Gnomeo & Juliet

Bill Shakespeare:
[after spotting the large explosion in the background] Told ya so.

Red Good Gnomes:
[First Lines] The story you are about to see has been told before. A lot.

Juliet:
Oh, Gnomeo, Gnomeo, are we really doomed to never see each other again? Why must you wear a blue hat? Why couldn't it be red like my father, or green like... like a leprechaun... or purple like, ummm, like some weird guy - I mean what's in a gnome? Because you are blue, my father sees red, and because I am red, I am feeling blue. Oh, at any rate that shouldn't be the thing to keep us apart, should it?

Gnomeo:
No, no, it shouldn't! I couldn't have said it better myself!

Juliet:
Oh, my giddy aunt, did you just hear all that? What are you doing here?

Gnomeo:
I don't know! I just wanted to, uh [Gives a nervous chuckle] , I just wanted to see you again!

Juliet:
Are you crazy? If my dad finds you he'll bury you under the patio!

Gnomeo:
'Finds me', are you joking? 'Stealth' is my middle name! [Steps on the button which sets off a display of bright lights]

Featherstone:
A weed by any other name is still a weed.

Lord Redbrick:
Attack!

Lady Bluebury:
Counter-attack!

Lord Redbrick:
Counter-counter-attack!

Lady Bluebury:
My, your tulips are looking a little limp this year, aren't they?

Lord Redbrick:
Oh! I don't like what you're incinerating.

Lady Bluebury:
The proper word is "insinuating", illiterate.

Lord Redbrick:
I am not illiterate! My parents were married!

Gnomeo:
Let's kick some grass!

Nanette:
What happened to that very important, life changing orchid?

Juliet:
[Walking away] What orchid?

Featherstone:
[Indicating Shroom] He followed your scent all the way from the alley, and he doesn't even have a nose

[lowers his voice]

Featherstone:
I checked.

Lord Redbrick:
[Turning away from the wrecked pedestal] I'm sorry about your son

Lady Bluebury:
I'm sorry about your daughter

Lord Redbrick:
[Steps forward and holds out his hand] This feud...

Lady Bluebury:
Is over.

[Takes his hand]

Fawn:
[Looking at the graffitied well] Why would anyone do this to Tybalt?

Red Good Gnomes:
Because nobody likes him!

Lord Redbrick:
[On the Blue gnome who infiltrated the Red garden] When I find him, he'll be sleeping with the fishes! [Cut to Gnomeo and Shroom sitting at the bottom of the pond]

Juliet:
He's a Blue!

Gnomeo:
She's a Red!

Featherstone:
And I'm Pink - who cares!

Lord Redbrick:
You are delicate!

Juliet:
[Turns and faces her father] I'm not delicate!

[kicks her tulip off the pedestal]

Nanette:
[Removes the tulip from her mouth] She's definitely not delicate!

[Juliet is worried someone may have heard the collapse of the log pile]

Gnomeo:
It's alright - nobody lives here.

Juliet:
Then why are you whispering?

Gnomeo:
Why are you whispering?

Juliet:
[Spotting something behind Gnomeo] Wow - look at that! [Runs towards it]

Gnomeo:
I guess we're finished with the whispering thing!

Benny:
I love going Commando!

Terrafirminator V.O.:
MEOW!

Nanette:
[to Shroom] You look like a fun-gi!

Fawn:
Ok, who's cheating?

Redbrick:
When will you realize you're delicate?

Juliet:
[Turns and faces her father; angry] I'm not delicate! [kicks her plastic rose off her pedestal]

Redbrick':
[Walks away; annoyed] Stubborn girl.

Nanette:
[Removes the rose from her mouth] She's definitely not delicate!

Fawn:
You're the greatest boss, the greatest by far! (nudges the little red gnomes)

Little Red Gnomes:
The greatest, the greatest by far.

Benny:
A cheat, a cheat, that's what you are!

Little Red Gnomes:
A cheat, a cheat, that's what you are! [Get kicked by Fawn]

Nanette:
Definitely not.

[After Juliet returns to the Red Garden after meeting Gnomeo]

Nanette:
What happened to that very important, life changing orchid?

Juliet:
[Walking away] Um. Uh. Wha-What orchid? What!

Nanette:
Hmm. Shut up. You are met a boy!

Juliet:
What? No.

Announcer:
Are you losing the war in your garden? Well, brother, maybe it's time for a secret weapon - TERRAFIRMINATOR!!! It's the most ruthless, 500-horsepower, grass-dominating piece of hardware the world has ever seen! TERRAFIRMINATOR!!! It's unnecessarily POWERFUL! Now with 75 percent more POWER! It clears! CLEARS! It digs! DIGS! It mows! MOWS! Your lawn will be AFRAID to grow! TERRAFIRMINATOR!!! It's a weapon of grass DESTRUCTION!!!!!

Disclaimer:
Terrafirminator will not inhibit grass from growing. Not recommended for residential use. Brother.

Gnomeo:
Hey there, Juliet. What a name. It’s a great name. Goes with your... eyes. You’re looking really cool. You’re looking good. Did IT hurt when you fell down from heaven? That’s a killer, man. Yeah, no. You’re looking cool. Yeah. How’s it going with you, baby?

[Juliet arrvies]

Juliet:
Oh I’m fine baby, how are you.

Gnomeo:
Uh, I, uh, never better.

[Juliet is worried someone may have heard the collapse of a log pile]

Juliet:
[Anxiously] Do you think anyone heard that?

Gnomeo:
[Whispering] There's nobody here.

Juliet:
[Also whispering] Then why are you whispering?

Gnomeo:
[Flirtatiously] Why are you whispering?

Juliet:
[Giggles, then spots something behind Gnomeo; excited] Wow - look at that! [Runs towards it]

Gnomeo:
[Disappointed] I guess we're finished with the whispering thing!

Juliet:
It’s a 1950s MacAllister Ranger. Let’s start her up!

Gnomeo:
Yeah! Okay. Check out the power on this beauty. She’s empty. Bingo.

Announcer:
TERRAFIRMINATOR!!! Are you losing the war in your garden?

Benny:
Never!

Announcer:
Well, brother, maybe it's time for a secret weapon!

Benny:
Bring it on.

Announcer:
TERRAFIRMINATOR!!!

Benny:
This one's for Gnomeo! [selects the Terrafirminator]

Announcer:
MEOW!!!

[After Juliet returns to the Red Garden after meeting Gnomeo]

Nanette:
What happened to that very important, life changing orchid?

Juliet:
[Walking away] Um. Uh. Wha-What orchid? What?

Nanette:
Hmm. Shut up. You met a boy!

Juliet:
What? No. Well, maybe of sort of... Yes. Yes, I did.

Nanette:
I need details! And go slowly!

Juliet:
Is he totally gorgeous?

Nanette:
Totally. Does he have a nice rotund belly?

Gnomeo:
[Practicing flirting with Juliet] Nice name. It really goes with your...eyes.

Gnomeo:
Well, I grabbed it first, but if you want it, come get it.

Gnomeo:
Who's your gnomie?

Gnomeo:
Well, this isn't my greenhouse.

Gnomeo:
Nice greenhouse, eh?

Gnomeo:
Tybalt, you just crossed the line!

Gnomeo:
[To Juliet, after she tells him to leave] I'm not going anywhere.

Juliet:
[shouts] I'm not delicate!

Juliet:
"Who's your gnomie?" [grabs the flower] Who's your gnomie now?

Juliet:
[While Paris serenades her badly; sarcastically] Oh, my dad sure knows how to choose 'em.

Juliet:
I saw it first!

Juliet:
What's in a gnome?

Benny:
A cheat! A cheat, that's what you are!

Benny:
[not seen, but voice heard] Well, you don't get much stealthier than this. [Camera turns to reveal Benny wearing a flower costume] Hello!

Benny:
[After seeing Ms. Montague order the Kitten Clipper instead of the Terrafirminator; shocked] Not the Kitten Clipper?! Oh no...

Tybalt:
Sucker!

Tybalt:
No!

Tybalt:
Oh, please, please, my friends. Tell me something I don't already know.

Tybalt:
Well, Benny. I didn't think it was possible, but your mouth is getting even bigger than your hat!

Tybalt:
Yeah. The finish line.

Tybalt:
Adios, loser!

Tybalt:
Get them, you idiots!

Tybalt:
Well, do I look like a begonia?

Tybalt:
Find them!

Tybalt:
Juliet, you're not allowed off your pedestal. What are you doing out in the alley?

Tybalt:
We're looking for a blue gnome. Yeah, he's an ugly little fella. Got a scratch right here.

Tybalt:
You haven't seen him, have you?

Tybalt:
Well, lucky you.

Tybalt:
Come on, let's get inside.

Tybalt:
Find their weak spot.

Tybalt:
Damage. Lots and lots of damage.

Tybalt:
You boys fancy a little bit of fun? Let's take this baby out into the alley.

Tybalt:
Weren't gonna have a smashing time!

Tybalt:
Well, if it isn't little big-hat Benny. Mess with our garden, will ya?

Tybalt:
Ooh, that felt good.

Tybalt:
You wouldn't attack an unarmed gnome, would ya?

Tybalt:
Pity!

Tybalt:
You don't think I'm gonna fall for that old trick, do ya? What wall?

Tybalt:
Oh, that wall.

Nanette:
[when Juliet leaves for the flower] TAKE CARE! I'LL TELL YOUR DAD YOU'RE DOING YOUR HAIR!

Featherstone:
I may not be a smart bird, but I know what love is.

Featherstone:
Oh, I'm sure scared!

Featherstone:
Chocolate's in stranger, chocolate's in stranger...

Dolly Gnome:
Now, I know you know the rules and I don't have to repeat them, but I'm gonna 'cause I wanna, and here they are.