The Pirate Movie

Frederic:
[sitting and rubbing his back as a horse runs off] Ohhh! Oww! Ouch! Well I've been as sea since I was one, how the hell would I know how to ride a horse?

Frederic:
[scaring off Mabel's sisters and making them drop their flowers] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to deflower you!

Mabel Stanley:
The body's an eight, the brain's a ten, so let's go.

Major-General Stanley:
Man, I'm older than the Beatles, but I'm younger than the Rolling Stones! yes my name is Major Genral stanly.

Mabel:
You poor thing. Pirates! You mean like walking the plank? Buried treasure? Hack, slash, off with his head, and the Jolly Richard, and everything?

Frederic:
Roger.

Mabel:
Oh, Roger I love it.

Frederic:
No, Frederic without a "k".

Mabel:
Mabel, also without a "k". God, we have so much in common.

Mabel:
You'll be hung.

The Pirate King:
Oh I am, I am, and very well thank you.

The Pirate King:
What's the age of consent around here?

Mabel:
Eighteen.

The Pirate King:
Good! I'm old enough.

Frederic:
Oh, I love you. I'll always love you, come what may.

Mabel:
"Come what may"? We'll all be murdered in our beds come what may.

Frederic:
Well run. For God's sake run!

Mabel:
Death before dishonor. Besides, have you tried running in one of these things. It's a real b*tch.

[Mabel comes in and finds Frederic laying in a coffin.]

Mabel:
Frederic, what are you doing?

Frederic:
Oh, hiding.

Mabel:
My Frederic, hiding? It cannot be the lion-heart troubles at the coming conflict. My love - a wimp!

Frederic:
No, Mabel. A terrible disclosure's just been made.

Mabel:
Then zip it up!

[The Pirate King has just cornered Frederic in their swordfight. The Pirate King has his sword cornered between Frederic's legs.]

The Pirate King:
Drop it, or...

Frederic:
Nuts!

The Pirate King:
Them, too!

Mabel:
You're not gay, are you?

Frederic:
[high voice] No! [clears throat and in a lower voice] No.

Mabel:
The way you and the Pirate King get around in those rather feminine, pleated shirts and all that leather.

Mabel:
Frederic, these are the 1880s. You can't live your life by the outmoded conventions of a neo-imperialist society. Find your true center!

Frederic:
What? You mean Zen piracy?

Mabel:
[unlaces her shirt and pulls it down to reveal her corset] Frederic, have you ever worn a whalebone corset? Well no, we established that, didn't we? It chokes and strangles, Frederic! I won't be choked an strangled by someone else's dumb ideas of custom and duty! [to stone statue] Would you, Harry, would you? [to Frederic] Never to know the rich and real wonderous person beating and throbbing inside me. Frederic, can you see me throbbing?

Frederic:
I see! I see! I'm throbbing too!

Frederic:
[moments after meeting for the first time] Look, I know this is going to sound silly, but I think I love you. I think might even want to marry you.

Mabel:
God, that was a short love scene!

Ruth:
By the way, was that a definite no back there?

Frederic:
Ruth, I don't want hurt your feelings, but tell me honestly. Now, compared to other women, are you beautiful?

Ruth:
Oh, I've been told so.

Frederic:
Ah, but lately?

Ruth:
Yes, by Sam. 'Course he was drunk.

Set Sail for the Musical Comedy Adventure of the Summer!

Yar! Buckle your swash and Jolly your Roger for the funniest rock 'n' rollickin' adventure ever!