Toast of the Town

[Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby are singing "Road to Morocco", when Frank spots Bob Hope walking down the stairs at the back of the stage]

Frank:
Run for the hills.

[Bob Hope has walked in on Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby singing' Road to Morocco']

Bing:
What's the problem?

Bob:
[pointing at Frank] You're singing our song with him.

Frank:
I said I was sorry.

Bob:
After all, Dean wouldn't do this to Jerry.

Bing:
Bob, I'll tell you what happened. I didn't know you were in town. I heard, or I figured at least, that you'd gone for a ride on the Russian moon.

Frank:
[indicating Bob] Ladies and Gentlemen, here's the first man to entertain the troops in Outer Space.

Bing:
You certainly get around.

Bob:
I have to, with my kind of act.

[introducing the Beatles - 9 February 1964]

Ed:
Yesterday and today, our theatre's been jammed with newspapermen and hundreds of photographers from all over the nation. And these veterans agree with me that the city never has witnessed the excitement stirred by these youngsters from Liverpool who call themselves 'The Beatles.' Now tonight you're going to be twice entertained by them. Right now, and again in the second half of our show. Ladies and gentlemen, The Beatles.

Impressionist:
Well, it's an election year and once again a lot of the Hollywood stars are ou campaigning for the candidates of both parties because of their interest in politics, of course. A funny thing occured to me - what if these stars decided to run for these offices themselves? They'd have no trouble getting votes because of their popularity and in a short time, the stars would be running the country. I can see it now - you're in the nation's capital - Las Vegas, Nevada...

Steve Rossi:
Rocky, would you say you're the best fighter in the country?

Rocky Allen:
Yeah, but in the city they murder me.

Steve Rossi:
Do you watch all the movies of your fights?

Rocky Allen:
No - x-rays.

Himself - Comedian:
All right, lets get the boxing... All right, now what's the first thing you do when you get in the ring?

Himself - Comedian:
Try to get out.

Himself - Comedian:
You know, I didn't notice any marks on your face.

Himself - Comedian:
I had my nose fixed.

Himself - Comedian:
Did they straighten it?

Himself - Comedian:
They put it between my eyes.

Himself - Comedian:
Are you going to fight Sonny Liston?

Himself - Comedian:
Yeah, I have a minute.