The Morecambe & Wise Show

Eric Morecambe:
[as Cyrano de Bergerac] What would it take for you to kiss me?

Penelope Keith:
[as the Queen of France] Chloroform.

Eric Morecambe:
If I had my whole life to live over again, I'd make all the same mistakes, only sooner.

[Eric tries to play Grieg's piano concerto]

Andr? Previn:
You're playing all the wrong notes.

[Eric stands up and seizes Andr? Previn by the lapels]

Eric Morecambe:
No. I'm playing all the *right* notes. But not *necessarily* in the right order.

Sgt. Arthur Wilson:
Do you think that's Wise, Sir?

Capt. George Mainwaring:
No, that's Morecambe.

Penelope Keith:
I can't get down there in this dress.

Eric Morecambe:
Well do something with the dress.

Penelope Keith:
It's been specially made.

Eric Morecambe:
Yes, I realise that.

Ernie Wise:
Just climb down that.

Penelope Keith:
I really don't like that.

Eric Morecambe:
Now can you get that leg down.

Ernie Wise:
Yes. I'll hold onto it.

Eric Morecambe:
Dignity at all times.

Ernie Wise:
Yes.