It's a Great Feeling

Jack Carson:
She gave you a chance to be directed by Carson.

Dennis Morgan:
Directed! You couldn't even teach Lassie how to act like a dog!

Jack Carson:
Believe me, Dennis, I'll see to it that she is as good in this as Jane Wyman was in Johnny Belinda.

Dennis Morgan:
She didn't even *talk* in that one!

Jack Carson:
Well, you can't have *everything*.

[phone rings]

Jack Carson:
Hey, maybe that's her... er, or sh-she. Not that I care.

Jack Carson:
But Dennis! Dennis, you've got to help me find a leading lady. Look. We're pals! Buddies! When you first came to Hollywood, down on your luck, broke, didn't have what to eat, who gave you the first square meal?

Dennis Morgan:
Salvation Army!

Jack Carson:
Well, who phoned them?

Dennis Morgan:
Who gave you the nickel?

Jack Carson:
It was a slug!

Jack Carson:
Hey Dennis, I think you've got something there. I'll discover her. I'll put her in the picture. I'll direct her, and that beautiful little doll will be grateful to me! *Very* grateful.

Dennis Morgan:
Oh, no. *I* will discover her. I'll play the love scenes with her. We'll rehearse at my house at night. And she will be very grateful to *me*.

Publicity man:
Now, listen boys, send a couple of cameramen over to Pasadena. We want some cheesecake on Yvonne Amour. You know, 'I love America' with legs crossed.

Reporter:
What do I tell them? They want a biography.

Publicity man:
Yvonne Amour. Born in the shadow of the Eiffel tower.

Reporter:
How to you know?

Publicity man:
It's a big tower!

Publicity man:
Her father. A colonel in the French Foreign Legion. Killed sixteen years ago in Northern Afghanistan. Let's see them check that!

Jack Carson:
[after being slapped] What was that for?

Joan Crawford:
Oh, I do that in all my pictures.