12 oz. Mouse

Police Officer:
[after being covered with blood] Is that ice cream? Awesome.

Talent Scout:
Hold it yourself, Pops! Whoa! Zinger!

Eye:
I live on an Island in Iowa... or Wyoming.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
No. You can't do that.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
We just spent $64,000 in that bar. We're going to have to get jobs, to cover up the fact that we rob banks.

Shark:
He's rectangley. That's how you'll know him. By his rectangularness.

Shark:
So let me get this straight.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Okay.

Shark:
I sent you out to pick up a client and take him to a meeting.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Yes. Yes, sir.

Shark:
Instead of that, you took him to a porno set where he starred in his very first porno, then you blew him up...

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Wrong. That didn't happen.

Shark:
Then you robbed a bank.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Robbed a bank?

Shark:
Threw up on a woman...

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[incredulous] Whaaaaat?

Shark:
And sang to the police.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
That didn't happen. I didn't do that.

Shark:
So what did you do?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I did what I wanted to do.

Shark:
Which was what, again?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
All things. Allllll.

Shark:
You know what they say? That I'm gonna give you one more chance. Do they always say that?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Oh, yeah. I think I'll give you one more chance!

[Mouse pulls out a gun and shoots the Shark multiple times]

Shark:
Bulletproof.

Shark:
Are you drunk?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Not drunk enough.

Shark:
[referring to Mouse's job] You didn't do it, did you?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
No, no I did.

Shark:
No no no no no... don't lie. 'Cause you didn't do it, did you?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Did

Shark:
What was the job?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
To do things.

Shark:
For what?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Mmm...

Shark:
And don't say money.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Rubles...

[pause]

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Barney Rubles.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[jumping onto the desk, noticing the ghost-like person in the room] Hey, who's the ghost?

Shark:
That's the new guy.

Roostre:
What are you, a mouse, or a... [pauses]

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Or what?

Roostre:
Hell, I don't know. You look like a damn mouse. The mouse.

Green Sweatered Woman:
I don't have to tell you who I am. You don't ask me who I am, you don't know me, you don't need to know who I am, you don't know who I am, you don't ask me who I am, you don't know me, you don't need to know who I am, you don't know who I am.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I know. No one knows who you are. Congratulations.

Green Sweatered Woman:
I don't have to say thank you to you. I said I don't have to say thank you to you. I don't have to say thank you to you. I said I don't have to say thank you to you. I don't have to say thank you to you.

[Mouse & Co. pull out guns and shoot her]

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
All right. There's a special-effects guy outside. He did the work on Black Beast. He the best. There's not an entire beast in the movie, but you think there is. He's that good. He's gonna make a mold of your head.

Golden Joe:
Say what!

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
He's gonna make a mold... of your Golden Joe head. Then I'm gonna take it to Shark. He's gonna think you're dead. But you're not... not yet.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I could get lost in this... field of corn dogs. But I'd never get hungry I could eat... corn dogs.

Rhoda:
So, do you want the usual 12 beers at a time?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
No, let's make it... let's make it 13.

Eye:
You kill trees.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Shut up.

Eye:
Trees make oxygen.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Up yours.

Eye:
I breathe it. You breathe it.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I shut up. You shut up.

Shark:
Hey, you're back.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Your back, your front.

Shark:
Can I help you?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Can I help *you*?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I've got a lot on my mind and a lot of gun in my hand.

Police Officer:
Bro... I don't know if you know... but, like, if this freaks you out just let me know... but, like, Joe and me and... let me know if Joe...

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I love a party. With clowns and cakes. You know, I can't remember the last time I was at a party, and that is what is driving me out of my brains.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
This is all like some sort of puke dream that I can't seem to shake the sweats from.

Roostre:
...and so, uh, now when I sleep I pull the covers over my ears because my sheets are banana spies.

Eye:
I'm having fun at your part"eye".

Shark:
Yeah, thanks, uh, love it over there... away from me... in Canada... or farther.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Oh, my head... my brain... my... my beer.

Golden Joe:
Man, let's roll from here, man!

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Mmmm... let's go out later. I want to drink some... so I can drive.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
What do you know about tanks?

Golden Joe:
They are big as hell!

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
They're also good for busting squirrels out of jail. But first... this tank needs some liquor.

Shark:
A head your size would burst like an infected kidney... and all I'd remember was how warm the juices were that lapped the back of my uvula on their trip down to stomach land.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Where is everyone? And why?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
This party is weird. Nobody seems to be... partying.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
We're going to be Rock Stars. But first... we must burgle.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I'm hungry too, but there's nothing but a hand and a cold phone in the icebox.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I am enthusiastic... about all beer.

Rhoda:
[referring to Skillet] What is that? Is that a dog?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
He's a squirrel.

Rhoda:
Yeah, I know. Come 'ere little squirrely.

[Skillet squeaks]

Rhoda:
Come and get yourself a nut.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Shut up.

Rhoda:
You shut up! You have no idea what kind of party is in store for us!

[Mouse points his gun at Rhoda]

Rhoda:
[nervously] Okay?

Police Officer:
[to Mouse, who has broken into a music store and started playing a guitar] That was sweet!

Police Officer:
[hums rock and roll tune]

Police Officer:
Rock and roll!

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
It's called F-Off... to you... so take a hint.

Police Officer:
Umm, is that your stolen jet outside? With those bags of money in the backseat?

[chuckles]

Police Officer:
Dude?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Does it have bullet holes in it?

Police Officer:
Um... no.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Then it's not mine, is it?

Eye:
I... saw your slideshow.

Shark:
I know. I showed it to you. I was there, your big wet eyeball was there, we were both there. 'Member?

Eye:
I do.

Shark:
Who told you about the party? 'Cause I don't have people in that often. And you're not even people. You round, wet, unblinking, horrific orb. You're gross. I really wish you would leave my party.

Police Officer:
[looking at a wall covered in hats] It's like I'm staring at thousands of shoes!

[Mouse interviews for a job]

Shark:
Can I help you?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Can I help YOU?

Shark:
What do you do?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I do it all.

Shark:
Have a seat.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I will, because that's something I can do.

Shark:
Do something.

[Long pause, clock ticking]

Shark:
Do something.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I am. I did.

Shark:
What have you done?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[interrupts] It's already done.

Shark:
What did you do?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I helped you.

Shark:
Are you drunk?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[Under his breath] ...Not drunk enough!

Liquor:
Eh Fitz, the usual?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Yep.

Liquor:
Let's see.

[pause]

Liquor:
That'll be...

[Fitz grabs beer]

Liquor:
$300?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Tell ya what.

[drinks beer and throws in on ground and leaves before Siren Lady sirens in Liquor's head.]

[Skillet notices that his leg brace security device from prison has begun to blink and beep. He screams and jumps frantically]

Eye:
What in the piss is wrong with your friend?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
His name is Night Moves. He was born with it. And he loves tanks.

[The brace on Skillet's leg explodes, leaving no trace of Skillet behind]

Eye:
Whoa.

[Fitz shoots one of Shark's cameras inside his house]

Shark:
Now, little guy's cameraphobic. Should have known.

Roostre:
You know radar is spelled backwards is radar. Did you know that?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[pauses]

Roostre:
You're thinkin' about it ain't ya?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Maybe.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[to Shark on phone] Hello?

Shark:
Did you found my record?

[cuts to next scene where Mouse finds a random severed hand]

Shark:
You found it, didn't you?

Shark:
Now, spin it.

Shark:
[to Mouse] Drive him to cheese industries. You don't even know where that is. That's why we picked you, because everybody else knows.

Shark:
How about now?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Yes, how about now?

Shark:
Yeah, now's good. Before would have been better, but before is over.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
What do you want?

Rectangular Businessman:
I have an appointment at Cheese Industries.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
So?

Rectangular Businessman:
I'd like to hire you to drive me there.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
No talking. Pay.

Rectangular Businessman:
How much in the world is it?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[serious] Get in.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
You like porno?

Rectangular Businessman:
Well, uh...

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Look at this.

[Fitz shows square guy a sex doll]

Rectangular Businessman:
Um, I don't have any eyes.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Oh, man. Sucks for you.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Hey, why don't you feel around back there and grab me a beer?

Rectangular Businessman:
But you're driving.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Was driving. Sitting back here with you now.

[Fitz took the square guy to a unknown house apartment]

Rectangular Businessman:
Wait a second. This isn't Cheese Industries.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
It's about to be. You should take off your shirt.

Rectangular Businessman:
What?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Just lie down on the bed. Ok, and roll camera. And action.

[Fitz gives the square guy the sex doll, but doesn't play with it]

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Action. Come on now.

Rectangular Businessman:
Although this is a comfortable bed.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Kiss it.

Rectangular Businessman:
I don't think this is Cheese Industries.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Kiss it. Squeeze it.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[talks about the square guy] My head. That guy was such a dork. We should rob that bank.

Rhoda:
[to Mouse] What are you celebrating here? Your outstanding gayness?

Rhoda:
You robbed a bank?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Hell, yeah.

Rhoda:
You boys are wild.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Yes, we are.

Rhoda:
[laughs] I mean, you boys are like "WILD" wild, you know what I mean?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
I mean, completely wild at a wildness, wildy, and I salute you.

[They both salute]

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Yes, sir.

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Like, whoa. Lookit down there.

[sees a woman at the bar]

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[flirts] Me-ouse. Meouse.