[singing] I gotta get back to Hogwarts! I gotta get back to school! I gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool! Back to witches and wizards, and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love, and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts!
You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermine Granger! You know what I would give her on a scale of 1 to 10? 1 would be the ugliest and 10 pretty... I would give her an 8... 8.5... or a 9... Not, not over a 9.8 cause there is always room for improvement. Not everyone is perfect, like me. That's why I'm holding out for a 10. Because I'm worth it!
And another very special welcome to our newest member of Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny, excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley.
Yeah, I'm a girl, and, um, also aren't we supposed to be sorted by the, um, Sorting Hat?
Well, uh, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year.
Basically I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care.
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