The Dirty Dozen: Next Mission

Maj. John Reisman:
You've got a record like a roll of toilet paper. AWOL, desertion of post, striking an NCO, refusing to take orders, drunk on duty, assaulting a superior officer, resulting in his death. And yet you managed to get yourself the Silver Star, Purple Heart, Bronze Star. You've got a lot of talent. You just don't know how to use it. But I do.

Maj. John Reisman:
Tell me, son, what happened between you and the Sergeant?

Otto Deutsch:
We were in a bar. I'd been drinking. He was calling me names.

Maj. John Reisman:
That a reason to kill 'im?

Otto Deutsch:
I was born in Germany, but I'm an American. Nobody calls me "fat kraut."

Gen. Sepp Dietrich:
[playing chess] Checkmate.

Schmidt:
Congratulations, Herr General.

Gen. Sepp Dietrich:
Nothing has changed, my dear Schmidt. All the years you have been with me, I cannot remember the last time you won the game. You must realize by now I am a master of strategy. There is no one in the Fatherland who has furthered the cause, furthered the war, more than I have. Our F?hrer depends on me. Together we will go down in history as the greatest military brain trust of all time. So, my dear Herr Colonel, don't feel badly that I have beaten you at chess. Consider it an honor. Something you can relate, with reverence, to your grandchildren.

Otto Deutsch:
I would like to die like an American soldier.

Maj. John Reisman:
You've got a good chance of doing just that.

Otto Deutsch:
[finding a bullet-riddled Nazi staff car] It's a Mercedes-Benz. It's a wonderfully engineered car.

Sam Sixkiller:
Not anymore.

Arlen Dregors:
Recruiting new victims, Major? Heard all about your last mission. Yeah, twelve go out, only one comes home. Those are lousy odds.

Maj. John Reisman:
It's a lousy war. This is a lousy prison. And you have a lousy future.

Arlen Dregors:
You ain't offering me nothin' better.

Maj. John Reisman:
Oh, come on, Dregors. It'll be more fun than you've had in years.

Arlen Dregors:
Hand grenade and hookers? That ain't my style.

Maj. John Reisman:
But shooting an officer in the back of the head is?

Arlen Dregors:
[telling his story] We were on patrol in this village. There we five men. Officers. They had this young girl trapped. They each took their turns with her. None of us did nothin' to stop 'em. You see, they were white officers, we were negro soldiers. When they finished, they got into their Jeep and... just drove away. Something just happened inside me.

Maj. John Reisman:
You hit a lieutenant in the back of the head at 220 yards. That's a nice shot.

Arlen Dregors:
The Army didn't think so.

Maj. John Reisman:
But they're prejudiced. I'm not.

Gen. Sepp Dietrich:
[regarding Hitler] He is a danger to the Party and the German people, and must be eliminated.

Field Marshal Meistertein:
Only you and Himmler are allowed to get near him.

Gen. Sepp Dietrich:
If you people hadn't blundered the first time, we wouldn't be in this position now.

German General:
If it could be done, it should be done by you, Major General. You are the only one.

Gen. Sepp Dietrich:
Do not worry. I will save Germany.

Field Marshal Meistertein:
[oozing sarcasm] Heil Hitler.

Gen. Worden:
[playing golf] Sure be glad when this war is ended, so then we can putt without being blown up.

Gen. Pierre Fontaine:
We are not certain, but our intelligence reports that there's going to be another assassination attempt on Hitler.

Gen. Worden:
Again? They can't do that. Kill their own F?hrer? That's cheating!

Gen. Bulldog Bardsley:
Quite right, old boy.

MP Sgt. Clyde Bowren:
Perkins, sir. Conrad E.

Maj. John Reisman:
What's he in for?

MP Sgt. Clyde Bowren:
Thirty years of hard labor for robbery, sir.

Maj. John Reisman:
Who'd he rob?

MP Sgt. Clyde Bowren:
American soldiers, sir. Dead ones.

Maj. John Reisman:
You let me in there, Sergeant. I'll kill 'im myself.

Conrad E. Perkins:
Didn't seem like much at the time. Just a few souvenirs.

Maj. John Reisman:
Yeah, I know, I've done it myself. Only the Army calls it looting.

Maj. John Reisman:
Would the General mind stop playing with his choo-choo and tell me what I'm supposed to do?

Louis Valentine:
What is this, Grand Central Station?

Tommy Wells:
Yeah, we missed the train to Chicago.

Robert E. Wright:
Where's the girl?

Sanders:
Heard you were coming and took off on the train.

Sam Sixkiller:
Where's the bar?

Maj. John Reisman:
For those of you who forgot, my name is Reisman. You have all volunteered for a mission that gives you three ways to go. You can foul up during training, you can foul up in action, in which case I will blow your brains out, or you can do as you're told. In which case you may just get by. This is your new home. Do not try to escape. There will be no excuse, no appeal. Any attempt by one of you and you will all be sent directly back to prison for execution of sentence. You are therefore dependent upon each other. Any one of you try anything smart, and you all get it right in the neck. Am I clear?

Tommy Wells:
[working on the broken-down Mercedes] For this car, the war is over.

Sam Sixkiller:
Thought you said this was a good car, Otto.

Otto Deutsch:
It's not the car's fault.

Louis Valentine:
No, it's yours.