Hot Pursuit

Captain Emmett:
What I'm about to say can't leave this room. Do you know who Vicente Cortez is?

Cooper:
Yes, he is the top lieutenant in the cartel. He is known as the Bank of Bogota, the Tender Tender, the Lender Lender, the Money Launderer, El Chapo, the Pork Chop...

Captain Emmett:
Okay, okay... Tomorrow morning, you will escort our witness to Dallas so she can testify against Cortez... But Cortez has killed every witness we've had.

Cooper:
Mrs. Riva, I'm Officer Cooper. I'm here to escort you to Dallas. You must have not seen me.

Daniella Riva:
Oh, I saw you. I was trying to hit your flat ass.

Cooper:
Mrs. Riva, I am a police officer.

Daniella Riva:
Oh please! Look at you! You are teeny tiny! You look like a little dog that I can put in my purse.

Cooper:
I can assure you, ma'am, that I meet the minimum height requirement of an adult female my weight.

Cooper:
You don't have to like me but I'm your best chance at surviving... What the heck is that?

Daniella Riva:
Philippe must have put baking powder in the car.

Cooper:
How much baking powder?

Daniella Riva:
I don't know, maybe like 42 kilos.

Trucker:
Hey, are y'all okay? I took that turn way too fast. What the heck is this white stuff?

Cooper, Daniella Riva:
Baking powder.

Cooper:
We're bakers, muffins, toast, cakes.

Trucker:
I should call the police.

Cooper:
No, I am the mother f'in police. Don't you see? There's no major damage here. You're free to go.

Trucker:
But I destroyed your car.

Randy:
I know who you are. You all are wanted.

Cooper:
I am a police officer. Mrs. Riva, she's a federal witness in my protective custody. Everybody in this state is looking for her, dirty cops and the cartel. We need a couple hours to lie low. Now, can you help us with that?

Randy:
I kind of like your smile.

Daniella Riva:
What is that white thing?

Cooper:
Oh, that's my underwear.

Daniella Riva:
That's no underwear. That's a diaper!

Cooper:
I like a lot of coverage.

Cooper:
You're in danger, ma'am, but everything's going to be fine.

Daniella Riva:
What about my husband?

Cooper:
Everything but your husband's going to be fine.

Daniella Riva:
[hysterically] Ahhhhhh!

News Reporter:
Officer Cooper stands at four feet, 11 inches.

Cooper:
Oh, come on!

News Reporter:
The other suspect, a 45-year-old Latino woman.

Daniella Riva:
45? My madre!...

News Reporter:
Officer Cooper is four feet, nine inches.

Cooper:
I am five-foot, two.

News Reporter:
Traveling with a 50-year-old suspect.

Cooper:
Randy?

Randy:
Whoa, hey!

Cooper:
Penis! Oh my God! Penis!

Randy:
I'm going to get...

Cooper:
We have to get out of this car right now or they're going to kill us both. Follow me... Mrs. Riva is having some problems with some lady business.

Police Officer:
Can't she just hold it?

Daniella Riva:
No, you see, once a month it sheds its lining.

Cooper:
It sheds!

Daniella Riva:
So that the eggs descend into the...

Detective Hauser:
Oh my God!

Cooper:
[in Spanish] I can't wait to see you behind bars.

Daniella Riva:
Do you speak Spanish?

Cooper:
[in Spanish] Shut your mouth.

Daniella Riva:
[in Spanish] You tiny little whitey.

Cooper:
[in Spanish] Your big, fat mouth.

Daniella Riva:
[in Spanish] Birdbrain.