The Six Million Dollar Man

[Opening narration, version 1]

Harve Bennett:
Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive.

Oscar Goldman:
We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was. Better, stronger, faster.

[repeated line]

Oscar Goldman:
[when talking on the telephone] This is Oscar Goldman speaking.

[Opening narration, version 2]

Harve Bennett:
Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive.

Oscar Goldman:
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better... stronger... faster.

Col. Steve Austin:
Why don't you go on home to your family, Bob? I can handle things from here on in.

Bob Crandall:
[in an immensely pleased and gratefully relieved tone] Well, thanks, Steve! And Merry Christmas!

Col. Steve Austin:
[playfully feigning gruffness and clapping Bob companionably on the shoulder] Oh - - bah, humbug!

Ferndo Ferraga:
Careless of them not to remain in international waters. Pitty. Ah, careless, careless, careless. Such an advanced oceanographic research vessel, such an emiment American scientist. An astronaut who walked on the moon, but soon will walk no more.

Col. Steve Austin:
How are you, Miss Ellis?

Sharon Ellis:
Oh, I beg your pardon, Colonel?

Col. Steve Austin:
Colonel? After twelve days and twelve nights, nine dazzling sunsets and one full moon, it's still 'Colonel'.

Sharon Ellis:
But I love it, such a nice, pompous title.

Oscar Goldman:
Navy tower, this is Oscar Goldman. My codename: Snow White. Request immediate take-off clearance, priority red one.

Navy Tower:
Roger, Snow White, you're clear for take-off.

Officer:
It's for you, Mr. Goldman. Picked it up on the underground frequency.

Oscar Goldman:
[reading from card] To Snow White. Sneezy needs taxi. Please wait at curb.

Oscar Goldman:
What's all this Colonel business, Miss Ellis business? You mean after all this time you haven't... I mean, nothing has, eh... well. It's a bout time you struck out somewhere, Colonel.

Col. Steve Austin:
Friend indeed.

Carlos Delgado:
Forget it man, I gotta move. I got places to go. You know what I mean?

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, like into my car or back into detention. Now you call it.

Jaime Sommers:
Good old Oscar, never misses a que.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, well, he'll last about 40 seconds with Carlos.

Oscar Goldman:
I asked Carlos how you two got acquainted. And his answer was just unrepeatable.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, I can imagine.

Col. Steve Austin:
Light fingers Delgado strikes again, huh?

Carlos Delgado:
I'm a collector.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, so was Al Capone.

Oscar Goldman:
Steve, would you please tell me what's going on here?

Col. Steve Austin:
Same old story, Oscar: dog bites man, man bites dog, you know.

Carlos Delgado:
Hey, what's with you, man? You gonna ride through the slum on a white horse, hand out silver bullets to all the drunks, try to save everybody?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, it seemed to work for the Lone Ranger.

Smiley:
You better get something and get my money up quick, cause if you don't, there's gonna be more than a flower pot coming down on your head.

Carlos Delgado:
Oh Steve, my stomach is pushed into my throat.

Col. Steve Austin:
Just relax, it'll go back in place.

Smiley:
Fine thing. I expect you to be out hustlin' and gettin' my dough and here you are playing with toys.

Col. Steve Austin:
[looking at a blurry picture of Bigfoot] If Bigfoot ever saw this, he'd turn over in his cave.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
What makes you so sure it isn't Bigfoot?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I said goodbye to him before he travelled back into space with the aliens that created him.

Col. Steve Austin:
That net'll never hold him.

Hope Langston:
I had that net made strong enough to hold King Kong.

Col. Steve Austin:
[to Bigfoot] Is that you my friend?

Jason O'Neal:
Since you got so many ideas, Charlie, what happens if we run into him first?

Charlie:
Heh, finders keepers.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
The bionic half of the brain versus the animal half. One side violent, unpredictable, the other side passive and peaceful.

Col. Steve Austin:
Two minds with one body. Like a Jeckyll and Hyde.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
Each battling for total control.

Col. Steve Austin:
Where's Bigfoot?

Charlie:
Big who?

Col. Steve Austin:
[having thrown Charlie and Jason up into a tree] I'll send the sheriff back with a couple of parachutes.

Josh Lang:
[during spacewalk] Mission, control, I got some news for ya that's gonna shock ya, so you'd better sit down, Listen very carefully. The Earth is flat, gentlemen. That's right, it's flat as a table! [chuckles] Hey wait a minute, there's an elephant holding up the table! And... there's something holding up the elephant... Wait, it's a rhinoceros holding up the elephant. Hey, wait a minute, there's such a... big cloud cover, I can't make out what's holding up the rhinoceros. It's - wait, it's - Oh, no, oh, ah, gentlemen I, I, I, I don't know how to tell you this, I'm just gonna have to... come right out and say it. The table, the elephant, the rhinoceros are all being held up by a beautiful, a gorgeous 20 year old girl. There goes the old ego, amongst other things.

Technician:
Don't your legs ever run out from under ya?

Col. Steve Austin:
Not any more.

Josh Lang:
With your bionic strength and my... far out brain, we're superior types, think about it, Steve. We're the... beginning of a whole new species.

Josh Lang:
Do you realize what we could learn if we send one of those dolphins up into space into that electrical field? Why there's no... mystery in the universe that you and I couldn't solve!

Oscar Goldman:
Josh is right, there is a mistake in the computer program.

Col. Steve Austin:
And his sun as the origin of space theory?

Oscar Goldman:
Completely valid. I've got all the printouts here to prove it.

Oscar Goldman:
I've ordered all material that's come through O.S.I. in the past 24 hours to be coded with this chemical. I want you to check every pair of hands in O.S.I. particularly personel that don't come in contact with this top secret material. I want you to get this inside man. I want you to break this ring and most of all, find out who's behind all this.

O'Flaherty:
[pointing a gun at Steve] Well, old buddy, looks like I'm gonna have to find me a new handball partner.

Col. Steve Austin:
I hope you've got an answer for this.

O'Flaherty:
Yeah, I've been stealing material from you guys, yes. But only to use as bait. I'm an agent with the O.G.A.

Col. Steve Austin:
The what?

O'Flaherty:
The O.G.A. Have you ever, you ever heard of the O.G.A?

Col. Steve Austin:
Never.

O'Flaherty:
I can't help that.

Col. Steve Austin:
What's it stand for?

O'Flaherty:
I can't tell you, man, it's a secret organization.

Oscar Goldman:
[on phone] Yes Steve, I have heard of the O.G.A. But it's so secret nobody on the Hill knows who or how many there are.

Col. Steve Austin:
You know, one mistake and we play handball again, and you're the ball.

O'Flaherty:
If it wasn't so dark you could see me shaking.

Major Frederick Sloan:
[Steve has beaten Fred at tennis] I never though I'd see the day you'd beat me three straight sets.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, you've still got your memories, Fred.

Gavern Wilson:
When was the last time you saw Mr. Austin?

Robot:
[imprinted with Fred Sloan's memories] Mister? You mean Colonel Austin, don't ya? Steve would cringe if anybody would call him mister. He's all airforce, there's not a drop of mister in him. The last time I saw my buddy Steve Austin was on the tennis court this morning.

Gavern Wilson:
[watching on monitors of what the Robot picks up] The reception's quite good, considering the distance.

Dr. Dolenz:
Naturally, we're bouncing off the satellite I leased.

Col. Steve Austin:
[the robot posting as Fred Sloan has driven a car off the road] Well, that was fun.

Robot:
I'm sorry Steve, I got a cramp in my foot.

Col. Steve Austin:
You know, between your footcramp and this flat tire, we're never gonna make it.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, if he's gonna fight us, our chances of escape drop from fair to zero.

Leon Jackson:
Don't worry, Alex is a good boy, he'll obey me.

Col. Steve Austin:
Am I gonna have to tie you up?

Alex Jackson:
I don't wanna leave here.

Col. Steve Austin:
What are you trying to do, get us killed?

Alex Jackson:
You maybe. But they wouldn't kill us.

Col. Steve Austin:
Look, I don't have time to give you a political education.

Alex Jackson:
I don't want your education, or your country.

Boris:
Alex... have a good life, my friend!

Col. Steve Austin:
You know, Alex, over here you can be anything you wanna be, if you wanna do it badly enough.

Oscar Goldman:
[on phone] Steve, nobody, nobody is going to aprove the outlay of billions of dollars for construction and equipment on land that's on an earthquake's fault.

Col. Steve Austin:
[in public phone booth] Tell that to the people in San Francisco, pal.

Colonel Vasily Zuchov:
[Steve has just fended off a falling girder with his bionic arm] That girder, how did you do that?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, sometimes that Potato Vodka does more for ya than just give you a headache.

Col. Steve Austin:
And as long as being trapped down here, we are only trapped as long as we sit here crying in our Vodka's, right?

Colonel Vasily Zuchov:
You Americans, you are always so... so optimistic.

Col. Steve Austin:
My friend, I don't know any other way. Let's go.

General Koslenko:
The last tremor that we had here disrupted our computer. Now Mr. Goldman, our computer has activated a nuclear weapon which is going to go off in less than one hour.

Oscar Goldman:
General, there was no mention of a nuclear weapon.

General Koslenko:
Well, there was no need to mention it. Now my two officers and Colonel Austin are trying to stop the detonation, but I must tell you that it's hopeless.

Irina Leonova:
Of course! You have a Geiger counter in your arm.

Col. Steve Austin:
It came with the equipment. I never thought I'd have a use for it, though.

Oscar Goldman:
[speaking to Rudy Wells on the intercom] If something should happen to Steve, what are we gonna do without you?

Dr. Rudy Wells:
[on hotel phone in Austria] After all these years, my alma mater decides to honor me with a doctorate and you try and turn it into a crisis.

Col. Steve Austin:
He's jealous. All he ever gets from his alma mater is a bill for union dues.

Alfredo Tucelli:
Now I don't understand anything about science or scientists, but you are a man, Dr. Wells. And I know how to get a man to cooperate with me.

Col. Steve Austin:
[to Austrian waitress] Excuse me, but how would you say 'Stop watching him and get outta here right away' in Austrian?

Dr. Rudy Wells:
Get me 10 cc's of Dexathol. After I've injected it into him, he'll follow your instructions to the letter.

Alfredo Tucelli:
You would do that to your creation... to your friend?

Dr. Rudy Wells:
To stop you from killing him, yes.

Oscar Goldman:
Rudy, I'm sorry you're not getting the acclaim you deserve but your work has to be classified top secret.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
Oh, I appreciate what you're saying, Oscar, and I'm not being humble, but... my reward is in seeing Steve function. Not his extraordinary powers, but just living day to day.

Col. Steve Austin:
The day that I see a murder and don't do anything about it, then this million bucks worth of technology I'm carrying around in my eye isn't worth two cents.

Col. Steve Austin:
[Steve Austin has just purchased a hotdog from Dorsey] Now tell me about Victor Richie.

Dorsey:
Hey... [slight stutter] I don't have anything to do with him.

Col. Steve Austin:
Come on, Dorsey, I don't want to play games. Now Oscar tells me you've been passing out information since you were in shorts pants.

Oscar Goldman:
First change we'll get, we'll have your bionic eye checked. Maybe the infrared's on the blink.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar, I know what I saw.

John Hopper:
What are you?

Col. Steve Austin:
Just a man who knows what he sees. Let's go.

Lorin Sandusky:
How did you recognize him in the dark like that?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I eat a lot of carrots. [Oscar almost chokes on his champagne]

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar, eh, what if the guy I saw killed turned out to be a nobody, what would you really have done?

Oscar Goldman:
Oh, here we go. I don't deal with nobodies, pal.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, then lets drink to all the nobodies Victor Richie stepped on all these years, huh?

Oscar Goldman:
I'll drink to that.

Col. Steve Austin:
Collins, where would he keep such a notebook?

Will Collins:
Well, normally in his safe, but then, he hasn't been too normal lately.

Col. Steve Austin:
[about to show Oscar a card trick] At no time will my fingers leave my hands.

Col. Steve Austin:
Audrey, you don't have to use that gift of yours all the time. Like I don't have to use bionics. Now if I wanna get to the second floor of a department building, I don't leap up, I can take an elevator.

Col. Steve Austin:
[Audrey is giggling at Steve Austin's disguise] What's so funny?

Audrey Moss:
You look like Clark Gable.

Col. Steve Austin:
That's enough, Scarlett.

Col. Steve Austin:
[as magician Steve Andrews] Aha, the magic cube. Won't you join us, magic cube?

Audrey Moss:
We really make a super pair, don't we?

Col. Steve Austin:
We do sure do.

Col. Steve Austin:
Here you are, my lady, the pumpkin ride is over.

Audrey Moss:
Oh, gee and I didn't even get to keep my glass slippers. Oh well, thanks for the ride.

Col. Steve Austin:
I just wanted to make sure you didn't run away for a wicked life on the stage. Make sure you got back on the groove.

Audrey Moss:
Yeah, back in the groove...

Audrey Moss:
You're holding Steve prisoner!

Mark Wharton:
I was wondering how soon you'd pick that up. [laughs] You are truly a marvel.

Jaime Sommers:
[quite weak] Callahan was a robot. The other woman was too. She the one, eh, I was chasing, the one that kidnapped Oscar. I had a fight with both of them in Callahan's apartment. Steve, they're stronger than bionics!

Doctor Franklin:
So, there are two bionic people! Well done, Rudy, that's marvelous. After I take over the OSI, I'll have to go through all of Rudy's files. See if he has any other wonderful surprises for us.

Doctor Franklin:
How much did your bionic man cost you, Oscar? Five, six million dollars? We shall soon see if it was a good investment, won't we?

Lynda Wilson:
[looking at her Fembot duplicate] Boy, it's spooky looking at myself.

Doctor Rudy Wells:
Not only that, do you know she weighs 482 pounds?

Lynda Wilson:
Well that teaches me one thing.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah? What's that?

Lynda Wilson:
I'd better go on a diet.

Doctor Franklin:
I was right. Colonel Austin is on to something. He's never refused a direct order of yours before, has he?

Oscar Goldman:
Quite often, Franklin. As a matter of fact, when he does do what I tell him to, I'm quite surprised.

Sister Annett:
Are you the colonel Austin who walked on the moon?

Col. Steve Austin:
That's right.

Sister Annett:
[to Sister Terese] Get my camera!

Josh Perkins:
Man, nobody can run that fast. What are you anyway?

Col. Steve Austin:
What's your security clearance?

Josh Perkins:
What... what's that got to do with it? I'm a five.

Col. Steve Austin:
Sorry, I'm classified six.

Josh Perkins:
Eh, Steve, about those improvements? [meaning Steve's bionic replacements]

Col. Steve Austin:
What about them?

Josh Perkins:
Do they come in black?

Sister Annett:
Sister, can you imagine what help colonel Austin would be building a new mission?

Josh Perkins:
Steve, what is it?

Col. Steve Austin:
An entire patrol climbing up.

Josh Perkins:
We got a machine gun, I'll take care of 'em.

Oscar Goldman:
Next time you want a holiday, I'll let you have it as long as you're only gone for one day.

John Dine:
[posing as Steve Austin] I knew you'd say something like that.

Ed Jasper:
Johnny... still not used to that face!

Col. Steve Austin:
[posing as John Dine] Well, neither am I.

Breezy:
[Austin, posing as Dine faces Breezy in the boxing ring] You'r a dead man, Dine.

Col. Steve Austin:
You're gonna take me to your boss.

Breezy:
No, I'll mess up that brand new face of yours... again. And then I'm gonna snuff you out.

Col. Steve Austin:
Any time you're ready.

Oscar Goldman:
Steve, I've been coming to the fights here for years, this is some of the best action I've ever seen. Oh, you two don't know each other. Steve Austin, Marcus Grayson.

Col. Steve Austin:
How ya doin', Marcus?

Marcus Grayson:
I can't complain, Steve.

Marcus Grayson:
That right hand of yours, what is it made of, iron?

Col. Steve Austin:
Not exactly, but you're close.

Marcus Grayson:
Man, I believe it!

Oscar Goldman:
After what's happened this week, how am I ever gonna be sure that it's you?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I got an idea, everytime I come into the office, you can kick me in the shins. And if I yell, it's not me. [they laugh]

Col. Steve Austin:
You know, Oscar, there's been something I've been meaning to ask you. Do you ever have a leisurely meal?

Oscar Goldman:
Only on weekends, pal, and sometimes not even then.

Col. Steve Austin:
Mrs Thatcher would like to see her husband right away, Mr. Markos.

Col. Steve Austin:
[patting Markos' shoulder with his bionic hand] Do exactly as I say, or I'll break your neck.

Barbara Thatcher:
Oh Steve, you have a wonderful way of making things easier... and harder at the same time.

Jaime Sommers:
Why do you suppose Oscar wanted us to meet him here?

Jaime Sommers:
I dunno. It was nice spending the afternoon with you, though.

Jaime Sommers:
I was just gonna say that.

Col. Steve Austin:
You can still say it.

Oscar Goldman:
Steve, I want you to meet Tanya.

Col. Steve Austin:
Sure.

Oscar Goldman:
You're going to be her official escort while she's in the United States.

Col. Steve Austin:
Escort? Why?

Jaime Sommers:
Hm. Why me indeed? I mean, you just happen to be handsome, eh, famous, and terribly charming when you wanna be.

Oscar Goldman:
Now wait a minute.

Jaime Sommers:
Oh Oscar, if you happen to have any eh, handsome male Russian dignitaries to come over here and need an escort, you do know where to find me, right?

Oscar Goldman:
I know where to reach you. Ojai.

Col. Steve Austin:
Hey, last night you tried a hamburger. What do you say today we try a hot dog?

Tanya:
I have heard of them. I have mine with the works.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, the works you get.

Uri Gargon:
Where is your boyfriend, your big American hero?

Tanya:
Uri, go play with your dumbbells.

Uri Gargon:
You would not have spoken to me like this before you met the American.

Tanya:
You are silly fool.

Col. Steve Austin:
Am I interrupting something?

Major Kelly Wood:
[under hospital-room arrest, and seeing Steve at the outside window] What are you doing here?

Col. Steve Austin:
I came to serenade ya.

Major Kelly Wood:
Do you know "Melancholy Baby"?

Farmer's Wife:
What is it, Henry?

Farmer:
[having caught sight of Steve Austin running at high speed] Suspect I'll be needing a new pair of glasses, Martha. Beginning to see funny things...

Cal:
Now we must be carrying an extra passenger.

Zeb:
What?

Cal:
Well figure it out. You weigh a hundred and seventy, right? ? According to the scale back there, we way three hundred and seventy pounds more than this truck did when it left the factory. That means a guy who weighs about two hundred pounds.

Zeb:
What are you talking about? Where? How? I mean, the door's locked, sealed, I checked it!

Cal:
I don't know, but we've got a passenger.

Ted Swenson:
[pointing a gun at Col. Austin] Hold it! What are you doing here?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I came to get my truck back. If I lose it, it comes out of my check.

Oscar Goldman:
The reflector is useless. Colonel Austin removed the the key transistor. I assure you it won't work, it's useless.

Gen. Wiley:
That's not good enough for me, Mr. Goldman. I can't let them get away with that reflector.

Doctor Clea Broder:
Steve, the things you did on the plane, and even before that, the way you knocked down that door... how did you do it?

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, slight of hand, slight of foot.

Doctor Clea Broder:
Oh really?

Oscar Goldman:
Dr. Broder, he fascinates a lot of women with those tricks. I, well, I have to rely on my native charm.

Rick Laport:
You gotta trust me. This is a hand picked crew, all guys I met in prison and they're beautiful.

George Yokum:
I'll tell Mr. Austin, Goldie is one beautiful guy. [referring to Oscar Goldman]

Col. Steve Austin:
Goldie?

George Yokum:
Yeah, he's a good guy, don't you know?

Col. Steve Austin:
That truck, Larry, is our ticket to freedom.

Larry Bronco:
Might as well be the moon.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, well, I've been to the moon. It's not as far as you think, pal.

Larry Bronco:
First time I've ever been on two winning teams in one day.

Susan Abbott:
Wait a minute. Mr. Goldman in Washington sent you to tell me that my father is missing, right?

Col. Steve Austin:
That's right.

Susan Abbott:
Mr. Austin, are you trying to pick me up?

Col. Steve Austin:
No, but...

Susan Abbott:
Then why don't you go and take a tour of a Moorish Castle, and take Mr. Goldman with you, huh?

Susan Abbott:
Hey, how did you stop the cab?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, by ruining my best pair of boots.

Oscar Goldman:
You must have the wrong office, you want the purchasing office, Mr. Le Duc.

Le Duc:
We have energy to sell, Mr. Goldman.

Oscar Goldman:
I see, but you don't, eh...

Le Duc:
Cheap, non-polluting, inexhaustible supply. Energy that is capable of powering a... portable laser projector, Mr. Goldman.

[Le Duc now has Oscar's undivided attention]

Big Frank:
What's going on, Boss?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I'm not sure, it could be trouble.

Big Frank:
Hey, then I can really start earning my money. I'm a good fighter. They don't get up when I get through.

Col. Steve Austin:
I appreciate your offer, Frank, but it won't be that kind of trouble. They'll have guns.

Doctor Samuel Abbott:
Susan, I've licked it. After all these years, the laser works perfectly!

Susan Abbott:
This man Belson, are you really sure about him?

Doctor Samuel Abbott:
Darling, John Belson has been protecting me and working with me since the Manhatten project. I've known the man for almost 28 years. Why should I start doubting him now?

Susan Abbott:
I've been such a fool.

[her father gently laughs at her apparent "foolishness", not knowing that he himself is the real fool to be trusting Belson]

Susan Abbott:
[speaking very rapidly] Steve, Steve, you were right about Belson, he is the enemy agent and he's got my father and...

Col. Steve Austin:
No time for apologies now, let's get your dad outta here.

Susan Abbott:
How did you get free?

Col. Steve Austin:
It's an old Indian trick.

Doctor Samuel Abbott:
Where are Belson and his men?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, as soon as you can prove you're the real Dr. Abbot, I'll be happy to explain.

Susan Abbott:
[laughs] I think you had that coming, Dad.

Doctor Samuel Abbott:
[rather a fake laugh] Yes...

Doctor Samuel Abbott:
How could you have know that by removing this, that projector would explode? Well, don't tell me that you have a background in biocanical electronics?

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, I've snuck into a few classes here at MIT, professor.

Oscar Goldman:
Steve has taken advanced science classes at, eh, at other universities as well, Doctor.

Doctor Samuel Abbott:
Him? I thought he was a football player.

Oscar Goldman:
That, too.

Col. Steve Austin:
[pretending to be gifted at ESP] I just saw... a bottle of wine, flickering candles and an incredibly beautiful sunset.

Susan Abbott:
I really like your visions.

Col. Steve Austin:
You do?

[she nods]

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, let's go.

General Carmichael:
They say you're going to be the next mayor of Creego County, Mr. Breen.

Breen:
Well I've been thinking of trying for it.

Julia Flood:
Speaking for myself, I'd do anything I could, to help Mrs. Collins, that I would.

Julia Flood:
Do you know who Commander Ten in the I.B.A. is?

Julia Flood:
No I don't.

Col. Steve Austin:
He's the most mysterious hunted figure in the I.B.A. His deeds are legendary with the people. There are song about him.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, Julia, it's Mr. Whatshisname, who sat two rows behind me on the plane.

Julia Flood:
That disease we're all suffering from on this little island, it's called mistrust.

Julia Flood:
Are you the boss of a lot of men in America?

Col. Steve Austin:
No, just one: me.

Col. Steve Austin:
I've never liked women who handle guns, but you're something else.

Julia Flood:
I don't understand.

Col. Steve Austin:
If we come out of this in one piece, I'd like you to come to America with me. I'll show you Washington, New York, the West Coast.

Julia Flood:
It's a date, then.

General Carmichael:
We don't make deals with terrorists, Colonel Austin. We imprison them, or execute them.

Col. Steve Austin:
I won't let you execute his hostage!

Col. Steve Austin:
Well thanks for the ride, Oscar. I'll try and forget the conversation.

Oscar Goldman:
This conversation's not over yet, Steve. I asked you to give a guy a break. I think you're entitled to know why. The fact is: I owe Senator Edward Hill, and so do you.

Col. Steve Austin:
How?

Oscar Goldman:
Two years ago, I needed six million dollars for a very special project. He ran that money through the senate appropriations committee with no questions asked because he respeced my need for secrecy. To this day he doesn't know where that money went.

Col. Steve Austin:
I see. So I'm in the Senator's debt. [sighs] Well, there's not much I can do about it.

A.F. Major Phillips:
You're early, Jill.

Airman Jill Denby:
Oh, am I?

A.F. Major Phillips:
Hm-hm. Don't worry though, after the third day the thrill wears off.

Airman Jill Denby:
Well this only my second day.

Senator Hill:
[having just crash landed a private plane] God knows where we are, but we're alive. [turns to Steve Austin] Well, you alright?

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, everything is peachy senator, just peachy. Except I got this little problem.

Senator Hill:
What's that?

Col. Steve Austin:
I can't see.

Senator Hill:
[a blinded Steve Austin has just straightened out a bent propeller with his bare hands] How's that, Senator, is it straight?

Senator Hill:
How did you do that?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well Senator, two years ago you got Oscar Goldman six million dollars for a secret project. I was that project.

Senator Hill:
But the strength in your arm...

Col. Steve Austin:
They gave me some expensive new parts. It comes in handy sometimes, for... well, like, repaying Oscar's old debts.

Joe Lannon:
Listen, Ed, this is really stupid. I don't want you to fly.

Senator Hill:
You sound like a broken record, you know that? Will you give me one good reason why I should not fly there myself?

Joe Lannon:
Let's get the hearing over with first. Why take chances? You're whole career is on the line.

Senator Hill:
Joe, you're afraid to fly with me, is that it?

Joe Lannon:
Are you fit to fly? That's the question.

Senator Hill:
Now let go of it. You've been sounding like an old lady ever since that accident. Right now you're convincing Austin that something's wrong here.

[brightens up]

Senator Hill:
Joe, go get your bag and get in the airplane!

Senator Hill:
[feeling very lucky and grateful to be alive, and knowing that Steve had a lot to do with it] The best thing I ever did was to get Oscar Goldman that six million dollars.

Col. Steve Austin:
[knowing how vital the Senator's son, Greg, had also been in getting everyone back alive] General, the best thing you ever did was RAISE A SON.

Col. Steve Austin:
[Col. Austin realizes who A1C Denby is] TOWER!

Oscar Goldman:
What are you doing, what is this?

Col. Steve Austin:
It's a roll bar from a moonbuggy. I figured if you ever run out of things for me to do, I'll open a machine shop.

Oscar Goldman:
We've ordered the army to seal off the town.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well what's the name of the town?

Oscar Goldman:
A place called Norris.

Col. Steve Austin:
Norris? I went to high school 20 miles from there.

Oscar Goldman:
Steve, will you stay out of this, please?

Col. Steve Austin:
But Oscar, I know those people.

Oscar Goldman:
You're too valuable for this job, besides I got another assignment for you. If I need you, I'll let you know.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well fine Oscar, you do that. You can reach me at army headquarters in Norris.

Dr. Chris Forbes:
Well, thanks for saving my life, but would you mind telling me how you did it?

Col. Steve Austin:
Did what?

Dr. Chris Forbes:
Jump across the room like that.

Col. Steve Austin:
I ate a lot of jumping beans.

Dr. Chris Forbes:
Oscar Goldman has a reputation for getting things done. Have you known him long?

Col. Steve Austin:
About a year.

Dr. Chris Forbes:
Is he your boss?

Col. Steve Austin:
He thinks so. [pause] No, that's not fair, I... I like Oscar. He's bright, he's straight, and underneath that shell of red tape, he's even got a heart.

Dr. Stanley Bacon:
[examining an unconscious Steve Austin] A pulse on one side only?

Dr. Stanley Bacon:
Do you realize that for one sixth of your cost, they could have had my weapon system perfected?

Col. Steve Austin:
I think you're given them some second thoughts about that.

Dr. Stanley Bacon:
In order to make them understand I must destroy government property. In this case a battalion of the army, our friend Oscar Goldman, and for the cherry on top, you, Mr. Austin. I will reduce you to a six million dollar pile of junk.

Col. Steve Austin:
Say, what ever happened to Peanuts Donnely, that kid I used to play football with?

Joe Taylor:
Oh, oh, Peanuts. Well, he was killed in Vietnam. One of the first ones.

Oscar Goldman:
How do you tell a man who saved your life that he disobeyed an order?

Col. Steve Austin:
You don't.

Oscar Goldman:
I agree with you.

Dr. Chris Forbes:
Want some company?

Col. Steve Austin:
Ok, eh, if you don't ask a lot of questions.

Dr. Chris Forbes:
No, I don't have any questions. I figured you out all by myself.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, and that's the end of your curiosity?

Dr. Chris Forbes:
My medical curiosity...

Col. Steve Austin:
You know, I just ran that through my computer.

Dr. Chris Forbes:
And?

Col. Steve Austin:
I like the read-out.

Narrarator:
Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive.

Oscar Goldman:
We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better, than he was. Better, stronger, faster.

Major Kelly Wood:
[Steve has just caught a falling studio light] Steve, those lights weigh a ton.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, they do?

Major Kelly Wood:
And you caught it with one arm, how?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, two hands are for beginners.

Oscar Goldman:
[Steve has just informed Oscar of the damages] How will they get down?

Col. Steve Austin:
Don't be such a ray of sunshine, Oscar, your microphone's still on.

Oscar Goldman:
The bookmakers are having a field day down here.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, well, don't tell me, big numbers with lots of zeros make me dizzy.

Col. Steve Austin:
Space... it really is the final frontier: I can't go.

Major Kelly Wood:
How are you?

Col. Steve Austin:
[pause] I'm fine.

Major Kelly Wood:
Lying to a nurse and a fellow pilot is a violation of the rules. But when you are fine, I know a place in Houston that serves a really fantastic diner. Reasonable too.

Col. Steve Austin:
Where is this restaurant?

Major Kelly Wood:
My place.

Foreman:
What can I do you for?

Barney Barnes:
Here it is: la pi?ce de r?sistance. A pinnacle of my achievements. [pulls out a piece of cloth, straightens it]

Col. Steve Austin:
A bulletproof tablecloth?

Barney Barnes:
No, no, no, no, a bulletproof vest! Look, forget the material just look: thin as a waver, light as a feather. This won't restrict your movements like a regular bulletproof vest. But it'll stop an eigh millimeter shell and give you ten cents change.

Robot:
[picks up phone] Sally, go to the top secret vault and bring out the Brahmin file, will you?

Dr. Chester Dolenz:
I don't want you to think of me as your enemy, Mr. Goldman. May I call you Oscar?

Oscar Goldman:
It won't work, Dolenz. Steve Austin and I know each other too well. You can't keep this up for long.

Dr. Chester Dolenz:
I've made mistakes in the past. I know, Steve Austin said my first robot squeaked. But this time I've foreseen every possibility. This new robot is a supreme mechanism. Every human detail has been painstakingly reproduced. This robot eats and drinks. I've installed an incinerator to burn up all of the fuels and foods ingested into the body. It thinks! It can even simulate breathing.

Col. Steve Austin:
You know Oscar, you tell that joke about three times a week.

Robot:
It's the only one I know.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, but if you learned another one, then you'd have two.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar, how did you do that?

Robot:
Hm?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, that coffee, it's scolding hot.

Robot:
Well, I have the perfect, eh, stomach for working in Washington, Steve, I can eat anything, I can drink anything, I just burn it up. It's cast iron.

Col. Steve Austin:
[to Oscar's impersonator] You know, you talk about that computer like it was your brother or something. It's just a bunch of wires, dumb wires.

Robot:
Colonel Austin was a traitor. He'll be remembered as a traitor.

Dr. Chester Dolenz:
[Dolenz' robot is fighting Steve Austin] Kill him, my boy!

Dr. Chester Dolenz:
Steve Austin, I find this dificult to say, but you've certainly earned my respect today. My hat's off to you.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, as far as your work is concerned, Dolenz, I'll have to say the same.

Dr. Chester Dolenz:
I must say that makes me feel a good deal better. [to police officers] I'm ready.

Col. Steve Austin:
[as the police leads Dolenz away] And Dolenz? This one didn't even squeak.

Oscar Goldman:
By the way, just out of curiosity, how did you know which one of us was me?

Col. Steve Austin:
Very simple, Oscar. Robots don't sweat when they're nervous.

Dr. Jeffrey Dolenz:
He's the reason my first robot's in the junkyard.

Rossi:
Dr. Dolenz, We're paying you to build a team of robots that can rob Fort Knox. Now just what has the man out there have to do with that?

Dr. Jeffrey Dolenz:
I'm not going to build another robot, only to have him destroyed by that man out there. My next robot is going to be stronger and better than Steven Austin

Suzie Lund:
In case you're wondering, I work at the range. 'Cause I'm a super rider. And 'cause my, eh, uncle's Tom's partner.

Col. Steve Austin:
I see.

Tom Molson:
How 'bout you, Steve, what have you been up to since you raised all that dust on the moon?

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, nothing much.

Col. Steve Austin:
[referring to Suzie's horse] Kind of a mean looking fellow there.

Suzie Lund:
His name is Doomsday. I decide to ride him once or twice before breakfast.

Col. Steve Austin:
What if Doomsday decides to have you for breakfast?

Col. Steve Austin:
Dr. Dolenz, I presume?

Dr. Jeffrey Dolenz:
Jeffrey Dolenz, inventor of the robot. I'm sorry about the concrete around your legs and the, eh, chains around your arms, but they're necessary precautions.

Col. Steve Austin:
I understand.

Suzie Lund:
[addressing Steve after arranging to give him riding lessons the next morning] Oh, and don't let Tom drink anything - - it swells up his foot. He CLAIMS it's just tight boots.

Tom Molson:
[feigning indignant sternness, but with obviously twinkling eyes that only prompt amused smiles from Suzie and Steve] I'll put a BOOT to YOU if you don't git!

Suzie Lund:
[smirkes impishly back at them as she waltzes out the door]

Peggy Callahan:
Oh dear, you're 'the' colonel Austin?

Col. Steve Austin:
I'm the only one I know.

Peggy Callahan:
Oh golly.

Lieutenant Dobbs:
You sure you haven't had anything to drink?

Col. Steve Austin:
I was... I was drugged...

Lieutenant Dobbs:
Who drugged you?

Col. Steve Austin:
A man in a mask.

Lieutenant Dobbs:
And this masked man, did he ride a white horse?

Oscar Goldman:
[on phone] Let me speak to Miss Johnson.

Col. Steve Austin:
[on other line in Oscar's office] Oh, Miss Johnson is now Miss Callahan.

Oscar Goldman:
Oh yes, yes, yes Miss Calahan. I change my secretary every three months, I can't remember my own security orders.

Peggy Callahan:
He wants me to help you in any way I can.

Col. Steve Austin:
Good. first off, you can start by giving me your home adress and telephone number.

Peggy Callahan:
Oh... is that the routine here?

Peggy Callahan:
How did you get in? My door is very, very locked.

Col. Steve Austin:
Window.

Col. Steve Austin:
What's your security clearance?

Peggy Callahan:
I'm a three.

Col. Steve Austin:
You're about to be jumped to a six.

Store Clerk:
Well by golly, it appears to me you're building nothing short of a robot.

Peggy Callahan:
That's right, how did you know?

Lieutenant Dobbs:
Do you really expect me to swallow that? That there's an exact duplicate of Colonel Austin's hand with his fingerprints on it?

Oscar Goldman:
That's right.

Lieutenant Dobbs:
And that someone stole and used it to put Austin's prints on the murder weapon?

Oscar Goldman:
Exactly.

Hopper:
I would really have preferred to have seen him spend the rest of his life behind bars, but, I don't know, to be shot by the police as a fugitive, well... I'm not complaining

Col. Steve Austin:
By the way, Callahan, you have a first name?

Peggy Callahan:
Yes.

Col. Steve Austin:
Sheriff, I don't want to interfere with your business, but I heard last night you had a report of a UFO.

Sheriff Bob Kemp:
I didn't know UFO's were a specialty or yours, Colonel?. I thought you tested planes and did all that space stuff.

Col. Steve Austin:
Was your ship launch from a planet or a larger spaceship?

Minonee:
A large spaceship.

Col. Steve Austin:
Where?

Minonee:
Out there, near Pluto's orbit. [points to the sky with two fingers]

Col. Steve Austin:
[quoting J.M. Barrie] Second star to the right, straight on till morning.

Col. Steve Austin:
Does the saving of one life mean anything to your people?

Minonee:
Yes, a great deal.

Col. Steve Austin:
Good. Yours is the one we're gonna save.

Oscar Goldman:
I know what's been going on here.

Col. Steve Austin:
Do you, Oscar?

Oscar Goldman:
I know that four of them landed in a craft that came down at sea. I know that one of them died and disappeared. I know that if anyone touches them, they'll suffer extreme radiation burns and shock. And I know that we can't let any of them escape.

Oscar Goldman:
Could you give us any information, any knowledge that your people may have accumulated?

Minonee:
I've told him everything I know.

Horace Milser:
You're just wastin' your time, them groceries ain't for sale.

Col. Steve Austin:
Your sign outside says you sell groceries in here.

Horace Milser:
Don't make no difference, them groceries ain't for sale.

Angie Walker:
Oh, Horace, you could've come to the front door.

Horace Milser:
I don't want none of you people gaping at me.

Jody:
Mister, are you crazy too?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well that's a mighty big word for such a little girl.

Jody:
Mama says everybody here is.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well I bet if your mom tried real hard, she could find another word to use.

Col. Steve Austin:
An F104.

Angie Walker:
How can you tell?

Col. Steve Austin:
The sound. There's not another bird around that makes that sound.

Angie Walker:
Then you must be a pilot!

Col. Steve Austin:
I think you know by now that the people who have been living in this house don't want anything from anybody, except friendship. Will one person in this town take a chance and be a friend?

Mona:
My husband's a pilot, you know. He warned me not to fly this time of year. Oh, I should have listened to him, he's always right!

Oscar Goldman:
[Steve is carrying a large bag of supplies] You look like a... like a bionic Santa Claus.

Col. Steve Austin:
Does anybody here have any medical experience?

Yeoman Helen Maychick:
[glances at Bobby] I don't have any experience, but if the patients are willing, I am.

Mona:
You know my husband says that all these pacific islands have snakes on them. You think there are snakes here?

A.F. Sgt. Roberts:
Yes ma'am. Oh, but small ones.

Mona:
[momentarily relieved] Oh. How small?

A.F. Sgt. Roberts:
Three, four feet.

Oscar Goldman:
[Oscar has been shot] Well, how am I doing, doctor?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, you're pretty tough.

Oscar Goldman:
Didn't know I had all that... blood in me.

E.J. Haskell:
[to Steve] It is physically impossible for you to have gotten here before me!

E.J. Haskell:
An old trapper once claimed he saw Taneha vanish into a cliff of solid rock.

E.J. Haskell:
Well, don't forget to bring your tranquiliser gun in case you meet Taneha coming down.

Col. Steve Austin:
I think I'll just try and sweet talk him.

E.J. Haskell:
I owe it to my father. I'm sorry, I owe it.

Col. Steve Austin:
You don't owe anyone but yourself. Look, wiping out a species is not gonna destroy your demon. It'll destroy you.

E.J. Haskell:
You can't go in there, you have no protection!

Col. Steve Austin:
Neither has Taneha.

E.J. Haskell:
I hate to spoil your fun, but the Indians say that any man that can outrun a horse and overpower a beast, is a demon.

Col. Steve Austin:
I know what the Indians say, trouble is I don't know why they keep on saying it. Yeah, really, it makes me mad. [E.J. starts giggling]

Col. Steve Austin:
You know, what I'd really like to know is which of them indians is saying it. [more giggles from E.J]

Col. Steve Austin:
How many times do I gotta prove to you that I'm a lumberjack?

Jeremy Burke:
[sighs] You're still working on the first time.

Kelly Wixted:
What are you doing here? Jeremy told me he sent you to work on the West Ridge.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, well, eh, I finished up on the trees he showed me and I wasn't sure which ones he wanted to cut next.

Kelly Wixted:
Probably some of the ones with branches on them.

Col. Steve Austin:
Right.

Dr. Morton Craig:
Lock them up in that explosives shed down the road. Stand on guard at a distance. If they try to escape, put a bullet in a case of explosives and blow them up!

Col. Steve Austin:
Could you use another hand?

Kelly Wixted:
Are you kidding? If I had you around full time, I wouldn't need anybody else.

Oscar Goldman:
You can have him part of the time, that's all.

Kelly Wixted:
Well that's a whole lot better than nothing.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well Oscar, you sure you don't wanna lumber along with us?

Oscar Goldman:
You're barking up the wrong tree, pal.

Col. Steve Austin:
[climbing into the boat with Kelly to resume following the old lobster boat that's towing a huge load of logs] Well, Oscar, are you sure you don't want to lumber along with us?

Oscar Goldman:
[smiling in amusement at Steve's clever pun, and in preparation to making one of his own] You're barking up the wrong tree, pal!

Col. Steve Austin:
This list looks likes somebody is building an atomic bomb.

Oscar Goldman:
We all came to the same conclusion just this morning.

Col. Steve Austin:
We don't know who stole the items, and we don't know why, but you and I both know, when people do this, there's a lot of money involved.

Officer Banner:
Excuse me, Steve this is Cindy Walker. Cindy, this is Steve Aimry.

Col. Steve Austin:
My pleasure.

Cindy Walker:
Thank you.

Officer Banner:
Best R.T.O. in the department.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, I heard her on the radio several times today. You sure look better than you sound.

Cindy Walker:
[laughs] Well, we're supposed to sound that way.

Officer Banner:
It helps keep the boys minds on their business.

Col. Steve Austin:
You sick or something?

Officer Banner:
What makes you think that?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, we've been on the street for nearly an hour and I haven't heard one war story.

Officer Banner:
Steve, I wasn't shooting at you.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well that shotgun sure didn't go off by itself.

Officer Banner:
Wha?

Col. Steve Austin:
[on payphone] So Banner could be going to him for something else, treatments maybe.

Oscar Goldman:
[on phone in his office] Doctors have office hours, pal.

Col. Steve Austin:
I know that, Oscar but what if, what if Banner had a disorder he wanted kept scecret?

Oscar Goldman:
No good, Steve, I've checked his health records personally. There's nothing that indicates or hints of any disorder.

Col. Steve Austin:
Records don't always tell it like it is, Oscar, you should know that better than anybody.

Officer Banner:
[facing a young hoodlum wielding a 2x4] Now, now - - you'll get splinters doing that.

Carla Peterson:
[about Barney] I don't know. In the next world, he's probably gonna be some laser beam with overhead cams or something.

Col. Steve Austin:
Why are you doing it? Why make another Bionic timebomb?

Barney Hiller:
Hey, come on, now Steve, don't rush me. I've only got 48 hours to play superman again, I wanna enjoy every minute.

Barney Hiller:
Look, Mr. Burstyn, if everything else in my life goes down the tubes... you'd still be wasting your time.

Lester Burstyn:
My dear friend...

Barney Hiller:
I'm not your dear friend. You're lucky I didn't report you to Oscar Goldman the first time you called me.

Lester Burstyn:
Yes, I suppose I am. The fact is you didn't tell Goldman. And another fact is: at this moment you're bionically activated and will be for 48 hours...

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar, don't you realize that a bionic man turned criminal how much he could steal? He could burrow into Fort Knox.

Oscar Goldman:
I don't want to think about it.

Lester Burstyn:
You show amazing strength, Colonel Austin. Anyone who can hold his own with a bionic man...

Col. Steve Austin:
Well I keep in shape.

Barney Hiller:
Look Burstyn, what am I going to have to do to get you to release Carla?

Lester Burstyn:
I'll think of something, Barney.

Barney Hiller:
I thought you'd never show up.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, after what you did to my neck, I wasn't sure I would.

Col. Steve Austin:
[Steve's mom is stirring something up] Do I still get to lick the bowl?

Helen Elgin:
[paying attention to something else] What dear?

Col. Steve Austin:
What kind of cake is this? [tastes a bit with his finger]

Helen Elgin:
Eh? Oh! [tries to stop him]

Col. Steve Austin:
Ooh, gah, it's terrible!

Helen Elgin:
[laughs] Of course it is, it's wallpaper paste.

Col. Steve Austin:
It's not bad for wallpaper paste. [laughs]

Girl:
Boy, Jaime's the most important person that ever came out of our town. Except for that astronaut guy.

Col. Steve Austin:
You know, you look great.

Jamie Sommers:
Well I always sort of liked the way you looked, too.

Col. Steve Austin:
Flattery will get you everywhere.

Jamie Sommers:
Oh, I know.

Helen Elgin:
[Steve and his stepdad are going for a walk] Now you boys behave yourself, be back by ten.

Col. Steve Austin:
[laughs] I figured we'd do a little honky-tonkin'.

Helen Elgin:
Did Jim leave yet?

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, yeah, I think so.

Helen Elgin:
Oh poop! I wanted him to get a couple of men to helm him lift the refridgerator out so I can clean behind it.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, I can slide it out for ya.

Doctor:
We'll try to safe her, but there's only so much we can do. Maybe someday we'll be able to repair broken bodies like hers.

Jamie Sommers:
[panicking] What did you let them do to me?

Col. Steve Austin:
Look, I know how you feel.

Jamie Sommers:
No you don't. Why did you let them do that?

Col. Steve Austin:
Jaime, trust me, please trust me.

Jamie Sommers:
I don't want to be a freak.

Jamie Sommers:
[having taken her first bionic step] That's one small step for Jaime.

Col. Steve Austin:
Don't kid yourself, that was a giant leap.

Jamie Sommers:
Steve, do you think I'll be able to play the violin when my hand gets better?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well sure.

Jamie Sommers:
Oh, that's so great, because I have never been able to play it before.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well there's no doubt about it, you're getting better.

Jamie Sommers:
You know, it might not be so bad being the bride of Frankenstein.

Col. Steve Austin:
You thinking about getting married?

Jamie Sommers:
No, actually, I was thinking eh, it might be kind of nice being bionic.

Col. Steve Austin:
How sensitive is her hearing?

Dr. Rudy Wells:
Well I'll tell you what, why don't you just turn your back and whisper something? [indicates for Jaime, who is in a glass booth, to turn her back also]

Dr. Rudy Wells:
Eh, part of a nursery rhyme, or anything.

Col. Steve Austin:
Eh... Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Jamie Sommers:
And Rudy Wells and those bionic men put Jaime and Steve back together again. [giggles]

Jamie Sommers:
[Awaken from her bionic surgery] I thought I was dead, Steve.

Col. Steve Austin:
No way.

Jamie Sommers:
I feel so... I don't know. My right arm looks all right. What did they do?

Col. Steve Austin:
It looks more than, all right. You see, Jaime, this is a very special hospital. They can rebuild you. Even better, than you were.

Jamie Sommers:
Rebuild?

Col. Steve Austin:
It's a brand new science called bionics, where the biology of your own body controls electronics, in your arm.

Jamie Sommers:
[after glancing, at her bionic arm] You mean, my right arm isn't my arm?

Col. Steve Austin:
Yes, it is, now. It's wonderful, Jaime. It's like nothing you've ever seen before. And once we've trained it, you'll never be able to tell it from your left. Believe me.

Jamie Sommers:
[after looking at her arm again] It looks all right, huh?

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, it looks great.

Jamie Sommers:
I guess I'm lucky. I could've lost my left arm, too. Or my legs. Steve, I want to see my legs.

Col. Steve Austin:
Sure.

[Uncovers her legs]

Jamie Sommers:
Ooh, thank God. I thought for a minute I remembered...

[paused and not realizing that her legs are bionic]

Jamie Sommers:
. What's wrong, Steve? I can't move my legs.

Col. Steve Austin:
They're bionic, too.

Jamie Sommers:
[Rolls her eyes] Oh, my God.

Col. Steve Austin:
Jaime.

Jamie Sommers:
[Panicking] What did you let them do to me?

Col. Steve Austin:
Look, I know how you feel.

Jamie Sommers:
No, you don't! Why'd you let them do that?

Col. Steve Austin:
Jaime, trust me. Please trust me.

Jamie Sommers:
[Tears in her eyes] I don't want to be a freak.

Col. Steve Austin:
Jaime.

Jamie Sommers:
Why don't you just let me die? For God's sake!

Col. Steve Austin:
Jaime, don't tell me about wanting to die.

[Shows Jaime a demonstration of his bionic arm by ripping two pieces off a metal chair]

Col. Steve Austin:
Look at me.

[raising his voice]

Col. Steve Austin:
Look at me!

[Proceeds to bend chair, and finishes]

Col. Steve Austin:
I know how tough it is. I went through exactly what you're going through.

Jamie Sommers:
[Looked amazed when Steve, ripped the two pieces off the metal chair] You're arm is bionic?

Col. Steve Austin:
[Nods] And both legs. And an eye.

Jamie Sommers:
An eye?

Col. Steve Austin:
[Nods]

Jamie Sommers:
Which one?

Col. Steve Austin:
You tell me.

Jamie Sommers:
[guessing] I can't.

Col. Steve Austin:
Now will you trust me? I'll be here to help you, Jaime, every step of the way. But you got to try. You've got want to live, Jaime. You hear me?

Jamie Sommers:
Yes.

Col. Steve Austin:
[Kisses Jaime's forehead]

Col. Steve Austin:
[after Jaime sees him glance at an attractive nurse] What's the matter?

Jamie Sommers:
Well, I guess you won't be able to look at me like that, will you, knowing how much of me isn't me?

Col. Steve Austin:
I suppose you feel the same way every time you look at me.

Jamie Sommers:
Well, what are you talking about, I love you! I mean, I don't care if you're bionic or n- [realizes] Game point.

Col. Steve Austin:
Besides, she was bow-legged.

Jamie Sommers:
What exactly is it that Uncle Sam expects in return?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I guess he wants you to be part of the team.

Jamie Sommers:
How many people are on the team?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, Oscar's the head coach, and, so far, I'm the only player.

Oscar Goldman:
I've got to talk to you, we've got a problem.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar, you've always have a problem. I'd like to get my wedding planned.

Oscar Goldman:
I told you it was going to be like this, pal. I agreed to make Jaime bionic, with strings attached, remember?

Col. Steve Austin:
I know, Oscar, but...

Oscar Goldman:
I came through for you, pal. How 'bout you backin' me up now?

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar, I know what I said, but I can't let her do it. Can't you see? I can't!

Oscar Goldman:
We made an agreement.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar, I... look I'd do anything in the world for you... for Washington. But I can't let Jaime get into that kind of danger!

Col. Steve Austin:
Jaime, this is no tennis match! You hit a ball into this net and you'll get your head blown off!

Jamie Sommers:
Well, then, I'll just have to aim high and serve nothing but aces.

Joseph Ronaugh:
Colonel Steven Austin. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to see you face to face again.

Col. Steve Austin:
Have we met before?

Joseph Ronaugh:
You did considerable damage to me, Colonel Austin. And now I'm going to do considerable damage to you.

Jamie Sommers:
Tell me something?

Col. Steve Austin:
Anything.

Jamie Sommers:
We're gonna live happily ever after, aren't we?

Col. Steve Austin:
You bet. Here's to us. [they clink]

Col. Steve Austin:
You really like her don't you?

Helen Elgin:
Oh, I've like that sweet girl ever since your day in the third grade. Remember, she helped you come home because you got sick from eating all that food?

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, but I never told you which sweet little girl dared me to eat all that food.

Jim Elgin:
Helen, you sure it's legal for the stepfather of the groom to give the bride away?

Helen Elgin:
Well, as long as the stepfather of the goom isn't the father of the bride it's legal.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
Jaime's body is producing massive amounts of white bloodcells to fight off something foreign in her system.

Col. Steve Austin:
You mean she has an infection?

Dr. Rudy Wells:
No, it's her bionics, Steve. Jaime's body is rejecting her bionics.

Col. Steve Austin:
I love you Jaime, I've always loved you...

Oscar Goldman:
Going through my files again, eh?

Col. Steve Austin:
[slightly ashamed] Well, I had nothing to do yesterday afternoon...

Logan:
Clumsy, clumsy. You don't dump bodies in the ocean unless you want them to be found.

Charlie:
Now listen Ernest, I don't care how you do it, but you see you get that bike fixed here, by tomorrow, or you're in big trouble.

Col. Steve Austin:
I don't have time to give you another demonstration, I got a bicycle to fix.

Helen Elgin:
Are you alright, Steve?

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh... sure, I'm fine.

Helen Elgin:
Now you know I can always tell when you're fibbing.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I can't give you much of the details. It concerns an old World War Two aircraft. It was nicknamed 'My Little Girl'.

Helen Elgin:
'My Little Girl', that was you're fathers plane. He used to call me that.

Chin-Ling:
See, I told you and Mr Goldman, bionics of yours don't work when you're climbing a real mountain.

Chin-Ling:
You're white skin's gonna save you, but I haven't got a chance. That's what he just said. You're worth cash to them. They're gonna sell you to the Chinese. But I'm just access bagage. They're gonna kill me. So if you ever used your bionics, use it now.

Garth:
Risking ones life for a countryman is a rare gift. Please, do not take it away from me.

Kai-Sing:
Garth, who is he to you that you should risk your life for him?

Garth:
We'll discuss this no further.

Garth:
Who are you?

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, you mean my name?

Garth:
No, no, names are only labels the outside world attaches meanings to. You outran horses. You're strength, you're strength is incredible. Just who are you?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I'm just a man.

Garth:
Not an ordinary one.

Col. Steve Austin:
In most ways I am.

Garth:
Don't you understestimate Queng-Dri. You know, he's not an ignorant man. Why, he speaks and steals in five languages.

Garth:
You know, you're questions are much deeper than your search for a missing airplane. Just what are you looking for?

Col. Steve Austin:
My father.

Queng-Dri:
[aiming his rifle] I wonder if he can escape... a bullet.

Liza Leitman:
Kidnapping?

Oscar Goldman:
Yes! Kidnapping! It may seem funny to you, Liza, but security threats rarely move me to hillarity.

Liza Leitman:
[laughs] Oh, well that my dear Oscar is because you have the grey, schrunken soul of a beurocrat.

Oscar Goldman:
Hm.

Col. Steve Austin:
And because he's a worrier. But with some reason this time.

Liza Leitman:
I'm an expert rider. In rough country, on a well marked course. The hills will be alive with the sound of, eh...

Oscar Goldman:
Music?

Liza Leitman:
Very funny.

Oscar Goldman:
Your plane leaves in two hours. There'll be a car to meet you at the airport. You'll be staying in the same hotel as she is.

Col. Steve Austin:
Now wait a minute, what if she spots me and screams to the local fuzz?

Col. Steve Austin:
Huh? You're a bionic man. Run.

Oscar Goldman:
I am glad that you weren't... seriously damaged.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh Oscar, please, I can't stand the raw emotion.

Liza Leitman:
[Austin helps Liza dismount her horse] I'm sweaty.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I kinda like it.

Liza Leitman:
[laughs] You really do appeal to all my... baser instincts.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, we gotta start some place.

Jay Rogers:
The HL-10. We rebuild it from scratch. Modern technology can do wonders today.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yes, I know...

Oscar Goldman:
You are more to us, Steve than just a man on the pay role. You're...

Col. Steve Austin:
A six million dollar investment?

Oscar Goldman:
I was gonna say 'friend'.

Walter 'Shadetree' Burns:
[Steve Austin has just hit a golf ball using his bionic power] You hit that ball into next week!

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, I guess I did kinda catch it on the screws, didn't I? That was a hundred, wasn't it pard?

Walter 'Shadetree' Burns:
[standing in a crowded buffet] This reminds me of the Saturday night picture show... Before the prices changed.

Col. Steve Austin:
Like everybody at NASA decided to get coffee at the same time.

Ted Collins:
You've, eh, got a pretty good grip.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, it comes from squeezing a lot of orange juice.

Col. Steve Austin:
Tomorrow, when I climb into that bird, my stomach's going to feel like a bag of bricks. But I'd still feel the same way without your suspicions. But I''ve still got to fly it.

Oscar Goldman:
Even though you know someone's trying to kill you?

Col. Steve Austin:
I feel that's what I'd be doing to myself if I didn't fly it.

Walter 'Shadetree' Burns:
She looks like a changed person. What did you do?

Col. Steve Austin:
I blew out a candle.

Walter 'Shadetree' Burns:
I feel like a long-tailed cat in room full 'a rockin chairs.

Oscar Goldman:
I couldn't have said that any better myself, Shadetree.

Ted Collins:
Alright, Steve-baby, you're just about to get the ball. Get this one for the home team, huh?

Oscar Goldman:
Well I didn't expect you in the rooting section, Ted.

Ted Collins:
I may not like him down on the ground, probably never will. But when he's up there, he's the man. Dig it?

Oscar Goldman:
Dig it.

Walter 'Shadetree' Burns:
Buddy, you are luckier than a skinny turkey at Thanksgiving.

Margaret:
[on speakerphone] It's Mrs. Madden.

Colonel Joe Gordon:
[sighs deeply] What is it this time?

Margaret:
She says she's heard that we have a Chinese pilot being trained here. She thinks he's a spy.

Colonel Joe Gordon:
Hmpf. Spies, eh? Well, tell the old bat that the only spying the gang does is in the centerfold girly magazines.

Prince Sakari:
I will not allow you to take my place in the air. I came here to fly!

Col. Steve Austin:
That's right, but not to die.

Winslow:
Now who are you, the King of Persia?

Sol Levy:
Livy, the man you almost killed the first time.

Winslow:
Oh? Well, your friend's not gonna be so lucky

Lt. Jan Simmons:
I never thought I'd be sad to see the world's biggest male chauvinist leave. Can't you stay and finish school?

Prince Sakari:
With my prime minister in jail, my country needs me. Perhaps next year.

Colonel Joe Gordon:
Doggone it, Cowboy. Year in and year out, all I ever get is routine. Then you come down here for two weeks, I go on a vacation and what happens? Everything! You space cowboys have all the fun. Come on, jump in. No sense wearing out your feet.

Col. Steve Austin:
Did you catch any fish?

Colonel Joe Gordon:
What do you think, marshmallow arm?

Col. Steve Austin:
Are you kidding?

Harry Green:
Do I look like I'm kidding? Do I usually call you from a phone booth and tell you to meet me in an all night garage in Washington?

Col. Steve Austin:
Harry, you pulled more practical jokes on the guys in Oscar's office than anyone I know.

Harry Green:
[notices two men running towards them] The joke's over.

Oscar Goldman:
I don't believe in mindreading, I never have.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar, E.S.P. is not mindreading.

Oscar Goldman:
What is it, then?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, mindreading is something a greasy haired guy with a worn out tuxedo does at the county fair. E.S.P. is different.

Oscar Goldman:
It isn't to me.

Col. Steve Austin:
I don't understand you, Oscar, you're in charge of some of the most far out scientific projects this country's got going. But when it comes to E.S.P. you're head's back in the dark ages.

Oscar Goldman:
Well, I wish that our E.S.P. spy had a beard, was fifty years old and smoked a pipe.

Audrey Moss:
[using E.S.P. on three surfers walking towards her and Steve] One of those guys is thinking... about all the money he's gonna make for... getting rid of us.

Col. Steve Austin:
[picks up carphone] Yeah?

Oscar Goldman:
[in his office, on other line] Say, you're really in a foul mood.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, this morning three bums dressed like surfers tried to beat my brains out.

Audrey Moss:
When are you gonna tell me how you threw that guy so far?

Col. Steve Austin:
When you're old enough.

Audrey Moss:
You're a rat. [pause] I'm old enough to know what bionic means...

Col. Steve Austin:
Audrey, stop messing around in my mind.

Col. Steve Austin:
Audrey, stop messing around in my mind.

Col. Steve Austin:
Not too big in the brain department, are you George?

Dr. Randolph:
Fortunately, that's my department.

Audrey Moss:
You're not very good at French or English Lit. But you're a bionic man and that makes you a whole lot different then everybody else. Like I am.

Col. Steve Austin:
Now come on, try it.

Audrey Moss:
There's no one like me in the whole world. I like myself. I'm a worthwhile person.

Col. Steve Austin:
Louder.

Audrey Moss:
I'm a worthwhile person and I like myself!

Col. Steve Austin:
With feeling!

Col. Steve Austin:
[she gigles] Come on.

Audrey Moss:
There's no one like me in the whole world. I like myself and I'm a worthwhile person. That's what I am, a worthwhile person, ok?

Col. Steve Austin:
[he laughs] I think you got it.

Col. Steve Austin:
The file wasn't stolen from the room, the ink was stolen from the paper.

Brenner:
I don't like machines telling me something can't be done.

Murdoch:
[to Steve] That's a pretty good rope-escape. You're gonna have to show me that some time.

Murdoch:
Is this the Wagner twins?

[Steve nods]

Murdoch:
Do you know they are only twelve?

Col. Steve Austin:
So they say.

Murdoch:
Think we can handle them?

Col. Steve Austin:
I would think so.

Murdoch:
Like taking candy from a baby.

Jack:
I'm afraid, sir, that you're a bit outnumbered. Three to one odds are hardly fair.

[the twins use their powers of the mind to make Steve Austin do their bidding]

Col. Steve Austin:
Well I guess we call the police now.

Jack:
Yes do that. But hadn't you first better consider the charges?

Col. Steve Austin:
Theft of government documents.

Jack:
Theft of ink, really. Do you think a jury will buy that?

Col. Steve Austin:
Wow, this thing must be worth a fortune.

Oscar Goldman:
More than a fortune. Solid gold, precious gems, you can't put a price tag on a historic art treasure like this. That's why I want you personally to escort him back to Levant in case something should, well, happen allong the way. If something should happen to a national treasure like this, we'd have more trouble than we could take care of.

Col. Steve Austin:
[notices an imperfection with his bionic eye] Looks like we've got trouble already, Oscar.

Oscar Goldman:
Hey, wait, wait a minute. Don't touch that, you might damage it!

Col. Steve Austin:
This gold is painted lead. [snaps a gem off the head of the steatue, crushes it] The gems are made of paste. Oscar, this statue is a fake.

Oscar Goldman:
I don't know her name, though.

Col. Steve Austin:
Don't bother to look. It's Trish Hollander. Age: 25. Adress: variable. Occupation: spending money.

Oscar Goldman:
I take it you know the young lady, Mr. Austin?

Col. Steve Austin:
Let's just say I found her passport in the embassy.

Trish Hollander:
[opens door] Well as I live and breathe!

Col. Steve Austin:
No-one does it prettier than you Trish.

Trish Hollander:
Thank you Captain Austin, or is it General by now?

Col. Steve Austin:
Just Mister.

Col. Steve Austin:
It's a very nice place you got here. Very nice. It makes me wonder just how much in debt you are right now.

Trish Hollander:
In debt? [giggles] That's really funny, Steve. What do you think all this is, poverty? Besides, I happen to be engaged to marry an important diplomat, who's just happens to have millions in gillions stashed away.

Gustav Tokar:
I was just thinking of you.

Trish Hollander:
Oh, with warm thoughts, I hope?

Gustav Tokar:
Oh, very warm. one might even say 'heated'.

Trish Hollander:
Oh, you don't mind me dropping in?

Gustav Tokar:
What's to mind, you bring such loveliness into this office. And such large, large bills.

Wheel Jackson:
[to Steve] I always thought if I had a son, he would have been like you: Air Force hero, astronaut, flying high, living clean. Not like me, having to live and work in hiding. This month a brickyard, last month a mortuary, hm. Next month...

Col. Steve Austin:
Where's Trish?

Col. Steve Austin:
Triscia, you were great.

Trish Hollander:
I was?

Col. Steve Austin:
Wonderful. Now I'm gonna have to ask one more favor.

Trish Hollander:
How much?

Col. Steve Austin:
On the house?

Trish Hollander:
Ok, for you I'll do it.

Col. Steve Austin:
You're an angel.

Trish Hollander:
No I'm not, Mr. Austin, and you know it. But I like you to think so anyway.

Joe:
[Trish is turning the Golden Pharaoh around] Easy baby, that's our meal ticket.

Trish Hollander:
I just don't like the way it's looking at me.

Trish Hollander:
Steve, do you really think I'll have to go to jail?

Col. Steve Austin:
I don't think so. Of course a lot depends on how the trial comes out.

Trish Hollander:
Oh the trial, how do you think I should wear my hair? And maybe I should wear it up, proud and brave. Or how about hanging down, kind of pathetic and vulnerable. I mean when I'm on the witness stand. Maybe I should wear it in a little cloud of innocent rain that's all over my head, what do you think?

Col. Steve Austin:
I think this is one trial I might gonna miss.

Oscar Goldman:
Here is a mock-up of the war head that you'll be looking for. Even though our government didn't build it, we're responsible for it if it goes of. Every moment that it's out of our hands, the risk gets greater. [puts it away] So you've got to find it.

Col. Steve Austin:
That sounds easy if you say it fast.

Thomas Gabella:
[having just seen Steve Austin move a tree log] You moved that like it didn't take any effort.

Col. Steve Austin:
Huh? Oh, I used to do a lot of weight lifting in college.

Thomas Gabella:
Don't let this terrain deceive you, Colonel, death can come very quickly in this jungle.

Kuroda:
[takes something from his bag] Thousand stitch belt. When I joined kamikaze, my mother went into the streets and asked people who passed by to put one knot.

Col. Steve Austin:
I've heard of it. One knot, one prayer.

Kuroda:
A thousand prayers to carry with you until you die.

Kuroda:
You, fly through space to the moon, hmm?

Col. Steve Austin:
Yes.

Kuroda:
And you walk on moon?

Col. Steve Austin:
Look, I know it's a little hard for you to believe...

Kuroda:
You biggest liar on earth, that's what I believe.

Kuroda:
I am sorry to kill you. You have a strange honor, almost Japanese. But you are the enemy.

Kuroda:
I have a gift I hope you will accept. [presents his thousand stitch belt]

Col. Steve Austin:
Kuroda, I can't accept your thousand stitch belt, that represents your life.

Kuroda:
It's the only thing left I value. Please accept.

Col. Steve Austin:
How often have you done this?

Thomas Gabella:
Ah, I've stopped counting the number of Japanese I've gone after. The Old Devil's something else.

Col. Steve Austin:
The old devil?

Thomas Gabella:
Well, that's what the island people call him. And I'm surpised America would let the famous Colonel Austin go looking for a common war criminal.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, there's some important people in the United States would like to see him returned to Japan savely. Besides, we're not at war anymore.

Thomas Gabella:
You tell that to the Old Devil.

Thomas Gabella:
You're rifle, Colonel.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, no thanks. You carry one, that'll be enough.

Thomas Gabella:
If we find him, it'll be because he wants us to. You'll want a riffle when that happens...

Kuroda:
My family Samurai. Fighting men. My grandfather's father was Samurai and all their fathers before them. The fought for their masters without questioning for hundreds of years. The bushido: the man's honor and duty. Not questons.

Kuroda:
[hopeful glint in his eye] You kill me?

Col. Steve Austin:
No, I won't kill ya. We're both gonna get out of this alive. If I have to tie you up and carry you out an inch at a time. But I won't kill ya.

Kuroda:
You'll make a mistake... and die.

Col. Steve Austin:
And you'll win?

Kuroda:
I cannot lose. I have nothing.

Kuroda:
I had hoped that my enemies would have killed me. There is dishonor in living beyond one's moment.

Kuroda:
What kind of a devil are you?

Col. Steve Austin:
I'm a man, just like you. You've seen me bleed, the same way.

Col. Steve Austin:
[indicating Austin's bionic leg] There's no blood in that leg.

Col. Steve Austin:
I can't undo history, even for my own life.

Kuroda:
I cannot go back.

Col. Steve Austin:
Why not?

Kuroda:
You must understand. When I left Japan, they clipped my hair and nails for my funeral. I was dead to the war. I cannot out-live it. There is great shame for me.

Col. Steve Austin:
What is the shame?

Kuroda:
You are not Japanese, you do not understand.

Col. Steve Austin:
After the war there were many men thought dead came back to their families. There was no shame, only tears... tears of joy.

Kuroda:
We were not to live with our plane gone. My navigator Ioki did what was right. He committed seppuku. Harakiri.

Col. Steve Austin:
And you couldn't. So that makes you a coward, is that it?

Kuroda:
He earned his way to heaven. But when I saw him die, I could not do it.

Kuroda:
A man who has died in his heart does not run away from real death. That is the way of the bushido.

Col. Steve Austin:
The bushido tells a man that he must show mercy, doesn't it? That includes compassion for one self.

Kuroda:
Too late. Kamikaze meant 'devine wind'. I am like the last wind of the day. The midnight wind.

Col. Steve Austin:
[Steve Austin stops Kuroda from commiting harikiri] You have shown that you know how to die. Now for the sake of your enemies, show me that you know how to live.

Col. Steve Austin:
You're going home.

Kuroda:
[his face lightens] Home? My mother... my brother... if they still live, how will they greet me?

Col. Steve Austin:
You'll soon see.

Oscar Goldman:
There's a time-bomb hanging over our heads, and Qual has already lit the fuse.

Violette:
Quail, that fence is 30 feet. Nobody can vault that high.

Quail:
But he did get over the fence...

Violette:
But who is he, Quail? Eh, How much does he know, Who send him?

Quail:
Those are three very good questions, my dear, and we shall find the answers, I promise you.

Quail:
Oh Violette, I'm so disappointed in you.

Quail:
I find that... wording unfortunate, but the answer is yes, I plan to kill them.

Oscar Goldman:
[helping the rubber-suited diver in through the entry-hatch, and assuming that it's Steve, but then staring in slightly wary surprise when the diver takes off its mask and reveals the head of a woman] Who are YOU?

Col. Steve Austin:
[emerging from the hatchway behind Violette, and smiling at Oscar in an amused mischievous "surprised you!" manner] Oh, a little mermaid I picked up along the way... she swims for Interpol.

Oscar Goldman:
[recovering from his surprise and remembering his manners, so he removes his coat to wrap around the shivering girl] Well... welcome!

Oscar Goldman:
You could have made this look a little more like a legitimate government project.

MacGregor:
We brought this bunch of hoodlum deadbeats here to get gold out of this mountain quickly and quietly period. We're not paying them to try to look legitimate.

Connors:
[having arrested Steve Austin for trespassing] Hop right in there, pretty boy, don't get your suit dirty.

Connors:
[Steve Austin has stopped a runnaway mine car using his bionic strenght] How, how did you do that?

Col. Steve Austin:
It runs in the family.

Connors:
[panting] Thanks...

Col. Steve Austin:
Any time, pretty boy.

Oscar Goldman:
I can't believe it's you, Bert. You, doing this.

Bert Carrington:
Please do believe it, Oscar, it is me.

Oscar Goldman:
My God.

Bert Carrington:
Oscar, telephone Neville airbase. Use that eh, priority one codename of yours, 'Snow White' . Use that, and the red tape shall be parted and they will let my millions go.

Col. Steve Austin:
Now Carrington told me that he'd always beaten you, ever since school, at everything.

Oscar Goldman:
That's true.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well this time he lost.

Oscar Goldman:
So did I, pal...

Madame Salka Pal-Mir:
Which is better? To have a week of peace talks, now that I've got them together. Or gamble with our friends, have surgery and live for...

Dr. Rudy Wells:
Well, there's no telling, Madame Prime-Minister. It could extend your life considerably.

Madame Salka Pal-Mir:
I have never trusted very good looking men.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I've never trusted good looking Prime-Ministers. [Pal-Mir laughs heartily]

Madame Salka Pal-Mir:
What a thing to say. I have been called many things in my time. Ruthless, fanatical, dictatorial. But good looking, this is a first! [another burst of laugher]

Dr. Av Ni:
Salka, please!

Madame Salka Pal-Mir:
Ah, my good Dr. Avni is afraid I will die laughing. Tell me, Avni, you know a better way to go?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well that's just the thing, you can't argue with a woman.

Madame Salka Pal-Mir:
What's hard about it? It's very easy to argue with me. Avni, tell him how easy it is to argue with me.

Dr. Av Ni:
Arguing is easy, winning is hard.

Linda:
[Pal-Mir is talking to Sarah while Steve Austin lifts her van out of the sand] Hey, it's out of the sand! How did that happen?

Madame Salka Pal-Mir:
Meditation. Sometimes it works.

Madame Salka Pal-Mir:
If only Salka Pal-Mir were 40 years younger...

Col. Steve Austin:
If only Steve Austin were 30 years older. [kisses her hand]

Charles Colby:
She took some more film on her own?

Billy Jackson:
Yes Mr. Colby, but eh, she said it was very important.

Charles Colby:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's always important. I mean we got miles of film that's she's taken of pigeons and, and clouds, and all that was important, wasn't it?

Billy Jackson:
Yes, sir.

Charles Colby:
You know when I was a Washington correspondent, I didn't use as much film on the Presidents inauguration as she wasted last week on sandcastles.

Oscar Goldman:
You know, I didn't know that you were interested in archaeology, I thought you were just going along to keep me company, ride your dune buggy.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, what really interests me is watching Oscar Goldman dig holes in the ground.

Col. Steve Austin:
Hey now, wait a minute, Oscar, what you're about to do, that's like hitting a butterfly with a sledgehammer.

Oscar Goldman:
You remember what I said to you about a target on your back?

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah.

Oscar Goldman:
Well that lady is loading the rifle, pal.

Victoria Webster:
He's a rat, your mister Goldman, calling me a blackmailer.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, he's not so bad once you get to know him.

Victoria Webster:
The world is entitled to know such advanced technology as you excist. Think what that would mean, that would give hope to countless people. I'm gonna get this story, and you'd better believe it.

Karl:
Let's face it. You are not cut out for climbing, fighting or killing and that's what we're gonna be doing.

Col. Steve Austin:
Hey, are you always the reporter? I mean don't you ever take time to enjoy life, or to does, eh, your work take priority over everything else?

Victoria Webster:
I have the unique capability of doing both. Like now, I'm enjoying both.

Victor:
She thinks we're fakes.

Oscar Goldman:
I wish they were.

Victoria Webster:
Ooh, very good, Mr. Goldman, but not quite good enough.

Karl:
What happened?

Victor:
He's too much. You're gonna have to kill him.

Charles Colby:
He's not worth anything dead.

Karl:
Shut up! It's a personal thing for me now.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well this is the, eh, negative of the film Miss Webster shot of me rescuing here on the cliff. It's all the bionic stuff.

Oscar Goldman:
[startled, Oscar glances at Victoria who feigns innocence] Why you... here, give me that.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh no, Oscar, I'm on her side.

Col. Steve Austin:
What's in the little black box?

Dr. Rudy Wells:
[Rudy is clearly uncomfortable] How've you been, Steve? I called you to come to a party that we were having at the lab last week but Oscar's office said you were busy.

Col. Steve Austin:
You know, doc, you haven't changed a bit. Even when you're faking, your bedside manner is terrible.

Nicole Simmons:
Is your arm generating the power to work the defroster?

Col. Steve Austin:
[Steve nods] Yes.

Nicole Simmons:
Then it has to be atomic powered.

Col. Steve Austin:
That's right.

Nicole Simmons:
Your arm's bionic!

Col. Steve Austin:
Two years ago I was part of an experiment Oscar and Rudy... tried. So far it's worked.

Nicole Simmons:
One of Oscar's experiments... called in to help another one of Oscar's experiments... kinda makes us family, doesn't it?

Col. Steve Austin:
Sorta. Country cousins.

Col. Steve Austin:
You sure you ok?

Dr. Rudy Wells:
[weak but annoyed] I'm a doctor, aren't I? Just let me lie here till the dizziness passes. You want a medical name for it?

Col. Steve Austin:
[Nicole is tending David] What are is chances?

David Tate:
His chances... his chances are not good.

Col. Steve Austin:
I know you, Oscar, you're not just a glorified public servant. You're a man who has to keep trying to find ways to improve things. In a way, you're a pioneer too. Where would I be if you weren't?

Doorman:
Morning, Colonel Austin.

Col. Steve Austin:
Mornin'

Doorman:
You're up awfully early for Sunday.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I got a speach to write this morning. The way I write 'em, I gotta get an early start, you know?

Robert Meyer:
The American dream was like a beautiful balloon, Mr. Austin, but balloons have a way of bursting in your face and then there's nothing left but air.

Col. Steve Austin:
Lingstrom? [Lingstrom is shaving, doesn't answer]

Col. Steve Austin:
I need your help.

Niles Lingstrom:
That a fact?

Col. Steve Austin:
Robert Meyer created a timebomb that's gonna destroy the Liberty Bell in less than five hours.

Niles Lingstrom:
I heard. Ain't that a shame?

Col. Steve Austin:
You're the one man that might be able to defuse that bomb.

Niles Lingstrom:
[chuckles] And I ain't interested.

Col. Steve Austin:
Look, Lingstrom, there's a job to be done. If you wanna tackle it, fine. If you don't, I'll put you right back in the can.

Niles Lingstrom:
All right... [pants] But under one condition: if I'm gonna get myself blown up, you are gonna be in there with me

Col. Steve Austin:
[unflinching] Where else do you think I'd be?

Niles Lingstrom:
[to Steve] If you don't make it, they'll be picking us up with a sponge.

Niles Lingstrom:
You know, maybe Meyer had the right idea putting America over a barrell. This country's given some people a raw deal.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, some people have given this country a raw deal. Nothing's perfect, Niles, this country's basically what we make it, nothing better, nothing worse.

Niles Lingstrom:
[to Doug] Now look, I'm not interested in your nickel and dime philosophy or history lessons. Man, you must bore that kid o' yours stiff.

Niles Lingstrom:
I don't understand you. With your strenght and speed, you could have just beat it out of here, saved your own tail.

Col. Steve Austin:
I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Oscar Goldman:
What do you think?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, If I didn't know better, I would think a bionic man came through here.

Oscar Goldman:
You haven't gone into business for yourself, have you, pal?

Col. Steve Austin:
I don't know. It's... it's like there's something there. I can almost remember, but not quite... it's frustrating.

Jamie Sommers:
Tell me about it. I'm the one who wrote the book on partial memory, remember?

Gilian:
It's a time-line converter, a TLC. It allows us to move faster or slower through time than the objects around us. So, it we can apparently disappear... [she does just that, reappearing behind Steve]... and reappear somewhere else. We can't go through locked doors, but we can go through unlocked ones so fast you can't see us.

Nedlick:
Sasquatch, attack, or you know what happens to Shalon.

Nuclear Center Guard:
Alright, freeze, mister. Hit the deck! Come on, hit the deck!

Col. Steve Austin:
Wait a minute, I'm Colonel Steve Austin.

Nuclear Center Guard:
I don't care if you're Nelson Rockefeller, hit the deck, come on!

Oscar Goldman:
You look a million miles away.

Col. Steve Austin:
I was just thinking of... somebody.

Oscar Goldman:
Anybody I know?

Col. Steve Austin:
No, not anymore.

Col. Steve Austin:
[Rudy Wells is pushing a wheelchair bound Steve Austin] Well, it may not have effected my eyesight, but boy, my legs must have got really chewed up.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
Yeah, they were. We had to use a car load of components to rebuild them. I'll send you the bill in the morning.

Col. Steve Austin:
Hey, wait a minute, I'm still under warranty, you know.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
Yeah, well, you were about due for your 20.000 mile check-up, anyway.

Col. Steve Austin:
Tell me something...

Dr. Rudy Wells:
What?

Col. Steve Austin:
And I want it straight... will I ever be able to run sixty miles per hour again?

Col. Steve Austin:
[threatening Oscar and Rudy] You've got five seconds to tell me what's going on, or I'm gonna start using this Bionic arm you two gave me and throw you both through these walls!

Oscar Goldman:
We planned to keep Michael's surgery a secret as long as Jaime was in a coma, to spare you... losing her again.

Jaime Sommers:
You know, Michael is sweet, and I'm very fond of him, but... you and I, Steve, were are kind of special, I guess. And, eh, I'm gonna need you to help me adjust. Ehm... help me be bionic.

Jaime Sommers:
I'm glad you're my friend, Steve. I don't really have anybody to talk to about Michael, you know, like a girlfriend or somebody. Cause sometimes I just wanna gobble him up and yet other times I feel like I have this eh... like I have somebody else...

Col. Steve Austin:
[pokes head around coor] Arey you decent?

Jaime Sommers:
[lying on bed] Go away.

Col. Steve Austin:
What?

Jaime Sommers:
I'm on strike today and there's no work.

Michael Marchetti:
I mean Jaime's showing all the symptoms of the classic patient/doctor infatuation - doctor saves woman's life, woman looks at doctor with amazement, admiration; a kind of desire...

Col. Steve Austin:
And how does doctor look at woman?

Michael Marchetti:
Listen, Steve... I'd be a liar if I didn't tell you that I find Jaime incredibly attractive. Her mind is quick, her wit is sharp, and she's a lovely woman.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, I know.

Jaime Sommers:
Steve, sometimes I feel like I'm just on te edge of remembering, and then it hurts and it's so frustrating cause I... It's driving me crazy, isn't there anything they can do?

Jamie Sommers:
[carving a heart in a tree with her fingernail ] What every woman wants: a bionic fingernail.

Jamie Sommers:
I want Oscar to put me to work and use these bionics he gave me.

Col. Steve Austin:
Jaime, I don't know...

Jamie Sommers:
Oh Steve, I gotta work. I've gotta get my mind on some new things.

Col. Steve Austin:
Look, I know what you're saying, but...

Jamie Sommers:
I know I'll be alright, Steve. Between my bionics and your friendship and Michael's help we can't lose, really.

Jamie Sommers:
Steve, I know I'm right, and so do you. Now you're cute, but he's not gonna look twice at your legs.

Col. Steve Austin:
Michael?

Michael Marchetti:
Yes Steve? [Steve beckons him over to the window]

Col. Steve Austin:
You brought her back to life and put her into my hands again. Now I'm putting her into yours.

Jamie Sommers:
I don't know what it is, but sometimes I look at you and I get a feeling like there's something more. Was there?

Col. Steve Austin:
I'm your friend, Jaime, always was, always will be.

Ivan Bekey:
Say lady, how would you like to spend a second honeymoon? Right here. There's nobody around for forty miles.

Marlene Bekey:
Discipline, Dr. Bekey. You're here as a geologist, not a husband.

Ivan Bekey:
And you, Dr. Bekey, are a slavedriver.

Oscar Goldman:
[looking at a giant footprint] What is it, a mountain lion?

Col. Steve Austin:
No, it's too big. What do you think, a huge grizzly, Tom?

Tom Raintree:
No. No, not a cat. Not a grizzly.

Oscar Goldman:
Well, what is it?

Tom Raintree:
There's only one thing in the mountains that leaves a track like this. The creature of legend that roams the Timberline. My people named him Sasquatch. You call him... Bigfoot.

Apploy:
[looking down at Steve Austin] He's by far the most interesting man we've seen.

Jaime Sommers:
[on phone in classroom] You're office told me that you and Steve were in the California Mountains. I, eh, what are you doing, fishing?

Oscar Goldman:
[on other line, on location] I wish we were fishing.

Shalon:
You're really very special, Colonel Austin. Are there many more of you?

Col. Steve Austin:
...Yes, there's a whole army of us.

Shalon:
[sensors start beeping] Now Colonel, you and I both know that's not true, don't we?

Apploy:
I am delighted to welcome you to our colony, especially since you are a fellow space traveler.

Col. Steve Austin:
Then you are really not from Earth?

Apploy:
As Shalon may have indicated to you, we come from a rather... eh, distant place.

Faler:
Distant to say the least.

Apploy:
And Faler here has developed a superficial allergy to your world.

Faler:
In more ways than one.

Col. Steve Austin:
You know doctor, when I first met you, your bedside manner did suprise me a little bit. You treat all your patients that way?

Shalon:
[laughs] Of course not, but I've been stuck here with those stuffy scientists for two years. You were like a breath of fresh air. Not only attractive and witty, but also bionic. My specialty.

Col. Steve Austin:
[referring to Sasquatch] Have you made others like him?

Shalon:
No, he's my baby.

Shalon:
[about to erase part of Steve's memory] You will not be forgotten.

Col. Steve Austin:
I wish I could say the same.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
So you played a little patty-fingers with my head nurse there for a while, huh?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, Rudy, while you were rebuilding me into something other men weren't, Oscar was confincing me that I'd be better and stronger and so forth, why, Carla was there you know, all those days and nights that I spend staring up at the hospital ceiling, she was there...

Oscar Goldman:
Look pal, I dropped everything and high-tailed it out here because you... you imagined that you saw...

Col. Steve Austin:
[interrupting] Well, what I'm starting to imagine is that the three people I trust most in the world are gaslighting me!

Barney Miller:
Did you really think that when the great Oscar Goldman pushed one of his little buttons and ordered up you, his brand new bionic gadget, did you really think he ordered only one of a kind? [pause] Wrong.

Oscar Goldman:
Steve, your friendship is most important to me.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar, I don't lie to my friends.

Oscar Goldman:
There are times when I have to lie.

Barney Miller:
Everytime it gets cold out, this arm starts creaking. Had it back at Doc Wells three times now.

Col. Steve Austin:
Relax, Barney. Like I said, you'll do fine.

Barney Miller:
Fine? Yeah, were both just fine. A couple of carefully engineered deadly weapons by Mr. Oscar Goldman out of Dr. Rudy Wells.

Barney Miller:
What did you cost?

Col. Steve Austin:
Six million.

Barney Miller:
Six? [taps chest] Seven.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, old inflation gets us all.

Barney Miller:
[laughs] Listen to the man, Rudy. Astronaut, world famous, authentic physical miracle. Probably still buys his wrist watches at the Air Force PX. Listen Stevie boy, when you got it, you don't flaunt it, man, you use it!

Col. Steve Austin:
Barney, the adrenaline's flowing, you're feeling good. Don't get carried away.

Barney Miller:
[raised voice] Away! That rhymes with pay and that stands for... Oscar.

Oscar Goldman:
[holding a file marked Most Secret] You want me to take seven million dollars worth of bionic perfection and toss it down the drain, huh? [tosses file on table]

Col. Steve Austin:
Well I got one advantage over you there, Oscar, I don't care about the seven million dollars.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
If I'm afraid, Barney, it's not of you, it's for you.

Dr. Rudy Wells:
[shouting] This is lunacy!

Barney Miller:
[turns round in door opening] You put me together, Rudy. The nuts, the bolts, the wires. Tell me, can the machine be more lunatic than those who created it?

Col. Steve Austin:
Please don't wrinkle my jacket.

John Perry:
Well, oh, if you let me wrinkle your jacket, I'll let you wrinkle my hair.

Damon:
Why don't you look in my ear, there's a cannon in there.

John Perry:
We've got a little surprise for ya, we have a celebrity with us that I'd like to introduce now. He's not a performer, but his eh, TV show thrilled millions of people all over the world. I guess you won't recognize him here on Earth. But on the moon, he is the one and the only, the super astronaut Colonel Steve Austin, how 'bout a hand for him, folks?

Col. Steve Austin:
Well hello Linda.

Linda:
Hi Steve.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oscar wants a little talk with you.

Linda:
Oh, sorry, no time, I'm already late for rehearsal.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, you're gonna be late, about twenty years late. Oscar will explain it to you.

John Perry:
Hey hold it Steve, I'll finish 'em for ya.

Col. Steve Austin:
John, go sing, will ya? Come on.

Kermit:
Now then, what sort of business you got with Mr. Willis?

Col. Steve Austin:
Look, just tell me where he is, you're wasting my time.

Kermit:
You may not have a whole lotta time to waste, so why don't you just hop in this fancy machine of yours and ease on outta town. Do you read me, boy?

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, like a dime novel. [grabs him by the dungarees and lifst him onto the hood of his car] You tell me where I can find Bo Willis, boy, or I'm gonna sharpen your heels and drive you into the ground, you understand me?

Col. Steve Austin:
I'll have a drink.

Johnny:
Water, soda pop or milk? This here's a dry county, mister.

Col. Steve Austin:
I really came in to try some of that famous Bo Willis White Lightning.

Johnny:
I don't know what you're talking about, mister.

Bo Willis:
Get him outta here. I'm tired of his jaw jackin'

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I thought files came in cakes.

Middy:
Just sandwiches, if you wanna buy 'em.

Col. Steve Austin:
Better not try it. Willis might not like his number one boy getting blown up.

Sheriff Weems:
How did you know?

Col. Steve Austin:
I saw it in a movie once.

Sheriff Weems:
But it's dark.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, it was dark in the movie, too.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, I'm sure you heard what happened to the still and car and the tanker truck while I was in jail.

Charles Quinten:
Yes. Sounds like you have an army behind you.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well, let's just say I got a strong right arm.

Sheriff Weems:
Listen, we just as soon work for you, I never did like Willis anyway.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, that's mighty nice of you, but I got other plans for you too.

Sheriff Weems:
You, you ain't gonna put that snake up here, are ya?

Col. Steve Austin:
No, he'd, eh, probably bite you and get sick.

Col. Steve Austin:
Well how does it look?

Oscar Goldman:
Quinten's ready to make a deal.

Col. Steve Austin:
No, that's not what I meant.

Oscar Goldman:
Well frankly pal, I like you better with the beard.

Col. Steve Austin:
I didn't, I didn't mean the beard, I meant the sign.

Oscar Goldman:
Oh, the sign? Oh, yeah. Oh the sign, yeah, the sign looks good. Why?

Col. Steve Austin:
You always this brave with frightened women?

Sheriff Weems:
You shut your mouth, bright boy! And come along... we got a squirmy little pet out here, who's dying to get his teeth into you!

Sheriff Weems:
This is as far as you go! [pushes Steve towards a hole]

Col. Steve Austin:
I suppose I'll find out what happened to the other troublemakers now, huh?

Sheriff Weems:
Well lots of strangers have bad accidents, in this part of the woods

Col. Steve Austin:
y-yeah? What kind of accidents?

Kermit:
Take a look in the hole, bright boy!

Sheriff Weems:
[Steve glances down to see Rattle Snake] Get in the hole, boy!

Col. Steve Austin:
Please, fellas! No!

Kermit:
You wont have to stay long! [pushes Steve into the hole]

Col. Steve Austin:
Ugh! [grunts from the fall] Aagh... Ow! [snake bites his leg]

Kermit:
Aw! Bit him in the leg! [Steve grunts in pain as the snake bites again] Oh he's a mean one! [Kermit smiles] Bit him-Bit him in the other leg!

Sheriff Weems:
You can get out of there now, bright boy. [Steve crawls out of the hole fake limping and groaning]

Oscar Goldman:
You'll never guess who called me today.

Col. Steve Austin:
Oh, who?

Oscar Goldman:
Dr. Emil Losey.

Col. Steve Austin:
Losey, hey, how is that old guy?

Oscar Goldman:
Oh, he's fine. I miss him. Especially his genius.

Oscar Goldman:
The country that develops hydrogen fusion, would be the worlds greatest power.

Col. Steve Austin:
I know, Oscar, I just didn't want to step on your lines, you get such a pleasure delivering them. [Callahan giggles]

Oscar Goldman:
Just what's so funny about this. Wait a minute, this is a very serious matter.

Oscar Goldman:
I'm sorry, Oscar, it's you just take such a wordy way to get to the point.

Col. Steve Austin:
Open your mouth, Callahan.

Peggy Callahan:
I wll not.

Col. Steve Austin:
Look, if you wanna prove that your fianc?e is innocent, open your mouth.

Peggy Callahan:
My mother is the only person in the whole world who loves me completely. And she'll be broken hearted when she learns about you.

Gene Finney:
Learns what about me?

Peggy Callahan:
That you're a cad. Perhaps the caddiest cad I have ever met.

Agee:
Lady, I have a gun in my pocket. Now get up, and walk to the door, or it just might go off.

Shige Ishikawa:
I'll tell my secretary what men you with to take with you and what supplies you will need.

Kuroda:
I need only one man to help me, sir.

Shige Ishikawa:
One man?

Kuroda:
Yes sir. The man who brought me out of the Philipine jungle. The astronaut, my friend, Colonel Steve Austin.

Col. Steve Austin:
Falling boulders a common thing around here?

Kuroda:
Sometimes. But that was too close.

Col. Steve Austin:
Yeah, you can say that again.

Col. Steve Austin:
You'd like to stay here with him in the forest, wouldn't you?

Kuroda:
Yes. But you are right, we should get the boy back quickly.

Col. Steve Austin:
I found a path that will get us to the jeep by dark. [notices Kuroda's foot stuck in a bear trap] You've found another trap, huh?

Kuroda:
Accident.

Col. Steve Austin:
You know, Kuroda, you've been telling me how hard it is for you to adjust to city life. Imagine how hard it's gonna be for him.

Kuroda:
You mean, Gary and I can go back, life in forest?

Col. Steve Austin:
For a few months. Then we'll see how it works out.

Byron Falco:
[praising Leslie's graceful glider flying] You looked beautiful up there!

Leslie Morales:
[playfully feigning reproachful anxiousness about what Falco thinks of her personal attractiveness] Up THERE...?

Byron Falco:
[in an amused appeasing tone] Well, you look beautiful here, too.

Leslie Morales:
[placidly] Oh, thank you.