Now You See Me

J. Daniel Atlas:
First rule of magic: Always be the smartest person in the room.

Merritt McKinney:
I did *not* see that coming.

Merritt McKinney:
When I first met you, I thought you were kind of a... dick.

Henley Reeves:
And?

Merritt McKinney:
No, no. That's it.

J. Daniel Atlas:
That's very nice. I'm touched.

Merritt McKinney:
Yeah, just from the heart.

J. Daniel Atlas:
Well, I didn't say where I was touched.

J. Daniel Atlas:
The more you look, the less you see.

J. Daniel Atlas:
The closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see.

Thaddeus Bradley:
How do you like your Horsemen, fricasseed or fried?

Arthur Tressler:
Shredded!

Thaddeus Bradley:
I'll tell the chef.

Merritt McKinney:
[hypnotizing a cheating husband] And you, Warren Beatty, everytime you see or even *think* of Janet you're going to see me [Merritt slaps the husband's head twice] naked, that's not a pretty sight!

Alma Dray:
Don't you EVER tell me to stay in the car, EVER!

Dylan Rhodes:
Alright, just drive!

J. Daniel Atlas:
Don't worry about it. I'll call you.

Atlas Groupie:
You don't have my number.

J. Daniel Atlas:
I'm magic. I'll find it. Have a good night.

[the four have just met outside the locked door of the apartment room to which they were given Tarot card clues to visit]

Jack Wilder:
No way. J. Daniel Atlas? Dude, I've seen everything that you have ever done. I mean, you're, like - I, I idolize you, seriously.

J. Daniel Atlas:
A true fan. It's so nice to meet you.

[They shake hands]

Jack Wilder:
I'm Jack, by the way.

Merritt McKinney:
Question. Did you get one of these?

[Merritt holds up his Tarot card, and Jack fishes his own out of his pocket, grinning]

Jack Wilder:
Yeah, oh, yeah. Death.

[They each hold up the cards they were given]

Henley Reeves:
The High Priestess.

J. Daniel Atlas:
I'm the Lover.

Henley Reeves:
[covering her comment with a fake cough] Three minutes.

Merritt McKinney:
Hermit.

Jack Wilder:
So what are we - are we waiting for someone? Why, why are we just...?

[Everyone says, "The door's locked."]

Jack Wilder:
Oh, no. Nothing, nothing's ever locked.

[Facial reactions while Jack, still bashful while using his tricks, unlocks the door]

Merritt McKinney:
I'm just trying to create the space for wisdom.

J. Daniel Atlas:
Okay, so you're like Buddha, if he wasn't so enlightened.

Merritt McKinney:
And you're like Jesus, if he was arrogant and all of his miracles were fake.

Merritt McKinney:
Do me a favor. Visualize your most adventurous sexual experience.

Henley Reeves:
Stay out of my head, you perv!

Merritt McKinney:
Well, no, if I stay out of your head, I'm never gonna get into your pants.

Thaddeus Bradley:
Break a leg.

Merritt McKinney:
Hey, you break something too.

Thaddeus Bradley:
If you could reenact that look of absolute befuddlement, it would be perfect for the cover of my DVD.

Thaddeus Bradley:
Want to know how they did it? Just say the magic word.

Thaddeus Bradley:
Whatever is about to follow, whatever this grand trick is, is really going to amaze. Look closely, because the closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see.

J. Daniel Atlas:
What is magic? Focused deception. But deception meant to entertain.

J. Daniel Atlas:
Ladies and gentlemen...

Henley Reeves:
For our next trick...

J. Daniel Atlas:
We are going to rob a bank.

J. Daniel Atlas:
I'm going to flip through this deck and I want you to see one card, and not this one. That's too obvious. Pay close attention. That was too fast. I'll do it again. Are you ready? Okay, now did you see one?

Fan:
Yes

J. Daniel Atlas:
Do you have one in mind?

Fan:
Yes

J. Daniel Atlas:
Now, do you see your card here?

Fan:
No

J. Daniel Atlas:
That's because you're looking too closely. And what have I been telling you all night? The closer you look...

Crowd:
The less you see!

Dylan Rhodes:
I can maintain my resolve much longer than you can maintain that phony arrogance. And the instant that you even show the slightest crack in that smug facade, I'll be there. I'll be all over you like...

J. Daniel Atlas:
Like white on rice? Sorry, that's unfair. Let me warn you. I want you to follow, because no matter what you think you might know, we will always be one step, three steps- seven steps ahead of you, and just when you think you're catching up, that's when we'll be right behind you. And at no time will you be anywhere other than exactly where I want you to be. So come close, get all over me because the closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see.

Dylan Rhodes:
You little sh*t!

Jack Wilder:
[imitating Dylan] You little sh*t!

Dylan Rhodes:
What game ya playin'?

Jack Wilder:
[imitating Dylan] What game ya playin'?

[Jack is an expert impersonator; now that he knows he can mimic Dylan's voice, he speaks confidently into the walkie-talkie]

Jack Wilder:
We're all good at six; move to seven.

[Dylan's police obey and run up to the seventh floor]

Alma Dray:
FBI. Sort of. I need your car.

Merritt McKinney:
Isn't there a proud tradition in the FBI of men wearing dresses? No shame, Agent Fuller. No shame.

Merritt McKinney:
If by "has-been" you're referring to me, I just wanna say I'm flattered, because I always considered myself a never-was.

Merritt McKinney:
Um... Allow me to make plain what we've both been thinking.

Henley Reeves:
And what's that?

Merritt McKinney:
Well, obviously you have feelings of affection for Daniel. Unrequited and misguided, owing to his lack of emotional availability. Consequently, you're very tightly... how should I put it? Um... corked.

Henley Reeves:
Oh, I am?

Merritt McKinney:
Now, recognizing that you have physical needs not being met, and strictly in the vein of helping a sister out, I invite you to think of me as your own personal corkscrew.

Henley Reeves:
Wow, thanks. Let me mull over that offer of cheap and meaningless sex.

Merritt McKinney:
Cheap and meaningless, maybe, but, uh, not time-consuming.

Alma Dray:
Is it magicians in general you have a problem with? Or specifically those guys?

Dylan Rhodes:
I could care less about magicians in general. What I hate is people who exploit other people.

Alma Dray:
Exploit them how?

Dylan Rhodes:
By taking advantage of their weaknesses. Their need to believe in something that's unexplainable in order to make their lives more bearable.

Alma Dray:
I see it as a strength. My life is happier when I believe that.

Thaddeus Bradley:
When a magician waves his hand and says, "This is where the magic is happening." The real trick is happening somewhere else. Misdirection.

Dylan Rhodes:
Really? Can you be any more of a condescending ass?

Thaddeus Bradley:
Yes.

Conan O'Brien:
Remember, if the oxygen mask comes down, put it on the lawyer first. Remember.

Arthur Tressler:
Oh, yes. I always do. It's the lawyer first, then myself, and then the children.

Cowan:
The level of incompetence displayed on the case, that's a magic trick in and of itself. Abracadabra, I'm takin' over...

J. Daniel Atlas:
What is magic? Magic is deception, but deception designed to delight, to entertain, to inspire. It is about belief. Faith.

Henley Reeves:
Trust.

Merritt McKinney:
Without those qualities, magic as an art form would no longer exist.

Henley Reeves:
But what happens if these qualities are not used for their higher purpose? And instead they're used to cheat, lie.

J. Daniel Atlas:
For personal gain, or for greed? Well then it's no longer magic.

Merritt McKinney:
It's crime.

Henley Reeves:
So tonight, for our final act, you're gonna help us set a few things right.

Agent Fuller:
During the show half the audience was hypnotized to believe that they were in the Philharmonic. I guess that "bullshit" was a trigger word.

Dylan Rhodes:
Okay. Hey, hey, ?coutez! Etienne, come on down from there, you're not in the Philharmonic. How do you say "stop" in French?

Alma Dray:
Stop.

Merritt McKinney:
[about Agent Fuller] Please convey my deepest apologies to your colleague out there. I'm really sorry about this whole Tranny Tuesday thing, I was out of line.

Dylan Rhodes:
Tranny Tuesday?

Merritt McKinney:
It's an arrangement he and his wife have, or might not have, if you believe everything Agent Fuller's saying. Correct me, but isn't there a proud tradition in the FBI of men wearing dresses?

[the four have just activated a hologram in the room to which they were mysteriously invited. They all speak with evident awe]

Henley Reeves:
Blueprints!

Merritt McKinney:
They're incredible.

Jack Wilder:
Who do you think did this?

Henley Reeves:
I don't know, but I really want to meet them.

Etienne Forcier:
I have never stolen a thing in my life, okay? I tried to give the money back, but they won't take it.

Agent Dylan Rhodes:
Okay, let's just say you robbed a bank.

Etienne Forcier:
I did.

Agent Dylan Rhodes:
Fine. Fantastic. You did. But since I'm new to this, can you explain to me how you went from Las Vegas to Paris in three seconds?

Etienne Forcier:
With the teleportation helmet.

Agent Dylan Rhodes:
Okay, what the hell is going on here?