Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Hellboy:
Oh, crap.

Hellboy:
Open wide!

Hellboy:
WHAT'S MY FLAW?!

Hellboy:
Glasshole.

Hellboy:
[laughs hysterically; referring to Tom Manning] Gas pocket. What an idiot.

Hellboy:
Hey, I think we gotta lose the garbage truck. Sends out the wrong signal.

Hellboy:
Lucy, I'm home! [referring to the Fragglewump dressed as an old lady]

Abe Sapien:
It's quite obvious it's a breathing apparatus!

Abe Sapien:
You would do the exact same for Liz.

Abe Sapien:
It's The Last One!! ( last six pack of beer when opening the fridge )

Liz Sherman:
I- I hate it when people stare at me. It makes me feel like a freak. You had no right, Red.

Liz Sherman:
(to Hellboy) I'll stay with you. You're the best man I know.

Johann Krauss:
Damen und Herren, Johann Krauss, at your service.

Johann Krauss:
[as Hellboy fights the forest god] You must shoot it in ze energy ganglion! [Hellboy: "What?!"] Ze energy ganglion! Scheissekopf, ZE HEAD! SHOOT IT IN ZE HEAD!

Johann Krauss:
[to Hellboy] Are you threatening me? Because I zink I can take you.

Johann Krauss:
Zere we are! Your temper - it makes you sloppy! Try to control it, Agent Hellboy, before it controls you. [walks away, singing cheerfully in German]

Johann Krauss:
Agent Sherman... Liz... screw ze clearance! We will take zat plane!

Johann Krauss:
Well, I'm out of ideas.

Prince Nuada:
[after killing an auctioneer] Be quiet. [retrieves the first piece of the Golden Army crown; everyone screams in the background] SIT... DOWN! Proud, empty, hollow things that you are. Let this remind you... why you once feared the dark. [releases a swarm of flesh-eating faeries unto all the auctioneers]

Prince Nuada:
Kill them.

Prince Nuada:
(to Hellboy about the Forest god) Demon! What are you waiting for? This is what you want, isn't it? Look at it. The last of its kind. Like you and I. If you destroy it, the world will never see its kind again... You have more in common with us than with them. You could be a king... If you cannot command, than you must obey.

Prince Nuada:
I have returned from exile to wage war and reclaim our land, our birthright! And for that I will call upon the help of all my people and they will answer. The good, the bad...and the worst.

Prince Nuada:
We die... and the world will be poorer for it.

Prince Nuada:
(defeated, to Hellboy) Kill me. You must. For I will not stop. I cannot.

Prince Nuada:
[to Hellboy] You may have mused in the past "Am I mortal?" [stabs him with a spear] You are now.

Prince Nuada:
I am Prince Nuada Silverlance, leader of the Golden Army! Is there anyone here who would dispute my right?

Tom Manning:
(to Hellboy) You've murdered me. You have murdered me. You have ridiculed me, and y-... you have brought this unto yourself.

Tom Manning:
(about Hellboy's publicity) I suppress each photo, cell phone videos, they cost me a fortune, and then they show up on Youtube... God, I hate Youtube!

Goblin:
(taking the group to the resting place of the Golden Army) Here we are... and there they are. Seventy times seventy soldiers. Sometimes I wish we'd never created them. Bim-bam went the hammers! Whoosh went the furnaces! One of those fires took my legs off. This is as far as I go. I'm not very good with steps. But if you're here to stop him, the Prince, I wish you luck. The Golden Army must not awaken. Undo what we did.

Professor Trevor Bruttenholm:
It is said that at the dawn of time, man, beast, and all magical beings lived together under Aeglin, the Father Tree. But man had been created with a hole in his heart, a hole that no possession, power, or knowledge could fill. And in his infinite greed, man dreamed of expanding his dominion over the entire earth. The blood of many an elf, ogre, and goblin spilled in their war with man, and King Balor, the one-armed king of Elfland watched the slaughter in dread and despair. But one day, the master of the goblin blacksmiths offered to build the king a golden mechanical army, seventy times seventy soldiers, that would never know hunger, and could not be stopped. Prince Nuada begged his father to agree. "Build me this army," the king said. And so, a magical crown was forged that would allow those of royal blood to command the Golden Army, if unchallenged. "I am King Balor, leader of the Golden Army." "Is there anyone who disputes my right?" And in his throne room, no one challenged his word. So the world was changed and the next time the humans marched, they felt the earth tremble beneath their feet and saw the sky darkened with monstrous shapes. The Golden Army have no remorse, felt no loyalty for pain. And King Balor's heart grew heavy in regret, so he called a truce. And divided the crown in three pieces, one for the humans and two for himself. In exchange, man would keep to the cities and the magical beings would own the forests. This truce would be honor by their sons and the sons of their sons until the end of time, but Prince Nuada did not believe in the promises of man. And it is said that he went into exile, vowing to return the day his people needed him most. So the Golden Army laid dormant, locked inside the earth... Waiting... And there it is to this day, awaiting the day the crown is made whole again. Silent, still... and indestructible.

[Nuada enters his father's audience chamber]

King Balor:
[in Gaelic] Why? Why have you done this? Why?

Prince Nuada:
To set us free. All of us, Father.

King Balor:
[in Gaelic] You have broken an ancient truce between our people and mankind.

Prince Nuada:
A truce based on shame! The humans have forgotten the gods, destroyed the Earth. And for what?! Parking lots, shopping malls! Greed has burned a hole in their hearts that will never be filled; they will NEVER have enough!

King Balor:
What humans do is in their nature; to honour the truce is in ours.

Prince Nuada:
Honour? Look at this place. Where is the honour in it? Father, you were once a proud warrior. When did you become their pet? [turns to the crowd] I have returned from exile to wage war and reclaim our land, our birthright. And for that, I will call upon the help of all of my people. And they will answer - the good, the bad...[holds up the crown piece] and the worst.

King Balor:
[horrified] The Golden Army! You cannot be that mad!

Prince Nuada:
Perhaps I am. Perhaps they made me so.

Jimmy Kimmel:
[on television; referring to Abe Sapien] And what about, what about this guy? Walking around with a toilet seat on his head.

Hellboy:
[laughs] A toilet seat!

Abe Sapien:
[defensive] It's quite obvious it's a breathing apparatus!

Hellboy:
Hey, I think we gotta lose the garbage truck. Sends out the wrong signal. [laughs at television]

Abe Sapien:
Oh, you think that's our problem? Transportation? Hah.

Johann Krauss:
[Krauss speaks with a German accent] Damen und Herren, Johann Krauss at your service.

Abe Sapien:
[whispers to Hellboy] I like him.

Princess Nuala:
(with the others in the meat-locker) To wage his war, my brother needs this. (holding the crown piece and cylinder) The final piece of the crown of BethMora and this map to the location of the Golden Army chamber.

Johann Krauss:
The Golden Army. The harbingers of death, the unstoppable tide...

Hellboy:
(under his breath) Howdy Doody.

Johann Krauss:
Your Highness, if you hand the crown piece over to us--

Princess Nuala:
No. Where it goes, I go. My father died to uphold the truce with your world. We must honor his noble intentions.

Abe Sapien:
The lady is in dire danger.

Johann Krauss:
I take is your are vouching for her, Agent Sapien?

Abe Sapien:
Most emphatically, yes.

Johann Krauss:
Even so... I am sorry, but we simply cannot assume such responsibility on our own.

Hellboy:
(getting in Johann's face) Lady just lost her father, what more do you want?

Johann Krauss:
You may not care, but there are procedures, rules, and little handbooks that--

Hellboy:
She's coming with us. You got that, gasbag?

Johann Krauss:
(offended) What-what did you call me?!

Prince Nuada:
(from behind the group) You! You will pay for what happened to my friend down there.

Hellboy:
(turning to face him, sarcastically) Yeah, right. You take checks?

Prince Nuada:
(enraged) Demon. Born from a womb of shadows, sent to destroy their world, and you still believe you belong?

Hellboy:
Are we going to talk all night? Because I'm really sleepy.

[Johann Krauss runs into Hellboy in a locker room]

Johann Krauss:
Gute nacht, Agent Hellboy. [Hellboy gives him an annoyed look] Look, Agent, I know you don't like me, but I could take away your badge.

Hellboy:
Never had one. Kept asking, though.

Johann Krauss:
You will learn to obey me, follow protocol and stay fockused at all times!

Hellboy:
Oh, that word - "fock-yused"? Yeah, with your accent, I wouldn't use it that much.

Johann Krauss:
I knew Professor Broom, young man.

Hellboy:
You didn't know Professor Broom.

Johann Krauss:
Yes, I did! After my accident...

Hellboy:
(dismissively) Shut up. Shut up!

Johann Krauss:
...he designed this containment suit. A wonderful man. And even then he was worried about your future. He--

Hellboy:
(pointing at him angrily) Hey, gasbag, stop it! Right now.

Johann Krauss:
Or what? Are you threatening me? Because I think I can take you.

Hellboy:
Excuse me?

Johann Krauss:
You heard me.

Hellboy:
(stepping towards him) I couldn't hear you from all the way over there.

Johann Krauss:
I can take you. Because you have one fatal flaw.

Hellboy:
Oh, I wanna hear it.

Johann Krauss:
(chuckling) No, you don't! You can't take criticism.

Hellboy:
Try me.

Johann Krauss:
(pokes Hellboy mockingly) Can't take it.

Hellboy:
(growls and gets right in Johann's face) WHAT'S MY FLAW?!

Johann Krauss:
Your temper! It gets the best of you. Makes you weak, makes you vulnerable--

[Hellboy punches Johann, smashing his glass headpiece and letting his gaseous form flow out; it vanishes under the lockers, while his suit slumps onto the floor]

Hellboy:
Oh crap... Johann? Johann? Johann? Hey, Johann? (glances around uneasily) C'mon, pal, hang in there, will ya? Johann? Johann! (giving up, he leans against the lockers) ... Damn. (sips from a can of beer; suddenly, a locker door slams into his face) ... Ow.

[More locker doors slam into him, knocking him to the floor, where one leaves itself with an indent of his face; he then sits on a bench, inspects the can and tosses it away after finding it empty; Johann's gaseous form remerges from the lockers]

Johann Krauss:
(cheerfully) There we are! Your temper - it makes you sloppy! Try to control it, Agent Hellboy, before it controls you. (walks away, singing to himself in German)

Hellboy:
Glasshole.

[while putting his ear to the library door, Hellboy overhears a faint soft rock song playing on the other side; he enters and the song is different, now classical]

Abe Sapien:
Oh, hello, Red. Well, you're up late.

Hellboy:
What are you listening to?

Abe Sapien:
Oh, uh, Vivaldi. Il cimento dell'armonia. I particularly like the last--

Hellboy:
Hey, hey. What's that? [referring to the item in Abe's hand]

Abe Sapien:
Um, just a remote.

[Hellboy gestures at the hand behind Abe's back]

Abe Sapien:
Oh, uh... [reveals a CD] this? Yes, um...

Hellboy:
..."Popular Love Songs." [takes a moment to realize] Wh-- oh, Abe. You fell for the Princess?

Abe Sapien:
[sighs] She's... she's like me. A creature from another world.

Hellboy:
You need to get out more.

Abe Sapien:
She's alone in the world. I wanna help her. I need to care for her.

Hellboy:
You're in love. Have a beer.

Abe Sapien:
Oh, my body's a temple.

Hellboy:
Well, now it's an amusement park.

Abe Sapien:
No, no, no. The glandular balance of--

Hellboy:
Just shut up and drink it, would you?

Abe Sapien:
[sighs and takes the beer]

Hellboy:
What track?

Abe Sapien:
Eight.

Hellboy:
"Can't... Smile... Without You."

Abe Sapien:
I know.

Hellboy:
Yep, I'm gonna need a beer, too.

Abe Sapien:
Well, see, I love this song. And I can't smile... or cry. I think I have no tear ducts. [presses a button on the remote and "Can't Smile Without You" begins to play on the stereo]

Hellboy:
I wish Father were here. He'd know what to tell you... us.

Radio:
You know I can't smile without you.

Abe Sapien:
[singing faintly] I can't smile without you.

I can't laugh and I can't sing,

I'm finding it hard to do anything.

Hellboy & Abe Sapien:
You see, I feel sad when you're sad.

Hellboy:
Woooo.

Hellboy & Abe Sapien:
I feel glad when you're glad.

If you only knew what I'm going through,

I just can't smile without you.

You came along, just like a song,

And brightened my day;

Who'd have believed that you were part of a dream?

[Hellboy and Abe's singing echoes throughout the corridors and rooms of their paranormal headquarters]

Hellboy & Abe Sapien:
Now it all seems light-years away,

And now you know I can't smile without you;

I can't smile without you.

Goblin:
Hello, old friend! I have brought you visitors. And I have a favor to ask you.

Angel of Death:
[speaks with a demonic rasp] I owe no favor to you, goblin. Leave.

Goblin:
But I have done so much for you! I have brought you many souvenirs. And he has something shiny. Something mine.

Liz Sherman:
Red?

[Hellboy falls to the ground]

Liz Sherman:
Red!

Angel of Death:
Anung un Rama...

Liz Sherman:
You know that name?

Angel of Death:
And yours... Elizabeth Sherman. [laughs briefly; stands up and spreads wings] At last. I have been waiting for you both many a winter moon. I am his death, and I will meet him at each crossroads.

Goblin:
Good, but... when can I have that which is mine?

Liz Sherman:
Can you save him?

Angel of Death:
It is for you to decide that. 'Tis all the same to me. My heart is filled with dust... and sand - but you should know it is his destiny... to bring about the destruction of the Earth. Not now... not tomorrow... but soon enough. Knowing that, you still want him to live? [appears kneeling before Liz] So, child. Make the choice. The world... or him?

Liz Sherman:
[without hesitation] Him.

Angel of Death:
The time will come and you, my dear, will suffer more than anyone.

Liz Sherman:
I'll deal with it. Now save him.

Angel of Death:
It... [reveals the spear tip of Prince Nuada that was lodged in Hellboy's chest] ...is done. [laughs softly] I have done what I can. Now, give him a reason to live.

Goblin:
Hey, friend! What about that which is mine? Don't forget about me! What about me? Friend?

[The Angel of Death disappears in thin air and drops the spear tip on the floor; the goblin retrieves it and bits the tip]

Goblin:
Ahh! Shiny!

Prince Nuada:
You're here. So, I assume you brought the remaining piece.

Johann Krauss:
No, we didn't, but we should discuss--

Prince Nuada:
I'm not addressing you, Tin Man. Abraham.

Hellboy:
[whispers to self] ...Abraham?

[Abe Sapien walks forward to face Prince Nuada]

Prince Nuada:
My sister is well--

Hellboy:
Abe?

Prince Nuada:
As I promised, so.

Princess Nuala:
[speaking Gaelic; subtitles] Don't do it.

[Abe reveals the crest of the Golden Army crown to Nuada]

Hellboy:
What the hell are you doing?!

Abe Sapien:
...You would do the exact same for Liz.

Johann Krauss:
Agent Sapien, NO!

[Abe throws the crest to Prince Nuada, who catches it]

Tom Manning:
What's going on? What's going on?

Hellboy:
I quit. (hands over his belt and weapons)

Tom Manning:
What? Are you serious?

Liz Sherman:
Looks that way doesn't it? (gives Manning her belt and weapon)

Tom Manning:
What's wrong with you? You can't all just quit.

Abe Sapien:
(hands over his belt and weapons & pats Manning on the cheek) Watch us.

Hellboy:
(comes back and takes his big gun) On second thought, I think I'll keep this!

Tom Manning:
Come on. Come on! Johann, they can't do this. Stop them.

Johann Krauss:
Dr. Manning, suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!

Believe it or not - he's the good guy.

[Nuada enters his father's audience chamber and kneels]

Prince Nuada:
[in Gaelic] Father.

King Balor:
[in Gaelic] Why? Why have you done this? Why?

Prince Nuada:
To set us free. All of us, Father.

King Balor:
[in Gaelic] You have broken an ancient truce between our people and mankind.

Prince Nuada:
A truce based on shame! The humans have forgotten the gods, destroyed the Earth. And for what?! Parking lots, shopping malls! Greed has burned a hole in their hearts that will never be filled; they will NEVER have enough!

King Balor:
[in Gaelic] What humans do is in their nature; to honour the truce is in ours.

Prince Nuada:
Honour? Look at this place. Where is the honour in it? Father, you were once a proud warrior. When did you become their pet? [turns to the crowd] I have returned from exile to wage war and reclaim our land, our birthright. And for that, I will call upon the help of all of my people. And they will answer - the good, the bad...[holds up the crown piece] and the worst. [Balor is horrified, as his hand goes to the crown piece in his armor]

King Balor:
[in Gaelic] The Golden Army! You cannot be that mad!

Prince Nuada:
Perhaps I am. Perhaps they made me so.

Princess Nuala:
[in Gaelic] Awaken the army...but our green fields cannot grow out of all that blood. Let the army sleep. If our days have ended, let us all fade.

Prince Nuada:
We will not fade.

King Balor:
[in Gaelic] For the last time, my son, I ask you: is this the path you wish to take?

Prince Nuada:
It is. I'm sorry, Father.

King Balor:
[in Gaelic] Then you leave me no choice. [sighs, looks away] Death! [Balor's guards raise their weapons]

Prince Nuada:
And you, sister, are you at peace with your king's verdict?

Princess Nuala:
I am, my brother. I am.

Prince Nuada:
Then very well. Death it is.

[Nuala looks into the fire. When she turns around, she finds Nuada standing behind her.]

Nuada:
Very quick of you. The parchment, it was of no importance. [Picks up the red-hot cylinder] The cylinder– is very interesting.

[Nuada rolls the cylinder across the table, leaving an imprint.]

Nuada:
We will find the Golden Army here. [Points on the location and turns to Nuala] As for the crown piece, I know it's here. [Caresses Nuala's hair] I can feel that much from you. Father always tried so hard to shield your heart from mine. But it's one of the books, and I will find it.

[Nuada goes over to a bookshelf and takes out a blue book.]

Nuada:
Blue. [Looks through the blue book] You always look so beautiful in blue. [Closes the blue book and slams it on the table, causing Nuala to flinch. He takes out another blue book] Blue. Poetry.

[As Nuada looks through the other blue book, Nuala glances at a third blue book that she hid the crest of the Golden Army crown inside. She turns back to Nuada.]

Nuada:
Love found, and lost. [Closes the other blue book] Only words. [Slams the other blue book on the table] I will find it.

[As Nuada continues searching, Nuala glances at an emergency alarm button.]

[After starting the plane, Abe meets up with Hellboy and Liz.]

Abe:
We need to leave now, before they run our clearance upstairs.

Krauss:
[Walks up to Hellboy, Liz, and Abe] Guten Abend, meine Freunde. (Translation: "Good evening, my friends.") Do you have authorization to take that plane?

Liz:
[Takes out her gun] You're not gonna stop us, Johann.

Krauss:
[Stops walking] On the contrary, I've been giving it some thought, and we should be able to save Agent Hellboy.

[Krauss throws Abe his red valvet bag. Abe catches it.]

Krauss:
You say I'm not human anymore, but you are wrong.

[Abe shakes out two rings.]

Krauss:
I understand you pain all too well. A long time ago, I lost the woman I loved. And that was, in fact, the source of my present misfortune.

[Abe picks up a ring and looks at it.]

Krauss:
I will tell you about it one day. But for now, the tactical advantage is ours. Consider this, the prince lacks the crown piece, and without it, his army poses no threat.

Liz:
So we have clearance, then?

Krauss:
Agent Sherman, Liz, screw ze clearance! We will take zat plane!

[Liz smiles.]

Hellboy:
A forest god, eh? I'm gonna get me Big Baby.

Hellboy:
You woke up the baby.

Hellboy:
I challenge Prince Nuada for the right to command this army.

Hellboy:
[About to fight Nuada] I'm not gonna kill him, Abe. But I am gonna kick his ass.

Hellboy:
You jumpy, slippery bastard. I got you now.

Liz Sherman:
[Hellboy: [Holding up the crown] All that power–] Don't even think about it. [Takes the crown from Hellboy and melts it, while the Golden Army deactivates]

Prince Nuada:
[Last words] The humans, they will tire of you. They have already turned against you. Leave them. Is it them, or us? Which holocaust should be chosen? We die, and the world will be poorer for it. Nuala, my sister.