[responding to Chet's loud arrogant bombastic behavior] We need to set an example, Chet. [walks up to Achmed and shakes his hand] Carl Zimmer. We're not all teabagging wingnuts like this guy, Claude.
[indignantly] Yeah? And we're not all freedom-hating, Al-kissing, gunless lesbians like this guy! AmeriCAAA!
[in a low sneering growl of restrained fury and disgust] Achmed! **Why** are you still ALIVE?
[in cheerful imperturbability] Nice talking to you, too!
[cheering on the trivia-quiz show on Hussan's TV in the background] Wheel - - Of - - TORTURE!
I should have heard a BIG BOOM by now! You have worked for us for T'REE YEA'S now, and you STILL haven't killed INFIDEL ONE! I swear - - you are da most useless suicide bomber in da ENTIRE WORLD!
Not to worry, Hussan - - I will get it right this time.
Achmed! You blundering EEMbecile! Are you forgetting that you BLEW UP OUR TRAINING CAMP? Da only t'ing left was da MONKEY BAHS!
older of two observing chimps:
[contemptuously watching a line of terrorist-trainees awkwardly swinging themselves along by their hands from underneath the tubular metal framework] Oh, puh-lease - - we are SO-O-O much better at this stuff than they are!
HomeBound Buffet waitress:
Did you enjoy your meal, gentlemen?
Oh, yes it was perfect, thank you. We had a most delicious and filling dinner, burped and farted to our hearts' content, and now we're leaving.
HomeBound Buffet waitress:
Are you sure? We're just now bringing out a new trough of fresh Butterfinger pieces.
How very fattening of you. But much as we'd love to gorge ourselves into an early grave, we really have to go now.
[disgustedly, upon hearing Achmed say he wants to return to America and help the Wilsons] I cannot believe that you would want to go back to that devil-filled country of INFIDELS! You are insane. I would pay more attention to the shrieks of a rabid WUTAH BUFFALO!
[sarcastically] Ah, yes - - and how is your wife? [snickers heartily at his own joke] Pithy American put-down humor!
[fist-swipes Achmed across the head and knocks his sombrero off, then glowers fiercely at him] For that insolence I should KEEL you until you are DEAD! [abruptly relaxes his face into a casual considering expression as he calmly ponders Achmed's question] But - - she is fine, thank you for asking... she has lost some weight... more COW than WUTAH BUFFALO these days, I'd say.
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"Achmed Saves America Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2018. Web. 17 Jan. 2018. <https://www.quotes.net/movies/Achmed Saves America>.