A Night in Casablanca

Ronald Kornblow:
You know, I think you're the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

Beatrice Rheiner:
[eagerly] Do you really?

Ronald Kornblow:
No, but I don't mind lying if it'll get me somewheres.

Beatrice Rheiner:
I shall be in the Supper Club.

Ronald Kornblow:
The Supper Club?

Beatrice Rheiner:
Yes. Will you join me?

Ronald Kornblow:
Why? Are you coming apart?

Ronald Kornblow:
[just taken off in an airplane] Well, here we are flying in the air.

[stares into camera]

Ronald Kornblow:
What a stupid remark that is.

Ronald Kornblow:
After all, I'm a man and you're a woman... and I can't think of a better arrangement.

Corbaccio:
What you need is a good bodyguard.

Ronald Kornblow:
What I need is a good body. The one I've got isn't worth guarding.

Ronald Kornblow:
I don't mind being killed, but I resent hearing it from a character whose head comes to a point!

Ronald Kornblow:
From now on the essence of this hotel will be speed. If a customer askes you for a three-minute egg, give it to him in two minutes. If he askes you for a two-minute egg, give it to him in one minute. If he askes you for a one-minute egg, give him the chicken and let him work it out for himself!

Beatrice Rheiner:
My name's Beatrice Rheiner. I stop at the hotel.

Ronald Kornblow:
My name's Ronald Kornblow. I stop at nothing!

Mr. Smythe:
Sir, this lady is my wife. You should be ashamed.

Ronald Kornblow:
If this lady is your wife, YOU should be ashamed.

Beatrice Rheiner:
Oh, come on now. You wouldn't say no to a lady.

Ronald Kornblow:
I don't know why not? They always say no to me.

Ronald Kornblow:
How about getting rid of that mutt?

Beatrice Rheiner:
Oh, Frou-Frou's a watchdog.

Ronald Kornblow:
Well, let him watch somebody else.

Beatrice Rheiner:
Oh, Frou-Frou won't bother us. He has such good manners.

Ronald Kornblow:
If he had such good manners, he'd get off your lap and give me a seat. He can stand up better than I can, he's got twice as many legs.

Ronald Kornblow:
It's a funny thing. I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down.

Ronald Kornblow:
Call me Montgomery.

Beatrice Rheiner:
Is that your name?

Ronald Kornblow:
No. I'm just breaking it in for a friend.

Ronald Kornblow:
[as the new hotel manager, Groucho has asked what happened to a previous manager]

Governor Galoux:
Monsieur! We caught him stealing money! We were forced to discharge him!

Ronald Kornblow:
I see. You want a manager that doesn't steal money. Good day, gentlemen.

Ronald Kornblow:
[tries to leave]

Prefect of Police Capt. Brizzard:
[holds Kornblow back] Please Monsieur Kornblow do not take offense. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Ronald Kornblow:
Well, that's quite a trick. You try that sometime.

Ronald Kornblow:
The elevator is stuck between the fifth and sixth floors? This could only happen to me!

Corbaccio:
I be-a you bodyguard! I watch-a you like a mother watches a baby!

Ronald Kornblow:
Is the mother pretty?

Corbaccio:
Why?

Ronald Kornblow:
Well, if she is, you watch the baby, I'll watch the mother!

Ronald Kornblow:
[as Beatrice Rheiner is leaving the room, with her back to the camera] That reminds me, I must get my watch fixed. [Alluding to her Hourglass-shaped body]

Corbaccio:
[Sitting down at the piano to play with the hotel's orchestra] We're gonna' play a little classical number. We're gonna' play the Second Movement from "The Beer Barrel Polka".

Ronald Kornblow:
[Bea and Kornblow are playfully blowing smoke at each other] This is like living in Pittsburgh - if you can call that "living".

Corbaccio:
[Bumping into an Arab street vendor selling clothing] You gotta' be careful with those guys: they take you to the cleaners.

Ronald Kornblow:
Well, gentlemen, I'm a different man behind a desk - as any stenographer can tell you. But, uh, what I want to know, is why they're burying the last manager. And don't tell me it's because he's dead.

Corbaccio:
[the bottle of champagne they've just uncorked turns out to be empty] Hey, you cheap crook, that bottle's empty!

Ronald Kornblow:
That's "dry" champagne!

Ronald Kornblow:
[Talking to a hotel guest over the phone] Hello? What's that, sir? You've been up in your room three-and-a-half hours, and your trunks haven't arrived? Well, put your pants on. Nobody'll know the difference.

Annette:
[Noticing a very disheveled Mr. Kornblow making his way back to the hotel] Good heavens, Mr. Kornblow, what happened?

Ronald Kornblow:
What happened! I was stood up by a woman, and knocked down by a car. These Casa Blanca drivers are terrible! He missed me three times. I finally had to climb a palm tree, and he hit that instead.