Unnatural History

Henry Griffin:
[opening voice over] My name is Henry Griffin. I spent my whole life living in exotic places. And I learned a great many things. I also had a habit of getting into trouble, a lot of trouble. So to keep me safe, my anthropologist parents shipped me off to the one place I've never lived, America. Now I live with my uncle and cousin trying to fit in at Smithson High, a school inside the National Museum Complex. I work in the museum's basement, where they store all kinds of weird stuff.

Henry Griffin:
[voice over] No matter how much I try to avoid it, trouble always seems to find me.

Jasper Bartlett:
[a group of people are holding a long line of his clothes, which have been knotted together] Hey, those guys are playing tug-of-war with my underwear!

Maggie Winnock:
If it's valuable, I suggest you hide it during the party, along with anything else in this house you've ever been fond of. Unless you want people messing with your tighty whities. [Hands Jasper a laundry basket containing his underwear]

Hunter O'Herlihy:
[Hands Henry the ruby] I've had that thing for 82 minutes, and you would not believe the funky luck that's gone down. And I mean that literally. [as he walks away, his white briefs are revealed through his torn jeans]

Maggie Winnock:
Where were you raised, in a cave?

Henry Griffin:
Only for a year.

Henry Griffin:
They've been concealing themselves in the empty lockers. That's how they know when to make their move.

Jasper Bartlett:
Cowards! Ducking into lockers and hiding behind masks - all so they can invade people's privacy! Well, you know what? Two can play at that game.

Henry Griffin:
What'd you have in mind?

Jasper Bartlett:
I'm gonna' do what the FBI would do - I'm gonna' invade their privacy. Go help Maggie with the Dillinger case. I'm all over this one...