Sugar & Spice

Lisa Janusch:
...he was a bar of chocolate and the whole school was on the rag - everybody wanted a piece.

Diane:
Nobody ever got ahead by sitting on their behinds!

Lisa Janusch:
I don't know about the Hey, but the Ho was right on.

Hannah:
I'm sorry, can someone else please run the board? It's creepy, it's wrong, and it goes against the teachings of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Kansas:
Hannah, in order to get real answers from the Netherworld, you've gotta have a Christian virgin run the board. Your kind is pure of heart, the devil won't dick with you.

Lucy Whitman:
You just became a statistic.

Kansas:
Oh, my god. I'm not the first.

Cleo Miller:
Did you say you are pregnant or you were pregnant. You had it, threw it out, and now you're gonna go dance all night?

Jack Bartlett:
Who would you be, Count Chocula or Trix Rabbit?

Diane:
Trix Rabbit.

Jack Bartlett:
I love this lady!

Diane:
If the O.J. trial taught us anything, it taught us that, in America, you can cut somebody's head off and still be innocent as long as you have enough money.

Hannah:
I'm gonna be someone's bald b*tch!

Diane:
You know, even the most beautiful flowers still grow from dirt. And we may be knee-deep in it right now, but we're gonna grow strong from this.

Dianne's Mom:
I'm DeeDee. You can remember me because of my double D's!

Dianne's Dad:
Honey, don't show them those!

Dianne's Dad:
And I'm Dianne's dad, Dennis. Now, don't try that after one of my screw-drivers.

Dianne's Mom:
Say, who wants pigs-in-a-blanket?

Cleo Miller:
Can you imagine, Conan's head on Keanu's body? Unstoppable.

Kansas:
My best friend got pregnant.

Mrs. Hill:
Woohoo, before you?

Kansas:
Yeah that's what i said too.

Lisa Janusch:
Then there's Hannah... she's like this uber-Christian or something. Doesn't really say much. In fact if she wasn't kind of pretty people would say, "Hey, who's the 'tard?"

Hannah:
Technically I don't think I'm a virgin anymore. This past summer at church camp I think I had my first orgasm.

Kansas:
Any sentence that starts with church camp aint leading to the big O.

Cleo Miller:
That's not true Kansas. Jesus all sweaty and bare-chested on the cross always made me kinda hot.

Diane:
I want to hear.

Hannah:
Okay, so one night I want out horseback riding with the nuns - they went every night and we're trotting pretty hard you know. And suddenly I feel totally alive.

Lisa Janusch:
It blew like a bulimic after Christmas dinner

Kansas:
Yeah? Well, how would you like me to introduce my foot into your ass!

Kansas:
Hey Lisa, did you meet Carmen Electra this summer?

Lisa Janusch:
No.

Kansas:
Oh, cause it looks like you got some of her tits on you.

Kansas:
It's in the Bible, so just shut the hell up!

Mrs. Hill:
Kansas, I'd like you to meet someone special.

Kansas:
Jesus Christ, Mom! It's bad enough you're in prison, but you're a dyke too?

Mrs. Hill:
Shut up! You mouthy little sh*t!

Kansas:
That's it, I'm outta here.

Mrs. Hill:
Hold on a minute. She ain't my b*tch if that's what you think. She's a specialist in banks.

Hannah:
And Tim Conoway was very funny. And they all learned a lot from the experience a...

Kansas:
Wait a minute. You watched The Apple F***ING Dumpling Gang?

Geeky Guy:
I feel totally abandon in a place that values physical prowess over mental acuity. I can't wait until all of that changes in the real world.

Lisa Janusch:
Normally I'm a good skater, but some jealous fag

Lisa Janusch:
, who will remain nameless, obviously sabotaged them.

Diane:
Jack sold the car for some goddamn gift of the Maggi thing-

Diane:
OOps! Mommy's sorry, sweetpeas. Swearing's the surest way to - oh, sh*t! Mommy needs a getaway car!