Burying the Ex

Max, Evelyn:
We will always be together... always and forever

Olivia:
Green, eco-friendly zone.

Evelyn:
Werewolves and vampires and zombies, they're figments, Max. They're not real.

Max:
What did I say about using my place for sex?

Travis:
I don't know.

Max:
I said: use your own place.

Travis:
And risk having these chicks know where I live?

Travis:
I think this is expired.

Max:
Twinkies don't expire.

Travis:
Yeah they do. Every 4 weeks.

Max:
Really?

Travis:
Then they get good again.

Olivia:
So I took off all of my clothes, and I stood right in front of him, and I said, "you either pick Jesus, or you pick me." He picked Jesus.

Max:
She's back, she's dead, and she thinks we're still dating!

Evelyn:
If I kill you, then we can live happily ever after.

Max:
I'll let Evelyn eat me, turn me into one of the living dead, and we can rot unhappily ever after.

Max:
You ate Travis. You ate my brother.

Evelyn:
Half brother, Max.

Evelyn:
You broke my heart!

Max:
I know, but it's not beating any more.

Evelyn:
Can't we just go back to the way things were?

Max:
You're dead to me.

Olivia:
[repeatedly hitting her] Stay - dead - you - stupid - zombie - b*tch!

[last lines]

Travis:
Hey baby, you ever bang a zombie? Once you go undead, it's never been better in bed. Just sayin'...