Scary Movie 5

[from trailer]

Charlie Sheen:
I've come back from worse than this.

[from trailer]

Jody Campbell:
So, a demon is the worse thing you can have?

Priest:
No, ma'am, an STD is the worse thing you can have.

[from trailer]

Jody Campbell:
Hi, we're looking for a book that can stop evil spirits.

[to Dom after hitting Charlie]

Lindsay Lohan:
You were driving.

[from trailer]

Priest:
Demon's got my fist, man!

Lindsay Lohan:
I don't wanna end up all over the internet. I pride myself in keeping a low profile. My private life is private.

Lindsay Lohan:
Okay, what is that?

Charlie Sheen:
Just unraveling the old hose.

Charlie Sheen:
Save it for tomorrow, Raul!

Raul - the Gardener:
Si senor.

Jody Campbell:
I feel like there's something in this house.

Snoop Dogg:
We need to get to that cabin in the woods.

Christian Grey:
How do you like my blue room?

Jody Campbell:
It's red.

Christian Grey:
Oh. I'm color blind, my decorator assured me... never mind.

Peter:
Okay, well let's at least finish the song. Everyone hold hands... except for Eric.

Eric:
Damn.

Lindsay Lohan:
I'm going to blow you across the room!

Charlie Sheen:
Sounds awesome.

Peter:
I'm gonna need a little help, I have to go to the bathroom. My penis is in the corner.

Eric:
This is f***ed up.

Lindsay Lohan:
I don't want to end up all over the Internet. I pride myself on keeping a low profile. My private life is private... wait, what are all these?

Charlie Sheen:
Oh, just some movies I rented.

Lindsay Lohan:
Me and Brandy, missionary?

Charlie Sheen:
A tale of two girls who become nuns.

Lindsay Lohan:
And what are all those?

Charlie Sheen:
Oh, it's just your standard home security setup, basic run of the mill.

Lindsay Lohan:
And why do you need security cameras pointing at your bed.

Charlie Sheen:
In case a burglar tries to steal my sex tapes.

Christian Grey:
Your safe word is... Deeper.

Snoop Dogg:
When we get this reward, we gonna get ourselves a boat, some b*tches and a shark

Mac Miller:
Why are we gonna need a shark?

Snoop Dogg:
We just gon' need one.

Jody Campbell:
Gort klaatu barada nikto, it says the curse ends with one word: Adunda.

Charlie Sheen:
Do me a favor. Promise me you won't drive.

Lindsay Lohan:
That's sweet. You're worried about me driving.

Charlie Sheen:
I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian.

Pierre:
Do you accept euros?

Martin:
Caesar has got to show some human intelligence at that board meeeting or...

Dan:
Caesar's probably smarter than half of those board members.

Martin:
Dan...

Dan:
I know what you're going to say, if he's so smart, why is he in the cage?

Martin:
You're in the cage.

Charlie Sheen:
Get out of here, Emilio.

Martin:
Look, they still throw their sh*t.

Dan:
But now they can keep score.

Jody Campbell:
Hey! We don't lick our balls in this house!

Dan:
Sorry, won't happen again.

Pierre:
Alright, attention! I do not wish to repeat myself. I repeat, I do not wish to repeat myself.

Jody Campbell:
I'm not gonna get pregnant am I?

Kendra Brooks:
No.

Dan:
Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits?

Snoop Dogg:
Told you that shark was gonna come in handy.

Dom Kolb:
You need to clear your subconscious, and watch what you think about. Nothing crazy.

Jody Campbell:
Right. Like having your crotch burst into flames.