The Bounty Hunter

Nicole Hurley:
Life is making mistakes.

Milo Boyd:
And death is wishing you had made more.

[from trailer]

Milo Boyd:
Are you trying to seduce me?

Nicole Hurley:
Yeah.

Milo Boyd:
What's the hottest thing about me? That would be my gun.

Nicole Hurley:
Why do people do that?

Milo Boyd:
Why do people do what?

Nicole Hurley:
Deny that they've ever done anything wrong in the relationship - why can't people take responsibility for their sh*t and move on?

Milo Boyd:
You see, what I do is, I hunt down criminals. Idiots who jump bail, specifically.

Nicole Hurley:
[laughing] You are a bounty hunter?

Milo Boyd:
Yeah. And much as it pains me to say this, and it really does, I gotta take you to jail.

Sid:
All I know is, I'm out 50,000 if she's not in that courtroom Monday morning.

Milo Boyd:
Wait, you're telling me that I'll get five grand to go pick up my ex-wife and bring her to jail?

Sid:
You're a good listener.

[Milo laughs and dances for joy]

Nicole Hurley:
Can't we talk about this?

Milo Boyd:
Fine. What do you want to say?

Nicole Hurley:
[after a pause] I am not letting you take me to jail.

Milo Boyd:
Duly noted. Let's go. [scoops her over his shoulder]

[Milo dumps Nicole in his trunk]

Nicole Hurley:
No, you have got to be kidding! You cannot be putting me in the trunk! You cannot be seri-!

Milo Boyd:
[shuts the trunk] I'm dead "seri"!

[calling Milo from inside his car's trunk]

Nicole Hurley:
Milo, please, you have got to let me out of here.

Milo Boyd:
Hmm... nope!

Nicole Hurley:
All right, I shouldn't have run away, you just caught me off guard. And the truth is, I think I might need your advice on something.

Milo Boyd:
Well, that's a real shame. Because I wouldn't help you if you were the last baby sea turtle dragging your little, tiny body across the burning sand whilst hungry seagulls circled overhead. No, I'd just pull up a chair, sip a pina colada and watch nature take its course.

[Nicole is calling Milo from inside his trunk]

Milo Boyd:
Nic... Nicole?

Nicole Hurley:
[crying] Please stop...

Milo Boyd:
Hey, remember how we used to be in love?

Nicole Hurley:
[still crying] Yeah.

Milo Boyd:
Well, that means I know when you're crying for real, and when you're faking it! Bye-bye! [laughs and hangs up]

Nicole Hurley:
Oh! God, Milo!

[she pounds on the trunk with her fists]

Milo Boyd:
[laughing] Oh, God... so good.

Milo Boyd:
Ah, using your one phone call to phone in a story. That is so you.

Nicole Hurley:
[surprised look] What are you doing here?

Milo Boyd:
Hey, it's a special night. There's no way we're not spending it together. Hey, can we go in the same cell?

Cop:
Get in the cell, d*ckhead.

Milo Boyd:
[being pushed] All right, I'm going.

[as Nicole heads for a row of taxis, Milo draws his gun]

Nicole Hurley:
Oh, what? You're gonna shoot me?

Milo Boyd:
Nope. [levels the gun] I'm gonna shoot a cab driver.

Nicole Hurley:
[seeing all the cab drivers locking their doors] Oh, no, no, no, he doesn't mean it!

Milo Boyd:
Yep, I mean it.

Nicole Hurley:
[banging on the cab drivers' doors, without response] Ah, chicken shits!

Bobby:
[Learning Nicole thought he was corrupt] Are you kidding? I walked you down the godamn isle!

Milo Boyd:
You're not gonna shoot another cop are ya?

Earl Mahler:
I'm the only cop here

Milo Boyd:
Now that's just hurtful

Caddy:
Look I'm just a kid! Saving for college! [Milo dunks his head underwater] Fine! A jet ski, I'm saving for a jet ski!