Skidoo

Man:
[after taking LSD] I'm an angel! I'm a goddamn angel! Hallelujah!

Stash:
Man, how I wish I could be nothin'.

Darlene Banks:
What?

Stash:
Nothin'.

Darlene Banks:
Noth-ing.

Stash:
If you can't dig nothin' you can't dig anything. You dig?

Darlene Banks:
You mean if I could be nothing, I would be everything?

Stash:
You dig! I mean like that's why the stablishment cats are not makin' it. They're diggin' the 9 to 5 bag. Rush to the city. What's happening' in the news instead of what's happenin' in themselves. You dig?

Darlene Banks:
Now I see what you mean. Everything we need is right here inside ourselves.

Stash:
Hey, you dig! I mean like the vibrations are there, dewdrop. You know I really think we could make it, you and I. I really feel we could make it.

Tower Guard:
[after taking LSD] Hey. Hey, you look like a flower.

Tower Guard:
That's funny. I feel like a flower!

God:
[smoking marijuana] Mmm, pumpkin!

Flo Banks:
[singing] Skidoo! Skidoo! Between a one and three, there is a two!

God:
Garbaldo! Garbaldo! What the hell's goin' on up there?

Captain Garbaldo:
There's a stiff wind from the east, sir.

God:
I don't care where it's comin' from! Stop it!

Leech:
[referring to LSD] Hey, maybe if I took some of that stuff... I wouldn't have to rape anybody no more!

God:
Why don't I go out, you ask? There are nine guys on my crew. You know what the odds are on one of them trying to bump me off?

Darlene Banks:
Yeah, nine to one.

God:
And you think those are good odds, ay?

Prisoner Question Machine:
Please an-swer yes or no: Do you have a-ny chil-dren? [the men press their buttons, but the Professor looks puzzled] Someone hasn't pressed his but-ton! Someone hasn't pressed his but-ton!

Prison Guard:
What's the idea here, buddy?

Fred the Professor:
These machines are silly!

Prison Guard:
What's the big deal? You just press "yes" or "no".

Fred the Professor:
Yes, but suppose my answer is "maybe"...

The Mayor:
The results of our anti-ugliness drive were less than satisfactory.

Stoned Chef:
Souffl?! Souffl?!

Tower Guard:
I see the Green Bay Packers... and they're all naked!

The Warden:
[stoned on acid] The prisoners can get together and make costume jewelry, design their own uniforms, decorate their own cells...

The Senator:
The only three great Americans are Washington, Lincoln... and me!

Tower Guard:
[referring to a hot-air balloon while tripping on LSD] Do you see what I see?

Tower Guard:
It's a balloon.

Tower Guard:
No. It's a great, big, beautiful blob of nothing. It wants me. It wants me. It loves me.

Tower Guard:
Yeah!

Tower Guard:
But why is it going away?

Tower Guard:
I see it. I see it! Yeah.

Tower Guard:
Yeah.

Tower Guard:
Yeah-da-da yeah-da-da.

Harry:
Tony, it looks like one of them hippies!

Tony Banks:
That's right... and no hippie is gonna make it with my daughter.

Darlene Banks:
Daddy, he wasn't going to... I'm not sure *he* even knows what he wants.

Tony Banks:
What is he, a f*ggot?

Voice of Otto Preminger:
[at the end] Stop! We are not through! And before you skidoo, we'd like to introduce our cast and crew. [Harry Nilsson sings the closing credits]

TV Commercial:
For family fun, get your gun!

Tony Banks:
[hallucinating on LSD] Mathematics! I see mathematics! She's got my ears! She's got my ears! She's got my ears!

Flo Banks:
Listen, "God" sent for your father.

Darlene Banks:
[wails, horrified, thinking Tony has died] Nooooo!

Angie:
[a little annoyed] Not THAT God, dope.

God:
[unbuttons her jacket] Right now, I'd rather be doing what he's doing than what I'm doing.

Flo Banks:
You're acting rashly.

Darlene Banks:
I'm not acting rashly.

Fred the Professor:
Find yourself in the water.

Angie:
You're bendin' the velvet!

Flo Banks:
I wanna see God!

Stash:
Geronimo, this is Darlene.

Darlene Banks:
Hello.

Geronimo:
This is Iris, and various assorted beautiful people.

Darlene Banks:
I'm sorry if I spoiled anything.

Angie:
Nah. She was just trying to sell me a set of encyclopedias.

Leech:
I'm a recidivist.

Tony Banks:
What's that?

Leech:
Habitual criminal. Been comin' here on and off since '51.

Tony Banks:
The only kid in the cell block with his own personal stationery.

Angie:
So this is Tony's girl, huh? Little Kiss-Kiss herself.

Darlene Banks:
What do you mean?

Angie:
You and that Commanche looked like you were never coming up for air.

Angie:
We passed in the night. Last night. I can still close my eyes and see you.

Darlene Banks:
Where do you get your dialogue from, old Valentines?

Darlene Banks:
Where is my father? Do you know?

Angie:
Baby, I know so much it's painful.

Angie:
Are you here, sweetheart? Open the door and be glad, baby.

Angie:
You're bendin' the velvet.

Flo Banks:
You're cute.

Angie:
I know.

Flo Banks:
You know what, I bet you're a good dancer.

Angie:
I'm a good everything.

Flo Banks:
Prove it.

God's Mistress:
Relax. Relax. I'm very good at this.

God:
Password?

God's Mistress:
It's me! I forgot it.

Girl Answering Phone:
[answers phone] Worldwide Pot and Compound Festival. Make love, not war.

Geronimo:
Speak softly.

Stash:
Xerox me, man. I don't wanna be misquoted.

Geronimo:
Peace! You were saying?

Stash:
Dig the, uh, Spirit of St. Louis, man. Yeah, like, uh, Greeley says, what's seven or eight Dukes of Windsor when it's uh Mona Lisa time, huh? Yeah, take a bow and arrow, and we're not getting any younger, right? So come in X-17. Over.

Geronimo:
Son of Norway, you're loud and clear. Cool as everything.

Stash:
Over and out.

God:
What'd he say?

Stash:
Oh, he says he'll have to get back to me.

Geronimo:
Spirit of St. Louis. Lindbergh.

Hippie Guy 1:
Kidnapped.

Geronimo:
Who?

Hippie Guy 2:
Mona Lisa?

Geronimo:
Yours.

Flo Banks:
Darlene. They've got Darlene!

Hippie Guy 1:
Calm.

Geronimo:
Bow and arrow. They're armed. But where?

Hippie Guy 1:
Horace Greeley said, "Go west, young man."

Geronimo:
He did, and how far west? Windsor...

Hippie Gal:
Knots!

Geronimo:
Water, children, water! Seven to eight knots west of... What? That's the hole. X-17. Think. X-17.

Hippie Guy 1:
X could mean "used to be".

Flo Banks:
Seventeen! The old pier. Pier 17!

Tower Guard:
[tripping on acid] Hey, come out here. Do you see what I see?

Tower Guard:
[looks at hot air balloon] Scrambled eggs.

Tower Guard:
No. Jell-O. Reminds me of my wife.

Tony Banks:
[to Stash, dressed in hippie garb] Who's your tailor, Sitting Bull?

Stash:
Once more, man?

Tony Banks:
You heard me. Why do you go around dressed like that for?

Stash:
Hey, we can't all be undertakers, man.

Darlene Banks:
[to her father] Stash is only interested in nothing. He isn't taken in by our false values.

Tony Banks:
[to Stash] So how come you're drivin' a beat-up Rolls Royce? Why aren't you drivin' a beat-up Ford?