

Mr. Perlstein - Arnold's Dad:
What *is* that smell?

Mr. Ramon - Carlos' Dad:
That's bat poop, Mr. Perlstein. Better get used to it!

Mr. Perlstein - Arnold's Dad:
Maybe we should have stayed home tonight.

Arnold:
[overhearing further down the cave] Dad! You took the words right out of my mouth!

[repeated line]

Ralphie Tennelli:
Is it just me or...

[repeated line]

Wanda Li:
Come on, you weasley wimps!

[repeated line]

Keesha Franklin:
Let's get the facts...

Arnold:
I knew I should've ...

Ralphie Tennelli:
Don't say it, Arnold!

Arnold:
Don't feel bad, Phoebe. Only a giant spider could trap that general.

Phoebe Terese:
Yes! Arnold, you're a genius!

Arnold:
[Phoebe doesn't want Mr. Seedplot to find them] Maybe *you* should have stayed home today, Phoebe.

Ralphie Tennelli:
It's simple. All we have to do is build a robot that looks like me.

Carlos Ramon:
[holds a hubcap up to his face] Like this?

Ralphie Tennelli:
[to the Ralphiebot] Bow to your ruler and master: Ralphie the Magnificent!

Arnold:
It's not bowing.

Keesha Franklin:
Would you blame it? I wouldn't either.

[the class is stuck in the water cycle, and they end up in the girls' bathroom through the plumbing]

Ralphie Tennelli:
Hey, your bathroom is way nicer than ours!

Dorothy Ann:
I'm tired.

Tim Jamal:
I'm hot.

Ralphie Tennelli:
I'm hungry.

Arnold Perlstein:
[importantly] I'm prepared.

Phoebe Terese:
[as the bus, now a plane, flies over mountains] Ms. Frizzle, we must be going the wrong way.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Wrong way? Why, Pheobe, if it weren't for these mountains, there wouldn't even be a desert.

Arnold Perlstein:
[reading his field trip survival guide] Field trip tip number 63: in the event of a rapid loss of altitude, you may want to put on a parachute.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
As I always say, when the going gets hungry, the hungry get going!

Arnold Perlstein:
Field trip tip number 158: when the sun is beating down on your head, put on a hat. Got that covered!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
As I always say: make mistakes, make mistakes, make mistakes! It's the best way to learn something.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
As I always say: if you can't take the heat - whew - get out of the desert!

Ralphie Tennelli:
I hate field trips where we get eaten!

Arnold Perlstein:
Field trip tip number 107: to avoid being eaten, become inedible. What does that mean?

Arnold Perlstein:
Field trip tip number 257: To beat the heat, do like most desert animals: come out only at night.

Arnold Perlstein:
Field trip tip number 999: for those without desert adaptations, always travel with a teacher with frizzy red hair.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Well what a surprise! We're a different size!

Ralphie Tennelli:
Man, if the small intestine was Scuba World, the large intestine must be *Smell* World!

Ralphie Tennelli:
I get it! The bloodstream is kind of like a - pizza delivery service, except it delivers energy!

Carlos Ramon:
Speaking of energy, where's Wanda?

Wanda Li:
[ghostly] Arrrrrrrnollllllld...

Arnold Perlstein:
Huh? I've heard my stomach growl before, but - talk?

Wanda Li:
Arrrrrrrnollllllld - are *you* about to eat Ralphie's mallowblasterrrr?

Arnold Perlstein:
Uh, no... I-I mean, yes! Eeeee! Wait a second! Who *is* this?

Wanda Li:
This is your conscience, Arnold. You know you musn't eat Ralphie's mallowblaster. Besides, you're not even hungry.

Arnold Perlstein:
Not hungry? But I could eat a...

Wanda Li:
You just *think* you're hungry, but what you *really* are is - thirsty.

Arnold Perlstein:
I am?

Wanda Li:
Trust me, you are. Now there's a nice bottle of seltzer in Wanda's lunchbag. That's what you really want.

Arnold Perlstein:
[hesitantly reaching for the seltzer] Well - OK, I-I guess. Hey, how come it's OK to drink Wanda's seltzer, but it's *not* OK to eat Ralphie's mallowblaster?

Wanda Li:
Because Wanda is a far kinder, more generous human being than Ralphie when it comes to sharing.

Arnold Perlstein:
Then how come when *she* gets a mallowblaster, she hogs it all to herself?

Wanda Li:
Look, I'm your conscience, all right? Just do what I say and drink the seltzer. Now!

Arnold Perlstein:
[to Liz] Time me.

[drinks the seltzer]

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
In just a few moments, we'll be landing in Arnold's stomach. Thank you for flying Digestion Airways.

Wanda Li:
What are we gonna do, what are we gonna do, what are we gonna do?

Phoebe Terese:
Wanda, what are we gonna do?

Arnold Perlstein:
One field trip for them, one bag of Cheezie Weezies for me.

Keesha Franklin:
Poor Arnold, looks like he's got a hole in his stomach.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Not a hole, Keesha, a valve. The doorway to his small intestine!

Arnold Perlstein:
Ah, nothing like Cheezie Weezies with a green olive chaser.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Class, welcome to the esophagus!

Carlos Ramon:
The asparagus?

Dorothy Ann:
[chuckles] No Carlos, the esophagus. It's where your food goes after you swallow.

Dorothy Ann:
Hey, why hasn't the gum been digested?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
A few things are too tough to be broken up and dissolved.

Phoebe Terese:
Like - school buses, right?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
There's only one way to find out.

Phoebe Terese:
At my old school, we were never allowed to be digested.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Never say "never", Pheobe.

Dorothy Ann:
[nervously] But according to my research, after chewing comes swallowing!

Dorothy Ann:
I don't get it. *I* thought we were supposed to answer the question about what happens to the food we eat.

Tim Jamal:
Yeah, where *are* we going?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Not far class, not far at all. Here we gooooo!

Arnold:
Ms. Frizzle, no matter what, I'll never miss another field trip. Never-ever, ever, *ever*!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Wonderful, Arnold.

Arnold:
Starting - right after the next one.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
As I always say, no guts, no digestion!

Arnold:
Boy, it's - kind of empty in here. I wonder where they went? Well, wherever they are, they don't have me to slow 'em down anymore.

Carlos Ramon:
[after the bus lands in Arnold's stomach] Now that's what I call a belly flop. [the others laugh]

Dorothy Ann:
Here at United Digestion, we believe in breaking things down. We start with the raw material of the food, put it in the mouth, and use the finest teeth in the world to tear, grind, and crush it into pieces small enough to swallow. Then the food gets pushed down the esophagus line and into Stomach Central, where we add acids, and other chemicals to break the food down, and dissolve it into a liquid. And that's only *half* of what we do here at United Digestion.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
As I always say, Ralphie, digested is not delivered.

Arnold:
Olive eating, now that's a school record I could go for.

Wanda Li:
Man, when it comes to digestion, Arnold *doesn't* mess around.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
You haven't seen anything yet.

Ralphie Tennelli:
[nervously] You mean there's more?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Mm-hmm.

Wanda Li:
[cheering] All right, Arnold!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
That's the large intestine for you. It removes the water from the leftovers.

Dorothy Ann:
Here at United Digestion, what we digest, we deliver. as the villi in the small intestine soak up the nutrients in the food, the nutrients are transferred into the bloodstream. And the bloodstream delivers the nutrients to *all* parts of the body. Because here at United Digestion, we believe in turning food... [eats the tip of a carrot] into fuel.

Ralphie Tennelli:
I smell like an ant... just what I always wanted.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Really Ralphie? Me too!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Ah, nature never ceases to amaze me.

Keesha Franklin:
Scum, tuna fish sandwich - scum, tuna fish sandwich. What's in a tuna fish sandwich, anyway?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
As I always say, if the shoe is clean, wear it.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
H20, here we go!

Carlos Ramon:
Where there's a will, there's a wave!

Phoebe Terese:
At my old school, we weren't allowed to bring the sun to class.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
So get messy, make mistakes, get out there and explore!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
You may not like anchovies, Ralphie, but they might like you!

Keesha Franklin:
I've got it; I've got the connection! What eats phytoplankton? Zooplankton! And what eats zooplankton? Little fish like anchovies! [a tuna is about to eat up the bus] And what eats little fish like anchovies? [no answer from the class] Well?

Carlos Ramon, Phoebe Terese, Dorothy Ann, Ralphie Tennelli, Wanda Li, Tim Jamal:
Tuna fish! [all scream as Keesha sees the tuna about to eat the bus, then she joins in]

Wanda Li:
This is it, Ralphie, the wave of our dreams!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
When we get back to the classroom, we will discuss our observations.

Keesha Franklin:
[watching Ms. Frizzle surf after the bus has transformed into a surfboard] Arnold, do you observe what I observe?

Arnold Perlstein:
She's hanging ten! There really is more to Ms. Frizzle than meets the eye.

Keesha Franklin:
So to wrap up our report, allow us to show you the artwork we've commissioned. An original "Tim".

Arnold Perlstein:
Here we have our recent experience: the ocean food chain. It works like this. Scum, or phytoplankton, are eaten by zooplankton, which are eaten by small fish like anchovies, which are eaten by big fish like tuna!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
And this class, is a *land* food chain.

Tim Jamal:
Yeah, a mouse eats grass seed.

Wanda Li:
A snake eats the mouse.

Carlos Ramon:
And the hawk eats the snake.

Ralphie Tennelli:
[presenting their "two beach things that go together" report to the class] Why the sun and dune grass go together, by us. All rights reserved.

Phoebe Terese:
Dune grass, like other plants, uses energy from the sun to make its own food. No sun, no dune grass.

Ralphie Tennelli:
No sun, no nothing!

Keesha Franklin:
It's probably cold down there because Saturn's pretty far away from the sun.

Tim:
But Ms. Frizzle said "cold and dark".

Janet:
It could be very, very dark on Saturn!

Carlos Ramon:
Oh, no you don't! You just want to grab more stuff!

Janet:
Hey, I'm just trying to help! If you want to play "Let's Find Ms. Frizzle Without A Map" for the rest of your life, that's fine with me!

Dorothy Ann:
[as the bus orbits the earth, the class is experiencing zero gravity] We're weightless!

Arnold:
We're in trouble!

Janet:
No, Arnold, we're in orbit around the earth!

Janet:
There's no way I'm going home without my stuff!

Arnold:
There's no way I'm going home without you.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
As I always say, class, you're out of this world.

Ralphie Tennelli:
We're lost in space!

Ralphie Tennelli, Janet, Dorothy Ann, Keesha Franklin, Tim, Carlos Ramon, Arnold, Wanda Li, Phoebe Terese:
We're lost in space!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Well, since we're lucky enough to have a guest today, I say it's the perfect time for a - field trip!

Arnold:
*Nobody* is better than Ms. Frizzle.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Welcome to outer space, class. The only planetarium open 24 hours a day, seven days a week! And how are all my astronauts doing? [the others laugh]

Phoebe Terese:
We hardly weigh anything compared to my old planet earth.

Keesha Franklin:
I wonder if that mean's there's less gravity pulling on us here.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Exactly, Keesha. Good thinking. [chuckles briefly] Come along, class, follow the bouncing lizard. This way, please.

Janet:
I got straight As on all my reports.

Carlos Ramon, Wanda Li, Ralphie Tennelli, Dorothy Ann:
We know, we know, enough already!

Carlos Ramon:
If the ones that hit the planet are called meteorites, what do you call the ones that miss?

Wanda Li:
What?

Carlos Ramon:
[as he and the rest of the class jump down a cliff] Meteor-wroooooongs!

Keesha Franklin:
I wonder if Mars could have been another Earth if it had water and wasn't so cold?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Hm, maybe, but as I always say, Mars is the best place for ice cream.

Ralphie Tennelli:
[looking around] Ice cream? Where?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Here. [jumping down a nearby ice cliff] Ice screeeeeeam!

Ralphie Tennelli:
[after an asteroid barely crashes against the bus] What was that?

Phoebe Terese:
What happened?

Dorothy Ann:
What's going on?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Don't worry class, just an unexpected orbital interruption. Let's just see where we are, shall we?

Keesha Franklin:
Air is here air is there down on earth it's everywhere what it does is hard to tell cause air does invisible realy well.

Ralphie Tennelli:
push air in all snug and tight it pushes out with all its might.

Keesha Franklin:
but best of all when you need a ride air under pressure can provide.

Phoebe Terese:
[as the bus approaches her old school] There it is - my old school! What'll Mr. Seedplot say if he sees us?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Wahoo!

Wanda Li:
This is so cool; we're stuck to a bumblebee!

Arnold Perlstein:
I think I should have stayed home today.

Wanda Li:
I think *Bella* should have stayed home today.

Arnold Perlstein:
Herons? Beavers? Where is all this going?

Arnold Perlstein:
Bella, met rock. Rock, meet Bella.

Carlos Ramon:
Oh, I love hoppy endings, don't you?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Wanda, Arnold, I can't have you two hanging out here all day. Come along now.

Carlos Ramon:
Cornelia, if you're out there, will you help me make this thing sound right? [At that moment, a clap of thunder pierces the eerie silence]

Arnold:
Uh, Carlos, Miss Frizzle said if you kept asking questions, you'd keep getting answers. W-was that an answer?

Carlos Ramon:
[seeing a harp string vibrating which Dorothy Ann just plucked] Look at that string moving back and forth.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
That, class, is a vibration. You can feel it.

Carlos Ramon:
[gripping the vibrating harp string] Viiibraaatiiion.

Keesha Franklin:
Let's get the facts: when the string stopped vibrating, the *sound* stopped!

Arnold Perlstein:
I think Ralphie shouldn't have stayed home today.

Ralphie Tennelli:
[after the bus enters his mouth to get to his throat; muffled] Cool. I've never seen that from the outside before.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
As I always say, for every trip, there's a road map.

Arnold Perlstein:
The trick here is, *not* to make eye contact. [whistles]

Ralphie Tennelli:
[pulling back his bandage to reveal his partly clotted scab] Is it just me, or does it say - this way in?

Ralphie Tennelli:
[seeing the rest of the class setting up their TV equipment in his room] Is it just me, or is my entire class standing in my room?

Keesha Franklin:
The FNN news team is nearing the disaster area. [the bus plunges down Ralphie's throat to get to his vocal cords] In a moment we'll have live footage.

Ralphie Tennelli:
[typing at his computer; first lines] I told them I'd have an idea for broadcast day. [coughs] So I'll have an idea for broadcast day. [coughs more] Why don't I have an idea for broadcast day?

Wanda Li:
[in shock over Ralphie's absence on broadcast day] We can't do it without him!

Carlos Ramon:
And we go on in an hour!

Dorothy Ann, Tim Jamal, Keesha Franklin:
Where *is* he?

Ralphie Tennelli:
If I get an idea, I'll still have time to phone it in. [continues typing at his computer] That's it, a phone-in!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
[speaking into a megaphone from the bus] Ah, it was your idea, Ralphie. We're here to get the inside story.

Ralphie Tennelli:
Inside story? Inside what? What about broadcast day?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Think, Ralphie. Where is all the action right now?

Ralphie Tennelli:
The action? [Liz squeezes his nose to try to see what's going on down his throat] Liz, what're you doing? Hang on a second - the action is all inside me. What a great idea. Broadcast day could about what's going on inside me.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Excellent, Ralphie. [rolling her tongue] Rrrrrrrrrroll tape!

Carlos Ramon:
[after Ralphie places the bus next to the partly covered scab on his knee] It's a short cut. Get it, short cut?

Phoebe Terese, Arnold Perlstein, Dorothy Ann, Keesha Franklin:
Carlos, yuck!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Excellent observation, Carlos. Seatbelts, everyone!

Dorothy Ann:
Could we travel through his bloodstream to get to his throat?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Absolutely, Dorothy Ann. [rhythmically] We'll take the Trans-Ralphie Highway System, and here we go! Wahoo!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Ah, now that we're inside Ralphie's throat tissue, time for some on-the-spot reporting - up close and personal.

Arnold Perlstein:
Is Ralphie staying home from school today, Ms. Frizzle?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Yes, I'm afraid so, Arnold.

Wanda Li:
[worrying, then shaking Arnold] What're we gonna do, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Why, we're taking school to him, of course! To the bus!

Ralphie Tennelli:
This is Ralphie for FNN News. My entire class has just dived deep into my cut, and it doesn't even hurt!

Tim Jamal:
What are those?

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Those are tiny, tiny blood vessels. They're all part of the bloodstream. [casts a spell to shrink the bus to fit into one of Ralphie's blood vessels] Eeny-meeny-miny-moooooooooe!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Well, we may have won the battle, class, but he's still fighting the war.

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
[as she enlarges the bus back to its size big enough for everyone else to interview Ralphie one last time, after he sneezes them out] Second floor, boy's socks - going up!

Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
As I always say, it doesn't have to be delicious to be nutritious!

[repeated line]

Oh bad, oh bad, oh bad, bad, bad!