Farce of the Penguins

What's global warming Penguin:
Careful, you might start an avalanche.

There's no snow Penguin:
With what? There's no f***ing snow!

Marcus:
Now get your head out of my ass, you 'Brokeback Mountain' b*tch.

Melissa:
I am tired of the club scene!

Vicky:
So are the baby seals!

Narrator:
And analogous to being a half-man/half-woman, Antarctica used to be populated by thick bushes, until millions of years ago when it slowly drifted to the south-most point of the Earth, where all hell froze over. America used to be populated by thick bushes, too, until they started bikini waxes and Brazilian cuts... Mmm-mmm, I miss big bushes!

Narrator:
Antarctica is one-and-a-half times the size of the United States, a claim once made in the 1960s by Cuba. But this isn't the story about a country who's just waiting for their next dictator to die. This is the story about the amazing creatures who for millions of years have lived here, in Mother Earth's frigid, white anus. This is a story about survival. It is a story about determination, but mainly it is a story about love, penguin love. This is the farce of the penguins!

Jimmy:
You know, I'm so full right now if I farted, a minnow would pop out of my ass. I'd probably eat it too.

Online Penguin:
[just got rejected by a female penguin] Is it because my breath smells like ass?

Marcus:
Yeah! Bounce to it!

Melissa:
[about Helen] Has she ever held on to a man?

Vicky:
Only by the throat.

Carl:
Cuz he loved her... in a way IIIIIII never diiiiiiiid...

Marcus:
Say hello to my puddin pop!