School for Scoundrels

[from trailer]

Lonnie:
Why is everybody gotta be so freakin' stupid these days?

Ian:
Roger, I used to be just like you. But look at me now, I'm awesome! I run this entire place. I'm dating TWO Asian chicks!

Dr. P:
There are two kinds of men in the world: those who run sh*t, like me, and those who eat sh*t, like you.

Roger:
What now, b*tch?

Roger:
Who's the lion now, b*tch!

Dr. P:
How many of you have self-help books? Okay, that's your first problem. You can't help yourself, because your *self* sucks!

[repeated line]

Dr. P:
Lie, lie, and lie some more.

Dr. P:
[to the class] If that's why you're here, then just get the f*** outta here.

Becky:
Congratulations, you are fat. Would you like a fat medal?

Lesher:
Manila. Dr. P specifically said manila. This is off-white.

Roger:
Sorry.

Lesher:
Sorry doesn't make it manila.

Eli:
[when he grabs his paintball gun] It says here that the shooter must maintain a 100-yard distance from target.

Dr. P:
[shoots Eli in the chest] Anyone else wanna read their gun?

Lesher:
[during date-training, after Walsh whistles] Keep whistling and I'll bite those lips right off your goddamn face!

Dr. P:
This is not a goddamn Tony Robbins seminar. If you're looking for "Chicken Soup for the Soul," get the hell outta here!

Zack:
[when Roger's beeper goes off] What is he, a pimp now?

Dr. P:
Every once in a while, a shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the heard and challenge him. It lets the man know he's worthy of leading him.

Roger:
Well, you know what? I don't want to be a shepherd anymore!

Dr. P:
You're not the shepherd, DUMB ASS, I'm the shepherd! Its called an analogy, moron!

Roger:
Look, you dont understand. Everything was going so well between us.

Dr. P:
Well, clearly I'm sure you're just days away from adopting a Chinese kid together.