Return of the Secaucus Seven

Maura Tolliver:
What's a little reunion without a little drama?

[Jeff is detailing his previous arrests to a booking policeman]

Jeff Andrews:
And that was for conspiracy to riot. Charges dropped. September 12, '69 for criminal trespassing and resisting arrest. Charges dropped. December 24, '69, inciting to riot. Charges dropped. August of '70 for lobbying in Kentucky. Charges dropped. Five arrests, all in Kentucky, in '71, for possession, "suspicion" of possession of a controlled substance. Charges dropped. Want the dates? And then March 5, '73, indicted for destruction of federal property, criminal trespassing, and conspiracy. Charges dropped. That's it.

Booking Officer:
Next. Name?

Maura Tolliver:
Maura Tolliver. That M-A-U-R-A.

Booking Officer:
Address?

Maura Tolliver:
Same as his.

Booking Officer:
Previous arrests?

Maura Tolliver:
Same as his. Except for the three days in Washington. We got separated.

[last lines]

Katie Sipriano:
What are we gonna do with all those eggs?

Chip Hollister:
[to a police officer] Look, we didn't shoot the deer. We don't even have a gun!

Chip Hollister:
[to Mike and J. T] They think we shot the deer. [rolls his eyes]

J.T.:
How do you know it was shot, Mr. Hollister? No one said anything about a shooting.

Mike Donnelly:
It might've been knifed.

J.T.:
Or bludgeoned to death.

Mike Donnelly:
Or strangled with a silk stocking.

J.T.:
Or slowly poisoned.

Mike Donnelly:
You blew it, mister. You should've clammed up.

J.T.:
You're taking the fall, kid.

Chip Hollister:
Just as long as they don't search the car.

Mike Donnelly:
Oh, that's right. The glove compartment.

J.T.:
"Top aide nabbed in drug bust. Senator refuses comment."

Chip Hollister:
Give me a break!

[Mike and J. T. laugh]

Norman:
[looks around at the 7 people sitting in the police station when he arrives] You people together?

J.T.:
Uh-huh. We're in for, uh... What do you call deer murder?

Jeff Andrews:
Bambicide.

J.T.:
Right. Bambicide, right. And conspiracy to deprive a furry woodland creature of its civil rights.

Norman:
Jacking deer, eh?

J.T.:
What's your beef?

Norman:
Drunk.

J.T.:
[sarcastic] No!

Norman:
Drunk. Second time this week. Drunk.

Jeff Andrews:
Is that a crime?

Norman:
Tourist season, it is. Rest of the year you can lay out on the sidewalks for all they care.

Norman:
Take all of you people to nail one buck?

Chip Hollister:
It was just lying there with its feet tied together.

Norman:
Must've been an easy shot, then. [They laugh] How many points?

Chip Hollister:
I didn't count.

Norman:
You're not from here, are you?

Chip Hollister:
No. Just Mike.

Norman:
Lucky sons of b*tches. I been jacking deer in these woods all my life. Never stumbled across one that was gift-wrapped!

Officer:
Norman!

Norman:
Coming. [he stands and leans close to Chip] Son, plead self-defence. It's your only hope.

[they sit in a row in the bar]

Mike Donnelly:
Sunday!

Ron Desjardins:
Sunday!

Howie:
Sunday!

Mike Donnelly:
At Washington Valley Speedway: thrills, chills, and spills!

Ron Desjardins:
[starts making racing car noises]

Howie:
Nitro-burning funny cars!

Mike Donnelly:
Joey Chitwood and his Auto Daredevils!

Howie:
Special appearance by Big Daddy Ross!

Mike Donnelly:
You'll laugh, you'll scream, you'll cry!

Ron Desjardins:
Sunday!

Mike Donnelly:
Stocks and dragsters burning rubber in the biggest event of the season!

Ron Desjardins:
Sunday!

Howie:
Sunday!

Mike Donnelly:
Sunday!

Bartender:
Howie!

Howie:
What?

Bartender:
It's your wife. The hotel's been calling.

Howie:
Oh... I gotta go. Catch you guys later [he stands and leaves]

Mike Donnelly:
[waving to him] Sunday!

Ron Desjardins:
[rings the bell on the hotel desk to wake up Howie] Me and the missus just drove in from Peoria and the guy at the filling station says...

Howie:
[walks in] Jesus, Ron!

Ron Desjardins:
"These are the finest accommodations in town".

Frances Carlson:
[to Howie] Hi.

Howie:
Hi. Look, Ron... we only got two rooms left.

Ron Desjardins:
Me and the missus don't need but one. As long as it's got them Magic Fingers in there. It drives the missus wild, them thangs.

Howie:
And you gotta be quiet.

Ron Desjardins:
[serious, pulling the notebook toward himself] Where do we register?

Howie:
[closing the notebook on Ron's fingers] 203.

Howie:
[he holds the key out to Frances] See if you can make him behave, okay?

Ron Desjardins:
[Ron grabs the key first] Have room service send up a tub of goose grease and two bottles of Moxie.

[he winks at Howie]

Frances Carlson:
Ron!

[Chip returns to the car to find Ron talking to Irene]

Chip Hollister:
Hi.

Ron Desjardins:
Hi.

Chip Hollister:
I'm, uh, Chip Hollister.

Ron Desjardins:
[shaking his hand] Pleased to meet you.

Chip Hollister:
You're...? [Ron looks down at the name tag on his chest. Chip sees it] Ron.

Ron Desjardins:
Very good. Last name's Desjardins, but, uh, I gotta have another tit to fit it all. You Irene's old man?

[Chip chuckles nervously]

Ron Desjardins:
Well, she's a real sweet girl, let me tell you.

Irene Rosenblue:
Ron!

Ron Desjardins:
Hey, pump you some?

Chip Hollister:
Huh?

Ron Desjardins:
Gas. Pump gas. We got your custom-blended, unleaded, super premium...

Chip Hollister:
No, no, I was just, uh...

Ron Desjardins:
Making a deposit, not a withdrawal?

Frances Carlson:
You know, I can't imagine you guys teaching. I mean, is it the same old stuff we got?

Mike Donnelly:
Well, I start the year with the Boston Police Strike.

Irene Rosenblue:
They let you teach *that*?

Mike Donnelly:
They let you teach just about anything, so long as you keep the students from knifing each other.

[Mike is pretending to teach history class]

J.T.:
Mr. Donnelly?

Mike Donnelly:
Yes, J. T.?

J.T.:
Coach says that you got socialistic tendencies. Is that right, Mr. Donnelly?

Mike Donnelly:
Coach is a running dog imperialist, J. T. Don't listen to him. Alright, now, the rest of you: if the Boston police went on strike tomorrow, what would White and Dukakis do? Would there be riots in Southie? [Katie hands him a cracker and cheese] Ah, it's Miss Sipriano from the English department.

J.T.:
Mr. Donnelly?

Mike Donnelly:
Yes, J. T.?

J.T.:
Coach says that you and Miss Sipriano are, uh, getting it on. Is that right, Mr. Donnelly?

Mike Donnelly:
Coach has a filthy, reactionary mind, J. T. Don't listen to him.

Katie Sipriano:
You guys are much too well-behaved. High school isn't what it used to be.

Mike Donnelly:
Yeah, it's mostly discipline. No matter how jazzed up and relevant I try to make the history, I'm still dealing with a roomfull of teenage libido.

J.T.:
Mr. Donnelly?

Mike Donnelly:
Yes, J. T.?

J.T.:
[flips him the bird] Get bent, Mr. Donnelly.

Mike Donnelly:
[laughs] Exactly. Exactly.

J.T.:
So listen, what-what kind of music do you like?

Lee:
Oh, progressive rock mostly.

J.T.:
Which is that?

Lee:
Oh, King Crimson, Yes, Genesis, Rush...

J.T.:
Right, right. Heavy metal goes to college.

Jeff Andrews:
My problem is the repetitiveness. Y'know... wine, women, and whiteline fever, over and over. Whereas, progressive is existential. You got these chromatic melodies, right? To use for, like, a springboard into all kinds of experiments. Even the backbeat is full of nuances. You know that there's a central rhythmic idea going on, but you're never quite sure when it's going to pop up. Now, you-you put your, ah, your-your counterpoint on top of that, your passing tones, your arpeggios, your polyrhythms, your parallel scales, your focal harmonies... and it's uncertain, right? It's exploratory. It's like life.

Lee:
Right. Exactly. I mean, with country, it's like you're being told a story that you've heard before. But with progressive, it's like you're going into unknown territory. Exactly.

Amy:
[to Jeff] Are you in music, too?

Jeff Andrews:
Drugs.